Modern Art Gallery
This gallery has a rotating display including the following artworks
Khep-Mik-Lap's "Splash" -- [TM: Djelian culture]
This square of canvas features patches and splotches of colours. It is almost as though someone got several cans of paint and just flung them at it. But there must be more to it than that, anyone could do that. No, this is truly the work of a master and is a fine example of modern art.
Larry Curb's "Twist of Fate" -- [TM: Ankh-Morporkian culture]
This piece of art stands six feet tall and is constructed from sand blasted, heat blackened metal. Its twisted shape denotes the artist's conception of his home city, a land filled with trouble and strife. That or he found some bits left when the Drum burned down and thought he'd make a quick buck.
Bolt Fursley's "It Was Like That When I Found It"
This canvas has been painted black with oils and features a splotch of red and yellow which sits squarely in the centre of the painting. While it looks as though someone with a mustard and ketchup bottle could achieve the same effect for considerably less than the fifty thousand dollars the Art Museum paid for it, only an unashamed modern artist could sell it for that without giggling.
Linel Farst's "There's Something Wrong With My Duster"
One would be forgiven for thinking this artwork was roadkill from an exotic aviary (and given some modern art, this would be quite plausible). Masses of colourful feathers of different lengths and shapes have been stuck onto a canvas backing in no discernable pattern. It is colourful and just that little bit distressing to ornithologists.
Mandy-Loo Bellomi's "The Last Fish"
This painting depicts the naked presence of an Ankh-Morpork beauty, one whose modesty is maintained by the eponymous fish. Littered with symbols of fishing, and fruit, this dreamlike rendering of the fattened female flesh reminds one of the plumper, prosperous times and leaves one considering not only the fish and fruit as food but the woman herself who seems ready to be served on the silver platter on which she stands.
Michel Du Bois's "Hemp Fandango"
This oil painting shows two lengths of hemp rope on a dance floor. One is dressed in a tuxedo while the other wears a pink ball gown. They appear to be dancing.
Jendro's "Frog Sunbathing" -- [TM: Ankh-Morporkian culture]
This watercolour shows a green frog stretched out on a deck chair enjoying the sun on a beach. It is wearing a pair of yellow shorts and a straw hat.
Snaud Umlaut's "Bureaucratic Business" -- [TM: Ankh-Morporkian culture]
A life-sized bronze statue of a business man in a three piece suit stands alone in front of a red brick wall of roughly the same height. The statue is bent forward slightly and has no head as his neck seems to connect directly to the wall itself. It still clutches its briefcase in its right hand.
Benny Poleflipper's "A Pile of Gear"
This sculpture appears to be a haphazard pile of fishing gear presented on a pedestal. A large seaweed riddled net, a bamboo fishing pole, a harpoon, two filleting knives, and a spilled box of lures and hooks have all been crammed together in this messy pile.
Margo Henshaw's "Call Me Daisy"
This oil painting shows a man dressed seriously in a dark suit in front of a background of grey. A white daisy appears to be growing out of the top of his head and he does not seem at all concerned about this strange affliction.
Fran Noon's "Fuzzy Navel"
From a distance this small canvas, which is carefully framed, looks like the epitome of good taste. Fuzzy daubs of green and blue create the feeling of a rainy impressionistic landscape; swirls of cream and grey make a rococo confection. Up close, however, it's a different story. Noon's passion erupts in an orgy of colour and the landscape reveals itself to be something more akin to an unshaven stomach.
Andy Wahoonie's "Beans" -- [TM: Ankh-Morporkian culture]
The artist of this print is definitely ahead of his time and his work is understandably much sought after by collectors. This print is of a single can of beans, its top pried open, with a spoon handle sticking out. It looks as if someone has eaten half the can.
Daniellarina Pouter's "Don't Talk to Me About Mondays"
This is Daniellarina Pouter's highly acclaimed Don't Talk to Me About Mondays. It features a plinth piled high with a variety of rags.
Daniellarina Pouter's "Freedom" -- [TM: Ankh-Morporkian culture]
This is Daniellarina Pouter's "Freedom"; a stake with a nail in it and a small bloodstain near the nail. It was created when the Patrician had Pouter's ear nailed to the stake when he saw her work, "Don't Talk to Me About Mondays". She managed to pull herself free after some time and is now planning to nail herself to other items.
Bolt Fursley's "Carrot and the Ass" -- [TM: Ankh-Morporkian culture]
While a donkey and a carrot may seem a mundane topic for the genre of modern art, it is immediately obvious that this is no ordinary charcoal drawing. It shows a massive carrot with stumpy arms and legs biting a chunk out of a donkey's rump.
"Well" by an unknown artist
This famous sculpture was created by an avant garde artist nowhere near as famous as his sculpture. In fact, this particular sculpture is so famous that it has completely eclipsed its creator, so much so that no one really remembers who he was. It's definitely art though, as the flowing lines and smooth sanded wood suggests. Why, entire art critics' careers could be moulded from a critique of this sculpture. However, all the snobbery of the art world can't disguise the fact that it is actually nothing more than a privy.
Jendro's "Empty" -- [TM: Ankh-Morporkian culture]
If this square of canvas stretched over a wooden frame was hanging anywhere else, one might assume that some error had been made. But since it is adorning a wall in the modern art gallery of the Royal Art Museum, it is clear that it is a powerful and evocative Statement of some kind.
Artie Bywicks's "Dwarf In Toga" -- [TM: Lancrastian culture]
This is an oil painting of a single female figure from her ample chest up in a traditional white Ephebian toga. Her bushy red beard is quite loud compared to the rest of the work and her eyes cannot be seen behind a dark pair of deep downer goggles. The dwarf is not smiling and the blankness of the goggles make the whole painting seem rather dark and depressing.
Margo Henshaw's "End of the World"
This granite headstone was constructed by Margo Henshaw when she discovered that the museum's modern art budget had been slashed. Engraved on it in sombre lettering are the words Here lies artistic expression.
"Counting Down" by an unknown artist
A grey cloak, stiffened with starch, seems to have been suspended from the ceiling of the gallery with string. It is eerily familiar and resembles a scarier version of a stereotypical ghost.
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