# Research:Gods

The priests are especially rich in thematic variation. When deciding which deity to follow have as much information as possible can help a lot to decide if and how it fits with your style.

# Gods

## Pishe, Goddess of Slight Showers

The goddess Pishe is focused upon growth and regeneration. Her slight showers are ideal for the proliferation of plants, which in turn nurture animals and people. Her priests and priestesses often live peaceful lives, devoted to the protection of the living things which Pishe loves so dearly. She is generally viewed as the matron of healers, herbalists, and anyone else that shares Her love of growth.

The commandments of Pishe include: Be the vessel through which My showers of mercy rain down upon all of those in need, whether they ask it or not, for in bringing My mercy unto them, thou bringest thyself unto Me.

Pishite
Alignment
Pishe only wants worshippers who are between as good as you can get and barely good.
The ideal alignment is 25-26 degrees good.
Ministers
Minister for the Refuting Umbrellas
Minister of Pool Maintenance
Altar nickname
???
Temples
Ankh-Morpork, Apothecary Gardens
Bes Pelargic, Imperial District, Red Tower
Ephebe, Petulia Avenua
The Ramtops, near Lancre Town
Sto Lat, Princess Park
Office
???
This area of the treehouse is reserved for the High Priest or High Priestess of Pishe. All around the branches of the willow tree provide protection from the elements as well as prying eyes. In one corner of the room, two large branches have come through the walls and formed a natural desk and chair and several huge, plump cushions are scattered around the room, perfect for relaxing after a hard day's worship. A statue of Pishe stands in the centre of the room, Her face upturned towards a small perpetual raincloud hovering by the ceiling.
Guild titles
the Anchorite
the Apostle
the Avouched
the Beatus
the Blessed Brother, the Blessed Sister
the Bringer of the Word
the Chalice-Bearer
the Collector
the Committed Follower
the Confessor
the Convert
the Defender
the Devotee
the Disciple
the Divine
the Enlightened
the Faithful
the Fanatic
the Guru
the Holy Brother, the Holy Sister
the Holy Son, the Holy Daughter
the Illuminated
the Impassioned
the Initiate
the Keeper
the Knowledge Bearer
the Lorekeeper
the Loyal Son, the Loyal Daughter
the Magister
the Monk, the Nun
the Mystic
the Novice
the Pacifist
the Pishe-Touched
the Preacher
the Preserver
the Prophet
the Proselytizer
the Revered Father, the Revered Mother
the Sage
the Saint
the Temple Servant
the Trusted Son, the Trusted Daughter
the Truth-Holder
the Worker
the Zelator
Special guild titles
of Pishe's Auditors (covert)
of Pishe's Templars (fighting)
of the Pishite Mystics (magic)
??? (crafts)
Notable NPCs
Althea of Pishe
This is Althea, an Archcardinal of Pishe. She is a beautiful, middle-aged woman with a kind face. She almost seems to glow with a gentle power.
Aqua
She is a willowy, white-haired woman and a devout follower of Pishe. While she enjoys teaching Pishe's priests and priestesses from time to time.
Awaiting-Rain
This slim young man seems entirely unaware of his own attractiveness, preferring to devote himself entirely to the service of the goddess Pishe. Scorning the established hierarchy, he has returned to the land of his birth, in order to spread Her word of peace, mercy, compassion, and slightly damp clothing.
Ben the ex-herbalist
Ben is middle aged with kind features. He has a sallow complexion and appears at turns dreamy and a little worried.
Brassica
Short and stocky, with ruddy skin and short-cropped brown hair, Brassica is every inch a farmer's daughter. Although she'd always intended to follow in her parents' footsteps, she underwent a sudden conversion to the priesthood of Pishe after seeing a vision of the goddess Herself in a puddle (and refusing to believe her mother's insistence that it was simply the reflection of an interestingly-shaped cabbage).
Drizzle
This is Drizzle, a priestess of Pishe. She has a radiance which shines from inside caused by her devotion to and firm belief in Pishe. A young innocence emanates from her, yet her features seem ageless. She has devoted her life to the service of her fellow Pishites and so spends her time managing this shop. A figure of deep reverence and solitude she finds that this suits her as the people who drop by bring her out of her shell a little.
Gath
Gath is a young priestess of Pishe. She has made her home here in the forest to get away from all the temptations of life. This setting, however, has just made a striking counterpoint to her stunning beauty. The soft face, the graceful neck, the long dark hair, falling in damp ringlets.
Hebe of Pishe
This is a beautiful young woman with raven dark hair and an enticing smile. Her russet brown eyes sparkle with religious fervor and her posture is tall and proud. Lithe hands and a perfectly proportioned body show that she was blessed even before she gave service to Pishe. She revels in her lot in life and asks nothing more than to spread the word of her Lady.
This mad man looks old and bitter, despite the benevolence of his Goddess. His mad blue eyes stare out from sunken sockets hidden in a nest of matted hair. He jumps at shadows and screams and cries at no one in particular. It looks like he has been through more terror and turmoil than anyone should endure.
Thetis of Pishe
Very young for his post, Thetis has risen quickly in the priesthood of Pishe. A sun-kissed young man with golden hair and a lean body, he lives to serve his goddess and will do anything it takes to spread the word of his divine mistress. A smooth face and soft hands hint at the considerable time he spends inside this damn environment, which coupled with the beating sun of the city of Ephebe give him skin any women would die for.
Tore Kare
This is Tore Kare. He began training as a hydrophobe in Krull but escaped to the sprawling city of Ankh-Morpork on the proviso that they wouldn't find him here. He found solace within these gardens with their relaxing pool, and he has since overcome his aversion to water. To spite his former masters and training, he joined the priesthood of Pishe. Unfortunately, old habits die hard, and while he can quite easily stand the sight of water, he's not so good with being wet and so he never mastered the more watery disciplines. He offers the service of dryness to all who come here, for a fee of course.
Tu Silent Llamas
Tu Silent Llamas is a quiet, mystical young man who has given up all of his worldly possessions to reach spiritual enlightenment. Although he hasn't quite achieved this yet, rumour says he possesses strange healing powers as a result of his dedication. He is one of those people with a long memory who abhors violence.
Holy aura
... radiates a reassuring cyan glow like the sun after rain.
Colours
???
Materials
???
This is a string of prayer beads; twenty-seven perfect alabaster globes threaded onto a strong piece of cerulean twine. The surface of each bead is etched with an intricate runic character, representing prayers and meditations dedicated to Pishe.
Wearable symbol
narrow ivory bracelet
This is an exquisitely carved beautiful ivory bracelet. Attached to it is a tiny crystal vial containing rainwater.
Faith rod
silver flail
This weapon is comprised of a hefty shaft of wood, one end of which is connected via chains to three large and polished silver balls. The other end of the shaft is wrapped in strips of leather to allow its wielder to better grip onto it.
Robe
azure linen robe
A long flowing priest robe made from the purest linen. The long folds of the beautifully dyed linen fall to the ankles while the wide collar is trimmed with silver and gold embroidered clouds.
Vestment
azure gabardine vestment
This looks like the sort of robe that a high-ranking Pishite priest would wear. It is made from gabardine and has been skilfully treated with a dappled azure dye to give the twills a semblance of movement.
Surplice
white linen surplice
This long, full sleeved robe of fine linen is the official priestly attire of members of the lower clergy. It is ornamented at the hem and sleeves with bands of pale blue, like the sky after a morning shower.
Stole
blue silk stole
This thick band of pale blue silk stretches around the wearer's neck, hanging down almost as far as the floor. Delicate raindrops are embroidered along the length, while a fringe of azure crystals tinkle gently with every movement, echoing the sound of raindrops falling.
Kesa
pale yellow cotton kesa
A yellow cotton kesa or robe, so pale that it is almost white. It has been stitched in the 'buffalo field' pattern and tiny droplets have been embroidered on the back, each centered with a light blue crystal that shines softly. The pale yellow cotton kesa has two side pockets.
Jewellery
???
Furniture
???
Book
silver-blue silk book
Square and solid, of a size to fit nicely in the hand, this book has been bound in a pale silvery blue silk that shimmers like sunlight on water. A thin band of silver inset with clear cabochon crystals in the shape of rain droplets borders the edge of the cover. A beautifully worked catch, shaped like a woman's delicate hand, holds the book shut when closed
Quill
rainbird quill
The feathery tuft on this long, slim quill is a soft bluish grey, like a cloud early some soft warm morning in spring. Pregnant with words as the cloud is with the gentle blessing of rain, ink flows freely and smoothly from the slanted nib.
Ritual burial
ventisepelate
???
Unique rituals
Heal
A powerful curing ritual, often healing even the almost dead to full health in one go. Very slow to perform.
Cures death. Brings recently deceased pets back to life. Performed on the pet owner.
Restore
Makes all those annoying stat penalties go away. Very useful when being poisoned, after buying lives, berserking or casting certain spells or performing rituals. Restore falls into the curing category.
Resurrect
Brings the dead back, provided they have lives to spare. As opposed to Raise Dead, being Resurrected returns some experience points back to the unfortunate player, up to 75% of what they had before they died. The performing priests are also rewarded. Resurrect doesn't cause any stat penalties. Also a curing ritual
Soothing Rain
Summons a healing rain or snowstorm, making everyone in the room recover from illnesses and poisonings. What a way to ruin a perfect, sunny day.
Shared rituals
???
Divine Hand
Pishe's moorlands
A windswept, rainy moor seems to stretch forever in all directions. The ever-present shower of rain leaves trails and impressions of raindrops in the mud, creating a feeling of desolation. However, small shrubs and bushes seem to thrive with the weather, and the dazzling greenery brightens the whole moor. Tiny purple flowers are clustered around the feet of the small statue of Pishe which is placed in the centre of the moor, Her face upturned to the constant rain. A small grey cloud hovers between Her arms, shimmering softly.
Room chats
The ever-present rain gently washes the statue of Pishe, trickling away to pool on the ground.
The leaves on the bushes and shrubs move gently in the rain.
The flower petals dance in the rain.
You catch a glimpse of red in the grass.
You see a tiny red salamander dart from one patch of grass to another.
An earthworm wriggles past, looking for dry ground.
An owl's cry echoes across the moor.
Drops of rain drip off the end of your nose.
The patter of rain is strangely soothing.
Large droplets form on the ends of leaves, falling noisily into puddles.
Water moving along the ground adds a lower note to the steady melody of the rain.
Leaving as a Pishite
As you walk into the cloud, mist closes around you and small showers dampen your skin. When the mist rises again, you are standing somewhere else.
You step into the cloud, feeling perfectly at one with Pishe for a moment before suddenly finding yourself elsewhere.
As you step into the cloud, you are pelted by raindrops. Little bolts of lightning crackle around you before the small storm lifts, leaving you standing elsewhere.
Leaving as a non-believer
As you walk into the cloud, little bolts of lightning crackles close around you and small claps of thunder ring in your ears. You step out of the small storm a moment later, finding yourself somewhere else.
Shields
... is surrounded by a layer of translucent fog. (self)
... is wrapped in a blanket of fog. (other)
Healing
You feel the warmth of Pishe flow over you, reducing your wounds. (weak)
You feel the waters of Pishe flow through you, healing your wounds. (medium)
You feel the spirit of Pishe inside you, making you whole again. (strong)
Warm
A thick, warm mist billows up around you.
The air around (...) slowly turns to a thick fog.
... is surrounded by a thick warm fog.
The mist surrounding you blows away in a gust of wind.
The mist around (...) blows away.
Cool
Tiny hailstones fall around you, chilling your skin slightly.
The air around (...) fills with a sudden shower of hail.
... is surrounded by a slight fall of hail.
The hailstones falling around you gradually let up.
The hail pelting (...) fades away.
Parch
The water slides up your body and forms a small raincloud.
The water coating (...) rises into the air and forms a small raincloud, which then whisks off.
Holy Weapon
???
Totem
misty woman
Apparently made up of a fine mist, this figure appears to be a fairly young woman with striking ice-blue eyes, the only substantial thing about her. Clad in wisps and veils of draping cloud, she drifts around the area like a fine fog over the highest Ramtops moor.
Minions
Minions refers to their masters with your dampness.
Pishite minions double liquid consonants for extra trilled Rs and long Ls.
Detect Alignment
You receive a vision of Pishe, Goddess of Slight Showers, kneeling before a balance. On one side is a vial of water, on the other, an empty earthenware bowl. As you watch, Pishe lets (number) drops of golden liquid fall into the bowl, bringing the balance level. (good)
You receive a vision of Pishe, Goddess of Slight Showers, kneeling before abalance. On one side is a vial of water, on the other, an empty earthenware bowl. The balance is already level. (neutral)
You receive a vision of Pishe, Goddess of Slight Showers, kneeling before abalance. On one side is a vial of water, on the other, an empty earthenware bowl. As you watch, Pishe lets (number) drops of purple liquid fall into the bowl, bringing the balance level. (evil)
Ritual bonuses
Pishites get a reasonable ritual bonus when performing in bad weather. Any form of rain or snow counts, including those temporarily summoned via supernatural means.
Pishe focuses on curing. By default, Pishe's priests and priestesses are the only one who can revive players without stat penalties. Donating money to Pishe is also the only way besides hatching the golden chicken egg to get more lives.

## Gufnork, God of Fluff

As the God of Fluff, Gufnork and His priests enjoy an insulated life spent in meditation upon the softer aspects of life. Usually stereotyped as intellectuals with little care for worldly matters, followers of Gufnork have developed a reputation for standoffishness. Worshippers of Him often seek to improve the lives of others, so that more people will have the leisure and inclination to contemplate the glory of Gufnork.

Gufnork's most important commandment is: Take My fluff throughout the world, and wherever the fluff be lacking, there spread My fluff thickest so that all may experience My fluff and sleep more comfortably upon it.

Gufnorkian
Alignment
Gufnork only wants worshippers who are between quite good and neutral.
The ideal alignment is 6-7 degrees good.
Ministers
Minister of Fluffy Protection
Minister of Lint Contemplation
Altar nickname
???
Temples
Ankh-Morpork, Street of Small Gods
Bes Pelargic, Imperial District, Red Tower
Djelibeybi, Deity Lane
Ohulan-Cutash, Sinners' Walk
Office
???
Guild titles
the Abbot
the Acolyte
the Altar Boy, the Altar Girl
the Apostle
the Archbishop
the Archcardinal
the Archpriest, the Archpriestess
the Avowed
the Beatus
the Beloved
the Bishop
the Canon
the Cantor
the Cardinal
the Catechumen
the Censor
the Chancellor
the Chaplain
the Choir Boy, the Choir Girl
the Choir Soloist
the Convert
the Curate
the Dean
the Definitor
the Disciple
the Divine
the Exalted
the Exarch
the Expeditor
the Friar
the Grand Penitentiary
the Keeper of the Fluff
the Lector
the Novice
the Ordained Priest, the Ordained Priestess
the Parson
the Pastor
the Penitentiary
the Precentor
the Prelate
the Primate
the Prior
the Prophet
the Saint
the Sectary
the Sectator
the True Believer
the Votary
Special guild titles
??? (covert)
of the Gufnorkian Templars (fighting)
??? (magic)
??? (crafts)
Notable NPCs
Christopher of Gufnork
Christopher looks like the typical Gufnorkian priest. He has thick fluffy hair and looks quite jolly. He looks very helpful and could probably answer any questions you ask.
And jolly he is! He will tell you everything about Gufnork. He's one of the resident priests in the Temple of Small Gods, Ankh-Morpork.
Diego Montoya
Diego Montoya is a shortish gentleman with shoulder-length dark hair and a moustache. He moves from one foot to another as is if he were dancing.
Diego is a member of the so called God Squad, protecting people of faith in Ankh-Morpork. He normally rests with the rest of his squad in the Temple of Small Gods, Ankh-Morpork. He wields a rapier. I hope you didn't kill his father.
Freda Glottik
Freda is a massive woman from the Hubland wastes with fiery red hair. The glint in her eyes and the size of her biceps suggests you shouldn't try anything.
Freda is a member of the so called God Squad, protecting people of faith in Ankh-Morpork. She normally rests with the rest of her squad in the Temple of Small Gods, Ankh-Morpork. She wields a spiked club with a small shield.
Fujiyama Osanawa
Fujiyama, or Fuji to his friends, is an auriental man of slight build. He seems very placid, although something tells you that he could be deadly in a fight.
Fuji is a member of the so called God Squad, protecting people of faith in Ankh-Morpork. He normally rests with the rest of his squad in the Temple of Small Gods, Ankh-Morpork. He wields a katana.
Maria Chibbles
Maria is a novice in the service of Gufnork. As a part of her duties as a junior priestess, she currently tends the temple shop.
Maria is a chipper shopkeeper, tending the shop in Gufnork's cathedral in Ankh-Morpork.
Naefela of Gufnork
Large grey eyes peer at you from a face that is almost concealed by a wealth of fluffy black hair. Small and thin, Naefela seems almost too fragile to contain the evangelistic zeal for Gufnork that she feels. She seems to have an almost obscene love of fluff and seeks to constantly share her love with the population of the Disc.
Despite being so fragile, Naefela likes to pick fights with Kess of Sek. Apparently they are archenemies. She also carries Gufnork's unique faith rod, the speckled grey staff. Naefela enjoys playing Gufnork's organ, too.
Omphalos of Gufnork
???
(the instructor in Djelibeybi)
Rixacardo
Rixacardo is a very muscular fellow. He looks good at throwing people around. He is employed by the Temple of Small Gods to help keep visitors in line.
Rixacardo is a member of the so called God Squad, protecting people of faith in Ankh-Morpork. He normally rests with the rest of his squad in the Temple of Small Gods, Ankh-Morpork. He wields a bastard sword.
Septa DeBlano
Septa looks a very astute military man. He looks like he knows his stuff when it comes to tactics and manoeuvres.
Septa is a member of the so called God Squad, protecting people of faith in Ankh-Morpork. She normally rests with the rest of her squad in the Temple of Small Gods, Ankh-Morpork. She dual-wields long swords.
Holy aura
... gently radiates a fuzzy white glow.
Colours
???
Materials
???
This is a string of prayer beads; twenty-seven perfect woollen balls threaded onto a frayed piece of white cord. The surface of each bead is etched with an intricate runic character, representing prayers and meditations dedicated to Gufnork.
Wearable symbol
soft fluffy ball
This is an extremely fluffy white ball, made of something so quintessentially fluffy that it radiates fluffiness into its surroundings. It is so fluffy that it won't even bounce, but it does seem to be eminently huggable. There is a hole through the centre, suggesting that it could be worn over your wrist.
Faith rod
speckled grey staff
This rather unusual staff has been painted a very pale grey, with flecks of slightly darker grey paint speckled along its length. At its top, three heavy brass rings have been set through the centre of the shaft, so that they clank against it and each other as the staff moves. A strange emblem, with metalwork vaguely resembling cloud formations, crowns the deal, giving it a suitably mystical air.
Robe
snowy linen robe
A long flowing priest robe made from the purest linen. The long folds of the beautifully dyed linen fall to the ankles while the wide collar is trimmed with silver and blue embroidered balls of fluff.
Vestment
turquoise wool vestment
This looks like the sort of robe that a high-ranking Gufnorkian priest would wear. It is made from wool that has been dyed turquoise and then teased out to make it very voluminous and fluffy.
Surplice
white linen surplice
This long, full sleeved robe of fine linen is the official priestly attire of members of the lower clergy. It is ornamented at the hem and sleeves with thick bands of white fluff.
Stole
white silk stole
This thick band of pure white silk stretches around the wearer's neck, hanging down almost as far as the floor. White, fluffy wool is banded around each end, and multicoloured balls of fluff are embroidered along the length of it. Pale crystals dangle from each end, their delicate chiming somehow seeming to echo the soft fall of fluff.
Kesa
light grey cotton kesa
A light grey cotton kesa or robe, stitched in the "buffalo field" pattern. A deep, dark abyss has been painted onto the back of the robe, the symbolism of which is unclear, except it seems to be partially filled with multicoloured fluff. The light grey cotton kesa has two side pockets.
Jewellery
???
Furniture
???
Book
speckled fluffy book
Square and solid, of a size to fit nicely in the hand, this book has been bound in something that looks... for all the world like felted pocket lint. The speckled, multicoloured cover is bordered with a thicker row of fluff around the edges, lending it an extra-cushiony look. An attached cord of braided yarn with small fluffy tassels at the end can be tied to hold the book closed when not in use.
Quill
swansdown quill
This quill is small and delicate, its upper half shrouded in a soft fuzz of down. Looking at the tiny threads, stirring with every breath from the writer's lips, one could almost believe that nothing hurtful or bad could ever pass to paper from the tiny, artfully curved nib.
Ritual burial
decompose
???
Unique rituals
Holy Aegis
A slow defensive ritual that protects the target with fortified goat skin. The shield can complement Major Shield and Security Blanket. Anyone who wonders why a goat should look up the etymology of the word aegis.
Security Blanket
A slow and costly defensive ritual that protects the priest and all their group mates with a reasonably powerful aura. The shield complement Holy Aegis and Major Shield. It doesn't protect pets or minions. It can be a cost effective and time saving way to shield up to six people.
Summon Fluff
A misc ritual that... summons fluff. Fluff comes in various colours and sizes. It can be soaked in liquids, cut into pieces and eaten. It can be used to dry oneself or other. It can be also thrown at others. Oh and it comes preconsecrated! Furthermore having more fluff makes summoning yet more fluff easier.
Shared rituals
offensive
defensive
Chant, Holy Aegis, Holy Sanctuary, Major Shield, Minor Shield, Security Blanket, Totem
curing
Cure Drunkenness, Cure Knurdness, Cure Light Wounds, Cure Medium Wounds, Cure Serious Wounds, Raise Dead, Relief
misc
Artefact Inquisition, Bless, Clarify, Cool, Detect Magic, Devout Inquisition, Divine Guard, Divine Hand, Far Sight, Holy Insight, Light, Modify Memento, Remember Place, Warm, Weft Warping
Divine Hand
Gufnork's chamber
Delicate (colour) fluffy material is spread liberally around this room, so much so that it feels like being inside a giant mound of fluff. In fact, there are many wispy trails of fluff draped around the place, centred on a small statue of Gufnork. A large ball of fluff hovers above the statue, occasionally dropping a few stray lumps of fluff.
What's awesome for fluff lovers can be a nightmare for the others. The colour of the fluff in the room is random. The fluff wants you to roll in it and the sad statue needs a hug. Regardless of the chosen action, the leaving messages are the same.
Room chats
A tendril of fluff drops from the ceiling and wraps itself around your body.
Stray lumps of fluff drop from the ball, nearly burying the statue of Gufnork.
The statue of Gufnork smiles serenely amid His blanket of fluff.
Gossamer strands of fluff tangle briefly in your hair.
Gufnork contemplates his navel for a moment.
It's quiet here.
The silence is as thick as the fluff.
The fluff billows around your feet in drifts.
The statue of Gufnork looks quite huggable.
Leaving as a Gufnorkian
Fluff travels quickly around your body, completely covering you. Everything grows dark, comfortable and fluffy, like hiding under a thick flannel blanket. You feel peaceful and at one with Gufnork for a moment before you emerge, standing elsewhere.
As fluff surrounds you, everything goes fuzzy, and not in a metaphorical way. Everything is muted and comfortable, as if you were within a fort made of flannel blankets. You have a moment to meditate on the fluffy majesty of Gufnork before you find yourself elsewhere.
Fluff travels quickly around your body, completely covering you. Totally encased in fluff, you feel perfectly at one with Gufnork for a moment before you suddenly find yourself elsewhere.
Leaving as a non-believer
Fluff surrounds you at an alarming speed, completely covering you. The fluff starts to get into your nose and mouth, making it harder and harder to breathe. You close your eyes and when you open them again, you are standing elsewhere.
Fluff surrounds you at an alarming speed, completely covering you. Everything goes dark, the material heavy, thick and stifling around you. A moment later, you appear elsewhere.
As you touch the fluff, it swirls around you, tickling and covering your whole body. Encased in heavy fluff, everything is dark and sweltering. Sweat begins to bead on your skin, then you suddenly find yourself elsewhere.
Shields
... is covered in a thick layer of fluff. (self)
... is covered in a layer of fluff. (other)
Healing
You feel Gufnork soothe your injuries with fluff. (weak)
You feel Gufnork's holy fluff patch up your injuries. (medium)
You feel the holy fluff of Gufnork flow all over your body, binding your injuries. (strong)
Warm
You feel like you've just been wrapped in warm flannel.
The air around (...) swirls in languorous curves.
The air around her swirls in gentle curves.
The sensation of a flannel blanket surrounding you fades.
Gradually, the air around (...) stops swirling.
Cool
Chilly clouds of mist surround you for a moment.
The air around (...) billows with fluffy clouds.
She is surrounded by a cloud of chilly mist.
The clouds around you dissipate gradually, floating away.
The clouds surrounding (...) melt away like spun sugar.
Parch
???
Holy Weapon
???
Totem
dust bunny
Made almost completely out of multicoloured fluff, this blob is only really bunny shaped if you have a good imagination. It looks fairly tall for a dust bunny, probably because of its divine origins, constructed from the carpet-fluff of Dunmanifestin.
Dust bunnies are summoned with anything fluffy.
Minions
Minions refer to their masters with your fluffiness.
Gufnorkian minions speak like little children or perhaps someone with fluff in their mouth, replacing Ss with Ths and Rs with Ws. How outwageouth!
Detect Alignment
???
???
???
Ritual bonuses
Fluffy inventory
Nothing makes Gufnork happier than people carrying fluff. This could be regular fluff, the fluffy symbol, fluffy clothes, fluffy jewellery and possibly other fluff. Navel lint doesn't count.
Fluffy room
Not quite a substitute for fluffy inventory, a fluffy room can also help. This means that most Gufnorkian temples and other such rooms provide these benefits.
Gufnork is primarily a defensive deity and all His shields stack together, providing a three-layer defense mechanism. Despite being peaceful and defensive in nature, the stat synergies push most Gufnorkians towards dexterity-based combat skills.

## Gapp, God of Fine Clothing

Often considered an elitist, Gapp and His priests make a point of being the best-dressed at any public function. The sense of style of His worshippers is as unquestionable as it is changeable, with new fashions tearing through His temples on a weekly basis. Gapp is a god who believes He is the best, and He knows how to dress properly for the position.

The most important of Gapp's commandments include: Thou shalt not go forth unclothed like the lesser beasts, unless My High Priest doth send you forth thus on My behalf, for infractions against My church such as over-dressing when in the presence of one holier than thou.

Gappic
Alignment
Gapp only wants worshippers who are between quite good and neutral.
The ideal alignment is 3 degrees good.
Ministers
Minister of Holy Vestments
Minister of Sophisticated Garments
Altar nickname
???
Temples
Ankh-Morpork, Street of Small Gods
Bes Pelargic, Imperial District, Red Tower
Djelibeybi, Deity Lane
Ephebe, Flatulus Walk
The Ramtops, Temple of Cool
Office
Located behind stylishly decorated oaken door on the first floor of the Genuan Gappic temple lies the office of the high entity. It features a desk, a mannequin and a wardrobe that serves as personal storage for the top Gappic. As with most things in Gappic temples, the exact design of these things changes every week.
The beautifully decorated office of the High (Priest or Priestess) of Gapp, (...), is dominated by the large wardrobe which is lurking against one wall. In the centre of the room is a large desk, carved from a single block of wood and polished to a warm glow while in the corner is a tall mannequin.
Guild titles
the Almoner
the Apostle
the Archdeacon
the Beatus
the Believer
the Bestower
the Church Warden
the Compulsor
the Convert
the Convertor
the Counsellor
the Custos
the Deacon
the Disciple
the Divine
the Dogmatist
the Elder
the Follower
the Gatherer
the Grace
the Guarantor
the Hierophant
the High Almoner
the Holy Shepherd
the Judge
the Lay Brother
the Lay Elder
the Minister
the Missionary
the Numerary
the Patriarch
the Preacher
the Primate
the Prophet
the Proselytizer
the Record-Keeper
the Rector
the Reverend
the Revivalist
the Sacristan
the Saint
the Sexton
the Sidesman
the Teacher
the Verger
the Vicar
the Witness
Special guild titles
of the Gappic Inquisition (covert)
of the Gappic Templars (fighting)
of the Gappic Magi (magic)
??? (crafts)
Notable NPCs
Alyssa of Gapp
Alyssa is a seamstress, a proper seamstress, with a needle and thread. She also happens to be a priestess of Gapp, which could either be due to or the cause of her incredible skills with fabrics. Her bright, sparkling eyes and nimble fingers work together to produce stitching so fine it could almost not be there.
Anna-Lee
Anna-Lee was abandoned as a helpless child by her parents in Ankh-Morpork. Luckily for her, a priest of Gapp found her crying in the streets and took her to the temple where the priests and priestesses took care of her and brought her up as a trainee priestess. Some of the city still lingers about her (possibly the smell) even though she has spent many years away from it, travelling and learning about style, fashion, and more recently, Coolness.
Charisse of Gapp
A rather elderly woman, but age never stopped anyone from being stylish. Her blue eyes are faded, but still hold the spark that Gapp gives all his followers. She putters around the temple in Genua, doing her best to serve Gapp in her own way, mostly by judging other peoples clothing. Oh well, guess every little bit helps.
Danniell of Gapp
A tall, thin man with bushy black hair and deep blue eyes, he seems to glide rather than move and has been compared (not in his hearing of course) to a rather fashionable but friendly snake. Despite his serpent-like reputation, he looks very friendly, and always has a cheery smile for a fellow Gappic. Only if said Gappic is suitably attired of course.
Guido of Gapp
Guido is a Gappic monk. He dresses only in the finest clothes and has a stylish little goatee beard. He looks very helpful and could probably answer any questions about his god you might have.
Harry
This is an old, wise-looking priest who works as an administrator in the Temple of Small Gods. He can normally be seen holding a file or performing small rituals to help others, such as raising people from the dead. He looks the kind of person who, if you decided to attack, would not be inclined to help you for some time afterwards.
Mariasha of Gapp
???
Min Bertram
Min is one of the more senior priests of Gapp's clergy, though that refers to her tenure more than any particular achievements that she has made in Gapp's name. Recently retired from running the most fashionable haberdashery on Cockbill Street, she has taken up the duties of running the temple shop.
Moda of Gapp
???
Monsieur Leverett
A tall, imposing looking man, with short black hair and a very neat black moustache. He supervises the creation of the finest custom priest outfits to be found on the Disc, and caters to all tastes and regions.
Holy aura
... stylishly radiates a pristine (colour) light.
The colour of the aura changes with the ever-shifting fashion trends.
Colours
???
Materials
???
This is a string of prayer beads; twenty-seven perfect amber spheres threaded onto a strong piece of golden cord. The surface of each bead is etched with an intricate runic character, representing prayers and meditations dedicated to Gapp.
Wearable symbol
golden thimble
This is an ornate thimble, like any tailor or seamstress might use if they were successful enough to afford one. Unlike an ordinary thimble, however, this one is jointed and would cover an entire finger, protecting it from even the most fearsome of needles. The surface is slightly pitted, each pit engraved with a tiny paisley pattern.
Faith rod
???
Robe
caramel linen robe
A long flowing priest robe made from the purest linen. The long folds of the beautifully dyed linen fall to the ankles while the wide collar is trimmed with purple and silver embroidered needles.
Vestment
yellow silk vestment
This looks like the sort of robe that a high-ranking Gappic priest would wear. It is made from silk that has been dyed a dazzling yellow and has strips of gold brocade around the cuffs, the hem and the collar.
Surplice
white linen surplice
This long, full sleeved robe of fine linen is the official priestly attire of members of the lower clergy. It is ornamented at the hem and sleeves with bands of thick gold embroidery.
Stole
gold silk stole
This thick band of gold silk stretches around the wearer's neck, hanging down almost as far as the floor. A thick layer of pure white mink bands both ends, and embroidered in the middle is a stylised representation of a needle and thread. Dangling from each end are tiny golden crystals, their rhythmic music seeming to echo the sound of sewing.
Kesa
shimmering purple cotton kesa
A purple cotton kesa or robe that seems to shimmer slightly, stitched in the "buffalo field" pattern. The back of the robe is edged in gold trim with a needle embroidered in the centre. The shimmering purple cotton kesa has two side pockets.
Jewellery
???
Furniture
???
Book
linen-bound book
Square and solid, of a size to fit nicely in the hand, this book has been bound entirely in stiffened Llamedese linen, gleaming with the unsullied purity of fresh creamy-white cloth. A decorative border of silver-grey knotwork has been embroidered along the edges of the covers, and more adorns the spine, leaving only a narrow panel for a title.
Quill
golden quill pen
The shaft and plume glimmer enticingly, reflecting glints of butter-soft light into the eyes of anyone observing the writer's movements too closely. The shaft curves in a gentle, sinuous sway, and the short, broad nib forms bold confident letters. Words spoken with this pen's golden tongue are surely golden ones themselves.
Ritual burial
shroud
???
Unique rituals
???
Shared rituals
???
Divine Hand
Gapp's chamber
The far end of this room is dominated by a colossal golden statue of Gapp, God of Fine Clothing. It is adorned in glorious raiment of cloth of gold that sweeps majestically from neck to ankle. Leading directly to the foot of the statue is a path, along both sides of which are arrayed row upon row of mannequins furbished in all the most up-to-date fashions. Just to the left of the statue are a number of bolts of (colour) and (colour) (material). The gaze of the statue falls heavily on the end of the path, apparently waiting for somebody to pose for Gapp's approval or censure.
Show off your fashion sense before Gapp himself! You can pose before Him or walk down the path. The room description as well the leaving messages follow the current trends. Word is one can find a strange fascinator in the room, too!
Room chats
The golden raiment adorning the statue of Gapp, God of Fine Clothing flutters in an unfelt breeze.
The colossal statue of Gapp, God of Fine Clothing almost seems to beckon you towards it.
The path towards the colossal statue of Gapp, God of Fine Clothing glows with a gentle white light.
A slight breeze blows from behind you, urging you further along the path.
A brisk breeze stirs the habiliments of row after row of mannequins.
Leaving the room as a Gappic
You stalk down the runway and pose before the statue of Gapp, God of Fine Clothing, tilting your head to try to show off your best side as you do so. You feel His heavy gaze upon you as, all of a sudden, lengths of (colour) (material) appear from nowhere. As they wrap themselves around you, you find yourself elsewhere.
You strut down the runway like an arrogant rooster and strike a condescending pose before the statue of Gapp, God of Fine Clothing. As you wait to see how He reacts, lengths of (colour) (material) materialise all around you and you find yourself elsewhere.
Leaving the room as a non-believer
As you start to move down the runway you hear a disapproving hissing sound at the edge of hearing. You practically sprint the rest of the way and, after only a few moments at the feet of the statue of Gapp, God of Fine Clothing, are enveloped by lengths of whirling (colour) (material) and you find yourself elsewhere.
Shields
... is surrounded by translucent (colour) (material). (self)
... appears to be wearing a translucent (...) (material) robe. (other)
The colour and the material depend on the current fashion trends.
Healing
You feel Gapp stitch up your injuries. (weak)
You feel Gapp seamlessly stitch up your wounds. (medium)
You feel Gapp bind your wounds with ethereal (and exceptionally stylish) bandages. (strong)
Warm
You feel the smooth touch of silk on yur skin.
The air around (...) shimmers like fine silk.
A shimmer of ghostly silk surrounds ...
The silky sensation around you gradually fades away, leaving a long final lingering touch.
The air around (...) stops shimmering.
Cool
You hear a ripping sound and, an instant later, gusts of wind begin to hit you.
The air around (...) seems to tear and shiver.
The air around her moves with a fluttering wind.
The gusts of wind blowing across you cease with a gentle caress.
The air around (...) ceases to tremble.
Parch
The water slides off your body and evaporates.
The water coating (...) slithers down her and evaporates.
Holy Weapon
???
Totem
tall (colour)-robed man
This looks like a tall man dressed in an incredibly high quality, (colour) robe that appears to make him glow from within and fits him like a second skin. It conceals his features so well that there might not be an actual person wearing the robe at all.
The colour of the robe is determined by the current fashion trends.
Minions
Minions refer to their masters with your stylishness.
Gappic minions don't suffer from any speech impediments, okay? Maybe it's just their attitude? I don't know. Whatever.
Detect Alignment
You get a vision of Gapp, God of Fine Clothing, sitting before a balance. On one side is (random thing), the other is empty. As you watch, Gapp places (number) white buttons on the empty side, causing the balance to become level.
You get a vision of Gapp sitting before a balance. On one side is (random thing) and the other is empty. The balance is perfectly level.
You get a vision of Gapp, God of Fine Clothing, sitting before a balance. On one side is (random thing), the other is empty. As you watch, Gapp places (number) black buttons on the empty side, causing the balance to become level.
Ritual bonuses
Stylish clothes
Stylish surroundings
???

## Sandelfon, God of Corridors

As the God of Corridors, Sandelfon and His followers are most at home in the large buildings where the powerful gather to orchestrate the lives of others. Dedicated to the careful balancing of things (often in their own favour), they frequently engage in complicated political manoeuvres to achieve their view of acceptable balance. Sandelfon is often worshipped by politicians, lawyers, bureaucrats, and administrators, whether their intentions be selfless or not.

Sandelfon's primary commandment is: If, in the greater or lesser scheme of things, thou or someone else doth see, or hear of, or think of a way in which a government, restaurant, organisation, or other undefined entity might be better managed and organized, thou, and whoever else is a worshipper unto Me, shall do their best to seek to improve the aforesaid government, restaurant, organisation, or other undefined entity, or petition to seek to improve the aforementioned if direct improvement is not possible or practical, and then thou shalt be among the most beloved of My children, unless sufficient other parties have completed such a task in a superior manner.

Sandelfonian, Sandelfonic
Alignment
Sandelfon only wants worshippers who are between barely good and barely evil.
The ideal alignment is perfectly neutral.
Ministers
Minister for Surveillance of Corridor Shorteners
Teacher of the Faith
Altar nickname
holy corridor
Temples
Ankh-Morpork, Street of Small Gods
Bes Pelargic, Imperial District, Red Tower
Office
(Ankh-Morpork temple, behind instructor, guarded by a secretary, "The secretary remarks on your lack of appointment.")
This is the office of the High Priest of Sandelfon. A large cluttered desk is placed so that whoever chooses to sit in the small wooden chair behind it can look at the picture on the south wall. Next to the picture a door leads to the anteroom. The back of the room is dominated by a large blue filing cabinet. There are some chairs in front of the desk, which are obviously intended for visitors.
Guild titles
the Abbot
the Acolyte
the Altar Boy, the Altar Girl
the Apostle
the Archbishop
the Archcardinal
the Archpriest, the Archpriestess
the Avowed
the Beatus
the Beloved
the Bishop
the Bureaucrat
the Canon
the Cantor
the Cardinal
the Catechumen
the Censor
the Chancellor
the Chaplain
the Choir Boy, the Choir Girl
the Choir Soloist
the Convert
the Curate
the Dean
the Definitor
the Disciple
the Divine
the Exalted
the Expeditor
the Friar
the Keeper of the Faith
the Lector
the Novice
the Ordained Priest, the Ordained Priestess
the Parson
the Pastor
the Precentor
the Prelate
the Primate
the Prior
the Prophet
the Record-Keeper
the Saint
the Scrivener
the Sectary
the Sectator
the True Believer
the Votary
Special guild titles
of the Sandelfonic Inquisition (covert)
of the Sandelfonic Templars (fighting)
of the Sacred Architects of Sandelfon (magic)
Stonecutter, Surveyor, Journeyman Mason, Mason, Foreman, Architect (crafts)
Notable NPCs
Halen of Sandelfon
A giant of a man, with well developed muscles, yet kindly eyes. He wanders the streets of Ankh-Morpork, happily muttering homilies about his God and trying to convert the unbelievers. With those muscles, he is rather more effective than not.
Hannah of Sandelfon
Hannah is a priestess of Sandelfon who helps out lost souls at the temple. She looks very helpful and could probably answer any questions you ask.
Hermal of Sandelfon
Hermal is supposed to be guarding the entrance of the temple against the foretold second coming of the Dreaded Corridor Shorteners of Mirrick, but he spends most of his time facing into the temple, staring in unrestrained awe down the corridor. Sometimes you wonder about these people.
Mihk-gran-bohp
Mihk-gran-bohp is an irascible old man. He looks a bit like a priest, although you don't think the Djelian priesthood would honour any ties to him. His brow is furrowed with the effort of meditation but now and then his face will soften and he momentarily transforms into a kindly old man. It is difficult to know what to expect with someone like this.
Thoth of Sandelfon
Thoth is a tall, thin man whose bony face seems to alight with zeal every time his favourite subject is mentioned. He lurks around the temple of Sandelfon, wallowing in the never-ending corridor and occasionally teaching the other worshippers about what it truly means to love corridors.
Holy aura
... indifferently radiates a harsh grey light.
Colours
???
Materials
???
This is a string of prayer beads; twenty-seven perfect polished granite marbles threaded onto a string cut from a plumb line. The surface of each bead is etched with an intricate runic character, representing prayers and meditations dedicated to Sandelfon.
Wearable symbol
small square stone
This is a small flat square stone, like a miniature paving stone made from something that makes ordinary cement seem like powdery chalk. Incised on the unfinished side is an elaborate maker's mark that looks beyond the skill of a mortal mason. The stone is pierced by a leather thong, and could be worn as a bracelet by the devout.
Faith rod
marble sceptre
This remarkably weighty sceptre is not your usual gaudy jewel-encrusted monstrosity. Its shaft is simply a staff of solid oak, and its orb is a skull-crushingly heavy sphere of marble, all swirling greys and smoothed to perfection. About a foot's length of shaft beneath the orb has been meticulously wrapped with red tape, adding a splash of colour to an otherwise sombre affair.
Robe
grey-green linen robe
A long flowing priest robe made from the purest linen. The long folds of the beautifully dyed linen fall to the ankles while the wide collar is trimmed with dark green and silver embroidered mazes.
Vestment
deep grey velvet vestment
This looks like the sort of robe that a high-ranking Sandelfonian priest would wear. It is made from very fine velvet that has been dyed a deep grey colour, its stitching forming a maze-like pattern down the arms.
Surplice
white linen surplice
This long, full sleeved robe of fine linen is the official priestly attire of members of the lower clergy. It is ornamented at the hem and sleeves with bands of deep green embroidered with a crosshatch pattern.
Stole
dark green silk stole
This thick band of dark green silk stretches around the wearer's neck, hanging down almost as far as the floor. Rough tiles are etched on the ends, while a small stylised corridor is embroidered in the middle. A fringe of small green crystals tinkle gently, their sound reminiscent of soft footfalls echoing along a corridor.
Kesa
sombre brown cotton kesa
A sombre brown cotton kesa or robe, stitched in the 'buffalo field' pattern. A maze like pattern is picked out in green thread on the back, though it seems to have no discernable beginning or end. The sombre brown cotton kesa has two side pockets.
Jewellery
???
Furniture
???
Book
sturdy pocketbook
Simple and practical, this solid little pocketbook has a thick, waterproof leather binding and a press-stud to hold it closed. The front is embossed with an elegant maze design.
Quill
clerk's quill
Formed to precisely the most comfortable curve for a writer's hand, with a short tuft of plain pale-grey feathering at the top, this is most certainly the implement of choice for someone who spends a great deal of their time writing. The neat, almost fussy curve of the nib reflects the amount of care such a writer puts into their work, and the precisely chosen character of their words.
Ritual burial
ventisepelate
You call down the holy wind of Sandelfon, God of Corridors, and droplets of light silver water appear around the (corpses) in a sudden squall, which carries it away without a trace.
You utter a swift prayer to Sandelfon, God of Corridors, causing a tan brick tomb to form around the (corpses), encasing it before sinking into the floor without a trace.
The ritual burial differs depending on whether it's performed indoors or outdoors. Slight variations are also present in the effect.
Unique rituals
???
Shared rituals
???
Divine Hand
Sandelfon's chamber
Corridors of all shapes and sizes stream out from this room at every angle, making this a very oddly shaped area indeed. Bright torches illuminate the glory of the corridors, which are composed of a variety of materials from rough sandstone to polished marble. Despite there being carpets and tapestries on the floor and walls, the majesty of stone fills this room. In the very centre of the room is a small wooden statue of Sandelfon, pointing the way.
The room has six obvious exits: north, south, west, east, up and down. You can wander around, always ending up in the same room. What more can a Sandelfonian wish for?
Room chats
The torches flicker slightly.
The statue of Sandelfon surveys the array of corridors contentedly.
Dust motes swirl around some of the older looking corridors.
Threads in the tapestries gleam in the torchlight.
Ghostly footsteps seem to echo along the corridors.
A point in every direction is the same as no point at all.
This way, that way or that way?
With a grumbling and a grinding noise, a corridor undergoes a slight adjustment.
This must be what it feels like to be digested by a troll.
The corridors stand proudly, a testament to the builder's art.
It must have taken a thousand architects a thousand years to design all of this.
You could wander forever in these halls and never see an egret or an egress.
This is the place where all corridors lead.
Apparently it's actually possible to tie a group of corridors into a knot, as you're standing in the middle of it.
You're certain that the corridors just re-oriented themselves around you.
Leaving as a Sandelfonian
You enter the corridor, feeling perfectly at one with Sandelfon for a moment before you suddenly find yourself elsewhere.
As you step into one of the corridors, you find that it makes a maze of twisty hallways. Faith in Sandelfon leads you forward, and you quickly find yourself somewhere else.
You step toward a corridor leading through the floor. The room suddenly reorients itself so that you are walking forward. As you step across the threshold of the arch, you find yourself elsewhere.
You step into one of the corridors, which winds and turns like a maze. The blonde brick walls and painted designs catch your eye, causing you to pause for a few moments as the corridor shimmers and fades around you, leaving you somewhere else.
You walk up a staircase and feel momentary disorientation as a wall becomes the floor and the ceiling becomes a wall. It fades as you step into one of the corridors and find yourself elsewhere.
Leaving as a non-believer
You step into one of the corridors, which winds and turns like a maze. You follow it, growing more lost and more confused as you walk. Dust billows up from the floor. When it clears, you are standing elsewhere.
You walk up a staircase and feel nauseating, dizzying disorientation as a wall becomes the floor and the ceiling becomes a wall. As you pause, the room twirling and spinning around you, it fades, leaving you standing somewhere else.
You step into one of the corridors, which seems to stretch out forever. You follow it, growing more lost and more confused as you walk. Dust billows up from the floor. When it clears, you are standing elsewhere.
You step toward a corridor leading through the floor. The room suddenly reorients itself and you fall through the arch, plummeting down a long corridor toward a wall. Just before you hit, you suddenly find yourself elsewhere.
Shields
... is surrounded by an ethereal wall. (self)
... is surrounded by a wall of dust. (other)
Healing
You feel Sandelfon strengthening you, reducing your wounds. (weak)
You feel the power of Sandelfon within you, binding your wounds. (medium)
You feel Sandelfon's hand on your life's balance as he heals your wounds. (strong)
Warm
A shower of dust surrounds you, heating your skin where it touches.
The air around (...) sparkles with tiny motes of dust.
... has glittering dust surrounding him.
The dust swirling around you drifts away, sparkling as it
The motes of dust around (...) shimmer and vanish.
Cool
You hear a groaning sound before a rush of cold, stale air hits you from far away.
The air around Bloodthirsty Charon shudders and flashes grey.
... has a haze of stale greyish air around him.
The stale air around you is replaced by fresher air.
The air around (...) seems fresher somehow.
Parch
The water slides down your body as if you were a freshly waxed corridor floor.
The water coating (...) slithers down him like a freshly waxed corridor floor.
Holy Weapon
???
Totem
rocky creature
This creature looks like a small troll made of paving slabs; if it were to lie across a ditch it could make a quite passable bridge. Despite its troll-like appearance, the eyes are more like those of a golem, burning with holy fire.
Minions
Minions refer to their masters with your hyperextendedness.
Sandelfonian minions speak with a lisp and probably suffer from rhotacism, replacing Ss with Shs and doubling Rs.
Detect Alignment
Your eyes closed, you see Sandelfon, God of Corridors, sitting cross-legged by a complicated scale. On one side, there is a feather, on the other a small clay statuette. As you watch, the scale slowly tilts twenty-five degrees toward the feather. (good)
Your eyes closed, you see Sandelfon, God of Corridors, sitting cross-legged by a complicated scale. On one side, there is a feather, on the other a small clay statuette. The scale remains perfectly level. (neutral)
Your eyes closed, you see Sandelfon, God of Corridors, sitting cross-legged by a complicated scale. On one side, there is a feather, on the other a small clay statuette. As you watch, the scale slowly tilts five degrees toward the statuette. (evil)
Ritual bonuses
Being indoors
Sandelfonians get a minor bonus for being indoors. This may not seem like much but it's their natural habitat. Also the bonus stacks with the bonus for being at the high altar as all Sandelfonian high altars are indoors. Combined with recent prayers, Sandelfonians can get decent ritual boosts very easily.
???

## Fish, God of Sea Creatures

Fish, God of Sea Creatures, is primarily concerned with the propagation of sea life. Avid hunters, His priests are often a salty lot, and rough around the edges to say the least. Worshippers of Fish generally share a love of seafood as well as a practical interest in conservation so that hunting will always be a possibility.

Fish's primary commandment is: Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's haddock, unless he covets thy haddock, in which case thou shalt take his haddock and smite him mightily with it, and then thou shalt eat both the haddocks to dispose of all evidence.

Fishite
Alignment
Fish only wants worshippers who are between neutral and evil.
The ideal alignment is 0-1 degrees evil.
Ministers
Grand Orca of the Drowned Men
Shepherd of the Seas
Altar nickname
???
Temples
Bes Pelargic, Tuna Bay
Ankh-Morpork, Cockbill Street
Bes Pelargic, Imperial Distric, Red Tower
Djelibeybi, Temple Street
Ephebe, Long Avenue
Office
A large, important looking desk dominates the room, with a high backed armchair behind it. Smaller, less comfortable looking chairs sit before it in a position of submission. This can only be the official office of the High (Priest or Priestess), (name). The wooden panels that line the walls, reflecting the tiny glow that the attached brass lanterns give off, are almost covered up with bookcases that house a wide number of books and ornaments. A low cabinet stands in one corner, while directly behind the desk, a sacred fishing rod has been gilded and mounted. The southeast wall has a novelty woven fishing net nailed on it from floor to ceiling.
Guild titles
???
Special guild titles
of the Anglers of Fish (covert)
of the Drowned Men, of the Drowned Women (fighting)
of Fish's Mysteries (magic)
Gutter, ???, ???, ???, ???, ??? (crafts)
Notable NPCs
Fillet of Fish
Fillet looks like the wettest person you have ever seen. She looks drenched no matter what the fashion situation. This is probably why she became a priestess of Fish. She looks as if she could answer questions about her God.
Mesi of Fish
???
Okeanos of Fish
???
Psari of Fish
???
Ruto of Fish
A small girl, with a blueish tinge to her flesh and dark hair. Her hair is cut close to her scalp, and her blue eyes are enormous in her round face. A devout priestess of the Great Fish, she seems to more float than walk as she wanders around his sunken temple.
Vy of Fish
Arriving in Ankh-Morpork as a small child, Vy quickly rose through the ranks of the Fish priesthood, before becoming infamous to both members of the clergy and heathens alike. A pretty girl, in a damp sort of way, totally unremarkable except for her pale skin, large eyes and apparent gnome infestation.
a painted medicine man
This native is obviously of a much more eminent stature than the rest of his fellow villagers. His face, chest and arms are smeared with red, white and green paint in mystical patterns of some tribal significance, and a large carved bone is inserted through his nose. He stares arrogantly about him with the smug confidence of a man who has everyone else cowed by his fearsome magical powers.
Holy aura
... slowly pulsates, washing from a deep blue to a light aquamarine.
Colours
???
Materials
???
This is a string of prayer beads; twenty-seven perfect spheres of sea-ice threaded onto a short section of fishing line. The surface of each bead is etched with an intricate runic character, representing prayers and meditations dedicated to Fish.
Wearable symbol
line of shark teeth
This is a long strand of brass line, on which are strung a collection of shark teeth. Each tooth has been engraved with a tiny scrimshaw prayer.
Faith rod
blue lacquered staff
The length of this staff has been finished with a rich blue lacquer, whose tones vary from a glimmering turquoise down to a rich, deep azure. At the top of the staff, an oversized copper fishing hook has been fixed. While the staff is obviously impractical for actually catching any fish with, the hook nevertheless has a viciously sharp point.
Robe
deep cerulean linen robe
A long flowing priest robe made from the purest linen. The long folds of the beautifully dyed linen fall to the ankles while the wide collar is trimmed with gold and red embroidered fish.
shimmering fish scale bodysuit
This full length bodysuit appears to be covered in very tiny interlocking fish scales that glimmer in the entire spectrum of colours. The inside of the suit is made from a thick but stretchy material that seems very naturally aquatic and fits very snug to the wearer while keeping them warm.
short scaly robe
This robe is actually quite short, coming to somewhat higher than your average kilt, and should definitely be worn with trousers. It has been covered by small thin metal scales of steel, which should provide excellent protection as well as being evocative of a fish's scales.
Vestment
This looks like the sort of robe that a high-ranking Fishite priest would wear. It is made from brocade that has been dyed a deep blue like the sky at sea at night.
Surplice
white linen surplice
This long, full sleeved robe of fine linen is the official priestly attire of members of the lower clergy. It is ornamented at the hem and sleeves with bands of deep blue, reminiscent of the ocean at night.
Stole
deep blue silk stole
This thick band of deep blue silk stretches around the wearer's neck, hanging down almost as far as the floor. Embroidered on the middle of the stole is a large fish, obviously recently caught since the hook is still in its mouth. From each end, cobalt crystals dangle, their chiming seeming to echo the sound of waves breaking.
Kesa
deep blue cotton kesa
A deep blue cotton kesa or robe, stitched in the "buffalo field" pattern. The back of the robe is beautifully embroidered with delicate, colourful fish.
Jewellery
line of shark teeth
This is a long strand of brass line, on which are strung a collection of shark teeth. Each tooth has been engraved with a tiny scrimshaw prayer.
necklace of fish teeth
Drawn from the very depths of the ocean are cruel fish with sharp pointy teeth. At great risk to life and limb, the teeth have been plucked from these fearsome beasts and strung into a simple silver necklace.
silver fish necklace
This lovely necklace has links that are in the shape of little fish, all joined to one another nose to tail. You can even make out the little scales on them.
silver fishhook earring
A large silver fishhook, that curves around to a vicious hook. Only the truly faithful would want to stick this in their ear, lest they be reeled in.
Furniture
???
Book
scale-embossed book
Square and solid, of a size to fit nicely in the hand, this book has been bound entirely in shimmering leather, embossed with a pattern of fish scales. The front cover has been embossed with a creel and fishing pole. A silver clasp in the shape of a fishing hook adorns the side.
Quill
stormy petrel quill
Relatively short and slim, but sturdy and smooth, this is a deep brown flight feather highlighted with running, shifting strands of subtle blue-green iridescence like the lights of the ocean depths. A nomad of the skies over water, the stormy petrel soars and skims for years at a time, never feeling the pull of the shore.
Ritual burial
pyroscipate
???
Unique rituals
???
Shared rituals
???
Divine Hand
???
Shields
???
???
Healing
???
???
???
Warm
???
???
???
Cool
???
???
???
Parch
???
Holy Weapon
???
Totem
???
Minions
Minions refer to their masters with your slimyness.
Fishite minions replace Gs with Ks and Ths with Zs in their speech.
Detect Alignment
???
???
???
Ritual bonuses
Being in water
Being underwater
???

## Hat, Vulture-Headed God of Unexpected Guests

As the God of Unexpected Guests, Hat and His priests are renowned for their erratic behaviour and unpredictability. His worshippers have a penchant for parties, especially if they involve hiding behind furniture then leaping out to shout "Surprise!" Generally free spirited, the followers of Hat frequently express their piety by travelling to new places, meeting new people, and engaging in new experiences. In keeping with his vulture-like nature, Hat can spot a good party, opportunity for mischief, or tasty corpse from miles away.

Among Hat's most valued commandments is: Surprise them, before they surprise thee, lest I visit upon thee a bigger surprise that thou shalt not like in the least for failing in thy duty to Me.

Hattian
Alignment
Hat only wants worshippers who are between neutral and quite evil.
The ideal alignment is 5 degrees evil.
Ministers
Minister for the Rerouting of Reservations
Minister of Surprise
Altar nickname
proper party
Temples
Djelibeybi, Temple Street
A large temple hosting a never-ending party. This is the main temple of Hat, housing the office of the high entity and a coffer. A temple shop as well as an instructor are available. There's a bar on the roof. Beware of vultures.
Ankh-Morpork, Street of Small Gods
A small temple in Ankh-Morpork. Services provided include a temple shop and a religious instructor.
Bes Pelargic, Imperial District, Red Tower
Only the religious instructor is available, accessible, unexpectedly, through a simple door.
Genua, Docks
A tiny outpost providing a shop and an instructor. The shop sells wearable symbols.
Slippery Hollow, Marketplace
A small temple with an altar and nothing else.
Office
The office is located in the Djelian temple behind a heavily carved bronze door. The door has no lock; it only lets the high entity and anyone who's following them in instead. It features a desk, a plump vulture, carved walls with religious scenes, a vulture nest that serves as a vault and a bar with free alcohol.
A large, spacious office set aside for the High (Priest or Priestess) of Hat - (...). A large wooden desk in the centre of the room faces the east door with an impressivly carved chair sitting behind it. It is decorated with a stylized vulture nest. A low bookcase which appears to have been turned into a private bar sits against one of the frescoed walls, while a plump vulture sits on a perch in the far corner.
Guild titles
the Almoner
the Apostle
the Archdeacon
the Beatus
the Believer
the Bestower
the Church Warden
the Compulsor
the Convert
the Convertor
the Counsellor
the Custos
the Deacon
the Designated
the Disciple
the Divine
the Dogmatist
the Elder
the Follower
the Gatherer
the Grace
the Guarantor
the Guardian of the Flock
the Hierophant
the High Almoner
the Lay Elder
the Lay Sister, the Lay Brother
the Matriarch, the Patriarch
the Minister
the Missionary
the Numerary
the Preacher
the Primate
the Prophet
the Proselytizer
the Record-Keeper
the Rector
the Reverend
the Revivalist
the Sacristan
the Saint
the Sexton
the Teacher
the Trustee
the Verger
the Vicar
the Witness
Heretic guild titles
the Apostate (possibly related to fighting, GL 535)
Special guild titles
of the Unexpecteds (covert)
of the Hattian Irregulars (fighting)
of the Hattian Mystics (magic)
Goatherd, Butcher, Brewer, Distiller, Vintner and Host (crafts)
Notable NPCs
Benna of Hat
A tall and rather voluptuous woman, with long black hair and large dark eyes. A devout priestess of Hat, she spends most of her time in the temple, teaching the ways of her unexpected God. For some reason, her classes seem to be full of men. She must be an excellent tutor.
Benna works as a religious instructor in Djelibeybi.
Ginzo of Hat
A short, rather squat man, Ginzo seems perfectly happy in this dreadful place. As a priest of Hat, he must have been put in far worse accomodation than this. While a native of Genua, he longs to visit the sandy shores of the homeland of his God, but usually contents himself with spreading the word of Unexpectedness throughout Genua.
Ginzo is the religious instructor in Genua.
H.P. Haxxter
Originating from Uberwald, H.P. Haxxter appears to have been frightened so much at one point in his life that his short hair turned completely white, despite his young age. His eyebrows are pierced with cheap metal and he appears to be a bit deaf. The hard features on his face strangely seem to fit with his eyes which dart around the room all the time.
Haxxter is the temple shopkeeper in Ankh-Morpork. Any similarity with a certain roundworld musician is purely coincidental.
Kang Wu
Kang Wu is one nasty piece of work. His job is to patrol the Black Market area looking for trouble - trouble being defined as anything or anyone threatening the business of the Black Market, so you'd best keep on his good side. He is very large, and appears to have been in a fair number of fights. Presumably, he won.
Perhaps an honourable mention. Besides the religious instructor, Kang Wu is the only Hattian in Bes Pelargic. He patrols the black market and often gets involved in fights with careless adventurers.
Reverend Sternlick
Reverend Sternlick is an old man, wrinkled of skin and grey of hair. His expression is kindly, but increasingly worried these days. He does his best for the spiritual well-being of the village-folk, but occasionally regrets past decisions.
Sternlick is the religious instructor of Slippery Hollow. He worries too much.
Scoone of Hat
Scoone is the representative priest of Hat for the Temple of Small Gods. He helps people by explaining his God and allowing them to become Unexpected Guests by taking them to various Temples in Ankh-Morpork.
An enthusiastic fellow, always lurking around the Temple of Small Gods in Ankh-Morpork. He tells you everything about Hat and he likes to debate theology.
Skimp
Skimp is a mild looking man, for a priest. He's kind of wiry and sinewy though. He might not have the strength of body but he may have the strength of mind.
Skimp is a quiet priest who never says a word. He wanders Ankh-Morpork.
Very Reverend Khepresh
A tall man, his lack of hair from his shaven scalp more than made up for with his bushy eyebrows and thick tufts of hair that grow out of each ear. Strongly resembling the vulture god he follows, he stalks Djelibeybi and, more recently, further abroad converting the unbelievers to the holy ways of Hat.
Everyone's favourite, Khepresh is a Djelian priest who travels the Disc via Visit. Sometimes he talks about whom he visited and where. From time to time he pops back into the temple. Definitely responsible for many of those Visit achievements. He wields Hat's unique faith rod, the bronzed crook.
Holy aura
... sheds an irritating orange glow that makes you feel that someone is creeping up on you.
Colours
Shades of orange, sienna, brown, gray, black.
Materials
Brass, bronze, leather, samite, mahogany, ivory, sandstone, onyx.
This is a string of prayer beads; twenty-seven perfect sandstone spheres threaded onto a strand taken from a fraying welcome mat. The surface of each bead is etched with an intricate runic character, representing prayers and meditations dedicated to Hat.
Wearable symbol
brass feather
This is an elegant feather that appears to have come from a brass vulture, attached to a leather strap. It doesn't seem to be detailed and it is solid and inflexible for a feather, but would serve as a piece of jewellery for someone who wanted to proclaim their faith.
Faith rod
bronzed crook
This slightly-gnarled crook has an unpleasant sense of malign disapproval about it. While its shaft is a rather unremarkable length of wood, its head is an unusually abrupt and flat hook which looks, from some angles, rather like a beak. It has been coated in gleaming bronze, and an impressive collection of huge, grey and white feathers splay out and dangle from where it connects to the rest of the crook.
Robe
sienna linen robe
A long flowing priest robe made from the purest linen. The long folds of the beautifully dyed linen fall to the ankles while the wide collar is trimmed with black and red embroidered vulture heads.
Vestment
black samite vestment
This looks like the sort of robe that a high-ranking Hattian priest would wear. It is made from samite which has somehow been dyed black with cuffs and collar of velvet. Every time you shake the sleeve, sand seems to pour out. The black samite vestment has two side pockets.
Surplice
white linen surplice
This long, full sleeved robe of fine linen is the official priestly attire of members of the lower clergy. It is ornamented at the hem and sleeves with a thin band of dark orange feathers.
Stole
dark orange silk stole
This thick band of dark orange silk stretches around the wearer's neck, hanging down almost as far as the floor. A surprised looking womble is embroidered in the middle, while the ends are fringed with pale orange feathers that whisper as they rub together, seeming to echo unexpectedness.
Kesa
burnt orange cotton kesa
A burnt orange cotton kesa or robe, stitched in the 'buffalo field' pattern. The back of the robe has a large vulture embroidered on it, the eyes picked out in onyx. The burnt orange cotton kesa has two side pockets.
Jewellery
brass feather
This is an elegant feather that appears to have come from a brass vulture, attached to a leather strap. It doesn't seem to be detailed and it is solid and inflexible for a feather, but would serve as a piece of jewellery for someone who wanted to proclaim their faith.
Doubles as a wearable holy symbol.
ivory vulture nippleshield
A wide circle of elephant tusk ivory encircles the nipple, the centre deeply etched with a depiction of a vulture, poised in flight. The piece has been arranged so that it looks like the vulture is about to pounce down upon the nipple itself. A steel barbell, hidden behind the centre of the nippleshield, is used to lock the piece into place
vulture bracelet
This exquisitely crafted (...) bracelet embraces the wrist with the wings of a vulture. Each feather is distinct, so lovingly made that they seem to rustle in the breeze. The vulture's head rises proudly in the centre of the bracelet and glares balefully at the world through glittering eyes of two empty medium gem settings.
vulture necklace
Thick strands of dull gold twist and twine around each other, forming a long and rather chunky necklace. Two orange and black speckled feathers hang from it, between them dangles a small enamelled vulture.
Furniture
devotional painting of Hat
This is a small devotional painting of Hat, the vulture-headed god of unexpected guests. Hat is shown standing next to a fold-out sofa, His hands clutched in reverence and His vulture head bent in prayer. This is just the painting to inspire wicked new ways of dealing with unexpected guests. The border of the painting is lined with miniature toothbrushes and tiny towels.
large battered suitcase
This large suitcase has seen some use, if the scratches and dents all over it are anything to go by. It is made from sturdy brown leather and is rectangular in shape. It has a brass lock that is shaped like a vulture's head in profile.
long mahogany bar
A long mahogany bar perfect for storing bottles, serving alcohol on, or just hiding behind for the latest surprise party. The front of the bar features a brass plate that is engraved with the vulture-headed figure of Hat, the God of Unexpected Guests.
Book
rumpled leather-bound book
Square and solid, of a size to fit nicely in the hand, this book has been bound entirely in leather that somehow looks slightly rumpled and travel worn. Etched upon the front cover is an image of a surprised looking matron in a dressing gown, with her hair put up in curlers. Battered leather straps, that might almost be found upon an old-fashioned valise, hold the book secure when closed.
Quill
vulture feather quill
Snaggly, scraggly, and oily black, this quill pen has a decidedly malign air about it, as if not even the writer could ever predict what odd, wonderful, evil, unexpected words might scratch their way onto the paper. The nib looks rather crooked and spiky, but writes quite well for all that.
Ritual burial
envalise
Suddenly, (...) appears unexpectedly beside you, dragging a large, battered suitcase. He quickly bundles the corpse of (...) into the suitcase, locks it shut and disappears as quickly as (...) came.
A random NPC or an online player appears next to you and unexpectedly steals the corpses. The suitcase must be pretty large as it can hold a whole elephant herd. There is only one variant of the ritual burial, regardless of the number of corpses being buried.
Unique rituals
Life of the Party
An offensive ritual that makes the target drunk and perform various involuntary actions interfering with covert activities. The effects stack in intensity and duration. As with alcohol, the target's constitution plays a role here.
Parasitic Vision
An offensive ritual that provides a quick glance into the room the target bound with Unwilling Host is in, from their perspective.
Unwilling Host
An offensive ritual that binds the target to the performer. While it has no effects on its own, it can be combined with Feedback for sapping the target's energy, Parastic Vision to see what they see, or Visit to always visit the target.
Visit
A very quick misc ritual that takes the performer to another random player anywhere on the Disc. Certain guild rooms, player houses and player shops are excluded from the possibilities. There are thirteen NPCs that can be randomly visited instead. If there are no visitable targets whatsoever, Visit takes the performer to the Mended Drum. Visit can be used with Unwilling Host for targetted visiting.
Shared rituals
Defensive rituals
Calm, Divine Guard, Divine Sentinel, Major Shield, Minor Shield, Sparkling Shelter, Totem
Offensive rituals
Agoraphobia, Dust Devil, Feedback, Fumble, Haunting, Horror, Searing Touch, Visions, Wrath
Curing rituals
Cure Light Wounds, Cure Medium Wounds, Food of Life
Misc rituals
Artefact Inquisition, Cool, Dark Sight, Devout Inquisition, Divine Hand, Far Sight, Find Corpse, Holy Insight, See Consecration, Tongues, Unquiet Spirit, Warm, Withering Touch (misc)
Divine Hand
Hat's chamber
Hundreds of people are jammed into this room, celebrating with a loud party. Streamers and balloons are strung around and there is a bar in one corner that appears well stocked. It looks most festive! Or would, if the party-goers hadn't stopped the party to mutter and whisper. On the bar, there is a small papier-mache statue of Hat, and a distraught looking host stands in one corner, occasionally wringing his hands.
Seems you've unexpectedly invaded someone's party. Everyone is quiet and staring at you. From time to time, a balloon pops to interrupt the silence. The host isn't very happy to see you. Perhaps you should do what you came to do and visit them?
Room chats
The clink of glasses from the back of the party echoes in the silence.
Soft whispering can be heard from all corners of the room.
The statue of Hat beams broadly at how uncomfortable the host is.
The host mutters something under his breath. It sounded quite rude!
Someone mutters in the background. From the sounds of it they aren't too impressed with you.
Someone whispers something just loudly enough that you can hear your name.
A stray balloon bursts with a loud *POP*, startling in all the silence.
The paper streamers rustle with a quiet sound.
A nervous giggle is quickly stifled.
Someone says, "Oh, it's you."
Is that a chill in the air, or is everyone unhappy to see you?
One of the shadowy party-goers nudges another in the ribs and points at you accusingly.
The statue's head bobs back and forth.
The statue of Hat is definitely smirking at you.
A boisterous but translucent drunk, oblivious to the chilly mood in the room, staggers over and gives you a bear hug and a sloppy kiss before elbowing his way back to the bar.
Leaving as a Hattian
Smiling at the host, you walk over to visit him, reaching for a drink. Before you can grab the giant glass with fruit and umbrellas, the host glares at you and you find yourself ejected from the party.
Smiling at the host, you walk over to visit him, reaching for a drink. Before you can grab the tumbler of vodka, the host glares at you and you find yourself ejected from the party.
You greet the host with open arms. She mutters at you. As you're kicked out of the party, you feel at one with Hat.
Smiling at the host, you walk over to visit her, reaching for a drink. Before you can grab the glass of brandy, the host glares at you and you find yourself ejected from the party.
As you surprise the host with an unexpected visit, you feel perfectly at one with Hat for a moment before suddenly finding yourself elsewhere.
Smiling at the host, you walk over to visit her, reaching for a drink. Before you can grab the little glass of something wobbly and brightly-coloured, the host glares at you and you find yourself ejected from the party.
You greet the host with open arms. He shouts at you. As you're kicked out of the party, you feel at one with Hat.
Beaming at the host, you reach for a handy lampshade to place on your head, so that the party can get going in style. She peers at you, shaking her head dejectedly and you find yourself standing somewhere else, tossed out of the party.
Leaving as a non-believer
You walk up to the host. As you do, you feel someone slip an invitation into your hand. The host recognises you, smiling. The party fades around you and you feel sharp talons ripping the invitation from your hand.
You walk up to the host, greeting him with a comment about the whispering and muttering. He returns the greeting, happy to see you. As the party suddenly fades away, you feel a brush of feathers across your back and a distinct sense of disapproval before you find yourself standing elsewhere.
You walk up to the host, greeting her with a wide grin. She returns the greeting, laughing with you. As the party suddenly fades away, you feel a brush of feathers across your arm and a distinct sense of disapproval before you find yourself standing elsewhere.
Shields
... is covered in translucent grey feathers. (self)
... is covered with translucent feathers. (others)
Healing
You feel the spirit of Hat inside you. You feel somewhat renewed when He leaves. (weak)
You feel as though you have the mother of all hangovers as Hat reduces your wounds. (medium)
You feel the spirit of Hat renewing your body. Time to party! (strong)
Warm
Grey feathers surround you, caressing and warming you.
The air around (...) is filled with a sudden shower of feathers.
... is surrounded by swirling feathers.
The feathers around you swirl, blow away and vanish suddenly.
The feathers swirling around (...) fall to the ground, vanishing as suddenly as they arrived.
Cool
You are hit by several unexpected gusts of wind.
(...) shivers suddenly, for no apparent reason.
... is shivering inside a swirl of cold air.
The gusts of wind battering you fade away.
(...) stops shivering quite so violently.
Parch
The water slides off your body and evaporates.
The water coating (...) slithers down her and evaporates.
Holy Weapon
Orange, tangerine.
Totem
large vulture
A large vulture, this creature stares evilly out at the world through beady eyes. As well as being much larger than a normal vulture, this creature's other distinguishing feature is the party hat perched playfully on its head.
Note Hattian Totems used to leave party hats behind, randomly. This is no longer the case.
Being a bird, the vulture can fly and is therefore resistant to falls, landing gracefully next to you.
Vultures can be summoned with party hats. There are currently four items usable for this purpose: standard party hats, custom party hats, pairs of large underwear and party berets that can also transform into foldable sofas.
Minions
Minions refer to their masters with your unexpectedness.
Also, unexpectedly, Hattian minions don't suffer from any speech impediments.
Detect Alignment
You see a vulture sitting by a carcass. As you watch, the vulture pulls out the heart and devours it with (number) pecks. (good)
You see a vulture sitting by a carcass. As you watch, the vulture pulls out both the heart and the liver before grabbing the entrails and flapping away. (neutral)
You see a vulture sitting by a carcass. As you watch, the vulture pulls out the liver and devours it with (number) pecks. (evil)
Ritual bonuses
In company of three or more other priests
The most powerful bonus Hattians can get. It is possible it scales with the number of priests in the room. It doesn't matter what deity the priests worship. NPC priests also count.
At other deity's high altar
A slightly less powerful bonus than being at one's own altar; however, combining trespassing with being close to an altar of Hat can surpass the Hattian altar bonus. Red Tower altars of Fish and Sek are the best options, with the altar of Sandelfon in Ankh-Morpork being close second. While the altar of Sek in Djelibeybi may appear to be close, the bonus it provides is considerably worse.
Being drunk
This is equal to the standard penalty for being drunk, effectively negating it.
Hattians can utilize high altars of any deity for any purpose besides obsecrating, an action reserved for high entities. This includes altars of non-worshippable deities.

## Seven-Handed Sek

Sek is a God who knows what He wants and His seven hands are ideal for getting ahold of it. His followers usually share His drive for self-gratification and tend to enjoy doing whatever is necessary to take what they desire from someone else. Imbued with a natural sense of cruelty, Sek's worshippers frequently inflict misery upon others as a preferred method of showing their commitment to Him.

The primary commandment of Sek is: Increase My glory by taking power for thyself from those who are less deserving of it, for the more power thou bringest unto Me, the more power I shall bestow unto thee, and thou shalt remain forever My most prized of servants.

Sekkite
Alignment
Sek only wants worshippers who are between barely evil and as evil as you can get.
The ideal alignment is 25-26 degrees evil.
Ministers
Minister of Eternal Darkness
Minister of Internal Affairs
Altar nickname
profane ground
Temples
Djelibeybi, Temple Street
Ankh-Morpork, Street of Small Gods
Ohulan-Cutash, Sinners' Walk
Bes Pelargic, Imperial District, Red Tower
Office
A large room, with narrow windows high up on the sandstone walls the only source of fresh air. A slight attempt has been made to make it comfortable, with a few somewhat ragged looking armchairs scattered around and filmy curtains covering the windows. These tattered comforts do nothing to help the deep sense of foreboding that permeates this temple, as if it were a ripe piece of fruit, infested with rot and worms.
Guild titles
the Abbot
the Acolyte
the Altar Girl, the Altar Boy
the Apostle
the Archbishop
the Archcardinal
the Archpriestess, the Archpriest
the Beatus
the Bishop
the Canon
the Cantor
the Cardinal
the Catechumen
the Censor
the Chancellor
the Choir Girl, Choir Boy
the Choir Soloist
the Consumed One
the Convert
the Curate
the Dean
the Definitor
the Disciple
the Divine
the Exalted
the Exarch
the Executioner
the Expeditor
the Exquisitor
the Friar
the Grand Penitentiary
the Keeper of the Faith
the Lector
the Novice
the the Ordained Priestess, Ordained Priest
the Parson
the Pastor
the Penitentiary
the Precentor
the Prelate
the Primate
the Prior
the Prophet
the Saint
the Sectary
the Sectator
the True Believer
the Votary
Special guild titles
of the Sektarians (covert)
of the Sekkite Militant (fighting)
of the Sekkite Magi (magic)
??? (crafts)
Notable NPCs
Kess of Sek
This is Kess, an Archcardinal of Sek. She is a young woman, and beautiful in a twisted kind of way. She seems fairly innocuous until you notice her eyes and see the vicious look in them.
Psamtic of Sek
A rather plump and jolly looking man, it's not until you get to the rather unpleasant gleam in his eyes that you realise Psamtic's true calling. He tends to spend his time in the vestry of the temple teaching the new generation of priests and priestesses about the more traditional side of Sek.
Repurg
???
Rudolpho of Sek
Rudolpho looks unstable. His eyes gleam with inner fire and his whole body shakes uncontrollably. Although he looks strange he could still probably help you.
Holy aura
... beats regularly with blood-red pulses of light.
Colours
???
Materials
???
This is a string of prayer beads; twenty-seven perfect obsidian spheres threaded onto a blood-red cord. The surface of each bead is etched with an intricate runic character, representing prayers and meditations dedicated to Sek.
Wearable symbol
black metal medallion
This is a wafer-thin disc of steel that has been charred to a jet black finish and strung with a similarly manufactured chain. Around the edge of the disc is a stylised design of seven linked arms, each hand holding the next arm's elbow, surrounding a fearsome reproduction of Sek's distorted grimace.
Faith rod
spiked black pole
As poles go, this one is pretty threatening. Its blackened metal length is adorned with painful-looking ridges, making it difficult to hold comfortably. Above a modest circlet of iron spikes, the pole is topped by a seven-sided emblem, each point of which is decorated with a finely-metalworked hand and a far cruder metal point, jutting away from the centre of the sigil.
Robe
maroon linen robe
A long flowing priest robe made from the purest linen. The long folds of the beautifully dyed linen fall to the ankles while the wide collar is trimmed with gold and silver embroidered hands.
Vestment
This looks like the sort of robe that a high-ranking Sekkite priest would wear. It is made from heavy crepe stained a blood red colour and has a seven-armed star in reddish-brown thread on the back.
Surplice
white linen surplice
This long, full sleeved robe of fine linen is the official priestly attire of members of the lower clergy. It is ornamented at the hem and sleeves with bands of deep red.
Stole
blood red silk stole
This thick band of blood red silk stretches around the wearer's neck, hanging down almost as far as the floor. Deep red embroidery that seems to imitate drips and drabs of blood contorts its way along the length, while dark red crystals dangle from each end, their faint noise echoing the dripping sound of blood.
Kesa
dark red cotton kesa
A dark red cotton kesa or robe, stitched in the 'buffalo field' pattern. The back of the robe is roughly decorated with large rusty brown splotches. It is unclear whether this is part of the design or not. The dark red cotton kesa has two side pockets.
Jewellery
???
Furniture
???
Book
slim leather-bound book
Square and solid, of a size to fit nicely in the hand, this book has been bound in pale leather, thin and supple. The front cover has been lightly tooled with a man's face, his eyes inset with two garnets and an unfathomable smile on his lips; a similar, smaller face adorns the spine.
Quill
grey goose quill
At first glance, this seems to be an ordinary grey goose quill, a flight primary from the right wing, the curve sitting perfectly in a writer's hand. On a closer examination, though, the shaft is made from fine ivory and the barbs are finely woven silk, artfully damasked for a perfect semblance of life.
Ritual burial
ensumpf
???
Unique rituals
Creeping Doom
Paralysis
Profound Darkness
Rage
Shared rituals
???
Divine Hand
Sek's chamber
This is a roughly circular island of black stone in the middle of a sea of flames and bubbling lava. Thankfully the island is large, otherwise the heat would be unbearable and even the most devout Sekkite's barbed wire underwear would start leaving scorch marks against the skin after a few moments. The island is featureless, except for a slight depression containing a small statue of Sek. A large flame dances in the air above His effigy.
Room chats
The lava around the island bubbles with heat.
The flame performs a tricky tango manoeuvre before resuming dancing above the statue.
The statue of Sek surreptitiously wipes His brow.
The statue of Sek seems to move slightly. You're sure one of those gestures was rude!
Hot air blows across your face.
The sea of flames burns higher for a minute or two.
Squelch.
Bloody squelch.
It's hot here. Really hot.
Breathing is like sucking on a chimney.
Did the island just settle a little lower into the lava?
This could be a pleasant place to visit, if you brought a folding chair, a cold drink and some fire-retardant clothing.
Little cinders float around in an updraft.
You're sure that the lava is nearer now than it was a moment ago.
A bubble bursts in the lava with a quiet blurble.
Your eyes and lungs burn from the sulphurous air.
Leaving as a Sekkite
You enter the flame, feeling perfectly at one with Sek for a moment before you suddenly find yourself elsewhere.
As you step into the flame, it crackles around you, whispering in your ears and curling over your body. Just as the heat begins to overwhelm and the flames begin to burn, you are somewhere else, suddenly cooler.
You step into the flame, which flares around you, searing hot. Your faith in Sek is unwavering, though, and you suddenly find yourself elsewhere.
Leaving as a non-believer
Gritting your teeth, you step into the flame. It flares and crackles around you, painful and blindingly bright. After a long moment of searing agony, you find yourself standing somewhere else, unharmed.
Shields
... is surrounded by bright crimson flames. (self)
... is surrounded by crackling flames. (other)
Healing
You feel Sek's fire burn around you, sealing your wounds. (weak)
You feel the profane flames of Sek lick around you, sealing your wounds. (medium)
??? (strong)
Warm
You have a fleeting vision of flames before your eyes.
The air around (...) crackles with ghostly fire.
... is wrapped in pale orange flame.
The flames around you flare slightly, then vanish.
The flames that surround (...) flicker and die.
Cool
You have a prickling on your skin, as if there were hoarfrost growing on it.
The air around (...) flashes with blue-white flame.
... is wrapped in a blue-white flame.
Your skin stops prickling from divine cold.
The cold flames around (...) vanish abruptly.
Parch
A brief flame envelops you, drying you constantly.
A brief flame envelops (...), drying (pronoun) instantly.
Holy Weapon
Crimson, ruby, vermilion.
Totem
large salamander
A creature of flame, this salamander is much larger than your standard iconography fare. It exudes an aura of heat, the air around it shimmering as if it were being heated to incandescence. Its blotchy black and red skin looks as if it would resist lava, and its eyes burn yellow like a thaumic explosion.
Summoning a salamander requires body parts. Fresh and cured bits work just as well.
Minions
Minions refers to their masters with your darkness.
Sekkite minions speak with an aspirated accent, replacing Ks with Khs and Js with Ghs.
Detect Alignment
??? (good)
??? (neutral)
You receive a vision of Seven-Handed Sek in front of a brazier, holding a (body part) aloft. In a blur of motion, Sek slices the (body part) in half, letting it fall into the flames. The brazier flares (number) times with a crackling orange flame. (evil)
Ritual bonuses
Combat
Sekkites get a small ritual bonus while in combat. As this is probably their favourite activity, performing offensive rituals in areas with Sekkite temples can be fairly boosted.
???

# Comparison tables

Depending on which god you worship, you'll enjoy certain cosmetic differences that help set you apart from the heathen rabble.

From Thematic Variation.

## God-specific Symbols

Deity Symbol Description
Pishe a narrow ivory bracelet This is an exquisitely carved beautiful ivory bracelet. Attached to it is a tiny crystal vial containing rainwater.
Gufnork a soft fluffy ball This is an extremely fluffy white ball, made of something so quintessentially fluffy that it radiates fluffiness into its surroundings. It is so fluffy that it won't even bounce, but it does seem to be eminently huggable. There is a hole through the centre, suggesting that it could be worn over your wrist.
Gapp a golden thimble This is an ornate thimble, like any tailor or seamstress might use if they were successful enough to afford one. Unlike an ordinary thimble, however, this one is jointed and would cover an entire finger, protecting it from even the most fearsome of needles. The surface is slightly pitted, each pit engraved with a tiny paisley pattern.
Sandelfon a small square stone This is a small flat square stone, like a miniature paving stone made from something that makes ordinary cement seem like powdery chalk. Incised on the unfinished side is an elaborate maker's mark that looks beyond the skill of a mortal mason. The stone is pierced by a leather thong, and could be worn as a bracelet by the devout.
Fish a line of shark teeth This is a long strand of brass line, on which are strung a collection of shark teeth. Each tooth has been engraved with a tiny scrimshaw prayer.
Hat a brass feather This is an elegant feather that appears to have come from a brass vulture, attached to a leather strap. It doesn't seem to be detailed and it is solid and inflexible for a feather, but would serve as a piece of jewellery for someone who wanted to proclaim their faith.
Sek a black metal medallion This is a wafer-thin disc of steel that has been charred to a jet black finish and strung with a similarly manufactured chain. Around the edge of the disc is a stylised design of seven linked arms, each hand holding the next arm's elbow, surrounding a fearsome reproduction of Sek's distorted grimace.

## Consecrate Auras

Deity Aura
Pishe ...radiates a reassuring cyan glow like the sun after rain.
Gufnork ...gently radiates a fuzzy white glow.
Gapp ..stylishly radiates a pristine <colour> light.
Sandelfon ...indifferently radiates a harsh grey light.
Fish ...slowly pulsates, washing from a deep blue to a light aquamarine.
Hat ...sheds an irritating orange glow that makes you feel that someone is creeping up on you.
Sek ...beats regularly with blood-red pulses of light.

## Burial Commands

Deity Command Description
Pishe ventisepelate (indoors) You call on Pishe, Goddess of Slight Showers, and present the corpse of a small mottled dog as an offering.

You utter a swift prayer to Pishe, Goddess of Slight Showers, causing a grey slate tomb to form around the corpse of a small mottled dog, encasing it before sinking into the floor without a trace.

ventisepelate (outdoors) You call on Pishe, Goddess of Slight Showers, and present the corpse of a thin man as an offering.

You call down the holy wind of Pishe, Goddess of Slight Showers, and an opaque <colour> mist forms around the corpse of a thin man in a sudden squall, which carries it away without a trace.

Gufnork decompose You call on Gufnork, God of Fluff, to give the corpse of a man a proper burial.

You draw the attention of Gufnork, God of Fluff to the corpse of man, which <is covered in/sprouts> <something fluffy>, growing rapidly and then disappearing to leave nothing behind.

Gapp shroud You call on Gapp, God of Fine Clothing, to mummify the corpse of a rat and carry it away.

You call on Gapp, God of Fine Clothing, and long sheets of <style> material appear, winding around the corpse of a rat. The sheets then unwrap and disappear, leaving nothing behind.

Sandelfon ventisepelate (indoors) You call on Sandelfon, God of Corridors, and present the corpse of a pasty stone mason as an offering.

You utter a swift prayer to Sandelfon, God of Corridors, causing <random box/chest/coffin> to form around the corpse of a pasty stone mason, encasing it before sinking into the floor without a trace.

ventisepelate (outdoors) You call on Sandelfon, God of Corridors, and present the corpse of a short camel trader and the corpse of a wealthy camel trader as an offering.

You call down the holy wind of Sandelfon, God of Corridors, and a <random water feature> around the corpse of a short camel trader and the corpse of a wealthy camel trader in a sudden squall, which carries them away without a trace.

Fish pyroscipate (on land)

You sing a funeral dirge praising Fish over the corpse of a grizzled sea captain.

You call on Fish, God of Fishermen, and suddenly great timbers arise out of the ground. The timbers curve and shape themselves into a small longship about the corpse of a grizzled sea captain. A small mast sprouts up, rising rapidly to full height, growing two branches which turn into a yard. A large, <random pattern> sail unfurls as the ship catches on fire, solemnly burning until only the ash remains to scatter on the wind.

pyroscipate (underwater) You gesture over the corpse of a killer whale while uttering a prayer under your breath.

You gesture over the corpse of a killer whale while uttering a prayer under your breath. You whisper a prayer to Fish, God of Sea Creatures, blowing bubbles through the water. Suddenly, a glowing blue school of <random fish> swim in, shredding the corpse of a killer whale, and then swim away as fast as they appeared.

Hat envalise You call upon the might of Hat, the Vulture-Headed God of Unexpected Guests, to dispose of the corpse of a worshipper of Fish.

Suddenly, <any random NPC> appears unexpectedly beside you, dragging a large, battered suitcase. He/she quickly bundles the corpse of a worshipper of Fish into the suitcase, locks it shut and disappears as quickly as he/she came.

Sek ensumpf You call on Seven-Handed Sek to destroy the corpse of a man with furious malice.

You invoke the power of Seven-Handed Sek, and the area around the [corpse(s)]...

1-2 corpses ...begins to bubble and froth, drawing <it/them> downwards to leave nothing but a <hint/wisp/trace> of <disgusting/malodorous/noxious/poisonous/putrid/vile-smelling> <fumes/gas/vapour>. OR ...hisses and roils. <Acidic/Caustic/Noxious> <fumes/gases/vapours> seep upward, <quickly/rapidly> <burning/destroying/melting> <it/them>.

3 corpses ...glows a <bright/brilliant/hot> <blue/crimson/orange/white/yellow>, causing them to light on fire and <quickly/rapidly> burn away and vanish.

4-5 corpses ...crackles with <brilliant/scorching/searing> <blue/crimson/orange/white/yellow> flames, <quickly/rapidly> <cremating/destroying/incinerating> them.

6 corpses ...flares with <brilliant/towering> <blue/crimson/orange/white/yellow> flames, <quickly/rapidly> engulfing and <cremating/destroying/incinerating> them.

7 corpses ...is filled with a <pillar/tower> of searing <blue/crimson/orange/white/yellow> flames, engulfing and <cremating/destroying/incinerating> them in an instant.

8-9 corpses ...erupts in a <massive/towering> <column/pillar/whirlwind> of blazing, searing <blue/crimson/orange/white/yellow> fire, rising from the ground to <cremate/incinerate> them instantly.

10 corpses ...<produces/spews forth> a(n) <enormous/massive/searing> <blue/crimson/orange/white/yellow> blaze, instantly reducing them to ash, but then lingering for a moment, <giving you the impression that the flames are watching you/whispering seductive and longing words to you in burning hot breezes/licking at the ground before vanishing. On the parting breeze, a single word: [Die/Destroy/Hate].>.

## Totems

Deity Totem Description Notes
Pishe a misty woman Apparently made up of a fine mist, this figure appears to be a fairly young woman with striking ice-blue eyes, the only substantial thing about her. Clad in wisps and veils of draping cloud, she drifts around the area like a fine fog over the highest Ramtops moor. Misty women will not attack your enemies.
Gufnork a dust bunny Made almost completely out of multicoloured fluff, this blob is only really bunny shaped if you have a good imagination. It looks fairly tall for a dust bunny, probably because of its divine origins, constructed from the carpet-fluff of Dunmanifestin.
Gapp a tall <colour>-robed man This looks like a tall man dressed in an incredibly high quality, <colour> robe that appears to make him glow from within and fits him like a second skin. It conceals his features so well that there might not be an actual person wearing the robe at all.
Sandelfon a rocky creature This creature looks like a small troll made of paving slabs; if it were to lie across a ditch it could make a quite passable bridge. Despite its troll-like appearance, the eyes are more like those of a golem, burning with holy fire. Rocky creatures have troll skin, making them tougher to kill.
Fish a lungfish Apparently some sort of lung fish, this large eel-like creature appears to have no gills but does have some barely functioning legs, allowing it to flop about on land. It is not the most graceful of creatures, stuck halfway between being a fish and an amphibian.
Hat a vulture A large vulture, this creature stares evilly out at the world through beady eyes. As well as being much larger than a normal vulture, this creature's other distinguishing feature is the party hat perched playfully on its head. Vultures spawn with party hats or underwear, and drop them when dismissed.
Sek a salamander A creature of flame, this salamander is much larger than your standard iconography fare. It exudes an aura of heat, the air around it shimmering as if it were being heated to incandescence. Its blotchy black and red skin looks as if it would resist lava, and its eyes burn bright orange like a thaumic explosion.

## Warm

The appearance of the performance message and the line that's added to your description will change, depending on which god you worship.

Deity Perform appearance Description line
Pishe A thick, warm mist billows up around you. She is surrounded by a thick warm fog.
Gufnork You feel like you've been wrapped in warm flannel. The air around him swirls in gentle curves.
Gapp You feel the smooth touch of silk on your skin. A shimmer of ghostly silk surrounds him.
Sandelfon A shower of dust surrounds you, heating your skin where it touches. He has glittering dust surrounding him.
Fish Your skin feels warm and oily. He has a layer of oil surrounding him.
Hat Grey feathers surround you, caressing and warming you. He is surrounded by swirling feathers.
Sek You have a fleeting vision of flames before your eyes. He is wrapped in pale orange flame.

## Cool

Like with the Warm ritual, how you magically Cool yourself will be different in appearance.

Deity Perform appearance Description line
Pishe Tiny hailstones fall around you, chilling your skin slightly. She is surrounded by a slight fall of hail.
Gufnork Chilly clouds of mist surround you for a moment. He is surrounded by a cloud of chilly mist.
Gapp You hear a ripping sound and, an instant later, gusts of wind begin to hit you. The air around him moves with a fluttering wind.
Sandelfon You hear a groaning sound before a rush of cold, stale air hits you from far away. He has a haze of stale greyish air around him.
Fish You are surrounded with grains of ice, which chill your skin as they touch you. He has ice crystals glittering on his skin.
Hat You are hit by several unexpected gusts of wind. He is shivering inside a whirl of cold air.
Sek You have a prickling on your skin, as if there were hoarfrost growing on it. He is wrapped in a blue-white flame.

## Parch

The method in which the ritual dries you is different for each deity.

Deity Perform appearance
Pishe The water slides up your body and forms a small raincloud.
Gufnork
Gapp The water slides off your body and evaporates.

The water coating <target> slithers down <pronoun> and evaporates.

Sandelfon The water slides down your body as if you were a freshly waxed corridor floor.
Fish The water slides down your body as if you had been greased with fish oil.
Hat The water slides off your body and evaporates.
Sek A spurt of flame dries you completely.

## Cure Light Wounds

The method in which the ritual heals you is different for each deity.

Deity Perform appearance
Pishe You feel the warmth of Pishe flow over you, reducing your wounds.
Gapp You feel Gapp stitch up your injuries.
Sandelfon You feel Sandelfon strengthening you, restoring you to health.
Fish You feel the life-giving waters of Fish within you, mending your injuries.
Hat You feel Hat cast out your unwanted wounds.
Sek You feel Sek's fire burn around you and seal your wounds.

## Holy Weapon

Holy Weapon's colour will change, depending on which priest performed it. This has no effect other than cosmetics.

Deity Colour
Pishe Lilac, Violet, Lavender
Gapp Saffron, Amber
Sandelfon Silver, Ash Grey
Fish Azure, Cerulean, Sapphire
Hat Tangerine, Orange
Sek Ruby, Crimson, Vermilion

## Minor/Major Shield

Your Minor/Major Shield rituals will add a line to your look description that changes depending on your god and the strength of the ritual. Each god gives three types, dependent on the strength of the ritual (fa.ri.de.se/ta).

Deity Description line (weak) Description line (medium) Description line (strong)
Pishe He is covered in a layer of transparent fog. He is covered in a layer of translucent fog. He is covered in a blanket of fog.
Gufnork He is covered in a thin layer of fluff. He is covered in a layer of fluff.

He is covered in a thick layer of fluff.

Gapp He appears to be wearing a ?? <colour> <material> robe. He appears to be wearing a ?? <colour> <material> robe. He appears to be wearing a translucent <colour> <material> robe.
Sandelfon He is covered in a layer of dust. He is surrounded by a wall of dust. He is surrounded by an ethereal wall.
Fish  ??? He is covered in a slimy seaweed cloak.  ???
Hat He is covered in transparent grey feathers. He is covered in translucent grey feathers.  ???
Sek He is surrounded by pale orange-gold flames. He is surrounded by crackling flames. He is surrounded by bright crimson flames.

## Detect Alignment

Deity Object Type Degree Indicator Good Colour/Type Evil Colour/Type Ideal Alignment
Pishe Coloured drops from a vial Number of drops Gold Purple 25-26 Golden Drops
Gufnork Balls of fluff Number of balls Gold Purple 6-7 golden balls
Gapp Buttons on a balance Number of buttons White Black 3 good
Sandelfon Scale Degrees on the scale Degrees towards feather Degrees towards the statuette Perfectly Level
Fish Two fish chasing and eating each other Number of bites Sole eats carp Carp eats sole 0-1 evil
Hat Vulture eating corpse's organ Number of pecks Heart eaten Liver eaten Liver eaten in 5 pecks
Sek Coloured flares from a brazier Number of flares Silver Orange 25-26 Orange Flares

## Divine Hand

Deity Leave the passage room Look at destination
Pishe enter cloud look cloud
Gufnork roll around in fluff look ball
Gapp walk down the runway
walk down the path
pose before statue
look raiment
Sandelfon enter corridor look corridor
Fish swim into whirlpool look whirlpool
Hat visit host look at host
Sek enter flame look flame

N.B. Watch the room chat in Gapp's passage room (after a while):

Something glints from underneath the mannequins.  Perhaps you should take a closer look.


Searching mannequins may yields a nice fascinator, coloured with Gapp's current favourite colour.

Sandelfon room chats:

It must have taken a thousand architects a thousand years to design all of this.
You could wander forever in these halls and never see an egret or an egress.
With a grumbling and a grinding noise, a corridor undergoes a slight adjustment.
The corridors stand proudly, a testament to the builder's art.
This must be what it feels like to be digested by a troll.
Dust motes swirl around some of the older looking corridors.