User:Wrathe/Assassin Speedrunners

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New guide on Assassins and for newbie assassins who keep asking for help on the assassins trials/runs

Why assassins


  • Quite powerful and covert, sneak attack
  • For those who want play style and titles
  • Politics


  • Not recommended for newbie players, lots of requirements and runs limiting
  • Not as much newbie chests and player community tends to be small and secretive
  • Sub-guild experiences tend to differ a lot
  • Politics

Hashishim/Newbies is another link

On the run for AM Guild of Assassins:

  • Entrance to the Run in the south-eastern bell tower, and starting it is often considered part of the test
  • You only get to do the Run once if you complete it.
  • There are a number of different courses for the run, so not every assassin takes the same test

AM Guild of Assassins Cordat

 -THE CORDAT-                        
                The book of Assassins.                   
   This is a volume of great importance to all those     
   who are attempting to learn the art of the Assassin.  
   It holds information concerning specialised weapons,  
   poisons and other information that may not only       
   help you pass "the run", but save your life as well   
   (although this could amount to the same thing).   

 -The Guild of Assassins-                
   The Guild is one of the hardest to succeed in and     
   is hard to get into, and even harder to leave from    
   while still upright. Upon graduation an Assassin      
   should be at home in any company and able to behave   
   like a gentleman or lady of breeding.                 
   The Guild has a strict sense of honour and its most    
   important rule is: Nil Mortifi Sine Lucre (no death   
   without payment). Other rules, made by the Guild      
   Master or Mistress, have been written up into a       
   charter, which all Assassins must obey. Those who do  
   not might feel the Guild's terminal displeasure.      

 -The run: Advice for students-             
   The run is something that all Assassins must do in    
   order to graduate from the guild. It may be attempted  
   at any time, but only those who have learnt all that  
   the guild has to teach are likely to succeed.  Some   
   extra-curricula training in balancing and vaulting    
   may be needed to safely traverse rooftop routes.      
   In order to begin, you must find your examiner on the  
   roof and ask them if you may do the run.  Remember,   
   politeness is the calling card of the Assassin.       
   According to the rules, your examiner is required to  
   ask you three questions. All of the answers can be    
   found in this book, so it is vital that you study it  
   well. Once you have answered the questions correctly  
   you may proceed on the run, it is best to carry as    
   little as possible while taking those things that may  
   be needed to disarm the traps and of course you will  
   need to take a weapon to inhume with.  

   While nothing your examiner does can be considered    
   unfair, they will not kill you directly. Instead they  
   will try to get you to kill yourself. So beware       
   an Assassin's constant enemies: carelessness, poor    
   maintenance of tools, ill-preparedness and over-      

   There are six different routes that the run takes.    
   The traps vary on each route and are carefully        
   hidden. If you trigger one, the consequences may be   
   dire so you should look everywhere for them. Once a   
   trap has been found it should be examined carefully,  
   in order to discover how to disarm it. If you fall    
   victim to a trap, you should attempt the run again    
   only after you have recovered.  

   Poison is an almost irreplaceable tool, essential to  
   every Assassin. There are quite a number of different  
   poisons available, crushed diamonds used to be quite  
   popular, though their efficacy has yet to be proven.  
   Giant spiders, mustick by ear and mercury have all    
   been used, while arsenic remains a favourite. At the  
   present time, Assassins generally favour three        
   poisons that can be administered by dart: achorion    
   purple, hemlock and bloat.                            
   Achorion purple is derived from a mould, Achorion     
   quinckanum, and has the effect of greatly reducing    
   a victim's health, often to the point of death. It is  
   characterised by its rich purple colour and runny,    
   syrup-like consistency.                                
   Hemlock is derived from the hemlock plant, Conium     
   maculatum and in certain preparations, attacks the    
   victim's overall constitution. It is a colourless,    
   oily liquid.                                          
   Bloat is extracted from the deep sea blowfish,        
   Singularis minutia gigantica, which protects itself   
   from enemies by inflating itself to many times its    
   normal size.  If taken by humans in sufficient        
   quantities it has the effect of making every cell in  
   the body instantaneously try to swell some two        
   thousand times.  This is invariably fatal, and very   
   loud.  It is an expensive but effective poison that   
   is highly sought after. It is an oily brown liquid.

   As well as many poisons being derived from plants and  
   animals, so too are antidotes.                        
   For example, spime is an extremely rare antidote to   
   certain snake venoms, and is obtained from the liver  
   of the inflatable mongoose.                           

   Upon successful completion of the run students        
   graduate to become full Assassins. They gain the      
   ability to inhume and to close the precalculated      
   contracts that the guild deems suitable for their     
   ability level.                                        
   After gaining adequate experience in matters of the   
   guild and a demonstrated aptitude for inhumation,     
   Assassins are entitled to attempt the more difficult  
   contracts restricted to senior Assassins.             
   Three methods of inhumation are approved by the       
   Guild: stabbing, fired and thrown.                    
   Stilettoes, elegant stilettoes and poniards can be    
   used for the stabbing method. This method is more     
   powerful but requires more skill, and so is only recommended for the more senior Assassin.   

   Both the crossbow and the blowpipe rely on the        
   Assassin's ability at firing weapons. Fired weapons   
   must be loaded, and light-weight ammunition, such     
   as darts, must contain a deadly poison for a chance   
   of a successful inhumation.                           
   In situations where it is not prudent to carry an     
   obvious weapon, one that is disguised as something    
   else might be a wise choice. Kompt de Yoyo sells a    
   variety of musical instruments crafted just for       
   such an occassion.                                     
   Throwing knives allow an assassin to strike a point   
   on a target with great accuracy from varying ranges   
   and, not surprisingly, rely on the Assassin's ability  
   with thrown weapons.            

   The knives are of differing lengths and range from    
   the small, yet weighty number 5 to the almost         
   cumbersome number 12. Lengths and weights are shown   
   on the next page

 -Throwing knives (Lengths and Weights)-         
             Length      Weight   Throwing Distance      
            (fingers)    (clams)       (feet)            
      Five     4.0         5.0           75              
      Six      4.5         5.5           60              
      Seven    5.0         6.0           50              
      Eight    6.0         8.0           45              
      Nine     7.0        10.0           40              
      Ten      7.5        14.0           35              
      Eleven   9.0        20.0           30              
      Twelve  10.0        25.0           27      

Good books to take out of the library for AM Assassins:

  • r1ae01: Advice for the Run, Ed. 1 by Aell

The first piece of advice that most graduated Assassins will give you is that
you should guildmax all of your skills.  For the impatient, looking to merely
complete the Run, this means all of your covert and fighting skills, your
health and your perception.

You may also have heard that you'll need acrobatic skills to get through the
Run, however guildmaxing these will not be enough.  50 levels is the suggested

Skills can be TM'd in the guild -- climing in the climbing room, acrobatics on
the sculpture in the southeast corner of the courtyard, and various other
primaries in the training rooms.


Take with you what you think you will need and ONLY what you think you will
need.  Unnecessary equipment will weigh you down and could be the difference
between passing and failing a skillcheck.

In regards to what you need, think about what an Assassin would need for a
successful infiltration and inhumation mission, as this is what you are being
tested on.  Would you need to get through a door?  Would you need to close a
contract?  Will it be dark?  Careful planning can be critical.

Having said that, should you get to a point and realise you have forgotten
something, don't be afraid to backtrack and retrieve it.  Trying to advance
without the correct equipment can be deadly.


Having started the Run, your perception will be put to the test. Not the
perception skill (although that will definitely come in handy) but the
perception of you as a player.  Have you looked at everything?  Have you looked
at it again?  If that object describes something else have you further examined
it? (i.e. if you look at a rock that says "This is a mossy rock", have you
looked at the moss too?)
  • r1ll01: Pre Run Guide to the Assassins' Guild by Llylia
- Advance to 25 levels  
- fighting to 5
- fighting.defence to 10
- to 75
- fighting.melee to 10
- fighting.melee.dagger to 75
- covert to 5
- covert.stealth to 10
- covert.stealth.outside to 75
- covert.stealth.inside to 75
- covert.stealth.underwater to 50
- covert.item to 10
- covert.item.weapon to 75

Advance covert.points to 75 - this allows you to have the guild points to
For the rest we recommend you max all your primary skills to 75. The ones you
have left are:
- covert.hiding.person
- covert.lockpick.doors
- covert.lockpick.traps
- covert.items.poisons
- covert.items.traps
- fighting.range.thrown
- fighting.range.fired
- other.movement.climbing.rock
- other.movement.climbing.rope

Also, make sure you advance fighting.points to 15 and adventuring.points to 25. This
helps to perform activities such as fighting or climbing.
Try to get adventuring.acrobatics.balancing as well as tumbling and vaulting to 25.

General Advice

Go to the run with as little on you as possible. A throwing knife and a
lockpick should do the trick.

Remember, it's easier to climb and balance without shoes or things in your

On Poisons: (Poison#Poison_creation)


A guide to the Ninja of Agatea:

History of the ninja                     
   There are two main theories about how the ninja came into  
   being, both linked to the samurai of the Empire.           
   In the first theory, outcasts of society banded together   
   against the ruling warrior class - the samurai.  It is     
   said that those unwilling to serve the samurai and their   
   lords fled to remote and mountainous regions of the        
   Empire.  There they banded together, creating villages     
   and training in the martial arts, espionage, swordplay,    
   assassination and the art of disguise.                     
   They soon became renowned for their skills and warlords    
   would hire them to perform missions the samurai were       
   unwilling to take.                                         
   The second theory posits that the ninja were specially     
   selected samurai trained in the arts of espionage and      
The ninja of today                       
   Whatever their origins, the ninja of today have found a    
   special niche in Agatean society.  They have formalised    
   their teaching methods and codified their ideals.  They    
   value honour, amongst themselves most of all, and have     
   adopted a system where one ninja is elected as Sensei to   
   create laws which all ninja must obey.                     
   While they primarily focus on assassination, or inhuming,  
   as it is also known, they are still taught a variety of    
   other useful skills.  They are expected to become masters  
   of Agatean culture and arts so as to better blend in.      
   The ninja first became a force for political change in     
   the Hunghung court where assassination was a part of every  
   day life in the great political game.  Recognising that    
   even merchants and common citizens have enemies, they have  
   since branched out to other cities, including Bes Pelargic,
   and offer their services to anyone who can afford them.

Ninja officials                          
   There are five ninja officials:                            
   The Sensei is a ninja, of the rank jounin, who has been    
   elected by other ninja to head the organisation.  The      
   Sensei is charged with creating the rules that all ninja   
   must obey and punishing those ninja that fail to do so.    
   He or she also has the means to protect ninja from outside  
   threats by placing vendetta contracts on individuals who   
   target ninja.  The Sensei can appoint Karuma who are ninja  
   capable of closing these contracts.                        
   There are two ninja Mentors - one must be female and the   
   other male.  Mentors are appointed by the Sensei and have  
   the task of helping the Sensei and assisting ninja and     
   punishing rule breakers when the Sensei is away.           
   Appointed by the Sensei, the role of Avatar of the Ninja   
   is an important one.  The Avatar should embody everything  
   a ninja should be.  He or she is both a gentle guide and   
   a disciplinarian.  The Avatar may shame ninja who do not   
   behave appropriately and forgive those who have made       
   Poet Laureate                                              
   The Poet Laureate is the official poet for the ninja.  He  
   or she is appointed by the Sensei and is given the duties  
   of writing poetry for official events and approving other  
   ninja's poetry for inclusion in the library.               
   The ninja who currently hold these positions can be seen   
   on a scroll in the entrance to the building.      

Ninja staff                              
   Master Yung                                                
   A respected elder of the ninja, Master Yung's role is to   
   teach ninja the skills they will need to advance through   
   the ranks.  He likes to stroll around the building and     
   is often found relaxing in the lounge.                     
   Tu For Teeh                                                
   Skilled in performing the tea ceremony, Tu For Teeh trains  
   ninja to perform this most complex ritual with due respect  
   to tradition.  She can be found in the tea room.           
   Nokanko guards the entrance to the building, making sure   
   that only ninja pass into the rooms beyond it.             
   The public face of the ninja, Teli spends her time in the  
   public inhumation office, greeting visitors and accepting  
   contracts and donations.                      

   Sec Li                                                     
   Sec Li watches over the contract scroll in the lounge, it  
   is to him that ninja go to collect their earnings.  

   Iki Banu                                                   
   It is Iki Banu's job to see that willing ninja develop an  
   appreciation for Agatean crafts such as pottery, flower    
   arranging, furoshiki and playing musical instruments.      
   Pretty Fast Heel                                           
   Adept at healing, Pretty Fast Heel will heal wounds and    
   mend broken legs for a small fee.  She can be found just   
   a short distance from the dojo, much to the relief of      
   those ninja over-confident in their abilities.             
   Long Nudle                                                 
   An expert chef, Long Nudle works in the restaurant making  
   delectable dishes for ninja to consume.  His specialty is  
   a dish made with blowfish, which is deadly if not prepared  
   Grasping Hands                                             
   Grasping Hands runs the equipment shop located off the  
   Pan Hing                                                   
   Pan Hing has duties that are not prudent to mention.       
   Rhed Taip                                                  
   Rhed Taip is charged with running the Ru Noperi and seeing  
   that only ninja who are skilled enough pass into the ranks  
   of jounin.                                                  
   Wun Hair Bunn                                              
   Stationed in the library, Wun Hair Bunn acts as librarian,  
   secretary and general busybody.  She is the person to see  
   to collect inhumation belts and headbands.    

Ninja ranks                              
   There are three ranks of ninja: genin, chunin and jounin.  
   All previously untrained ninja start as genin.  Genin are  
   not allowed to inhume or vote and cannot advance beyond    
   level fifty.                                               
   Chunin are able to vote in elections and close specially   
   selected contracts (on NPCs). Chunin are unable to advance  
   beyond level one hundred and seventy five.  To become a    
   chunin, a genin must tell Master Yung that he or she is    
   ready to inhume.  The Master will then quiz the ninja to   
   see if this is true.                                       
   A jounin is a ninja of the highest rank.  Jounin may close  
   all contracts listed in the scroll, vote in elections and  
   become the Avatar, a Mentor or the Sensei.  A jounin may   
   also advance his or her skills to the highest possible     
   level.  To become a jounin, a chunin must pass the Ru      
   Noperi - a test of skill and a ninja's attention to detail.

   Finding the start to the Ru Noperi is its first test. 
   All ninja must advance with the assistance of Master Yung.  
   Genin and chunin are required to carry out chores in order  
   to advance. Not only is this a good saving on cleaning     
   staff, it also demonstrates that there is something to be  
   learnt even when doing the most menial of tasks.           
   As ninja advance through the ranks, they are given a title  
   based on their rank.  Ninja who would prefer to be known   
   by their animal title should tell Master Yung that they    
   would like to use animal titles.  Each animal has some     
   attribute or skill that a ninja of that level either       
   embodies or should aspire to.          

Facilities and training                  
   The ninja facilities in the headquarters on Silk Lane      
   are so complete that a ninja need only leave them to close  
   A dormitory with sleeping mats and a communal chest can be  
   found upstairs.  There ninja may store items they wish to  
   donate to other ninja.  Basic bathing facilities can be    
   found in the vegetable garden.                             
   Meals can be taken in the restaurant on the ground floor   
   and a relaxing game of chess can be played with others in  
   the lounge to the south.  The secluded garden is ideal for  
   meditation and the library for quiet contemplation.        
   There are numerous rooms in which a ninja may practise his  
   or her skills.  Combat may be practised in the dojo and    
   various artistic skills can be honed in the craft room and  
   pottery.  There are many other training opportunities      
   available elsewhere for the observant ninja.       

   Once a ninja has learnt the inhuming technique from Master  
   Yung, he or she can start closing contracts.  Active       
   contracts are listed on the scroll in the lounge.  There    
   is no need to formally accept a contract, instead a ninja  
   just needs to find the person and attempt to inhume them.  
   If successful, payment will be waiting for the ninja upon  
   their return to the lounge.  A percentage of the contract  
   cost is taken for administrative costs.  

   If a ninja breaks the rules set by the Sensei to the point  
   where one of the officials is forced to shame him or her,  
   the ninja may make amends by performing seppuku.           
   In this highly ritualised ceremony, held in the secluded   
   garden, the shamed ninja dons ceremonial garb and commits  
   suicide with a ceremonial sword.  In doing so, he or she   
   expunges his or her shame and is once again considered to  
   be an honourable ninja.  This ceremony must be witnessed   
   by Master Yung.


I, Ishko Mendae, Noble Dragon, have started   
   this diary as a record of my experimentations  
   with poisons.  I hope that one day my work    
   will be of use to other ninja. 

Poisonous plants that may have pote          

     Angel's trumpet - grows as shrub/          
       may have use as hallucinogen?            
     deadly nightshade - small plant wi         
       purple flowers and berries, may          
     lotus flowers - found growing in/n         
       water, renowned to cause languor a       
     lilies - some varieties reputed to be       
     borage, certain moulds/fungi?              
     hemlock - tall with yellow stem and white  
       flowers, found wild in plains around     
       foreign  city of Ankh-Morpork       

Venomous/poisonous animals:                  

     spiders and snakes have venom               
     blowfish is dangerous to touch             
       be deadly to eat, but if prep            
       properly, is safe.  This must mea        
       the toxic part of it can be extracte      
       I must learn how to do this!             
     some toads and frogs from the strange      
       lands beyond the Wall are said to be     
       quite toxic     

Possible solvents:                           
     alcohol - would rice wine work?            
     acid - different types might wor           
       different plants                         
     alkalis - soda ash?

Monday 27th June Prime, 1990                  

   I have decided to investigate the             
   of the angel's trumpet flower.                
   long been known to be dangerous,              
   bizarre visions and sensations.  I            
   they have much potential as a halluc          

   Wednesday 29th June Prime, 1990               

   I've had little success with the groun        
   trumpet flower dissolved in acid, but wat     
   shows some promise.                           

   Thursday 30th June Prime, 1990                

   Water was the key; a strange milky grey       
   liquid resulted from this marriage, but the   
   effects were quite disappointing.  Attempts
   to concentrate this mixture proved pointless.  
   I wonder if some other substance is needed    
   to fully realise the potential of this        

   Octeday 4th Grune Prime, 1990                 

   I confess; I am vexed!  I have yet to find    
   the key to unlocking the angel's trumpet - I  
   may yet revisit it.

   Wednesday 12th Ember Prime, 1990              

   I spent some months as an apprentice of famed  
   chef Yun Chan.  Under him, I learnt how to    
   safely extract the poison sac of the deadly   
   blowfish, and how to properly season pork.    

   Saturday 15th Ember Prime, 1990               

   It seems that drying and grinding the sac     
   was not the best idea I have ever had.        

   Wednesday 28th Ember Prime, 1990              

   I recently acquired some rare scorpion sacs   
   from the dangerous ghost-infested lands       
   outside the Wall.  I was advised to press the  
   sacs, and this process produced a small       
   quantity of pale red liquid.                  
   I was told that this would strengthen any     
   poison I added it to, but it had little effect
   on the angel's trumpet solution and did not   
   help with the extraction of the blowfish      
   poison.  I have decided to seek vengeance on  
   the dishonourable trader who sold me the      

   Saturday 1st Ick Prime, 1990                 

   The cursed merchant esc   d me!  But not all  
   is lost, as I realised      the same method  
   of extracting the essen      the scorpion    
   should work for the sac     he blowfish,     
   I will work on a better mechanism for        
   press  g tomorrow.                           

   Monda    h Ick Prime, 1990                   

   The pr  s worked! I was able to extract 4    
   ounces  f pale brown liquid from o   sac!!   
   I tested a small amo  t of this li  id on a  
   a rat.  Its body ex    ed quite alarmingly,  
   and it appeared to     n some discomfort     
   but it did not die.    will experiment with  
   ways of strengthening this poison. 

Sunday 26th Ick Prime, 1990                  

   Success!!!  I have made a highly effective    
   fo        lowfish poison!  The key was to    
               down the pale brown   quid by    
              it!  This produced    ily brown   
               proved quite effic  nt at         
   ex        the target's body to several times  
   its natural size.  This    sed the rat to    
   explode quite messily a    ver this diary,   
   as a matter of fact! 

   Thursday 1st February Secundus, 1990         

   I recently went to a cousin's wedding and     
   many firecrackers were set off in            
   celebration.  This made me ponder the use of 
   the explosive nitrate mixture in some sort   
   of device - perhaps to spread other poisons   
   in gaseous form?                             

   Friday 18th February Secundus, 1990          

   My brother the scholar!  I owe much to this  
   man.  He begged me to see his new collection  
   of books and scrolls.  Amongst them I found  
   a fable about a far off land where the fruit  
   of the lotus could make strangers forget     
   their native land.                           
   I intend to investigate this at some time.   
   Could a plant cause forgetfulness as it is   
   described?  And what use is that to a ninja?

   Octeday 18th June Secundus, 1990             

   Serendipity is the mother of all great       
   discoveries!  I was working on the mixture   
   from the firecrackers when a serving girl     
   brought my afternoon tea into my lab!        
   Such a stupid girl!  What right-minded man   
   would eat where he prepares all manner of    
   poisons?  I have lectured all my staff on     
   this!  I yelled at her, determined to drum   
   in this important lesson, but she startled,  
   spilling the tray she carried all over my    
   I was furious!  Hours of work ruined.  The   
   girl could see the anger in my eyes and      
   wisely fled.  It was then that I noticed     
   that the firecracker mixture was smoking     
   furiously.  I could barely see a thing.      
   I stumbled out of the lab and managed to     
   learn from the girl, when she had finally  
   calmed down, that the tray contained my      
   usual cup of orange pekoe tea.  But it also  
   held some new season plums and a bowl of     
   sugar as they were still quite tart.  Sugar!  
   Such a sweet answer.

Wednesday 7th Grune Secundus, 1990           

   I have spoken to a ninja friend of mine who  
   excels at pottery.  I'm afraid that I've     
   not managed more than an ugly pot.  She      
   believes that she can create a hollow ball   
   thin enough to break easily but strong 

  Saturday 18th Grune Secundus, 1990           

   I swear, as soon as a man sits himself down  
   to work, all manner of chaos erupts!         
   I had just started examining some toad skins  
   that I was able to purchase, when my old     
   gardener comes to me, begging for several    
   hundred rhinu to replace my wife's peonies.  
   Peonies!  I remained calm, pointing out that  
   the plants were only new, and why should     
   they need to be replaced?  They were all     
   struggling, as though weakened, he said.     

   Now, I know the man is getting on in years,  
   but he happens to be an excellent gardener   
   so they could not be dying due to lack of    
   care.  I asked him what caused this, and he  
   told me that it's the geraniums.             
   Somehow, some leaves had got in the water    
   barrel used to collect rain and tainted it.

   I gave the poor man the money, just to shut  
   him up, but it got me thinking.              
   The geraniums could not be harmful to people  
   as the gardener himself drinks from that     
   But plants...                                
   What use is that to a ninja?  It is unlikely  
   we would be hired to poison a crop! 

   Friday 10th August Secundus, 1990            

   Both blue and white lotus, when ground are   
   soluble in water.  These produce a deep blue  
   and a pale creamy liquid, respectively.       
   It is diffi   ty to test the effects of      
   'teas' as t     are surprisingly few people  
   willing to v   nteer.  Perhaps a student     
   ninja, who has misbehaved?                   

   Wednesday 24th August Se  ndus, 1990         

   It is surprising what yo  g men will do if   
   you dare them!  But at l  st I have found    
   that the lotus teas need something else      
   before they will become effective poisons.

   Wednesday 9th Spune Secundus, 1990           

   I have decided that I must explore further   
   afield.  If I am ever to become a master     
   poison maker, I must examine other plants    
   grown in foreign lands.  I know it is the    
   position of the Empire, that nothing exists  
   beyond the wall apart from vampire ghost     
   infested lands, but I am not convinced.      
   There have been tales for years about brave,  
   or foolish, men and women daring to escape   
   the Imperial Guard to explore the wider      
   world.  Some have come back, some have not.  
   But those that did are said to have told of  
   strange lands not, as we are warned, full    
   of evil ghosts, but people and cities.       
   The very trader that I purchased the useless  
   scorpion sacs from, claimed to have got them  
   from a far off desert land.                  
   I will make inquiries, discreet ones, about
   a voyage on the morrow.

Tuesday 16th Spune Secundus, 1990            

   Well, it is all settled.  I leave for what   
   lies beyond the Wall in a week.  The price   
   Captain Sing is charging me is exorbitant,   
   but he came highly recommended.              
   My wife is well used to me spending some     
   time away from home on missions, but I fear  
   I will be gone for a very long time, this    
   trip.  No doubt she will take up a lover,    
   as she always does, while I am absent.

Octeday 30th Spune Secundus, 1990            

   Well here I am, nearly a week into my ocean  
   voyage.  I must admit    some trepidation    
   as we journey further    m everything I have  
   ever known, and closer  o unfamiliar lands.  
   All m   er of storms have rocked our vessel,  
   terri    winds, hail, raindrops the size of  
   rocks,  nd deafening thunder. To pass the    
   time the sailors have been tellin     tales  
   of the wonderous creatures that      there.  
   Short men    h long beards and a    dness    
   for gold,    all things.  Rocky monsters     
   that turn    stone when the sun shines upon  
   them, and men and women that turn into dogs!  
   I wonder how much, if any, of this is true.  

   Thursday 3rd Sektober Secundus, 1990         

   It is fortunate that I brought a selection  
  of poison materials with me on this voyage,  
   I fear that a man could quickly go mad with  
   nought to do but look at the unceasing       
   blueness of the sea.                         

   Friday 12th Sektober Secundus, 1990          

         endless blue ocean                     
         light glistening atop waves            
         cold wind, salty spray

  Octeday 23rd Sektober Secundus, 1990         

   I had a much needed distraction yesterday!   
   The captain had warned that as we neared     
   foreign trade routes, we may come across     
   pirates who wanted to steal our cargo, it    
   seems that he was correct.  A ship pulled    
   alongside us in the dead of night, grabbed   
   the hull with vicious hooks on rope, and     
   we were besieged and out-numbered!           
   I raced from my quarters to find a full      
   battle between our men and the pirates.      
   I quickly joined the fray, dispatching one   
   foreign devil with my katana and another     
   with my wakizashi.  One pirate, a monster    
   of a man who stood three heads above me,     
   came at me with a spiked club.  He managed   
   to disarm me and I was forced to defend      
   myself with the martial arts.  He was much   
   stronger than I, but I was quicker.  I soon
   had him at a disadvantage and kicked him     
   overboard.  At this point I saw Captain Sing  
   in peril, so I quickly loaded my blowpipe    
   and fired a bloat-covered dart into his      
   assailant's neck.  I feel that this was the  
   turning point in the battle.  Once the        
   pirates saw his body expand and then explode  
   from the internal pressure, they seemed to   
   lose the will to fight!                      
   They quickly fled to their ship, leaving      
   their dead and dying behind.  We did not     
   escape unscathed, I'm afraid.  Two sailors   
   were killed and another badly injured.  I    
   was also devastated to discover that my      
   poisons kit had been ruined.  Fortunately,   
   this diary was safely stowed in my pocket.

  Octeday 1st Ember Secundus, 1990             

   Land at last!  I have arrived in a place     
   called Ankh-Morpork.  It is good to be on    
   solid land once more.  The smell of this     
   place!  If I could bottle the air itself and  
   condense it into a stronger form, I feel it  
   would make a very effective poison!          
   I realise now that the sailors were not      
   making it up; there are indeed small men     
   with beards and rocky monsters (although     
   I have not seen them turn to stone).  I have  
   yet to see a man turn into a dog!            

   Wednesday 4th Ember Secundus, 1990           

   My first f   days here have been fruitful.   
   It seems      this city has an organisation  
   similar t      ninja, called the Guild of    
   Assassins       s able to bribe a servant    
   there to          some books on poisons.     
   It seems         captain was correct; these  
   Morporki         em to value useless gold    
   quite a b          able to purchase almost   
   anything             for a few small coins!  
   The langu            is proving to be a much  
   bigger prob         so far I am getting by   
   with much s        uage and I am picking up  
   a few words       and there.                 

   Thursday 13th Ember Secundus, 1990           

   I have spent some time researching the       
   hemlock plant, which grows wild in the area  
   around Ankh-Morpork.  It is a tall herb,     
   with a pale yellow stem, small white flowers  
   and a strange odour.  The variety that grows  
   along rivers looks somewhat like another     
   culinary herb they have here, they call      
   The books    cquired suggest that when mixed  
   with sn         , a potent poison is created  
   that cau         eral feeling of illness and  
   making            ormally good constitution  
   more vul         o illness and other sorts   
   of poi                                       
   There d           to be many deadly snakes   
   in or aro           y, so perhaps another    
   area of t             has such reptiles.     
   I have care          ected some seeds and
   roots of t        , as I hope to grow it.

   Tuesday 4th December Secundus, 1990          

   Today I had a meeting with one of the city's  
   alchemists.  These are a strange group of    
   people.  It seems they spend much of their   
   time trying to turn lead into gold!  Why     
   would anyone want to turn lead, which at     
   least has some uses in metalwork, into gold  
   that is so soft it has little use??          
   Ignoring this basic insanity, I followed him  
   to his guild house (which seemed to be in    
   the middl  of construction) where he showed  
   me all m      of substances.  Some I knew    
   such a        and alkalis, and the nitrate   
   and su       ixture used in firecrackers.    
   Other s       s and powders were a complete  
   myster          ncluding something called    
   'batsu           d a very unpleasant smell,  
   and som             hat he was quite excited  
   about: ye             tion.  This acidic
   solutio              properties, including   
   having so         f energy and effect on     
   magical obj       en used in certain         

   Tuesday 13th Ick Secundus, 1990              

   I have spent the last few weeks in the city  
   of Djelibeybi and its surrounding desert     
   regions.  It is a most inhospitable place,    
   with little rain and tiring, dry hot days.   
   The nights in the desert are cold, too,      
   bitterly cold.  But I found some varieties   
   of deadly snakes and scorpions, and I have   
   collected poison sacs from them to study     
   in greater detail once I am home.  It seems  
   I was a bit hasty when I dismissed the       
   scorpion sacs I purchased as useless.        

   Friday 16th Ick Secundus, 1990               

   There seems to be little else of use here    
   in terms of poison making, although when I   
   made discreet inquiries on the topic, I was  
   given a pipe to smoke.  Since I had seen 

those around me puff away without apparent   
   harm, I took a few breaths.  An odd feeling  
   came over me, and everything seemed          
   remarkably humorous.  It didn't seem to do   
   me any harm, but I was left awfully hungry.  
   I don't believe this hasheesh, as they       
   called it, would be much use to me.

   Friday 24th Ick Secundus, 1990               

   I have returned to Ankh-Morpork and now have  
   a good collection of toad skins and scorpion,
   snake and spider sacs.  The spiders!  I will  
   have nightmares about those for years to     
   come!  I journeyed into a place the locals   
   called Gloomy Forest.  An apt name!          
   It was infested with spiders as wide as a    
   woman is tall.  They came at me, attacking   
   en masse.  They were quick, and one bit me   
   before I knew what was happening.  I thought  
   I was dead, the venom coursing through me    
   making me violently sick.  But I tried to    
   remember my training and concentrate on the  
   fight at hand.  I managed to kill the three  
   that attacked me, and from their corpses I   
   cut out the source of their poison.          
   Fortunately, I recovered and have no         
   long-term ill effects.

  I have also collected a variety of plants    
   that show promise.  I've gathered both dried  
   specimens and live samples and seeds.  I     
   hope to introduce the most promising ones to  
   my home soils...  Ah, home!  How I miss it.  
   It would be nice to walk down a street       
   without fear of being mugged (that fear is   
   much reduced when you are a ninja, I admit).  
   And I long to see an actual reflection in a  
   a river rather than a corpse lying atop it.

   Friday 1st Offle Prime, 1991                 

   I have just witnessed an interesting         
   tradition in this part of the Disc.  It was  
   called Hogswatch and it is celebrated on the  
   first day of Offle Prime.  It seems to       
   involve much feasting and the exchange of    
   gifts.  My alchemist friend, Dave Mudgins,   
   invited me to his family's Hogswatch dinner.  
   We had an acceptable meal of roasted pork    
   with a selection of root vegetables and      
   greens, but it did not compare to Agatean    
   After the feast came the exchange of gifts.  
   I was pleased to find that Dave gave me a    
   collection of jars filled with some of the   
   powders and solutions I found to be of       
   interest.  I was uncertain what would be a   
   suitable gift for this celebration, so I     
   gave him, and everyone there, a bag full of
   gold.  They seem most pleased with this.     
   However, they soon started arguing amongst   
   themselves, but Dave assured me that this    
   happened every year, so I assume it is some  
   part of this strange Hogswatch tradition.

  Wednesday 7th Offle Prime, 1991              

   Home!  I am going home after months spent in  
   this strange foreign land.  I do not regret  
   this time, though.  I have learnt much to    
   further my craft, and I have gathered plants  
   and materials unavailable at home.  With     
   these, I hope to improve and strengthen some  
   of the poisons I have made a start on.       
   At last I feel I have all the components     
   needed to realise the potential of the lotus  
   flower.  I will start brewing this poison    
   as soon as I get home, and may even test it  
   on my wife's beau.                           
   This diary has served me well, but seems to  
   have suffered as a result of my experiments.  
   I must write out my research and findings    
   properly, one day.