Witch Trials, 2006-02-04
From Discworld MUD Wiki
The Lancre Witch Trials 2006 took place on April 4th, 3pm GMT and were organized by Aelyn, Earwax, Fole, Nut, and Tohya.
Full log of the 2006 Trials (rather large file)
- 1 Announcement regarding the Trials
- 2 Calling all hennes!
- 3 Freestyle - 3 stages and under
- 4 Freestyle - 4 stages and more
- 4.1 Dishrag's Summoning Of Vespertilian Companions
- 4.2 Wee Kiki's Klatchian Magistracy
- 4.3 Aelyn's Fiery Gaze
- 4.4 Tohya's A Tale of Another World
- 4.5 Phoibe's Celebration
- 4.6 Sultana Keb's Skywriting
- 4.7 Kit's Naughty Knitting Needles
- 4.8 Fole's Frolicing Frivolity
- 4.9 Nanna Jehane's Ultimate Pesticide
- 5 Valentine's themed
- 5.1 Phoibe's Valentine's Surprise
- 5.2 Earwax's Channel No. 5
- 5.3 Mistress Kit Nightingale's Unsolicited Wooing
- 5.4 Lilian's Scumble Knife
- 5.5 Nymphnode's Adorian Antics
- 5.6 Alleya's Scumble Bunny
- 5.7 Punarina's Nuptial Negotiator
- 5.8 Sultana Keb's Sultry Seduction
- 5.9 Nanna Jehane's Valentine Surprise
- 6 Results of the Lancre Witch Trials 2006
- 7 External links
Announcement regarding the Trials
Note #16 by Aelyn at Mon Jan 2 05:09:51 2006 on board witchesguild Wotchers, hags and hennes, Aelyn, Earwax, Fole, Nut and Tohya are pleased to announce that the Lancre Witch Trials will be held on the 4th of February 2006, Saturday, at 3pm GMT at Unlucky Charlie in Lancre. These Trials will be Valentine's themed, so witches are encouraged to walk under falling windowboxes, wash their hair, perform inner thigh muscle exercises, have carrot and oyster pie or whatever it takes for them to come in a romantic mood. There will, of course, be door gifts and great prizes. Witches are invited to compete in a number of categories: 1. Freestyle trick, 3 stages or less 2. Freestyle trick, 4 stages or more 3. Tricks with a Valentine's theme No witch may enter more than one trick in each category. A witch may only enter one freestyle category. Aelyn, Earwax, Fole, Nut and Tohya (the organisers) would appreciate it if you could send a mudmail to one of them letting them know what categories you would like to enter by 1st February. We won't get upset if you register and can't make it, of course. If you can't make it for the Trials, let one of the organisers know and we'll work out a way for your trick to be performed on your behalf. If you have any queries about the Trials, send one of the organisers a tell or a mudmail. Many thanks to the Illuminated Teapot, the Ankh-Morpork Daily and Michi for their sponsorship of the 2006 Lancre Witch Trials. For more information on the Trials, please visit http://the.earth.li/~kake/cgi-bin/witch-trials/index.cgi Go find yourself a hag stone! - Aelyn, on behalf of the organisers.
Calling all hennes!
Note #50 by Aelyn at Fri Jan 27 19:59:16 2006 on board witchesguild Wotchers! In addition to all the lovely prizes up for grabs at the upcoming Trials, I'm pleased to announce that we will also be awarding a Keb Casaubon Most Promising Young Witch award. Keb has very kindly donated a bronze helm and a tidy sum of sovereigns which will go to the winning witch to help her towards becoming a warty old hag. In order to be eligible for the prize, you need to be under 15 days old and enter at least one trick in the Trials. The winner will be decided by Keb and the organisers (myself, Earwax, Fole, Nut and Tohya) and will be judged based on the number of votes they get, the creativity of their trick and so on. As the original note about the Trials appears to have scrolled off, a copy of that is available at https://beam.to/witch-trials (the Witch Trials wiki - I just discovered this URL, which is so much easier to remember than the other one) and if you have any questions, need a hag stone or would like to register, just let me know. For those who have managed to down enough scumble since my last post on the Trials to forget the important bits: 4th Feb, 3pm GMT. Also, look out for our article on the Trials over the years in the next issue of the AM Daily! - Aelyn  or any of the other organisers (cue chorus) Earwax, Fole, Nut and Tohya
Freestyle - 3 stages and under
Tricks entered in the 2006 Lancre Witch Trials - 3 stages or less, freestyle.
Senarobin's Wunderkind Mythical Army
Aelyn Somniac says like a Witch Trials announcer: First to perform in this category: Senarobin's Wunderkind Mythical Army! Aelyn Somniac says like a Witch Trials announcer: (Unfortunately, she can't make it, so Phoibe will be performing instead. Pretend it's Senarobin.) Young Phoibe swings a lions tale in a circle chanting, you think you hear her ask for Aslan to come to her aid against you. Young Phoibe seems to have conjured a huge lion out of the lions tail. Mythical Creatures you though never existed appear out of the darkness dancing and cry: In the name of Aslan we aid thee Our Young Phoibe. The Mythical army marches towards you with Phoibe as their leader. Aelyn Somniac says like a Witch Trials announcer: And that was Senarobin's trick - Wunderkind Mythical Army.
Aelyn Somniac says like a Witch Trials announcer: Lilian, could you perform Fleabag? Young Lilian says: Uh oh, better get some soap and water for Unlucky Charlie! Unlucky Charlie starts as if bitten. Aelyn Somniac says like a Witch Trials announcer: And that was Lilian's Fleabag.
Glasrhosyn's Rose Light
Aelyn Somniac says like a Witch Trials announcer: Good heavens. And next - not rotten apple, I assure you - is Glasrhosyn! GlasRhosyn Somniac chants softly to her rose bracelet. GlasRhosyn Somniac enchants her bracelet to sprout vines that twist gently around her arm as roses blossom from them. As the enchanted vines entwine themselves around GlasRhosyn Somniac's arm they join with her flesh as the thorns dig into it you notice a slight trace of blood. As GlasRhosyn chants gently to the vines around her arm the blossoms glow with a beautiful blue light and light the area around her brightly. Aelyn Somniac says like a Witch Trials announcer: And that was Glasrhosyn's Rose Light.
Rolling Hagstones, by Black Earwax
Aelyn Somniac says like a Witch Trials announcer: Alright. The next witch to perform her trick and try to beat all this noise will be, appropriately: Earwax! Aelyn Somniac says like a Witch Trials announcer: Earwax will be performing Rolling Hagstones. Black Earwax says in Morporkian: My trick is called Rolling Hagstones Black Earwax points to the house in the distance. She chants, 'I see a red door and I want it painted black. No colours anymore, I want them to turn black!' Black Earwax curses, 'I see young hennes walk by, dressed in their summer clothes. I have to turn my head until my darkness goes' Black Earwax makes a banishing gesture. You see a line of brooms and they're all painted black! With flowers and your love, both never to come back. You look inside yourself and see your heart is black! You see the red door and it has been painted black.
A Little Lesson, by Young Nell al'Nighter
Aelyn Somniac says like a Witch Trials announcer: Next trick in the freestyle 3 stages and under category: Nell, with A Little Lesson! Young Nell al'Nighter tells a bedtime story to her faithful bat. A story about magic, weak enchanters and powerful witches. The world seems to shift for a moment and soon all there is to see is Young Nell al'Nighter and the bat she summoned long ago. As the storytelling continues, the tale gets even more binding. Young Nell al'Nighter is talking about monsters now, and how even Evil Beasts from the Dungeon Dimension respect witches if they know what is good for them. Nell stares meaningfully at Unlucky Charlie for a moment. The bat squeaks suddenly and the spell is broken. Unlucky Charlie wakes up from the dream, swearing to show proper consideration to witches everywhere.
Young Nut's Lost Innocence
Aelyn Somniac says like a Witch Trials announcer: And as the second last entry in the Freestyle 3 stages and under category: Nut D'Spicey! Nut D'Spicey sees you next to her, gives you a brief glance from under her eyelashes, and blushes quite enchantingly. What a sweet young girl. Those witches really can't be as bad as everyone says they are. Nut grins, clears her throat, and begins to sing the most astoundingly bawdy song you've heard in quite some time. Nanny Ogg would be proud.
Black Nymphnode's Dance Of The Sugar Bum Fairies
Aelyn Somniac says like a Witch Trials announcer: I will be performing Nymphnode's Dance Of The Sugar Bum Fairies. Aelyn Somniac loudly exclaims in Morporkian with a Morporkian accent: Okay, take note - this isn't me, it's Nymphnode. All heckling directed at non-existent witches, please! Aelyn Somniac hums a tune and dances a little jig and the ground explodes around her in a shower of small blue pixies with large, sugar coated bottoms. The pixies begin to dance a tiny jig on their tiny feet under Nymphnodes supervision, their upper bodies hardly moving as their legs begin to blur as they speedily tap out a rythym on the trembling ground. As the dance reaches it's conclusion, a pixie, taller than the rest, dances out infront of them and explaims 'Me Feetsies are worrrth Millionses!', before diving back under the ground, followed closely by his sugary bottomed kindred. Aelyn Somniac says like a Witch Trials announcer: And that was Black Nymphnode's Dance Of The Sugar Bum Fairies.
Freestyle - 4 stages and more
Aelyn Somniac says like a Witch Trials announcer: Alright! I'm going to start off this category with the tricks of the witches who aren't here - Dishrag and Kiki. First up will be Dishrag's Summoning Of Vespertilian Companions. Again, she's not here, so I'll be casting her trick for her. And I also don't know what Vespertilian means, so you'll have to ask her when you see her. Sultana Keb Casaubon says in Morporkian with a Lancrastian accent: Something to do with bats, i think.
Dishrag's Summoning Of Vespertilian Companions
Aelyn Somniac loudly exclaims in Morporkian with a Morporkian accent: Dishrag's Summoning Of Vespertilian Companions! Aelyn Somniac stands perfectly straight for a moment, gazes up into the sky, and draws a deep breath of air into her lungs. Aelyn Somniac chants a few soft phrases under her breath, and then opens her mouth wide. She emits a high-pitched whistle from the back of her throat. You can see her uvula oscillating madly. A warm breeze flows into the area, and you hear the sound of leathery wings flapping. You scan the area for the likely cause, and notice a tiny bat fluttering in on the breeze. Aelyn Somniac seems to be practicing how to summon tiny forest creatures. Aelyn Somniac hold out her right hand, and the tiny forest bat settles on her hand. She holds offers an insect to the bat, hoping to charm it into staying. The tiny forest bat calms down, and glides up to near your head. It tucks itself into the hair behind your ears, and snuggles in tightly to keep itself warm. Aelyn Somniac says like a Witch Trials announcer: Right, and that was Dishrag's Summoning Of... A Word I Do Not Know. Next, I'll be performing in Kiki's stead: Wee Kiki's Klatchian Magistracy.
Wee Kiki's Klatchian Magistracy
Aelyn Somniac loudly exclaims in Morporkian with a Morporkian accent: Again, not my trick - this is all Kiki's fault! Aelyn Somniac draws a picture: A large crowd swelters in the hot Klatchian air, listening to a bunch of odd people shouting from a soapbox. Suddenly, as Aelyn Somniac (drawn very lifelike) jumps up on the podium, they begin shouting and chanting her name: 'KIKI, KIKI!' Aelyn Somniac smiles charmingly, waves to the adoring fans and blows them a kiss. The crowd files past a ballot box, still shouting the young gel's name, as she jumps on a broom and flies off. Aelyn Somniac says in Morporkian with a Morporkian accent: Like I said before, Kiki put me up to this.
Aelyn's Fiery Gaze
Aelyn Somniac says like a Witch Trials announcer: Alright - since we're still paying attention to me, I'll perform a trick that's actually my own. Aelyn Somniac loudly says in Morporkian with a Morporkian accent: Right - my trick's named Aelyn's Fiery Gaze. Please note this is My Fiery Gaze, not anyone else's! Aelyn Somniac eyes her hand suspiciously as it closes lazily into a ball and curses loudly as she pokes her tongue out the corner of her mouth. Aelyn Somniac struggles to open her hand, her non-existent muscles not standing out with the strain, as red sparks dance out from between her fingers. Aelyn Somniac Somniac's hand suddenly relaxes, releasing the hoard of TMs she was holding. They hover above her hand, looking charmingly insolent. Aelyn Somniac gasps and grabs at them as they zoom away into the air to sweep past you with a blinding light and a great quantity of smugness. The hoard of TMs evades you and flies away. Aelyn Somniac loudly exclaims in Morporkian with a Morporkian accent: You can't get a post-max TM at all these days!
Tohya's A Tale of Another World
Aelyn Somniac says like a Witch Trials announcer: And for our next trick: Tohya's A Tale of Another World. Tohya, if you please? Miss Tohya StompyWitch speaks in a harsh whisper Miss Tohya StompyWitch says in Morporkian with a Morporkian accent: I shall tell you a story... Miss Tohya StompyWitch sings a tale of men of steel, women of stone, and the works they produced to bind their world to them: towering buildings, eternally busy machines, and the assurances that theirs was the only path they could ever follow. The air around Miss Tohya StompyWitch begins to thicken, just as their cities conquered the air around them as they devoured the world, protecting their trembling inhabitants from everything that is outside and destroying it so they will be troubled no more. Miss Tohya StompyWitch tells of a people who noticed too late what they had built and what they had destroyed. She whispers quietly of the fears that overcame them, and the fires that raged as they fought each other for the remains of what they could once have had. Miss Tohya StompyWitch falls to the darkened earth around her, shattered, broken, and ruined, as did the once-mighty towers and machines after their final triumphs over both the land and each other. You stand quietly, thinking about the story that you have just been told, almost not noticing small, mournful little purple flowers growing around the exhausted body, in silent defiance of those who wanted to take a world for themselves.
Aelyn Somniac says like a Witch Trials announcer: Thank you, Tohya, that was lovely. And next in the Freestyle (4 stages or more) category - Phoibe with Celebration! Young Phoibe exclaims in Morporkian with a Morporkian accent: thank you thank you. this is my area effect spell. thought it would be fitting for such a fine group! Young Phoibe takes out an enchanting little bongo drum and starts to tap out a simple, rhytmic, calypso beat. As Young Phoibe picks up the pace as she continues to beat her drum. You get the urge to dance, but at least you aren't the only one. Compulsively you find yourself on the end of a growing conga line. Young Phoibe weaves in and out of the crowd and soon you are all dancing with wild abandon. You shake your tushie without care and the witch in front of you gives new meaning to the phrase "Knees-Up". Young Phoibe throws a handful of enchanted confetti in the air, lighting the room up like a firework as you continue to conga well into the night. Celebrate good times, Come On!
Sultana Keb's Skywriting
Aelyn Somniac says like a Witch Trials announcer: Well done, Phoibe! And that was Celebration. Right, and on again to the next witch, who is - Keb! With Sultana Keb's Skywriting. A cloud of glitter brews up from the tail of Sultana Keb Casaubon's broom. Sultana Keb Casaubon flies into the air on her broom, grinning back at Unlucky Charlie unnervingly. The glittering cloud traces her movements as Sultana Keb Casaubon's broom dances across the sky. Sultana Keb Casaubon comes in for a landing, looking up at the enchanted glitter glowing above. The glittering words spell out Unlucky Charlie's name in big, graceful letters across the sky, which are surrounded by * sparkling stars, smiling cats, and a cute dragon.
Kit's Naughty Knitting Needles
Aelyn Somniac says like a Witch Trials announcer: Thank you Keb! For our next trick, we have Kit, with her Naughty Knitting Needles. Mistress Kit Nightingale says in Morporkian with a Lancrastian accent: I thought up the name for this trick a long time ago, but I didn't have a clue what would actually happen in it until recently... :P It is called 'Mistress Kit Nightingale's Naughty Knitting Needles'. I hope you all get a wee chuckle from it... Mistress Kit Nightingale conjures two very ordinary looking household knitting needles and a ball of multicoloured wool from her backpack and grins impishly at Unlucky Charlie. Mistress Kit Nightingale mutters to herself and concentrates. She begins to search the local vicinity for sources of mystical energy and channels raw magic into the needles, causing them to begin to sparkle with octarine light. Mistress Kit Nightingale cackles like an old crone and continues to channel into the knitting needles until they glow brightly. Suddenly they leap up from her hands, and dance merrily in mid air. Mistress Kit Nightingale giggles dementedly as the needles twirl about in the air and entwine themselves with wool, making a pleasant 'Clackity Clack' noise as they move. The needles dance about and begin to speedily knit a multicoloured jumper around Unlucky Charlie. Unlucky Charlie looks stunned as the needles finish knitting. The huge logo ~Mummy's Boy~ is now revealed for all to see on his new lumpy oversized jumper, leaving him to stand there looking acutely embarrassed.
Fole's Frolicing Frivolity
Aelyn Somniac says like a Witch Trials announcer: Thank you, Kit, hopefully Charlie isn't too embarrassed to stay around, because we've still got two tricks left, from Fole and Jehane! As Jehane can't be with us just yet, Fole will perform her trick too. Fole, the stage is yours. ;) Wee Fole von Bruxa says in Morporkian with a Lancrastian accent: I will preform my own trick first, this is Foles Frolicing Frivolity With a strange look in her eyes, Wee Fole von Bruxa stares into a corner of the room, summoning a lively looking court jester. Wee Fole von Bruxa animatedly points towards Unlucky Charlie, encouraging the jester to join with Unlucky Charlie to entertain the crowd. Cackling with glee as the jester approaches Unlucky Charlie, Wee Fole von Bruxa starts to quickly move her arms in quick circling motions, binding Unlucky Charlie to the jester with what feels like invisible elastic rope. Wee Fole von Bruxa begins to chant a sweet melody, suddenly the jester and Unlucky Charlie begin to dance, she ups the tempo and soon you are jigging uncontrollably, being pulled when the rope stretches too far, catapulting Unlucky Charlie into the jester unceremoniously. Unlucky Charlie continues to dance with the jester, a danger to all surrounding. Wee Fole von Bruxa suddenly claps her hands with an impossibly loud BANG! Unlucky Charlie drop to the floor in a heap. Fole cackles with glee as Unlucky Charlie and the jester roll around the floor completely confused about what just happened.
Nanna Jehane's Ultimate Pesticide
Aelyn Somniac says like a Witch Trials announcer: Next - Jehane's trick, also performed by Fole. Wee Fole von Bruxa now dresses herself as Nanna Jehane von Bruxa and takes the stage again. Wee Fole von Bruxa says: This is Nanna Jehane's Ultimate Pesticide Nanna Wee Fole von Bruxa is quietly looking in her crystal ball when she scries some beetles eating the lettuce in her garden. Nanna Wee Fole von Bruxa frowns. Nanna Wee Fole von Bruxa curses. Nanna Wee Fole von Bruxa exclaims: I'll have to report you for that, you nasty little buggers. Just you wait! Nanna Wee Fole von Bruxa furiously scribbles something on a piece of paper while trying to stay charming, and adds a PS: Hurry! at the end. Nanna Wee Fole von Bruxa summons the Powers That Be and gives them the letter. Nanna Fole watches smugly as the bugs disappear, never to be heard from again.
Phoibe's Valentine's Surprise
Aelyn Somniac says like a Witch Trials announcer: First up: Phoibe with Valentine's Surprise. Young Phoibe says in Morporkian with a Morporkian accent: um, i had a bit of trouble with this one. if you know me very very very well, you know why i'm not much into valentines, especially this year. but here goes Young Phoibe gets a Poo-Bah Mirror from a pocket in a hunter's pack. Young Phoibe takes out a small mirror, the type typically used in scrying. Breathing on it, she shows the mirror to Unlucky Charlie. In it he can see none other than his sweet valentine...IN THE ARMS OF ANOTHER!!! Young Phoibe tries to mumble something about not being very good at this type of scrying and to forget about it, but it is too late. The damage has been done. Young Phoibe looks for a place to hide as she watches anger brew in the face of Unlucky Charlie. She doesn't dare move until she sees him leave. Young Phoibe turns back to her mirror just in time to see Unlucky Charlie, fire in his eyes. The room is set ablaze! Unlucky Charlie's poor adulterous lover is consumed in the flames. Young Phoibe says in Morporkian with a Morporkian accent: the when finished is supposed to say "Everyone say hi to Charlie, the most elegiable person on Disc!"
Earwax's Channel No. 5
Aelyn Somniac says like a Witch Trials announcer: And for our next trick - Earwax, with Channel No. 5! Black Earwax says in Morporkian: Ok, here goes... I had hardly any time, so I had to scoot over to Agnes' place to consult the books. Black Earwax says in Morporkian: Ready... Black Earwax says 'Well, according to the books, to charm the socks of a person, all it takes is a simple love potion'. Black Earwax turns her hat upside down, to make a handy vessel. She pours some scumble in it, tosses in a sweetie and chants something obscene. Black Earwax squeezes off a wart and tosses it in. She swirls the concoction and then channels it into a perfume bottle. 'Don't worry', says Black Earwax, 'It won't last long'. She gives the bottle a quick squeeze and mists the contents into the air. The blood rushes from your feet as you feel your passion rise. Awed by Earwax's Socks Appeal, you wonder if she might want some.
Mistress Kit Nightingale's Unsolicited Wooing
Aelyn Somniac says like a Witch Trials announcer: And moving on from Earwax's Socks Appeal (I don't want to know what that smells like, even if it was Channel No. 5) - next is Mistress Kit Nightingale's Unsolicited Wooing! Mistress Kit Nightingale vaguely waves her hand in a circle and enchants the surrounding air, saturating it densely until it is heavy with raw magic and dark bewitchments, causing it to shimmer octarine. She stares at something onthe horizon and concentrates. Mistress Kit Nightingale brews an incredibly potent batch of pheromones and wafts them at Unlucky Charlie. The air fills with an intoxicating aroma and Casanunda the amorous dwarf appears as if from nowhere looking rapacious. Mistress Kit Nightingale chants encouragingly at Casanunda. The kinky little dwarf suddenly whips out a ladder, and eagerly climbs up next to Unlucky Charlie. Mistress Kit Nightingale enchants Unlucky Charlie into being more open to the powers of suggestion. Casanunda passionately croons a corny love song and makes a big wet kissy face. Unlucky Charlie gives the little dwarf a big sloppy snog and the spell breaks. Unlucky Charlie wipes his lips in disgust and whimpers. Casanunda looks pleased and folds up the ladder, then the unrelenting little scamp skips off to find a new romantic conquest.
Lilian's Scumble Knife
Aelyn Somniac says like a Witch Trials announcer: Next - Lilian, with Scumble Knife! Young Lilian says in Morporkian with a Lancrastian accent: Well if you like scumble, you might like this Young Lilian points at Unlucky Charlie and concentrate on the essence of scumble. Scumble starts oozing out of Unlucky Charlie, and then catches on fire, burning with a violent violet flame. The flames leap and roar and crackle and pulse deep purple until surely Unlucky Charlie has been totally consumed. The flames subside slightly to reveal Unlucky Charlie, bright and shiny and wreathed in violet flames. Young Lilian gives Unlucky Charlie a deep and passionate kiss, it seems to last forever...
Nymphnode's Adorian Antics
Aelyn Somniac says like a Witch Trials announcer: And that was Lilian's Scumble Knife. You might remember Nymphnode from the first category. Well, she's back again, with Nymphnode's Adorian Antics. Aelyn Somniac looks like Nymphnode. Aelyn Somniac slowly closes her eyes and softly strokes the petals of a rose, seemingly channeling her thoughts into the petals themselves. Inhaling deeply, Aelyn Somniac gently beckons towards Unlucky Charlie with one hand. Soft, light images of the petals float out from the rose, and dance beguilingly around Unlucky Charlie, filling him with saucy, tempting thoughts. The petals slowly settle on Charlie's shoulders and seem to sink into his skin. Unlucky Charlie loosens his collar as sweat begins to pour down his face. His eyes widen, and steam shoots from his ears, before his colour fades to normal. Aelyn Somniac says like a Witch Trials announcer: And that was Nymphnode's Adorian Antics.
Alleya's Scumble Bunny
Aelyn Somniac says like a Witch Trials announcer: I'll be casting another trick in the stead of Alleya this time, one you should all like: Alleya's Scumble Bunny. Aelyn Somniac shuffles into her Alleya look. Aelyn Somniac makes a few mystic passes with her hands, producing a bottle of scumble out of a mysterious fold of her clothing. She drinks deeply from the bottle, puffing her cheeks out to hold the liquid like an enchanting little chipmunk. Aelyn Somniac tilts her head back and spins around like a dervish, spraying out a fine mist of scumble into the air around her which forms into a pillar of sparkling yellow motes. Aelyn Somniac dances around and around the pillar waggling her bottom, wrinkling her nose and flopping her hands around her head in an uncanny imitation of a slighty-crazy bunny. A scumble bunny appears from the pillar, hops towards Unlucky Charlie and hands him a card before vanishing. He opens it, and can make out the words 'Happy Valentines Day'...before the card dissolves into a spray of scumble, drenching him completely. Aelyn Somniac says like a Witch Trials announcer: And that was Alleya's Scumble Bunny.
Punarina's Nuptial Negotiator
Aelyn Somniac says like a Witch Trials announcer: Next witch to perform: Punarina, with her *ahem* Nuptial Negotiator. Mrs Punarina Plavalaguna says in Morporkian with a Lancrastian accent: people often ask me, 'how did you convince the confirmed bachelor, Mr Tempus Beaverhousen to marry you, and enter his current state of marital bliss?' Mrs Punarina Plavalaguna says in Morporkian with a Lancrastian accent: Tempus himself has also asked the same question on several occasions Mrs Punarina Plavalaguna says in Morporkian with a Lancrastian accent: I have always been silent on the subject, but feel now is the time to reveal how I came to ensnare my husby. I simply cast this little spell on him ... Mrs Punarina Plavalaguna glances around, looking for a victim, er, that is, a possible spouse to exert her womanly charms upon. Mrs Punarina Plavalaguna flutters her eyelashes demurely at Unlucky Charlie, whilst raising her hem slightly to reveal the enchanting hint of some quite formidable undergarments. Mrs Punarina Plavalaguna slowly raises her hem further, chanting softly under her breath, as Unlucky Charlie's eyes are drawn inexorably down towards the black frilly lace that is revealed. As Mrs Punarina Plavalaguna exposes a little more leg, Unlucky Charlie's face reddens as he glimpses the enchanting sight of the least 'skimpy' pair of knickers in existence (apart from Grannies), lurking beneath the raised petticoats. Punarina raises her skirts and flashes the full vision of her undergarments at Unlucky Charlie. He gasps and falls at Punarina's feet, forever enthralled to her truly awe inspiring underwear.
Sultana Keb's Sultry Seduction
Aelyn Somniac says like a Witch Trials announcer: Well, if that wasn't Exciting I don't know what is. ;) But just in case some of us don't know, next we've got Sultana Keb's Sultry Seduction! Sultana Keb Casaubon says in Morporkian with a Lancrastian accent: I daresay my form of seduction isn't near as powerful as Punarina's. After all, I haven't a husband to vouch for it. Keb Casaubon locks eyes with Unlucky Charlie, and gives him an charming smile. Swaying her hips seductively, Keb Casaubon slides closer to Unlucky Charlie with enchantment burning in her eyes. Keb Casaubon raises a single finger and dramatically summons Unlucky Charlie to join her. Keb Casaubon takes Unlucky Charlie's right hand and places it on her waist, holding his other hand in position to dance. Lost in Keb's eyes, Unlucky Charlie dances perfectly, to music no one else can hear, with Keb in his arms.
Nanna Jehane's Valentine Surprise
Aelyn Somniac says like a Witch Trials announcer: Just one more trick, the last trick of this year's Trials: Nanna Jehane's Valentine Surprise! Wee Fole von Bruxa puts on her Nana Jehane wig again Wee Fole von Bruxa says in Morporkian with a Lancrastian accent: this is Nanna Jehane's Valentine Surprise Nanna Fole von Bruxa is shopping in Genua when she suddenly is cursed by a bunch of thugs. Nanna Fole von Bruxa pulls on a piece of string that dangles from her hat and it suddenly changes into an ornate plumed helm. Nanna Fole von Bruxa puts on some airs and says: Roight then, this be an undercover custom inspection. Take me to your coachhouse. Nanna Fole von Bruxa binds the thugs hands and puts them against the wall. Nanna Fole von Bruxa says: Keep your face to the wall and spread them, lads. Nanna Fole von Bruxa sneaks outside. Nanna Fole von Bruxa grabs an entire beehive and shakes it animatedly. Nanna Fole von Bruxa throws the hive inside and quickly closes the door. Nanna Fole shouts through the window: Happy Saint Valentines Day Massacre!
Results of the Lancre Witch Trials 2006
Note #50 by Aelyn at Sat Feb 4 18:36:23 2006 on board witchesguild Wotchers! Here are the results of the Lancre Witch Trials 2006 - as witches are collectively rather indecisive (being all of different minds) we had quite a number of ties this year. For the Freestyle (3 stages and under) category: Granny Weatherwax won unanimously, Glasrhosyn came in second with Rose Light and Earwax and Nell were joint third with Rolling Hagstones and A Little Lesson respectively. For the Freestyle (4 stages and more) category: Granny Weatherwax won without opposition, Fole was second with her Frolicing Frivolity while Kit and Phoibe tied for third place with Naughty Knitting Needles and Celebration respectively. For the Valentine's themed category: Granny Weatherwax won by a landslide while Punarina came in second by a slightly smaller landslide with her Nuptial Negotiations. Earwax, Kit and Phoibe tied for third place with Channel No. 5, Unsolicited Wooing and Valentine's Surprise respectively. The Keb Casaubon Most Promising Young Witch award was awarded to Nymphnode for her excellent tricks in both freestyle and Valentine's categories. If you didn't get your prize, please mudmail me and we'll get it to you. Thanks again to all who entered a trick, spectated, helped out or otherwise did something for the Trials - special thanks to Warfal for batsitting, Elauna for translation, Lidia and Mono for their helpfulness, and Pythium and Geryon for their help in obtaining the prizes. Especial thanks to our sponsors (the Teapot and the AMD) and Michi for their generosity. Fluffs to all the marvelous witches tonight - it was a splendid turnout. A log will be available at https://beam.to/witch-trials We remain no longer yours, Aelyn Somniac, Earwax, Fole von Bruxa, Nut D'Spicey and Tohya Stompywitch  of different witches, most of the time.  Well, til the next Trials. I think.