Random Mock Generator
In reverse chronological order.
She starts juggling a set of three brightly coloured balls. She doesn't seem very good at it - she stumbles back and forth, muttering under her breath as the balls barely stay under her control. Then you blink - and suddenly she's juggling six, ten, no! twenty! A third of the balls flare and light up with flame, the others twisting in the air and transforming into sharp knives, white doves and fizzing fireworks, twirling through the air in a dizzying dance. As you watch, mesmerized, the juggler grins brightly at you and winks - and suddenly her hands are empty again.
She holds out her empty palm. Above her hand, translucent bones as delicate as snowflakes whirl into being. Glowing tendons appear, pulling the bones together as bloody muscle coats the bones with a thickening layer of red. Viscerally coloured organs assemble themselves from air, sliding into place, shining, giving the half-formed creature its shuddering first breath. Finally, in two slow waves, pale pink skin and then fine ghostly white fur ripple over its body, leaving a small, still somewhat luminous, white rabbit. It looks disturbed.
You look around, but nothing seems to have changed. Shrugging, you go about your business. Years pass. You slowly garner both power and wealth, becoming one of the most influential people on the Disc. Hundreds flock to your mansion every day to kiss the ground at your feet. The strange failed illusion crosses your mind only once more, and is quickly forgotten. On your deathbed, with your massive extended family weeping around you, you smile gently and close your eyes with finality. ...the illusion dissolves into sparkling mist, leaving you feeling hollow.
You suddenly realise you're back in school. Huh?
Your teacher says: Where's your homework?
You pat down your pockets and realise that not only have you forgotten your homework, you're also naked! All the other students laugh at you. Screaming in horror, you curl up into a ball and hide until the illusion fades away.
A crack slowly snakes its way across the sky, a glowing red light shining through. Ominous organ music plays and the ground trembles and shakes as a subtly wrong presence pushes against the cracks, shattering the sky into a thousand falling shards of blue and white against an endless abyss of fiery darkness. You blink and everything looks normal again.
Note: Not mine, reposting because original source is currently down. http://i.imgur.com/qHpzWNb
In case I need to replace my stuff for whatever reason.
You are unburdened (27%) by: Holding : a Klein bottle (left hand). Wearing : a star sapphire ring, a twisted vine ring, a pair of platinum-framed spectacles, a silvery blue organza cloak, an amethyst-studded pair of white leather boots and a blue crystal ring. (under) : two black velvet bags, a delicate hyaline amulet, a mirrored timepiece, a silvery blue organza apron, a pair of silvery blue organza shorts, a utility belt, a silvery blue organza jacket, a silvery blue organza robe, two club badges, a Fang family crest, a silvery blue organza waistcoat, an oiled leather thigh holster, a shadowy twilight suspender belt, a silvery blue organza undershirt, a silvery blue organza petticoat, a silvery blue organza coat and a cerulean silk belt pack. Carrying: a large burlap sack.
The black velvet bag has one main pocket and one side pocket.
It is almost completely full with: 5 Ankh-Morpork royals, some Ankh-Morpork ten-dollars, 6 Ankh-Morpork dollars, one Ankh-Morpork half-dollar, 2 Ankh-Morpork ten-pence, 3 Ankh-Morpork pence, one Agatean Empire fifty-rhinu, 3 Agatean Empire ten-rhinu, some Agatean Empire rhinu, some Agatean Empire half-rhinu, some Agatean Empire saveloy-rhinu, 2 Djelian ras, 7 Djelian talents, 8 Djelian tooni, 7 Djelian talona, 8 Djelian ptascpi, 5 Genuan forins, 6 Genuan cents, some Lancre shillings and 2 Lancre tuppences, a wild honey yellow towel, Tetriknife, Tetridagger, a Klein bottle, a tin of sardines, many fishes carved from varnish, some white mineral powder, Bunny Shotgun, seven cured grflx right eyes, two cured grflx left eyes, six thread spools, a small silver needle, thirteen beeswax candles, an antique silver fountain pen, a piece of writing paper with blue edges, Vacuum Cleaner, a light pink and navy blue coloured candle, an open Djelian engraving pattern book, an open elemental engraving pattern book, a kitten whiskers white and gold flecked crimson marbled silk furoshiki cloth, a wooden whistle, a ball of congealed sap, a twisted vine ring, some fine black ash, some fine white ash, some fine grey ash, a pair of black pyjama bottoms, a tube of frog adhesive, a clear crystal shard, a Discworld map, seven handfuls of ground hasheesh, two large handfuls of chocolate covered coffee beans, a safety clip, a small compact, many dried carrots and a sheet of music.
The black velvet bag has one main pocket and one side pocket.
It is over half full with: Forcefield Projector, five balls of congealed sap, Subwoofer, two oak wands, Paintball Gun, a bold magenta crayon, four small sticks, eight beeswax candles, a speckled frog, a blood red gem pebble, a fake flower, a stone medallion, a fluorescent pink lollipop, some fine grey ash, some fine black ash, three open cheap flimsy chapbooks, some white mineral powder, some fine white ash, a pair of black silk trousers, a clear crystal shard, an ink well, a pamphlet, a jar of muscle oil, a tube of sunscreen, a Bes Pelargic arms permit, a silver arrowhead, an ivory handled toothbrush and a title changer.
This ring is made from a length of vine that has been wound round and round to form a circular shape. The vine itself is still alive, with small green leaves dotting it at intervals. The ring has been taught to mimic a large steel key, a privy key, a chunky iron key, a twisted silver key and a small key. It emits a slight octarine glow. It has the hazy octarine sparkle of a magical talisman.
This immense faceted sapphire sits clasped firmly in the setting of a broad silver band. A star formed from silver light seems to hover just beneath the surface of the gemstone, shifting this way and that as it tilts, and the band has been engraved with constellations of thickly clustered stars. Within the star sapphire, you can see a blue-violet oak staff, ready to be retrieved. It bears a small mark indicating that it is registered with the Ankh-Morpork Lost Property Office. It emits a slight octarine glow. It has the hazy octarine sparkle of a magical talisman. It appears to have something written on it.
Hypnoray is a silver pipe.
Forcefield Projector is a small leather shield.
Blorped locations: "bad ass granny" "bmp" "jak" "grflx" "cg cguards" "horse" "sta stables" "casino" "dojo" "1k parades" "salt" "boss medina" "gnt giants" "bm" "nella" "offler croc crocs" "savanna" "genua" "iil" "delbert" "boardgames" "lanfear" "bop" "bok" "creel" "thella" "uu" "eph ephebe" "tuna" "mail post" "thieves lau jim" "smug" "rat" "scrogden" "snail" "djel" "hatchet" "soake hide park" "gnu" "jonas" "bandits" "rogues bill" "nostos" "oasis" "lo" "pishe" "birds" "pizza" "sto lat aoa" "real estate" "home lav" "drum" "nowhere" "hillshire" "emp emporium" "towel" "sek" "artificers anonymous" "5ways ways" "oc" "escrow" "bpwiz ezhkrr" "lancre" "fez" "sonky" "kfl"