The Exhibition Gallery is located in the Royal Art Museum and has a rotating display which so far has featured:
- 1 Works inspired by the Gods
- 2 Works inspired by the humble cabbage
- 3 Works by dwarf artists
- 4 Paintings and drawings with distinctly floral themes
- 5 The varied works of Sineus Fedron
- 6 Artworks by the children of the city
- 7 Artworks by troll artists
- 8 Works inspired by sea and surf
- 9 Works representing Ankh-Morpork guilds
- 10 Artworks by Ankh-Morpork artists
Works inspired by the Gods
Hilk-Mit-Hem's "Altar to Sarduk" -- [TM: Klatchian culture]
This altar is actually a small cave crafted from light-weight pumice. It looks quite realistic, if on a smaller scale, and features rocky outcrops and a worn floor.
Daniel Remington III's "The Goddess Anoia Arising From the Cutlery"
This painting depicts Anoia, Goddess of Things That Get Stuck in Drawers. Backed by a warm golden light, she is a slender, sheet-clad woman with a cascade of mahogany hair. She smokes a cigarette which gives off flames and sparks, and appears to have a somewhat cynical expression. The bottom of the painting depicts a kitchen drawer packed with a messy array of cutlery.
Sir Robert Cuspidor's "Bleak Yellow Table Performance"
A tribute to Urika (Goddess of Saunas, Snow and Theatrical Performances for Fewer than 120 People), this delightful painting shows a small stage on which a man, dressed all in black, is standing. He is wearing a black beret and is smoking a cigarette in a long ebony holder. The painting takes on the perspective of someone in the audience and it is clear to see, from the mostly empty chairs in front of the stage, that the show is not the most popular in town.
Melius's "The Great God Om" -- [TM: Ankh-Morporkian culture]
This shows the Great God Om as he first appeared to the prophet Brutha. Far from the shimmering, golden figure he shows at full strength, in this painting Om is a humble tortoise with one beady eye and a badly chipped shell. The painting is presented in a circular frame of wood that has been varnished to approximate tortoiseshell.
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Works inspired by the humble cabbage
Josiah Remnant's "Still Life with Cabbage, Broccoli both Green and Purple, Sprouts, Kale and Elderly Couple being Attacked by Werewolf" -- [TM: Ankh-Morporkian culture]
A collection of beautifully rendered vegetables are the focus of this still life painting, in particular the prize-winning 295 pound "Rumptuous Javelin" cabbage. The vegetables are arranged on the grounds of a country estate, which has been painted in somewhat less detail. Beside an ornamental fountain to the left of the painting is an elderly couple, identified as Sir Henry and Lady Rumptuous. They are cowering from the shadowy figure of a werewolf.
Josiah Remnant's "Landscape With Cabbage"
A well-known landscape, this painting depicts the view over some cabbage fields in the Sto Plains. It's exactly as exciting as it sounds - an expanse of flat land, interspersed with the occasional fence and sparsely dotted with trees. The cabbages in the fields are what set this piece apart. While most artists would dab a few splotches about and call it a day, Remnant has painstakingly detailed each and every cabbage in every single field.
Josiah Remnant's "Prospects of Sprouts Upon a February"
Another member of the brassica family, sprouts are the leafy green buds which grow along the stalk of a particular type of wild cabbage. This painting depicts a close up view of a row of such cabbages in their early stages. Only a few inches of stalk have emerged from the dirt beneath the leafy cabbage heads, dotted with small green buds. Only a small group of people would find such a painting interesting, let alone beautiful.
Horace Pennet's "Brassica"
Carved from a single block of oak, this sculpture is a one-to-one scale representation of a cabbage - a porraceous sprouter, to be precise. The craftsmanship is impeccable, each leaf finely detailed and ... well, there's not much else to really say about a wooden cabbage. There's a moth carved on the edge of one of the leaves. Why anyone would carve a wooden cabbage is something only a farmer of the Sto Plains would truly understand.
Reginald Hamrich's "Evil Cabbage"
Twice the size of a normal cabbage, this foul beast is one of the fearsome evil cabbages known to lurk deep in the forgotten recesses of cabbage warehouses. The red glow of its eyes, for it has eyes, has been reproduced with some carefully-applied paint. It has been preserved in a menacing pose, sharp-looking fronds outstretched and prickly teeth visible between leaves.
Ellen Pundwitt's "Field of Cabbages"
A few yards long and a couple of yards wide, a lot of work has gone into this rustic but pleasant tapestry. The tapestry is decorated with a tessellating pattern of cabbage shapes, woven in three different shades of green. The pattern extends to the ends of the tapestry, which is edged with a thick brown tasselled border, representing the earth beneath the cabbage field.
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Works by dwarf artists
Bjorn Ironsmelterson's "Axed"
Made entirely from twisted axes, this sculpture seems to be a monument to the trusty tool/weapon that dwarfs never like to be without. The overall shape resembles a sphere... a very sharp sphere.
Dravak'ha Smithsnephew's "Fire Hazard"
This oil painting shows a dwarf hard at work in front of a forge. He is holding red hot length of metal in tongs in one hand and is beating it flat on an anvil using a hammer in his other. Sparks have been painted flying into the air around the dwarf, periously close to his long, brown beard.
Bleary Rockcrusher's "Gold Gold Gold"
A simple painting featuring bricks of gold piled atop each other in a pyramid shape. The artist has really captured the shine of the precious metal.
Drog Baldersson's "Tunnel Collapse" -- [TM: Lancrastian culture]
This dramatic and wrenching oil painting depicts the tragic event in which the dwarf artist, Drog, lost his parents. Two stout dwarfs with thick, full beards struggle to keep holding up the heavy supporting tunnel beam that falls upon them. It's obvious that their strength is failing and that the beam will soon crush them (not so obvious is which dwarf was Drog's mother and which his father).
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Paintings and drawings with distinctly floral themes
Lucinda von Weirthe's "Daised"
A simple clay flowerpot like one would expect to find in a garden has been turned into a work of art by the simple addition of metal flowers. They are daisies, to be precise, and have been created out of twisted lengths of steel wire.
Geoffry Vindal's "Sunflower"
This is a lovely painting by a little-known artist by the name of Geoffry Vindal. It shows a meadow of sunflowers right up to the horizon line.
Jacques Picard's "Single Rose"
This painting done in oils shows a single long-stemmed red rose. it is on a black background and seems to be lit from above. The rose is flawlessly beautiful but a single thorn on the stem reminds the viewer that beauty has a price.
Henriette Duchams's "Up Close and Personal With Iris"
This picture, done with colour pencils, shows a purple and yellow bearded iris. It is from the perspective of a bee which explains why most of the picture is blurred blobs of yellow, purple and green.
Nigel Philea's "Cold Tulip"
Displayed on a pedestal, this glass creation looks as delicate as a real-life tulip. It would take a glassblower of considerable skill to create such a work of art, and Nigel Philea is widely acknowledged as the best in his field.
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The varied works of Sineus Fedron
Sineus Fedron's "Hippo Times" -- [TM: Ankh-Morporkian culture]
When viewed from a distance this painting shows a hippo dancing on hind legs. Up close, the entire painting consists of tiny images of large turtles carrying various animals on their backs. Each animal supports its very own Discworld. Some would say it is a brilliant masterpiece that reveals more and more as it is being studied, while others have argued that the turtle-shaped images were pure coincidence.
Sineus Fedron's "Great A'Tuin"
A rather large sculpture clearly showing Great A'Tuin paddling through space. The first thing that catches your eye, though, isn't the tiny sun orbiting it, but the fact that there is only one elephant carrying the Disc. Perhaps it is a remnant of the time when one elephant was commonly believed to carry the entire Discworld. Nowadays, though, it is even mathematically proven that it would require four elephants to assure balance.
Sineus Fedron's "DragonogarD" -- [TM: Ankh-Morporkian culture]
This colourful statue depicts two dragons standing close to each other. Viewed from one side, the dragons clearly embrace each other, but from the other they look as if they are trying their best to strangle one another. This could be a political statement, or simply a cruel joke about poor indecisive dragons.
Sineus Fedron's "A Quiet Afternoon" -- [TM: Ankh-Morporkian culture]
Three charcoal drawings hang side by side on the wall. The first is a very good drawing of a bottle of wine and three apples on a table. It is so detailed that it is even possible to see the structure of the wood used to make the table. The second is a bit murkier, the table simply being an indistinct rectangle with two apples and a half-full bottle of wine atop it. The last drawing shows a large blob in the lower half, presumably the table from earlier, but the now-empty wine bottle has been over turned and as far as you can tell, there is no sign of apples.
Sineus Fedron's "Cry Wolf"
This is one of the last works created by Sineus Fedron before his mysterious death. The picture shows a small kitchen, with a chair put with the back towards the window. It is clearly night outside, and the full moon has started to rise. The man in the chair looks a bit odd, one half of him being a handsome young man, well dressed in silk, and the other half looking like it is turning into some kind of animal, perhaps a wolf.
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Artworks by the children of the city
Christopher Harken (age 4)'s "Mr Blobby"
This colourful drawing, done in crayon, features several blobs of pink in a roughly humanoid shape. Around the figure are other blobs approximating a tree, some flowers and a cheery (and blobby) yellow sun. The picture is completed by scribbles of blue above, for the sky, and green below, for grass.
Angela Delores (age 8)'s "Hermit The Frog"
This painting, created on a large piece of butcher's paper, shows a bright green frog with bulging, froggy eyes. It is peeking out from inside a spiral shell with an unhappy expression on its face. It's not easy being seen.
Charlotte Jenkins's "No Thumbs"
The artist of this work has taken a very hands on approach by using her fingers instead of a brush. Colourful fingerprints cover the paper and the work has been finished with felt-tipped pen used to give each print facial features, arms and legs.
Bryson Chalmert (age 10)'s "Mug For My Dad" -- [TM: Ankh-Morporkian culture]
A chunky, lop-sided clay mug that is a hand-moulded expression of the love of a son for his father. Well, it's an expression of something, at least. Painted on it, in wobbly letters, are the words: "To tHe gratest DAD in tHe Wurld".
Bashful Smithson (age 12)'s "Mine" -- [TM: Ankh-Morporkian culture]
This drawing shows the above ground entrance to a mine and, in intricate detail below it, several passages of the mine. Some dwarfs can be seen attacking the rock with gusto (and picks) while others push carts of ore up the shafts. The work is quite good given the age of the artist.
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Artworks by troll artists
Trogidus's "Orb" -- [TM: Ankh-Morporkian culture]
Fighting against craggy tradition, Trogidus stunned his fellow trolls when he created this large sculpture of a single, highly-polished globe of granite. The brewing criticism was quickly subdued, however, when Trogidus demonstrated how to use the orb to bowl down a Watchman on Short Street.
Chip's "Crystal Statue" -- [TM: Lancrastian culture]
This delicate and luminous sculpture was hewn from a single large quartz crystal by the artist with his teeth. Light plays about and within the crystal making the lovely troll maiden it depicts appear to glow.
Shale's "Slab: Just Say Arrrghpleasenooo"
This colourful poster was designed by the artist known only as Shale for the City Watch's campaign against slab, an addictive troll drug. It shows a troll lying flat on its back staring at colourful spiders floating above its head. Its moss seems to be on fire, but it is too preoccupied looking at all the pretty colours to care.
Gravel's "Troll Bridge" -- [TM: Lancrastian culture]
This is a model troll bridge made from model trolls. Considered as one of Gravel's finest works, the minature trolls have been constructed from small stones and then each troll has been bent into different positions to form the shape of a bridge.
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Works inspired by sea and surf
Han Oryzias's "Wave" -- [TM: Agatean culture]
This stunning painting features a tower of frothy, white water that has built up on the left side of this painting. A deep gully has formed before it to the right of the painting waiting for the imminent impact of the huge wall of water.
Roy E. Burtlebye's "Tall Ship Bluebottle"
A tall, three masted frigate in full furled gleaming white sail makes its way across this intricate watercolour. Deep blue waves break around its hull as it chases down a small ship upon a pale orange horizon.
Bano Imagatchi's "Man and Board"
Standing on the nose of a long, fat sapient pearwood board is a powerful tanned figure. He appears to almost teeter on the board as he slides down the tube of a crashing wavetop. The frame of the oil painting is rather unique, made from a darkly stained and carved wood it features a border of palm trees, a tiny crab and a series of gulls across the top.
Stefano di Maggininini's "Skiff" -- [TM: People.culture.ankh-morporkian As you look at the skiff racing boat vibrant watercolour, you feel you've learnt something about the culture of Genuan. ]
Having just crested a frothy white wave, this vibrant watercolour features a tiny racing sailboat leaping through the air. The glittering of the water and a sparkle of bold orange-yellow sunshine blares through beneath its hull. The man at the rudder has one fist raised in triumph.
Giverny Ikki Nithorpe's "Undersea Atoll"
This soft watercolour might have been painted while the artist dunked his head under warm tropical waters. Long undulating sea grasses in a circular reef are peppered with harder looking brain and antler coral types. Bright fish swim across a beautiful background of blues, reds, greens, pinks, and oranges.
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Works representing Ankh-Morpork guilds
Lord James Carde's "Hide and Seek in the Assassins' Courtyard"
Painted by a graduate of the guild, this masterfully executed piece depicts the courtyard of the Assassins' Guild, viewed from the gates. Surrounded by door-studded walls and decorated with potted plants, the courtyard has been faithfully portrayed with its bronze statue of Ellis William Netley in the centre and the apparently artistic collection of painted wooden stumps in a far corner. Apart for a solitary student who is standing beside the statue with his eyes closed, the courtyard appears to be empty.
the Thieves' Guild's "You Get What You Pay For"
As legend has it, this piece was commissioned from the Thieves' Guild for a hefty sum, granting full artistic freedom to produce something representative of the guild. By request of the guild, it was not viewed until it was unveiled at the opening of the exhibition. The piece consists of a simple wooden frame, empty except for a scrap of paper which has been pinned to the middle of it: a Thieves' Guild receipt for "1 x Art", to the value of "Priceless". To this day, nobody knows what the original piece looked like, or if it existed at all.
the Fools' Guild's "Dog with No Nose" -- [TM: Ankh-Morporkian culture]
On loan from the Fools' Guild, this well-preserved dog is more a piece of jocular history than art, being as it is, the original "Dog with No Nose". All in all, it's a shaggy mongrel of little note (other than its lack of nose). It smells of formaldehyde. While not exactly a piece of art, it does a good job of representing the guild's place at the cutting edge of modern comedy.
the Alchemists' Guild's "Corrosives on Stone, Batch C.08"
A unique form of "painting", the canvas of this piece is in fact a two inch thick slab of stone. The stone has been etched using a variety of acids and other corrosive chemicals, mixed with inks and dyes. The end result is a stunningly textured piece of modern art, featuring colourful valleys, splashes of bubbled stone and a section that simply seems scorched. Some cynics claim that this is simply a piece of paving lifted from one of the guild labs.
Kitti Vantsid's "Sure, I Can Stay The Night"
Somewhat appropriately, the Seamstresses' Guild is represented in this exhibition by an expertly sewn decorative pillowcase. The pillow in question is rather long and skinny, roughly the size of an adult human. A large amount of light pink thread has been used in order to embroider a curvaceous (and appropriately buxom) woman, sans clothing, on the pillowcase. The piece is quite risque, but seems popular -- particularly amongst Agatean tourists, for some reason.
Artworks by Ankh-Morpork artists
Honest John Ludd's "Bits of Ankh-Morpork"
This sculpture truly represents the great city of Ankh-Morpork having been constructed from parts of its famous buildings. The base stone was once a step outside this very museum. Atop it sits a clay pipe from the Mended Drum and draped around that is a string of glass beads nicked from a curtain in the Pink PussyCat Club. At the very top of the sculpture, supported by a large letter "W", is the weathervane from the roof of the Assassins' Guild. The artist, John Ludd, was found dead shortly after with a receipt placed neatly into his thieving hands.
"Beauty Arising from the Pease Pudding Cart Attended by Cherubs Carrying Hot Dogs and Pies" by an unknown artist
A masterpiece of Morporkian artistry, this painting features a blinding female beauty arising from a crowded writhing mass of humanity before a small cart with "Pees Puddin" blazed across the side. The beautiful angelic woman is flanked by a pair of babe-like cherubs sporting oblong sausages. The work itself doesn't make one bit of sense, but it sure is beautiful.
William Pouter's "Man With Dog"
A classically-rendered portrait, Man With Dog is the painting widely considered to best capture Lord Havelock Vetinari, Patrician of Ankh-Morpork. Dressed in black on a black background, Vetinari is depicted in all his carefully measured austerity, one eyebrow slightly raised as if expecting the viewer to answer some unspoken question. In the lower left of the painting, one of the Patrician's hands rests lightly upon the head of Wuffles, his beloved and extremely elderly wide-haired terrier.
Sir Robert Cuspidor's "Wagon Stuck In River" -- [TM: People.culture.ankh-morporkian As you look at the watercolour, you feel you've learnt something about the culture of Ankh-Morpork. ]
A somewhat comical painting, this piece shows the fate of a luckless wagon which, purportedly in its haste to escape the scene of a robbery, managed to plunge into the river Ankh. Pon's Bridge can be seen in the background, tightly lined by entertained gawkers. The rear end of the covered wagon has sunk into the thick sludge of the river and looks quite thoroughly stuck. A horse, still tethered to the wagon, stands beside it on the river's crust, looking somewhat embarrassed.
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