Quest:Ankh-Morpork quests

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Ankh-Morpork quests

"Bored Of The Ring", in which you reunited a dwarf and his precious. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Bored Of The Ring

First find the LAG.  If you shout "lag" in Ankh-Morpork (and the LAG is alive) it shouts back, showing you what direction it is in. Kill the LAG or otherwise acquire its ring. Killing it can be pretty damned hard, but you don't have to kill it yourself so long as you get the ring.  Find Prodo Laggins wandering around AM and give him the ring.

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"Demon Friend", in which you were tricked by hungry demons. (Quest level 5)

Discworld quest page for Demon Friend

First, gather the following items:

A sea shell found by searching inside the conch shop on Cockbill Street.
A cauldron, found by searching inside the house east of Rimward Gate, after getting rid of the lady inhabiting it.
The black frisbee for sale in the T-shop or from the Foreign Ambassadors' Reception in Djelibeybi.
A crystal ladle, for sale in the general shop on Vagabond Street.
A giant coin, which is in fact the table in the money changers on the Street of Bookkeepers (This is heavy, if you cannot pick it up, drag it).
A strange angler fish, found by searching outside the Fishermen's Guild (This will decay so it's worth getting it last, along with the toadstools).
Four large toadstools, found growing on the Tump (This will decay so it's worth getting it last, along with the angler fish).

The cauldron must be filled with water from the Ankh, either by entering the liquid parts of the river within the city, or by digging in the solid parts of it with a shovel and filling it with the water that bubbles up.

Take all of the items into the room outside of the Least Gate (Eastern most Ankh gate) that mentions a clearning, drop them all except the shell, then "blow" into the shell.

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"Doppleganger", in which you recognised locals from afar. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Doppleganger

There are unique, named NPCs wandering around AM that have names that are current or former creator names in reverse.  Say the creator name (usually the reversed name of the NPC) in the same room with them - e.g. for Mota 'say atom'.  Presto's NPC is Notserp (but say Presto). It might not be required to find all of them.

The dopplegangers are: Adnew, Alab Nad, Analla, Anarual, Ahtued, Dyffat, Eki Rhs, Endaira, Enim Rac, Euq, Eur, Hsif K'nip, Ilik, Kelsej, Mota, Nacirrut, Naiu Q Sad, Nadow, Nmad'ho, Notserp (in his case, the name you need to say is "Presto"), Nyvven, Repurg, Retlobgod, Sebboh, Serec, Sokkard, Sssld, Suoiruc, Y Llit.

The required subset for the quest is likely Adnew, Anarual, Endaira, Euq, Eur, Hsif K'nip, Kelsej, Mota, Nacirrut, Nmad'ho, Notserp/Presto and Nyvven - that is, the original twelve quest dopples, before Dogbolter started expanding them in the early '00s.

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"Errand Runner", in which you delivered a long awaited parcel. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Errand Runner

Go to the sorting room of the Post Office on Widdershins Broadway. Say "details" or "help" and read the parcel to see where to "deliver" it.  You will have to "deliver" the parcel all over AM untill you found the correct person. You'll get $25.

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"Executive Chatter", in which you got ripped off by a telepathic imp. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Executive Chatter

Skills: Guild Level 150
Items: 15 royals
Find the Greedy Imp who wanders around AM.  DO NOT GIVE HIM THE MONEY.  Follow him or he'll walk off after a few seconds. Say "fifteen", and ask about his exclusive club and the the fee for joining. Say "know what I mean?" and then "wink" at him the way he winked at you. You will get the quest when he swipe your royals immediately after you winked and you'll have access to talker channels A'Tuin & Intermud.

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"Sign Reader", in which you followed the signs in order to return some stolen property.. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Sign Reader

Skills: 25 levels adventuring.movement.climbing.rock to stay on the stepladder (118 bonus or less)
Items: crowbar, stepladder (in the basement of the Post Office)
Outside the main entrance of the post office there is a notice which misses letters. They have been "repurposed" to create (street) signs elsewhere in Ankh-Morpork. If there is a street sign, the room description (verbose as well as brief) ends with "a bronze sign is fixed to the wall." 
Known location of the street signs are:
* The east end of Filigree Street (North of Assassins Guild)
* The south end of Upper Broadway
* The east end of God Street
* (The east end of) Grunefair
* The north end of King's Way (at the King's Way Rathskeller)
* (The northwest end of) Quarry lane (southeast of Sticken Place)
* (The northeast end of) Merchants Street
* (The east end of) Zephire Street (west of Dolly Sisters)
Use the crowbar to "pry" the letters off. Having recovered the letters go back to the post office and "set up" the stepladder you will find in the basement to "replace" the letters on the notice. 
The notice will read now: NEITHER RAIN NOR SNOW NOR GLOOM OF NIGHT CAN STAY THESE MESSENGERS ABOUT THEIR DUTY.

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"Uncobbled", in which you shooed some obnoxious shoes. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Uncobbled

As you wander around AM, an evil cobbler might pop out and put nasty shoes on you.  "untie" the laces to get the quest.

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"Weight Watcher", in which you realised that sometimes you have to be kind to be cruel. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Weight Watcher

Items: 5 watermelons (fruit shop on Baker Street, or free outside Djelibeybi during the right season), or 2 dead eels from Little Agatea and a knife
Find Louis Bingham as he wanders AM.  Keep cutting the food until they're too small to cut further, then give one piece at a time to Louis.  Wait until he's finished one before giving him the next.  This is based on number of food items, not on weight or value, and you need to give him at least 50.  Eventually he'll explode. Note: It may be that you need to use "fresh" food, 64 cured sixteenths of a dead eel did not get the quest. The number of items fed seems to carry over for some time, so you can make multiple visits many days apart and still get the quest - gave up after a while and two weeks later fed one more 16th of melon and he exploded!

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"Wine Connoisseur", in which you filled both pouch and bladder. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Wine Connoisseur

Go to the Flintwick building near the south end of Lobbin Clout and find Old Bob wandering around in the building.  Say "licence please" and he'll hand it over unless he gave it to someone else already.  Now go to the wine warehouse on the east end of Prouts and give the licence to Benno.  He'll tell you to taste four different barrels.  See syntax "taste".  Then say what you think about it.  Don't quote the message you get when tasting, and I think it compares your answer to all previous answers, and disallows it if it's too similar to someone else's.  Being totally random might help.  When you finish, you'll be drunk and get some money.  Leave the building immediately so you don't fall down the stairs while stumbling around drunk.

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Ankh quests

"Coffee Bean", in which you went on a caffeine rush. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Coffee Bean

Go to the Genuan Embassy on Phedre Road and "read tome".  This will take you on a Choose Your Own Adventure type escapade in the book. To move through the book, you type the exit (choice) that you want to follow.  The correct path to get the quest is: Fight, Run, Sit, Show, Shop, Olives, Lemon, Oregano and Liqueur.
To be safe, follow the guide above. The pages to the bad endings are 7, 14, 15, 19, 20, 24 and anything after that, and 27. For the final few pages you can choose either exit. If you don't choose a correct path, you'll have to wait about a minute before opening the tome again.

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"Furniture Hauler", in which you helped a migrating bird. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Furniture Hauler

Find Shazure in the mansion on Speedwell Street a little west of the Council Offices and offer to help her, she will give you wooden flamingo. Give it to Shapaya at her new house on Grunefair, near Dimwell Street.  She'll give you some money and you'll become slightly more good (around a degree, it seems).

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"Know-It-All", in which you went philosophical and used the noggin. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Know-It-All

Items: $2.50
Go to the north side of the Green Lumpy Bit, and "pay" or give the $2.50 to Maximilliam.  Then go into the door that opens, who will ask you a question.  If you get the answer wrong, you'll be dumped into a pit and somehow end up upstream from the Green Lumpy Bit, but you can try again for a while without paying more.  Here's some past questions and answers:
Q. What is the only river you can cross twice? 
A. "The River Ankh"

Q. What does a witch see when she looks in a mirror? 
A. "Herself"

Q. How many assassins does it take to fix a light bulb? 
A. "None"

Q. Say what I say not do as I do, say "feet without shoes or socks"
A. "Feet"

Q. How many people to make a working love potion? 
A. "Two"

Q. You are a mime in Ankh-Morpork, what should you do? And as a hint, there is a single answer of three words.  
A. "Learn the words"

Q. How do you get a drink out of a dwarf?
A. ""

Q. Who is the fifth horseman of the apocalypse? And as a hint, there are two possible answers, either one or two words.
A. "Kaos" or "Ronnie Soak"

Q. What does a wizards staff have on the end? And as a hint, there is a single answer of two words. 
A. "a knob"

Q. What's the surest way to get thrown out of a dwarf bar? And as a hint, there is a single answer of three words.
A. Probably "being too creative"

Q. If you take a left turn in the shades, where are you? As a hint, there is one three-word answer and one two-word answer. 
A. "In trouble" and perhaps "in the shades"?

Q. What is the one distinguishing feature of a Witches hat? And as a hint, there are two possible answers, either four or six words. 
A. "a witch wears it" or "because a witch is wearing it"

Q. Name the first elephant turnwise from here right now. And as a hint, there is one single word answer.
A. "Jerakeen"

Q. Where do people who insult elves keep their teeth? And as a hint, there are two possible answers, either one or three words.
A. Probably "Nowhere" or "They do not"

Q. Why did carrot cross the road? And as a hint, there is a single answer of six words.
A. ""

Q. Translate the dwarfish: b'zugda-hiara, to the Morporkian tongue. And as a hint, there is a single answer of two words. 
A. "lawn ornament"

Q. A dwarf takes a job at Harga's House of Ribs, what is his job description? And as a hint, there are two possible three word answers.
A. "short order chef"

Q. What are the first three lines of the dwarves gold song? there is a single answer of three words.
A. "Gold gold gold"

Q. How does a rat without sauce smell?
A. "With its nose"

Q. What does Solid Jackson fish for?
A. "Curious squid"

Q. How many dwarves does it take to light a torch? And as a hint, there are three possible answers between one and one words.
A. "None" and maybe "We'll have none of that revolutionary strike business around here thank you."

Q. What interest does Chrysoprase charge on overdue loans?
A. "An arm and a leg"

Q. How does one summon a demon?
A. "carefully"

Q. What box at the Opera does the ghost occupy on opening night?
A. "seven plus one"

Q. Who painted "Three large pink women and one piece of gauze"?  And as a hint, there is one single word answer.
A. "Caravati"

Q. What box at the Opera does the ghost occupy on opening night?
A. "seven plus one"

Q. Name the second elephant turnwise from here right now.  And as a hint, there is one single word answer.
A. "Tubul"

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"Mapmaker Caretaker", in which you changed a big mess into a slightly smaller mess. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Mapmaker Caretaker

Go to the map store on the southwest end of Ankh Street (it's around the NW part of AM, near Traitors Gate) Go south and "stack" the papers a few times until it says you're done.  Next, go upstairs and "make bed" and "empty" or "drain" the sink, then "fill sink" and "wash dishes".

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"Pandora's Playmate", in which you tried to please an ungrateful brat. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Pandora's Playmate

Go to the house at the northeast end of Fast Lane, just south of Endless Street.  Hang any clothing item on the hat stand, and when it collapses retrieve the clothing and get the key.  Go to the house on the southwest end of Fast Lane, and go upstairs to Pandora's room.  Give her the key.  You'll get a huge chocolate cake.

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"Pizza Sneaker", in which you managed to sneak out with a pizza you hadn't paid for. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Pizza Sneaker

Items: $10
Go into the pizza shop on Artorollo Alley, which is just south of The Tumps.  "order" a speciality pizza, then take it down into the basement and "search compartment", then leave west.

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"Polite Shopper", in which you used common sense to visit an exclusive place. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Polite Shopper

Go to the import emporium on the northwest end of Park Lane and knock on the door, then just say your name when someone asks for it.

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"Saboteur's Tool", in which you engaged in an act of corporate sabotage. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Saboteur's Tool

You need to give a rat farming tool to Noelle at the Kart Kill Kafe (intersection of Dock Road and The Soake). The rat tool can be found by exploring the rat farm a little way up The Soake. The chest containing the tool will be locked, but the key can also be found in the farm. NOTE: There are multiple rats per room and they auto-attack together. Nasty things.

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Ankh River quests

"Aquatic Discoverer", in which you did a good deed that went unnoticed. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Aquatic Discoverer

Skills: decent adventuring.movement.swimming bonus (100+?), light or no inventory, empty hands and bare feet help as well.
Swim around in the watery part of the eastern end of the Ankh River, until you see a duck.  I think it's usually between Wooden Bridge and Water Bridge.  "quack" at the duck, and it will follow you.  Take the duck to Duck Man, who is usually loitering with his buddies on the west end of Elm Street, though they wander and follow people so may move quite a bit.

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"Memento Locator", in which you returned a loved one's gift to its rightful owner. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Memento Locator

From Pa Abigale on the dock road, go down and "search dirt".  Go south, then east, and enter shop.  Give the scarf to Elsie.

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"Skippy", in which you made them bounce. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Skippy

Skills: 151 or less fighting.range.thrown bonus
Go down from Pa Abigail on the dock on Dock Street and search a while to find various rocks.  "skip" the rocks until you get the quest.

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"Stylish Adventurer", in which you renovated a useful piece of armour. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Stylish Adventurer

Skills: 118 adventuring.movement.climbing.rope bonus or less
Go to Carrot's bedroom upstairs in the watch house on the south side of Pseudopolis yard and "search bed" to find a tin of polish.  Go to the odds and ends shop on the east side of Plaza of Broken Moons and buy a buffing cloth.  Go to the dead end room at the southeast end of The Willows and "climb down".  "search" again to find a hole in the boat and go down - if this doesn't work, 'look at boards' and then 'move boards' to reveal the hole.  Kill the crocodile (not a wimpy beast, if too hard just go "up"), "search" once more to find the rusty chainmail, and polish it.

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Isle of Gods quests

"Actor Advisor", in which you talked someone down from the edge. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Actor Advisor

This quest is the in the upstairs room of the building immediately south of the entrance to Dysk.  An actor is distraught over a bad performance and you have two options to complete the quest:
1) "comfort actor" when he cries, "sympathise actor" when he says he did horribly, and "agree actor" when he says it was all their fault.  Eventually (this can take a while), he'll cheer up and walk out.  Your alignment will increase, even if it's not enough to show up in "score align".
2) "laugh actor" when he cries, "agree actor" when he says he did horribly, and possibly "patronise actor" when he says it was all their fault.  Eventually he will jump and break his legs, and your alignment will become more evil.  If you want to put him out of his misery, you can then kill him on your way out :)

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"Cocktail Shaker", in which you stirred up a sensation. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Cocktail Shaker

First, go to the job shop on Cheap Street and "apply for a job".  Keeble will give you an envelope, which you then give to the Splatter outside the All Bar None tavern on the southeast corner of Pseudopolis Yard, or do the DRESSED UP TO THE NINES quest first.  He's only there at night, and if you portal in during the day you'll be automatically kicked out.  Give the envelope to Thom Crooze once you're inside, and he'll tell you what drink to mix first and a shaker and glass.  You can "research" the drink to see what the ingredients are.  Then you should pour the ingredients into the shaker until they're mixed together to form the request drink with nothing else left over.  A good way to find the ratios is by pouring small-ish quantities of the ingredients, then adding drops until you get the desired result.  Next CLOSE the shaker, and "shake shaker".  Open the shaker and pour it into a glass, then give the glass to Thom.  He'll have you make a total of three drinks.
If you don't remember what drink you requested to mix, ask Thom: 'could you please remind me?'.
If you lost the shaker, ask Thom a new one.

Tip: when you use small amounts of the different ingredients, you can use a teat pipette to suck out the superfluous drops (which didn't mix into the requested drink) after shaking.

More details: All Bar None

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"Connoisseur of the Arts", in which you continually patronised the Dysk. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Connoisseur of the Arts

Go to the Dysk Theatre and buy tickets or a season's pass.  I suggest staying with the cheap tickets unless you have cash to burn.  When the curtain falls at the end, "applaud the play" or "boo the play".  Do this ten times (a season's pass worth of shows), and you'll get the quest.

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"Crossbow Caretaker", in which you bribed and greased your way to success. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Crossbow Caretaker

Skills: fighting.special.weapon
Go to the watch house on the south side of Pseudopolis Yard, and continue in a southerly direction from the entrance until you're in a yard.  Get the crossbow from a table and read it to find the serial number.  Then go to Stronginthearm's shop on Lower Broadway and say something about fixing the crossbow.  He'll then want you to bribe him with some lunch, so get some ale from a nearby tavern and some bread from a nearby bakery.  Give those to Stronginthearm in his shop, and he'll tell you to meet him at the watch house, where the crossbow is.  Buy some grease and a crossbow string from his shop, then go to the room with the crossbow in the watch house and he'll show up right away and fix the crossbow.  "string crossbow with string" and "grease crossbow with grease" then hold the crossbow and "pull bolt from dummy".  "load crossbow with bolt" and "fire crossbow at dummy". Note that you don't need to *succeed* at hitting the dummy; you can miss and still get the quest. Mr. Baraby will come and ask you a question.  Say "yes" and follow him to pick a prize (they suck, unless you're a wizard, in which case you can use the shield for EFF for a few levels).

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"Dressed Up to the Nines", in which you were at sixes and sevens with clothes. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Dressed Up to the Nines

You need about 30% of the maxmium possible quest points to do this quest (currently 200), and a decent amount of money.  Go to Number One on the north side of Pseudpolis yard, and head upstairs.  You'll need to get your nails and hair done ($60-$100?), and buy clothing in the building as well.  Even if you're female, male clothing is sufficient, and preferable due to costing far less and being ready far faster than the dresses.  Go up another floor and buy a pair of dress trousers, a ruffled dress shirt, a dinner jacket, and a bow tie ($87.50 total--thieves can try to shoplift these items instead).  Put your weapons in a container or vault them, and wander over to the All Bar None tavern on the southeast corner of Pseudopolis Yard at night time.  DO NOT FIGHT OR GET WET after having nails and hair done because they will be ruined and you'll have to do them over.  Say to the splatter that you are famous, then say that you know Thom Crooze if he asks who you know that's on the list.

If you do choose to get the dress, you may end up paying much more ($250?), you will be given an appointment time to be fitted for a dress, and then you will have to wait until the dress is finished (and pick the dress up within seven days of it being completed.) The dress is not sufficient clothing to complete the quest, but a dress and a boa is.

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"Flexible", in which you didn't get impaled. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Flexible

Skills: 105 or less adventuring.movement.climbing.rock bonus
Go along the east side of God's Collar until you can "look fence", then "climb fence".

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"Light Technician", in which you brought illumination to the nation. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Light Technician

Items: screwdriver (either kind, available at tool shop on Ettercap Street), any food item.
You'll need a screwdriver (either kind seems to work), and some form of food.  A drink won't work.
Go to the Skunk Club on Brewer Street at night time - you should have all weapons concealed in containers, and may need money to get in depending on how late in the night it is. You can possibly sneak past the bouncer. Somewhere on the dance floor is a malfunctioning light.  "unscrew lid with screwdriver" while holding the screwdriver, and "open lid".  "feed" the food to the imp to get the quest.

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"Pest Controller", in which you managed to exterminate some stubborn vermin. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Pest Controller

Item: a flute, recorder, or panpipe (all available from assassins' guild)
Take a flute, recorder, or panpipe to the house with Rattigan on the south side of God's collar.  Play it successfully (a bonus of around 135 in crafts.music.instruments.wind is required to get to the stage of playing a slow and simple tune; a bonus of 47 or so is fine if you play from a primer), and Rattigan will follow you, and his other rat buddies will follow him.  You can either lead him to the rat catcher or just walk into a water room (the river) and he'll immediately drown.

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"Prompt", in which you used the right words in the right place. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Prompt

Go to the backstage area of the Dysk Theatre, accessible from the northeast area of the yard.  In the first indoor room should be a depressed actor.  Say "help" and the actor will tell you the name of the play.  "search scripts" until you find the script for that play and say "ready".  The actor will then start reading his lines, intermittently asking you for a line.  "read script" to see what the lines are and quote them when he asks you for the line, until he completes the script.

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"Quiet Leader", in which you tried to rehabitualise a menace to society. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Quiet Leader

Find the mime artist that wanders around Ankh-Morpork, and lead him to the back entrance of the Opera house on the north side of Pseudopolis Yard.

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"Soft-Soled", in which you made old toes happy. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Soft-Soled

In the watch house on the south side of Pseudopolis yard, go to the locker room on the south side of the east-west corridor at ground-level.  "get boots from locker" and head to east end of the corridor and go upstairs.  Go west a few times, then north and east.  Give the boots to Vimes, and he'll tell you if he wants a different pair.  Most other types of boots can be found by searching in a pile underneath one of the Ankh bridges, and one can be bought at the Assassins' Guild or maybe Thieves' Guild.

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"Stage Handy", in which you propped up the performance. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Stage Handy

Go to the backstage area of the Dysk Theatre, and find Vitoller.  He'll ask you to fetch various items from around the MUD, and pay you for them when you bring them.  You have to do this at least 5 times.

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"Trophy Hunter", in which you left a creature out in the cold. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Trophy Hunter

This is a very easy quest if you do it when your guild level is very low.  Go to the fur shop on the east side of God's Collar, and go to the east room upstairs.  "search table" and take the key downstairs and all the way west.  "move boxes" then go west and offer to help the furrier.  The pelts he asks for depend on your guild level.  If your guild level goes up in the middle of the quest, he'll change the requirements to a harder animal.  He'll need 5 pelts. Be sure to ask him about the payment afterwards, as he'll drop $30-40 AM and a valuable, but damaged, piece of fur clothing.

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Morpork quests

"Bar Brawl Champion", in which you defeated the Mended Drum's splatter in not so single combat. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Bar Brawl Champion

Go to the Mended Drum on the north end of Short street and start fighting splatter.  If he dies while still in combat with you (even if you're not in the room), you'll get the quest.

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Eastern Morpork quests

"Apprentice Baker", in which you helped a baker keep up with demand. (Quest level 6)

Discworld quest page for Apprentice Baker

Skills: 100 crafts.culinary.baking bonus absolute minimum to ever succeed.
You need: 10+ dried frog powder (apothecary on Prouts just north of Apothecary Gardens)
Go to Argle's bakery on the south end of Baker Street and "apply for a job".  Argle will list possible values for each of a couple ingredients twice, but you can get more possible values by saying "instructions" a few times. Go south into the kitchen.  Write down those values he listed (usually 3 or 4 scoops flour, 1 or 2 pourings of water, 1 or 2 pinches of salt, variable amount of goo, and always just 1 pinch dried frog).  The commands are:
scoop flour into stove
pour water from sink into stove (you may need to "pump water into sink" first)
pour goo into stove
sprinkle salt in stove
place frog in stove
pull lever on stove
Repeat each ingredient depending on how much of each you want in the recipe, using Argle's suggestions as a starting point. You can make this task easy for yourself by drawing up a table on paper of each of your tries and the results yes, be scientific. Take heed of what comes out of the oven because say if it "lacks bulk" you need more flour, if it's dry or brittle you need more water, if it has salt crystals you need less salt. If it has been "inexpertly baked" you failed the skill check so you need to try again with the same ingredients until you pass the skill check (it's a bit random).  It is a good idea to bury the stuff that comes out of the stove as soon as you've examined it so you don't get confused. Keep going, doing a guess and check routine based on your table and when you get bread, go north and give it to the baker.  You receive AM$10 when quest is complete.
Too much flour: It looks quite bulky.
Too much salt: You can see salt crystals on it.
Too little flour: It looks a bit thin though as if it's missing some bulk.
Too little goo: It is crumbling a little.
Too much water: no message (but not a "loaf of bread" yet either)

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"Apprentice Tanner", in which you kept an odd man from getting stuck. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Apprentice Tanner

Buy a thimble from the odds and ends shop on the eastern side of Plaza of Broken Moons and go to the tannery, on the northwest side of the Plaza.  Give Griffith the thimble, and you might get a few levels of crafts.materials.tanning or crafts.materials.leatherwork.  Griffith seems to get rid of his thimbles fairly often (either after each time the quest is done or after each room respawn (30-60 minutes), so this quest is actually possible to do now.

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"Auriental Arithmetician", in which you figured it out and wrote it down. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Auriental Arithmetician

Skills: 60 agatean.spoken
Skills: agatean.written near max - confirmed at level 83
Skills: 180+ bonus in crafts.arts.calligraphy.
Items: pieces of paper to write on (chapbook pages, odds and ends on east side of Plaza of Broken Moons).
Go to the Salt Shaker on the southeast end of Upper Broadway, near the Pepper Pot.  In the ground level flat is a family of Agateans. The children have the Agatean words for the numbers one through ten as names.  While speaking Agatean, say the corresponding number to four different children (ie - "sayto ichi one"). The fourth child should then ask you (in Agatean) to write his or her name.  Write the word for that number (ie - "one", without quotes) in Agatean on a piece of paper using the calligraphy brush and inkwell from the bedroom to the north.  If the calligraphy is neat ("simple", "neat", etc) enough, give the paper to the child to get the quest. Failing the written or calligraphy skill check may both display the same failure message.

Ichi - one
Ni - two
San - three
Shi - four
Go - five
Roku - six
Nana - seven
Hachi - eight
Kyuu - nine
Zyuu - ten

You can simply say different numbers to each child until you get it right. The first three children may or may not let you know when you have gotten their names right; there is no penalty for continuing to say numbers to the child, though.

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"Belt Buckler", in which you made a useful item of apparel. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Belt Buckler

Items: a leather strip from the odds and ends shop on the east side of Plaza of Broken Moons.
Items: a buckle of any value from Rendtnor's jewellery shop on the northeast end of the Plaza.
Skills: 100 bonus in crafts.materials.leatherworking.
"attach" the buckle to the strip to make a belt.  That's it.

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"Bethan's Buddy", in which you helped out a busy wife. (Quest level 5)

Discworld quest page for Bethan's Buddy

In the second house south on the west side of Vagabond Street in Ankh-Morpork you will find Bethan. Say that you will 'help' her. She'll tell you to bring her toilet paper, dentures, and hot water.  The roll of toilet paper is in a nearby house on Vagabond street. For the dentures, go to the dentists in the Flintwick Building.  Wait around a while and the dentist will eventually come out.  Say that 'Cohen needs dentures' and he will give you a voucher. For the cup of water, go to the kitchen of the gingerbread cottage in Skund Forest, north of the intersection going northeast to Hillshire and southeast to Pekan Ford.  Give all three items to Bethan, either one at a time or all at once.  The edible house is no longer in a dangerous area (no wolves).

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"City Explorer", in which you discovered ancient machinery under the city. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for City Explorer

Outside of the Magic Emporium on the east side of Sator Square, "lift disc" then immediately go "down" before the lid comes crashing down.  It might take a few tries.  "leave" to get out again.

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"Courageous Courier", in which you brought glory to the Ankh-Morpork Postal Service. (Quest level 6)

Discworld quest page for Courageous Courier

Go to the Post Office on Widdershins Broadway and go upstairs and say "help" or "details".  Say "yes" when he asks if you're up for it, then say "hard" when he asks if you want the easy or hard parcel.  Deliver it to three random locations that can be seen by "read"ing the parcel, all of which will be outside of Ankh-Morpork.  You'll get $100.

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"Courteous Visitor", in which you received a reward for asking nicely. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Courteous Visitor

Go to the Hall of Heroes in the Apex club on the south end of Esoteric Street and say "please, Miss Turrel, may I please have a ticket to the hall of heroes please" to get a free ticket.

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"Deputy Deliverer", in which you saved Ankh-Morpork from a horrible draught. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Deputy Deliverer

Go to the wine lounge in the Flaming Cabbage on Blood Alley. Claire A. Botel shows up there regularly to make her deliveries.  Occasionally she'll miss a barrel and need some help with that.  Say something like "I'll help you deliver the barrel" and she will give you a wine voucher. 
Go find Boare in the Wine Warehouse on Prouts, and give him the voucher. He'll give you a barrel of wine, which you need to take back to the Flaming Cabbage and "deliver" in the wine lounge.

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"Distant Exhibitionist", in which you went the distance of displaying feelings. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Distant Exhibitionist

Items: 1 carrot (from the fruit shop on Baker Street)
You have to have done the SENTIMENTALIST quest first.  Go to the Temple of Small Gods, then go east from the fountain all the way, then south to Florette the bunny rabbit. Go southwest from there and "gather carrot" until you get a carrot. Go back to Florette, "feed" her the carrot, "pet" her, and say "Florette is a good girl!"

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"Dog Gone Emancipator", in which you found a shocking way to kill a foul torturer. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Dog Gone Emancipator

Skills: Decent combat and/or healing abilities (this poodle can kill n00bs)
Go the house south off of God Street with a poodle in the living room.  Kill the poodle, take the corpse upstairs, and "give" the corpse to Bertha.  I think the husband gives you some money after Bertha dies, so stick around a bit.

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"Down to Earth", in which you brought'em up to get'im down. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Down to Earth

Items: a few beers
Go to the Salt Shaker on the southeast end of Upper Broadway, next door to the pepper pot.  Go upstairs all the way, the "climb" or "enter" hole to get onto the roof.  A simple "up" command also works even though this is not an obvious exit.  Give the beers to the dwarf up there, on at a time, until he leaves.

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"Expert Balancer", in which you discovered how to weigh things using powers of three. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Expert Balancer

Go to the Post Office on Widdershins Broadway. "figure" to start the quest, which will cause a coloured weight to be moved to the left pan.  Here's my system:
1. move very large weight from middle pan to right pan
if right pan dips down: move very large weight to middle pan 
2. move large weight to right pan 
if right pan dips down:  move large weight to middle pan
3. move medium weight to right pan
if right pan dips down: move medium weight to middle pan
4. move small weight to right pan
if right pan dips down: move small weight to middle pan
5. move very small weight to right pan
if right pan dips down: move very small weight to middle pan
However, at this point you might have several weights on the right pan, and the left pan is still hanging lower.  Take note of the biggest weight you have on the right pan, and move the next bigger weight to the right pan as well.  Take what is now your second-largest weight that's in the right pan and move it to the left pan.  If the left pan tips lower, move that same weight to the middle pan.  If the left pan is still lower, move it back to the right pan.  Repeat with each next smaller weight, one a time, until you find out the weight.  "figure" and balance two more times to get the quest.

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"Explorer Extraordinaire", in which you discovered a whole new area. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Explorer Extraordinaire

Reqs: Completion of the Keen Observer quest, and greater than 200 bonus for ad.perception is needed: minimum levels require further research.

Locate the underground areas below the Dolly Sisters Watch House. From the dusty attic where you end up after, move the bed. You need to pass a perception skill (min level?) check in order to move it. Take a look at the helmets, pushing them over. This brings you down into the underground where there is no way out other than completing the quest. Go to the far end of the underground corridor to a large hall with a deep hole with copper bar in it. Hold on to the bar tight (if it's not tight you'll fall off!), and jump down the hole. Jumping down the hole without holding on tight is rather painful (ca 1500 hp loss). If you are holding on tight, you'll slide down the bar and get the quest.

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"Finder Not Keeper", in which you was honest with others' property. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Finder Not Keeper

You need to find 10 items registered by another player with the Lost Property Office on the Street of Cunning Artificers, and turn them in at the same location.  With the relaxed multiplaying rules, you can probably use an alt to help you out if you can't find a friend to do it.

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"Fish Fingered", in which you gave a friend a fishy face. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Fish Fingered

Buy a LARGE fish from the fish shop on Street of Cunning Artificers. Find Carrot wandering around AM and "slap" him with the fish. You'll get some jail time.

He may try to arrest you afterwards, so if you don't want to fight him you should "give up".

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"Flower Powered", in which you gained a botanical boost to social status. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Flower Powered

Items: $31
Buy 31 flowers at Bernitas Flower Shop on Treacle Street.  You don't need to send them to anyone or add a note to them.

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"Future Diviner", in which you received a glimpse of future events. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Future Diviner

Go to the pier on the south side of Zoo Park and "search planks".  You should find a Caroc Card.  Go to the south side of Unreal Estate and into a hut there.  Go south until you're in the room with the fortune teller, and give her the card.

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"Gatherer of Fluff", in which you supplied a considerable quantity of fluffy material. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Gatherer of Fluff

Put fluffy things on Gufnork's low altar on the Street of Small Gods.  You need either a total weight of fluffy things or a total value of fluffy things.  Probably weight.  The fastest way to do this is with fluffy cloaks.  Fluffy towels also work, and the priestess in the Gufnork temple usually has one or two fluffy items on her, and frequently gets killed by Kess so there might be stuff lying around the temple.  If all else fails, find a friend with the "summon fluff" ritual. (see Research)

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"Gemmy's Mate", in which you fetched a simple tool for a nice old man. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Gemmy's Mate

Items: a shoe horn from the odds and ends store on the east side of Plaza of Broken Moons
Go to the shed on the south side of Widdershins Broadway, and wait for Codger to show up.  Give him the shoe horn.

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"Green Tongue", in which you broke a witch's spell. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Green Tongue

Look for a wandering green frog in AM and kiss it.  It's often near Dragon's Landing.

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"Handyman", in which you gave a lady a new outlook. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Handyman

On God street theres a large house with Sophie Stibbons upstairs. Go down, search the fireplace a room will be revealed and go west. In this room there’s a tin of rust removal, get it and go back to Stibbons. "repair" the taps, then "turn" them to get water and finally you must dampen the cloth you were given and clean the window 'clean window'. Rinse and repeat a few times until the window is clean.

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"Handyperson", in which you disproved a long standing myth. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Handyperson

Items: oil can from odds and ends store on east side of Plaza of Broken Moons
Go just inside the Assassins' Guild courtyard and "oil" the hinges.

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"Hearts Tendered", in which you journeyed to the heart of sacrifice. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Hearts Tendered

Put 250 human hearts on the low altar in the southeast corner of the Sek Temple on Street of Small Gods.  They decay rather quickly, so go back to the altar once they stop looking fresh.  It doesn't matter if you do them one at a time or in groups.

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"Keen Observer", in which you saw something overlooked by most. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Keen Observer

Search the desk in the prison area of the Dolly Sisters watch house to acquire a doorknob. Go upstairs to the room with Lance-Constable Cryolite and go east.

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"Knowledge Seeker", in which you joined a secret brotherhood. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Knowledge Seeker

Outside of Rendtnor's jewellery shop on the northeast side of Plaza of the Broken Moons, "search" until you find a shifty person (you don't need any skills to find her), who will give you a stone medallion.  Wear the medallion and go inside the house on Bitwash Street and say "only when it hunts", then go south when the door unlocks.  There's a scrying room you can use within for a small fee.

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"Maintainer of the Balance", in which you visited justice to the extremes. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Maintainer of the Balance

Items: A light source
Skills: Decent fighting skills
Go to the centre of Sandelfon's Temple off the north end of Street of Small Gods.  In the room with the high alter go "down" to enter the maze.  Wander around for a while and keep an eye out for persons and similar creators.  Kill them, and when they die they'll turn into a crystal.  You'll need 5 crystals, of any colour.  To get back out, always choose the last exit listed in the room until you get to the "up" exit, and go back up there.  Go to the low altar in the Sandelfon Temple, and put the crystals on it.  Putting the crystals on the altar -might- change your alignment. research
(see Research)

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"Natty Dresser", in which you paid fair and square for sartorial repairs. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Natty Dresser

Put damaged clothing on Gapp's low altar in his temple on Street of Small Gods.  Getting the quest is probably based on the amount of GP you spend, not the number of items.  A good way to get damaged clothing is by looting corpses or searching.

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"Pigeon Fancier", in which you fancied some pigeons. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Pigeon Fancier

Grab a shovel (the Job Market's shop sells them) and some food (like a bread roll from Baker Street). Go up to the roof of the main post office at God and Widdershins, and all the way to the pigeon hut. You'll need minimal fighting.melee.misc - an 89 bonus works. If you fail this skillcheck, you'll lose about 100hp, so take care. Hold the shovel, "scrape guano with shovel", pet the pigeon, then feed the food to the pigeon.

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"Plumber's Mate", in which you brought some ancient machinery back to life. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Plumber's Mate

Items: #5 brush from Plumber's Guild on Pleader's Row
Items: oil can from odds and ends shop on the east end of the Plaza of Broken Moons
Items: orange tablet (Drayne Cleaner) from the Alchemists' Guild Shop on Street of Alchemists
Items: stuff that has weight (rocks are available "get cobble" from room above)
Go into the hole on the east end of Sator Square (see CITY EXPLORER quest) with the above items, and do the following:
1) "unclog" the holes in the trough (clean trough using brush)
2) "charge" the trough with the oil
3) "clean" the counterweight with the orange tablet (dissolve tablet in counterweight) 
4) put items on the pannier
There are two panniers, and looking at the machinery or some such should indicate how low they can dip before they empty.  Look at the panniers frequently to see if either is getting to low.  If it is, take some weight off of that pannier or put a weight on the other pannier.  If you keep the panniers balanced well enough to fill the buckets quite a bit, when they empty they'll flush out some clog and you get the quest.

You can "look balance" to see how level the counterweight and reservoir are, if they're within a couple of inches then do nothing, wait for some more water to flow, then look again. For smaller adjustments use the fungus on the floor rather than cobbles. Note that the output from "look balance" lists the panniers in reverse-order, the reservoir is the left pannier.

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"Proficient Horticulturalist", in which you grew a very special flower for a nameless man. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Proficient Horticulturalist

First you need to find the Rose Seller.  This is easiest during the day time when he's at his house on the northwest end of Washer Way.  At night he wanders around selling roses at taverns and restaurants.  Say something about "special roses" and he'll give you some seeds.  You may want to say it again to get more seeds now, instead of tracking him down later.  Go to the greenhouse attached to his house and "search" the boxes repeatedly until it says there's no interesting packets left.  Keep the packets in the room (don't bury).  

The colour of fertiliser you need depends on the fullness of the rose he wants. The effect of the fertiliser on the fullness (very single, single, semi-double, double, very double, extreme double) changes with every person. The colours are Black, Brown, Green, Grey, Ochre and Yellow.

The texture of the fertiliser determines how thorny (unarmed, somewhat thorny, thorny, quite thorny, very thorny, armed, viciously thorny), however which texture produces which thorns is also random for each person doing the quest. The textures are Coarse, Fine, Glittery, Grainy, Powdery, Rough and Soft.

"Plant" the seed in a pot, then "fertilise my planted rose" with the appropriate colour of fertiliser, then "fill" the watering can from the tap and "water my planted rose". After being watered, it takes about 5 minutes (RW) to see the whay type of rose has grown.
Look at the pot periodically and eventually the rose will grow and it won't say that it's recently been watered, meaning it's time to water again, depending on the rose size you need.  Each watering will make the rose grow bigger.

If it's got the wrong fullness or amount of thorns, pluck it ("pluck my rose") and start again with a different fertiliser colour or texture. There are 6 colours but 7 texture options that can be every combination for the fertiliser. 

When it's the right size, "pluck" your rose and give it to the rose seller.  It will probably take quite a few visits to find the right texture, hence the extra seeds will probably be needed.  Keep searching intermittently when you can.

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"Public Informer", in which you found a way to get the message across. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Public Informer

Items: $50
Go to the town cryer's office on the southwest end of Turnwise Broadway and go into the next room.  Fund 50 days worth of messages. Funding your own message costs $1/day and another player's messages costs $2/day. Spending 50 dollars on another players' message does not give the quest, but 25 days on another player's message and 25 days on your own message appears to work. The cheapest way to complete the quest is to fund your own message for 50 days.

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"Sentimentalist", in which you demonstrated a little control over expression. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Sentimentalist

Go to Roger on north side of the corridor inside the Patrician's Palace on Turnwise Broadway.  When prompted, "lsay merus in pectum et in aquama", and "bing excitedly roger".  This will give you the "emote" command.

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"Spring Artificer", in which you put a spring in your step. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Spring Artificer

Items: 1 swamp dragon (Dragon Shop on Morphic Street just off Dock Street - $50)
Items: coal (in the dish on the counter of the rock shop on Quarry Street
Go to the house on Street of Cunning Artificers, at the intersection with Bitwash Street.  "tug wood" then "enter window" to get inside.  Get paper from waste bin in idea room, and get poker from hook in bedroom. "search mattress" for a spring in the bedroom as well. In attic "search small box" twice for nuts and bolts. Also in the attic "pull" the crossbar off the bicycle, then "slide" the pole into the spring, and "bolt spring onto pole with bolt and nut".  Feed the coal to your dragon, and it eats it, "weld" the crossbar to the pole with the dragon.

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"Upbeat Enforcer", in which you gave a musician a good beat. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Upbeat Enforcer

Go to Leonard Flood in Musician's Guild on Baker Street and say "help".  Find Mesa Boogie wandering around AM, say you're an enforcer with the guild, and use hostile soul commands (shove, slap, punch, etc) on him until he drops the entire $10 and pick it up.  Go back to Leonard Flood.  DO NOT GIVE HIM MONEY.  Say that you want to pay Mesa's fee.

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"Valued Customer", in which you were a faithful customer of a jeweller's. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Valued Customer

Items: $25-$30
Go to Rendtnor's jewellery shop on the northeast side of Plaza of Broken Moons and spend $25 or more on jewellery.  I think you then get a discount when repairing jewellery there, but it isn't free no more.

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"Very, Very Lucky", in which you had incredible luck and beat the odds. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Very, Very Lucky

Go to the Musicians' Guild on Baker Street and ask Loz Lipton about his plectrum/if he needs help.  He will describe a plectrum color and design.  Go north, west, and "search carpet" every half hour or so until you find the right plectrum and feel very lucky.  Give the plectrum to Loz.

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"Warming Savior", in which you saved someone from an almost certain icy death. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Warming Savior

Go to the Butchers' Guild off the Street of Alchemists opposite the Thieves Guild and enter the room with the locked door in the northwest wall. "Lift lever" and have the other guy go northwest into the freezer while you wait outside. When the latch falls after a bit, lift the lever to release the other guy.

WARNING: the person in the freezer can die if left inside a long time. This appears to take about 18 minutes.

You can also use npcs like a fruitbat or a sheep shearer instead of asking a player.

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Alchemists' Guild quests

"Cadaver Corroder", in which you burned the life back in. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Cadaver Corroder

Items: lemons, a few at a time or pickle them (fruit shop on baker street, fruit stall in Djelibeybi bazaar, fruit store on Garlic Street in Djelibeybi)
Items: rat corpses (search streets, plenty on sold part of Ankh River, or kill a few at a time in Rattigan's house on Contact Walk, or the Pepper Pot located near the intersection of Upper Broadway and Endless Street)

The first thing to do is go to the Alchemists' Guild on Street of Alchemists.  On the first floor above ground level is a classroom with Bradley Weiss in it.  Say "regurgitator" to get instructions, then "search shelves" repeatedly, but don't go AFK or anything because cockroaches sometimes crawl out of the shelves and into your ears.  Ugh. You can dodge them, but if they find their way into your ears, "shake" a few times and kill the roaches before they crawl back in.  You also might get hit with spilled acid when you search, but you can dodge this with decent bonus.

Keep searching until you basically have vials filled with acids that are at least 10 different colours.  Store them in a useful pack or satchel, then go get a few lemons and rat corpses from a source listed above. For the first few attempts, Bradley will tell you to use specific acid colours, so do as he says.  They won't succeed of course, but you have to go through the motions for this quest.

The commands are:
 attach corpse to harness
 attach lemon to apparatus
 pour vial into dish
 flick switch
After doing the acids Bradley lists, you'll need to do another five or so to get the quest.  At some point in the process, a giant rat dog might appear, and either try to eat you or become your pet.  Oookay.

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"Corn Popper", in which you helped a student ruin his future career. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Corn Popper

Items: glass of milk (from the Mended Drum bar or drink shop on Attic Bee - be sure to get it from the counter)
Items: 2-3 cobs of corn (fruit shop on Baker street - scrape off the kernels)
Items: vial or bottle of Better Butter Base (searching the shelves in Bradley's classroom)

Go to the room in the Alchemists' Guild on Street of Alchemists that has a Buttery machine in it.  "pour" the glass of milk into the buttery, "pour" the vial or bottle of butter base into the buttery, then "turn" the handle on the buttery.  Get the butter from the butter.  Put the butter and all of the corn kernels into the Banger, and CLOSE IT.  "light" the fuse on the banger, then open it and get the grains from the banger.

Find Neelie Awkside, usually on Street of Alchemists or nearby, and give him the banged grains.  He requires a certain amount all at once, so be sure you're doing at least 2 cobs worth of corn, 3 if possible.

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"Midas In Reverse", in which you turned gold into gold, more or less. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Midas In Reverse

Items: AM$100-200
Look for Scrooge on the second floor in the Alchemists' Guild on the Street of Alchemists.  Say "yes" and he'll tell you to fetch several ingredients:
 1) chalk (white pebble - available in Alchemists Guild shop)
 2) slate (grey pebble) available from the troll vendor on Quarry Lane
 3) cinnabar (red pebble) available from the troll vendor on Quarry Lane
 4) flint, available from rock shop on Qarry Lane as a black mineral rock or the wood shed to the east and a little to the south of the rock shop as a flint stone
 5) an ore, available from the shop on the ground floor of the Alchemists' Guild
 6) an acid, available from the shelves one floor down in Bradley's classroom.  He won't say the acid colour, but call it by its proper name.  So you need to go to the library nearby in the Guild and "research" until you find a scrap of paper that indicates the acid colour for that substance.  If he asks for nitrate, you'll need bat guano from a pooping fruitbat, and batsup from the acid shelves.  Then use the nitrolator in the Guild to form nitrate out of them.
 7) a vial of something available by searching the storage closet nearby in the Guild 
 8) Various amounts of gold coins, either Rhinu or from a money changer.  This might be $100-$200 worth, taking exchange rates into account.

Give him each item as he asks for it, to get him to ask for the next.  After giving him the gold, he'll either turn it into more gold or platinum coins, or give you fewer coins than you gave him. 

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"Slimy Saviour", in which you went on a slimy adventure. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Slimy Saviour

Skills: ad.perception <137 (the command "watch high" can give you a little boost)
Lerd Ors in the Coin Pitt has lost a rare coin from his collection and wants you to help look for it.  From outside the Coin Pitt, head southeast then south to an abandoned house and then down to enter the cellar.  In the cellar, "search pool" will yield a slimy coin (if you don't find the coin, your perception is too low). The coin must then be cleaned using a cleaning tray from Coin Corner and some acid which can be found by searching various shelves in the Alchemist's Guild ("pour vial into tray", "clean slimy coin with tray"). When the coin is cleaned, it can be returned to Lerd Ors.

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"True Alchemist", in which you went out with a bang. (Quest level 6)

Discworld quest page for True Alchemist

Official info:
"Go to the labratory on the top floor of the Alchemists' Guild, in the room with the amalgamator and Two-Fingers McKluskey. Pull six levers, then push the button to start a chemical reaction. Pay attention to the results to determine how close your combination of chemicals is to what is required to blow up the guild. A bigger explosion means you have more chemicals in the proper order relative to each other. The quantities that are dispensed by one pull of a lever isn’t enough to cause a reaction by itself, but that might change with larger quantities. Any chemicals that don't react with their current neighbours during a reaction may cause adverse side effects. To find out which effects are produced by which chemicals, research in the Alchemists' Guild library. Each chemical only reacts with the chemicals immediately above or below it, hence order of chemicals relative to each other is essential. Multiple explosions can also result, when appropriate."

Walkthrough:
Go the room with the Central Amalgamator up two flights of stairs in the Alchemists' Guild.  The combination is reset every time the building explodes, and no one gets their own unique combo. So 2 people working on it at the same time are working toward the same combo.  The combination doesn't seem to reset if the building explodes of its own accord.

So, 10 levers in the room, 6 levers must be pulled with each attempt. Every time you pull 6 levers then hit the big button, you will get two types of results. The first is one or more explosions (or lack thereof) of chemicals in the right order relative to each other, and the second is the side effect from one of the chemicals you selected.

The side effects are annoying and slow things down a bit, but don't really help to figure out the combination. To minimize damage and delay, don't wear clothes if possible (one of the effects mimics the Searing Touch ritual) and bring healing tea.  If you're quick, and leave the room before or immediately after the text that shows the side effect, you can avoid getting hit by it.

Some of the effects are: Something similar to Searing Touch; the effect one gets from eating fruitbat poop; turning colours; noxious gas that remains in the room for a little while, causing anyone there to choke periodically; blindness; sickness (doesn't harm); hallucinations; not noticing people in rooms. Be careful about Searing Touch and noxious gas. You can leave the room before side effects appear, but Two-fingers McKluskey (NPC who configures the machine) can't, and he'll get damaged. It's possible that he can die, so watch his health and heal him as needed.

The little explosions tell you how many chemicals you have in the right order, and if you have more than 1 set of chemicals in the right order. The explosion messages are:

No combination of chemicals are in the right order:
A small puff of smoke comes from the ingredients in the central cylinder. The watching students laugh at you.

One pair of chemicals in the right order:
There is a brief low-level flash and a few puffs of smoke from the ingredients in the cylinder.
The students snigger at you.

One triplet of chemicals in the right order:
There is a small flash of light and a small cloud of smoke rises from the ingredients in the cylinder.
The students look as if they are about to run, but then merely look nonchalant as they realise nothing is going to happen.

One quadruplet of chemicals in the right order:
There is a small flash of light and a small cloud of smoke rises from the ingredients in the cylinder.
You and everyone else in the room are knocked over onto the floor.

One quintuplet of chemicals in the right order:
Suddenly there is a huge bang, and a shockwave of noise from the chamber, causing many of the rivets to fire off with a loud 'PING!'.
A couple of students who were standing too close hold their heads in pain as blood streams from their ears.
This makes everyone "shocked and confused", as with a backstab, with stat penalties.

All chemicals in the right order: BOOM!
The whole lab begins to rumble ominously, causing the students to flee immediately.
There is an enormous explosion as one of the vats blows up in a shower of deadly shrapnel, which is quite unfortunate for those brave students who did not choose to run.

Don't leave the room. You'll end up on top of the Tower of Art with a diamond, a lump of gold, and a broken leg.  (If you're carrying enough things, the addition of the diamond, lump of gold, and Creator Collector Card in your inventory can cause you to fumble things in midair and lose them.)

Damage when succeeding seems to be a percentage of your total hit points.  If you aren't damaged when you get the right combination, you won't die.

If, for some reason, the guild blows up but it's not because you have the right combination, after everything's rebuilt, you can go back to the amalgamator and continue trying levers.

There can be multiple reactions per combination. If we had the target combination of 147784 for example, the following attempts would give the following results:
141414 - 3 pairs
747877 - 2 pairs
877777 - 1 triplet
877141 - 1 triplet and 1 pair
487741 - Quest accomplished

So chemicals usually don't have to be in the same order or in the same position (2nd from left, etc) to get a reaction, they just have to be in the right order relative to each other. However, it seems that occasionally they will need to be in a specific order to get the full reaction--trying a known pair at the beginning of the combination, followed by every possible option may yield only pair reactions, while trying the same pair at the end of the combination reveals the triplet. I.E.:
561111 - 1 pair
...
569999 - 1 pair
560000 - 1 pair
651111 - 1 pair
...
659999 - 1 pair
650000 - 1 pair
999965 - 1 triplet
597965 - Quest accomplished
(Actual example.)

I like the following system to find pairs (10 written as 0):
112233
445566
778899
001314
151617
181920
242526
272829
313435
363738
394041
etc

So after each combo, you jot down the results, and if there was a pair, you immediately try to find a third chemical adjacent to the pair. So if you try 112233 and immediately get the pair reaction, you can then narrow down which 2 numbers were the pair by trying 111111 222222 333333 121212 232323 until one reacts as a pair again. Except it should react as 3 pairs because you're repeating the correct pair 3 times.

So if 121212 shows three pairs, you know 12 (or 21) is in the target combination somewhere. Then you try to find the number(s) adjacent to 12. If 12 is at the beginning or end of the target combination, there will be only one adjacent number, otherwise there are two. So now you want to try 12 in combination with other numbers, such as:
331233
441244
551255
etc

Then when you get a triplet, such as from 332133, you test whether the 3 is next to the 2 or the 1:
321111
312222

So if 312222 gives the triplet, we know the triplet is 312, not 321. We then repeat the same process, now with the 312 triplet adjacent to other numbers, and so on.

This system should get the target combination in 15-30 minutes, depending on how lucky you are with side effects and the early combinations you try.

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Western Morpork quests

"Accomplice", in which you were an accomplice in a burglary. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Accomplice

Items: 1 large satchel (shop on Ettercap Street, wandering AM wizards, wandering travellers on sto plains roads, bag shop in Djelibeybi)
In one of the houses on the western part of Elm Street there is a cat burglar busy stealing stuff but he needs a bigger bag to hold it. Give him the large satchel.

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"Apprentice Campanologist", in which you made the bells ring out over the city. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Apprentice Campanologist

Skills: 100-115 minimum adventuring.movement.climbing.rope bonus, 100-125 minimum adventuring.acrobatics.balancing bonus.
Items: Tin of rust remover (see HANDYMAN quest)
Go inside the bell tower north from Five-Ways (intersection) in southwest AM.  "climb rope" in one of the rooms to get onto the beam, then go northeast.  You might see Hugo there if he hasn't fallen off.  Go to the part of the beam with the bell and "repair bell with tin" then "ring bell".  You might lose your balance a few times, so just heal up and try again until you get lucky. I think you need the basic guild-taught levels in vaulting to get handhold on the rope, kept failing with ad.mo.cl.rope bonus way above 115 until i advanced it.

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"Apprentice Journalist", in which you defied authority and stepped up for freedom. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Apprentice Journalist

Find Sacharissa wandering around AM.  Say 'help' to her and she will give you a report and tell you to bring it to William de Worde, who is in the AM Times building off the north end of Gleam Street. When you give it to him he will ask you to find a matching picture for it, and to give the picture and report to Mr. Goodmountain who will print an article for it. Go downstairs in the AM Times building, and "search iconographs". You need to find the iconograph which matches the report ("read report").  Once you have this, go back to Mr. Goodmountain and give the report and the iconograph to him. He will make a print out of it and give it to you. Give this print to William de Worde to get the quest. You also get A$20.

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"Bush Whacker", in which you beat around the bush. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Bush Whacker

Skills: 125 (less may work) adventuring.movement.climing.rock bonus.
Go north as far as you can in the park off of Goose Gate Road in Ankh-Morpork. Then head east to enter the maze. From the frog, go E, SE, NE, S, NW, NE, SE, N, N, W, W, W, SE, W.  Climb the gate and you have completed the quest.

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"Cat Reliever", in which you relieved some felines from relieving. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Cat Reliever

Items: wire cutters from the tool shop on Ettercap Street
Ironcrust's Bakery on Cable Street. Go into the back room east of the yard and search for the hidden east door. In here you will find cages full of cats. Use the wire cutters to "cut" wires, or "untwist" wires depending on which works for each wire.  You'll get a pet cat.

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"Coin Collector", in which you proved yours was the best. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Coin Collector

Items: tatty old magazine, mahogany display case; both bought at Coin Corner.
Go to the Coin Pitt on The Pitts Inside the Coin Pitt find Urotho who will tell you that he wants to buy rare coin collections. Reading the magazine obtained from Coin Corner you will find a list of coins which will satisfy his needs. Buy a display case for the coins (any type will do). The shop sells all needed coins but won't have them all in stock all the time. When you have a complete collection return to Urotho and give him the whole collection to claim the quest (Note: the names from the magazine will not always match the names in the shop exactly; for example, a "very old Omnian obol" is sold in the shop as "an ancient Omnian obol").

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"Daddy's Little Helper", in which you put an end to an old man's thirst. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Daddy's Little Helper

On the docks northeast of Cockbill Street and just west of Ankh Bridge, you'll find a pier with Pa Abigayle on it. He says he's thirsty. If you get him the drink he asks for, you'll get the quest.  Some of these are in the tented tavern a few rooms to the west.

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"Electrick Marstar", in which you made a meal of the electrick. (Quest level 6)

Discworld quest page for Electrick Marstar

Skills: 100 crafts.culinary.cooking bonus, 70 crafts.culinary.butchering bonus
Items: sausage (All Hours Cafe on Dimwell Street)
Items: ground garlic (in the garden of Temple of Small Gods, witch gardens, Scrogden garden, or terrains outside Djelibeybi - Grind in a grinder in a witch's house)
Items: scumble (from any tavern)
Items: shot/measure glass (any nearby tavern)
Items: 1 bottle of beer (any nearby tavern)
Items: lard (tub in Gimlet's back room)
Items: flour (bag in Gimlet's back room)
Items: 1 bottle of water (fill from the sink in Ironcrust's Bakery)

Go to Thomas Eddiesson's house on Cable Street and: 
  "say Hey Igor. What is the recipe for fatsup? How would you make it?"
  "say What sort of spirit based alcohol alcoholic bribe would you like, Igor?"
  "bribe" the Igor upstairs with the scumble.

He'll give you a recipe that involves the items listed above.  First you need to mix those, then fix the stove afterward, when you're ready to cook.  Here's a step by step guide to mixing:
  search dresser
  get pan
  fill shot glass from water bottle
  pour shot glass into pan
  fill shot glass from beer
  pour shot glass into pan

Basically the beer has to be in a 1:1 ratio to the water.  As far as the amount, keep adding water and beer in the above ratios until the pan is about half full.  But the net result should be that the pan only has "watery beer" in it.  If you have too much of one liquid, it will look like "watery beer and water", which means you should add a little more beer.

Next:
  put a lot of ground garlic in pan
  get garlic from pan
This works because excess solid ingredients can be removed from the pan, unlike liquids.  You should now have only "garlicky watery beer" in your pan.

Next:
  put a lot of flour in pan
  get flour from pan
You should now have "beer and garlic gravy".

Next:
  put a lot of lard in pan
  get lard from pan
You should now have "greasy beer and garlic gravy".

Next:
  put sausages in slicer
  slice all in slicer
  get all from slicer
  put all sausages in pan
  get sausages from pan
This should give you "uncooked fatsup".

***TANGATHOR 03/28/11***
(In addition to the above information, I found the solution for me included "Brandy" in a very minimal amount)
  I used-
9 Shot Glasses of Water
9 Shot Glasses of Beer
12 Drops of Brandy (1/32 of a Phial (Buy a brandy, then "Fill phial 1/32 from Brandy")
<add garlic, flour, and lard then remove>
3-4 sausages (depending on the number of slices you get from the slicer...i added then 1 at a time then checked the pan to ensure it was all turning to "Uncooked Fatsup"
as I was NOT able to remove sausage from the pan for some reason)

Next you need to fix the stove.
  "turn stove up" and it should indicate a faulty wire.
  "repair" that wire and keep trying until it's ready to cook.

Turn the stove up to 120 or so, and pay very close attention to messages indicating how fast the fatsup is cooking, and "check temp on stove".  If it's cooking too quickly, turn it down.  If it's cooking too slowly, turn it up.  You'll have to adjust the temperature at least a few times.

If you fail at the cooking, you'll get an icky mess and have to start over from the very beginning.

If you succeed in getting "congealed fatsup", give it to Thomas.  He'll give you a light bulb.

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"Electrickally Marstered", in which you put yourself through pain to brew the perfect cup. (Quest level 7)

Discworld quest page for Electrickally Marstered

Skills: 190+ adventuring.movement.climbing.rock bonus
Skills: 161+ adventuring.movement.climbing.rope bonus 
Skills: 176+ adventuring.acrobatics.balancing bonus
(Note that you'll need much higher skills if you are too burdened.)

Items: copper stick (from the shelf in the Witch Cottage in Mad Stoat)
Time: Night (this allows the button to induce thunder and lightning)
Weather: medium cloud cover or more, gentle breeze was enough, no precipitations needed

Go to the clock tower north of the Five Ways intersection. "Look tubes" to make sure one hasn't burst recently from someone else doing the quest - if it is burst you have to wait until the room regens (30 minutes on average).

Go northeast, northwest, "move slab".  Go down and "push button" to make the weather nasty on the roof. This changes to weather in the pole room on the roof to be two levels more cloudy, more windy and cooler and torrential rain. This needs to be enough to make it a storm. See the weather and temperature pages for the levels.

Go back outside the tower and "climb up" twice, then "climb rope".  Go south and "climb up" again, then go north to the center of the roof.

With FULL HP "hold copper stick", "grasp pole", then "touch wire with stick".  If there's a thunderstorm on ("Peals of thunder and streaks of lightning rend the sky.") you will be struck by lightning, go flying off the roof and probably break a leg and end up with less than 5 hp.

Go back to the basement room, optionally set the dials and switches on the machine, and "pull lever". It should make some kind of coffee.

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"Guide To The Undead", in which you helped someone begin anew. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Guide To The Undead

There is a "human zombie" somewhere wandering around Ankh-Morpork. This is a specific zombie, not the ones wandering around obsessing about brains.

He's been spotted on the southeast end of Dock Street April 2008, on Dock Street, outside the jewellery shop along the docks in April 2010.

Say "follow" and lead him to the fresh start club alley in the eastern part of Elm Street or the nearest bar.

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"Heart Of Gold", in which you comforted someone far from home. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Heart Of Gold

Items: Snowball ("make snowball" in a room where it is snowing. The snowy area doesn't have to be Ankh-Morpork)
In a house in the middle-ish bit of Quarry Lane go north into a kitchen.  You may need to "move" or "search" the rug, and go down into the basement.  There should be a troll there: if so, give him the snowball.

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"Kinky Shopper", in which you purchased some interesting (Know what I mean? Eh?) underwear. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Kinky Shopper

Items: $7.50
Go to the Martial Aids store on Heroes Street and "nudge" then "wink" at Number One Son. Then say "know what i mean?" and he'll give you a key and lead you into the secret room.  Buy one of the kinky items stocked there.

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"Master Potter", in which you helped a craftsman deliver his wares. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Master Potter

Skills: 80 crafts.pottery.forming.throwing bonus
Skills: 190 crafts.pottery.forming.shaping bonus
Skills: 101 crafts.pottery.glazing bonus
Skills: 107 crafts.pottery.firing bonus
Items: Maybe $10 if shaping skills are quite a bit higher than listed above, otherwise $50-100
After completing the POTTER'S FRIEND quest, make 5 plates and 5 bowls in the Potter's workshop on the north end of Cockbill Street.  Buy clay in the northern room, and the rest of the tools are available to use in the wheel room.  Steps:
1) "throw" the clay onto the wheel
2) unhold all
3) "mould" the clay into a plate or bowl
4) get the plate or bowl from the wheel
5) get and hold the brush
6) "glaze" the plate or bowl with the cochineal glaze
7) wait for the plate to dry (the glaze doesn't need to)
8) "fire" the plate or bowl (multiples can be done at the same time as well) in the kiln. The success message is "You select a shelf, carefully place a (item) in the kiln and adjust the air flow." and the failure message is "You put a (item) in the kiln.". If you get a failure message the item will explode, but you can get the item from the kiln while holding tongs and try to fire it again once it cools.
9) "check" items in the kiln until they're done.  There's no harm done leaving them in too long.
10) get and hold the tongs
11) get the items from the kiln and put them on the drying rack if you want them to cool faster
The plates have to be plain, pleasant, or fine for the potter to accept them.  The glaze can be as crappy as you like and the potter won't care.  Take the plates, some at a time or all at once, to the wandering potter and say "help" and then "assist".   Give him the plates and bowls and you'll get 1 shiny dollar for each.

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"Matefinder", in which you helped a pair in a gender non-specific way. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Matefinder

Find Gritjaw Thighsplitter wandering in AM, usually in the section bordered to the north by Dock Street, to the west by Treacle Mine, to the south by Cheap Street, and to the east by Short Street and the Ankh River.  Say that you know his name is Graben, then say that Dia Shale sent you, then say that Dia said the marriage is approved.  You don't need to go to Creel Springs for this quest.

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"Onna Rocks!", in which you lose a few stone to stop some trolls moan. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Onna Rocks!

Skills: a major skill branch (faith, covert, fighting, magic) higher than level 75
Items: a few dollars
If your skill branch is high enough, go to Mr. Cheese in the Bucket Inn on the northeast end of Gleam Street.
First be sure you have at least two names set in your finger info.  He won't know if they're fake, but they should be different than your character name.  Say you want a job or offer to help.  When he asks about what you're good at, say the name of your highest major skill branch.  He'll tell you to bring him certain items:
sulphur (from Alchemists' Guild shop on Street of Alchemists)
gold (a gold ring will work)
silver (a silver ring will work or silver paint from Isle of Gods paint shop)
flint (bagel shop on Quarry Lane)
sandstone (Gimlet's on Cable Street)
cinnabar (red pebble from troll vendor rock shop on Quarry Lane)
iron ore (from Alchemists' Guild shop on Street of Alchemists)
lead ore (from Alchemists' Guild shop on Street of Alchemists)
copper ore (from Alchemists' Guild shop on Street of Alchemists)
micholite (purple mineral from Alchemists' Guild shop on Street of Alchemists)
quartz (rosy-quartz pink doughnut from Quarry Bagel Shop (rock bakery) on Quarry Lane)
granite (granite kebabs from Gimlet's on Cable Street)
slate (grey pebble from troll vendor or rock shop on Quarry Lane or slate grey paint from Isle of Gods paint shop)
ash (Filigree or Elm Street smithies, sweepable with a broom from Street of Small Gods smithy)
clay (potter shop on Cockbill Street)
lime (this is mineral lime - "grey pebble" from Mit-sin-bibh-khot's World of Rare Reagents, the shop in the IIL in DJB, works for this)
Bring them to Mr. Cheese and he'll give you an electrum link that can be rubbed.

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"Potter's Friend", in which you helped a craftsman continue his work. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Potter's Friend

Skills: 109+ crafts.carpentry.furniture bonus 
Items: a hammer (any sort, the tool shop on Ettercap Street sells several)
Items: three nails (odds and ends shop on east end of Plaza of Broken Moons)
Go to the pottery shop on the north end of Cockbill Street, hold the hammer, and "fix" the wheel with the nails.

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"Practical Joker", in which you doused a souse. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Practical Joker

Go to the XXXX shop just north of the west end of Filigree Street and buy a tin of beer.  Leave the shop "shake" the tin four times, until it says whoever opens it will have a frothy surprise.  Go back inside the shop and give the tin to Wozza.

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"Prolific Paster", in which you accomplished a sticky endeavour. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Prolific Paster

Go to the Dwarf Bread Museum and find Felicity.  Say "problem" and "I’ll put up the posters for you" and she'll then give you some posters and glue.  How many posters you need to put up depends on where you put them.  The lines at the end of the room descriptions are no indication (it's crowded here, etc).  What you need are rooms with lots of exits.  Five or even six exits are great, but if you're somewhere like the Plaza of Broken Moons or Sator Square, don't put them too close together.  To put up the posters, "apply" the glue to the poster and "paste" the poster in the room.  If you need more posters or glue, go back to Felicity and say you need them.  She might make you wait a bit.

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"Punching Bag", in which you carried around a carcass. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Punching Bag

Items: Side of beef (Butcher on God's Collar)
Items: Meat hook (Shop on Morpork Street)
Items: Hemp rope (Balboni's apartment)

Go to Stony Balboni's apartment near the eastern end of Pony Parts. The entrance is hidden and can be accessed using "climb staircase". 
Search the junk in his apartment for a hemp rope. Give him the rope, meat hook and side of beef.

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"Rock Star", in which you raked till you ached. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Rock Star

Skills: 128 or more adventuring.movement.climbing.rock bonus (unhold all, no shoes, light burden)
Items: Rake (smithy on northeast side of Street of Small Gods)
Go to the Shonky Shop on Clay Lane and wander around until you get to the room with Brother Soon Shine Sun. Go through the hidden exit east here then continue east to a yard with a locked gate. "Climb" the wall and go west into the History Monks temple, then say "help" when Ludlakk is in the room. He'll give you a piece of paper with a grid design on it to be raked into the sand.  "rake" the grid based on the grid coordinates, to form the letters and symbols displayed. "syntax rake" is very helpful.  If you cross over a previously raked section, you'll have to rake it again. Before you start, look at the design on the paper and figure out you're path for going back and forth while avoiding the rocks.

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"Short Changed", in which you learned the true meaning of 'No pain, no gain'. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Short Changed

Items: a few dollars (or tickets, if you have some from completing Prolific Paster), and possibly a friend depending on how you want to do it
When in the Dwarf museum, you need to get your tooth jolted out.  There are multiple ways to loosen it and finally knock it out:
*Eating the scone from the water dunking game. (The scone is not consumed.)
*Eating a tessera won from a game. (The tessera is not consumed.)
*Eating dwarf bread prizes bought with tessera. (Misfortune cookies are consumed, but others aren't.)
*Standing on the platform of the strength tester and having someone else play the game.

If you get messages about your tooth feeling a bit looser, etc., then it's working.  You may need to wait a little while in between eating the scone or tesserae (alternatively, you may not get a message every time it's loosened a bit).

At the entrance to the museum, search the walls to find the hidden room and unlock the door using the key that can be won from the lucky dip game. You could also pick the door, but a bonus of 327 in covert.lockpick.doors fail repeatedly. Place the tooth under the pillow, lie on the bed and then sleep... Repeat this until you get the quest and one dollar from the tooth fairy.

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"Sympathetic", in which you brought happiness through compassion. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Sympathetic

Find the wandering sad man near the intersection Attic Bee and Short street (sometimes in Brother David's) and "comfort" him.  There are other "sad men", but this one has a shorter description.

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"Top Scorer", in which you got kicked around by a bunch of playful trolls, repeatedly. (Quest level 3)

Discworld quest page for Top Scorer

Skills: up to 125 fighting.unarmed.striking bonus to score goals
Skills: fighting.defence.dodging to avoid being hit
Skills: ad.perception to avoid running into people (might TM during play)
Skills: fi.ra.thrown may also help with scoring, TMs during play if low
Items: obsidian boots OPTIONAL (bought from injured troll)
Go to the room with the injured troll on Quarry Lane and "join game" to play.  You can leave the game if you're getting too hurt. You can also use curing rituals during the game. Score 8 times to get the quest.   You may want to drop the trophies to avoid burdening while playing.  After each score, "join game" again to play more.

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"Walleyed", in which you freed a mason. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Walleyed

Skills: 200+ adventuring.perception bonus (200 will succeed infrequently when measuring), 120+ people.culture.ankh-morporkian bonus
Items: measuring tape, chisel, and crowbar (tool shop on Ettercap Street)
Go to the west side of Ankh-Morpork, along Endless Street.  There's a wall you can look at in each room starting 5 rooms n/nw of Limping Gate and going to one south of Shambling Gate.  These are the only rooms the quest will be in.  In a random wall room, you can "search wall" to find a piece of paper.  Another random wall room will have the next step in the quest.  To find the room, start at one end of the wall and "measure wall" with the measuring tape until you see something about an odd stone and crumbling mortar. Measuring too many times within a given time period will cause your eyes to cross and you will have to wait several minutes for them to uncross to continue. Once you have found the correct wall room, "chip mortar" while holding the chisel until the mortar is gone, then "lever block" while holding the crowbar until the block comes out.

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Haunted Mansion quests

"Axe Dealer", in which you returned a dwarf's family heirloom. (Quest level 2)

Discworld quest page for Axe Dealer

Items: weather-beaten key (see SEASONED EXPLORER quest) or lockpicking abilities, a light source
Go to the mansion on Short Street, just south of the intersection with Attic Bee.  "press switch" in the first room to reveal a stairway leading down.  Make sure your light source is lit, and go down.  Go one more room, and get the axe from the corpse, or from the floor if the corpse has decayed.
Don't go any further in the cellar: retrace your steps upstairs and back out to Short Street.

Go to the flats immediately east of the mansion, then into the south apartment on the ground floor.  Go north into the bedroom (you'll hit your head on a bar and get hurt a bit if you don't "crawl").  Give the axe to Stavic to receive the key.

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"Competent Banisher", in which you sent a most pernicious and annoying fiend back where it belonged. (Quest level 3)

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"Crypt Robber", in which you broke into an ancient crypt. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Crypt Robber

Having completed the VETERAN EXPLORER quest below and killed the greater demon (you need to have done the MASTER OF CEREMONIES quest before you can kill the greater demon) then head north once. In this room, you have to "open coffin". This is disguised as a stone table. Then you can "get all" from the coffin.

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"Master Of Ceremonies", in which you performed a mystic ceremony. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Master Of Ceremonies

There are two ways to do this quest:
Items: 1 eagle feather per participant (from Bandit Camp eagle quest - a repeatable quest)

1) For wizards and witches:  At 12:00AM Disc time (midnight), walk diagonally (northeast/southwest) through the connected rooms at the bottom of the tower of Art until you are magically transported to a room in the clouds.  Place the eagle feather on the statue.

2) For priests, assassins, warriors and thieves:  This involves three players, one of which should be a priest, one should be a warrior and the other either a thief or an assassin.  Read the book in the tower of the mansion near the intersection of Short Street with Attic Bee.  First the priest should say "sulamore" and then "galimore". The warrior should then say "duvanti", and finally the thief/assassin should say "duvanti".

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"Radiant Adventurer", in which you found a magic pool and received a magic boost. (Quest level 7)

Discworld quest page for Radiant Adventurer


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"Seasoned Explorer", in which you discovered a hidden dungeon. (Quest level 1)

Discworld quest page for Seasoned Explorer

First go to the flats on Short Street just south of Street of Small Gods.  Go all the way upstairs, and into the south flat.  Go into the bedroom and go "up" then "search nest" to get the weather-beaten key.  Take the key and go to the mansion across the street.  Inside, "press switch" and go down.  Don't wander around further unless you know what you're doing.

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"Veteran Explorer", in which you discovered new areas in the hidden dungeon. (Quest level 4)

Discworld quest page for Veteran Explorer

Skills: some ad.perception?, some co.ca.place, some co.lo.door, some co.lo.traps, possibly co.ma.stealing, co.it.traps?, some fighting. The last trap needs co.it.tr and co.it.po to disarm.
This quest involves disarming traps a few times. You have to be able to spot the traps in order to disarm them, otherwise you'll get hurt.

To complete this quest, you will first need an iron amulet from the wind demon upstairs in the Old Mansion on Short Street south of Brother David's. To get this, enter the mansion (see SEASONED EXPLORER), go up, and go west. Search (possible skillcheck here) to find a lever, pull lever, go up. There's an exit west, then go south. Open the door using a key, it should be the one from the dwarf corpse, or just lockpick it. In the next room you need to disarm the flame trap before you can head south.

To get the wind demon to appear, open the box, and it will come out and autoattack. Kill it to get its amulet, or if you're a thief, filch the amulet from the demon. Or just kill the demon if you want to. Don't wear the amulet because it breaks easily in combat. The room should reset in about 30 minutes and allow another wind demon to come out if you need another amulet because the banshee respawned too fast (sometimes it can be near instantaneous).

Go to the hidden cellar from SEASONED EXPLORER by pressing the switch inside the front door and go down, then south.

The east exit of the room with the dwarf corpse is trapped with a blade trap. Either disarm the trap, or crawl.

Then open the east door with the key from Stavic, or lockpick it if you wish.

In the next room, there are three demons. They don't autoattack, but you must kill them to go east again. The demons spawn relatively quickly - 5 minutes or so, in my experience - so get the amulet from the wind demon upstairs first.) Try not to die. It's a bit of a hassle to retrieve stuff from one's corpse when there are demons and locked doors.

In the next room is a banshee and a gas trap. "Use amulet on banshee" and it will disappear and the amulet will crumble to dust. Hurry up to disarm the gas trap because the banshee respawns fast and if it does you need to go fetch another amulet and by then the demons and blade trap will have respawned too.

In the next room there is a greater demon (that does not autoattack) that can only be killed if you have done the MASTER OF CEREMONIES quest. Just reaching this room will get you the VETERAN EXPLORER quest and $75. You can proceed to the CRYPT ROBBER quest above which involves killing the greater demon.

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