Quest:Discworld quests

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This page lists every quests.

You can see the detailed solutions by clicking on the title of the quest.

See also the Discworld quest table with basic information for all quests.

Discworld quests

"Azure", in which you checked your mates. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Azure

Items: Chessboard
Play chess and beat three people who do not have the quest, or one person who does.

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Ankh-Morpork quests

"Bored Of The Ring", in which you reunited a dwarf and his precious. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Bored Of The Ring

First find the LAG.  If you shout "lag" in Ankh-Morpork (and the LAG is alive) it shouts back, showing you what direction it is in. Kill the LAG or otherwise acquire its ring. Killing it can be pretty damned hard, but you don't have to kill it yourself so long as you get the ring.  Find Prodo Laggins wandering around AM and give him the ring.

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"Demon Friend", in which you were tricked by hungry demons. (Quest level 5)

Discworld quest page for Demon Friend

First, gather the following items:

A sea shell found by searching inside the conch shop on Cockbill Street.
A cauldron, found by searching inside the house east of Rimward Gate, after getting rid of the lady inhabiting it.
The black frisbee for sale in the T-shop or from the Foreign Ambassadors' Reception in Djelibeybi.
A crystal ladle, for sale in the general shop on Vagabond Street.
A giant coin, which is in fact the table in the money changers on the Street of Bookkeepers (This is heavy, if you cannot pick it up, drag it).
A strange angler fish, found by searching outside the Fishermen's Guild (This will decay so it's worth getting it last, along with the toadstools).
Four large toadstools, found growing on the Tump (This will decay so it's worth getting it last, along with the angler fish).

The cauldron must be filled with water from the Ankh, either by entering the liquid parts of the river within the city, or by digging in the solid parts of it with a shovel and filling it with the water that bubbles up.

Take all of the items into the room outside of the Least Gate (Eastern most Ankh gate) that mentions a clearing, drop them all except the shell, then "blow" into the shell.

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"Doppleganger", in which you recognised locals from afar. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Doppleganger

There are unique, named NPCs wandering around AM that have names that are current or former creator names in reverse.  Say the creator name (usually the reversed name of the NPC) in the same room with them - e.g. for Mota 'say atom'.  Presto's NPC is Notserp (but say Presto). It might not be required to find all of them.

The doppelgängers are: Adnew, Alab Nad, Analla, Anarual, Ahtued, Dyffat, Eki Rhs, Endaira, Enim Rac, Euq, Eur, Hsif K'nip, Ilik, Kelsej, Mota, Nacirrut, Naiu Q Sad, Nadow, Nmad'ho, Notserp (in his case, the name you need to say is "Presto"), Nyvven, Repurg, Retlobgod, Sebboh, Serec, Sokkard, Sssld, Suoiruc, Y Llit.

The required subset for the quest is likely Adnew, Anarual, Endaira, Euq, Eur, Hsif K'nip, Kelsej, Mota, Nacirrut, Nmad'ho, Notserp/Presto and Nyvven - that is, the original twelve quest dopples, before Dogbolter started expanding them in the early '00s.

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"Errand Runner", in which you delivered a long awaited parcel. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Errand Runner

Go to the sorting room of the Post Office on Widdershins Broadway. Say "details" or "help" and then say "yes" and then say "easy". Read the parcel to see where to "deliver" it.  You will have to "deliver" the parcel all over AM until you find the correct person. You'll get $25.

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"Executive Chatter", in which you got ripped off by a telepathic imp. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Executive Chatter

Skills: Guild Level 150
Items: 15 royals
Find the Greedy Imp who wanders around AM.  DO NOT GIVE HIM THE MONEY.  Follow him or he'll walk off after a few seconds. Say "fifteen", and ask about his exclusive club and the fee for joining. Say "know what I mean?" and then "wink" at him the way he winked at you. You will get the quest when he swipes your royals immediately after you winked and you'll have access to talker channels A'Tuin & Intermud.

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"Sign Reader", in which you followed the signs in order to return some stolen property.. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Sign Reader

Skills: 25 levels adventuring.movement.climbing.rock to stay on the stepladder (101 bonus or less)
Items: crowbar, stepladder (in the basement of the Post Office)
Outside the main entrance of the post office there is a notice which misses letters. They have been "repurposed" to create (street) signs elsewhere in Ankh-Morpork. If there is a street sign, the room description (verbose as well as brief) ends with "a bronze sign is fixed to the wall." 
Known location of the street signs are:
* The east end of Filigree Street (North of Assassins Guild)
* The south end of Upper Broadway
* The east end of God Street
* (The east end of) Grunefair
* The north end of King's Way (at the King's Way Rathskeller)
* (The northwest end of) Quarry lane (southeast of Sticken Place)
* (The northeast end of) Merchants Street
* (The east end of) Zephire Street (west of Dolly Sisters)
* The western end of Vagabond Street
Use the crowbar to "pry" the letters off. Having recovered the letters, go back to the post office and "set up" the stepladder you will find in the basement to "replace" the letters on the notice. 
The notice will read now: NEITHER RAIN NOR SNOW NOR GLOOM OF NIGHT CAN STAY THESE MESSENGERS ABOUT THEIR DUTY.

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"Uncobbled", in which you shooed some obnoxious shoes. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Uncobbled

As you wander around AM, an evil cobbler might pop out and put nasty shoes on you.  "untie" the laces to get the quest.

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"Weight Watcher", in which you realised that sometimes you have to be kind to be cruel. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Weight Watcher

Items: 5 watermelons (fruit shop on Baker Street, or free outside Djelibeybi during the right season), or 2 dead eels from Little Agatea and a knife
Find Louis Bingham as he wanders AM.  Keep cutting the food until they're too small to cut further, then give one piece at a time to Louis.  Wait until he's finished one before giving him the next.  This is based on number of food items, not on weight or value, and you need to give him at least 50.  Eventually he'll explode. Note: It may be that you need to use "fresh" food, 64 cured sixteenths of a dead eel did not get the quest. The number of items fed seems to carry over for some time, so you can make multiple visits many days apart and still get the quest - gave up after a while and two weeks later fed one more 16th of melon and he exploded!

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"Wine Connoisseur", in which you filled both pouch and bladder. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Wine Connoisseur

Go to the Flintwick building near the south end of Lobbin Clout and find Old Bob wandering around in the building.  Say "licence please" and he'll hand it over unless he gave it to someone else already.  Now go to the wine warehouse on the east end of Prouts and give the licence to Benno.  He'll tell you to taste four different barrels.  See syntax "taste".  Then say what you think about it.  Don't quote the message you get when tasting, and I think it compares your answer to all previous answers, and disallows it if it's too similar to someone else's.  Being totally random might help.  When you finish, you'll be drunk and get some money.  Leave the building immediately so you don't fall down the stairs while stumbling around drunk.

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Ankh quests

"Coffee Bean", in which you went on a caffeine rush. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Coffee Bean

Go to the Genuan Embassy on Phedre Road and "read tome".  This will take you on a Choose Your Own Adventure type escapade in the book. To move through the book, you type the exit (choice) that you want to follow.  The correct path to get the quest is: Fight, Run, Sit, Show, Shop, Olives, Lemon, Oregano and Liqueur.
To be safe, follow the guide above. The pages to the bad endings are 7, 14, 15, 19, 20, 24 and anything after that, and 27. For the final few pages you can choose either exit. If you don't choose a correct path, you'll have to wait about a minute before opening the tome again.

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"Furniture Hauler", in which you helped a migrating bird. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Furniture Hauler

Find Shazure in the mansion on Speedwell Street a little west of the Council Offices and offer to help her, she will give you wooden flamingo. Give it to Shapaya at her new house on Grunefair, near Dimwell Street.  She'll give you some money and you'll become slightly more good (around a degree, it seems).

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"Know-It-All", in which you went philosophical and used the noggin. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Know-It-All

Items: $2.50
Go to the north side of the Green Lumpy Bit, and "pay" or give the $2.50 to Maximilliam.  Then go into the door that opens, who will ask you a question.  If you get the answer wrong, you'll be dumped into a pit and somehow end up upstream from the Green Lumpy Bit, but you can try again for a while without paying more.  Here's some past questions and answers:
Q. Who painted "Three large pink women and one piece of gauze"?
A. Caravati

Q. Who sculpted "Man with Big Fig Leaf"? And as a hint, there is one single word answer.
A. Mauvaise

Q. What is the only river you can cross twice? 
A. "The River Ankh"

Q. What does a witch see when she looks in a mirror? 
A. "Herself"

Q. How many assassins does it take to fix a light bulb? 
A. "None"

Q. Say what I say not do as I do, say "feet without shoes or socks"
A. "Feet"

Q. How many people to make a working love potion? 
A. "Two"

Q. You are a mime in Ankh-Morpork, what should you do? And as a hint, there is a single answer of three words.  
A. "Learn the words"

Q. How do you get a drink out of a dwarf?
A. ""

Q. Who is the fifth horseman of the apocalypse? And as a hint, there are two possible answers, either one or two words.
A. "Kaos" or "Ronnie Soak"

Q. What does a wizards staff have on the end? And as a hint, there is a single answer of two words. 
A. "a knob"

Q. What's the surest way to get thrown out of a dwarf bar? And as a hint, there is a single answer of three words.
A. Probably "being too creative"

Q. If you take a left turn in the shades, where are you? As a hint, there is one three-word answer and one two-word answer. 
A. "In trouble" and perhaps "in the shades"?

Q. What is the one distinguishing feature of a Witches hat? And as a hint, there are two possible answers, either four or six words. 
A. "a witch wears it" or "because a witch is wearing it"

Q. Name the first elephant turnwise from here right now. And as a hint, there is one single word answer.
A. "Jerakeen"

Q. Where do people who insult elves keep their teeth? And as a hint, there are two possible answers, either one or three words.
A. Probably "Nowhere" or "They do not"

Q. Why did carrot cross the road? And as a hint, there is a single answer of six words.
A. ""

Q. Translate the dwarfish: b'zugda-hiara, to the Morporkian tongue. And as a hint, there is a single answer of two words. 
A. "lawn ornament"

Q. A dwarf takes a job at Harga's House of Ribs, what is his job description? And as a hint, there are two possible three word answers.
A. "short order chef"

Q. What are the first three lines of the dwarves gold song? there is a single answer of three words.
A. "Gold gold gold"

Q. How does a rat without sauce smell?
A. "With its nose"

Q. What does Solid Jackson fish for?
A. "Curious squid"

Q. How many dwarves does it take to light a torch? And as a hint, there are three possible answers between one and one words.
A. "None" and maybe "We'll have none of that revolutionary strike business around here thank you."

Q. What interest does Chrysoprase charge on overdue loans?
A. "An arm and a leg"

Q. How does one summon a demon?
A. "carefully"

Q. What box at the Opera does the ghost occupy on opening night?
A. "seven plus one"

Q. Who painted "Three large pink women and one piece of gauze"?  And as a hint, there is one single word answer.
A. "Caravati"

Q. What box at the Opera does the ghost occupy on opening night?
A. "seven plus one"

Q. Name the second elephant turnwise from here right now.  And as a hint, there is one single word answer.
A. "Tubul"

Q. What does Solid Jackson fish for?
A. "Curious squid"

Q. Say what I say not do as I do, say "feet without shoes and socks".  And as a hint, there is one single word answer.
A. "Feet"

Q. What is the Patrician's instructions to mimes?  And as a hint, there is a single answer of three words.
A. learn the words

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"Mapmaker Caretaker", in which you changed a big mess into a slightly smaller mess. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Mapmaker Caretaker

Go to the map store on the southwest end of Ankh Street (it's around the NW part of AM, near Traitors Gate) Go south and "stack" the papers a few times until it says you're done.  Next, go upstairs and "make bed" and "empty" or "drain" the sink, then "fill sink" and "wash dishes".

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"Pandora's Playmate", in which you tried to please an ungrateful brat. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Pandora's Playmate

Go to the house at the northeast end of Fast Lane, just south of Endless Street.  Hang any clothing item on the hat stand, and when it collapses retrieve the clothing and get the key.  Go to the house on the southwest end of Fast Lane, and go upstairs to Pandora's room.  Give her the key.  You'll get a huge chocolate cake.

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"Pizza Sneaker", in which you managed to sneak out with a pizza you hadn't paid for. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Pizza Sneaker

Items: $10
Go into the pizza shop on Artorollo Alley, which is just south of The Tumps.  "order" a speciality pizza, then take it down into the basement and "search compartment", then leave west.

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"Polite Shopper", in which you used common sense to visit an exclusive place. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Polite Shopper

Go to the import emporium on the northwest end of Park Lane and knock on the door, then just say your name when someone asks for it.

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"Saboteur's Tool", in which you engaged in an act of corporate sabotage. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Saboteur's Tool

You need to give a rat farming tool to Noelle at the Kart Kill Kafe (intersection of Dock Road and The Soake). 
The rat tool can be found by exploring the rat farm a little way up The Soake, see Rat_Farm#Entry for how to reach it. 

The chest containing the tool will be locked, but the key can also be found in the farm, see Rat_Farm#Chests for how to get keys. 
NOTE: There are multiple rats per room and they auto-attack together. Nasty things.

You will also get $5 as a reward

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Ankh River quests

"Aquatic Discoverer", in which you did a good deed that went unnoticed. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Aquatic Discoverer

Skills: adventuring.movement.swimming bonus of around 100+, light or no inventory, empty hands and bare feet help as well.
Swim around in the watery part of the eastern end of the Ankh River, until you see a duck. You can type down from the Wood bridge to get into the water.

It's usually between Wooden Bridge and Water Bridge.  "quack" at the duck, and it will follow you.  Take the duck to Duck Man, who is usually loitering with his buddies on the west end of Elm Street, though they wander and follow people so may move quite a bit.

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"Memento Locator", in which you returned a loved one's gift to its rightful owner. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Memento Locator

From Pa Abigale on the dock road, go down and "search dirt".  Go south, then east, and enter shop.  Give the scarf to Elsie.

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"Skippy", in which you made them bounce. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Skippy

Skills: 151 or less fighting.range.thrown bonus
Go down from Pa Abigayle on the dock on Dock Street and search a while to find various rocks.  "skip" the rocks until you get the quest.

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"Stylish Adventurer", in which you renovated a useful piece of armour. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Stylish Adventurer

Skills: 118 adventuring.movement.climbing.rope bonus or less
Go to Carrot's bedroom upstairs in the watch house on the south side of Pseudopolis yard and "search bed" to find a tin of polish.  Go to the odds and ends shop on the east side of Plaza of Broken Moons and buy a buffing cloth.  Go to the dead end room at the southeast end of The Willows and "climb down".  "search" again to find a hole in the boat and go down - if this doesn't work, 'look at boards' and then 'move boards' to reveal the hole.  Kill the crocodile (not a wimpy beast, if too hard just go "up"), "search" once more to find the rusty chainmail, and polish it.

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Isle of Gods quests

"Actor Advisor", in which you talked someone down from the edge. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Actor Advisor

This quest is the in the upstairs room of the building immediately south of the entrance to Dysk.  An actor is distraught over a bad performance and you have two options to complete the quest, you can start the quest or a new conversation by typing greet actor and then comfort/laugh actor:
1) "comfort actor" when he cries, "sympathise actor" when he says he did horribly, and "agree actor" when he says it was all their fault.  Eventually (this can take a while), he'll cheer up and walk out.  Your alignment will increase, even if it's not enough to show up in "score align".
2) "laugh actor" when he cries, "agree actor" when he says he did horribly, and possibly "patronise actor" when he says it was all their fault.  Eventually he will jump and break his legs, and your alignment will become more evil.  If you want to put him out of his misery, you can then kill him on your way out :)

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"Cocktail Shaker", in which you stirred up a sensation. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Cocktail Shaker

Prerequisite:  at least ten or so successful jobs from the Job Market (or potentially some equivalent job missions).

First, go to the job shop on Cheap Street and "apply for a job".  Keeble will give you an envelope.  Don't open it.  To get past the Splatter outside the All Bar None tavern on the southeast corner of Pseudopolis Yard, it seems you need to do the DRESSED UP TO THE NINES quest first or get rid of him somehow (it no longer works to give him the envelope, and giving him the letter in the envelope doesn't work, either).  He's only there at night, and if you portal in during the day you'll be automatically kicked out.  Give the envelope to Thom Crooze once you're inside (if you opened the envelope, Thom will comment on it and say that if you're not trustworthy he's not taking you on.  Oops.  You'll have to wait before applying again.).  He'll tell you what drink to mix first and a shaker and glass.  You can "research" the drink to see what the ingredients are.  Then you should pour the ingredients into the shaker until they're mixed together to form the request drink with nothing else left over.  A good way to find the ratios is by pouring small-ish quantities of the ingredients, then adding drops until you get the desired result.  Next CLOSE the shaker, and "shake shaker".  Open the shaker and pour it into a glass, then give the glass to Thom.  He'll have you make a total of three drinks.
If you don't remember what drink you requested to mix, ask Thom: 'could you please remind me?'.
If you lost the shaker, ask Thom a new one.

Tip: when you use small amounts of the different ingredients, you can use a teat pipette to suck out the superfluous drops (which didn't mix into the requested drink) after shaking.

More details: All Bar None

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"Connoisseur of the Arts", in which you continually patronised the Dysk. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Connoisseur of the Arts

Go to the Dysk Theatre and buy tickets or a season's pass.  I suggest staying with the cheap tickets unless you have cash to burn.  When the curtain falls at the end, "applaud the play" or "boo the play".  Do this ten times (a season's pass worth of shows), and you'll get the quest.

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"Crossbow Caretaker", in which you bribed and greased your way to success. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Crossbow Caretaker

Skills: fighting.special.weapon
Go to the watch house on the south side of Pseudopolis Yard, and continue in a southerly direction from the entrance until you're in a yard.  Get the crossbow from a table and read it to find the serial number.  Then go to Stronginthearm's shop on Lower Broadway and say something about fixing the crossbow.  He'll then want you to bribe him with some lunch, so get some ale from a nearby tavern and some bread from a nearby bakery.  Give those to Stronginthearm in his shop, and he'll tell you to meet him at the watch house, where the crossbow is.  Buy some grease and a crossbow string from his shop, then go to the room with the crossbow in the watch house and he'll show up right away and fix the crossbow.  "string crossbow with string" and "grease crossbow with grease" then hold the crossbow and "pull bolt from dummy".  "load crossbow with bolt" and "fire crossbow at dummy". Note that you don't need to *succeed* at hitting the dummy; you can miss and still get the quest. Mr. Baraby will come and ask you a question.  Say "yes" and follow him to pick a prize (they suck, unless you're a wizard, in which case you can use the shield for EFF for a few levels).

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"Dressed Up to the Nines", in which you were at sixes and sevens with clothes. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Dressed Up to the Nines

You need about 30% of the maxmium possible quest points to do this quest (currently 200), and a decent amount of money.  Go to Number One on the north side of Pseudpolis yard, and head upstairs.  You'll need to get your nails and hair done ($60-$100?), and buy clothing in the building as well.  Even if you're female, male clothing is sufficient, and preferable due to costing far less and being ready far faster than the dresses.  Go up another floor and buy a pair of dress trousers, a ruffled dress shirt, a dinner jacket, and a bow tie ($87.50 total--thieves can try to shoplift these items instead).  Put your weapons in a container or vault them, and wander over to the All Bar None tavern on the southeast corner of Pseudopolis Yard at night time.  DO NOT FIGHT OR GET WET after having nails and hair done because they will be ruined and you'll have to do them over.  Say to the splatter that you are famous, then say that you know Thom Crooze if he asks who you know that's on the list.

If you do choose to get the dress, you may end up paying much more ($250?), you will be given an appointment time to be fitted for a dress, and then you will have to wait until the dress is finished (and pick the dress up within seven days of it being completed.) The dress is not sufficient clothing to complete the quest, but a dress and a boa is.

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"Flexible", in which you didn't get impaled. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Flexible

Skills: 105 or less adventuring.movement.climbing.rock bonus
Go along the east side of God's Collar until you can "look fence", then "climb fence".

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"Light Technician", in which you brought illumination to the nation. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Light Technician

Items: screwdriver (either kind, available at tool shop on Ettercap Street or the Equipment shop at the Job Market), any food item.
You'll need a screwdriver (either kind seems to work), and some form of food.  A drink won't work.
Go to the Skunk Club on Brewer Street at night time - you should have all weapons concealed in containers, and may need money to get in depending on how late in the night it is. You can possibly sneak past the bouncer. Somewhere on the dance floor is a malfunctioning light.  "unscrew lid with screwdriver" while holding the screwdriver, and "open lid".  "feed" the food to the imp to get the quest.

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"Pest Controller", in which you managed to exterminate some stubborn vermin. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Pest Controller

Item: a flute, recorder, or panpipe (all available from assassins' guild)
Take a flute, recorder, or panpipe to the house with Rattigan on the south side of God's collar.  Play it successfully (a bonus of around 135 in crafts.music.instruments.wind is required to get to the stage of playing a slow and simple tune; a bonus of 47 or so is fine if you play from a primer), and Rattigan will follow you, and his other rat buddies will follow him.  You can either lead him to the rat catcher or just walk into a water room (the river) and he'll immediately drown.

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"Prompt", in which you used the right words in the right place. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Prompt

Go to the backstage area of the Dysk Theatre, accessible from the northeast area of the yard.  In the first indoor room should be a depressed actor.  Say "help" and the actor will tell you the name of the play.  "search scripts" until you find the script for that play and say "ready".  The actor will then start reading his lines, intermittently asking you for a line.  "read script" to see what the lines are and quote them when he asks you for the line, until he completes the script.

you do not have to find the script, just supply the correct lines. Scripts cannot be read perfectly with less than 90 in morporkian.written, but the quest can be completed with >80 in morporkian.spoken (minimum is likely 60). 

The Lancre Play
Lady Felmet - Do you fear him now? And he so mazed with drink?
Lady Felmet - Take his dagger, husband and you are a blade's width from the kingdom.
Duke Felmet - I dare not!
Lady Felmet - Who will know?
Lady Felmet - See, there is only eyeless night.
Lady Felmet - Do you fear him now? And he so mazed with drink?
Lady Felmet - Take his dagger, husband and you are a blade's width from the kingdom.
Duke Felmet - I dare not!
Lady Felmet - Who will know?
Lady Felmet - See, there is only eyeless night.
Lady Felmet - Take the dagger now, take the kingdom tomorrow.
Lady Felmet - Have a stab at it, man.
Duke Felmet - I have it, wife...
Duke Felmet - Is this a dagger I see before me?
Lady Felmet - Of course it's a bloody dagger.
Lady Felmet - Come on, do it now. The weak deserve no mercy.
Lady Felmet - We'll say he fell down the stairs!
Duke Felmet - But people will suspect!
Lady Felmet - Are there no dungeons? Are there no pilliwinks?
Lady Felmet - Possession is nine parts of the law, husband, when what you possess is a knife.
Duke Felmet - I cannot! He has been kindness itself to me!
Lady Felmet - And you can be Death itself to him...
Lady Felmet - Take the dagger now, take the kingdom tomorrow.
Lady Felmet - Have a stab at it, man.
Duke Felmet - I have it, wife...
Duke Felmet - Is this a dagger I see before me?
Lady Felmet - Of course it's a bloody dagger.
Lady Felmet - Come on, do it now. The weak deserve no mercy.
Lady Felmet - We'll say he fell down the stairs!
Duke Felmet - But people will suspect!
Lady Felmet - Are there no dungeons? Are there no pilliwinks?
Lady Felmet - Possession is nine parts of the law, husband, when what you possess is a knife.
Duke Felmet - I cannot! He has been kindness itself to me!
Lady Felmet - And you can be Death itself to him...

Mallo, the Tyrant of Klatch
Mallo - How long must a man lie in the earth before he rots?
Omnian priest - According to the Book of Om while the body rots the man himself will continue on!  Though the body lasts but seven plus one years...
Mallo - Why does the man continue on??
Omnian priest - Tis said the soul passes onto the hells, where it is purified until it may enter the heavens...
Mallo - I... Er... Found this skull, how old is it?
Omnian priest - Why would I know that?  I am a priest not a grave digger!
Mallo - I found it in that grave over there?  Whose is it?
Omnian priest - Alas!  Poor Maurice!
Mallo - I dug him well!
Omnian priest - Grave robber!
Mallo - He was a mime, here hung those lips he never used.
Omnian priest - He did use to paint a white mask an inch thick of grease paint!
Omnian priest - Begone from my chapel sir, and take that skull with you! 

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"Quiet Leader", in which you tried to rehabitualise a menace to society. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Quiet Leader

Find the mime artist that wanders around Ankh-Morpork, and lead him to the back entrance of the Opera house on the north side of Pseudopolis Yard.

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"Soft-Soled", in which you made old toes happy. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Soft-Soled

In the watch house on the south side of Pseudopolis yard, go to the locker room on the south side of the east-west corridor at ground-level.  "get boots from locker" and head to east end of the corridor and go upstairs.  Go west a few times, then north and east.  Give the boots to Vimes, and he'll tell you if he wants a different pair.  Most other types of boots can be found by searching in a pile underneath one of the Ankh bridges, and one can be bought at the Assassins' Guild or maybe Thieves' Guild.

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"Stage Handy", in which you propped up the performance. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Stage Handy

Go to the backstage area of the Dysk Theatre, and find Vitoller.  

Say "help" to trigger the quest and say "help" again if you need reminding what item you need to get.

He'll ask you to fetch various items from around the MUD, and pay you for them when you bring them.  You will usually have an hour or so before you can no longer give the item to him.

Its recommended to search for the item on Quow's Mud Search: https://quow.co.uk/cow.php

You have to do this at least 5 times.

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"Trophy Hunter", in which you left a creature out in the cold. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Trophy Hunter

This is a very easy quest if you do it when your guild level is very low.  Go to the fur shop on the east side of God's Collar, and go to the east room upstairs.  "search table" and take the key downstairs and all the way west.  "move boxes" then go west and offer to help the furrier.  The pelts he asks for depend on your guild level.  If your guild level goes up in the middle of the quest, he'll change the requirements to a harder animal.  He'll need 5 pelts. Be sure to ask him about the payment afterwards, as he'll drop $30-40 AM and a valuable, but damaged, piece of fur clothing.

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Morpork quests

"Bar Brawl Champion", in which you defeated the Mended Drum's splatter in not so single combat. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Bar Brawl Champion

Go to the Mended Drum on the north end of Short street and start fighting splatter.  If he dies while still in combat with you (even if you're not in the room), you'll get the quest.

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Eastern Morpork quests

"Apprentice Baker", in which you helped a baker keep up with demand. (Quest level 6)

Discworld quest page for Apprentice Baker

Skills: 100 crafts.culinary.baking bonus absolute minimum to ever succeed.
You need: 10+ dried frog powder (apothecary on Prouts just north of Apothecary Gardens)
Go to Argle's bakery on the south end of Baker Street and "apply for a job".  Argle will list possible values for each of a couple ingredients twice, but you can get more possible values by saying "instructions" a few times. Go south into the kitchen.  Write down those values he listed (usually 3 or 4 scoops flour, 1 or 2 pourings of water, 1 or 2 pinches of salt, variable amount of goo, and always just 1 pinch dried frog).  The commands are:
scoop flour into stove
pour water from sink into stove (you may need to "pump water into sink" first)
pour goo into stove
sprinkle salt in stove
place frog in stove
pull lever on stove
Repeat each ingredient depending on how much of each you want in the recipe, using Argle's suggestions as a starting point. You can make this task easy for yourself by drawing up a table on paper of each of your tries and the results yes, be scientific. Take heed of what comes out of the oven because say if it "lacks bulk" you need more flour, if it's dry or brittle you need more water, if it has salt crystals you need less salt. If it has been "inexpertly baked" you failed the skill check so you need to try again with the same ingredients until you pass the skill check (it's a bit random).  It is a good idea to bury the stuff that comes out of the stove as soon as you've examined it so you don't get confused. Keep going, doing a guess and check routine based on your table and when you get bread, go north and give it to the baker.  You receive AM$10 when quest is complete.
Too much flour: It looks quite bulky.
Too much salt: You can see salt crystals on it.
Too little flour: It looks a bit thin though as if it's missing some bulk.
Too little goo: It is crumbling a little.
Too much water: no message (but not a "loaf of bread" yet either)

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"Apprentice Tanner", in which you kept an odd man from getting stuck. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Apprentice Tanner

Buy a thimble from the odds and ends shop on the eastern side of Plaza of Broken Moons and go to the tannery, on the northwest side of the Plaza.  Give Griffith the thimble, and you might get a few levels of crafts.materials.tanning or crafts.materials.leatherwork.  Griffith seems to get rid of his thimbles fairly often (either after each time the quest is done or after each room respawn (30-60 minutes), so this quest is actually possible to do now.

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"Auriental Arithmetician", in which you figured it out and wrote it down. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Auriental Arithmetician

Skills: 60 agatean.spoken
Skills: agatean.written - unclear what the minimum is, but confirmed to work (at least sometimes) at level 71
Skills: 180+ bonus in crafts.arts.calligraphy.
Items: pieces of paper to write on (chapbook pages, odds and ends on east side of Plaza of Broken Moons).
Go to the Salt Shaker on the southeast end of Upper Broadway, near the Pepper Pot.  In the ground level flat is a family of Agateans. The children have the Agatean words for the numbers one through ten as names.  While speaking Agatean, say the corresponding number to four different children (ie - "sayto ichi one"). The fourth child should then ask you (in Agatean) to write his or her name.  Write the word for that number (ie - "one", without quotes) in Agatean on a piece of paper using the calligraphy brush and inkwell from the bedroom to the north.  If the calligraphy is neat ("simple", "neat", etc) enough, give the paper to the child to get the quest. Failing the written or calligraphy skill check may both display the same failure message.

Ichi - one
Ni - two
San - three
Shi - four
Go - five
Roku - six
Nana - seven
Hachi - eight
Kyuu - nine
Zyuu - ten

You can simply say different numbers to each child until you get it right. The first three children may or may not let you know when you have gotten their names right; there is no penalty for continuing to say numbers to the child, though.

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"Belt Buckler", in which you made a useful item of apparel. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Belt Buckler

Items: a leather strip from the odds and ends shop on the east side of Plaza of Broken Moons.
Items: a buckle of any value from Rendtnor's jewellery shop on the northeast end of the Plaza.
Skills: 100 bonus in crafts.materials.leatherworking.
"attach" the buckle to the strip to make a belt.  That's it.

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"Bethan's Buddy", in which you helped out a busy wife. (Quest level 5)

Discworld quest page for Bethan's Buddy

In the second house south on the west side of Vagabond Street in Ankh-Morpork you will find Bethan. Say that you will 'help' her and then say 'no'. She'll tell you to bring her toilet paper, dentures, and hot water.  The roll of toilet paper is in a nearby house on Vagabond street. For the dentures, go to the dentists in the Flintwick Building.  Wait around a while and the dentist will eventually come out.  Say that 'Cohen needs dentures' and he will give you a voucher. For the cup of water, go to the kitchen of the gingerbread cottage in Skund Forest, north of the intersection going northeast to Hillshire and southeast to Pekan Ford.  Give all three items to Bethan, either one at a time or all at once.  The edible house is no longer in a dangerous area (no wolves).

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"City Explorer", in which you discovered ancient machinery under the city. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for City Explorer

Outside of the Magic Emporium on the east side of Sator Square, "lift disc" then immediately go "down" before the lid comes crashing down.  It might take a few tries.  "leave" to get out again.

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"Courageous Courier", in which you brought glory to the Ankh-Morpork Postal Service. (Quest level 6)

Discworld quest page for Courageous Courier

Go to the Post Office on Widdershins Broadway and go to the room east of where the Dead Letters are and say "help" or "details".  Say "yes" when he asks if you're up for it, then say "hard" when he asks if you want the easy or hard parcel.  Deliver it to three random locations that can be seen by "read"ing the parcel, all of which will be outside of Ankh-Morpork.  You'll get $100.

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"Courteous Visitor", in which you received a reward for asking nicely. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Courteous Visitor

Go to the Hall of Heroes in the Apex club on the south end of Esoteric Street and say "please, Miss Turrel, may I please have a ticket to the hall of heroes please" to get a free ticket.

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"Deputy Deliverer", in which you saved Ankh-Morpork from a horrible draught. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Deputy Deliverer

Go to the wine lounge in the Flaming Cabbage on Blood Alley. Claire A. Botel shows up there regularly to make her deliveries.  Occasionally she'll miss a barrel and need some help with that.  Say something like "I'll help you deliver the barrel" and she will give you a wine voucher. 
Go find Boare in the Wine Warehouse on Prouts, and give him the voucher. He'll give you a barrel of wine, which you need to take back to the Flaming Cabbage and "deliver" in the wine lounge.

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"Distant Exhibitionist", in which you went the distance of displaying feelings. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Distant Exhibitionist

You have to have done the SENTIMENTALIST quest first.  Go to the Temple of Small Gods, then go east from the fountain all the way, then south to Florette the bunny rabbit. Go southwest from there and "gather carrot" until you get a carrot. Go back to Florette, "feed" her the carrot, "pet" her, and say "Florette is a good girl!"

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"Dog Gone Emancipator", in which you found a shocking way to kill a foul torturer. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Dog Gone Emancipator

Skills: Decent combat and/or healing abilities (this poodle can kill n00bs)
Go the house south off of God Street with a poodle in the living room.  Kill the poodle, take the corpse upstairs, and "give" the corpse to Bertha.  I think the husband gives you some money after Bertha dies, so stick around a bit.

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"Down to Earth", in which you brought'em up to get'im down. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Down to Earth

Items: a few beers
Go to the Salt Shaker on the southeast end of Upper Broadway, next door to the pepper pot.  Go upstairs all the way, the "climb" or "enter" hole to get onto the roof.  A simple "up" command also works even though this is not an obvious exit.  Give the beers to the dwarf up there, on at a time, until he leaves.

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"Expert Balancer", in which you discovered how to weigh things using powers of three. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Expert Balancer

Go to the Post Office on Widdershins Broadway. "figure" to start the quest, which will cause a coloured weight to be moved to the left pan.  Here's my system:
1. move very large weight from middle pan to right pan
if right pan dips down: move very large weight to middle pan 
2. move large weight to right pan 
if right pan dips down:  move large weight to middle pan
3. move medium weight to right pan
if right pan dips down: move medium weight to middle pan
4. move small weight to right pan
if right pan dips down: move small weight to middle pan
5. move very small weight to right pan
if right pan dips down: move very small weight to middle pan
However, at this point you might have several weights on the right pan, and the left pan is still hanging lower.  Take note of the biggest weight you have on the right pan, and move the next bigger weight to the right pan as well.  Take what is now your second-largest weight that's in the right pan and move it to the left pan.  If the left pan tips lower, move that same weight to the middle pan.  If the left pan is still lower, move it back to the right pan.  Repeat with each next smaller weight, one a time, until you find out the weight.  "figure" and balance two more times to get the quest.

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"Explorer Extraordinaire", in which you discovered a whole new area. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Explorer Extraordinaire

Reqs: Completion of the Keen Observer quest, and greater than 200 bonus for ad.perception is needed: minimum levels require further research.

Locate the underground areas below the Dolly Sisters Watch House. From the dusty attic where you end up after, move the bed. You need to pass a perception skill (min level?) check in order to move it. Take a look at the helmets, pushing them over. This brings you down into the underground where there is no way out other than completing the quest. Go to the far end of the underground corridor to a large hall with a deep hole with copper bar in it. Hold on to the bar tight (if it's not tight you'll fall off!), and jump down the hole. Jumping down the hole without holding on tight is rather painful (ca 1500 hp loss). If you are holding on tight, you'll slide down the bar and get the quest.

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"Finder Not Keeper", in which you was honest with others' property. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Finder Not Keeper

You need to find 10 items registered by another player with the Lost Property Office on the Street of Cunning Artificers, and turn them in at the same location.  With the relaxed multiplaying rules, you can probably use an alt to help you out if you can't find a friend to do it.

"Lost" items are also sold at certain player shops in their quest categories and you have to deposit an item one by one if you have a collection of lost items

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"Fish Fingered", in which you gave a friend a fishy face. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Fish Fingered

Buy a LARGE fish from the fish shop on Street of Cunning Artificers. Find Carrot wandering around AM and "slap" him with the fish. You'll get some jail time.

He may try to arrest you afterwards, so if you don't want to fight him you should "give up".

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"Flower Powered", in which you gained a botanical boost to social status. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Flower Powered

Items: $31
Buy 31 flowers at Bernitas Flower Shop on Treacle Street.  You don't need to send them to anyone or add a note to them.

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"Future Diviner", in which you received a glimpse of future events. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Future Diviner

Go to the pier on the south side of Zoo Park and "search planks".  You should find a Caroc Card.  Go to the south side of Unreal Estate and into a hut there.  Go south until you're in the room with the fortune teller, and give her the card.

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"Gatherer of Fluff", in which you supplied a considerable quantity of fluffy material. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Gatherer of Fluff

Put fluffy things on Gufnork's low altar on the Street of Small Gods.  You need either a total weight of fluffy things or a total value of fluffy things.  Probably weight.  The fastest way to do this is with fluffy cloaks.  Fluffy towels also work, and the priestess in the Gufnork temple usually has one or two fluffy items on her, and frequently gets killed by Kess so there might be stuff lying around the temple.  If all else fails, find a friend with the "summon fluff" ritual. (see Research)

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"Gemmy's Mate", in which you fetched a simple tool for a nice old man. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Gemmy's Mate

Items: a shoe horn from the odds and ends store on the east side of Plaza of Broken Moons
Go to the shed on the south side of Widdershins Broadway, and wait for Codger to show up.  Give him the shoe horn.

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"Green Tongue", in which you broke a witch's spell. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Green Tongue

Look for a wandering green frog in AM and kiss it.  It's often near Dragon's Landing.

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"Handyman", in which you gave a lady a new outlook. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Handyman

On God street theres a large house with Sophie Stibbons upstairs. Go down, search the fireplace a room will be revealed and go west. In this room there’s a tin of rust removal, get it and go back to Stibbons. "repair" the taps, then "turn" them to get water and finally you must dampen the cloth you were given and clean the window 'clean window'. Rinse and repeat a few times until the window is clean.

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"Handyperson", in which you disproved a long standing myth. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Handyperson

Items: oil can from odds and ends store on east side of Plaza of Broken Moons
Go just inside the Assassins' Guild courtyard and "oil" the hinges.

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"Hearts Tendered", in which you journeyed to the heart of sacrifice. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Hearts Tendered

Put 250 human hearts on the low altar in the southeast corner of the Sek Temple on Street of Small Gods.  They decay rather quickly, so go back to the altar once they stop looking fresh.  It doesn't matter if you do them one at a time or in groups.

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"Keen Observer", in which you saw something overlooked by most. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Keen Observer

Search the desk in the prison area of the Dolly Sisters watch house to acquire a doorknob. Go upstairs to the room with Lance-Constable Cryolite and go east.

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"Knowledge Seeker", in which you joined a secret brotherhood. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Knowledge Seeker

Outside of Rendtnor's jewellery shop on the northeast side of Plaza of the Broken Moons, "search" until you find a shifty person (you don't need any skills to find her), who will give you a stone medallion.  Wear the medallion and go inside the house on Bitwash Street and say "only when it hunts", then go south when the door unlocks.  There's a scrying room you can use within for a small fee.

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"Maintainer of the Balance", in which you visited justice to the extremes. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Maintainer of the Balance

Items: A light source
Skills: Decent fighting skills
Go to the centre of Sandelfon's Temple off the north end of Street of Small Gods.  In the room with the high alter go "down" to enter the maze.  Wander around for a while and keep an eye out for persons and similar creators.  Kill them, and when they die they'll turn into a crystal.  You'll need 5 crystals, of any colour.  To get back out, always choose the last exit listed in the room until you get to the "up" exit, and go back up there.  Go to the low altar in the Sandelfon Temple, and put the crystals on it.  Putting the crystals on the altar -might- change your alignment.   research If this has been marked on a page, it's because there was something that probably isn't known, that the person who edited the page thinks could be found out. Perhaps you could figure this thing out, and be famous evermore. 
(see Research)

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"Natty Dresser", in which you paid fair and square for sartorial repairs. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Natty Dresser

Put damaged clothing on Gapp's low altar in his temple on Street of Small Gods.  Getting the quest is probably based on the amount of GP you spend, not the number of items.  A good way to get damaged clothing is by looting corpses or searching.

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"Pigeon Fancier", in which you fancied some pigeons. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Pigeon Fancier

Grab a shovel (the Job Market's shop sells them) and some food (like a bread roll from Baker Street). Go up to the roof of the main post office at God and Widdershins, and all the way to the pigeon hut. You'll need minimal fighting.melee.misc - a 68 bonus works. If you fail this skillcheck, you'll lose about 100hp, so take care. Hold the shovel, "scrape guano with shovel", pet the pigeon, then feed the food to the pigeon.

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"Plumber's Mate", in which you brought some ancient machinery back to life. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Plumber's Mate

Items: #5 brush from Plumber's Guild on Pleader's Row
Items: oil can from odds and ends shop on the east end of the Plaza of Broken Moons
Items: orange tablet (Drayne Cleaner) from the Alchemists' Guild Shop on Street of Alchemists
Items: stuff that has weight (rocks are available "get cobble" from room above)
Go into the hole on the east end of Sator Square (see CITY EXPLORER quest) with the above items, and do the following:
1) "unclog" the holes in the trough (clean trough using brush)
2) "charge" the trough with the oil
3) "clean" the counterweight with the orange tablet (dissolve tablet in counterweight) 
4) put items on the pannier
There are two panniers, and looking at the machinery or some such should indicate how low they can dip before they empty.  Look at the panniers frequently to see if either is getting to low.  If it is, take some weight off of that pannier or put a weight on the other pannier.  If you keep the panniers balanced well enough to fill the buckets quite a bit, when they empty they'll flush out some clog and you get the quest.

You can "look balance" to see how level the counterweight and reservoir are, if they're within a couple of inches then do nothing, wait for some more water to flow, then look again. For smaller adjustments use the fungus on the floor rather than cobbles. Note that the output from "look balance" lists the panniers in reverse-order, the reservoir is the left pannier.

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"Proficient Horticulturalist", in which you grew a very special flower for a nameless man. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Proficient Horticulturalist

First you need to find the Rose Seller.  This is easiest during the day time when he's at his house on the northwest end of Washer Way.  At night he wanders around selling roses at taverns and restaurants.  Say something about "special roses" and he'll give you some seeds.  You may want to say it again to get more seeds now, instead of tracking him down later.  Go to the greenhouse attached to his house and "search" the boxes repeatedly until it says there's no interesting packets left.  Keep the packets in the room (don't bury).  

The colour of fertiliser you need depends on the fullness of the rose he wants. The effect of the fertiliser on the fullness (very single, single, semi-double, double, very double, extreme double) changes with every person. The colours are Black, Brown, Green, Grey, Ochre and Yellow.

The texture of the fertiliser determines how thorny (unarmed, somewhat thorny, thorny, quite thorny, very thorny, armed, viciously thorny), however which texture produces which thorns is also random for each person doing the quest. The textures are Coarse, Fine, Glittery, Grainy, Powdery, Rough and Soft.

"Plant" the seed in a pot, then "fertilise my planted rose" with the appropriate colour of fertiliser, then "fill" the watering can from the tap and "water my planted rose". After being watered, it takes about 5 minutes (RW) to see what type of rose has grown.
Look at the pot periodically and eventually the rose will grow and it won't say that it's recently been watered, meaning it's time to water again, depending on the rose size you need.  Each watering will make the rose grow bigger.

If it's got the wrong fullness or amount of thorns, pluck it ("pluck my rose") and start again with a different fertiliser colour or texture. There are 6 colours but 7 texture options that can be every combination for the fertiliser. 

When it's the right size, "pluck" your rose and give it to the rose seller.  It will probably take quite a few visits to find the right texture, hence the extra seeds will probably be needed.  Keep searching intermittently when you can.

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"Public Informer", in which you found a way to get the message across. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Public Informer

Items: $50
Go to the town cryer's office on the southwest end of Turnwise Broadway and go into the next room.  Fund 50 days worth of messages. Funding your own message costs $1/day and another player's messages costs $2/day. Spending 50 dollars on another players' message does not give the quest, but 25 days on another player's message and 25 days on your own message appears to work. The cheapest way to complete the quest is to fund your own message for 50 days.

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"Sentimentalist", in which you demonstrated a little control over expression. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Sentimentalist

Go to Roger on north side of the corridor inside the Patrician's Palace on Turnwise Broadway.  When prompted, "lsay merus in pectum et in aquama", and "bing excitedly roger".  This will give you the "emote" command.

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"Spring Artificer", in which you put a spring in your step. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Spring Artificer

Items: 1 swamp dragon (Dragon Shop on Morphic Street just off Dock Street - $40 minimum)
Items: coal (in the dish on the counter of the rock shop on Quarry Street
Go to the house on Street of Cunning Artificers, at the intersection with Bitwash Street.  "tug wood" then "enter window" to get inside.
Go upstairs.
In the ideas room 'search bin' to get a piece of scrunched up paper:
 It has a diagram drawn on it, and some scribbled writing.
 You read the piece of scrunched up paper:
 Poegoe Sticke
 
 Slide a pole into a spring.  Bolt the pole to the spring.  Weld a crossbar to the pole.  Bounce up and down!

Get the metal pole from the bedroom and "search mattress" for a spring in the bedroom as well.
Go up to the attic. In the attic "search small box" twice to get a nut and a bolt. Also in the attic "pull" the crossbar off the bicycle.
Then "slide pole into spring", and "bolt spring onto pole with bolt and nut".
Feed the coal to your dragon, and after it eats it, "weld" the crossbar to the pole with the dragon.

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"Upbeat Enforcer", in which you gave a musician a good beat. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Upbeat Enforcer

Go to Leonard Flood in Musician's Guild on Baker Street and say "help".  Find Mesa Boogie wandering around AM, say you're an enforcer with the guild, and use hostile soul commands (shove, slap, punch, etc) on him until he drops the entire $10 and pick it up.  Go back to Leonard Flood.  DO NOT GIVE HIM MONEY.  Say that you want to pay Mesa's fee.  Also note that if you just say you want to pay the fee without having gotten it from Mesa, you won't get the quest (but you will still be out ten dollars).

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"Valued Customer", in which you were a faithful customer of a jeweller's. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Valued Customer

Items: $25-$30
Go to Rendtnor's jewellery shop on the northeast side of Plaza of Broken Moons and spend $25 or more on jewellery.  I think you then get a discount when repairing jewellery there, but it isn't free any more.

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"Very, Very Lucky", in which you had incredible luck and beat the odds. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Very, Very Lucky

Go to the Musicians' Guild on Baker Street and ask Loz Lipton about his plectrum/if he needs help.  He will describe a plectrum color and design.  Go north, west, and "search carpet" every half hour or so until you find the right plectrum and feel very lucky.  Give the plectrum to Loz.

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"Warming Savior", in which you saved someone from an almost certain icy death. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Warming Savior

Go to the Butchers' Guild off the Street of Alchemists opposite the Thieves Guild and enter the room with the locked door in the northwest wall. "Lift lever" and have the other guy go northwest into the freezer while you wait outside. When the latch falls after a bit, lift the lever to release the other guy.

WARNING: the person in the freezer can die if left inside a long time. This appears to take about 18 minutes.

You can also use npcs like a fruitbat or a sheep shearer instead of asking a player.

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Alchemists' Guild quests

"Cadaver Corroder", in which you burned the life back in. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Cadaver Corroder

Items: lemons, a few at a time or pickle them (fruit shop on baker street, colourful stall on Market Street, fruit stall in Djelibeybi bazaar, fruit store on Garlic Street in Djelibeybi)
Items: rat corpses (search streets, plenty on sold part of Ankh River, or kill a few at a time in Rattigan's house on Contact Walk, or the Pepper Pot located near the intersection of Upper Broadway and Endless Street)

The first thing to do is go to the Alchemists' Guild on Street of Alchemists.  On the first floor above ground level is a classroom with Bradley Weiss in it.  Say "regurgitator" to get instructions and then say "learn" to start listing the acid you need, then "search shelves" repeatedly, but don't go AFK or anything because cockroaches sometimes crawl out of the shelves and into your ears.  Ugh. You can dodge them, but if they find their way into your ears, "shake" a few times and kill the roaches before they crawl back in. You can dodge them at around 300 dodge bonus.  You also might get hit with spilled acid when you search, but you can dodge this with decent bonus. It is recommended to buy some newbie healing tea, etc to handle the spilled acid which damages you over time. As well, if you forget what colour of acid you need to search for, just say "acid" for Bradley to remind you.

Keep searching until you basically have vials or bottles filled with acids (you can open bottles or open vials and then look bottles and look vials to see if they contain acid and what colour it is) that are at least 10 different colours.  Store them in a useful pack or satchel, then go get a few lemons and rat corpses from a source listed above. For the first few attempts, Bradley will tell you to use specific acid colours, so do as he says.  They won't succeed of course, but you have to go through the motions for this quest.

The commands are:
 attach corpse to harness
 attach lemon to apparatus
 pour vial into dish
 flick switch
After doing the acids Bradley lists, you'll need to do another five or so to get the quest.  At some point in the process, a giant rat dog might appear, and either try to eat you or become your pet.  Oookay.

^ Return to the table of contents.

"Corn Popper", in which you helped a student ruin his future career. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Corn Popper

Items: glass of milk (from the Mended Drum bar or drink shop on Attic Bee - be sure to get it from the counter)
Items: 2-3 cobs of corn (fruit shop on Baker street, fruit and vegetables store on Elm street - scrape off the kernels)
Items: vial or bottle of Better Butter Base (searching the shelves in Bradley's classroom)

Go to the room in the Alchemists' Guild on Street of Alchemists that has a Buttery machine in it.  "pour" the glass of milk into the buttery, "pour" the vial or bottle of butter base into the buttery, then "turn" the handle on the buttery.  Get the butter from the butter.  Put the butter and all of the corn kernels into the Banger, and CLOSE IT.  "light" the fuse on the banger, then open it and get the grains from the banger.

Find Neelie Awkside, usually on Street of Alchemists or nearby, and give him the banged grains (remember to type give grains to Neelie or give banged grains to Neelie, just typing give bag to Neelie won't work).  He requires a certain amount all at once, so be sure you're doing at least 2 cobs worth of corn, 3 if possible.

^ Return to the table of contents.

"Midas In Reverse", in which you turned gold into gold, more or less. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Midas In Reverse

Items: AM$100-200
Look for Scrooge on the second floor in the Alchemists' Guild on the Street of Alchemists.  Say "yes" and he'll tell you to fetch several ingredients:
 1) chalk (white pebble - available in Alchemists Guild shop)
 2) slate (grey pebble) available from the troll vendor on Quarry Lane
 3) cinnabar (red pebble) available from the troll vendor on Quarry Lane
 4) flint, available from rock shop on Qarry Lane as a black mineral rock or the wood shed to the east and a little to the south of the rock shop as a flint stone
 5) an ore, available from the shop on the ground floor of the Alchemists' Guild
 6) an acid, available from the shelves one floor down in Bradley's classroom.  He won't say the acid colour, but call it by its proper name.  So you need to go to the library nearby in the Guild and "research" until you find a scrap of paper that indicates the acid colour for that substance.  If he asks for nitrate, you'll need bat guano from a pooping fruitbat, and batsup from the acid shelves.  Then use the nitrolator in the Guild to form nitrate out of them.
 7) a vial of something available by searching the storage closet nearby in the Guild 
 8) Various amounts of gold coins, either Rhinu or from a money changer.  This might be $100-$200 worth, taking exchange rates into account.

Give him each item as he asks for it, to get him to ask for the next.  After giving him the gold, he'll either turn it into more gold or platinum coins, or give you fewer coins than you gave him. 

^ Return to the table of contents.

"Slimy Saviour", in which you went on a slimy adventure. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Slimy Saviour

Skills: ad.perception <137 (the command "watch high" can give you a little boost)
Lerd Ors in the Coin Pitt has lost a rare coin from his collection and wants you to help look for it.  From outside the Coin Pitt, head southeast then south to an abandoned house and then down to enter the cellar.  In the cellar, "search pool" will yield a slimy coin (if you don't find the coin, your perception is too low). The coin must then be cleaned using a cleaning tray from Coin Corner and some acid which can be found by searching various shelves in the Alchemists' Guild ("pour vial into tray", "clean slimy coin with tray"). When the coin is cleaned, it can be returned to Lerd Ors.

N.B. This quest can now be completed without visiting the Alchemists' Guild at all. You can acquire Sulphuric Acid by visiting the Hatchet and Entrail tavern at the corner of Sticken Place and Elm Street; at time of writing it costs AM$3.12. Use the alternate wording "pour bottle into tray" before the usual "clean slimy coin with tray". Be mindful that the patrons of the Hatchet and Entrail may unexpectedly attack unprovoked, so ideally leave immediately after buying the acid and complete the cleaning process outside or elsewhere.

^ Return to the table of contents.

"True Alchemist", in which you went out with a bang. (Quest level 6)

Discworld quest page for True Alchemist

Official info:
"Go to the laboratory on the top floor of the Alchemists' Guild, in the room with the amalgamator and Two-Fingers McKluskey. Pull six levers, then push the button to start a chemical reaction. Pay attention to the results to determine how close your combination of chemicals is to what is required to blow up the guild. A bigger explosion means you have more chemicals in the proper order relative to each other. The quantities that are dispensed by one pull of a lever isn’t enough to cause a reaction by itself, but that might change with larger quantities. Any chemicals that don't react with their current neighbours during a reaction may cause adverse side effects. To find out which effects are produced by which chemicals, research in the Alchemists' Guild library. Each chemical only reacts with the chemicals immediately above or below it, hence order of chemicals relative to each other is essential. Multiple explosions can also result, when appropriate."

Walkthrough:

Go the room with the Central Amalgamator up two flights of stairs in the Alchemists' Guild.  The combination is reset every time the building explodes, and no one gets their own unique combo. So 2 people working on it at the same time are working toward the same combo.  The combination doesn't seem to reset if the building explodes of its own accord.

So, 10 levers in the room, 6 levers must be pulled with each attempt. Every time you pull 6 levers then hit the big button, you will get two types of results. The first is one or more explosions (or lack thereof) of chemicals in the right order relative to each other, and the second is the side effect from a random chemical that did not react.

The side effects are annoying and slow things, especially the blinding and hallucinating effects, which make you pull random levers. Do not trust any results while under these conditions, best to wait them out.

You can leave the room before side effects appear, but Two-fingers McKluskey (NPC who configures the machine) can't, and he'll get damaged. It's possible that he can die, so watch his health and heal him as needed. To minimize damage and delay, don't wear clothes if possible (one of the effects mimics the Searing Touch ritual) and bring healing wand (you can heal McKluskey) and/or healing tea.  If you're quick, and leave the room before or immediately after the text that shows the side effect, you can avoid getting hit by it. 

Lever 1: shiny blue powder - Headache Mist (get a migraine)
Lever 2: fluorescent lime powder - Nauseating Light (vomiting/farting)
Lever 3: silver metallic powder - Blinds You (*you will pull random levers while blind*)
Lever 4: pitch black powder - Colourful (people turn colourful)
Lever 5: bone white powder - Invisibility (people turn invisible)
Lever 6: diarrhoea brown powder - Squeaky (like eating guano)
Lever 7: blood red powder - Fire Belch (items of clothing smoulder like Searing Touch)
Lever 8: bright puce powder - Hypnotic colours/hallucinate (*you pull random levers*)
Lever 9: dull orange powder - Chemicals Ignite (doesn't really do anything)
Lever 10: glowing yellow powder - Poisonous Gas (room fills with damage-inflicting gas for a while)

The little explosions tell you how many chemicals you have in the right order, and if you have more than 1 set of chemicals in the right order. The explosion messages are:

No combination of chemicals are in the right order:
A small puff of smoke comes from the ingredients in the central cylinder. The watching students laugh at you.

One pair of chemicals in the right order:
There is a brief low-level flash and a few puffs of smoke from the ingredients in the cylinder.
The students snigger at you.

One triplet of chemicals in the right order:
There is a small flash of light and a small cloud of smoke rises from the ingredients in the cylinder.
The students look as if they are about to run, but then merely look nonchalant as they realise nothing is going to happen.

One quadruplet of chemicals in the right order:
There is a small flash of light and a small cloud of smoke rises from the ingredients in the cylinder.
You and everyone else in the room are knocked over onto the floor.

One quintuplet of chemicals in the right order:
Suddenly there is a huge bang, and a shockwave of noise from the chamber, causing many of the rivets to fire off with a loud 'PING!'.
A couple of students who were standing too close hold their heads in pain as blood streams from their ears.
This makes everyone "shocked and confused", as with a backstab, with stat penalties.

All chemicals in the right order: BOOM!
The whole lab begins to rumble ominously, causing the students to flee immediately.
There is an enormous explosion as one of the vats blows up in a shower of deadly shrapnel, which is quite unfortunate for those brave students who did not choose to run.

Don't leave the room on success. You'll end up on top of the Tower of Art with a diamond, a lump of gold, and a broken leg.  (If you're carrying enough things, the addition of the diamond, lump of gold, and Creator Collector Card in your inventory can cause you to fumble things in midair and lose them.)

Damage when succeeding seems to be a percentage of your total hit points.  If you aren't damaged when you get the right combination, you won't die.

There can be multiple reactions per combination. If we had the target combination of 147784 for example, the following attempts would give the following results:
141414 - 3 pairs
747877 - 2 pairs
877777 - 1 triplet
877141 - 1 triplet and 1 pair
487741 - Quest accomplished

So chemicals usually don't have to be in the same order or in the same position (2nd from left, etc) to get a reaction, they just have to be in the right order relative to each other. However, it seems that occasionally they will need to be in a specific order to get the full reaction--trying a known pair at the beginning of the combination, followed by every possible option may yield only pair reactions, while trying the same pair at the end of the combination reveals the triplet. I.E.:
561111 - 1 pair
...
569999 - 1 pair
560000 - 1 pair
651111 - 1 pair
...
659999 - 1 pair
650000 - 1 pair
999965 - 1 triplet
597965 - Quest accomplished
(Actual example.)

I like the following system to find pairs (10 written as 0):
112233
445566
778899
001314
151617
181920
242526
272829
313435
363738
394041
etc

So after each combo, you jot down the results, and if there was a pair, you immediately try to find a third chemical adjacent to the pair. So if you try 112233 and immediately get the pair reaction, you can then narrow down which 2 numbers were the pair by trying 111111 222222 333333 121212 232323 until one reacts as a pair again. Except it should react as 3 pairs because you're repeating the correct pair 3 times.

So if 121212 shows three pairs, you know 12 (or 21) is in the target combination somewhere. Then you try to find the number(s) adjacent to 12. If 12 is at the beginning or end of the target combination, there will be only one adjacent number, otherwise there are two. So now you want to try 12 in combination with other numbers, such as:
331233
441244
551255
etc

Then when you get a triplet, such as from 332133, you test whether the 3 is next to the 2 or the 1:
321111
312222

So if 312222 gives the triplet, we know the triplet is 312, not 321. We then repeat the same process, now with the 312 triplet adjacent to other numbers, and so on.

This system should get the target combination in 15-30 minutes, depending on how lucky you are with side effects and the early combinations you try.

^ Return to the table of contents.

Western Morpork quests

"Accomplice", in which you were an accomplice in a burglary. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Accomplice

Items: 1 large satchel (shop on Ettercap Street, wandering AM wizards, wandering travellers on sto plains roads, bag shop in Djelibeybi)
In one of the houses on the western part of Elm Street there is a cat burglar busy stealing stuff but he needs a bigger bag to hold it. Give him the large satchel.

^ Return to the table of contents.

"Apprentice Campanologist", in which you made the bells ring out over the city. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Apprentice Campanologist

Skills: 100-115 minimum adventuring.movement.climbing.rope bonus, 100-125 minimum adventuring.acrobatics.balancing bonus.
Items: Tin of rust remover (see HANDYMAN quest)
Go inside the bell tower north from Five-Ways (intersection) in southwest AM.  "climb rope" in one of the rooms to get onto the beam, then go northeast.  You might see Hugo there if he hasn't fallen off.  Go to the part of the beam with the bell and "repair bell with tin" then "ring bell".  You might lose your balance a few times, so just heal up and try again until you get lucky. I think you need the basic guild-taught levels in vaulting to get handhold on the rope, kept failing with ad.mo.cl.rope bonus way above 115 until i advanced it.

^ Return to the table of contents.

"Apprentice Journalist", in which you defied authority and stepped up for freedom. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Apprentice Journalist

Find Sacharissa wandering around AM.  Say 'help' to her and she will give you a report and tell you to bring it to William de Worde, who is in the AM Times building off the north end of Gleam Street. When you give it to him he will ask you to find a matching picture for it, and to give the picture and report to Mr. Goodmountain who will print an article for it. Go downstairs in the AM Times building, and "search iconographs". You need to find the iconograph which matches the report ("read report").  Once you have this, go back to Mr. Goodmountain and give the report and the iconograph to him. He will make a print out of it and give it to you. Give this print to William de Worde to get the quest. You also get A$20.

^ Return to the table of contents.

"Bush Whacker", in which you beat around the bush. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Bush Whacker

Skills: 119 (less may work) adventuring.movement.climbing.rock bonus.
Go north as far as you can in the park off of Goose Gate Road in Ankh-Morpork. Then head east to enter the maze. From the frog, go E, SE, NE, S, NW, NE, SE, N, N, W, W, W, SE, W.  Climb the gate and you have completed the quest.

^ Return to the table of contents.

"Cat Reliever", in which you relieved some felines from relieving. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Cat Reliever

Items: wire cutters from the tool shop on Ettercap Street or from the Equipment Shoppe in the Job Market
Ironcrust's Bakery on Cable Street. Go into the back room east of the yard and search for the hidden east door. In here you will find cages full of cats. Use the wire cutters to "cut" wires, or "untwist" wires depending on which works for each wire.  You'll get a pet cat.

^ Return to the table of contents.

"Coin Collector", in which you proved yours was the best. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Coin Collector

Items: tatty old magazine, mahogany display case; both bought at Coin Corner.
Go to the Coin Pitt on The Pitts Inside the Coin Pitt find Urotho who will tell you that he wants to buy rare coin collections. Reading the magazine obtained from Coin Corner you will find a list of coins which will satisfy his needs. Buy a display case for the coins (any type will do). The shop sells all needed coins but won't have them all in stock all the time. When you have a complete collection return to Urotho and give him the whole collection to claim the quest (Note: the names from the magazine will not always match the names in the shop exactly; for example, a "very old Omnian obol" is sold in the shop as "an ancient Omnian obol").

^ Return to the table of contents.

"Daddy's Little Helper", in which you put an end to an old man's thirst. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Daddy's Little Helper

On the docks northeast of Cockbill Street and just west of Ankh Bridge, you'll find a pier with Pa Abigayle on it. He says he's thirsty. If you get him the drink he asks for, you'll get the quest.  Some of these are in the tented tavern a few rooms to the west.

^ Return to the table of contents.

"Electrick Marstar", in which you made a meal of the electrick. (Quest level 6)

Discworld quest page for Electrick Marstar

Skills: 100 crafts.culinary.cooking bonus, 70 crafts.culinary.butchering bonus
Items: sausage (All Hours Cafe on Dimwell Street)
Items: ground garlic (in the garden of Temple of Small Gods, witch gardens, Scrogden garden, or terrains outside Djelibeybi - Grind in a grinder in a witch's house)
Items: scumble (from any tavern)
Items: shot/measure glass (any nearby tavern)
Items: 1 bottle of beer (any nearby tavern)
Items: lard (tub in Gimlet's back room)
Items: flour (bag in Gimlet's back room)
Items: 1 bottle of water (fill from the sink in Ironcrust's Bakery)

Go to Thomas Eddiesson's house on Cable Street and: 
  "say Hey Igor. What is the recipe for fatsup? How would you make it?"
  "say What sort of spirit based alcohol alcoholic bribe would you like, Igor?"
  "bribe" the Igor upstairs with the scumble.

He'll give you a recipe that involves the items listed above.  First you need to mix those, then fix the stove afterward, when you're ready to cook.  Here's a step by step guide to mixing:
  search dresser
  get pan
  fill shot glass from water bottle
  pour shot glass into pan
  fill shot glass from beer
  pour shot glass into pan

Basically the beer has to be in a 1:1 ratio to the water.  As far as the amount, keep adding water and beer in the above ratios until the pan is about half full.  But the net result should be that the pan only has "watery beer" in it.  If you have too much of one liquid, it will look like "watery beer and water", which means you should add a little more beer.

Next:
  put a lot of ground garlic in pan
  get garlic from pan
This works because excess solid ingredients can be removed from the pan, unlike liquids.  You should now have only "garlicky watery beer" in your pan.

Next:
  put a lot of flour in pan
  get flour from pan
You should now have "beer and garlic gravy".

Next:
  put a lot of lard in pan
  get lard from pan
You should now have "greasy beer and garlic gravy".

Next:
  put sausages in slicer
  slice all in slicer
  get all from slicer
  put all sausages in pan
  get sausages from pan
This should give you "uncooked fatsup".

***TANGATHOR 03/28/11***
  (In addition to the above information, I found the solution for me included "Brandy" in a very minimal amount)
    I used-
      9 Shot Glasses of Water
      9 Shot Glasses of Beer
      12 Drops of Brandy (1/32 of a Phial (Buy a brandy, then "Fill phial 1/32 from Brandy")
      <add garlic, flour, and lard then remove>
      3-4 sausages (depending on the number of slices you get from the slicer...i added them 1 at a time then checked the pan to ensure it was all turning to "Uncooked Fatsup"
      as I was NOT able to remove sausage from the pan for some reason)
***Trickster 10/15/2023***
  I had trouble with the brandy and learned that buying a "small clear glass phial" and then trying "fill phial from brandy" and "pour phial into pan" provided the correct amount.
  After mixing everything, the result was "The old iron saucepan is about one-quarter full with two cups of congealed fatsup, mixed with many drops of brandy."
**************************

Next you need to fix the stove.
  "turn stove up" and it should indicate a faulty wire.
  "repair" that wire and keep trying until it's ready to cook.

Turn the stove up to 120 or so, and pay very close attention to messages indicating how fast the fatsup is cooking, and "check temp on stove".  If it's cooking too quickly, turn it down.  If it's cooking too slowly, turn it up.  You'll have to adjust the temperature at least a few times.

If you fail at the cooking, you'll get an icky mess and have to start over from the very beginning.

If you succeed in getting "congealed fatsup", give the pan to Thomas.  He'll give you a light bulb.

^ Return to the table of contents.

"Electrickally Marstered", in which you put yourself through pain to brew the perfect cup. (Quest level 7)

Discworld quest page for Electrickally Marstered

Skills: 190+ adventuring.movement.climbing.rock bonus
Skills: 161+ adventuring.movement.climbing.rope bonus 
Skills: 176+ adventuring.acrobatics.balancing bonus
(Note that you'll need much higher skills if you are too burdened.)

Items: copper stick (from the shelf in the Witch Cottage in Mad Stoat)
Time: Night (this allows the button to induce thunder and lightning)
Weather: medium cloud cover or more, gentle breeze was enough, no precipitations needed

Go to the clock tower north of the Five Ways intersection. "Look tubes" to make sure one hasn't burst recently from someone else doing the quest - if it is burst you have to wait until the room regens (30 minutes on average).

Go northeast, northwest, "move slab".  Go down and "push button" to make the weather nasty on the roof. This changes to weather in the pole room on the roof to be two levels more cloudy, more windy and cooler and torrential rain. This needs to be enough to make it a storm. See the weather and temperature pages for the levels.

Go back outside the tower and "climb up" twice, then "climb rope".  Go south and "climb up" again, then go north to the center of the roof.

With FULL HP "hold copper stick", "grasp pole", then "touch wire with stick".  If there's a thunderstorm on ("Peals of thunder and streaks of lightning rend the sky.") you will be struck by lightning, go flying off the roof and probably break a leg and end up with less than 5 hp.  It is possible to die from the lightning (this happened with full hp, at 1419 hp) instead of just falling off the roof.  If you die, your corpse ends up conveniently outside the tower.

Go back to the basement room, optionally set the dials and switches on the machine, and "pull lever". It should make some kind of coffee.  Note that having died from the lightning does not prevent you from finishing the quest--you can still go downstairs and pull the lever after getting ressed.

^ Return to the table of contents.

"Guide To The Undead", in which you helped someone begin anew. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Guide To The Undead

There is a "human zombie" somewhere wandering around Ankh-Morpork. This is a specific zombie, not the ones wandering around obsessing about brains.

He's been spotted on the southeast end of Dock Street April 2008, on Dock Street, outside the jewellery shop along the docks in April 2010.

Say "follow" and lead him to the Fresh Start Club in the eastern part of Elm Street.

To reach the Fresh Start Club, start from Elm Street outside the Mortuary, head west, then south, then up and then west again.

The Fresh Start Club is hidden, following the above directions will lead you to it.

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"Heart Of Gold", in which you comforted someone far from home. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Heart Of Gold

Items: Snowball ("make snowball" in a room where it is snowing. The snowy area doesn't have to be Ankh-Morpork)
In a house in the middle-ish bit of Quarry Lane go north into a kitchen.  You may need to "move" or "search" the rug, and go down into the basement.  There should be a troll there: if so, give him the snowball.

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"Kinky Shopper", in which you purchased some interesting (Know what I mean? Eh?) underwear. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Kinky Shopper

Items: $7.50
Go to the Martial Aids store on Heroes Street and "nudge" then "wink" at Number One Son. Then say "know what i mean?" and he'll give you a key and lead you into the secret room.  Buy one of the kinky items stocked there.

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"Master Potter", in which you helped a craftsman deliver his wares. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Master Potter

Skills: 80 crafts.pottery.forming.throwing bonus
Skills: 190 crafts.pottery.forming.shaping bonus
Skills: 101 crafts.pottery.glazing bonus
Skills: 107 crafts.pottery.firing bonus
Items: Maybe $10 if shaping skills are quite a bit higher than listed above, otherwise $50-100
After completing the POTTER'S FRIEND quest, make 5 plates and 5 bowls in the Potter's workshop on the north end of Cockbill Street.  Buy clay in the northern room, and the rest of the tools are available to use in the wheel room.  Steps:
1) "throw" the clay onto the wheel
2) unhold all
3) "mould" the clay into a plate or bowl
4) get the plate or bowl from the wheel
5) get and hold the brush
6) "glaze" the plate or bowl with the cochineal glaze
7) wait for the plate to dry (the glaze doesn't need to)
8) "fire" the plate or bowl (multiples can be done at the same time as well) in the kiln. The success message is "You select a shelf, carefully place a (item) in the kiln and adjust the air flow." and the failure message is "You put a (item) in the kiln.". If you get a failure message the item will explode, but you can get the item from the kiln while holding tongs and try to fire it again once it cools.
9) "check" items in the kiln until they're done.  There's no harm done leaving them in too long.
10) get and hold the tongs
11) get the items from the kiln and put them on the drying rack if you want them to cool faster
The plates & bowls have to be rustic, plain, pleasant, or fine for the potter to accept them.  The glaze can be as crappy as you like and the potter won't care.  Take the plates & bowls, some at a time or all at once, to the wandering potter and say "help" and then "assist".   Give him the plates and bowls and you'll get 1 shiny dollar for each.

^ Return to the table of contents.

"Matefinder", in which you helped a pair in a gender non-specific way. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Matefinder

Find Gritjaw Thighsplitter wandering in AM, usually in the section bordered to the north by Dock Street, to the west by Treacle Mine, to the south by Cheap Street, and to the east by Short Street and the Ankh River.  Say that you know his name is Graben, then say that Dia Shale sent you, then say that Dia said the marriage is approved.  You don't need to go to Creel Springs for this quest.

^ Return to the table of contents.

"Onna Rocks!", in which you lose a few stone to stop some trolls moan. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Onna Rocks!

Skills: a major skill branch (faith, covert, fighting, magic) higher than level 75
Items: a few dollars
If your skill branch is high enough, go to Mr. Cheese in the Bucket Inn on the northeast end of Gleam Street.

First be sure you have at least two names set in your finger info's Real Name e.g FirstName LastName. They can be fake names, anything other than your character name.

Say you want a job or offer to help.
He'll ask for your 'Roundworld' name. Respond with the Real Name you put in the finger info e.g. 'say firstname lastname'.
When he asks for your profession, say your class e.g. 'say wizard'.
When he asks about what you're good at, say the name of your highest major skill branch e.g. 'say magic'.

He'll tell you to bring him certain items:
sulphur (from Alchemists' Guild shop on Street of Alchemists)
gold (a gold ring will work)
silver (a silver ring will work or silver paint from Isle of Gods paint shop)
flint (bagel shop on Quarry Lane)
sandstone (Gimlet's on Cable Street)
cinnabar (red pebble from troll vendor rock shop on Quarry Lane)
iron ore (from Alchemists' Guild shop on Street of Alchemists)
lead ore (from Alchemists' Guild shop on Street of Alchemists)
copper ore (from Alchemists' Guild shop on Street of Alchemists)
micholite (purple mineral from Alchemists' Guild shop on Street of Alchemists)
quartz (rosy-quartz pink doughnut from Quarry Bagel Shop (rock bakery) on Quarry Lane)
granite (granite kebabs from Gimlet's on Cable Street)
slate (grey pebble from troll vendor or rock shop on Quarry Lane or slate grey paint from Isle of Gods paint shop)
chalk (white mineral rock from the Rock Shop on Quarry Lane)
ash (Filigree or Elm Street smithies, sweepable with a broom from Street of Small Gods smithy)
clay (potter shop on Cockbill Street)
lime (this is mineral lime - "grey pebble" from Mit-sin-bibh-khot's World of Rare Reagents, the shop in the IIL in DJB, works for this)
Bring them to Mr. Cheese and he'll give you an electrum link that can be rubbed.

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"Potter's Friend", in which you helped a craftsman continue his work. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Potter's Friend

Skills: 109+ crafts.carpentry.furniture bonus 
Items: a hammer (any sort, the tool shop on Ettercap Street sells several)
Items: three nails (odds and ends shop on east end of Plaza of Broken Moons)
Go to the pottery shop on the north end of Cockbill Street, hold the hammer, and "fix" the wheel with the nails.

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"Practical Joker", in which you doused a souse. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Practical Joker

Go to the XXXX shop just north of the west end of Filigree Street and buy a tin of beer.  Leave the shop "shake" the tin four times, until it says whoever opens it will have a frothy surprise.  Go back inside the shop and give the tin to Wozza.

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"Prolific Paster", in which you accomplished a sticky endeavour. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Prolific Paster

Go to the Dwarf Bread Museum and find Felicity.  Say "problem" and "I’ll put up the posters for you" and she'll then give you some posters and glue.  How many posters you need to put up depends on where you put them.  The lines at the end of the room descriptions are no indication (it's crowded here, etc).  What you need are rooms with lots of exits.  Five or even six exits are great, but if you're somewhere like the Plaza of Broken Moons or Sator Square, don't put them too close together.  To put up the posters, "apply" the glue to the poster and "paste" the poster in the room.  If you need more posters or glue, go back to Felicity and say you need them.  She might make you wait a bit.

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"Punching Bag", in which you carried around a carcass. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Punching Bag

Items: Side of beef (Butcher on God's Collar)
Items: Meat hook (Shop on Morpork Street)
Items: Hemp rope (Balboni's apartment)

Go to Stony Balboni's apartment near the eastern end of Pony Parts. The entrance is hidden and can be accessed using "climb staircase". 
Search the junk in his apartment for a hemp rope. Give him the rope, meat hook and side of beef.

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"Rock Star", in which you raked till you ached. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Rock Star

Skills: 128 or more adventuring.movement.climbing.rock bonus (unhold all, no shoes, light burden), cr.ar.design (bonus unknown)
Items: Rake (smithy on northeast side of Street of Small Gods)
Go to the Shonky Shop on Clay Lane and wander around until you get to the room with Brother Soon Shine Sun. Go through the hidden exit east here then continue east to a yard with a locked gate. "Climb" the wall and go west into the History Monks temple, then say "help" when Ludlakk is in the room. He'll give you a piece of paper with a grid design on it to be raked into the sand.  "rake" the grid based on the grid coordinates, to form the letters and symbols displayed. "syntax rake" is very helpful.  If you cross over a previously raked section, you'll have to rake it again. Before you start, look at the design on the paper and figure out you're path for going back and forth while avoiding the rocks.

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"Short Changed", in which you learned the true meaning of 'No pain, no gain'. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Short Changed

Items: a few dollars (or tickets, if you have some from completing Prolific Paster), and possibly a friend depending on how you want to do it
When in the Dwarf museum, you need to get your tooth jolted out.  There are multiple ways to loosen it and finally knock it out:
*Eating the scone from the water dunking game. (The scone is not consumed.)
*Eating a tessera won from a game. (The tessera is not consumed.)
*Eating dwarf bread prizes bought with tessera. (Misfortune cookies are consumed, but others aren't.)
*Standing on the platform of the strength tester and having someone else play the game.

If you get messages about your tooth feeling a bit looser, etc., then it's working.  You may need to wait a little while in between eating the scone or tesserae (alternatively, you may not get a message every time it's loosened a bit).

At the entrance to the museum, search the walls to find the hidden room and unlock the door using the key that can be won from the lucky dip game. You could also pick the door, but a bonus of 327 in covert.lockpick.doors fail repeatedly. Place the tooth under the pillow, lie on the bed and then sleep... Repeat this until you get the quest and one dollar from the tooth fairy.

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"Sympathetic", in which you brought happiness through compassion. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Sympathetic

Find the wandering sad man near the intersection Attic Bee and Short street (sometimes in Brother David's) and "comfort" him.  There are other "sad men", but this one has a shorter description.

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"Top Scorer", in which you got kicked around by a bunch of playful trolls, repeatedly. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Top Scorer

Skills: up to 125 fighting.unarmed.striking bonus to score goals
Skills: fighting.defence.dodging to avoid being hit
Skills: ad.perception to avoid running into people (might TM during play)
Skills: fi.ra.thrown may also help with scoring, TMs during play if low
Items: obsidian boots OPTIONAL (bought from injured troll)
Go to the room with the injured troll on Quarry Lane and "join game" to play.  You can leave the game if you're getting too hurt. You can also use curing rituals during the game. Score 8 times to get the quest.   You may want to drop the trophies to avoid burdening while playing.  After each score, "join game" again to play more.

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"Walleyed", in which you freed a mason. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Walleyed

Skills: 200+ adventuring.perception bonus (200 will succeed infrequently when measuring), 120+ people.culture.ankh-morporkian bonus
Items: measuring tape, chisel, and crowbar (tool shop on Ettercap Street)
Go to the west side of Ankh-Morpork, along Endless Street.  There's a wall you can look at in each room starting 5 rooms n/nw of Limping Gate and going to one south of Shambling Gate.  These are the only rooms the quest will be in.  In a random wall room, you can "search wall" to find a piece of paper.  Another random wall room will have the next step in the quest.  To find the room, start at one end of the wall and "measure wall" with the measuring tape until you see something about an odd stone and crumbling mortar. Measuring too many times within a given time period will cause your eyes to cross and you will have to wait several minutes for them to uncross to continue. Once you have found the correct wall room, "chip mortar" while holding the chisel until the mortar is gone, then "lever block" while holding the crowbar until the block comes out.

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Haunted Mansion quests

"Axe Dealer", in which you returned a dwarf's family heirloom. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Axe Dealer

Items: weather-beaten key (see SEASONED EXPLORER quest) or lockpicking abilities, a light source
Go to the mansion on Short Street, just south of the intersection with Attic Bee.  "press switch" in the first room to reveal a stairway leading down.  Make sure your light source is lit, and go down.  Go one more room, and get the axe from the corpse, or from the floor if the corpse has decayed.
Don't go any further in the cellar: retrace your steps upstairs and back out to Short Street.

Go to the flats immediately east of the mansion, then into the south apartment on the ground floor.  Go north into the bedroom (you'll hit your head on a bar and get hurt a bit if you don't "crawl").  Give the axe to Stavic to receive the key.

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"Competent Banisher", in which you sent a most pernicious and annoying fiend back where it belonged. (Quest level 3)

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"Crypt Robber", in which you broke into an ancient crypt. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Crypt Robber

Having completed the VETERAN EXPLORER quest below and killed the greater demon (you need to have done the MASTER OF CEREMONIES quest before you can kill the greater demon) then head north once. In this room, you have to "open coffin". This is disguised as a stone table. Then you can "get all" from the coffin.

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"Master Of Ceremonies", in which you performed a mystic ceremony. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Master Of Ceremonies

There are two ways to do this quest:
Items: 1 eagle feather per participant (from Bandit Camp eagle quest - a repeatable quest)

1) For wizards and witches:  At 12:00AM Disc time (midnight), walk diagonally (northeast/southwest) through the connected rooms at the bottom of the tower of Art until you are magically transported to a room in the clouds.  Place the eagle feather on the statue.

2) For priests, assassins, warriors and thieves:  This involves three players, one of which should be a priest, one should be a warrior and the other either a thief or an assassin.  Read the book in the tower of the mansion near the intersection of Short Street with Attic Bee.  First the priest should say "sulamore" and then "galimore". The warrior should then say "duvanti", and finally the thief/assassin should say "duvanti".

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"Radiant Adventurer", in which you found a magic pool and received a magic boost. (Quest level 7)

Discworld quest page for Radiant Adventurer

Skills needed: perception (bonus unknown), climbing skills
Collect 9 coloured glass segments from around Ankh-Morpork. These are found by 
(1) looking at the stones in the mine on Whalebone Lane,
(2) looking at the soot in a hidden room on God street, 
(3) looking at the junk in Nobby's room in the Pseudopolis Yard Watch House,
(4) looking at the sun in the model of the Disc in the Enlightened Brethren room on Bitwash Street, (5) Looking under the counter in Bernita's flower shop on Treacle Street, 
(6) using or swivelling the telescope on Fiveways' bell tower roof (climbing skills required)
(7) looking at the blowhole of a whale statue in Sator Square, 
(8) looking in the waste basket in the Apex club Hall of Heroes, and
(9) looking at the ice in a cellar on Quarry Lane. 
After completing CRYPT ROBBER, put the coloured glass segments on the plate by the stairs. 

Go down the stairs. The first puzzle is a set of 9 coloured levers on a panel, one for each segment. All levers need to be in the down position.
Each lever swaps the position of itself and at least two other levers. Below is a list of which levers swap which levers:
Red lever: Red, Orange, Green, Blue
Yellow lever: Yellow, Violet, White, Black
Orange lever: Orange, White, Black
Green lever: Green, Indigo, Violet, Black
Blue lever: Green, Blue, White
Indigo lever: Red, Yellow, Orange, Green, Blue, Indigo, Violet, White, Black
Violet lever: Yellow, Blue, Violet
White lever: Orange, Blue, White, Black
Black lever: Red, Orange, Violet, Black

Next is a maze puzzle, you must determine which numbered corridor to follow out of each room. The order is that of the colours of the rainbow: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet. There is a perception skillcheck involved in looking, though you can also find out without looking.
When looking into a numbered corridor says The passage glows with instead of You think the passage is glowing with, that means you passed the skillcheck and you can be certain that is the true colour.
Finally, you need to look for a room with transparent white light, which is the end of the quest.

Be careful, you can take small amounts damage from hitting your head (~200 hp) or gases.

At the end of the maze is a room with a riddle. You need to solve the riddle to access the radiance pool. 

After solving the riddle, wield the weapon(s) you want radianced and go north. Dip the weapons in the pool. Use the portal to exit.

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"Seasoned Explorer", in which you discovered a hidden dungeon. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Seasoned Explorer

First go to the flats on Short Street just south of Street of Small Gods.  Go all the way upstairs, and into the south flat.  Go into the bedroom and go "up" then "search nest" to get the weather-beaten key.  Take the key and go to the mansion across the street.  Inside, "press switch" and go down.  Don't wander around further unless you know what you're doing.

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"Veteran Explorer", in which you discovered new areas in the hidden dungeon. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Veteran Explorer

Skills: some ad.perception?, some co.ca.place, some co.lo.door, some co.lo.traps, possibly co.ma.stealing, co.it.traps?, some fighting. The last trap needs co.it.tr and co.it.po to disarm.
This quest involves disarming traps a few times. You have to be able to spot the traps in order to disarm them, otherwise you'll get hurt.

To complete this quest, you will first need an iron amulet from the wind demon upstairs in the Old Mansion on Short Street south of Brother David's. To get this, enter the mansion (see SEASONED EXPLORER), go up, and go west. Search (possible skillcheck here) to find a lever, pull lever, go up. There's an exit west, then go south. Open the door using a key, it should be the one from the dwarf corpse, or just lockpick it. In the next room you need to disarm the flame trap before you can head south.

To get the wind demon to appear, open the box, and it will come out and autoattack. Kill it to get its amulet, or if you're a thief, filch the amulet from the demon. Or just kill the demon if you want to. Don't wear the amulet because it breaks easily in combat. The room should reset in about 30 minutes and allow another wind demon to come out if you need another amulet because the banshee respawned too fast (sometimes it can be near instantaneous).

Go to the hidden cellar from SEASONED EXPLORER by pressing the switch inside the front door and go down, then south.

The east exit of the room with the dwarf corpse is trapped with a blade trap. Either disarm the trap, or crawl.

Then open the east door with the key from Stavic, or lockpick it if you wish.

In the next room, there are three demons. They don't autoattack, but you must kill them to go east again. The demons spawn relatively quickly - 5 minutes or so, in my experience - so get the amulet from the wind demon upstairs first.) Try not to die. It's a bit of a hassle to retrieve stuff from one's corpse when there are demons and locked doors.

In the next room is a banshee and a gas trap. "Use amulet on banshee" and it will disappear and the amulet will crumble to dust. Hurry up to disarm the gas trap because the banshee respawns fast and if it does you need to go fetch another amulet and by then the demons and blade trap will have respawned too.

In the next room there is a greater demon (that does not autoattack) that can only be killed if you have done the MASTER OF CEREMONIES quest. Just reaching this room will get you the VETERAN EXPLORER quest and $75. You can proceed to the CRYPT ROBBER quest above which involves killing the greater demon.

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Southeast Bes Pelargic quests

"Bunny Saviour", in which you returned a toy to an adorable child. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Bunny Saviour

Go to the park on the south side of Hook Street in Bad Poo-Ning District.  "dig" in the sandbox a few times, the give Mr. Bunny to Won Favourite Pearl in the next room of the park.

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"Cultured Agatean", in which you learned more about Agatean culture. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Cultured Agatean

Items: A few rhinu.
This quest is best done after starting the WHEEL BOUND quest below.  Enter the Cultural Institute on Hook Street in the Bad Poo-Ning district, and visit the Bonsai Room, the Haiku Room, the last room of the History trip, and the Origami Room.  You have to visit all four rooms on the same trip, and you get the quest upon leaving the Institute, as well as a few levels of people.culture.agatean.

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"Knicker Nicker", in which you were undeniably underhanded in acquiring underpants for the underdog. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Knicker Nicker

Items: some tooni
Go to the eastern most pier on Tuna Walk in the Bad Poo-Ning District, and go all the way south on the pier (Smuggler's Pier).  Go down and "enter gangplank" and "take crate from pile". Pay off the customers officer by going up (don't give him the money), then go n, n, e, n, n, n, ne, e (hidden exit) and go up. 

"Lower hoist", go down and outside the building, drop the crate, and "attach" the crate to the hook.  Go back upstairs and "raise" the hoist while the storeman is on the upper floor.

Try different crates, repeating the above steps, until you get the correct one.  Even if it's not the correct crate, the storeman will give you a few rhinu, which you can change for more tooni.  You'll have to wait about 5 minutes between taking new crates, and bribing the Customs officer gets more expensive each time, so bring a lot of tooni.  It probably starts at 10 tooni and adds another 10 tooni for each attempt.  The cost resets during reboots or after the room resets, or if the officer mysteriously dies and regens. I think after 5 crates the captain won't let you take any more for a while.

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"Road Warrior", in which you eliminated a hazard to travellers everywhere. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Road Warrior

Items: shovel (tool shop on Ettercap in AM, or garden shop on the northwest part of Long Street in BP), cobbles (barrier on eastern side of Sator Square in AM)
Go to Serpentine Way in the Bad Poo-Ning District, and go one room northeast of the language institute, where you can "look pothole". "Repair" the pothole.  If you don't have a weapons permit, hide the shovel when walking or Guards will confiscate it.

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"Tour Guide", in which you opposed the forces of misdirection. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Tour Guide

Skills: None (you don't have to be able to read the signs)
Find the switchable street signs in the Bad Poo-Ning District and "switch" them until you get a message saying they're correct.  If you can't read Agatean, the easiest way to do this is to:
1) "switch" direction 1 and direction 2
2) "switch" direction 1 and direction 3
3) "switch" direction 1 and direction 2
4) "switch" direction 1 and direction 3
5) "switch" direction 1 and direction 2
6) "switch" direction 1 and direction 3
The above system will cycle each direction through all combinations of positions on the sign.  In a convenient order, the signs are at:
1) East of the enamelled sign at the T-shop stop in the middle of Tuna Lane
2) North end of Ricecake Alley
3) Intersection of Long Street (northeast side) and a boring street south of Pearwood
4) Intersection of Pearwood Way and Beach Way
5) Intersection of Azure Promenade and Anchor Street
6) Intersection of Azure Promenade and Palace Approach
7) Intersection of Long Street (north side) and Willow Avenue
8) Intersection of Serpentine Way and Cat's Tail
9) Intersection of Long Street (southwest side) and Ming Lane
10) Intersection of Serpentine Way (southwest side) and a nameless alley leading to Long Street
11) Intersection of Hook Street (west end) and the Bounty of Sea fish market

It appears you don't have to fix all of the signs, just enough of them (11, probably).

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"Tree Trimmer", in which you cut off the deadwood. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Tree Trimmer

Skills: 105+ crafts.husbandry.plant.tree skill bonus, possibly 115+ adventuring.movement.climbing.tree but probably not
Items: a tree trimmer (garden shop on north side of Long Street in the Bad Poo-Ning District)
Walk down Willow Avenue in the Bad Poo-Ning District, "look" at the trees in each room, and "trim" any trees that need it.  You might be rewarded with 1-5 tree climbing levels.

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"Wheel Bound", in which you jumped a queue. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Wheel Bound

Skills: Don't have to speak Agatean.
Items: a 24Rh 100s
"buy" a disability chit from Won Artful Huckster, usually wandering on Tuna Street or the Docks in the Bad Poo-Ning District.  You will have to "wink" and "spock" at him first, and he won't let you list, browse or buy when there's an Imperial Guard in the room. Go to the entrance of the Cultural Institute on Hook Street in the Bad Poo-Ning District. Once inside, go all the way east until you see the Assistant.  Give the chit to the assistant, and sit on the wheelchair.  Roll into the History Room and "queue" at the signpost.  When you are moved to the front of the queue "buy" a ticket.  The last room in this exhibit/ride is part of the CULTURED AGATEAN quest listed above.

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"Whopper Shopper", in which you let the calories carry you away. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Whopper Shopper

Items: Some agatean money
Go to the food shop Won Huge Sausage's Morporkian eating house at the west end of the north side of Long Street in the Bad Poo-Ning District.  Buy food until you get the quest. It will take at least 3-4 trips to the shop to get enough food.

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Southwest Bes Pelargic quests

"Dragon Slayer", in which you gazed upon a beast. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Dragon Slayer

From the southeast side of Dragon Head Square in the Hong Fa District, climb the tree during the day time.

You will need more than 180 bonus (18%, no boots, empty hands, 50 tries) in adv.mo.cli.tree

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"Romantic Gazer", in which you took a break and made a discovery. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Romantic Gazer

At night time, go to the gazebo on the east end of Corridor of Dragons in the Hong Fa district and "sit" on the bench.

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"Sentimentalist", in which you demonstrated a little control over expression. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Sentimentalist

Find Roger-san in Blue Moon Park in the Hong Fa District.  "lsay something", then "kowtow roger-san".  You then get the "emote" command.

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North Bes Pelargic quests

"Distant Exhibitionist", in which you went the distance of displaying feelings. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Distant Exhibitionist

Items: a banana
First you must have done one of the SENTIMENTALIST quests.  Go to Northern Garden Walk on the Imperial Palace Grounds in the Imperial District and keep an eye out for Tomtom the monkey.  "hug" Tomtom, "feed" the banana to Tomtom, and say he's a handsome boy.  This will give you the "remote" command.

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"Duckling Devourer", in which you ate everything, including the feet and beak. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Duckling Devourer

Skills: some swimming (nothing held, no shoes, low burden)
Enter the Pearl River near Tora Bridge, Middle Bridge, Bridge of Bounteous Wealth, or off Willow Street.  Swim along the river until you encounter ducklings and eat 10 of them.  There may also be ducklings on North Garden Walk in the palace grounds of the Imperial District, in Blue Moon Park in the Hong Fa district, and on a north-south running street west of Blue Moon Park.

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"FBI Agent", in which you discovered the Truth of the situation. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for FBI Agent

Requires: Level 151+, possible age requirement
Go to Pang Ho Street in the Shoo-Li District and "enter gate" in one of the rooms to get into the FBI office.  In the room with Thicker, "say" you'd like to join the FBI.  Once you've joined, say you want an assignment and Thicker will give you a piece of wood.  Still in the room with Thicker, say that the translation is "wombles fly south during monsoons".  You'll get 10 levels of tracking.  There may be an age check on joining the FBI - at 3 days 6 hours old, it failed for one player.

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"Name Retriever", in which you helped a man with the nuances of nomenclature. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Name Retriever

Skills: some spoken Agatean
Find the Nameless Man (scryable as Nameless) wandering Bes Pelargic and say, "help".  He is usually on Wall Street or Wung-Chi Lane in the Shoo-Li District, but has also been spotted wandering Way of the Dragon and Dragon Head Square in the Hong Fa District.  Go to the jetty east of the T-shop on Tuna Lane in the Bad Poo-Ning District and "enter junk".  Ask Bunk if he has a name.  Go to his grandmother's house on Big Street in the Shoo-Li District and ask her about a name.  Go to the in-sewer-ants salesman on Silver Snake Road in the Hong Fa District and ask him if he has a name.  Go to burned down fireworks warehouse on the Chopsticks road in the Imperial District and ask Zip Bang Flash about a name.  Go back to grandmother's house on Big Street in the Shoo-Li District and ask her about a brooch.  Give the brooch to Zip Bang Flash, and he'll give you a box.  Give the box to the Nameless Man.

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Brown Islands quests

"Coconut Brain", in which you made a simple native's day. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Coconut Brain

Skills: some swimming (empty hands, no shoes, light burden)

Swim to the rocks a few rooms south of the beach on Brown Island.

Get the rainbow coloured sea-shell from the crab and give it to the sad native.  You'll get a hoola-hoop!

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Bois quests

"Big Bad Wolf", in which you were burned by some cunning porkers. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Big Bad Wolf

 WARNING: This is an "evil" quest in Bois. You will have to wait a very long time before you will be able to do the "nice" quests in Bois if you do this quest.
On the path outside of Bois, there are several houses along the eastern edge of the northeastern branch.  The ones made from straw and sticks don't have actual rooms, but just show in the room descriptions.  Go to the straw one first, then the stick one, then the brick house.  In that order, "huff", "puff", and "blow down" each house.  You'll fail on the third house (brick), so climb the chimney and enter it.

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"Farmer's Wife", in which you were unsympathetic of a disability. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Farmer's Wife

 WARNING: This is an "evil" quest in Bois. You will have to wait a very long time before you will be able to do the "nice" quests in Bois if you do this quest.
Items: a knife (like the carving knife from the general store in Bois)
During the day, search the tree in the centre of the Bois market.  Cut the tails off of the three blind mice that appear by using the syntax 'cut mouse tail with knife'. They run fast!)

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"Glodilocks", in which you donned a wig to break and enter. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Glodilocks

 WARNING: This is an "evil" quest in Bois. You will have to wait a very long time before you will be able to do the "nice" quests in Bois if you do this quest.
Items: a golden wig (from from the general store in Bois)
Wear the wig. Go to a house along the northeastern branch of the trails outside of the village (not one of the pig ones).  In the living room, sit in the large chair, then the medium chair, then the small chair.  Go to the kitchen and taste the large bowl, the medium bowl, then the small bowl.  Go to the bedroom and lie on the large bed, the medium bed, then the small bed.  Then you'll have a really trippy dream. If you have forgotten to wear the wig, you can still put it on and lie on the small bed to get the quest.

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"Heroic Fairy", in which you changed a dear old woman's life. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Heroic Fairy

Requirements:  a good reputation in Genua (otherwise Grandma will just yell 'Help! Help!' when you enter, and not respond to anything you say)

Go to grandma's house on the southwest side of the trail outside of the village and knock on the door.  Say you're a fairy when Grandma answers the door, and she'll let you in.  Say she should go upstairs and hide, then say that the wolf is near, then that the wolf will eat her.  She'll go upstairs, then he wolf will enter, and you need to kill it; the Big Bad Wolf is somewhat stronger than an average Sto Plains wolf.  Next you need to go to the Woodcutters' Guild in the village, find Pascal, and say that Grandma needs help.  Lead him to the clearing outside Grandma's house.

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"Honorary Little Pig", in which you saved some precious bacon. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Honorary Little Pig

Requirements:  a good reputation in Genua (otherwise the pigs will just yell 'Help! Help!' when you enter, and even if the quest kicks off the 'jam' verb will not work and the pigs will get eaten by the wolf)

Go to the brick house (see Big Bad Wolf), and wait for the three little pigs.  When prompted, "jam" the door with a chair, "block" the window with the bed, "stop" the bricks with the table, and "light" the fire.  Then wait for the pigs to tell you the threat has passed.

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"Lupine Connoisseur", in which you gobbled up a sweet girl. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Lupine Connoisseur

 WARNING: This is an "evil" quest in Bois. You will have to wait a very long time before you will be able to do the "nice" quests in Bois if you do this quest.
Go to grandma's house (see Heroic Fairy).  Knock on the door and say you're Little Red Riding hood.  When you go inside, kill her, strip the corpse (ooer), wear her clothes, bury the corpse, and lie on the bed.  When Little Red Riding Hood knocks, say "Is that you, little one?" then unlock the door and say "In you come then."  When she asks questions, respond in the usual matter: "all the better to see/hear/eat you with", then "eat" her after the third question.  Numnum.

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Genua City quests

"Buxom Winch", in which you took the opportunity to participate in a wind up. (Quest level 8)

Discworld quest page for Buxom Winch

First of all, you need to go the harbour mistress in the sewers.  To find her, go to the triangle market on the east side side of Genua and go "down" in the market room that also has a seafood stall in it. It's on the west side of the market and has a manhole cover visible. Then go east, northeast, northeast, west, west, up.  Say twice that you need a job, and the harbour mistress will give you a package to deliver to an NPC in Genua.  After you deliver it, come back and say you need a job again, and she'll give you a bit of money.  You'll then have to wait a couple of hours until she'll give you a new job.  You have to deliver 10 packages in total.  If you can't deliver one, give it back to the harbour mistress and wait 1-2 hours before getting a new one. 

** TANGATHOR 03/25/11
In each attempt for me it took 2 hours before another package was available for delivery (From the time of recieving my reward)

** PrINTer 14/04/23
Checked and double checked, it seems the cut off point is very close to 1hr, used a stopwatch and everything, and that's from when dropping the package off, not returning to collect reward from the mistress.

The following NPC's were targets of Delivery:
  Cogsworth (Cogsworth Clocks on Trade Street)
  Cigarette Girl (Inside the Casino)
  Terrance Dupres (Shopkeepper on the docks General Store)
  Edna Scum (Bartender inside Scum's Bar on Pirate Ave.)
  Tfat Chick (Wanders throughout Town, usually along the outer circle)
  Ayna (in the southern room of "Magick Boxe" on Voodoo Lane)
Several packages were repeats so likely there are other NPC's to be delivered too.

After you deliver the 10 packages, the harbour mistress will instruct you to go to the portcullis and open it.  It's located down, east, northeast, east from the harbour mistress.  To do the winching, when the time comes, you need to push one button at a time. One system is to start with 1 1 and work your way across to 1 15, then down to 2 1 and across to 2 15 and so forth with each iteration of looking for the next button.  Once you find the first button that moves the portcullis, you need to start with that button each try, then move on to the next attempt.

Looks like the quest may have been made easier:
Perhaps I got very lucky... But I suspect the quest has been changed to make it easier, my solution was as follows: 3 4, 3 1, 3 6, 3 3, 3 8, anything, so once you found the first correct button (which you can use an alias for, by typing out push 1 1; push 1 2; push 1 3 ...up to... push 1 15;, and then copying and pasting that, then using a "find and replace" function in a second file of your text editor of choice to replace "push 1" with "push 2", then repeat for the ten rows and mash it all together. It's easier to spot which button combination is the first one by using a colour trigger on "The portcullis to the south opens a little." Then just alter your alias to just be "push 3 4" (in my case), but your second button combination will (probably) be on the same row as the first correct combination. (I haven't managed to confirm if I was just very, very lucky, so if anyone can confirm that all correct button combinations are on the same row now, please up date this or give me, or someone else a tell on the mud, thanks). --PrINTer (talk) 16:31, 14 April 2023 (EDT)

An example of the solution I had recently was something like:
  push 5 2
  push 4 14
  push 3 10
  push 5 2 (THE SAME BUTTON CAN BE REPEATED)
  push 7 3
  push (anything)

I use aliases after I get the first button to speed things up. At the end, the alias looked like: alias p push 5 2;push 4 14;push 3 10;push 5 2;push
Then I do "p 1 1" etc to work my way through.

You only need to find 5 buttons to completely raise the portcullis, but then it makes you press a 6th button to give you the quest, even though nothing happens to the portcullis when pressing it.

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"Cipher Solver", in which you cracked it until you broke it. (Quest level 6)

Discworld quest page for Cipher Solver

First you need to find a shadowy gentleman in a random tavern in Genua.  In addition to taverns seen on maps, there is another one on Liquor Alley accessed by going "down" in the room where the street turns west and southeast. The gentleman can be in a food tavern, as well as one of the bars.  Start saying stuff to him, and he'll start talking somewhat cryptically.  Repeat the key words he uses, and he'll assume you know what's going on.  Eventually he'll tell you to go to the clacks tower to receive a clacks message.

Go upstairs in the clacks tower on Grim Street.  Pull the lever to indicate you're ready to receive the message.  It will start to come in one letter at a time, each letter encoded in a 3x3 grid using the symbols @, #, and *.  Take special note of the pauses, for those are spaces between words.  When the message finishes, "lookup" each letter of the alphabet in the book in the tower, and translate each symbol into a letter.

The result is still encoded, this time by a simple substitution cipher.  Unfortunately, the cipher is too short for mere humans to solve, hence you'll probably need to use an internet site that translates substitution ciphers.  Keep in mind that some of the phrases should have an apostrophe that might trip up the cipher solving sites.

One such site is: https://www.ics.uci.edu/~eppstein/cryptogram/ or http://www.blisstonia.com/software/WebDecrypto/index.php

If it gets stuck solving the entire cipher at once, try solving half at a time (this will help with the apostrophe problem or a missed letter or space).  Now that your cipher is solved, go back to the shadowy gentleman and say the solution.  The following are solutions other people have had, and should let you know if you're on the right track:
  THE DILEMMA IS UNFORTUNATE WE MUST RESPOND BEFORE WE'RE ALL DEAD
  THE DILEMMA IS MOST UNFORTUNATE WE MUST RESPOND TO THIS IMMEDIATELY
  THE SITUATION IS BENEFICIAL WE MUST RESPOND IN A FEW YEARS
  THE DIFFICULTY IS UNSETTLING WE MUST RESPOND TO THIS IN A FEW MONTHS
  THE DIFFICULTY IS A MOST FORTUITOUS SITUATION WE MUST TAKE ACTION IN A FEW YEARS
  THE EVENT IS A MOST FORTUITOUS SITUATION WE MUST RESPOND IN A FEW YEARS
  THE PREDICAMENT IS UNFORTUNATE WE MUST TAKE ACTION IN A FEW MONTHS
  THE CONTINGENCY IS UNFORTUNATE ACTION MUST BE TAKEN SOON SOON
  THE CONTINGENCY IS A MOST FORTITUOUS SITUATION WE MUST REACT TO THIS IMMEDIATELY
  THE OPPORTUNITY IS UNFORTUNATE WE MUST RESPOND PRESENTLY
  THE OPPORTUNITY IS WORRYING WE MUST RESPOND TO THIS PRESENTLY
  THE CONSIGLIERE IS SNIFFING THE BEARS
  THE CONSIGLIERE IS SINGING ABOUT THE POND
  THE CAPOREGIME IS DIGGING AROUND THE SWANS
  THE CAPOREGIME IS DANCING AROUND THE AGATEANS
  THE CAPOREGIME IS LISTENING TO THE TINKER
  THE CORPORAL IS STARING AT THE TIGERS
  THE MOTH IS KILLING THE TIGERS
  THE GODFATHER IS STARING AT THE SAILOR
  THE DUCHESS IS SINGING ABOUT THE TIGERS
  THE PATRICIAN IS EXAGGERATING THE EFFECTS OF THE TAILOR
  CONTACT SISTER REGARDING THE CONTINGENCY
  CONTACT OUR ORGANISATION WITH REFERENCE TO THE QUANDRY
  CONTACT OUR ORGANISATION WITH REFERENCE TO THE DIFFICULTY
  CONTACT OUR ORGANIZATION ABOUT THE DEVELOPMENT
  CONTACT O REGARDING THE EVENT
  CONTACT A REGARDING THE EVENT
  CONTACT O WITH REFERENCE TO THE SITUATION
  CONTACT Q WITH REFERENCE TO THE DIFFICULTY
  CONTACT O CONCERNING THE PREDICAMENT
  CONTACT R CONCERNING THE CONTINGENCY
  CONTACT Q REGARDING THE CONTINGENCY

So the first word is always "CONTACT" or "THE" which is a nice starting point.  If the first word is "THE", the third word is "IS".  If the first word is "CONTACT", the second to last word is "THE". Some of the above solutions might not be used anymore, as they were reported before the pig-latin aspect was removed.

Note however that if you started the quest before the pig-latin aspect was removed, your cipher may still involve pig-latin. Look for repeating letters at the end of each coded word, which may come in the form YAY or AY. The 1st letter of the word may also be transposed to the end of the word, so for example "ABOUT" may be "BOUTAAY" or "BOUTAYAY". In this case, when you repeat your message to the shadowy gentleman, say it in its pig-latin form to save you lots of grief and paranoia that your pure answer with no pig-latin is incorrect!

Beware that sometimes pig-latin ciphers will contain different variants of the same word. i.e. "the" could be "ETHAY" and "ETHYAY" etc within the same cipher.  

Paracelsus: The message I deciphered was THE SITUATION IS TO OUR ADVANTAGE WE MUST TAKE ACTION BEFORE WE RE ALL DEAD. 
When I returned to the tavern, I needed to add the apostrophe to the word "we're" before the quest was accepted, even though there is no clack cipher for the punctuation. 

> You say to the shadowy gentleman: the situation is to our advantage we must take action before we re all dead
> The shadowy gentleman whispers to you with a Genuan accent: If I were you, I'd go and check again.
> The shadowy gentleman mutters something about amateurs under his breath.

You say to the shadowy gentleman: the situation is to our advantage we must take action before we're all dead
You have completed the quest Cipher Solver, in which you cracked it until you broke it (240000 xp).
A Creator Collector Card appears in your inventory with a flash.

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"Ghostbuster", in which you were the one they were going to call. (Quest level 7)

Discworld quest page for Ghostbuster

First of all, you need seven items:
1) a bell, available from the wandering merchants, etc, in Lancre Town
2) a candle, available from the candle shop on Genua Avenue
3) a voodoo rattle stick, available at the voodoo shop on Voodoo Lane in Genua
4) a coffin nail, available at the voodoo shop on Voodoo Lane in Genua
5) a bleached skull, available at the voodoo shop on Voodoo Lane in Genua
6) a prayer book, available from the Gapp temple on Darling Road in Genua
7) a set of prayer beads, available from the Gapp temple on Darling Road in Genua

The book and beads don't have to be consecrated to your god, and you don't have to hold or light any of the items.  Go to the house on the north side of Zombie Walk, and go upstairs.  There you can pull a book out of the bookcase to enter Funster's room.  He'll tell you what to do, or you can just read it here.

In rooms of the mansion other than Funster's, you'll eventually spot some ghostly mischief (sometimes causing a bit of damage or moving something from your inventory into the room).  When you see it, "exorcise" the ghost with two of the above listed items.  The ghost seems to move into a random room every minute or so, so it can take a while to find it each time.  Standing still might be effective as well, and waiting for it to come to you.

Note: one of the things the ghost can do is lock the front door of the house.  This does not get unlocked when the ghost is exorcised, so make sure you have a way out, just in case!

After exorcising successfully, the ghost will laugh at you. The message can be used to determine if you're using the correct items or not. If at least one of the items you use is a "strengthening" item, he will also summon a new ghost that shares a weakness or strength with him, and be replaced by that ghost.  If neither item is strengthening for the ghost, but one is a weakness, he will summon a new ghost that shares that weakness, and be replaced by it, and the laugh will be a "wheezy snigger".  If neither item strengthens or weakens the ghost, he'll simply laugh.

To complete the quest, you need to exorcise the ghost with the two items that are its weaknesses.  Each ghost has a unique profile for the haunting, and the nature of their haunting will allow a player to uniquely identify the ghost they are currently dealing with.  The combination of unique identifiers and responses to the exorcism attempts allows for a logical deduction regarding which items are effective for which ghosts.

Or, you could visit the house everyday with the same two items and try to exorcise the ghost until you get lucky.

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"Private Detective", in which you deduced dastardly doings from disparate dubious developments. (Quest level 8)

Discworld quest page for Private Detective

Skills: ad.perception bonus of 175-180+.  Check on "watch high" to see if it's enough.  If it's lower, you can probably TM from attempting this quest but won't solve it.  

You'll probably need 1+ hour(s) to solve this quest the first time, and at least half an hour if you're experienced with it.  UNCONFIRMED NOTE FROM 2009: "In addition, I think there's a bug somewhere in the hiding of items in the quest. I've solved it several times, yet with the same bonuses, sometimes one item is never found despite trying all add_items etc several times."

STARTING THE QUEST
Go to the receptionist of the Hotel on Genua Ave and say "murder". Saying "murder" again will tell you when the real cops will arrive and you'll be out of time, as well as a refresher on who the dead person is and where they died.  You will have 10 Discworld hours (3 Roundworld hours) to solve the case.  South of the receptionist is the quest area:  ballroom, lower hallway, garden, dining room,  kitchen, drawing room, upper hallway, balcony, and privy. 

An example chart to plot data might contain the names of the 6 suspects and 1 victim on the columns with the times of day on the rows. Times of day are: early morning, early mid morning, mid morning, late morning, early afternoon, early mid afternoon, mid afternoon, late afternoon, early evening, early mid evening, mid evening, late evening.  For questioning, keep the times of day broader (morning, afternoon, evening), as suspects will break the broader times into specific ones in their response.

FINDING CLUES
Go to the corpse, and look at it with "watch high" turned on until you see five clues (wound type + 4 of: earring, ring, perfume, cufflink, torn clothes, rope marks).  Looking at the corpse can be done multiple times and uses a big chunk of gp (~50 of adv gp), so make sure you have enough ad.points before looking or the clue sentences will just describe the wound.  Even if you find all of the evidence in the hotel, you won't get credit for solving the murder unless you see all the clues on the corpse yourself.

INTERVIEWING THE SUSPECTS
Know that suspects can lie, even if they're innocent.  e.g. they might say they were in a room and saw no-one there, when multiple other people were in fact there.

Additionally, you'll sometimes get messages saying you think they're lying, they're acting suspicious, etc., but you can get these messages even when they're apparently telling the truth, and you don't always get them when they're lying.  You can tm ad.perception when questioning witnesses (it can be tmed with a bonus of 152), so it's possible the skillcheck determines whether your perception of whether they're lying is accurate.

Start with your first suspect, ask them 2-4 questions (the number of questions they let you ask the first time varies), and methodically repeat this with the others before breaking to look for evidence (see next section).  Suspects grow paranoid after some interrogation at which time a cooldown goes into effect on a per-person basis, so keep the order of suspects the same for each round of questioning.  Looking for evidence between rounds will help you stay busy while waiting, maximizing your time.

Suggestion: Start with getting everyone's movements during the EVENING because the murderer always has alibis at that time, resulting in all suspects seeing each other more frequently.
 sayto [suspect] Where were you this [evening]?
Verify these locations by asking who they saw there (although they may lie about this as well): 
 sayto [suspect] Who did you see in the [location]?
Do not narrow this question down by time of day.  As you work through the suspects, they'll start corroborating each other and providing details on who they saw at the location throughout the whole day.  Then you can ask where they were during the afternoon and morning, and verify it based on who they've seen in those locations.  You can do this until you know where everyone was at all times of day. 

Next, it can help to find out where the victim was prior to dying:
 sayto [suspect] Where did you see [victim] this [morning]?
 sayto [suspect] Who did you see in the [location] this [morning]?
The victim usually dies in late morning or early afternoon, but might not have been seen at all prior to death (except by the murderer).

By now, you should know who was always in a room with someone else after the victim was murdered. This is your murderer. To verify, you can ask everyone about their occupation:
 sayto [suspect] What is your job?
 sayto [suspect] What is [other suspect]'s job?
The murderer will be familiar with the murder weapon through their job. You can also ask, Who do you/[other person] like? but it seems extremely random and useless. Even with consistent replies, the murderer is rarely anyone that disliked the victim or was disliked by the victim.

GETTING THE EVIDENCE
You need to find the 5 items associated with the clues on the corpse (There should be 7 evidences in total). You will not get credit for solving the murder without doing this.  If there is an ad.pe check for finding evidence, it's pretty low (evidence found with 154 bonus, also try "watch high").  Note the rooms the evidence was found in, as the murderer was in all the rooms containing relevant clues after committing the crime.  Check (search) the following places:
Balcony: (chair, chairs), creeper, (plant, plants), pot
Ballroom: (chair, chairs), (cupboard, cupboards) trapdoor
Dining room: {buffet table, trolley), cupboard, table
Drawing room: cupboard, desk, drawer
Garden: bed, bush
Kitchen: cupboard, drawer, sink
Lower hallway: cupboard, drawers, plant, (pot, pots)
Privy: cabinet, cupboard, (privy, privies), sink
Upper hallway: clock, couch
NOTE: It's important to use the singular (pot, not pots) even if it's plural in the room description, except as listed above. Items in parentheses point to the same hiding spot, but the rest are all separate, even when it makes no sense.  The hiding spots don't always match up to add_items either. Two items that look the same when looking at them will not both be the same hiding spot.

NOTE: There can be more than five pieces of hidden evidence total, with some of them being unrelated to the clues on the corpse.

SOLVING THE QUEST
To recap, the murderer will be:
*Familiar with the murder weapon via their profession.
*The only one who was in all the rooms containing clues after the murder was committed.
*Seen by another NPC every hour after the murder.

Go to the room with your murderer and:
 accuse [murderer] of murder
If you're right AND found all the clues and evidence, you'll get the quest.  If you fail you'll have to wait out the timer to let the quest reset.

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"Small Gods Exorcist", in which you banished a troublesome god to save a druid from losing his marbles. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Small Gods Exorcist

You'll need a cloth robe or a druidic robe, and full gp.  Go to Dolmen Walk in northeast Genua City and walk south through the arch, which drain all those gp.  Go south again to find the druid, Bwk, and say you want to help.  Say yes when he asks if you're the assistant druid, and he'll ask you which universal force you best identify with.  The options are charm, persuasion, uncertainty, and bloody-mindedness.  He'll then ask for three items: a herb, a vegetable, and a special item, all available in Genua City.

Here's a list of some items and locations:

Holly berry - "pluck" from a bush north and west through a hidden exit from Bwk,
Graveyard dust - Voodoo shop on Voodoo lane,
Leek - Wandering leek seller,
Other vegetables - Vegetable stalls on Tchuttifrutti Street, NW Genua, or in the Triangle Market, SW Genua,
Herbs - Herb stalls on Tchuttifrutti Street, NW Genua, or in the Triangle Market, SW Genua,
Four leaf clover - Look at plants and grass on Golden Key Crescent and "hunt" it using the room syntax.

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Klatch quests

"Apprentice Archaeologist", in which you found the missing link. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Apprentice Archaeologist

Follow the road west and then north of Al-Khali. In the desert on the second north turning find the ruins of a settlement.

Watch out for an NPC named 71-hour Ahmed as he can backstab you and he is VERY powerful. He probably only becomes aggressive toward assassins.

Find the tent with Al-James in it and make sure you are speaking Djelian or Klatchian. Say 'help' and he will mention a type of pottery shard that he needs (He appears to reply in Klatchian regardless of which language you use). In my case it was a thick red shard.

Find the other tent that has Al-George in it and south of that is a shelter with walls surrounding it. You should notice a hole if you examine the rocks. Typing 'climb arch' will get you to a cellar (about 133 adventuring.movement.climbing.rope required).

Once down there type 'search stone' until you get the piece that Al-James asked for. It might take multiple tries as you get a random piece or nothing at all with each search. I was lucky and got it second try. Return the shard to Al-James and you'll get the quest and a few pence.

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"Pious Traveller", in which you restored sight to a Small God's effigy. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Pious Traveller

Find the worried nomad who can be found in the water pastures near Djelibeybi and offer to help him. 

The ruby and emerald he gives you need to be replaced in the keystone of the buried archway on Piety walk in Djelibeybi.  

Fit both gems into the correct gaps and you will be awarded the quest.

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Djelibeybi quests

"Arms Dealer", in which you made a net contribution to the Djelian military. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Arms Dealer

Skills: Spoken Djelian, otherwise the quest will not end. EDIT: Djelian is not needed.
Go to the dormitory in the east side of Ephebe Gate and "search" under the bed to get a heavy iron key. This key will open the heavy iron door on the second floor of any of the gatehouses.  Put weapons on the rack in any of the gate armouries, worth a total of 20-22 talents (AM$100-110).  The number of weapons is irrelevant, only the value counts.  Note that the weapons disappear after you get the quest.

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"Competent Banisher", in which you sent a most pernicious and annoying fiend back where it belonged. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Competent Banisher

Skills: unknown bonus (approximately 20 levels worth?) magic.methods.spiritual.banishing
Items: iron amulet (from doing the MANSION quests in Ankh-Morpork), and a friend
Have your friend go to Merk's Place on Phoenix Street and summon a salt mephit for you.  When it appears "use" the amulet on it to banish it.

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"Crafty Deckhand", in which you fixed an unwelcome porthole. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Crafty Deckhand

Skills: 126+ crafts.carpentry.coopering bonus
Items: claw hammer and glue (tool shop on Ephebe Road)
Items: 8+ nails (odds and ends shop on east side of Plaza of the Broken Moons in Ankh-Morpork)
Go to the ship Morgan's Foil, reached from one of the docks on the north end of the harbour, and go down. There are sailors here that may attack you if they catch you doing what you're about to do, so either kill them, or wait until they leave (they do so occasionally). Then, you "pry board with hammer". Get two boards, then go to the ship Brazen Mermaid on one of the adjacent docks, and go down.  You should be able to see a hole in the side of the ship.  "repair" the hole with the hammer and board, twice.  Then "waterproof" the patch with the glue.

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"Crocodile Rocker", in which you exterminated a pest. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Crocodile Rocker

Skills: fighting.range.thrown. 146 bonus wasn't enough, but 165 bonus was.
Go to the bridge just past the north gate exit out of the city.  In the room on or immediately south of the bridge is a pile of rocks.  Get some rocks, go north to the middle of the bridge, and "drop" the rock on a crocodile by typing drop rock crocodile.   You just need to hit one.

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"Distant Exhibitionist", in which you went the distance of displaying feelings. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Distant Exhibitionist

You need to do the SENTIMENTALIST quest, below, first.  Go to Daft Bugger on Market Street, and get the bucket.  Go southwest, west and fill the bucket from the well.  Go back to Daft Bugger and "scratch" her ear, drop the bucket, and tell her she's quite cute for a camel.  This will give you the ablity to remote.

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"Djelian Delicacy", in which you found the bait was switched. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Djelian Delicacy

Skills: 60 levels of other.language.djelian.spoken
Items: a pair of boots and a belt (the belts from the tannery in the harbor work)

Go to Gut Fishfryn on the Ptrip-Ptrap bridge leading north out of Djelibeybi.  Say "help" while wearing the boots and belt. If you're not wearing a belt, you'll fall but remain unharmed, but if you're not wearing the boots, you'll lose some Hp and your dex will drop by 2.  The boots need to be tough ones--hobnailed boots don't work but hard boots do.

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"Djelian Warrior Champion", in which you demonstrated great skill against a warrior while knee-deep in sand. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Djelian Warrior Champion

Skills: Guild Level 250, uber fighting abilities
"enter" the arena in the Djelian Guard headquarters near the palace and hit the gong.  Kill the opponent that appears without using magic or faith.  Note that this doesn't just apply to spells or rituals cast once the fight starts: you can't strike the gong if you have shielding, and the champion will storm out of the arena if you have minions assist or protect you.

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"Domestic Appeaser", in which you retrieved a stolen sapphire for a hen-pecked merchant. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Domestic Appeaser

Skills: 121+ adventuring.movement.climbing.rock bonus (empty hands, no shoes, low burden)
Walk along the north side of the cliffs southwest of Djelibeybi until you can climb up.  Search the boulders, and there might be a skeleton there.  Get the sapphire from the hand and go to the mansion on Ibis Parade.  Make sure that both Phin-lip and Ut-lat-khin are alive in the mansion, then give the sapphire to Phin-lip.  Lead him to Ut-lat-khin to get the quest.

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"Fluffy Nightbringer", in which you slipped a flighty creature into darkness. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Fluffy Nightbringer

Skills: 135-175 covert.manipulation.sleight-of-hand bonus
On the eastern side of the garden in the Mansion on Ibis Parade, "search" under the bush and get the hood.  Go upstairs twice, to the hawks room.  Unhold everything and "hood" the hawk.  If you fail and it starts fighting you, you probably won't succeed while in combat with it.

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"Green Thumbed", in which you found and revitalised a secret garden. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Green Thumbed

Items: shears from Yclept, usually wandering around the park (I think stealing/killing him is the only way). Shears can also be bought from the toolshop on Ephebe Road.
Items: scythe (either the one from the Dinky quest or get one from a labourer)
Go to the northwest corner of the Pharaoh's Park where there's a bench, and search the bench to get a rusty key.
Go south then west while the key is in your inventory. Then weed path, trim hedge, go north, mow grass, and clean pond.

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"Keeper of Suspense", in which you helped a man keep his britches up. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Keeper of Suspense

Go to Gut Fishfryn on the Ptrip-Ptrap bridge leading north out of Djelibeybi and get the suspenders that he left on the bridge.  If they're not there, wait for him to catch them.  Find Lap-lip wandering around Djelibeybi, and give him the suspenders.

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"Light Reminiscence", in which you restored a Djelian light fitting to its former glory. (Quest level 5)

Discworld quest page for Light Reminiscence

Skills: 153+ crafts.carpentry.furniture bonus (expect to fail several times with this bonus), some crafts.smithing.black.weapons to "fix" the chains.
Go northwest of Djelibeybi to the Lower Djel Trading Post by walking or taking the Djelibeybi/El Kinte Caravan. From the square, go northwest (hidden exit), and search the heaps until you find a wagon wheel and 3 iron chains. If the iron chains aren't available, you can buy them at many weapon shops. You need to bring the wheel to a woodworking shop where you are able to 'repair.' However, you aren't going to repair the wheel, you are going to drill holes in it (syntax drill). The wheel is heavy, but you don't have to have it in your inventory to work with it. 'Attach' the three chains to the wheel. You may need to fix them in a smithy if their condition is too bad. This should change the wagon wheel into a chandelier. Now you have to buy 6 red Wanobean candles from various 'light source' traders at the square at the Trading Post (the space where you have door exits to the north and west). If you can't understand Djelian enough to identify what the traders are listing for wares, just "buy red wanobean candle" until you have six. 'Put' the candles on the chandelier, bring the chandelier to the empty stable (west exit from square) and hang it on the hook. Light the chandelier and wait in the room for the quest. Enjoy :)

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"Mother's Helper", in which you rescued an important piece of origami for a bedraggled child. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Mother's Helper

Go to the hidden room in the northeast corner of Pharaoh's Park and "search reeds". Go two south to the lost child and give it the boat.

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"Peeping Ptom", in which you found a back way into a Djelibeybi establishment. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Peeping Ptom

Skills: 134 in adventuring.movement.climbing.rope
Items: knife
From the southeast corner of the west side of Pharaoh's Park, go south through a hidden exit.  "climb ivy", hold the knife, then "clear ivy" and "pry boards".  "rip material" and "clamber through hole". Note: Due to the shape of the west side of Pharaoh's Park, some may see "southeast" as being more "northeast". The name of the correct room is "[space behind a building and the park]".

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"Public Benefactor", in which you filled an empty space. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Public Benefactor

Go to the eastern end of the yard at Ptaclusp Associates off of Tsort Road and search the stock.  If you find a contraption, "pull hoist" then go west.  A statute of Hat should be in the room (if not come back later), then "lift statue with contraption".  Go the plinth outside the temple of Gufnork on Deity Lane and "lower statue with contraption".

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"Sentimentalist", in which you demonstrated a little control over expression. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Sentimentalist

Go to Ptepsi An in the Pharaoh's Palace and gaze lovingly at him, smile pragmatically, and wink fondly at him.  This will give you the ability to emote.

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"Turbaholic", in which you tied up loose ends. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Turbaholic

Items: DjToon 10.00
Go to the turban shop west of the centre of west Bazaar, and "request lesson".

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Ephebe quests

"Bringer of Shear Joy", in which you found a lost tool for a worshipper of Tuvelpit. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Bringer of Shear Joy

Find Adelphe on Tuvelpit Road (update,she wanders)and she will ask you to find her shears. She thinks she lost them by the statue of Tuvelpit in Slouching Gardens. Search the statue and you will find the shears. Return them to Adelphe to complete the quest.

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"Bushranger", in which you helped nurse a crocodile back to health. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Bushranger

Items: fishing net, 
       bait (hen, rooster, chicken, or goat),
       harness (optional when buying an animal from Zevgatis, to tie the animal in place at the crocodile pool)

Skills: cr.husb.animals.grooming 
        cr.hunting.trapping (for capturing crocodiles, 169 bonus is sufficient)      

Find Brick Bumblebee a few rooms north of the Temple of Offler. He'll tell you want to do.
Buy a net from the Harbour market. 
You can buy an animal from Zevgatis in the southwest of the Harbour Market, Ephebe. When you buy the animal Zevgatis will ask if you want an harness (it costs extra but you can reuse it on other animals wandering about), say yes, that way you can tie the animal to the spike.
Or you can tame an animal then carry it, or lead it to the temple of Offler, but without a harness it might not stay around.
Tie animal to spike.
When the time comes "capture crocodile with net.
Once you have the crocodile, drag him to Brick. 

Note: Hens and roosters might wander away before the crocodile comes without a harness or without enough skills.
You can reuse the harness (syntax harness) to lead another animal after the first one dies.

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"Clockwork Logician", in which you helped make things run on time. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Clockwork Logician

Skill:  none
Items:  none

Go to the citadel entrance on the west side of the Slouching Gardens.  Enter the citadel and look for the room with the clock and maintenance man.  If you ask to help the man, he will want you to adjust the clock to the correct time.  Making sure a personal timepiece is handy to ensure the current time, adjust the clock as appropriate.  That's all!

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"Coal Bringer", in which you helped keep a smithy stocked with coal. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Coal Bringer

Skills:  spoken Ephebian of at least 60
Items:  coal

Find Gelon in the smithy at the south end of Tuvelpit Road and ask if he needs help.  You'll need to bring him coal.  Gelon will not accept the coal unless you can offer your help.  The amount of coal seems to be based on weight, not number of items. 

You can buy coal from the dwarfish coal merchant who wanders Llamedos Fach in Genua. He sells rocks of coal as large as 10 to 12 pounds in weight, and three or four of these will give you the quest.

You can also gather coal in the terrains - in the mountains northwest of Al Khali, or southwest of AM. "get rock", "put coals in backpack", "bury pebbles&stones&rocks in me" works well. You don't need to be able to recognise coal as coal - that is, it's fine if your coals can be referred to as "coal" but only say "black mineral" when you look at them. To give you some idea, I needed 50 black mineral pebbles and 16 black mineral stones for the quest.

Whatever you do, don't try to get this quest by picking up the free coal from outside the smithy in OC, as you will be going back and forth almost literally forever.

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"Crocodile Doctor", in which you healed some crocodiles of their maladies. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Crocodile Doctor

Items:Fishing net
      Bait (hen,rooster,chicken,goat)
      a knife
      a needle
      beer
      scumble
      vodka
Skills:cr.me.treatment.disease (154 bonus is enough for sporadic success in treating crocodiles)

First, complete Bushranger.
Go to Brick Bumblebee a few rooms away from the Temple of Offler. Say "disease". Ask about each disease and he'll tell you how to heal it.
Buy a net, tame an animal and take it to the temple. Tie the animal to the spike, and when the time comes "Capture crocodile with net."
Then look at it. 

If something is wrong with it's scales: Scrape crocodile with knife
If something is wrong with it's teeth: use the needle or something sharp, "pick <object> teeth with <object>"
If you have to use a liquid it's "dab <body part> of crocodile with <liquid> in <container>.
Use beer for the crusty bits on the legs, scumble for the pustules on the abdomen, and vodka for the gooey eyes.  Note that you need a sufficient amount - a shot glass of scumble is insufficient, but a bottle is sufficient.

You have to do this to 4 crocodiles.
You have to wait at least 10 minutes before trying again.

You can drag the crocodile while it is in the net.  Beware!  Do not drag it past Brick Bumblebee or he will take it from you (curing it himself in the same way as for the Bushranger quest, for which you will get no credit).

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"Homarus Hugger", in which you in which you held your breath until the perfect moment. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Homarus Hugger

Skill:  crafts.hunting.fishing 150 minimum

Go to the Seasick Sea Serpent on Dockside Walk in Ephebe.  In the lobby is a lobster tank.  Enter the tank, then wait for the spider lobster to appear.  When it does, snag it.  The syntax is specific - "snag", not 'get' or 'grab' or any other verb, otherwise you will fail (but with a message that might mislead you into thinking you failed a skillcheck).

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"Kebab Connoisseur", in which you beat the odds and actually got what you ordered. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Kebab Connoisseur

Skill:  none
Item:  an appropriate drink

Find the kebab vendor in the Dockside Market.  The vendor may have went to the same culinary school as CMOTD, for he sells a product that looks much better when wearing beer-colored goggles.  Therefore, before buying a kebab, be sure to be nice and drunk.  The equivalent of two beers is sufficient.  Once appropriately soused, order a kebab and eat it.

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"Mina Miner", in which you got lucky. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Mina Miner

Climb the rock outside the entrance to the Citadel. Every once in a while a fountain from below sprays a coin up. You have to "catch" them until you've caught a Mina.

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"Nest Builder", in which you built a cosy nest for a pair of lovebirds. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Nest Builder

Skills: crafts.arts.design Bonus 153 minimum

Find the tree in the southeast corner of the Harbour Market. Climb it, collect leaves, twigs, and fluff until you have about 20 of each.  (Note that you can only gather these in the spring.)  Construct next with twigs and leaves, then insulate it with the fluff. 

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"Penguin Rescuer", in which you rescued Patina's holy emissary from distress. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Penguin Rescuer

Items: Fish, ports of friends with ports

Find the grumbling penguin who wanders around Ephebe. Feed the fish to it and it will follow you. Bring him to the Hub.

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"Polygraph", in which you turned the tables of logic. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Polygraph

Skills:  At least 60 spoken Ephebian for them to understand you, and ideally 90 so you can perfectly understand them (otherwise you'll have to contend with fragmented translations in addition to the logic puzzle itself).

In Ephebe, go to the Stavro's taverna on Tuvelpit Road.  Inside the tavern are four philosophers - Appiristus, Bulos, Chryphon and Didorus - who are whispering puzzles to each other.  In Ephebian, ask for a "puzzle".  The philosophers will provide the player with a variation upon the "Truth/Lie" logic puzzle, whereupon it must be determined by a single statement from each of three philosophers who is telling the truth and who is lying.  It is possible to "repeat" the statements.  To provide answers, the syntax is to say "<X> is a Liar" or "<X> is a Truth-sayer". NOTE that if someone is a Liar, the meaning of their statement is reversed - because they lie!

There are many puzzle variations as to the proper combination.  There is no penalty to ask for another puzzle immediately after failing.  Upon successful completion of the quest, one can continue to ask for additional puzzles.

If you're desperate, or just don't have enough spoken Ephebian to really understand what they're saying, you can always just spam "say Puzzle.;say Appiristus is a truth-sayer.;say Bulos is a truth-sayer.;say Chryphon is a truth-sayer.;say Didorus is a truth-sayer." at them.  They respond to your says even before they've laid out the full puzzle, and there's a 1 in 16 probability of randomly guessing correctly, so after about eight tries (on average) you'll succeed.

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"Tough Luck", in which you watered your way into good fortune. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Tough Luck

Items:Water

Find the cactus on Dockside Walk. Look at the roots to make sure they are dry then "water roots of cactus with <container>". It's a good idea to make sure you are protected somehow. Cactuses can hurt!

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Ephebe Desert quests

"Bad Spoiler", in which you utterly and totally spoiled someone. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Bad Spoiler

Find the oasis in the desert. At the oasis, find the spoiled child. It wants a fig.

Get a couple of Ephebian stater organised (e.g., rob some of the farmers around Ephebe). Find the fig trader at the oasis and buy a fig.

Or, if you have enough climbing skills, you can climb one of the fig trees in the melon farm (near Djelibeybi) and gather a fig.

You can also buy a fig from one of the fig traders that wander around Djelibeybi for 2 toons.

Give the fig to the child.

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"Life Preserver", in which you found a safe haven in a dangerous environment. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Life Preserver

Go into the Ephebian desert.
Find the oasis and go into the different tents.
When you enter Dhblah's restaurant, you're done.

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Necropolis quests

"Archaeologist", in which you found an elusive treasure. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Archaeologist

This is the second of the three quests in the western-most pyramid. West of Indeh-Anha is a secret room, opened by doing the 'Hieroglyph Expert' quest. Go into the room and 'search sand' until you find a statue and take it to Indeh. You will need to keep doing this until you find the correct statue and then when you get it right he will give you a Cephut's statue you need for the 'Tomb Raider' quest.

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"Hieroglyph Expert", in which you gained a glyph-t of understanding. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Hieroglyph Expert

Skills: ~150 people.culture.djelian
The first of the quests, you will need reasonable ot.la.dj.sp  and around 100 bonus in ot.cu.dj. Make sure your speaking Djelian. Go west of Indeh-Anha and look at the hieroglyphs. You will see something written backwards like 'regdab citsym' or 'tabmow yrruc' now you 'chant regdab citsym' or whatever. A door should open and a scarab should land in your inventory that you can wear. Note the north door has a trap on it.

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"Photo Healer", in which you doctored a photograph for a family in need. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Photo Healer

Items: 2000 ptascpi (need to enter twice)
Skills: adventuring.perception ≥ approx 210 (definitely doesn't work with 202, does with 216)

At the exit "passage" north of Djelibeybi search to get the incredibly sharp yet seemingly worthless doohickey used to cut out characters from iconographs.

Enter the passage into the entrance to Coojibubu's Tomb and insert the coins to get a ticket which you give to the hostess.

Then in the foyer search to find the north exit to the control room. Sit in the chair to discover the pink mass beneath the chair. Get it. You'll need to chew the mass so it turns into gum just before sticking the cut outs to the iconograph.

Say you'll help to Rodan, then yes you'll help him. He will tell you a location he wants iconographed with his family members added in and give you a camera (wooden box). If the camera runs out of material you can wait until Rodan regens and steal a new camera from him.

Next you'll need to take a picture of the room (not of the people) with family members in. Then you need to cut the family members in the iconograph with the doohickey, but you need to specify the names in lowercase that you managed to get in the picture (baiden,maude,cayren,rodan) because using the proper caps makes it fail. Continue until you have the 4 family members.

Then you need to leave the tomb and go to the location where you can glance the location description Rodan mentioned. Even though he said "outside of" he means the room itself. If you forgot what location he said go say help to Rodan again.

Once you have the 4 cut outs and the iconograph of the location, chew the pink mass and wait until it turns to a gum. Then quickly stick the cut outs to the iconograph. You can chew it again if it turns back into a mass. You can also get more mass from the chair in the control room if you lose it.

Return to the tomb, insert coins, give ticket to the hostess and give the iconograph to Rodan.

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"Polite Guest", in which you were painfully polite. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Polite Guest

Go north from Djelibeybi and enter the eastern pyramid via the passage. On the table there are a few paper cups with fruit cocktail. Drink at least 4 of them. Beware, you will get the quest when you are poisoned, and you will temporarily lose some stat points (-5 constitution, -2 dexterity), so bring antidote or at least a means of healing yourself.

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"Stout Burglar", in which you endured the rigours of burgling. (Quest level 5)

Discworld quest page for Stout Burglar

Skills: 205+ adventuring.perception bonus
Skills: 170+ covert.manipulation.sleight-of-hand bonus
Items: 1000 ptascpi
Go north from Djelibeybi and enter the eastern pyramid (the exit called "passage"). "Insert coins" to get a ticket, and give it to the hostess.

In the passage east of the entrance there is a hidden control room to the north that you must search for. Pull down on the white levers in a certain order (possibly random) until they all stay down, then pull the red lever. If you get it wrong (pulling the red lever before the white ones are all down) you fall into the spike trap that can cost you a lot of HP. Hint: Heal yourself as soon as you can, because you might get injured further when the spike releases you. To leave the trap, go east and up.)

Pulling the red lever with all the levers down will make the stone guardian fall into the spike trap and drop his hammer. Go down in the entrance area and go east. Take the hammer and search the sand to find a sandbag.

Go back up to the sarcophagus that the stone guardian had protected and smash it with the hammer. "Switch sandbag with treasure", and if all goes well you'll get the quest.

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"Tomb Raider", in which you successfully raided a tomb. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Tomb Raider

Skills: high covert.manipulation.sleight-of-hand (completed with bonus of 211 (confirmed) and 203 (confirmed by Avenged w/ 14% burden). Failed with 171.
Items: Statue of Cephut from "Archaeologist" quest
After you get the statue of Cephut from Indeh-Ahna and he leaves, re-enter the tomb (2 west from Indeh's location). You have to flick the spiders away from the handle of the doorway to the north (syntax "flick") using daggers, knives, etc. Open the sarcophagus by moving the lid off. There is a strength check for this; 8 is not enough, but 10 is. With this done, you should see a bag of sand atop a weight-sensitive trap inside. You have to "switch" the statue of Cephut with the bag of sand (syntax "switch"). This takes a significant amount of sleight-of-hand. If you fail the sleight-of-hand skillcheck needed, you will fall into a spiky trap which usually hurts around 75% of your total health so make sure you are healed before attempting. To get back to the sarcophagus from the trap go sw, n, w, w, n.

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Netherworld quests

"Entering the Netherworld"

Look for a camel called Sadistic Git in the Djelibeybi stables near the army barracks and attack it. It should kick you straight to the Netherworld. To get Misty to appear you have to say "Misty".  You need to be guild level 50 to get into the Netherworld, otherwise Sadistic Git just kicks you into the next room.

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"About the Netherworld"

Rituals (and prayer) do not work here, so if you die, you'll need to leave before you can get resurrected.  You won't be able to leave if you haven't done the Riddle Master quest, though, so in that case you'll need Misty to raise you.  She will appear if you say "Misty", or (apparently) if you try to leave and are stopped.

While in the Netherworld, your tells will be turned backwards (this effect is visible to you). You could then take your backwards tells and copy them into new ones in order to get understood. Group messages are not affected though.

Moving around on the wall (the wall mentioned in the quests below) appears to take no skill or gp.  However, if you try to take an exit that doesn't exist, you will fall and take some damage.  This appears to be around 500-600 hp from some of the higher rooms, and under 200 from the lower ones.  When you move right or left, you're edging along the wall in the specified direction--not turning to the right or left as you do in the UU library and similar places.  This does make retracing your path easier.

A hideous man-eating wombat of death is in the Netherworld, and moves around at least somewhat (it does seem to spend long periods of time in one place).  It does not seem to be aggressive.

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"Brainbox", in which you scored a victory over a good loser. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Brainbox

Say "Misty" and "Alphabet Game". Misty will tell you the name of a player, you must respond with the name of another player whose name starts with the last letter in the name that Misty has just spoken (e.g. Misty says "Hackophile", you should respond with something like "Ellaron"). You lose if you choose a name that has been used before or the player isn't at least a week old, and both offline and online player names can be used. Keep this up until she gives up (at around the 40th name she will give up).

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"Really, Really Nice", in which you became really, really, really well liked. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Really, Really Nice

You seem to get this quest when you have worked hard to get Misty happy and complete the tasks asked of you. This will also make Junior fly you to one of three locations, The bone yard, the rope room or KLK.

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"Restorer of Oddities"", in which you returned someone odd to someone strange. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Restorer of Oddities"

You need withered thingies that you can find by searching the bone yard. The quest sometimes requires two, sometimes three. Say "Misty" and give her the withered thingies. She will like you a bit more than before. Note: Give them one at a time or you may not get credit for them.

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"Riddle Master", in which you found the means of escape from a chilling place. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Riddle Master

You need one huge grey round ball that you can find by searching the bone yard. From the south east corner: climb wall, up, up, up, up, right, right, up to find a cub in a den with an east exit. Drop the ball to occupy the cub and go east. When you search the glass you find a disc. Go back, get the ball and this time give it to the cub rather than just dropping it. It will crack it and you can just open the ball to make it crumble so the book falls out. Give the disc and the book to the Sphinx and answer one riddle. The answers to the riddles, ordered by page number: -->  1. E.;2. Candle.;?. Man; 4. Wind; 5. Nothing; 6. Riddle; 7. mountain
Say "What is the riddle?" if nothing works. This will allow you to freely leave the Netherworld if you wish by heading north past the sphinx. You will then end up on the southern side of the Djelibeybi bazaar.

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"Sadistic Coach", in which you justified the means, nasty though they were. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Sadistic Coach

Search around in the bone yard until you find three huge grey round balls. Then you need to make your way by climbing to one of the baby sphinx dens. One is described in "Riddle Master", the other one can be reached by climbing straight up from the south east corner of the bone yard. Use the three rubber balls to teach the sphinx to fly by throwing a ball. Do this three times. Eventually the cub will learn how to fly, and Misty will like you a bit more than before.

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"Tender Hearted", in which you gained a friend indeed. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Tender Hearted

The first part is optional. Climb the wall up (From the south east corner: climb wall, up, up, up, up, right, right, right, down, right, up, up, up to Sphinx Junior and listen to his story. Climb down again, call for Misty and tell her that Junior is really sorry. Misty will like you a bit more than before.

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"Touchingly Thoughtful", in which you preserved the right moment for ever and ever. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Touchingly Thoughtful

You'll need to buy an incredibly stupid looking sphinx costume from the costume shop on Endless Street (just south east of Cheesemongers yard) in Ankh-Morpork. Inside a hut you can enter from the south most room of the bone yard is Nightvid who would love to watch sphinxes, but they don't come near enough. Give the costume to Nightvid, and in exchange he will give you a picture frame. Call for Misty and give it to her, she will like you a bit more than before.

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"Wielder of Klangs", in which you earned the use of a most annoying weapon. (Quest level 6)

Discworld quest page for Wielder of Klangs

To complete this quest you will need to have 2 others to help you. Player A needs to climb the rope where Junior is (at the edge of the plateau) - say 'take me to the rope'. Player B will need to go to Misty's house (say 'house' to Misty when on good terms) and find the bracelet in the house. They will then need to go up the platforms from the balcony whilst wearing the bracelet till they see a dark object below them. They must then take the bracelet off and go south and they will fall to the wheel house. In this room they need to spin the wheel to keep the rope from slipping off once the quest starts for real. Player C needs to have a dagger and be where the rope is (do the same as player A to get Junior to take you to the rope). When all are ready: Player A 'climb rope', Player C at the rope needs to 'cut rope' and the person in the wheel house need to turn the wheel over and over ('turn wheel'). This will cause the main person doing the quest to swing through the air. Once they see the sphinx they just need to 'get sword'. If all goes well they should end up with the Klang.
Note: Player B has to reach the position first, otherwise the rope can't get cut and hence the wheel won't move. Player C has to leave room and reenter if that happens.

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Bleak Prospect quests

"Kitty Kibble", in which you recycled the rodents. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Kitty Kibble

Drop a mouse or pigeon corpse in front of a cat.

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"Odd Job", in which you ran the odd errand. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Odd Job

Talk to Alston in the town hall. He will ask for three of the following:
Cabbage bun: get from bakery
Cherry: from grocery store
Newspaper: AM Daily or Green Slab
Parrot: Get it from the Flying Klatchman
Pigeon: Climb up the ladder in the clock tower and search the corner.
Tobacco: from a tobacco shop
Wood: From the path southeast of the town hall

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Death's House quests

"Fish Bone Collector", in which you found a bone to pick. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Fish Bone Collector

You can reach Death's Domain by going northwest from Nowhere until you reach the waterfall. Type gate once you reach the waterfall. Get floss from the cabinet in the bathroom (search), a hairpin from Ysabell's room (search) and a bone from the hallway. Go to the pit, east of the entrance and search to get a worm-like soul. Tie floss to bone, twist the hairpin until you have a hook, attach hook to bone-onna-string, bait rod with soul and fish with the rod in the garden.

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Dinky quests

"Memory Aid", in which you made a reminder for a forgetful bird. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Memory Aid

Search the straw in the Dinky farmhouse barn (e, se, e, e, n, w from carriage stop) to find a board. Go to the farmhouse yard east, north, and east from there, and show the board to Cyril the cockerel.

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"Simple Farm Hand", in which you were a simple farm-hand for the day. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Simple Farm Hand

Take seed sack from the barn and scatter seeds where the chickens and Cyril are. This only works when the chickens are not in the nesting box.

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"Smith's Friend", in which you returned a vital machine part to its owner. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Smith's Friend

In the corn fields there is a dead end, where there's a heap of metal. Search there, and you'll find a strange object. Give this to Ned Simnel in the Dinky smithy. Keep the hammer as you will need it for many other quests.

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"Weapon Forger", in which you created a weapon to a very high standard. (Quest level 5)

Discworld quest page for Weapon Forger

Requires a smith's hammer (Smith's Friend), and at least 123 bonus in cr.sm.bl.tools.
Go to the crossroads and move southeast to enter a pile of rubble. "Search" to find a lump of metal and go to the forge at the farm. "Light forge", then "forge lump into scythe using hammer". Now a lengthy process of sharpening the scythe starts. First "sharpen scythe with grindstone", then get the oilstone from the cupboard and "sharpen scythe with oilstone". Now go to the village forge west of the crossroads, and "search" to find a steel, then "sharpen scythe with steel". Go to the barn and "get sack", then "sharpen scythe with sack". Then go to the village tavern northeast from the crossroads and search to find a piece of material, then "sharpen scythe with material". Go to the farmhouse parlour, "search" to find a blanket and "sharpen scythe with blanket". Now go to the clearing at the west end of the village, and "search bones" to find a satin sheet, then "sharpen scythe with sheet". Go back to the farmhouse, and "search clothes" upstairs to find a handkerchief, then "sharpen scythe with handkerchief". Return to the forge and "sharpen scythe with cobweb". Lastly, go outside during the day and "sharpen scythe with sunlight". You now have an extremely sharp scythe used for the Green Thumbed quest in Djelibeybi.

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Hillshire quests

"Hillshire Tourist", in which you visited scenic Hillshire. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Hillshire Tourist

Go to the campsite on the road northwest from Pekan Ford, and search the ashes. Take the tarnished ring from the circle of stones and go to Hillshire by going northwest then northeast at the junction outside the tourism office. Give the tarnished ring to the bridge troll and he will give you a pass to enter Hillshire.

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"Occult Apprentice", in which you became more knowledgeable in magical control. (Quest level 7)

Discworld quest page for Occult Apprentice

REQUIRED SKILLS/BONUSES NEEDED (Below scores CONFIRMED. Minimum bonus may be less.)
*Magic.methods.physical.evoking (feather) - 79 bonus
*Magic.methods.elemental.fire (book) - 121 bonus
*Magic.methods.mental.channeling (spider Ice cube)- 183 bonus (may be up to 20 points lower)
*Magic.spell.misc (spider Ice cube)- between 134 and 138 bonus
*Magic.methods.mental.animating (bottle of alcohol) - 181 bonus 

REQUIRED ITEMS
*Feather - available from corpses of birds. Also available in a pillow south from main quest room.
*Book - available in various shops.
*Spider Ice Cube - available in Krazzander's, Ankh-Morpork.
*Bottle of Alcohol - must be a bottle, not a glass.  Beware that most bars and restaurants don't sell alcohol in bottles.  

The quest is in northwestern Hillshire, in the Wizards house. Go upstairs and then north (if the door is not open, say friend). You then meet a wizard who asks if you'd like to be an apprentice. Say yes. He will tell you to retrieve the above items, in potentially varying order. Read the scroll he tells you to read for each item, then perform the following actions in line with the appropriate item. 

Feather - Drop feather, then lift feather. 
Book - Drop book, then force book to combust. 
Cube - Drop the cube and cast Flizzlofrob's Morphogenic Resonator at cube.
Alcohol - Drop bottle, then induce weather from bottle.

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Wolf Trail quests

"Dog Pal", in which you were nice to an unusual animal. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Dog Pal

In South Skund there is a house with a big dog outside next to the wolf trail. Kill 5 wolves on the wolf trail to the east and carry/drag their corpses to the big dog and feed them to him. You'll get an amulet which makes some light when worn for a while before being used up.

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Holy Wood quests

"Film Editor", in which you edited the film for "Blown Away". (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Film Editor

You'll need some crafts.arts.design to do this, about 110+. After entering the studio (see Sneaky Entrant or Matchmaker), go to the Cutting Room, open the closet, and get the overalls, mask, and gloves from the closet.  Wear them to avoid damage in case things go Wrong.
Go to Gaffer Bird's shed and get the script for Blown Away, then to the store room to get the film can.  In the cutting room you need to search twice for a pair of scissors and film.
Edit the film.

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"Funeral Director", in which you helped a lost soul rest in peace. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Funeral Director

Go to the disused hut on the east side of the dunes at the north end of Holywood. Drag or carry the corpse of Deccan Ribobe to the western edge of the dunes, drop it, and bury it where the room description says it looks like a good place to rest.

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"Matchmaker", in which you acted as cupid to a courting couple. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Matchmaker

Gather flowers at the hill summit (south of the dunes) and give them to the Detritus who is standing outside the film studio.

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"Shoplifter", in which you stole from the shop of a little old lady. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Shoplifter

Ask to try something on in Mrs Cosmopilites' shop (syntax try) in Holywood. Stand on the chair in the changing room and climb out of the window.

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"Sneaky Entrant", in which you found a backway in when the guards refused entry. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Sneaky Entrant

Go to the west end of the alley that runs north of the film studio. Twist the boards in the fence to climb through.

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"Substitute Thespian", in which you acted the part in the flicks. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Substitute Thespian

Skills: 105+ bonus required in adventuring.movement.riding.camel, ~25 levels of fi.me 
Buy a false moustache, a prop sword and a pair of baggy trousers from Mrs Cosmopilites' shop in Holywood. Wearing your new costume, go to the studio (see Sneaky Entrant or Matchmaker) and find the director who will think that you're Victor.  Play out the scene as follows: 
ride camel
fight trolls
kiss ginger

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Nowhere quests

"Ghost Appeaser", in which you appeased an angry ghost. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Ghost Appeaser

Get the shovel from the stables, go to the cemetery and 'dig in Isabel's grave with shovel'. Isabel's ghost will rise and haunt you. Go to the old house and search at the porch to get a key. Go inside to the kitchen and take the jar, then go to the parlour. Move sheet, move chair, move rug, go down and search. Head back to the cemetery and plant the seed in the jar. Drop the jar, because it will shatter in a few minutes. Take the rose and put it on Isabel's grave.

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Scrogden quests

"Bane Of Farmer Giles", in which you got to the bottom of a bloke's problems. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Bane Of Farmer Giles

Go to the sitting room in the house and get the salt shaker and bottle from the table. Pour salt on the slug in the garden and take the dried slug. Empty/Drink the dressing bottle and put the slug in it. Outside there is a room with a shadoof, "pull down on shadoof", then "fill bottle from shadoof". Go back to the house and into the kitchen, and put the bottle on the stove to make slug soup. Give the bottle to Hughoc.

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"Net Profiteer", in which you made fishy profits using a net. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Net Profiteer

Items: A fishing rod
Items: A shovel (might find one lying around Scrogden)
Take the shovel and rod and find Calvert in Scrogden. Say help to Calvert and he will tell you he needs a rod and worms. Go south along the path until the room description talks about wormy earth, and dig with shovel in ground to get the worms. Go back and give Calvert the rod and then the worms. You will receive a net. Go to Gretchen with the net who will fix it and return it to you. Go back to the room where Calvert was and fish with net.

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Sto Lat quests

"Bird Feeder", in which you kept an eye out for someone's lunch. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Bird Feeder

Find a raven in Sto Lat and give it an eye. It is usually in the Hill Street area, but does wander. It can be killed by other NPC animals and player's pets, so can be tricky to track down.

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"Cabbage Killer", in which you made cole slaw. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Cabbage Killer

Go to the cabbage warehouse off Cabbage Street and Park Lane. When you get far enough into the warehouse (via hidden exits from the furthest room back with a shown west exit), you will encounter evil cabbages (which auto-attack). You need to kill 15 of these and give their corpses to Bartlehome, who is in his office next to warehouse entrance.  The cabbages are very nasty, do not underestimate them.  Their corpses are very heavy--about forty pounds--and do need to be picked up in order to be given to Bartlehome (simply dragging them into the room with him doesn't work).  You can bury the corpse to get the burial xp and then recover it to bring to him.  Your body count does carry over logins (note that you may not be able to find enough evil cabbages in a single trip). The hidden exits do not change and the area is mappable.

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"High And Dry", in which you avoided some brown water rapids. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for High And Dry

When there is steady rain or sleet in Sto Lat (lower levels of rain may not work), go down into the sewers. You can enter via the various manholes in the city- there is one just west of the Royal Market. Find a room with a shelf above the water line. When you hear the flood approaching, 'scramble' onto the ledge. When the flood goes past, you will get the quest.  It can take some time for the flood to happen, perhaps 14-15 minutes, and you'll get messages every few minutes or so about the rain getting heavier, the water level rising, etc.  <-- Note: I got this quest when there was "steady rain" in the room above the entire time.  I was in a room with a manhole exit, so I kept checking, and it never got heavier. --Ilde (talk) 05:33, 22 November 2020 (EST) -->

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"Prissy Punter", in which you punted a pedigree ponce. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Prissy Punter

Skills: A small amount of fighting.unarmed.grappling
Find any poodle in Sto Lat and 'punt' it.

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"Rafter Rat", in which you went over the management's head. (Quest level 5)

Discworld quest page for Rafter Rat

Skills: 181 or less adventuring.acrobatics.balancing bonus, some ad.mo.cl.rock 

Find a warehouse worker who is carrying a plank.  This is by far the hardest part of the quest - the worker is not necessarily present & alive in Sto Lat at any given time, so you may need to visit dozens of times before you get lucky.

He wanders the residential areas (south and east of the city, mentioned as residential and middle-class in the room descriptions).  He has been seen in the past on Blueberry Lane outside Sandlefon's temple.

In theory he'll complain that he needs the toilet, but can't go because of the plank.  Sometimes he doesn't say anything.  Either way, whether he asks for your help or not, simply say "Yes" and he will give you the plank.

Go to the cabbage warehouse off Cabbage Street and Park Lane. Head into the warehouse until you get to the furthest room back, which has a west exit. Head through the following hidden exits: n,n,e,e,s. Climb up. You'll need some ad.mo.cl.rock to do so (320+ was needed with a burden of 46 percent). You'll need a bonus of at least 175 in adventuring.acrobatics.balancing (with a very low burden) to move along the rafters without falling. Keep moving along the rafters until you find a gap. Lay the plank across the gap and cross it. Past the gap you will find a secret attic to the south. Entering this room will get you the quest.

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"Superstitious", in which you gave in to silly beliefs. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Superstitious

Go to the statue of Moojipat, southeast of the souvenir shop on Heritage Hill. Rub the statue's right foot and you will be transported to a small chamber. Touch the orb to return to Sto Lat.

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"Welfare Officer", in which you fought world hunger. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Welfare Officer

Go to the hovel off Lover's Lane (northeast of the city, by the cemetery). Give the mother in the hovel some food. You might want to put the item away on the way to the hovel because dogs and cats will try to snatch it from you (Apparently cured foods don't work.)

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Travelling Shop quests

"Curse Lifter", in which you in which you lifted a wrathful wizard's curse. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Curse Lifter

This quest was thought to be removed from the game for some time, but was confirmed August 2010.

Find the t-shop. Make the shopkeeper leave the shop - the fear ritual works, as would other such rituals (Endless halls was not working!). The spell Sorsalsean's Seismic Eruption may have the same effect. Using a glare squint as a witch works too. The shopkeeper must actually leave, not just go up. Obviously you can only do this while the shop is stationary. 
Stay in the shop as it takes off. It will crash, leaving you unharmed, and giving you the quest. Be careful: pets and other people in the shop will not be so lucky.

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"Pinkfish Worshipper", in which you gave credit where credit is due. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Pinkfish Worshipper

Buy a Pinkfish doll from the T-shop. If you want you can pull the string to read all the amusing recordings.

Worship the doll.

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Ramtops quests

"Abuser of Bugs", in which you pestered a pest persistently. (Quest level 6)

Discworld quest page for Abuser of Bugs

Skills: 211 adventuring.perception bonus
Skills: 181 or less covert.manipulation.sleight-of-hand bonus

If you search certain rooms in the Ramtops, you might find the bug (perception requirement - seemingly not a skillcheck, but a hard minimum above which you'll always succeed if the bug is in the room).  If you can hang onto it (sleight-of-hand skillcheck), you can "abuse" it.  You'll need to do this at least six times in total - each act of abuse only counts towards the required six if the bug talks back to you; merely seeing "You abuse the bug" is not sufficient.  You can abuse it multiple times each time you find it, so you don't necessarily have to find it six different times.

After you abuse the bug it flies off, and eventually respawns in a random location (sometimes even the same as where you found it).

The bug is not always present, in any of the rooms.  You might need to try repeatedly with breaks in-between.  Either it can spawn / move into more rooms than are listed here, or there is some delay between respawns.

Bad Ass
*A village lane in Bad Ass [e,n,ne].
*A quiet village lane in Bad Ass [n,se,e,s,w,sw].
*A quiet village lane in Bad Ass [e,sw,ne]. (west of utensils shop)
*entrance to an orchard [e,s].
*A quiet village lane in Bad Ass [n,s,e,w].
*A quiet village lane in Bad Ass [n,s,e].

Bandit Camp

Blackglass
*Percy Hopcroft's apple orchard [ne].
*A dim forest near Inkcap mountain [n,s].
*A bend in a market road in Blackglass [n,e].
*A corner in the main road in Blackglass [s,ne].
*A road outside a strange shop in Blackglass [s,e,sw].
*A forest path near a creek crossing [w,se].
*A bend in the main road in Blackglass [n,sw,nw].
*A path on the outskirts of the Blackglass farmlands [n,s].
*The southwest end of Blackglass main road [w,ne].
*A narrow strip of open land near Blackglass [n,s].
*The beginning of a cobbled road in Blackglass [ne,se,sw,nw].

Brass Neck
*trail through Leaping Mountain [north, southwest] (first room when entering from the south).
*A dead end [s]. (north of inn)
*A road outside of Brass Neck [e,sw]. (two west of marketplace)
*A path outside a cottage [w,se]

Creel Springs
*Most western room (Ed: might be referring to outside the bathing shop, below)
*The edge of Creel Springs [s,w,nw].  (outside the bathing shop)
*Path from Creel Springs [e, w] (easternmost room)
*Creel Springs village lane [n,ne,se]
*The path from Creel Springs [e,w]. (westernmost of these)
*Outside a smithy in Creel Springs [n,e,sw].

Mad Stoat
*A village road [n,e,w,sw].

Mad Wolf
*A dense forest trail [e,sw].
*A dense forest trail [w,ne].
*A road through Mad Wolf [n,s].
*A road through Mad Wolf [s,w,se].
*A road through Mad Wolf [n,s,e,w].
*A road through Mad Wolf [n,w,se].

Razorback
*In the pasture near a gate [w,e,n,ne]. (southwest corner)
*In the pasture near a gate [w,n,se,nw]. (southeast corner)
*The northeast end of Razorback [ne,sw].
*Somewhere in the pasture [s,e,n,ne,se].
*Centre of the village green [n,e,s,w].
*(behind the waterfall southwest of town) The top of a ledge [ne].
**This is the Sprite Caverns room that the official solution refers to, but note that it's not in the actual Sprite Caverns.

Slice
*Road to Slice [e,sw]
*Outside Muckloe farm [n,s,w]
*A path near a gorge [sw].
*Heart of Slice [n,s,w,ne,se].

Temple of the Listening Monks
*The western end of the temple's garden [n,e,w,ne,nw].

Temple of Soyin
*Outside the Temple of Soyin the Wandering God [n,s].

There are special roomchats when the bug is hiding in the room:
  There is a tiny clicking noise from somewhere in the area.
  You hear a faint buzz, but can't see what's making the noise.
  There is a little flash of movement just out of sight, as if something's hiding here.
  You almost catch sight of something scuttling around in the shadows, but when you blink it's gone.
  You catch a slight scuttling motion out of the corner of your eye.  Something's hidden here, you're sure of it.

You do not need to first see any of these before you can successfully find the bug with the "search" command (they're presumably just clues to the quest for hyper-observant players that don't just read these solutions).

Tips:
* If your MUD client supports it, add bookmarks for each of the locations.  e.g. with Quow's client you can name them "bug1" through "bug42", and write "minimap route bugN" to immediately speedwalk to the Nth location.
* Move through the possible locations systematically, one by one, searching at each in turn.
* Prioritise the villages first - with any luck you'll always find the bug there, and not have to travel far off to the bandit camp, temple of Soyin, or Listening Monks.
* Budget several hours.  Even moving rapidly between all the locations, it still takes quite a long time, and there may simply be no bugs present at times, requiring you to come back later.

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"Stone Donor", in which you put two rocks together. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Stone Donor

Go to the land of Giants, and sneak past or kill them (hard!), and find the hidden cave in the middle of the three giant groups.  Get the key from the brigand leader's corpse after you kill him, search, and use the key to open the chest.  Get the ruby from the chest and give it to the giant leader.  You'll then have free passage through Giant Land!

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"Womble's Friend", in which you paid respect to an old friend. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Womble's Friend

On the road between Ohulan-Cutash and the Gloomy Forest, there is a room with something shiny visible between the rocks (from the bridge, head w, w, sw, w, w, sw, w, w, w, w, w, w). Polish the brooch then head up to enter the newbie area museum. Inside, head to the hints room and search to get a brooch, then head back to the main area and pin the brooch on the womble to get the quest (Note: When leaving the museum, you will be placed near the road on the opposite side of the Gloomy Forest).

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Gloomy Forest quests

"Wheeler Dealer", in which you fixed a wheel and secured a deal. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Wheeler Dealer

Skills: 56 crafts.carpentry bonus
Items: 1 crown, or a few dollars
Just outside the west entrance to Gloomy Forest is a broken down cart with a merchant. Get the wheel and take it to either the Thieves' Guild Launder room or the wood repair yard in Lancre Town. Repair the wheel until looking at it no longer mentions broken spokes. Take the wheel back to the west entrance of Gloomy and give the wheel to the merchant. He will then give you 50 crowns.

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Bandit Camp quests

"Barbarian Hero", in which you rescued a damsel in distress. (Quest level 5)

Discworld quest page for Barbarian Hero

Enter the Bandit leaders cave, protect the beatiful female captive and kill all the bandits. Tell her to follow you and take her to the merchants guild on Baker St. in AM (you have to walk).

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"Bird Brain", in which you found a giant eagle's feather. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Bird Brain

You must dress up in a ridiculous looking chicken costume from Fred's Emporium on Endless Street in AM. "Climb cliff" one west from the leader's tent, and keep going "up" When you come to an eagle's nest "pluck feather from eagle" IMMEDIATELY or with an alias accompanying the previous command, "grab pink thingie" of the eagle. If this isn't done quick enough you will land on spikes otherwise you will land on a path.

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"Catchy Rescuer", in which you freed the ensnared from a net threat. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Catchy Rescuer

Two south of the main entrance to the bandit camp there is a hidden exit to the west. Make sure you have a knife/dagger and have a friend go first until (s)he get's caught in a net trap. Cut your friend free with the knife.

If you wait too long in the net, bandits will come and, apparently, autokill you.

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"Cess Pit Swimmer", in which you should have looked before leaping. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Cess Pit Swimmer

Two south of the main entrance to the bandit camp there is an exit to the east. Go one east and search for a trap. Disarm the trap and continue to the end of the path. Climb wall (you need about 25 levels of climbing).

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"Fire Cleaner", in which you learnt to use a simple tool for a simple purpose. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Fire Cleaner

Bring a shovel to the bandit camp and scrape ashes in the campfire.

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"Tree Hugger", in which you went out on a limb to gain entry. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Tree Hugger

Outside the entrance, go west, then northwest and northwest, but NOT north yet or you'll need someone to free you (Catchy Rescuer quest). Disarm the trap. (Note: Trying to disarm the trap can get you caught in the net trap, so have someone on hand to avoid spending too long in the trap and being killed.) Then go north. Climb the tree, then up, then climb along branches. ad.movement.climbing.tree at 231 bonus statted works for the climb (but 206 worked with only one wobble).

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Druid Circle quests

"Honourary Druid", in which you helped upgrade an aging megalithic circle. (Quest level 6)

Discworld quest page for Honourary Druid

Go to the druid area on the southeastern side of the forest.  Watch out for spiders on the way.  "search stones" in the outer circle until you find the entrance to the underground area.  Go down, then east and tell the clerk you want to join the Druids, and he'll give you three of the following tasks:

1) Gathering a secret herb of unusual luminance that you'll find by searching the plants in the southwest corner of the outer circle.  There appears to be a skillcheck for finding the herb.

2) The watered blood of a slaughtered innocent that takes more effort. Get a bottle and go to the centre of the Druid circle around midnight. Wait until the sacrifice starts and when you see the blood running down the aqueduct run round to the exit point of the aqueduct in the southwest corner of the outer circle and 'fill bottle with water'.  The bottle should end up with "diluted blood" in it, not "red water"-- if it's "red water", you tried at the wrong time.

3) Some moss that has to be collected at full moon with a sickle or other sharp object, around the circle. Syntax would be "scrape moss with dagger". 

4) Ash of an unrepentant sinner. This is one I didn't have to do, I can confirm however that ash can be found by searching the fire in the clearing in the north west corner of the circle. 

5) Finally a very nice chunk of diamond. This is a white gem pebble and can be found in the quarry on the east side of the circle. You need to 'mine walls with <item>' or 'mine vein with <item>'. Try a pickaxe. The hard part is that you can only find it if the light level is high enough; the quarry if examined will reveal that this is when the sun is directly overhead. Note that this must be done at midday, because light level does not actually seem to be a factor. This requires some skill in crafts.mining.gem--a bonus of 175 is enough, and a bonus of 145 seems to have partial success (some success with some failed attempts). (Note that you only seem to get one opportunity to try it per day, at midday-- subsequent attempts on the same day will only result in mining normal rocks.)

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"Unwelcome Hero", in which you jumped to conclusions and ruined someone's day. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Unwelcome Hero

Type 'search stones' while you move around the outer circle of the Druid's Circle until you find an entrance. Go to the storage room and open crates with a 'crowbar' (broomsticks work too, as do pickaxes). Search crates for 'wirecutters'.Go to the centre of the druid circle and wait for the ceremony to begin. It's usually damn cold, so you might want to have something warm. 'Syntax Cut' Cut the wires when the little boy is tied. Archdruid will attack you. Fight. Win. Cut the wires again to set the boy free. Quest completed.
Things needed: 1 crowbar or similar

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Bad Ass quests

"Basketcase", in which you delivered the goods. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Basketcase

Skills: 160 or less other.movement.climbing.tree bonus OR 100 or less covert.manipulation.sleight-of-hand bonus
Find Mrs Smith in the house attached to the forge in Bad Ass.  Ask her about Granny Weatherwax and she will send you on a quest for various items. 
The first item is always a small green apple.  If using sleight-of-hand, go to the bedroom on the second floor and 'open window' then 'grab apple from tree'. For tree climbing go to the east room of the orchard which is north of the forge. 'climb tree' and then 'get apple'. The tree will cause damage to you if you fail the skill check.
The next two items you will be required to collect are random and could be any of the following:
Wood: Obtain an axe, the general store often sells them. Look at trees around Bad Ass until the trees mention chopping them down. Once you locate them, hold the axe and 'chop tree with axe' until you have wood.
Granny's Mail: Go to the general store and ask Martha Headlock about Granny's mail.
Hat: Go to the sewing store and ask about Granny's hat.
Peach Preserve: Inside the house connected to the forge, go upstairs and look at the ceiling. Go up through the trap door and ask Jud Smith for peach preserve for Granny.
Sausage: Enter the south east most house in the village through the east door. Once inside 'search utensils' to find the sausage.
Egg: One west from the forge entrance, go southeast into a room containing a nest box. Searching the box results in an egg.
Wool: One west of the forge entrance, go south and ask Mrs Shepston about wool for Granny.

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"Knotscape Navigator", in which you hacked some trees for later browsing. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Knotscape Navigator

Skills: >153 ad.direction bonus?
Items: A guide book from the Bad Ass general store
Items: A knife

During summer or autumn: Go to the Bad Ass smithy and say "help" while Gordo Smith is there, then "yes".  Follow Kev when he shows up.  "judge" the distance to the town when he tells you to, and use the book to carve the appropriate symbols on the trees.

During winter or spring: Go back to the smithy and say something about "marking grooves" to Gordo Smith, then say "yes".  Drink the beer he gives you, and you'll wake up outside of town in the forest.  "feel trees" to translate the grooves on the trees, then "head  <dir> for <number> miles" in the indicated direction and distance to attempt to get back to the village.  There is some randomness involved in the skillcheck, so you might have to try several times.

The relevant information from the guide is reproduced below:

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Brass Neck quests

"Bad Sport", in which you found a way to cheat at wholesome games. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Bad Sport

In autumn, get a chestnut from one of the rooms along the northern road, west along the Brass Neck market. Get a piece of string from the misc stall and 'pierce' the chestnut with a piercing weapon, then 'thread chestnut with string'. This will result in a conker. After this, you must go into the pantry of Annie Spindlewits and get the wine bottle off of the shelf. Scrape the mould on the wall with a dagger and put it in the wine bottle, turning the liquid inside into vinegar. Soak the conker in the bottle and give the resulting hardened conker to the saddened child wandering around the town.

Note that the quest cannot be completed outside of autumn.

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"Go-Between", in which you showed your true colour. (Quest level 5)

Discworld quest page for Go-Between

Items: 25 crowns - You can use 2 sovereigns and 1 crown, tested 18/09/2022
Go to Annie Spindlewits and say 'Granville wants the statue.'  Give her the money and she will give you a statue. Then, statue in hand go to the general store and give the statue to Granville. Granville will give you 50 crowns for it and your alignment will be shifted closer to evil.  Alternatively, you can give Annie the full 50 crowns and your alignment will be shifted closer to good.

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"Patron Of The Arts", in which you mixed it up a little. (Quest level 5)

Discworld quest page for Patron Of The Arts

Items: A hammer (used to PULVERISE the stones, rocks, and pebbles into powder) and 1-3 bottles of linseed oil (can be bought in the stall in town)
Items: Red rocks (north of the inn), yellow stones (on the south path into town), blue pebbles (Annie Spindlewits' garden)
Items: 1-3 eggs (shelf in Annie's pantry)
Items: Water (Annie's well), bottles are available in the scullery basket or bin
Offer to help Virgo Vango in Brass Neck and he will give you a colour of paint which he desires.  Next, create each primary colour of paint in the bowl in Virgo's back room.  Required syntaxes are:
clean bowl
break egg into bowl
mix red powder into bowl
mix oil into bowl
mix water in bottle into bowl
Repeat the above steps for the yellow and blue powder, as needed to create your colour.  Each bottle should have 3 doses of paint which can be mixed into the new shade, using "mix red paint in paint bottle into bowl".  No colour will require more than three doses of each primary colour. The rules for colour mixing are straightforward: red + blue makes purple, red + yellow makes orange, yellow + blue makes green, red + blue + yellow makes brown.  1 dose of each colour is a "pale" shade and 3 doses of each colour is a "dark" shade.  2 doses is just the regular colour.  If the colour desired is a mixed colour (green-brown), then you need brown (red + blue + yellow) plus green (blue + yellow), meaning you need 1 red + 2 blue + 2 yellow.  Greenish-brown would be more brown then green, hence double the brown aspect (2 red + 2 blue + 2 yellow) before adding the green (1 blue + 1 yellow) for a total of (2 red + 3 blue + 3 yellow).  If one part of the colour is "ish", there's less of that colour than the second part of the colour.  If there's no "ish", the two parts are equal.
There's some colours that mix different ratios of all three colours (1 red + 2  blue + 3 yellow, etc), such as gold, copper, bronze, turquoise, violet, and magenta.  For those, look at the most prevalant colour (red for magenta) and use three parts of that.  Then look at the second most prevalant colour (blue for magenta, because magenta is purplish) and use two parts of that.  Use one part of the remaining colour.  When you have created the right colour, 'scoop paint into bottle'. Give the desired shade to Virgo Vango.

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Copperhead Mines quests

"Lover Mine", in which you brought tragic news of one lover to another. (Quest level 6)

Discworld quest page for Lover Mine

Skills: Dwarven written
Enter different instances of the abandoned mineshaft until you find a great hall whose corridor is propped up by a fallen beam. Crawl and move to the opposite direction of the door. On the other side is a passcode door, which requires the ability to read Dwarfish to open. You need to "read the wall" to get the passcode. Next, you need to input the passcode on the buttons on the door by pressing the corresponding button with "press <position> button".

The following numbers correspond with the following positions:
0: bottom
1: lower left
2: lower middle
3: lower right
4: middle left
5: middle
6: middle right
7: top left
8: top middle
9: top right

Once you have entered all the numbers, you need to "press the long button". If you have entered the passcode correctly, a door will open. Enter and a cutscene will play. After you regain consciousness, you will get a broken locket.
To exit the room, "pull the smaller levers" to reveal a trapdoor (you may need to add "nosoul" in the front). Climb through it to reach the vertical shaft.
Return to Copperhead and find Knar Ironbeard. "give the broken locket to Knar Ironbeard" to complete the quest.

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Creel Springs quests

"Matefinder", in which you helped a pair in a gender non-specific way. (Quest level 3)

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"Naval Astronomer", in which you helped a star rise to its rightful place. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Naval Astronomer

Skills: other.movement.swimming bonus sufficient for your burdening
Swim to the bottom of the pool located in Creel Springs then 'enter cave'. From the cave, go west and 'search rocks'. Make sure to get the starfish as it does not automatically go into your carried inventory. Exit the pool and go to the room outside the bathing shoppe. Once outside, 'hang starfish on nail' to complete.

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Lancre Town quests

"Bumpkin Brawler", in which you spilt one pint too many. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Bumpkin Brawler

Go to the pub in Lancre Town, go upstairs and 'swing on chandelier' (Cutting the rope it's hanging on may also work.) This will drop you into the bar and start a fight with a big yokel and a random number of other yokels. Killing the big yokel will result in the quest being complete. Leaving the room to heal or shield is fine and will not change the outcome of the quest. Note that you can't leave the room by the door after they start fighting you, but you can go up the stairs.

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"Demon Squeezer", in which you forced an answer out of a grumpy imp. (Quest level 5)

Discworld quest page for Demon Squeezer

Friends: 3 participants total
Skills: Player A: magic.methods.spiritual.summoning, .abjuring, and .conjuring
Skills: Player B: magic.methods.spiritual.summoning, magic.spells.special, and magic.methods.mental.convoking
Skills: Player C: magic.methods.spiritual.summoning, magic.methods.physical.binding, and .evoking
Items: copper stick (see Rodent Aviation Expert in Mad Stoat)
Items: soap flakes (see Soap Groper in Mad Stoat)
Items: scrubbing brush and washboard (search the copper in the scullary of Granny's house in Bad Ass)
Items: washing soda (scrape the lump off the shelf in Granny's scullary)
Go to Nanny Ogg's wash house in Lancre Town, and do the following in order:
Player A: Light the fire and wave the copper stick.  Say "We conjure and abjure thee by means of this sharp and terrible copper stick".
Player B: After getting a message that you should do something, scatter the flakes, pour the soda, and say "See how we scatter rather old washing soda and some extremely hard soap flakes in thy honour".
Player C: Bang the brush against the washboard, then say "And I invoke and bind thee with the balding scrubbing brush of Art and the washboard of Protection".

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"Expectant Client", in which you performed the usual service. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Expectant Client

Go to the forge in Lancre Town and 'say Nanny needs you to baby-sit for our Pewsey' to Jason Ogg (Simply saying 'nanny pewsey' would suffice.) After he complains, 'say no' and then wait. Once DEATH arrives, 'shoe horse' and then wait until he decides he is done with the biscuits, not that you could move if you wanted to.

Note: It must be YOU that sends Jason Ogg away. If you have a friend do so because of language barriers between you and Jason, the command "shoe horse" will not work, though Death does arrive.

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"Faithful Flitch", in which you convinced the world you were faithful. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Faithful Flitch

Skills: 101 other.culture.lancrasian bonus
While married to only one player, go to the room just south of the market pentangle, with no north exit. 'convince council' will start an interrogation, every question must be answered with a 'no'.

Convincing the council, and answering the questions, requires gp (apparently around 10-20 for each question).  Attempting the quest without enough gp (presumably of the people variety) results in losing all but one hitpoint and becoming slightly drunk.

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"Unicorn Tamer", in which you pacified an elven intruder. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Unicorn Tamer

After having completed the Expectant Client quest, go to Granny's cottage in Bad Ass. Search the rug and it will mention a human hair. Pluck the hair from the rug. Hair in hand, go to the signposted junction between Bad Ass, Mad Stoat, and the customs troll's bridge. The clearing is a few north of here, but you have to walk east around the Lancre Gorge to get there. The minute you get into this room, a very brutal unicorn will attack you be prepared and 'lasso unicorn with noose'. While in this room, 'search pool' to recover a silver horseshoe. Horseshoe in hand, begin to 'lead' the unicorn to the forge in Lancre Town. DO NOT LEAD THE UNICORN SOUTH INTO THE RIVER! You will lose the unicorn and have to wait for it to respawn. Instead, go east from the clearing, taking you to the road and bypassing the river. Once in the forge 'shoe unicorn with silver horseshoe'.

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Mad Stoat quests

"Rodent Aviation Expert", in which you bounced a mouse around a house. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Rodent Aviation Expert

Items: cheese (from the cupboard in the kitchen in the Stylish Thief house)
Items: a knife
Go to the witch's cottage on the east end of town.  Cut the cheese in half (or more slices to allow more attempts), put 1 slice on the table, "rock" the chair, and put 1 slice on the spring.  It is recommended to set an alias for this like: alias quest put cheese on table; rock chair; put cheese on spring. As sometimes the chair stops rocking and you can not complete this quest without waiting for things to reset. These actions will knock down the copper stick used in Demon Squeezer (Lancre Town).

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"Soap Groper", in which you picked up the soap. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Soap Groper

Items: a knife
Go to the witch's cottage on the east end of town.  Go to the kitchen and "pull" the chain in the basin, then hold the knife and "scrape" the flakes in the basin.  This will give you soap used in the Demon Squeezer quest (Lancre Town).

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"Stylish Thief", in which you stole items from the thieves' treasure trove. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Stylish Thief

Skills: 191 covert.manipulation.stealing bonus(non-thief). Different for thief? (please confirm) [Zorgle (thief) was successful with 183 co.ma.steal bonus.]
Skills: 100 adventuring.perception bonus
Skills: 150 covert.lockpick.doors bonus
Go to the dark house on the southwest edge of town.  In the entry, "move rug" and go down.  The rogues will attack any non-thieves over guild level 25, and prevent non-thieves from going down.  Go down again, possibly needing "sneak", and more rogues will say hi. Go to the dark alcove and search.  If you can see a hole, lockpick lock.  If you fail, you'll take a little damage.  When you succeed, you'll end up in another room, where you can "steal daggers".  You'll lose a lot of hp if you fail, but not enough to die if you're healed up.  If you succeed, you get two thieves' daggers.

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"Well Fisher", in which you gave a desperate frog much needed release. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Well Fisher

Skills: 175 or less other.movement.climbing.rope bonus
Skills: 150 or less covert.manipulation.sleight-of-hand bonus
Items: a hammer, or the copper stick from Rodent Aviation Expert (note: a custom wizard's staff worked too, maybe any sufficiently heavy weapon)
Go to the house from Stylish Thief and go upstairs.  Break the mirror with a hammer and get the key.  Go to the burnt shop on the short street just before the witch's cottage.  Go into the shop with the key, then go east and lift the loose floorboard.  Get the box from the hole, open it, and get the doll.  Go to the pond at the northwest end of town, and give the doll to Maggie.  Get the net, and go to the well near the centre of town.  "crank" the winch (make sure the bucket is down) and climb the rope to descend into the well, and "fish" for the frog with the net.  Climb back out and go back to the pond, then release the frog.

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Mad Wolf quests

"Hunter's Friend", in which you showed a hunter the errors of his ways. (Quest level 5)

Discworld quest page for Hunter's Friend

Skills: 55 or less crafts.hunting.trapping (as of 9/2018 I found it impossible to deactivate the trap with less than 100 bonus - Kemolian (talk))
Items: healing tea
Go to the hidden clearing south from the forest trail in town.  Disarm the trap and go to Sven's cottage on the northeast side of town, and give him the dog.  "Push" through the brush on the main road through the village to get to the hidden eastern path and follow it until you reach a cottage.  "Get" the cobweb, then go into the kitchen and "get" the fungus.  "Soak" the fungus in the tea, then "attach" the cobwebs to the fungus and give the healing salve to Sven.

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"Sheep Saviour", in which you fleeced a baaad robber. (Quest level 6)

Discworld quest page for Sheep Saviour

Skills: 158 crafts.hunting.tracking bonus
Go to Madeline's house and get Florian's shirt from the cupboard.  Don't wear it.  Next, go into the kitchen and try to get the honey.  Now that you're nice and sticky, go to the shed and roll around in the fleece.  Then go to the paddock and wait around for a while.  When the wolf shows up and grabs a sheep, go east, then "investigate" his tracks to follow him another 4 rooms.  Kill the wolf (bring tea), and go down.  Flossie the sheep will follow you when she smells the shirt, so lead her back to the paddock.

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Razorback quests

"Bull Ring Breeding Expert", in which you helped love pierce the heart and nose. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Bull Ring Breeding Expert

Go to the barn in the northwest area of town, and into the barn.  Upstairs, get a bail of hay, go downstairs and put it in the trough, then get/pull the ring from from the bull's nose.  Go to Heinie's shed west of the pasture and say 'nose ring', and give it to him when he asks where to get one.  Lead him to the milkmaid in the dairy nearby.

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"Cheesy Goat Charmer", in which you lured it and stirred it. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Cheesy Goat Charmer

Skills: Some troll-killing ability
Search Heinie's cot near the pasture on the northwest edge of town, and spray yourself with the aftershave.  Go to the bridge, then go down.  Once the goat gets a whiff and starts following you, go up the path after killing the troll (the troll is not initially hostile).  Lead the goat to the dairy, and search objects twice in the storeroom to get the bucket and cheesecloth, and get the paddle from the churn. Go back to the first room of the dairy, and search the shelves to get the ripener (inside a small waxed paper packet).  Sit on the stool, drop the bucket, and milk the goat into it until she runs dry.  Get the bucket and pour the milk into the barrel (not the butter churn!) and add the ripener from the wax packet.  Stir the barrel with the paddle until curds form, then get the curds and wrap them in the cheesecloth.  Unwrap the cloth to get the cheese.

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Slice quests

"Little Piggy", in which you discovered a new definition of posh. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Little Piggy

Go to Muckloe's house on the eastern end of town and count Old Mucloe's toes.  Then go to Goodwife Muckloe in the pigsty across the street, and tell her how many toes he has. Make sure to spell the toes - fifeteen, twelve, etc.

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"Pig Physician", in which you helped create a healing oinkment. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Pig Physician

Go to the pigsty on the east end of town.  When one pig is looking ill, say something about the sick pig to the Goodwife there, and she'll send you to Millie.  Ask Millie about the pig cure and she'll send you after four of the following items (three ingredients and one stirring utensil):
*Comfrey: "gather" it in the garden and grind it.
*Crystal ladle: available in a general shop near the Weapon Master's Court on Vagabond Street in AM.
*Ivy seeds: from the roof of Granny's house near Bad Ass.
*Yarrow: "gather" it in the garden and grind it.
*Peanuts: See the Ray of Sunshine quest, OR from the brown islands T-Ferry.
*Honey: In the garden, open the hive and get a honeycomb from it.  Inside, get a bottle from the shelf and "shake" the honey into it, then get the honey from the bottle.
*Powdered frog: from the apothecary in AM near Apothecary Gardens.
*Rosemary: "gather" it in Agnes Nitt's cottage.
*Paddle: see the Cheesy Goat Charmer quest in Razorback for paddle location.
*Copper stick: see Rodent Aviation Expert quest in Mad Stoat.
*Silver fork: Silver shop in Djelibeybi.
Give the ingredients to Millie and give the resulting concoction to Goodwife Muckloe when there's a sick pig in the room with her.  You can also make the the concoction before Goodwife Muckloe asks you to help her, and give it to her later.

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"Ray Of Sunshine", in which you brought light to a despairing nut. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Ray Of Sunshine

Items: a shovel
Items: two light sources, at least one of which is a torch
Buy a rope from the climbing shop and tie it to the spike at the northern dead end in town.  Climb down and dig in rockfall with the shovel, then go southwest and light the torch to "illuminate" the bush.  You'll get peanuts after a bit, which can be used in the Pig Physician quest.

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Slippery Hollow quests

"Hollow Hero", in which you solved the mystery of Slippery Hollow. (Quest level 8)

Discworld quest page for Hollow Hero

Quests Required: Hollow Recruit
Skills required: some ad.direction (160+ worked), Hp for survival

Follow the link to the Mud Quest solution for steps to follow. The advise below is for the forest maze and the fight at the windmill.

Hints for the forest maze:
- Directions are hidden, so you will need to try all exits to explore the forest maze.
- Some exits in rooms will one-way teleport you to another part of the maze.
    - Example: you go northeast from room A to room B. If that was a one-way exit, going southwest from room B will not bring you back to A
- Always be prepared to move quickly when exiting a room in the maze, as you may face very dangerous enemies
- The most dangerous things in the forest maze are the bandersnatch and jabberwocky, they can do a lot of damage in a few rounds. Try to run to the entrance when you see them.
- It may seem that you have explored all rooms in the maze, but remember to try all exits
- The Tree of the Dead is located deep within the forest maze

Fight at the windmill:
- The fight isn't very hard, but you can't exit after you start the fight

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"Hollow Recruit", in which you joined the fight to save Slippery Hollow. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Hollow Recruit

Skills: 101+ bonus in crafts.medicine.treatment.injury
Items: 12 Shillings

Go to the mansion in Slippery Hollow, and find Irkabod Stork in the study. Tell him "I want to help" (or "I wish to aid in the investigation"), then "yes", then say "checking in". He'll send you to buy the 3 different local guidebooks (red, brown and blue), which are sold by Agnetha Phedre in a house near the entrance to Slippery Hollow for 4 shillings each.
Return to Irkabod and say "checking in", and give him each book as he asks for them. Say "checking in" again, and he'll ask you to get another book for him (the title is Lancre's Forbidden History).

Now you'll have to complete the library puzzle. You're looking for "Lancre's Forbidden History", and you'll be able to use "Harrmorton's Illustrated Arsenal" as a reference.
You need to 'Seek "Harrmorton's Illustrated Arsenal"' and make note of the letter it gives you - it'll correspond to either the first, middle or last letter of one of the three words. You'll then need to 'seek "Lancre's Forbidden History" under _' where _ is the letter that corresponds to that position. For example, if "Harrmorton's Illustrated Arsenal" was found under A, you'd need to seek "Lancre's Forbidden History" under H.

There are 3 steps to the library minigame which must be completed in order. The first step's letter uses the book's name, the second step's letter uses the description, and the third step's letter uses some words on the first page.

For reference:
"Harrmorton's Illustrated Arsenal" is a "humongous foxed black" book with "For Neville Cloplaw" written on the first page.
"Lancre's Forbidden History" is a "weighty smeared brown" book with "Mysteriis Diabolica Perquor" written on the first page.

Once you complete the 3 steps, there will be a cutscene. Wait, and you'll be returned to Irkabod. Say "checking in" again, and then once more when he's done speaking. He'll send you to see Doctor Lancreman, who is in a house between the mansion and the main crossroads of Slippery Hollow. Head into the back room, where the corpse is.

You'll have to examine the various parts of the corpse, searching for the important clues. They can be found by examining the: angle, surface, tearing, crust and clots.

Once the corpse is examined, read the note. It'll tell you to create <opacity> <colour> chemical.

Colour:
red+blue -> purple
red+yellow -> orange
yellow+blue -> green

Opacity:
clear+cloudy -> misty
clear+opaque -> swirly
cloudy+opaque -> translucent

The chemicals are mixed using:
mix <texture1> <colour1> and <texture2> <colour2> chemicals.

You'll then need to examine the left hand. This is where the crafts.medicine.treatment.injury check is required.

Finally, there is a piece of paper stuck in the right hand. You'll need to "manipulate" the correct sequence of fingers to open the whole hand. Each finger/thumb has it's own configuration of fingers that also move when you manipulate it. The easiest way to pass this minigame is to write down which fingers affect which other fingers and you should be able to solve it within a few moves.

When you complete the minigame, you will need to sit through another cutscene. When it's over, you can go back to the mansion and say "checking in" to Irkabod Stork for a final time to complete the quest.

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Listening Monks quests

"Artistic Renovator", in which you completed the circle with an eye for detail. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Artistic Renovator

Go to the anteroom of the Listening Monk's Temple and 'search papers' to get a tube of sticky glue.  Then go to the shop and 'search boxes' to get a box with four tiles in it. Each tile belongs to a different mosaic within the temple. Walk the main corridor of the temple looking at the mosaics in each room, matching the tiles to the ones with missing bits. The syntax is 'stick tile to mosaic with tube'. In order from the entrance of the temple:
Round and black, resembles pupil - Mosaic of Blind Io
Almost black, 2x4 sides - Mosaic of overgrown temple, 2x4 side tiles
Octarine colour - Mosaic of the rimfall
Sand coloured tile - Mosaic of pyramids of the Necropolis

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"Blade Listener", in which you passed a dangerous trial of perception. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Blade Listener

Items: monk habit, broom (supposedly) or broomstick (confirmed). For further joy, bring a lockpick and know the pick command.

In the down room off the main corridor is a quiet monk guarding a hallway of blades. If you stick around, you might notice other monks showing them a broom and being allowed down the hall without the accompanying screams and blood. Wear your monk habit and "show broom to monk". When you get through the hall to the final room the quest will be awarded. A lockpick will help you reap your reward.

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"Earitating Student", in which you had lessons in a subtle art. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Earitating Student

Go to the novice dorms in the Temple of the Listening Monks and ask Brother Harken about becoming a novice (you'll have to whisper, he doesn't like too much noise). Next, search the beds to find a coral ear horn - if it's not there, there may be one in stock in the temple shop. Once you have it, go into the garden two rooms south and listen to the grass with the horn. After that, go to a small passage on the west side, south from the entrance to the library - where there is a paint bucket. Paint the wall and then listen to the paint with the horn. Next, go to the library and research shillings, sixpences, and thruppences to find out what sounds they make. Remember these noises. Finally, go back to Brother Harken and give him a shilling, a sixpence, and a thruppence. He will flip one of the coins. Depending on those noise, you can whisper to him the coin he flipped, and then guess if it was heads or tails. An example answer would be 'sixpence, heads'. If you get it wrong then he'll send you back to the library to research some more, and when you feel prepared you can come back and try again.

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"Preserver Of Peace", in which you kept the volume down. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Preserver Of Peace

Skills: between 113-130 cr.ma.ne to succeed
Go to the north most room of the hotel on the east side of Lancre Town to find Brother Turbil. Mention the word 'assist' to him and he will give you a pair of holey overshoes. Go to the south house in Listeners' Valley and 'search basket'. Do this until you find a Zhu Ming Duck-Egg Blue thread or they are too tangled. The thread spawns randomly and may require more than one trip. Once you have this, mend the shoes using a needle. In order to mend, 'hold needle', 'thread needle with blue thread', and 'mend overshoes with needle'. If your skill is not sufficient, you may need to find multiple threads and mend it repeatedly until it is in excellent condition. The ritual mend will NOT work for this quest. Once the shoes are repaired, continue onto the Temple of Listening Monks and on the top step of the entrance you will find a silent or worried novice. Give him the mended overshoes and you will receive the quest.

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Ohulan-Cutash quests

"Friend of Tourists", in which you helped a tourist get ready for his vacation. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Friend of Tourists

Go to the house with the big dog (in Skund Forest). You'll have to do Dog Pal first, or kill the dog. Search the cookie jar in the kitchen to get a key. Go down to the basement, move the boxes and go through the door. Say 'twoflower misses you' and 'follow me', and lead the Luggage to Ohulan-Cutash. It won't follow through portals. Go upstairs in the Fiddler's Riddle Inn and enter the left room. Twoflower will give you his camera for returning the Luggage to him.

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Temple of Soyin quests

"Blade Forger", in which you returned a holy artifact to its place of origin. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Blade Forger

Skills: 102 crafts.smithing.black.weapons bonus
Items: A smith's hammer (I managed to do this with the hammer in my backpack accidentally so don't think you really need this for this quest, only Weapon Forger) (No hammer needed)
Items: 2 lancre crowns

Go to the locked cottage in Mad Stoat that isn't a playerhouse (no plaque/number) and get in either with the key from a jolly woman living nearby (Say you need the key, say you will help her), or by picking the lock.  Get the ivory handle from the table.
Go to the Shepston house in Bad Ass (via the back door) and get the metal stick from a drawer.
Go to the forge in Bad Ass and "forge" the items to make a blade.

The Blade of Soyin thus forged is a different weapon then the Holy Blade of Soyin which can be acquired from the T-shop. Unfortunately, you cannot forge another Blade of Soyin, if you lose it you can't complete the quest and by finishing the quest the Blade of Soyin is gone.

Take the blade to the temple of Soyin (you probably need a taxi/cabbie to get there), go to the temple gift shop, and buy the amulet of confession.  Wear the amulet, go into confessions room, and place the blade in the alcove.

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Monks of Cool quests

"Cocktail Addict", in which you enjoyed a variety of beverages. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Cocktail Addict

Items: 30-40 crowns
Order 20 different beverages from the bar upstairs.  The "regular" drinks count too, and the specials periodically change.  Only 3-4 specials are listed at a time, in addition to the 3-4 regular drinks, so it can take a while to get 20 different drinks.  You don't need to drink them, just to buy them.

More info: Temple of Cool cocktails

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"Cool Dresser", in which you discovered some really Cool things to wear. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Cool Dresser

Items: Sunglasses from the general store in Slice (nowhere else)
Items: V-neck shirt from the general store in Mad Wolf
Items: Black silk vest from the general store in the Unnamed town just east of Escrow
Go into the Temple of the Monks of Cool and find the Fashion Police. Wear the three items of clothing and go south past the member of the Fashion Police. If you are able to get into the shrine, you should be awarded the quest.
Note: Clothing items can only be used once for this quest.

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Escrow quests

"Sentimentalist", in which you demonstrated a little control over expression. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Sentimentalist

Find Pireria in the Escrow town hall.

She will instruct you to huggle her warmly, wuffle her gently, and hug her tightly.

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Magpyr Castle quests

"Hatched Out", in which you conquered the evil within to release the flame of goodness into the world. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Hatched Out

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"Maestro", in which you traded key for key and made beautiful music. (Quest level 5)

Discworld quest page for Maestro

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"Scraps Mender", in which you risked life, limb and bad hair to save a beloved pet. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Scraps Mender

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"Superior Sportsman", in which you traveled long and far and vanquished a terrible menace. (Quest level 7)

Discworld quest page for Superior Sportsman

Note that the vampires you need to kill to get the quest are as difficult as you'd expect them to be (which is EXTREMELY difficult - bring friends or be very large.

Travel through Uberwald to Magpyr Castle, find your way into the castle dungeons, and kill Count Magpyr. Attempts at skipping part of the route with a portal or passage may lead to you not getting the quest - it's most unsportsmanlike behaviour!

To get to the castle, follow the road east out of Escrow, and follow the signs. The trail will end at a river, with a sign warning that the bridge is out. Make your way across the river, approach the castle from the east, and make your way through to the point where a cliff path leads off to the east.

Now to get into the castle itself, follow the cliff path until you can climb the wall and enter the window. Once inside, search the frame of the painting to find the key of the door to the south. Explore this floor until you get to the garderobe.

Climb into the garderobe and you'll fall into a cesspit. Search the floor for a small key, then move the piles of filth to expose a door to the west. You are now outside the castle again, so will have to climb the walls again.

You now have access to the great hall, so once inside, find your way there and then do the Maestro quest to get access to Igor's room on the ground floor of the castle.

In Igor's room, search the mattress to find the dungeon key. Also search the stuffing to find a keyring for all the keys!

Go west into the dungeon. Continue on into the dungeon until you can see a gem in the carvings on the wall. If you try to get this gem, then Vlad will appear. Kill him and take his key. Go to the next room and do the same with Lacrimosa. Go north twice (if you have the keys you can just unlock the doors otherwise you'll have to pick the locks). In the room with the sarcophagus, open it and kill the count to get the quest.

Note:  you must be alone when you open the sarcophagus and kill the Count - if anyone else is in the same room (including clouds, balls of light, fruitbats, etc), he will disappear and the quest will fail. You'll need to come back and restart it some other time, once it resets. You do not need to repeat every other part of the quest, only the final part.

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Pictsie Barrows quests

"Intoxicating Linguist", in which you loosened a Feegle's tongue with strong drink. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Intoxicating Linguist

Skills: Some ad.mo.swimming or the ability to cast Finneblaugh's Thaumic Float
Items: Scumble (a bottle with a pint of scumble can be found by searching Nanny Ogg's drink cabinet in nearby Lancre Town)
Follow the road from Creel Springs to Blackglass until you see an island on the map, and enter the barrows from the east (this requires either swimming across or floating across one room of the lake around the barrows). Find Fione mac Feegle and say "help". Then give her scumble. She seems to want about a pint (the amount of scumble that's in a bottle when you buy it) although it doesn't seem to have to be all at once. It doesn't matter if the scumble in the container is mixed with something else. Then "enroll", and Fione will ask you to repeat some phrases. There are four lessons, and you have to wait a bit before enrolling again. You can try enrolling before you hand over the scumble to check whether you've waited long enough. After the final lesson, you'll get some skills in Uberwaldean (and in Lancrastian culture) and the quest.

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