Eateries (Ankh Morpork)

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Actors' Guild bar

The Actors' Guild bar is located in the Actors' Guild, on the south edge of Thespians' Yard.

Drink Price in Ankh-morporkain pence
Lager shandy 30p
Apple cider 85p
Lemon drink 30p

There is a shoe-shine machine here. For Two Ankh-morporkian dollars, you can use it.

Example

> Use machine to shine my shoes

Using the shoe-shine machine will give you an achievement[1] and a special condition

All Bar None

All Bar None is located on the southeast corner of Pseudopolis Yard, on the Isle of Gods. Only cocktails are sold here.

There is no menu, but you can "request a suggestion" and then "order" something.

All Jolson's Restaurant

All Jolson's Restaurant is located on Turnwise Broadway, east of Peasant Parade. It is an upscale gourmet Resturant selling the finest of meals. The atmosphere is light and jovial. The menu is split into three categories, Main Courses, Deserts and Alcoholic Beverages.

Food/Drink Price in Ankh-morkporkian dollars Category
Vegetable stew with dumplings 3.50$ Main Courses
Bangers and mash 4$ Main Courses
Lamb medallions with gorgonzola sauce 5.75$ Main Courses
Smitten Steak and Slumpie 6$ Main Courses
Wild boar and roast potatoes 6$ Main Courses
Black Death Meringue 2.50$ Deserts
Honey Ice cream 3$ Deserts
Tanker of classic mead 1.49$ Alcoholic Beverages
Pint of Fine ale 1.99$ Alcoholic Beverages
Pint of Winkle's Old Peculiar 2.49$ Alcoholic Beverages
Pint of Smithwick's 2.49$ Alcoholic Beverages
Glass of Riesling from Uberwald 4.49$ Alcoholic Beverages
glass of Borogravian Sauternes 5.99$ Alcoholic Beverages

There is also a Refrigerated Safe here. It is crackable by thieves.

The Apex Club bar

The Apex Club bar is located in the Apex Club on Esoteric Street. Only members may enter.

It sells food, gin, wine, and one cocktail, a Dew Drop.

There is a Frog bulletin board here.

Guild of Assassins mess hall

The Guild of Assassins mess hall is located at the southeast end of the Guild of Assassins courtyard. It is split into two parts.

North Side


This is the more stylish side of the mess hall and is intended for Graduate Students and Teachers. The menu is split into five categories, Appetizers, Main Courses, Deserts, Alcoholic Beverages and Soft Drinks.

Food/Drink Price in Ankh-morkporkian dollars Category
Bagel 1$ Appetizers
Bread roll 1$ Appetizers
Croissant 1.50$ Appetizers
Serving of garlic mashed potatoes 3$ Main Courses
Ham and cheese roll 4$ Main Courses
Serving of buttered baby carrots 4$ Main Courses
Serving of sauteed mushrooms 4$ Main Courses
Portion of bangers and mash 5$ Main Courses
Plate of roast pork with vegetables 5$ Main Courses
Portion of lamb medallions with gorgonzola sauce 5.50$ Main Courses
Lemon parfait 3$ Deserts
Serving of raspberries and cream 3$ Deserts
Petit fours 3$ Deserts
Serving of strawberries and cream 3$ Deserts
Coffee eclair 3$ Deserts
Pint of ale 2$ Alcoholic Beverages
Glass of white wine 3$ Alcoholic Beverages
Glass of brandy 3$ Alcoholic Beverages
Glass of red wine 3.50$ Alcoholic Beverages
Glass of water 50p Soft Drinks

South Side


This is the side intended for student assassins. It is rather plain and the food choices are even plainer. The menu is split into three categories, Main Corses, Desert and Soft Drinks.

Food/Drink Price in Ankh-morkporkian dollars Category
some slices of roast beef 3$ Main Courses
waffle 1$ Deserts
Glass of Water 50p Soft Drinks
Glass of warm milk 75p Soft Drinks
glass of apple juice 1$ Soft Drinks

The Beggar's Boot Banquet

The Beggar's Boot Banquet is located on Sheer Street, west of Pon's Bridge. It is a cafe that was created by Beggars and caters to Beggars. It is made out of cardboard and other useless material. The Menu is made up of three categories of disgusting items that only the most dedicated foodies would try. If a player is hardened enough to try all the food items, they get an achievement[2]

Food/Drink Price in Ankh-morkporkian dollars Category
Boot Lace 49p Appetizers
Old Boot 1.49$ Main Courses
Sole de Boot 1.99$ Main Courses
Heel Pie 2.49$ Main Courses
Boot avec Mud 2.49$ Main Courses
Boot avec Substance ne pas Identifiable Stuck au Bottom 2.99$ Main Courses
Slime Pour la Folle 49p Soft Drinks
Slime de la Gutter 49p Soft Drinks
Slime de le Shoe de Femme 1.49$ Soft Drinks
Slime Pour le Connoisseur 1.49$ Soft Drinks

The Bucket

The Bucket is located near the end of Gleam Street, east of Elm Street. It is the favoured pub of watchmen and while a little upscale its clientele are not. Food is not served here and the menu only has one category, Alcoholic Beverages.

Food/Drink Price in Ankh-morkporkian dollars Category
Whiskey 50p Alcoholic Beverages
Ankh Ale 50p Alcoholic Beverages
Brain Twister 2.50$ Alcoholic Beverages
Carrot Juice 2.50$ Alcoholic Beverages
Asparagus Souper 2.50$ Alcoholic Beverages
Dew Drop 3$ Alcoholic Beverages
Frog Wash 3$ Alcoholic Beverages
Eye Opener 3$ Alcoholic Beverages
Grand Finale 5$ Alcoholic Beverages

There's a garden out back with swings, a slide, and (in the easternmost room) a "drop four" board.

In a dark alcove north of the bar is Old Crumble, who will happily comment on various guilds, jobs, and other things, if you mention them to him (or even if you don't).

The Bunch of Grapes

The Bunch of Grapes is located on Easy Street, southeast of Elm Street. It is a quiet little pub where patrons go to drink their problems away. The owner of the pub has delusions of grandeur and overall the pub has a dreary atmosphere. Food is not served here and there is only one category on the menu, Alcoholic Beverages.

Food/Drink Price in Ankh-morkporkian dollars Category
Morporkian beer 90p Alcoholic Beverages
Easy Street ale 1$ Alcoholic Beverages
Bearhugger's whiskey 2.25$ Alcoholic Beverages
Ankhian extra-strong vodka 3$ Alcoholic Beverages
Scumble 3.75$ Alcoholic Beverages

Burgner's Coffee on the Maul

Burgner's Coffee on the Maul is located in the middle of the Maul, and is a stall. It sells coffee.

Celery Appleseed's Juice Bar

Celery Appleseed's Juice Bar is located on Attic Bee Street, west of its intersection with Short Street. There is an emphasis on natural and this is the only organic non-alcoholic bar in the entirety of Ankh-Morkpork. The atmosphere is light. Food is not served here and the menu is split into eight categories, Nectars, Milkshakes, Teas, Blends, Waters, Lemonades, Milks and Juices.

Food/Drink Price in Ankh-morkporkian dollars Category
Glass of peach nectar 2.50 Nectars
Large glass of chocolate milkshake 3.75$ Milkshakes
Large glass of cabbage milkshake 3.75$ Milkshakes
Large glass of strawberry milkshake 3.75$ Milkshakes
Large glass of banana milkshake 3.75$ Milkshakes
Glass of iced tea 3$ Teas
Glass of strawberry kiki fruit blend 2.52$ Blends
Large bottle of fresh Lancrastian water 6$ Waters
Small bottle of imported water 6.25$ Waters
Pitcher of lemonade 5$ Lemonades
Glass of goat's milk 2.47$ Milks
Glass of cow's milk 2.51$ Milks
Glass of apple juice 1.50$ Juices
Glass of cranberry juice 1.50$ Juices
Glass of grabe juice 1.25$ Juices
Large glass of tomato juice 5$ Juices
Glass of orange juice 2.50$ Juices
Glass of guava and passion fruit juice 5$ Juices

This bar functions differently from other bars. You "order a drink", and then say the drink that you want. He'll give you a piece of paper, and when your drink's ready (this takes a little while), you'll need to give it back to him.

Example

> order drink                                                             
   You ask Celery Appleseed about ordering a drink.                          
   Celery Appleseed asks: What can I get for you, madam?                     
> say a glass of guava and passion fruit juice                            
   You say: a glass of guava and passion fruit juice                         
   Celery Appleseed says: Sure, I'd be glad to make you a guava and passion fruit juice.                                                              
   You pay Celery Appleseed A$5.                                             
   Celery Appleseed gives a piece of writing paper to you.                   
   
   Celery Appleseed exclaims loudly: Number two hundred and seventy-nine!    
   Your guava and passion fruit juice is ready!                              
> give paper to celery                                                    
   You give a piece of writing paper to Celery Appleseed.                    
   Celery Appleseed places a glass on the counter.                           
> get glass from counter                                                  
   You get a glass from the large wooden counter.

Le Cochon

Le Cochon is located near the southwest end of Nonesuch Street, which runs along the south side of Hide Park. It is lavish restaurant decorated with warm colors and fine taste. The atmosphere is romantic and the menu is split into two categories, Main Courses, and Alcoholic Beverages.

Food/Drink Price in Ankh-morkporkian dollars Category
Une douzaine d'escargots 3.45$ Main Courses
Une demie douzaine d'escargots 2.01$ Main Courses
Fruits de mer 3.45$ Main Courses
Tete de sanglier gratinee au four avec du fromage de Quirm 5.75$ Main Courses
Fete du Magicien 13.80$ Main Courses
Croque Morporkien 2.30$ Main Courses
Pate d'ecrevisses avec du pain 2.30$ Main Courses
Entrecote d'elan avec une sauce de demon penible 4.60$ Main Courses
Cuisses de grenouille 4.60$ Main Courses
Rouge de la Maison 1.15$ Alcoholic Beverages
Le Vieu Renard 4.60$ Alcoholic Beverages
Le Bonheur Bouteille 3.45$ Alcoholic Beverages
Chateau de Pomperiposse 5.75$ Alcoholic Beverages
La Veuve Ogg 57p Alcoholic Beverages
Blanc de la Maison 1.15$ Alcoholic Beverages
Presque-Chateau de Uberwald 3.45$ Alcoholic Beverages
Chateau de la Poisson Rose 6.90$ Alcoholic Beverages

Costlee Coffee on Market Street

Costlee Coffee on Market Street is located on Market Street, southeast of the Hat temple. This is a simple little cafe that while having a stripped down look is a pleasant dining experience. The coffee machine is facinating to watch and the atmosphere is earthy. No food is served here and the menu is split into two categories, Hot Drinks, and Sundries.

Food/Drink Price in Ankh-morkporkian dollars Category
Quirmian Espresso 75p Hot Drinks
Cocoa 87p Hot Drinks
Hot Chocolate 87p Hot Drinks
Tea 1$ Hot Drinks
Sweet Tea 1$ Hot Drinks
White Coffee 1.25$ Hot Drinks
Black Coffee 1.25$ Hot Drinks
Cappuccino 1.50$ Hot Drinks
Lancre Coffee 1.62$ Hot Drinks
Klatchian Coffee 2$ Hot Drinks
sugar cubes 10p Sundries

There are newspaper boxes for both the AM Daily and the Green Slab.

The Crimson Leech

The Crimson Leech is located on Easy Street, southeast of Elm Street. It is a rowdy crowded tavern filled to the brim with smoke and drunks. The tavern features a large bar and the atmosphere is a smokey rush. Food is not served here and the menu has one category, Alcoholic Beverages.

Food/Drink Price in Ankh-morkporkian dollars Category
Ale 75p Alcoholic Beverages
Cider 1$ Alcoholic Beverages
Dark rum 1.75$ Alcoholic Beverages
White rum 2$ Alcoholic Beverages
Whiskey 2.50$ Alcoholic Beverages

The Curry Gardens

The Curry Gardens is located in the middle of God Street. This is a pleasant Klatchian style restaurant that prioritizes curry. The restaurant is stocked with curry plants so you know that the food is home-grown and the atmosphere is naturally spicy. there are no categories in the menu because of the way a player orders food but there seems to be two categories, Currys, Soft Drinks, and Appetizers.

Food/Drink Price in Ankh-morkporkian dollars Category
Porn Cracker 4p Appetizers
Rice 4p Appetizers
Curried Balls of Meet 8p Appetizers
Donnah Kebab 6p Appetizers
Extra Curry 5p Currys
Curried Rise 7p Currys
Curry with Herbs 7p Currys
Curry with Vegetables 8p Currys
Curry with Curried Swede 9p Currys
Curry with Meat 10p Currys
Water 9p Soft Drinks

This Restaurant functions differently from other Restaurants. First, you must "Summon the Waiter" which will call a waiter to you. Second, you can "ask for a menu" which will prompt the waiter to list the menu. Third, you must "order a food item from the waiter to take away, eat here, or eat in an alcove". If you eat in an alcove you will be transported to an alcove where you can eat in relative privacy. If you want to order again in an alcove you must say "eat here" when ordering food. If you take away then the waiter will give you your order in a paper bag. If you eat here you will be handed food.

Example

> Summon Waiter 
   You call out for the waiter.
   Manuel Fawlty runs into the room.
> say Can I have a menu?
   Manuel Fawlty exclaims: You wanting to hear the food we can serve you? We can make you Porn cracker, 
   Rice, Naan Yogg Bred, Extra Curry, Curried Balls of Meet, a Donnah Kebab, Pittar Bred, Curry with 
   Curry, Curried Rise, Curry with Herbs, Curry with Vegetables, Curry with Curried Swede, Curry with 
   Meat, Curry with Sweat, and Sore Balls of Pig, Curry with Named Meat and Wartar.  You like? Please 
   order!
> order Extra Curry from Fawlty to eat here
   You pay the waiter.
   Manuel Fawlty runs out to the kitchen.  He emerges carrying an order of extra curry.
   Manuel Fawlty gives a helping of curry to you.
   Manuel Fawlty exclaims: Engloy your meal!
   You order Extra Curry from Manuel Fawlty to eat here.

NOTE There are three items missing from the table above. This is due to the fact that you cannot order the item's based on the waiter's spelling of them.

These Items are:

  • Pittar Bred
  • Naan Yogg Bred
  • Curry with Sweat
  • Sore Balls of Pig
  • Curry with Named Meat

If you know how to order these Items please either tell someone or edit the wiki yourself. Thanks

Dark classy bar

The Dark classy bar is a hidden bar located on the west side of the Cattle District in Ankh-Morpork. The dark classy bar gets its name from the classiness of the establishment since the bar doesn't have a name and its customers are primarily vampires. The atmosphere is, of course, dark and classy. Food is not served here and most of the drinks are for the benefit of vampires (though non-vampires can drink blood) and as the such, the menu is split into four categories, Human (Wine Glass), Humanoid (Wine Glass), Rarities (shot), Non Blood.

Food/Drink Price in Ankh-morkporkian dollars Category
Nobby Blood 7.50$ Human (Wine Glass)
Warrior Blood 10$ Human (Wine Glass)
Priest Blood 12.50$ Human (Wine Glass)
Thief Blood 12.50$ Human (Wine Glass)
Wizard Blood 12.50$ Human (Wine Glass)
Witch Blood 15$ Human (Wine Glass)
Assassin Blood 18.75$ Human (Wine Glass)
Dwarf Blood A$12.50 Humanoid (Wine Glass)
Troll Blood A$12.50 Humanoid (Wine Glass)
Royal Blood A$100 Rarities (shot)
Coffee 1$ Non Blood
Milk 1$ Non Blood
Earl Black Tea 1.50$ Non Blood
Mineral Water 1.50$ Non Blood

There is also a tray full of free peppermints. An Igor in a side room receives blood donations.

SPOILERS: How to get to Dark Classy Bar

At the intersection of Abattoirs Lane and Long Hogmeat travel east. You will find yourself inside an abandoned slaughter house with crates. Look at the crates to discover a dark recess. Look in the dark recess to discover a lever which you pull. This will open a secret passage into Dark Classy Bar.

The Emerald Necklace coaching inn

The Emerald Necklace coaching inn is located on Upper Broadway, by the Hubwards gate. This establishment was once fairly popular but has been hit by hard times. It is quiet in here as there are not many customers. The atmosphere is fading eclectic glory and the food is bland. The menu is split into two sections, Main Courses, and Alcoholic Beverages.


Food/Drink Price in Ankh-morkporkian dollars Category
Chips 1.25$ Main Courses
Bangers and mash 2.50$ Main Courses
Vegetable stew 2.50$ Main Courses
Fish and chips 2.50$ Main Courses
Pint of cider 50p Alcoholic Beverages
Pint of Morporkian beer 50p Alcoholic Beverages
Pint of fine ale 75p Alcoholic Beverages
Glass of red wine 1.25$ Alcoholic Beverages
Glass of white wine 1.25$ Alcoholic Beverages

The Emporium Tea Shoppe

The Emporium Tea Shoppe is located in the Magic Emporium on the ground floor. The Tea Shoppe is a simple pleasant affair. It primarily serves shoppers who need a break from browsing wares. The atmosphere is simply convenient and the menu is split into four categories, Appetizers, Soft Drinks, Hot drinks, and Sundries.


Food/Drink Price in Ankh-morkporkian dollars Category
Sticky bun 10p Appetizers
Genuan croissant 25p Appetizers
Jam scone 25p Appetizers
Hublandish pastry 30p Appetizers
Fresh fruit tart 45p Appetizers
Slice of fruit cake 50p Appetizers
Chocolate eclair 70p Appetizers
Lemonade 8p Soft Drinks
Tea 10p Hot Drinks
Coffee 15p Hot Drinks
sugar cubes 10p Sundries

Fat Sally's is located on the Isle of Gods, on Squeezebelly Alley. This is a bustling coffee shop named after its owner's amply sized aunt, Fat Sally. The cafe, operated by Fat Sandra, is pleasant and inviting to everyone. The atmosphere is chaotically homely. Food is not served here and the menu is split into two categories, Alcoholic Beverages, and Hot Drinks.

Food/Drink Price in Ankh-morkporkian dollars Category
Lancre Coffee 1.50$ Alcoholic Beverages
Quirmian Espresso 50p Hot Drinks
Hot Chocolate 87p Hot Drinks
Acorn Coffee 1.50$ Hot Drinks
Earl Black Tea 1.50$ Hot Drinks
Cappuccino 1.50$ Hot Drinks
Iced Tea 1.50$ Hot Drinks
Klatchian Coffee 2$ Hot Drinks

The Felt Ham

Also known as the Moon on the Square. It is located on Morpork Street. This dusty establishment has several booths for privacy and a comfy chair that is guarded by a Warning Tick. There is also an extremely dirty bathroom on the second floor. The atmosphere is grimly barren and the Menu is split into three categories, Appetisers, Main Courses, Alcoholic Beverages, and Soft Drinks.

Food/Drink Price in Ankh-morkporkian dollars Category
Packet of crisps 20p Appetisers
Bag of boar scratchings 25p Appetisers
Meat pie 62p Appetisers
Missy Huggins Imported Meat Pie 10$ Main Courses
Morporkian Beer 10p Alcoholic Beverages
Ankh Water 50p Alcoholic Beverages
Bearhugger's whiskey 75p Alcoholic Beverages
Peach Corniche 1$ Alcoholic Beverages
Fine Ale 1.75$ Alcoholic Beverages
Brandy 2.25$ Alcoholic Beverages
Amanita Liquor 3.50$ Alcoholic Beverages
Ghlen Livid 4$ Alcoholic Beverages
Ancient Scumble 5$ Alcoholic Beverages
Ankhian Port 12.50$ Alcoholic Beverages
Back Burner 30$ Alcoholic Beverages
Soggy Mountain Dew 25p Soft Drinks
Glass of milk 50p Soft Drinks


Upstairs in the bathroom is a wall with graffiti and there is also a Vending Machine.

The Fishermen's Guild regional office

The Fishermen's Guild regional office is located in the underdocks, on the south side of the river and just west of Ankh Bridge. This pub was more of an afterthought than anything. The primary patrons of the establishment are fishermen after a hard day at work. The atmosphere is rudimentarily fishy and the menu is split into two categories, Main Courses, and Alcoholic Beverages.

Food/Drink Price in Ankh-morkporkian dollars Category
Fish and Chips 1.62$ Main Courses
Morporkian Beer 7p Alcoholic Beverages
Ale 75p Alcoholic Beverages
Ankh Whiskey 75p Alcoholic Beverages

The Flaming Cabbage

The Flaming Cabbage is located on Blood Alley, a bit west and southwest of the Drum. It is, as its namesake would suggest, rather smokey. The atmosphere is stilted snobbiness mixed with a drunken stupor. There are two separate dining experiences.

The Beer Bar

The more relaxed of the two areas. Here you will find people merrily drinking themselves into a stupor. The Menu has three categories, Appetizers, Main Courses and Alcoholic Beverages.

Food/Drink Price in Ankh-morkporkian dollars Category
Spicy sausage 99p Appertizers
Hot chicken sandwich 1.99$ Main Courses
Ham'n'cheese sandwich $1.99$ Main Courses
Salad 1.99$ Main Courses
Fish'n'chips 2.99$ Main Courses
Ribs 3.29$ Main Courses
Troll Beer 4.29$ Alcoholic Beverages
CMOTD's Finest Brew 4.29$ Alcoholic Beverages
Unnameable liquid 4.29$ Alcoholic Beverages
Ankh-Morrporke Ale 4.59$ Alcoholic Beverages
Schlorg Beer 4.59$ Alcoholic Beverages

The Wine Lounge

The snobby side of the Flaming Cabbage, the patrons here are far more concerned with impressing each other than having a good time. The Menu has two categories, Appetizers and Alcoholic Beverages.

Food/Drink Price in Ankh-morkporkian dollars Category
A pear 1.49$ Appetizers
Uberwaldian Elbling 99p Alcoholic Beverages
Ephebian Retsina 1.99$ Alcoholic Beverages
Lancrastian Gold 2.99$ Alcoholic Beverages
Quirm Red, this year's 3.24$ Alcoholic Beverages
Pseudopolitan Ersatz 3.49$ Alcoholic Beverages
Kythian Sherry Wine 3.99$ Alcoholic Beverages
Quirm Red, last year's 4.24$ Alcoholic Beverages
Riesling from Uberwald 4.49$ Alcoholic Beverages
Borogravian Sauternes 5.99$ Alcoholic Beverages

There's also a room north of the Wine Lounge full of hashish smoke, which you can enter if you have a Flaming Cabbage brooch.

The beer garden has an AM Daily newspaper box.

Georgio's pizza place

Georgio's pizza place is located on the east end of Artorollo Alley, in the northeastern part of the city near Least Gate. The atmosphere is an exquisite sense modern comfort coupled with a saucy aroma. The Menu has four categories, Appetisers, Pizzas, Desserts, Wine List and Soft Drinks.


Food/Drink Price in Ankh-morkporkian dollars Category
A pear 1.49$ Appetisers
A slice of quattro rodenti pizza 50p Pizzas
A slice of garlic pizza 62p Pizzas
A slice of four strata pizza 1$ Pizzas
A slice of magrata pizza 1$ Pizzas
A slice of mushroom pizza 1$ Pizzas
A slice of brown islands pizza 1$ Pizzas
A slice of klatchian hots pizza 1$ Pizzas
A piece of baked banana delight 52p Desserts
Uberwaldian Elbling 99p Wine List
Ephebian Retsina 1.99$ Wine List
Lancrastian Gold 2.99$ Wine List
Quirm Red, this year's 3.24$ Wine List
Pseudopolitan Ersatz 3.49$ Wine List
Kythian Sherry Wine 3.99$ Wine List
Quirm Red, last year's 4.24$ Wine List
Riesling from Uberwald 4.49$ Wine List
Borogravian Sauternes 5.99$ Wine List
A bottle of Copra-Cola 50p Soft Drinks

You can also order a specialty pizza for 10$. You can choose your own sauce, toppings, and cheese. The syntax is as follows "order special pizza with <type> sauce and <topping> covered in <type> cheese."

Note: You must manually pay for a specialty order pizza.

Example

> Order Special Pizza with cream sauce and Bandana monkey bread covered in girly cheese.
   Georgio bustles off into the kitchen.
   A loud clanging and banging accompanied by raised voices and raucous singing echo from the kitchen.
   Georgio struts back in carrying a masterpiece of a pizza covered in Bandana monkey bread, it's steaming hot.
   Georgio hands you a steaming hot pizza made to your exacting specifications.
> pay for pizza.
   You give some money to Georgio.
   Georgio thanks you.

Gimlet's Hole Food Delicatessen

Gimlet's Hole Food Delicatessen is located on Cable Street, near its intersection with Treacle Mine Road. A famous quick-bite establishment for drunks looking for cheap food. It used to cater to dwarves but the menu has since expanded. The atmosphere is rushed but open. There are two menus here but one is in dwarvish. The non-dwarvish menu is split into five categories, Appetizers, Main Courses, Desserts, Alcoholic Beverages and Hot Coffee.


Food/Drink Price in Ankh-morkporkian dollars Category
Cheese and chutney pebble 5p Appetisers
Ketchup 5p Appetisers
Rat onna stick 35p Appetisers
Dwarf bread 2.95$ Appetisers
Rat 4p Main Courses
Soy rat 5p Main Courses
Boiled egg 7p Main Courses
Rat and ketchup 7p Main Courses
Rat and beans 8p Main Courses
Cream cheese rat 9p Main Courses
Soss rat 'n' fried slice 10p Main Courses
Soss egg rat 'n' beans 13p Main Courses
Vole-au-vent 17p Main Courses
Cream of rat 32p Main Courses
Rat surprise 37p Main Courses
Rat pasty 50p Main Courses
Chicken tikka chalk 87p Main Courses
Quartz and granite kebab 1$ Main Courses
Ratatouille 1.50$ Main Courses
Deep fried sandstone 1.70$ Main Courses
Quattro rodenti pizza 2.25$ Main Courses
Sticky toffee rat onna stick 37p Desserts
Dwarf muffin 2.45$ Desserts
Dwarf ale 1$ Alcoholic Beverages
Acorn coffee 20p Hot Drinks

The Golden Dragon

The Golden Dragon is located on Merchants Street, just east of Dragon's Landing. It sells food, water, and Klatchian coffee.

The Groaning Platter Tavern

The Groaning Platter Tavern is located on Flood Walk, a little before Brass Bridge. It sells food and ale.

The Happy Cabbage

The Happy Cabbage is located at the junction of Lobbin Clout and Whilom Alley, somewhat northeast of Hubwards Gate. It sells various cabbage-themed food.

The Hatchet and Entrail

The Hatchet and Entrail is at the west end of Elm Street.

If you're under a certain guild level or ageresearch, you'll be thrown out as soon as you go in--probably a good thing, because the fighters here will sometimes attack you for no reason (other than they felt like it).

It sells a couple of mixed drinks: Blood Brew (which is safe to drink) and Rocks On The Rocks (which isn't). Other than that, it sells plain alcohol.

Havlik's Dwarf Bar

Havlik's Dwarf Bar is located on the northwest side of the Plaza of Broken Moons. It sells dwarven ale and spirits.

The Horse and Gate

The Horse and Gate is located on The Ridings, east of its junction with Kings Way.

They offer appetisers and main dishes as well as different beers.

The Iron Helmet

The Iron Helmet, a dwarf bar, is located on Welcome Soap a little ways west of the Drum.

It sells plain alcohol, various rat-based foods, and one mixed drink, the Copperhead Slammer.

The Kart Kill Kafe

The Kart Kill Kafe is located at the intersection of Dock Road and The Soake, just north of the river. It sells various meat dishes.

The King's Way Rathskeller

The King's Way Rathskeller is located near the middle of King's Way, which goes down the middle of the north half of the city. It's a converted former guard-tower, with the pub part upstairs.

It sells one mixed drink, Gin 'n Tonic, as well as plenty of plain alcohol, a few types of food, and milk.

The Klatchian take-away

The Klatchian take-away is located on Quirm Street, northeast of Five Ways. This is a busy klatchian joint for drunkards who came to the wrong place for a meal. The smell is as spicy as the food and the food is very spicy. The atmosphere is hot and heavy. The menu has all the usual Klatchian delights and is split into 2 categories, Main Courses, and Hot Drinks.

Food/Drink Price in Ankh-morkporkian dollars Category
A slice of Klatchian Flat 37p Main Courses
A helping of Klatchian rice 37p Main Courses
A helping of Klatchian Delight 50p Main Courses
A helping of Klatchian Surprise 50p Main Courses
An Al Khali duck 62p Main Courses
A helping of Klatchian Curry 62p Main Courses
A helping of Fair and Foul chicken 75p Main Courses
Klatchian tribal feast 1$ Main Courses
shot of Klatchian coffee 62p Hot Drinks

A large tent

A large tent is located on the docks, south of the river and a bit east of Cockbill Street. It sells plain alcohol and a few non-alcoholic drinks.

The Laughing Falafel, Klatchian Takeaway

The Laughing Falafel, Klatchian Takeaway is located at the end of Dimwell Street, where it meets The Soake. It sells food and non-alcoholic drinks, as well as Ephebian retsina.

The Little Seriph's

The Little Seriph's is located on Short Street, somewhat near the south end. It sells pizza, banana delight, and Copra Cola.

A loud pub

A loud pub is located on the docks, south of the river and just east of Cockbill Street. It sells plain alcohol, and fish and chips.

The Lounge House Cafe

The Lounge House Cafe is accessible through the Order rooms in Unseen University. It sells food and non-alcoholic drinks.

There is a Frog bulletin board and an AM Daily box here.

A branch of McSweeney's Restaurant (Ankh-Morpork)

A branch of McSweeney's Restaurant is located in the middle of God Street. It sells food and non-alcoholic drinks.

The Mended Drum

The Mended Drum is located a little south of the centre of the city, and is its busiest and most well-known feature. Players choosing to start in Ankh-Morpork will have the bar as their starting location.

It sells plain alcohol, a few types of food, and milk.

There is a Frog bulletin board and a dart board here. You can also climb on the wall outside.

The Mouldy Cellar

The Mouldy Cellar is located on Chrononhotonthologos Street, near its north end.

It sells one mixed drink, Gin 'n Tonic, and a few types of plain alcohol.

It has the Ankh-Morpork Newbie Helpers Room in the backroom.

Mrs. Dimmles' Open-All-Hours Cafe

Mrs. Dimmles' Open-All-Hours Cafe is located on Dimwell Street near the southeast end, a ways southeast of Traitors Gate. It sells food, tea, and coffee.

The Pain in the Neck

The Pain in the Neck is located at the northeastern end of the Maul. It sells plain alcohol and a few types of food.

The newbie chest for the Ankh-Morpork Palace Guard, in the form of a beer barrel, is here.

The Pavilion Tearoom

The Pavilion Tearoom is located on the third floor of Milords & Miladies near Least Gate. It sells full meals, each of which includes some alcohol, some food, and some tea.

A posh outdoor bar

A posh outdoor bar is hidden in Unseen University, accessible through the The Lounge House Cafe. It requires a skillcheck to get into it, and acquiring the various (free) alcohols that it stocks requires another skillcheck.

The Rat-Hole

The Rat-Hole, a dwarf bar, is located on Hopesprings, west of Least Gate.

You'll have a hard time actually buying anything here, as Hlakket the Bartender is nearly always dead, but it sells beer, dwarf ale, and rat onna stick.

The Royal Art Museum cafe

The Royal Art Museum cafe is located inside the Royal Art Museum and allows clientele to view gastronomically relevant paintings.

Food/Drink Price in Ankh-morkporkian dollars Category
Soup of Discontent $1.30 Main Courses
Gold of the Plains $1.50 Main Courses
Roll of Mediocrity $1.50 Main Courses
Nobody Likes Me $2 Main Courses
False Cheer $1.10 Desserts
Flesh and Blood $1.25 Desserts
Exquisite Coffin $1.50 Desserts
Liquid Sunshine $1 Soft Drinks
Cool But Not Frozen $1 Soft Drinks
Mmmm Frothy $1 Hot Drinks

The Skunk Club bar

The Skunk Club is located on Brewer Street on the Isle of Gods. It has a bar in the north end.

It sells troll drinks and several cocktails along with plain alcohol, although if you try to buy a troll drink the trollish barman will ask you if you're sure.

Food/Drink Price in Ankh-morkporkian dollars Category
beer $2 Human Drinks
cider $2 Human Drinks
whiskey $4 Human Drinks
scumble $4 Human Drinks
vodka $4 Human Drinks
troll beer $2 Troll Drinks
sulphur $4 Troll Drinks
mercury $5 Troll Drinks
Grand Passion $10 Cocktails
Silver Stallion $10 Cocktails
Applejack $10 Cocktails
Jaded Lady $10 Cocktails
Pink Lady Fizz $10 Cocktails
Fallen Angel $10 Cocktails

Somethynge-or-Other Licenced Caffe

The Somethynge-or-Other Licenced Caffe is located directly northeast of Onion Gate. It sells deserts, ale, wine, and non-alcoholic drinks.

The Stab in the Back

The Stab in the Back is located on the northwest corner of Pseudopolis Yard. It sells plain alcohol, two types of water, and apple juice.

Starbanks

Starbanks is located on the east edge of the Isle of Gods. It sells coffee and two alcoholic drinks: Orakh and Lancre coffee.

There is a napkin and chocolate sprinkle dispenser here, and you can ask Jack Bank about any of the menu items.

The Stoat & Onion

The Stoat & Onion is located on Memorial Street near its intersection with the Street of Alchemists.

It sells plain alcohol and three types of mixed drinks: Banana daiquiri, Stoat Special, and Tequila Stuntman.

Stuck's Bar

Stuck's Bar is located on Speedwell Street, west of its junction with King's Way. It sells several coffee drinks, and all the offerings besides the Morka Deklatch and Morka Double Deklatch will make you knurd.

A stylish meeting room

A stylish meeting room is located in the Temple of Small Gods, and is only accessible to ministers.

The butler, once summoned, can provide you with free port, brandy or cigars.

The Temporary Sign

The Temporary Sign is located slightly south from the Alchemists' Guild on the Street of Alchemists. It sells beer, whiskey, and pork scratchings.

The Thieves' Guild refectory

The Thieves' Guild refectory is located in the thieves-only area of the Thieves' Guild. It sells several types of food, a few types of alcohol, and several types of non-alcoholic drinks.

The Traveller's Inn

The Traveller's Inn is located on Dimwell Street, very close to Traitors Gate. It sells plain alcohol--mostly a large number of whiskeys--along with a few soft drinks and some snacks.

There is a chessboard, a dart board, newspaper boxes for both the AM Daily and The Green Slab, and a top ten table.

There's an achievement, Achievement: Whiskey Connoisseur, for buying one of every whiskey here.

The Troll's Head bar

The Troll's Head bar is located in the Shades, on Romeo Street. It requires a password (written on a wall nearby) to get in, and anyone under a certain guild level will be attacked upon entering. It sells "drink" (ale).

There is a dart board here, and Jak the weapons fence is in the alcove south of the bar.

The Wall View tavern

The Wall View tavern is located on Long Wall, northeast of Hide Park. It sells food and ale.

The Warriors' Guild cafe

The Warriors' Guild cafe is located in the old Warrior's Guild on Heroes Street. It sells non-alcoholic drinks, cakes, and buns.

This used to be a major idlechasing location, but is so no longer.

The Weapons Masters' Court's bar

The Weapons Masters' Court's bar is located in the entrance of the Weapon Masters' Court guild house on Vagabond Street. It sells a few types of plain alcohol.

You can hire mercenaries here.

Woonsocket's Delicatessen

Woonsocket's Delicatessen is located on Edgeway Road, southeast of Rimwards Gate. It sells sandwiches, made to order.

Wun Phul Mouth's Hunghungese Restaurant

Wun Phul Mouth's Hunghungese Restaurant is located in Little Agatea, just off of Whopping Street. It sells various Hunghungese meals.