Quest:Ankh quests

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Ankh quests

"Coffee Bean", in which you went on a caffeine rush. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Coffee Bean

Go to the Genuan Embassy on Phedre Road and "read tome".  This will take you on a Choose Your Own Adventure type escapade in the book. To move through the book, you type the exit (choice) that you want to follow.  The correct path to get the quest is: Fight, Run, Sit, Show, Shop, Olives, Lemon, Oregano and Liqueur.
To be safe, follow the guide above. The pages to the bad endings are 7, 14, 15, 19, 20, 24 and anything after that, and 27. For the final few pages you can choose either exit. If you don't choose a correct path, you'll have to wait about a minute before opening the tome again.

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"Furniture Hauler", in which you helped a migrating bird. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Furniture Hauler

Find Shazure in the mansion on Speedwell Street a little west of the Council Offices and offer to help her, she will give you wooden flamingo. Give it to Shapaya at her new house on Grunefair, near Dimwell Street.  She'll give you some money and you'll become slightly more good (around a degree, it seems).

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"Know-It-All", in which you went philosophical and used the noggin. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Know-It-All

Items: $2.50
Go to the north side of the Green Lumpy Bit, and "pay" or give the $2.50 to Maximilliam.  Then go into the door that opens, who will ask you a question.  If you get the answer wrong, you'll be dumped into a pit and somehow end up upstream from the Green Lumpy Bit, but you can try again for a while without paying more.  Here's some past questions and answers:
Q. What is the only river you can cross twice? 
A. "The River Ankh"

Q. What does a witch see when she looks in a mirror? 
A. "Herself"

Q. How many assassins does it take to fix a light bulb? 
A. "None"

Q. Say what I say not do as I do, say "feet without shoes or socks"
A. "Feet"

Q. How many people to make a working love potion? 
A. "Two"

Q. You are a mime in Ankh-Morpork, what should you do? And as a hint, there is a single answer of three words.  
A. "Learn the words"

Q. How do you get a drink out of a dwarf?
A. ""

Q. Who is the fifth horseman of the apocalypse? And as a hint, there are two possible answers, either one or two words.
A. "Kaos" or "Ronnie Soak"

Q. What does a wizards staff have on the end? And as a hint, there is a single answer of two words. 
A. "a knob"

Q. What's the surest way to get thrown out of a dwarf bar? And as a hint, there is a single answer of three words.
A. Probably "being too creative"

Q. If you take a left turn in the shades, where are you? As a hint, there is one three-word answer and one two-word answer. 
A. "In trouble" and perhaps "in the shades"?

Q. What is the one distinguishing feature of a Witches hat? And as a hint, there are two possible answers, either four or six words. 
A. "a witch wears it" or "because a witch is wearing it"

Q. Name the first elephant turnwise from here right now. And as a hint, there is one single word answer.
A. "Jerakeen"

Q. Where do people who insult elves keep their teeth? And as a hint, there are two possible answers, either one or three words.
A. Probably "Nowhere" or "They do not"

Q. Why did carrot cross the road? And as a hint, there is a single answer of six words.
A. ""

Q. Translate the dwarfish: b'zugda-hiara, to the Morporkian tongue. And as a hint, there is a single answer of two words. 
A. "lawn ornament"

Q. A dwarf takes a job at Harga's House of Ribs, what is his job description? And as a hint, there are two possible three word answers.
A. "short order chef"

Q. What are the first three lines of the dwarves gold song? there is a single answer of three words.
A. "Gold gold gold"

Q. How does a rat without sauce smell?
A. "With its nose"

Q. What does Solid Jackson fish for?
A. "Curious squid"

Q. How many dwarves does it take to light a torch? And as a hint, there are three possible answers between one and one words.
A. "None" and maybe "We'll have none of that revolutionary strike business around here thank you."

Q. What interest does Chrysoprase charge on overdue loans?
A. "An arm and a leg"

Q. How does one summon a demon?
A. "carefully"

Q. What box at the Opera does the ghost occupy on opening night?
A. "seven plus one"

Q. Who painted "Three large pink women and one piece of gauze"?  And as a hint, there is one single word answer.
A. "Caravati"

Q. What box at the Opera does the ghost occupy on opening night?
A. "seven plus one"

Q. Name the second elephant turnwise from here right now.  And as a hint, there is one single word answer.
A. "Tubul"

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"Mapmaker Caretaker", in which you changed a big mess into a slightly smaller mess. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Mapmaker Caretaker

Go to the map store on the southwest end of Ankh Street (it's around the NW part of AM, near Traitors Gate) Go south and "stack" the papers a few times until it says you're done.  Next, go upstairs and "make bed" and "empty" or "drain" the sink, then "fill sink" and "wash dishes".

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"Pandora's Playmate", in which you tried to please an ungrateful brat. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Pandora's Playmate

Go to the house at the northeast end of Fast Lane, just south of Endless Street.  Hang any clothing item on the hat stand, and when it collapses retrieve the clothing and get the key.  Go to the house on the southwest end of Fast Lane, and go upstairs to Pandora's room.  Give her the key.  You'll get a huge chocolate cake.

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"Pizza Sneaker", in which you managed to sneak out with a pizza you hadn't paid for. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Pizza Sneaker

Items: $10
Go into the pizza shop on Artorollo Alley, which is just south of The Tumps.  "order" a speciality pizza, then take it down into the basement and "search compartment", then leave west.

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"Polite Shopper", in which you used common sense to visit an exclusive place. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Polite Shopper

Go to the import emporium on the northwest end of Park Lane and knock on the door, then just say your name when someone asks for it.

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"Saboteur's Tool", in which you engaged in an act of corporate sabotage. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Saboteur's Tool

You need to give a rat farming tool to Noelle at the Kart Kill Kafe (intersection of Dock Road and The Soake). The rat tool can be found by exploring the rat farm a little way up The Soake. The chest containing the tool will be locked, but the key can also be found in the farm. NOTE: There are multiple rats per room and they auto-attack together. Nasty things.

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