Hotel de Bricobracomanie

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The Hotel de Bricobracomanie is the shop of Chevalier de Ste. Marie-Scharrone, moved from Quirm to the northern reaches of Hill Street in Sto Lat.

The Chevalier de Ste. Marie-Scharrone

A rail-thin gentleman of uncertain age, with a moustache that appears as though some villainous cad had thrust the good Chevalier's face into a wrought-iron fence and left it there, this is the proprietor of L'Hotel de Bricobracomanie.  Formerly a prosperous and antiquated concern in his native Quirm, the entire enterprise had to pack up and move - locks, stock, and obscenely expensive barrels alike - to Sto Lat.
He is in good shape.
He is pacing about.
Wearing : a pair of black dress shoes, a pair of grey socks, a pair of angular black trousers and an angular black jacket.
His purse is tinkling with coins.

Latest fortuitous finds

This list attempts to document what is being sold in this peculiar shop.

Statuettes

The Borogravian china cobbler is priced at A$140 and looks like:
Made from delicate polychrome china, this sturdy unpretentious artisan sits bent over his workbench, making shoes all the livelong day.  From the silver buckles on his shoes to the white curls on the crown of his head, every detail is adorable.
The Borogravian china cobbler is about six inches long and about three inches wide.  It is made of ceramic.
The Borogravian china sheep is priced at A$140 and looks like:
A magnificently adorable mound of white fluff grazes contentedly on a patch of bright green grass, its mind - or what in the case of a lowland sheep passes as a mind - pure and untroubled as though a beneficient shepherd and a devoted sheepdog watched over it forever.
The Borogravian china sheep is roughly a couple of inches long and about four inches wide.  It is made of ceramic.
The Borogravian china sheepdog is priced at A$140 and looks like:
A Borogravian sculptor's fanciful image of a Sto Plains sheepdog, all fine white curls and huge brown eyes, sits looking up soulfully as though eternally hoping for a biscuit and a pat.  A real gold bell hangs from the sculpted blue ribbon around his neck, though the tiny clapper (tinkler?) has been lost to the ravages of time.  Or possibly removed by an exasperated previous owner.
The Borogravian china sheepdog is about six inches long and about four inches wide.  It is made of ceramic.
The Borogravian china shepherdess is priced at A$140 and looks like:
Made from pretty and delicate polychrome china, this winsome country lass stands nine inches tall from the tip of her silk-slippered toes to the top of her silk-ribboned crook.  Blonde ringlets spill over the shoulders of her pretty pink silk sheep-herding gown, and blue eyes gaze with a vacant smile into the middle distance, no doubt vigilantly watching over an unseen flock.
The Borogravian china shepherdess is about nine inches long and roughly a couple of inches wide.  It is made of ceramic.
The Borogravian china tailor is priced at A$140 and looks like:
Made from vibrant polychrome china, this statuette shows a young man sitting tailor-fashion.  One hand thrusts a needle through the pile of colourful fabric draped across his lap, and the other holds a cheerful red book that he gazes at intently through half-moon spectacles.  On his shoulder, a white mouse sits washing her face with her paws.
The Borogravian china tailor is about six inches long and about three inches wide.  It is made of ceramic.
The Borogravian china castle is priced at A$140 and looks like:
This miniature castle has been moulded in warm grey china, with the doors and window-frames picked out in gold leaf.  The cluster of slim turrets that crowns the principal donjon are topped with soaring spires in cheerful red tile, and there's even a tiny princess in one of them, dangling her gold-leaf hair out of the window in perpetual hope of rescue.  It looks like it would be a wonderfully comfortable and whimsical place for a king to live - it's a pity it's only nine inches tall, really.
The Borogravian china castle is about nine inches long and about three inches wide.  It is made of ceramic.

Jewellery

The antique silver-gilt medallion is priced at A$150 and looks like:
Inspired by the ancient and ornate calligraphic tradition of Eritor, a Quirmian master jeweller took immense pains over this medallion.  A wreath of acanthus leaves surrounds a panel of fluid, looping tracery, spelling out an faithfully copied ancient blessing in the beautiful Klatchian language.
It appears to have something written on it.
It is in excellent condition.
It is made of silver and appears to be a piece of jewellery.  It is in excellent condition.
The Bandit Lord's medal is priced at A$300 and looks like:
Struck from fine bronze and carefully patinated to a deep blue-green, this medal is apparently intended to evoke the wild forests near Mad Reginald the Bandit Lord's erstwhile seat at Lostwithiel.  These were awarded for exceptional service to banditry and looting, but with the demise of the Bandit Lord's short-lived and exceptionally grandiose plan to crown himself Bandit King Of All The Area Between The Istanzia River And The Morpork Mountains - and not coincidentally, the demise of the Bandit Lord himself - no more were struck, and they have become very collectible.
It is in excellent condition.
It is made of bronze and appears to be a piece of jewellery.  It is in excellent condition.
The garland of dried roses is priced at A$240 and looks like:
Early in the Century of the Three Lice, Quirmian society was seized by a fever of Islebrunomania.  The fashions of the Brown Islands (as reimagined through slightly daring Quirmian eyes) became the fashions of high society, and both respectable matrons and daring debutantes were seen in public wearing dresses of dried grass and wildflowers, sometimes over only three or even two layers of foundation garments.  This garland is a rare survival from that period, and would have been worn at a society wedding; the fashion was for the bride's family to gather roses and weave them through a silver chain into a garland.  It has clearly been well loved, and put up safely in silk and tissue paper.  Though the once vibrant reds have faded to soft pinks and warm greys, its rich scents have only warmed and mellowed with time.
It is in excellent condition.
It is made of dried roses and silver and appears to be a piece of jewellery.  It is in excellent condition.
The porcelain cameo pendant is priced at A$80 and looks like:
This ornately frilled and gilded miniature portrait hangs from a genteelly faded oyster silk ribbon.  The elegantly crackled porcelain itself is rather domed, leading one to the irresistible supposition that it may once have formed the side of a commemorative teapot.  The devastatingly adorned and curled profile of the Duchesse de Chagrin - showing the celebrated shy chin and noble nose of the House of Rouilletemps - stares off into the middle distance, or possibly the wearer's cleavage depending on positioning.
It is in excellent condition.
It is made of ceramic and appears to be a piece of jewellery.  It is in excellent condition.

Clothes

The soft pink vintage sari is priced at A$500 and looks like:
A common style amongst Bharatri families in Klatch, a proper sari is a long length of unhemmed cloth, draped and pleated to form a garment.  Each region, and often each family, has its own particular style of drapery.  This particular sari is draped in the 'Quirmian' style, which is to say that it's been stitched into place so that an unskilled wearer can wriggle their way in.  The soft pink fabric is a genuine Klatchian design, though, with hand painted decoration along the selvedges and a matching bodice.
It is in excellent condition.
The soft pink vintage sari is about five feet long and about two feet wide.  It is soft pink and is made of silk and looks like you could wear it.  It is in excellent condition.

The sari comes in different colours and different styling along the selvedges.

Colours seen so far: ivory, soft pink, sky blue, saffron, mustard, green-gold, verdant green, bright pink, ruby red, indigo, golden brown, dark amber, cerise, dark green, sand-coloured, deep brown, silvery blue, scarlet, bright yellow
Variations seen so far: heavy gold thread, elaborate embroidery, hand painted decoration, small embroidered gold dots


The vintage top hat is priced at A$250 and looks like:
Tall and slim and somehow angular despite being composed entirely of arcs and circles, this black silk top hat is very much of the style worn by 'young bloods' in the Reve Adroit era of Quirm's history.  These gentlemen of impeccable family used to congregate in order to drink absinthe and pen satirical gazette pamphlets, which for some reason unknown to Gods or men often prominently featured lobsters.
The vintage top hat has one inside pocket.
It is in excellent condition.
The vintage top hat is about six inches long and about six inches wide.  It is black and is made of silk and looks like you could wear it.  It can hold about 1 pound, or thirteen items.  It is in excellent condition.
The vintage mourning dress is priced at A$500 and looks like:
This Quirmian mourning dress achieves both severe restraint and lavish ornamentation in its design, with its monochromatic black crepe fabric covered in ruffles, ribbon bows, and faceted jet beadwork.  The tiered skirt is only moderately full, with a severely minimal train, and the high collar fastens with a vitrine brooch containing a single coiled lock of blonde hair.  From a few carefully and nearly invisibly mended tears, and the slightly darker shade of the crepe at the hem where it has clearly been let down for a taller wearer, this dress has seen a great many funerals.
It is in excellent condition.
The vintage mourning dress is about five feet long and about a foot wide.  It is fuliginous black and is made of silk and looks like you could wear it.  It is in excellent condition.
The immense black hat with a mourning veil is priced at A$450 and looks like:
In the finest traditions of Quirmian headgear, this hat is tall and broad and imposing, and utterly dignified in its somber restraint.  The turned-down brim is edged with three rows of black braid, and the cluster of feathers adorning the crown are as black as the fabric itself, whilst the brooch holding them on is niello silver and faceted jet.  A full veil hangs from the brim, veiling the wearer's face in shadow and mystery, so that nobody can see the grieving widow's tears.  Or the mistress's identity at the funeral.
The immense black hat with a mourning veil has one inside pocket.
It is in excellent condition.
The immense black hat with a mourning veil is about six inches long and about six inches wide.  It is black and is made of wool and looks like you could wear it.  It can hold less than one pound, or five items.  It is in excellent condition.

Furniture

The antique walnut grandfather clock is priced at A$1225 and looks like:
Tall and slim, with fretted spires and pillars, this clock may in fact be a cunningly disguised Ordporian cathedral complete with carved gargoyles in the shape of humorously posed poodles.  The age-cracked porcelain dial is marked with Latatian numerals in gold, and painted with a riot of bluebirds and peonies, whilst the hands themselves are barbed and fretted like an entire cavalry regiment of porpentines.  Through the tall window, a shining brass pendulum swings ceaselessly.  Some of the pillars are clearly more recent replacements for the originals, but they are well matched and do not detract from the antiquity of the piece.
The hands show that the time is ten o'clock.
The antique walnut grandfather clock is about six and a half feet long and about a foot and a half wide.  It is made of wood and could be placed as furniture.
The antique plough harness is priced at A$300 and looks like:
This tangle of old, cracked black leather and slightly tarnished brightwork was, once, the pride and joy of a ploughman's life, both adorning his faithful team and enabling them to pull a cart, or a plough, or - er, whatever other delightfully rustic machinery one wishes, one supposes.  A dozen horse brasses hang from various straps, showing past agricultural triumphs, or perhaps good marks at whatever school plough-horses are forced to attend.
The antique plough harness is about three feet long and about six feet wide.  It is made of leather and could be placed as furniture.
The set of cloisonne flying ducks is priced at A$300 and looks like:
The House of Rouilletemps are traditionally devotees of Ordpor the Tasteless, and this set of flying ducks is said to have hung on the wall in the privy chamber of the 5th Duc de Chagrin.  They are done in beautiful cloisonne work, enamelled in a dozen shades of orange and green within cells of golden filigree.
The set of cloisonne flying ducks is about three feet long and about two feet wide.  It is made of enamel and could be placed as furniture.

Storage furniture

The worm-eaten Llamedese blanket chest is priced at A$700 and looks like:
Old and dark and still sturdy despite the woodworm holes riddling all its surfaces, this Llamedese oak blanket chest has been carefully carved with a severely restrained band of knotwork to satisfy both the traditional Llamedese love of intricate ornament and the repressively traditional Llamedese horror of anything not severely functional.  It's large enough for an entire winter's supply of blankets, or to put it another way, large enough to conceal a Reformed Circle druid when a Strict Monastic Circle druid visits unexpectedly.  Or, indeed, vice versa.
It is in excellent condition.
It is open.
The worm-eaten Llamedese blanket chest is about five feet long and about two and a half feet wide.  It is made of wood and could be placed as furniture.  It can hold about 133 pounds, or about one hundred and twenty items.  It is in excellent condition.
The silver and garnet jewel coffer is priced at A$1200 and looks like:
Clearly the work of Quirmian master-craftsman Guillaume de la Morbidity, this solid silver coffer has been chased with looping, swirling designs after the Klatchian style and inlaid in red gold.  A pattern of garnets on the arched lid depicts the constellation of Silur the Catfish, and more garnets serve as toenails on the four desert lion's feet that support the base.
It appears to have something written on it.
It is in excellent condition.
It is open.
The silver and garnet jewel coffer is about a foot long and about nine inches wide.  It is made of silver and could be placed as furniture.  It can hold about 17 pounds, or about thirty items.  It is in excellent condition.
Single item display
The antique mahogany music stand is priced at A$500 and looks like:
Ornately fretted and inlaid with curlicues of ivory, this music stand carries a delightfully authentic pattern of scorching along one side.  This marks it as one of the music stands involved in the Duke of Pseudopolis's musicians' infamous musical protest against unpaid overtime, the "Go Home You Bastard Concerto", which culminated in each musician setting fire to their music stand and leaving the stage in silence before the soloist ceremoniously presented the Duke with their list of demands.  Which was also on fire.
It is in excellent condition.
There is nothing on the antique mahogany music stand.
The antique mahogany music stand is about six inches long and about six inches wide.  It is made of some unidentifiable material and could be placed as furniture.  It can hold about 1 pound, or one item.  It is in excellent condition.
The antique gilded bookstand is priced at A$875 and looks like:
Laboriously crafted for the 3rd Duc de Chagrin by master-craftsman Rinaldo of Tramplona, this veritable Temple of Literature will cradle any tome in its uplifted gilt-floral wings.  It stands proudly upon a tripod of curled and fretted acanthus boughs, rising in a veritable frenzy of ornament upon ornament to the golden wings of some gigantic celestial oriel.
It is in excellent condition.
There is nothing on the antique gilded bookstand.
The antique gilded bookstand is about three feet long and about a foot wide.  It is made of wood and could be placed as furniture.  It can hold about 6 pounds, or one item.  It is in excellent condition.
The antique Fishite reliquary is priced at A$1200 and looks like:
This reliquary takes the form of a realistic anglerfish, jaws open in pursuit of some tasty treat and deathly lure poised ahead.  It has been carved in a rough but vibrantly energetic style from a single block of swirled green malachite, and the lure is a hollow cage in which the relic is to be placed.  It's really very cleverly done - you can see every squamous and terrifying detail of the fish's teeth.
It is in excellent condition.
There is nothing on the antique Fishite reliquary.
The antique Fishite reliquary is about a foot and a half long and about a foot wide.  It is made of malachite and could be placed as furniture.  It can hold about 2 pounds, or one item.  It is in excellent condition.
The antique Gappic reliquary is priced at A$1200 and looks like:
This miniature chest of drawers has been carved from a maple burl, showcasing the intricate whorls of the grain.  A single drawer sits open, showing a niche for the relic amongst a nest of miniature silk cravats.  It's really very cleverly done - you can even see the tiny polka-dots and paisleys on the green and goldenrod cravats.
It is in excellent condition.
There is nothing on the antique Gappic reliquary.
The antique Gappic reliquary is about a foot and a half long and about a foot wide.  It is made of wood and could be placed as furniture.  It can hold about 2 pounds, or one item.  It is in excellent condition.
The antique Gufnorkian reliquary is priced at A$1200 and looks like:
A sculpted bird's nest, each twig carved from brown marble, enfolds a bed of thistledown and rabbit fur upon which a holy relic might be cradled as gently as any mother bird her exceedingly fluffy chick.  It's really very cleverly done - you can even see fragments of carved eggshell buried in the fluff.
It is in excellent condition.
There is nothing on the antique Gufnorkian reliquary.
The antique Gufnorkian reliquary is about a foot and a half long and about a foot wide.  It is made of marble and could be placed as furniture.  It can hold about 2 pounds, or one item.  It is in excellent condition.
The antique Hattian reliquary is priced at A$1200 and looks like:
Carved from a single piece of velvety brown agate, this reliquary takes the form of an uncomfortable-looking sofa.  The cushions slope gently down, indicating that the relic is to be placed not upon the sofa but in a cleverly designed niche behind it.  It's really very cleverly done - you can even see the scratch marks left by some holy or unholy cat on the arms.
It is in excellent condition.
There is nothing on the antique Hattian reliquary.
The antique Hattian reliquary is about a foot and a half long and about a foot wide.  It is made of agate and could be placed as furniture.  It can hold about 2 pounds, or one item.  It is in excellent condition.
The antique Pishite reliquary is priced at A$1200 and looks like:
A gleaming white marble dais supports a silver and lapis lazuli cradle, above which silver pillars hold a painted cloud.  Almost invisible threads hold tiny crystals above the cradle, as though perpetually falling gently upon the relic beneath.  It's really very cleverly done - you can even see the shimmers and swirls within the cloud.
It is in excellent condition.
There is nothing on the antique Pishite reliquary.
The antique Pishite reliquary is about a foot and a half long and about a foot wide.  It is made of marble and could be placed as furniture.  It can hold about 2 pounds, or one item.  It is in excellent condition.
The antique Sandelfonian reliquary is priced at A$1200 and looks like:
In a miniature section of corridor, magnificently detailed in tiny bricks and tiny slates, sits a miniature steel filing cabinet. The bottom drawer, and only the bottom drawer, is open and a hanging file sits ready to receive a holy relic.  It's really very cleverly done - you can even see the tiny letter 'R' on the hanging file, showing that the relic will be filed correctly.
It is in excellent condition.
There is nothing on the antique Sandelfonian reliquary.
The antique Sandelfonian reliquary is about a foot and a half long and about a foot wide.  It is made of stone and could be placed as furniture.  It can hold about 2 pounds, or one item.  It is in excellent condition.
The antique Sekkite reliquary is priced at A$1200 and looks like:
Carved from a single piece of black marble, this reliquary takes the form of a blocky altar upon which the relic is to be laid, with a robed and cowled priest looming menacingly over it with sacrificial dagger upraised.  An arch of leaping flames rises above them all.  It's really very cleverly done - you can even see the tiny runnels on the altar for the blood to run down.
It is in excellent condition.
There is nothing on the antique Sekkite reliquary.
The antique Sekkite reliquary is about a foot and a half long and about a foot wide.  It is made of marble and could be placed as furniture.  It can hold about 2 pounds, or one item.  It is in excellent condition.

Musical instrument

The antique harpsichord is priced at A$1200 and looks like:
This delightful double-manual harpsichord is apparently made entirely from a froth of gilding, supported on eight bowed lion-clawed legs (although one of them appears to be a Century of the Three Lice replacement for the original) and the inside of the lid has been ornately painted with a florid depiction of the Third Battle of Clatherill Pass, where Lord Stephen Venturi famously lost seven hundred men in a gallant but doomed charge against the Klatchians.  They later turned up alive and well on a distant farm, due apparently to muddled instructions, but of the two hundred men who did successfully charge with Lord Venturi, only seven returned alive.  'Twas a famous victory, but not for Ankh-Morpork.
It appears to have something written on it.
The antique harpsichord is about five feet long and about four feet wide.  It is made of wood and could be placed as furniture.

Vessel

The polychrome cabbage teapot is priced at A$125 and looks like:
Astonishingly lifelike with its clever moulding and cheerful shades of brassican green, it's entirely possible a Sto Plains housewife would try to slice this up for an Octeday roast.  One ruffled leaf forms a spout, and another the handle, whilst a jauntily perched ladybird serves as a knob for the lid.
It is in excellent condition.
It is open.
The polychrome cabbage teapot is about nine inches long and about nine inches wide.  It is made of ceramic and looks like you could hold it.  It can hold about 2 pounds, about forty items, or about 1 quart.  It is in excellent condition.

Shield

The antique knight's shield is priced at A$200 and looks like:
Solid and sturdy, with a time-worn wood and leather grip at the rear, this shield has been enamelled in daffodil yellow and bears the image of a crescent moon upon its face.  Occasional nicks and careful repairs testify to its long service on the field of battle.
It is in excellent condition.
The antique knight's shield is about three feet long and about two feet wide.  It is made of steel and looks like it could be held as a shield.  It is in excellent condition.

Weapons

The antique cabbage walking stick is priced at A$320 and looks like:
Lightweight but sturdy, this stick has a gilded handle and a brass ferrule.  The only unusual aspect of its construction is that it has been made from the carefully dried and seasoned stem of a variety of tree cabbage.  These sticks are rarely made any more, since the particular variety of cabbage used has been rendered almost extinct after it attempted to take over the island farm where it was grown and institute a syndicalist collective.
It is in excellent condition.
The antique cabbage walking stick is about three feet long and about an inch wide.  It is made of wood and could be used as a weapon of type mace.  It is in excellent condition.

See also