Ukulele of pain

Weapon	modify Instrument
Ukulele of pain Weapon information Precise dimensions 1 6/12 x 6/12 Material wood Weight 2 2/9 Thaums/sec 5 stable / 6 talisman / 10 max Hands 1 Commands none Melee type Misc weapon Judge data Speed 10 Extremely fast Maximum damage 3 Rather low Average damage 1 Extremely low Str Overall Attack ease Parry ease 15 8 quite good 11 rather easy 14 incredibly easy 16 8 quite good 11 rather easy 14 incredibly easy 17 9 pretty good 11 rather easy 14 incredibly easy 18 9 pretty good 12 very easy 14 incredibly easy 19 9 pretty good 12 very easy 14 incredibly easy 20 9 pretty good 12 very easy 14 incredibly easy 21 9 pretty good 12 very easy 14 incredibly easy 22 9 pretty good 12 very easy 14 incredibly easy
Ukulele of pain Musical instruments Information Type String Tuneable Yes Mallet No To play, must be... Held Size 1 6/12 x 6/12 Weight 2 2/9 lb Material Wood Other Misc weapon

The Ukulele of pain is both a misc weapon and a musical instrument.

Long Description

This ukulele looks more like a fat wooden-bat with strings, than an instrument. It seems to be an object of destruction that has been mended several times. It does look painful.

Appraises As

The ukulele of pain is about a foot and a half long and about six inches wide. It is made of wood and could be used as a weapon of type misc.

Acquisition

Kefka's item database

Public area

• None

NPC

• Francis wandering in Ankh-Morpork

Store

• None

Musical properties

The ukulele of pain is also a string instrument, requiring the crafts.music.instruments.stringed skill to play. A bonus of approximately ? in this skill is required to play with average ability.

Messages

Strum

Bonus Range	Message
105	A horrible noise, akin to a small animal being tortured, comes from your ukulele of pain as you strum it.
105	You carelessly play a few clashing notes on your ukulele of pain.
191-209	You strum the same chord over and over on your ukulele of pain.
184-241	You strum the same chord monotonously on your ukulele of pain.
185-209	You strum a few chords on your ukulele of pain.
209-241	You quickly strum a sequence of chords on your ukulele of pain.
241	You deftly strum a few chord progressions on your ukulele of pain.

Play

Bonus Range	Message
157-163	You carelessly play a few clashing notes on your ukulele of pain.
184-207	You quickly play a discordant melody on your ukulele of pain.
191-209	You slowly play a few chords on your ukulele of pain.
185-241	You play a repetitive tune on your ukulele of pain.
191-249	You play an elegantly simple melody line on your ukulele of pain.
241-249	With creative flair, you play a delicate and interesting tune on your ukulele of pain.
264	You expertly play your ukulele of pain, creating a complex yet beautiful tune 'Best Message'

Perform

Bonus Range	Message
191	You create a noise akin to that made when a raven finds an eyeball as you perform a solo on your ukulele of pain.
184-209	You perform an irritating solo on your ukulele of pain.
241	You perform a lacklustre solo on your ukulele of pain.
241	You play a humdrum solo on your ukulele of pain.
241	You timidly perform a peaceful solo on your ukulele of pain.
241	You play a peaceful solo on your ukulele of pain.

Serenade

Bonus Range	Message
184-191	You serenade <target> with an awful melody on your ukulele of pain.
207-241	You serenade <target> with an uninteresting tune on your ukulele of pain.
209-241	You play a tiresome tune for <target> on your ukulele of pain.
209-241	You play a simple tune on your ukulele of pain for <target>.
241	You skilfully serenade the young truffle pig with a moving melody on your ukulele of pain.
241	Working your ukulele of pain seductively, you serenade <target> with a romantic tune.
241	With elegant movements you play a folksong about two doves on your ukulele of pain, serenading <target>.