Quest:Western Morpork quests

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Western Morpork quests

"Accomplice", in which you were an accomplice in a burglary. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Accomplice

Items: 1 large satchel (shop on Ettercap Street, wandering AM wizards, wandering travellers on sto plains roads, bag shop in Djelibeybi)
In one of the houses on the western part of Elm Street there is a cat burglar busy stealing stuff but he needs a bigger bag to hold it. Give him the large satchel.

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"Apprentice Campanologist", in which you made the bells ring out over the city. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Apprentice Campanologist

Skills: 100-115 minimum adventuring.movement.climbing.rope bonus, 100-125 minimum adventuring.acrobatics.balancing bonus.
Items: Tin of rust remover (see HANDYMAN quest)
Go inside the bell tower north from Five-Ways (intersection) in southwest AM.  "climb rope" in one of the rooms to get onto the beam, then go northeast.  You might see Hugo there if he hasn't fallen off.  Go to the part of the beam with the bell and "repair bell with tin" then "ring bell".  You might lose your balance a few times, so just heal up and try again until you get lucky. I think you need the basic guild-taught levels in vaulting to get handhold on the rope, kept failing with ad.mo.cl.rope bonus way above 115 until i advanced it.

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"Apprentice Journalist", in which you defied authority and stepped up for freedom. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Apprentice Journalist

Find Sacharissa wandering around AM.  Say 'help' to her and she will give you a report and tell you to bring it to William de Worde, who is in the AM Times building off the north end of Gleam Street. When you give it to him he will ask you to find a matching picture for it, and to give the picture and report to Mr. Goodmountain who will print an article for it. Go downstairs in the AM Times building, and "search iconographs". You need to find the iconograph which matches the report ("read report").  Once you have this, go back to Mr. Goodmountain and give the report and the iconograph to him. He will make a print out of it and give it to you. Give this print to William de Worde to get the quest. You also get A$20.

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"Bush Whacker", in which you beat around the bush. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Bush Whacker

Skills: 125 (less may work) adventuring.movement.climing.rock bonus.
Go north as far as you can in the park off of Goose Gate Road in Ankh-Morpork. Then head east to enter the maze. From the frog, go E, SE, NE, S, NW, NE, SE, N, N, W, W, W, SE, W.  Climb the gate and you have completed the quest.

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"Cat Reliever", in which you relieved some felines from relieving. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Cat Reliever

Items: wire cutters from the tool shop on Ettercap Street
Ironcrust's Bakery on Cable Street. Go into the back room east of the yard and search for the hidden east door. In here you will find cages full of cats. Use the wire cutters to "cut" wires, or "untwist" wires depending on which works for each wire.  You'll get a pet cat.

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"Coin Collector", in which you proved yours was the best. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Coin Collector

Items: tatty old magazine, mahogany display case; both bought at Coin Corner.
Go to the Coin Pitt on The Pitts Inside the Coin Pitt find Urotho who will tell you that he wants to buy rare coin collections. Reading the magazine obtained from Coin Corner you will find a list of coins which will satisfy his needs. Buy a display case for the coins (any type will do). The shop sells all needed coins but won't have them all in stock all the time. When you have a complete collection return to Urotho and give him the whole collection to claim the quest (Note: the names from the magazine will not always match the names in the shop exactly; for example, a "very old Omnian obol" is sold in the shop as "an ancient Omnian obol").

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"Daddy's Little Helper", in which you put an end to an old man's thirst. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Daddy's Little Helper

On the docks northeast of Cockbill Street and just west of Ankh Bridge, you'll find a pier with Pa Abigayle on it. He says he's thirsty. If you get him the drink he asks for, you'll get the quest.  Some of these are in the tented tavern a few rooms to the west.

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"Electrick Marstar", in which you made a meal of the electrick. (Quest level 6)

Discworld quest page for Electrick Marstar

Skills: 100 crafts.culinary.cooking bonus, 70 crafts.culinary.butchering bonus
Items: sausage (All Hours Cafe on Dimwell Street)
Items: ground garlic (in the garden of Temple of Small Gods, witch gardens, Scrogden garden, or terrains outside Djelibeybi - Grind in a grinder in a witch's house)
Items: scumble (from any tavern)
Items: shot/measure glass (any nearby tavern)
Items: 1 bottle of beer (any nearby tavern)
Items: lard (tub in Gimlet's back room)
Items: flour (bag in Gimlet's back room)
Items: 1 bottle of water (fill from the sink in Ironcrust's Bakery)

Go to Thomas Eddiesson's house on Cable Street and: 
  "say Hey Igor. What is the recipe for fatsup? How would you make it?"
  "say What sort of spirit based alcohol alcoholic bribe would you like, Igor?"
  "bribe" the Igor upstairs with the scumble.

He'll give you a recipe that involves the items listed above.  First you need to mix those, then fix the stove afterward, when you're ready to cook.  Here's a step by step guide to mixing:
  search dresser
  get pan
  fill shot glass from water bottle
  pour shot glass into pan
  fill shot glass from beer
  pour shot glass into pan

Basically the beer has to be in a 1:1 ratio to the water.  As far as the amount, keep adding water and beer in the above ratios until the pan is about half full.  But the net result should be that the pan only has "watery beer" in it.  If you have too much of one liquid, it will look like "watery beer and water", which means you should add a little more beer.

Next:
  put a lot of ground garlic in pan
  get garlic from pan
This works because excess solid ingredients can be removed from the pan, unlike liquids.  You should now have only "garlicky watery beer" in your pan.

Next:
  put a lot of flour in pan
  get flour from pan
You should now have "beer and garlic gravy".

Next:
  put a lot of lard in pan
  get lard from pan
You should now have "greasy beer and garlic gravy".

Next:
  put sausages in slicer
  slice all in slicer
  get all from slicer
  put all sausages in pan
  get sausages from pan
This should give you "uncooked fatsup".

***TANGATHOR 03/28/11***
(In addition to the above information, I found the solution for me included "Brandy" in a very minimal amount)
  I used-
9 Shot Glasses of Water
9 Shot Glasses of Beer
12 Drops of Brandy (1/32 of a Phial (Buy a brandy, then "Fill phial 1/32 from Brandy")
<add garlic, flour, and lard then remove>
3-4 sausages (depending on the number of slices you get from the slicer...i added then 1 at a time then checked the pan to ensure it was all turning to "Uncooked Fatsup"
as I was NOT able to remove sausage from the pan for some reason)

Next you need to fix the stove.
  "turn stove up" and it should indicate a faulty wire.
  "repair" that wire and keep trying until it's ready to cook.

Turn the stove up to 120 or so, and pay very close attention to messages indicating how fast the fatsup is cooking, and "check temp on stove".  If it's cooking too quickly, turn it down.  If it's cooking too slowly, turn it up.  You'll have to adjust the temperature at least a few times.

If you fail at the cooking, you'll get an icky mess and have to start over from the very beginning.

If you succeed in getting "congealed fatsup", give it to Thomas.  He'll give you a light bulb.

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"Electrickally Marstered", in which you put yourself through pain to brew the perfect cup. (Quest level 7)

Discworld quest page for Electrickally Marstered

Skills: 190+ adventuring.movement.climbing.rock bonus
Skills: 161+ adventuring.movement.climbing.rope bonus 
Skills: 176+ adventuring.acrobatics.balancing bonus
(Note that you'll need much higher skills if you are too burdened.)

Items: copper stick (from the shelf in the Witch Cottage in Mad Stoat)
Time: Night (this allows the button to induce thunder and lightning)
Weather: medium cloud cover or more, gentle breeze was enough, no precipitations needed

Go to the clock tower north of the Five Ways intersection. "Look tubes" to make sure one hasn't burst recently from someone else doing the quest - if it is burst you have to wait until the room regens (30 minutes on average).

Go northeast, northwest, "move slab".  Go down and "push button" to make the weather nasty on the roof. This changes to weather in the pole room on the roof to be two levels more cloudy, more windy and cooler and torrential rain. This needs to be enough to make it a storm. See the weather and temperature pages for the levels.

Go back outside the tower and "climb up" twice, then "climb rope".  Go south and "climb up" again, then go north to the center of the roof.

With FULL HP "hold copper stick", "grasp pole", then "touch wire with stick".  If there's a thunderstorm on ("Peals of thunder and streaks of lightning rend the sky.") you will be struck by lightning, go flying off the roof and probably break a leg and end up with less than 5 hp.

Go back to the basement room, optionally set the dials and switches on the machine, and "pull lever". It should make some kind of coffee.

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"Guide To The Undead", in which you helped someone begin anew. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Guide To The Undead

There is a "human zombie" somewhere wandering around Ankh-Morpork. This is a specific zombie, not the ones wandering around obsessing about brains.

He's been spotted on the southeast end of Dock Street April 2008, on Dock Street, outside the jewellery shop along the docks in April 2010.

Say "follow" and lead him to the fresh start club alley in the eastern part of Elm Street or the nearest bar.

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"Heart Of Gold", in which you comforted someone far from home. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Heart Of Gold

Items: Snowball ("make snowball" in a room where it is snowing. The snowy area doesn't have to be Ankh-Morpork)
In a house in the middle-ish bit of Quarry Lane go north into a kitchen.  You may need to "move" or "search" the rug, and go down into the basement.  There should be a troll there: if so, give him the snowball.

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"Kinky Shopper", in which you purchased some interesting (Know what I mean? Eh?) underwear. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Kinky Shopper

Items: $7.50
Go to the Martial Aids store on Heroes Street and "nudge" then "wink" at Number One Son. Then say "know what i mean?" and he'll give you a key and lead you into the secret room.  Buy one of the kinky items stocked there.

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"Master Potter", in which you helped a craftsman deliver his wares. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Master Potter

Skills: 80 crafts.pottery.forming.throwing bonus
Skills: 190 crafts.pottery.forming.shaping bonus
Skills: 101 crafts.pottery.glazing bonus
Skills: 107 crafts.pottery.firing bonus
Items: Maybe $10 if shaping skills are quite a bit higher than listed above, otherwise $50-100
After completing the POTTER'S FRIEND quest, make 5 plates and 5 bowls in the Potter's workshop on the north end of Cockbill Street.  Buy clay in the northern room, and the rest of the tools are available to use in the wheel room.  Steps:
1) "throw" the clay onto the wheel
2) unhold all
3) "mould" the clay into a plate or bowl
4) get the plate or bowl from the wheel
5) get and hold the brush
6) "glaze" the plate or bowl with the cochineal glaze
7) wait for the plate to dry (the glaze doesn't need to)
8) "fire" the plate or bowl (multiples can be done at the same time as well) in the kiln. The success message is "You select a shelf, carefully place a (item) in the kiln and adjust the air flow." and the failure message is "You put a (item) in the kiln.". If you get a failure message the item will explode, but you can get the item from the kiln while holding tongs and try to fire it again once it cools.
9) "check" items in the kiln until they're done.  There's no harm done leaving them in too long.
10) get and hold the tongs
11) get the items from the kiln and put them on the drying rack if you want them to cool faster
The plates have to be plain, pleasant, or fine for the potter to accept them.  The glaze can be as crappy as you like and the potter won't care.  Take the plates, some at a time or all at once, to the wandering potter and say "help" and then "assist".   Give him the plates and bowls and you'll get 1 shiny dollar for each.

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"Matefinder", in which you helped a pair in a gender non-specific way. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Matefinder

Find Gritjaw Thighsplitter wandering in AM, usually in the section bordered to the north by Dock Street, to the west by Treacle Mine, to the south by Cheap Street, and to the east by Short Street and the Ankh River.  Say that you know his name is Graben, then say that Dia Shale sent you, then say that Dia said the marriage is approved.  You don't need to go to Creel Springs for this quest.

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"Onna Rocks!", in which you lose a few stone to stop some trolls moan. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Onna Rocks!

Skills: a major skill branch (faith, covert, fighting, magic) higher than level 75
Items: a few dollars
If your skill branch is high enough, go to Mr. Cheese in the Bucket Inn on the northeast end of Gleam Street.
First be sure you have at least two names set in your finger info.  He won't know if they're fake, but they should be different than your character name.  Say you want a job or offer to help.  When he asks about what you're good at, say the name of your highest major skill branch.  He'll tell you to bring him certain items:
sulphur (from Alchemists' Guild shop on Street of Alchemists)
gold (a gold ring will work)
silver (a silver ring will work or silver paint from Isle of Gods paint shop)
flint (bagel shop on Quarry Lane)
sandstone (Gimlet's on Cable Street)
cinnabar (red pebble from troll vendor rock shop on Quarry Lane)
iron ore (from Alchemists' Guild shop on Street of Alchemists)
lead ore (from Alchemists' Guild shop on Street of Alchemists)
copper ore (from Alchemists' Guild shop on Street of Alchemists)
micholite (purple mineral from Alchemists' Guild shop on Street of Alchemists)
quartz (rosy-quartz pink doughnut from Quarry Bagel Shop (rock bakery) on Quarry Lane)
granite (granite kebabs from Gimlet's on Cable Street)
slate (grey pebble from troll vendor or rock shop on Quarry Lane or slate grey paint from Isle of Gods paint shop)
ash (Filigree or Elm Street smithies, sweepable with a broom from Street of Small Gods smithy)
clay (potter shop on Cockbill Street)
lime (this is mineral lime - "grey pebble" from Mit-sin-bibh-khot's World of Rare Reagents, the shop in the IIL in DJB, works for this)
Bring them to Mr. Cheese and he'll give you an electrum link that can be rubbed.

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"Potter's Friend", in which you helped a craftsman continue his work. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Potter's Friend

Skills: 109+ crafts.carpentry.furniture bonus 
Items: a hammer (any sort, the tool shop on Ettercap Street sells several)
Items: three nails (odds and ends shop on east end of Plaza of Broken Moons)
Go to the pottery shop on the north end of Cockbill Street, hold the hammer, and "fix" the wheel with the nails.

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"Practical Joker", in which you doused a souse. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Practical Joker

Go to the XXXX shop just north of the west end of Filigree Street and buy a tin of beer.  Leave the shop "shake" the tin four times, until it says whoever opens it will have a frothy surprise.  Go back inside the shop and give the tin to Wozza.

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"Prolific Paster", in which you accomplished a sticky endeavour. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Prolific Paster

Go to the Dwarf Bread Museum and find Felicity.  Say "problem" and "I’ll put up the posters for you" and she'll then give you some posters and glue.  How many posters you need to put up depends on where you put them.  The lines at the end of the room descriptions are no indication (it's crowded here, etc).  What you need are rooms with lots of exits.  Five or even six exits are great, but if you're somewhere like the Plaza of Broken Moons or Sator Square, don't put them too close together.  To put up the posters, "apply" the glue to the poster and "paste" the poster in the room.  If you need more posters or glue, go back to Felicity and say you need them.  She might make you wait a bit.

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"Punching Bag", in which you carried around a carcass. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Punching Bag

Items: Side of beef (Butcher on God's Collar)
Items: Meat hook (Shop on Morpork Street)
Items: Hemp rope (Balboni's apartment)

Go to Stony Balboni's apartment near the eastern end of Pony Parts. The entrance is hidden and can be accessed using "climb staircase". 
Search the junk in his apartment for a hemp rope. Give him the rope, meat hook and side of beef.

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"Rock Star", in which you raked till you ached. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Rock Star

Skills: 128 or more adventuring.movement.climbing.rock bonus (unhold all, no shoes, light burden)
Items: Rake (smithy on northeast side of Street of Small Gods)
Go to the Shonky Shop on Clay Lane and wander around until you get to the room with Brother Soon Shine Sun. Go through the hidden exit east here then continue east to a yard with a locked gate. "Climb" the wall and go west into the History Monks temple, then say "help" when Ludlakk is in the room. He'll give you a piece of paper with a grid design on it to be raked into the sand.  "rake" the grid based on the grid coordinates, to form the letters and symbols displayed. "syntax rake" is very helpful.  If you cross over a previously raked section, you'll have to rake it again. Before you start, look at the design on the paper and figure out you're path for going back and forth while avoiding the rocks.

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"Short Changed", in which you learned the true meaning of 'No pain, no gain'. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Short Changed

Items: a few dollars (or tickets, if you have some from completing Prolific Paster), and possibly a friend depending on how you want to do it
When in the Dwarf museum, you need to get your tooth jolted out.  There are multiple ways to loosen it and finally knock it out:
*Eating the scone from the water dunking game. (The scone is not consumed.)
*Eating a tessera won from a game. (The tessera is not consumed.)
*Eating dwarf bread prizes bought with tessera. (Misfortune cookies are consumed, but others aren't.)
*Standing on the platform of the strength tester and having someone else play the game.

If you get messages about your tooth feeling a bit looser, etc., then it's working.  You may need to wait a little while in between eating the scone or tesserae (alternatively, you may not get a message every time it's loosened a bit).

At the entrance to the museum, search the walls to find the hidden room and unlock the door using the key that can be won from the lucky dip game. You could also pick the door, but a bonus of 327 in covert.lockpick.doors fail repeatedly. Place the tooth under the pillow, lie on the bed and then sleep... Repeat this until you get the quest and one dollar from the tooth fairy.

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"Sympathetic", in which you brought happiness through compassion. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Sympathetic

Find the wandering sad man near the intersection Attic Bee and Short street (sometimes in Brother David's) and "comfort" him.  There are other "sad men", but this one has a shorter description.

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"Top Scorer", in which you got kicked around by a bunch of playful trolls, repeatedly. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Top Scorer

Skills: up to 125 fighting.unarmed.striking bonus to score goals
Skills: fighting.defence.dodging to avoid being hit
Skills: ad.perception to avoid running into people (might TM during play)
Skills: fi.ra.thrown may also help with scoring, TMs during play if low
Items: obsidian boots OPTIONAL (bought from injured troll)
Go to the room with the injured troll on Quarry Lane and "join game" to play.  You can leave the game if you're getting too hurt. You can also use curing rituals during the game. Score 8 times to get the quest.   You may want to drop the trophies to avoid burdening while playing.  After each score, "join game" again to play more.

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"Walleyed", in which you freed a mason. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Walleyed

Skills: 200+ adventuring.perception bonus (200 will succeed infrequently when measuring), 120+ people.culture.ankh-morporkian bonus
Items: measuring tape, chisel, and crowbar (tool shop on Ettercap Street)
Go to the west side of Ankh-Morpork, along Endless Street.  There's a wall you can look at in each room starting 5 rooms n/nw of Limping Gate and going to one south of Shambling Gate.  These are the only rooms the quest will be in.  In a random wall room, you can "search wall" to find a piece of paper.  Another random wall room will have the next step in the quest.  To find the room, start at one end of the wall and "measure wall" with the measuring tape until you see something about an odd stone and crumbling mortar. Measuring too many times within a given time period will cause your eyes to cross and you will have to wait several minutes for them to uncross to continue. Once you have found the correct wall room, "chip mortar" while holding the chisel until the mortar is gone, then "lever block" while holding the crowbar until the block comes out.

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Haunted Mansion quests

"Axe Dealer", in which you returned a dwarf's family heirloom. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Axe Dealer

Items: weather-beaten key (see SEASONED EXPLORER quest) or lockpicking abilities, a light source
Go to the mansion on Short Street, just south of the intersection with Attic Bee.  "press switch" in the first room to reveal a stairway leading down.  Make sure your light source is lit, and go down.  Go one more room, and get the axe from the corpse, or from the floor if the corpse has decayed.
Don't go any further in the cellar: retrace your steps upstairs and back out to Short Street.

Go to the flats immediately east of the mansion, then into the south apartment on the ground floor.  Go north into the bedroom (you'll hit your head on a bar and get hurt a bit if you don't "crawl").  Give the axe to Stavic to receive the key.

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"Competent Banisher", in which you sent a most pernicious and annoying fiend back where it belonged. (Quest level 3)

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"Crypt Robber", in which you broke into an ancient crypt. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Crypt Robber

Having completed the VETERAN EXPLORER quest below and killed the greater demon (you need to have done the MASTER OF CEREMONIES quest before you can kill the greater demon) then head north once. In this room, you have to "open coffin". This is disguised as a stone table. Then you can "get all" from the coffin.

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"Master Of Ceremonies", in which you performed a mystic ceremony. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Master Of Ceremonies

There are two ways to do this quest:
Items: 1 eagle feather per participant (from Bandit Camp eagle quest - a repeatable quest)

1) For wizards and witches:  At 12:00AM Disc time (midnight), walk diagonally (northeast/southwest) through the connected rooms at the bottom of the tower of Art until you are magically transported to a room in the clouds.  Place the eagle feather on the statue.

2) For priests, assassins, warriors and thieves:  This involves three players, one of which should be a priest, one should be a warrior and the other either a thief or an assassin.  Read the book in the tower of the mansion near the intersection of Short Street with Attic Bee.  First the priest should say "sulamore" and then "galimore". The warrior should then say "duvanti", and finally the thief/assassin should say "duvanti".

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"Radiant Adventurer", in which you found a magic pool and received a magic boost. (Quest level 7)

Discworld quest page for Radiant Adventurer


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"Seasoned Explorer", in which you discovered a hidden dungeon. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Seasoned Explorer

First go to the flats on Short Street just south of Street of Small Gods.  Go all the way upstairs, and into the south flat.  Go into the bedroom and go "up" then "search nest" to get the weather-beaten key.  Take the key and go to the mansion across the street.  Inside, "press switch" and go down.  Don't wander around further unless you know what you're doing.

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"Veteran Explorer", in which you discovered new areas in the hidden dungeon. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Veteran Explorer

Skills: some ad.perception?, some co.ca.place, some co.lo.door, some co.lo.traps, possibly co.ma.stealing, co.it.traps?, some fighting. The last trap needs co.it.tr and co.it.po to disarm.
This quest involves disarming traps a few times. You have to be able to spot the traps in order to disarm them, otherwise you'll get hurt.

To complete this quest, you will first need an iron amulet from the wind demon upstairs in the Old Mansion on Short Street south of Brother David's. To get this, enter the mansion (see SEASONED EXPLORER), go up, and go west. Search (possible skillcheck here) to find a lever, pull lever, go up. There's an exit west, then go south. Open the door using a key, it should be the one from the dwarf corpse, or just lockpick it. In the next room you need to disarm the flame trap before you can head south.

To get the wind demon to appear, open the box, and it will come out and autoattack. Kill it to get its amulet, or if you're a thief, filch the amulet from the demon. Or just kill the demon if you want to. Don't wear the amulet because it breaks easily in combat. The room should reset in about 30 minutes and allow another wind demon to come out if you need another amulet because the banshee respawned too fast (sometimes it can be near instantaneous).

Go to the hidden cellar from SEASONED EXPLORER by pressing the switch inside the front door and go down, then south.

The east exit of the room with the dwarf corpse is trapped with a blade trap. Either disarm the trap, or crawl.

Then open the east door with the key from Stavic, or lockpick it if you wish.

In the next room, there are three demons. They don't autoattack, but you must kill them to go east again. The demons spawn relatively quickly - 5 minutes or so, in my experience - so get the amulet from the wind demon upstairs first.) Try not to die. It's a bit of a hassle to retrieve stuff from one's corpse when there are demons and locked doors.

In the next room is a banshee and a gas trap. "Use amulet on banshee" and it will disappear and the amulet will crumble to dust. Hurry up to disarm the gas trap because the banshee respawns fast and if it does you need to go fetch another amulet and by then the demons and blade trap will have respawned too.

In the next room there is a greater demon (that does not autoattack) that can only be killed if you have done the MASTER OF CEREMONIES quest. Just reaching this room will get you the VETERAN EXPLORER quest and $75. You can proceed to the CRYPT ROBBER quest above which involves killing the greater demon.

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