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Noshoes the Witch - UC 2042

Earn XP and Money by writing plays, short stories, poems, songs, etc to be performed IN GAME at the Dysk Theatre and in Collaboration with The Green Slab. (subject to change)

Contact me or Rauna in game and we can hire you as a playwright for the Dysk theatre. I can provide transcript services to turn your production into the correct format to be played on stage.

Add "events list" to your "login alias" and never miss a player run event again! And use "time set local <name> to <GMT offset>" to more easily see the local time of events.


Noshoes the Witch - Reporter for the Green Slab and the AM Daily, Daft Girl of House Fang, Basketcase.

Her nationality is Lancrastian and she is from Razorback.

She is a member of Rauna’s Rowdies.

She is a member of the Crimson Kids Gang, Cockbill Street, The Shades Fringes.

Co-Manager of the Dysk Theatre.

Marshal of the Playerkillers League (as Nixshoes)


  • Shoplifted a 5p stick of chalk and launder it via a complex player network.
  • Hub trip including bear squishes, bear fighting, and limb loss.
  • Be "thus invested without an actual vote" (PK marshal)
  • Solo challenges:
    • The AMCW (Vimes, Carrot, Angua, Dorf, Detritus, Nobby, Colon, etc)
    • The God Squad
    • Cohen the Barbarian
    • Dave the Most Horrid and Foul Necromancer
    • 71-hour Ahmed
    • Ilik Tanikalot
    • Citadel Guard

Player Reviews


Kayse wisps: Stranger Danger: don't enter a carriage with Noshoes.

Sevyn: Noshoes, with no respect whatsoever, no one ought to eat something you give them

Sevyn: It's just that you are a bit.....serial killery

Pancake wisps: There once was a witch without shoes, And three of her arms did she use, She'd fly on her broom, And bring you to doom, With apple you cannot refuse.

Nose Acquisition Data

(40 lb noses seem to be no more as of Nov 17, 2021.)

Squint Ogled Off Noses
Nose Type Weight in lbs Other Sources Misc
antelope &&&&&+1800 2 +Expression error: Unrecognized word "gazelle". gazelle
ape &&&&&&+900 <1 +Expression error: Unrecognized word "orangutan". orangutan, Drakko in Farnem Failey's Circus
badger &&&&&&+900 <1
basilisk &&&&&&+900 <1
bat &&&&+36000 40
bear &&&&&&+900 <1
big cat &&&&&&+900 <1 +Expression error: Unrecognized word "cougar". cougar, cheetah
camel &&&&&&+900 <1
cat &&&&&+1800 2 +Expression error: Unrecognized word "lynx". lynx
centaur &&&&&&+900 <1
chimera &&&&&&+900 <1
cow &&&&&&+900 <1 +Expression error: Unrecognized word "gaur". gaur, buffalo
deer &&&&&+1800 2
demon &&&&&&+900 <1 +Expression error: Unrecognized word "mephit". mephit, sludge monster
dog &&&&&&+900 <1 +Expression error: Unrecognized word "grass". grass wolf
dwarf &&&&&&+900 <1
fox &&&&&&+990 ~1 +Expression error: Unrecognized word "white". white dog fox, vixen +Expression error: Unrecognized word "about". about a pound, not like most which are "less than" a pound
giraffe &&&&&&+900 <1
gargoyle &&&&&&+900 <1 +Expression error: Unrecognized word "grrzt". Grrzt +Expression error: Unrecognized word "doesnt". doesn't decay
goat &&&&&+3600 4 +Expression error: Unrecognized word "ram". ram
golem &&&&&&+900 <1 +Expression error: Unrecognized word "made". made of clay, not golem flesh, doesn't decay
gnoll &&&&&&+900 <1 +Expression error: Unrecognized word "doesnt". doesn't decay
gnome &&&&&&+900 <1 +Expression error: Unrecognized word "pictsies". pictsies
hare &&&&&+1800 2
hengeyokai &&&&&&+900 <1
human &&&&&&+900 <1
hyena &&&&&&+900 <1
ice giant &&&&&&+900 <1
imp &&&&&&+900 <1
leopard &&&&&&+900 <1 +Expression error: Unrecognized word "also". also from panther
lion &&&&&&+900 <1
monkey &&&&&&+900 <1
moose &&&&&&+900 <1
mouse &&&&+36000 40
nymph &&&&&&+900 <1 +Expression error: Unrecognized word "oread". oread
panda &&&&&&+900 <1
rabbit &&&&&+6300 7 +Expression error: Unrecognized word "full". full body is 3 lbs
rat &&&&+36000 40
rodent &&&&+36000 40 +Expression error: Unrecognized word "chipmunk". chipmunk, lemming
sektarian demon &&&&&&+900 <1 +Expression error: Unrecognized word "sebboh". Sebboh
sheep &&&&&+3600 4
sprite &&&&&&+900 <1 +Expression error: Unrecognized word "will". will-o-the-wisp
squirrel &&&&+36000 40
stone giant &&&&&&+900 <1 +Expression error: Unrecognized word "doesnt". doesn't decay
strange &&&&&&+900 <1 +Expression error: Unrecognized word "straw". straw dummy
tharga &&&&&&+900 <1
tiger &&&&&&+900 <1
toothed whale &&&&&&+900 <1 +Expression error: Unrecognized word "killer". killer whale
troll &&&&&&+900 <1 +Expression error: Unrecognized word "yeti". yeti +Expression error: Unrecognized word "doesnt". doesn't decay
vampire &&&&&&+900 <1
vermine &&&&&&+900 <1
weasel &&&&&+5400 6
werewolf &&&&&&+900 <1
wolf &&&&&&+900 <1
whale &&&&&&+900 <1 +Expression error: Unrecognized word "blue". blue, humpback, grey whales +Expression error: Unrecognized word "inches". 3 inches long

(Thanks to Beasteater for helping me get a few noses via paralyze and spamming "get nose" from pesky beasts that quickly eat their noses)

Things without noses:

Birds, fish, reptiles, boar (snouts), elephants (trunks), horses, zebras, cabbage, insects

Noses I would like to squint off still:

Elf. I have only been able to cut the nose off a dead evil elfin cobbler, never squinted off of a live one.

Squinted Off Nose Description

"This is a nose of a _______."

When you log out and back in, the description changes to: "This is a nose severed from the corpse of a __________."

Directions to Fat Springs SPOILERS!

Six rooms east of the Clacks Bridge, off the roads just a few rooms east of Bonk, in Uberwald.

Fat Springs recorded damage when jumping in for the first time, pauses between: 218, 572, 295, 230, 486, 378, 226

Recorded time until jumping in and Death: 3 minutes and 13 seconds.

You will die if you do not leave after you see the message "You think you should leave quickly."