View source for Witch Trials, 2015-11-07

This edition of the [[Witch Trials]] was held in the field with [[Unlucky Charlie]] the scarecrow in [[Lancre]].

It is being organized by Mattias.
Witches wishing to participate should contact Mattias, pommes or Quotid.

==Initial call==

<pre>
Bulletin Boards: Witchesguild
Witch Trials 2015!
Note #7 by Mattias at Sun Sep 20 12:56:24 2015 [EST] on board witchesguild

Lawks! It's happening!!

Witches, roll up your sleeves and get those hag stones ready because the Witch Trials are a go!

Time:
07 November 2015 @ 15:00 UTC
http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/fixedtime.html?msg=Witch+Trials+2015&iso=20151107T15&p1=%3A

Location:
Unlucky Charlie, Lancre

Events:
1. Freestyle Trick 1-3 stages
2. Freestyle Trick 4+ stages
3. Themed Trick
- theme: apples (in any form)
4. Mocking competition
5. Fruit bat competition
- Dress up your fruit bat in the latest witchy fashions. The best dressed fruit bat wins!

Witches are only allowed to enter into one of the freestyle categories, but are encouraged to enter in as many of the other categories as they like.

I'm also looking for prize donations!

If you have any questions about the trials, or would like to donate, mail me or send me a tell if you see me online. Questions about making the tricks themselves are probably better directed to fellow witches, but I’ll try my best.

I’ll post more updates as they come.
~Matt
</pre>

<pre>
Bulletin Boards: Witchesguild
Re:#1 Witch Trials 2015!
Note #10 by Mattias at Thu Oct 1 06:31:18 2015 [EST] on board witchesguild

There's still well over a month before the Trials, so you have plenty of time to plan out those tricks!

Once again, the events are:
1. Freestyle Trick 1-3 stages
2. Freestyle Trick 4+ stages
3. Themed Trick
- theme: apples (in any form)
4. Mocking competition
5. Fruit bat competition

Please remember that you can only enter into one of the freestyle categories. If you're thinking of participating, please let Mattias, Quotid, or Pommes know the following:

1. Which categories you are entering.
2. The name of your trick(s).
3. The name of your fruit bat.

As always, just ask any one of the organizers if you have any questions about the Trials.

We are also /still/ looking for prize donations. These can be anything from cash, items or services. If you'd like to donate, please let one of us know as well!

~Matt
</pre>

<p>[[#toc|^ Back to top]]</p>

==Prizes==

<pre>
Bulletin Boards: Witchesguild
Re:#2 Witch Trials 2015!
Note #6 by Mattias at Mon Oct 26 21:04:49 2015 [EST] on board witchesguild

Usual reminders:
where: Unlucky Charlie, Lancre
when: 07 Nov, 15:00 UTC

Just a reminder to witches to let me, Quotid, or pommes know if you're participating in the Trials. So far, we've only got two names on our list.

Even if you don't have your tricks completed[1], click mail reply below and let me know that you're participating so we can get a rough idea of numbers for the day.

So far we have around $32,000 in prizes donated by the AM Council, the Green Slab, the AM Daily, Quow, Balrog, Dialapishe, Pterrific, and an anonymous donor (who gave me 50 royals! for the event). Other prize items are 10 handfuls of pmp from Pterrific, an iron broomstick from the Shelox Hunters club and a few more items once I can get a hold of them. Giant fluffs to everyone who donated!

I will also need volunteers:
1. People to provide transportation to and from Lancre
2. Wizards with WMS to keep the fruitbats fed.
3. An iconographer for the event. Bring extra papers and paintboxes!

If you're available on that day and would like to volunteer, click mail reply as well and let me know!

[1] You have two weeks so don't panic yet! But for the sake of my sanity and yours, please don't leave it to the last minute ;)
</pre>

<pre>
Bulletin Boards: Witchesguild
Re:#3 Witch Trials 2015!
Note #7 by Mattias at Fri Oct 30 21:16:09 2015 [EST] on board witchesguild

On Mon Oct 26 21:04:49 2015 [local time zone], Mattias wrote:
> a few more items once I can get a hold of them.

The other items are:
A small compact, a bronze helm, a silver eyebrow barbell permalight, and a gold necklace permalight all from Ero.

Thanks Ero!!!

Edit: typo
(Mattias edited this message at Sat Oct 31 01:16:09 2015.) 
</pre>

<p>[[#toc|^ Back to top]]</p>

==Reminders==

<pre>
Bulletin Boards: Witchesguild
Re:#4 Witch Trials 2015!
Note #8 by Mattias at Wed Nov 4 10:36:00 2015 [EST] on board witchesguild

This is it. The Witch Trials are only a few days away.

If you're participating and haven't signed up yet, do so right away. We have five categories and lots and lots of prizes so sign up for as many as you can. Only one person has signed up for the Freestyle 1-3 stages category so far!

Speaking of prizes, biggest fluffs go to Straightwire for adding a lamp, dex gloves, iron gauntlets, a bronze helm, and a flat cap to the prize pool.

For the event, I am still in need of:
1. Wizards with WMS who can keep the fruit bats fed.
2. An iconographer. I really, really do need one.
Please contact me if you're available. I'll pay!

Options output itemchatter is amazing by the way :D
But please still remember to leave other spammy items like pets (fruit bats excepted - definitely bring those along) at home on Saturday.

-------------------------------

Usual Reminders:
when: 07 November, 15:00 UTC
where: Unlucky Charlie, Lancre

For any questions or to sign up, contact:
Mattias, Quotid, or pommes
</pre>

<pre>
Bulletin Boards: Witchesguild
Re:#5 Witch Trials 2015!
Note #8 by Quotid at Thu Nov 5 16:32:06 2015 [EST] on board witchesguild

On Wed Nov 4 16:36:00 2015 [SAST], Mattias wrote:
> This is it. The Witch Trials are only a few days away.
> when: 07 November, 15:00 UTC
> where: Unlucky Charlie, Lancre
>
> For any questions or to sign up, contact:
> Mattias, Quotid, or pommes

If there are any witches who would like to participate, but are unable to attend, please send 3 copies of each trick, with the name of the trick and the category entered to Quotid via the parcel counter at the Ankh-Morpork post office. We will arrange to have someone cast it on your behalf. If it has any components (consumed or otherwise), please send them too!

Fluffs to Kebbles for reminding me about this!
</pre>

<p>[[#toc|^ Back to top]]</p>

==Results==

<pre>
Bulletin Boards: Witchesguild
The Witch Trials Results
Note #9 by Mattias at Sun Nov 8 14:27:06 2015 [EST] on board witchesguild

I don't know about anyone else, but that event left all the organizers exhausted!
That was quite a marathon and thank you for everyone who came for the whole thing.
I think everyone could tell I was losing my head towards the end there with all the mix ups, and I really do apologize for those!

But here they are finally, the winners:

Freestyle 1-3 Stages:
Winner: Granny Weatherwax!
1st runner up: Synonym (as the only participant she gets $3200 plus a bronze helm)

Freestyle 4+ Stages
Winner: Granny Weatherwax!
1st runner up: Aggratha AND Janeka.
Here's one mix-up, unfortunately. I had announced Janeka first, and Aggratha second, but Aggratha won with 50 points and Janeka with 46[1]. And so to make up for it, I'm putting both of them in first place, and both receive $3200 as well as a bronze helm each!
2rd runner up: Jaceth, who gets $2600

Themed Tricks:
Winner: Granny Weatherwax!
1st runner up: Janeka who gets $3200 and a flat cap.
2nd runner up: Mothergoose, who gets $2600
3rd runner up: Spip, who gets $1400

Mocking competition:
Winner: Granny Weatherwax!
1st runner up: Spip who gets $3200 and a permalight
2nd runner up: Synonym who gets $2600
3rd runner up: Mothergoose who gets $1400

Fruitbat Contest:
Winner: Granny Weatherwax’s fruit bat?
There was also some discussion about whether the prize went to You the Cat instead. Unfortunately, Granny declined to comment.
1st runner up: Janeka (Melons) who gets once again, $3200 and a compact.
2nd runner up: Sorae (Ayris), who gets $2600
3rd runner up: Mothergoose (Sukey) who gets $1400
Aggratha was also a contestant for this category, but unfortunately had to leave partway through before we could judge Brewswain, her bat :(

The People’s choice award:
1st: Janeka who gets $2700
2nd: Jaceth and Synonym tied for second place, and they each get $2200

And finally, we ranked all the participating witches with the highest scores.
They got to choose between all our remaining prize items, with the highest score picking first.
The items up for grabs were:
An iron broomstick, a lamp, str gauntlets, two dex gloves, a permalight, and 10 handfuls of pmp

I’ll announce the top three witches here and what they picked:
1: Janeka, who to the surprise of all chose the str gauntlets
2: Mothergoose, who chose the iron broomstick
3: Spip, who chose the lamp

In no particular order, the rest of the witches took
Sorae: pmp
Synonym: permalight
Jaceth: dex gloves
Aggratha: dex gloves

The final prize pool was:
$47,900 and the remaining prize money was divided out between all the witches.

[1] You can talk to Quotid or me if you're interested in the scoring method we used.

Edit: Typos, corrected amounts
(Mattias edited this message at Sun Nov 8 18:27:06 2015.) 
</pre>

<p>[[#toc|^ Back to top]]</p>

==Fluffs==

<pre>
Bulletin Boards: Fluff
The Witch Trials
Note #7 by Mattias at Sat Nov 7 14:59:08 2015 [EST] on board fluff

Big, big, and I mean BIIIIIGGGGG fluffs to everyone who came to see the Witch Trials.

First off, thank you so so sooo much to pommes and Quotid, who both did so much work. Without them I don’t think this event could have been as awesome as it was!

And then thank you to the witches who participated. You were the ones who made this happen!
Fluffs to: Aggratha, Jaceth, Janeka, Mothergoose, Sorae, Spip, and Synonym!!!

Next fluffs go to the judges: pommes (again), and Verdancy, Camelion, Gwydion, Sapphyr, and Sneeky!

Next bits of fluff (I haven’t run out yet) go to Egwene, Straightwire, and Lateralus[1] for the photos and for Valerin and Quow for feeding the fruitbats. I would really like to thank Quow for doing much more than he had to as well. Thank you Quow for today, and for the weeks leading up to today!

And finally, to our sponsors. You gave so many items and threw so many royals at us we were starting to lose track ;) Fear not! Our accounting imps have checked every last receipt and we can now thank you all with the appreciation you deserve:

JinX
Juppie
Betta
Ravens Retreat in Lancre (Rakah and Ero)
Straightwire
Dialapishe
Pterrific
Quow
Balrog
The Green Slab
The AM Daily
The AM Council
The Shelox Hunters Club

I’ll make a follow up post with a summary of the event later with who got what, once the last set of prizes have seen selected by the witches who couldn’t attend the awards ceremony.

[1] Thank you anyways ;)
</pre>

<pre>
Bulletin Boards: Fluff
Re:#1 The Witch Trials
Note #8 by Quotid at Sat Nov 7 15:03:21 2015 [EST] on board fluff

On Sat Nov 7 20:59:08 2015 [SAST], Mattias wrote:
> Fluffs to awesome people

And Fluffs to you, Mattias.
Thank you for your time, effort and willingness to try and herd cats!

I enjoyed myself immensely.

Quotid
</pre>

<pre>
Bulletin Boards: Fluff
Re:#2 The Witch Trials
Note #9 by Kake at Sat Nov 7 15:48:33 2015 [EST] on board fluff

On Sat Nov 7 19:03:21 2015, Quotid wrote:
> On Sat Nov 7 20:59:08 2015 [SAST], Mattias wrote:
> > Fluffs to awesome people
>
> And Fluffs to you, Mattias.
> Thank you for your time, effort and willingness to try and herd cats!

What Quotid said! It was great. Thank you everyone.

Kake
</pre>

<pre>
Bulletin Boards: Fluff
Re:#1 The Witch Trials
Note #11 by Sapphyr at Sun Nov 8 02:19:15 2015 [EST] on board fluff

Many fluffs to you, pommes and Quotid for putting on such an excellent event. I had a wonderful time, it was so much fun. Thank you for the opportunity to participate as a judge and experience my first ever trials. Mattias, you were great as the MC. A tip of my hat to you, good sir. :D Big ups to pommes and Quotid for so much behind-the-scenes work, it's very much appreciated.

Props to all the contestants who put so much time and effort into preparing their entries and tricks, they were all very entertaining.

Congrats to Janeka on a very well-deserved win. :)
</pre>

<pre>
Bulletin Boards: Fluff
Re:#1 The Witch Trials
Note #15 by Jaceth at Sun Nov 8 15:35:04 2015 [EST] on board fluff

Fluffs to everyone involved in the Witch Trials -- it was
tremendous fun! The organization was splendid. Sponsors, judges,
iconographers, feeders of fruitbats, ... everything was thought of.

I especially enjoyed the judges' learned commentary. It was as
inventive and entertaining as the tricks and mocks themselves.

Thank you, everyone!
Jaceth
</pre>

<p>[[#toc|^ Back to top]]</p>

==Book on this Trial by Ancient Mattias Brogher==

 You read the cover of the blue leather-bound book:
 Written in black ink in Morporkian:
 The Witch Trials
 07 November 2015
 Written in sepia ink in Morporkian:
 Dear Janeka,
 
 Thank you for putting yourself in the spotlight.  It took a lot of courage to do, and a lot of effort to make those tricks.
 
 This book is dedicated to you, and all the other witches who participated.
 
 Written in cursive sepia ink is the authentic and attested signature of Mattias Brogher in Morporkian:
 Ancient Mattias Brogher

 You turn the blue leather-bound book to page 1.
 You read page one of the blue leather-bound book:
 Written in Morporkian:
 
 
 Printed 7:07pm, Monday 5th August Secundus, UC 2035 by Goatbergers printing shop, Ankh Morpork
 
 Copyright mattias

 You turn one page of the blue leather-bound book.
 You read page two of the blue leather-bound book:
 Written in black ink in Morporkian:
 This day might have been one of the most exciting days I’ve ever had on the Disc in quite a long time - and the most exhausting.  But it was worth it!  It was worth every effort, every tear, and every nervous breakdown to make this day happen.
 
 And it was all thanks to you.  
 
 To everyone who participated, thank you!
 To everyone who came out to judge, thank you!
 To everyone who gave us money and prize items, thank you!
 To everyone who helped us on the day of, thank you!
 To everyone who came and watched, thank you!
 
 And to pommes and Quotid, who were there from the very beginning, thank you!
 
 
 Mattias Brogher

 You turn one page of the blue leather-bound book.
 You read page three of the blue leather-bound book:
 Written in black ink in Morporkian:
 Table of Contents................. 2
 The Witches
   Janeka ......................... 3
   Mothergoose..................... 5
   Sorae........................... 7
   Spip............................ 9
   Synonym......................... 11
   Jaceth.......................... 13
   Aggratha........................ 15
   
 The Judges
   Verdancy........................ 17
   Sapphyr......................... 17
   Camelion........................ 18
   Gwydion......................... 18
   Sneeky.......................... 19
   Pommes.......................... 19
 
 The Results....................... 20
 The Organizers.................... 21
 Group Pictures.................... 23
 A final thank you................. 25

 You turn one page of the blue leather-bound book.
 You read page four of the blue leather-bound book:
 Written in black ink in Morporkian:
 ==::The Witches ::==
 JANEKA
 This is a beautiful colour picture of Janeka Summers.  It shows:
 You see Janeka Summers the Witch.
 She is a strapping young bat.
 Are you sure this isn't a wizard? On closer inspection, the staff harness on her back has a broom in it, and her clothing has a distinct lack of glittery sequins. Still, the resemblance is eerie. She occasionally shifts her weight, as if uncomfortable on her feet.
 She is in good shape.
 She is drinking brandy from the bottle.
 You can't help but notice twenty-one warts upon her face.
 Her skin looks as hard as rock, although it seems weaker around the face.
 She has Birdeating Spider floating around her.
 She has a bouquet of sweet-smelling freesias neatly braided into her hair.
 Holding : a wine red apple wood wand (left hand).
 Wearing : a kinky pair of lavender silk boots, a pair of iron gauntlets, a padded monk's robe, a knapsack, A Nearby Parking Lot, a modern blackberry witches' hat, a keyring necklace, two club badges, an artificer's tool belt, A Hollow Skull and a silver-studded sword belt.
 Carrying: a small compact, a bronze helm, a flat cap, a cured juicy melon and a large red bottle.
 In the background you can see a fallow field.
 
 And Janeka’s fruitbat, Melons:
 This is a beautiful colour picture of Melons the giant fruitbat.  It shows:
 This is Melons, a fruitbat that Janeka Summers has summoned to do her bidding.  He looks cute, in a way that only a two foot tall fruitbat carrying a small basket with its feet could.
 He is following Janeka Summers.
 He is in good shape.
 He is flying.
 He looks well-fed.
 Wearing : A Monocle, a raspberry red tweed waistcoat, a cream cotton shirt and a raspberry red tweed bow tie.
 Carrying: a cured juicy melon, a used crate, a hessian sack and a bronze helm.
 His purse is fit to burst!
 In the background you can see a fallow field.

 You turn one page of the blue leather-bound book.
 You read page five of the blue leather-bound book:
 Written in black ink in Morporkian:
 Janeka's Tricks and Mocks:
 Freestyle 4+ Stages: In Which Janeka Does Juggling
 Janeka Summers gets a mustard juggling ball, a red juggling ball, two aquamarine balls, a yellow and blue spotted juggling ball and a rainbow swirled juggling ball from a pocket in a knapsack.
 Janeka Summers starts juggling a set of three brightly coloured balls. She doesn't seem very good at it - she stumbles back and forth, cursing under her breath as the balls barely stay under her control.
 Then you blink - and suddenly Janeka Summers's juggling six, ten, no! twenty! The air is abruptly full of colourful balls spinning and arcing in a dizzying dance. Some of the balls pass through each other, but they don't seem to mind.
 A third of the balls light up with fire, the others twisting and transforming into sharp knives, white doves and fizzing fireworks, twirling end over end. The fireworks all go off at once, spelling Janeka Summers in bright sparks across the sky.
 Janeka Summers looks like she's preparing for a final maneuver! She concentrates, wobbling slightly, and shifts to stand on one leg with a dramatic flourish. A missed dove nearly crashes before remembering it can fly and gleefully escaping through the air.
 As you watch, mesmerized, Janeka grins brightly at you and winks - and suddenly her hands are empty again.
 Janeka Summers puts the yellow and blue spotted juggling ball, the red juggling ball, two aquamarine balls, the rainbow swirled juggling ball and the mustard juggling ball in a pocket in the knapsack.
 
 Themed Trick: Janeka's Reflective Matrix
 Janeka Summers says with a Brindisian accent: Mirrors... are the windows to the soul.
 Janeka Summers says with a Brindisian accent: For it is said, a mirror saved is a mirror earned.
 Janeka Summers says with a Brindisian accent: suspenseful pause.
 Janeka Summers gets a silver mirror from her knapsack.
 Janeka Summers gets a cured rosy red apple from her knapsack.
 Janeka Summers sits at a mirror and gazes intently into it, divining something while polishing an apple vigorously. She suddenly hurls the apple into the mirror, the silvered glass accepting it without a trace, then spins the mirror around to show it to you.
 The mirror shows only your reflection. Janeka Summers does a smug dance, grinning evilly. Shrugging, you go about your business, only briefly interrupted when the apple mysteriously turns up in your pocket.
 Years pass. You slowly garner power, wealth, and knowledge, becoming one of the most influential people on the Disc. Janeka Summers's apple, somehow perpetually fresh, becomes your lucky charm, carried with you every step of your path to ascension.
 Hundreds flock to your mansion every day to kiss the earth at your feet. Every day is a new adventure, as you face incredible challenges to defeat great foes. Janeka Summers's strange failed trick crosses your mind only once more, and is quickly forgotten.
 On your deathbed, with every single one of your closest friends and your massive extended family weeping around you, you smile gently and close your eyes with finality... And wake up gazing into the mirror, the apple in your hand.
 
 Janeka’s Mock:
 
 Janeka Summers loudly exclaims with a Brindisian accent: You call that mocking, Unlucky Charlie?  You might as well go back home to Mad Stoat. That reminds of the time when I saw Old Aunty Ogg-San in Slice and she was just mocking away, why, you should have seen it. Lawks, are your feelings hurt, dearie? Anyway, I tried that in front of your own dear grandmother once and she glared a hole in my torso, you could see right through! Was I hurt then. I'll mock you upside the head, I will. If the bees were as bad at collecting honey as you are at mocking, my word they wouldn't bee here today. I'm sorry, people these days. You know, it used to be that we used to mock the darkness that lies within our hearts. Our Gammer Nudity, Annie Spindlewit, and Our Mum Blithesome would be ashamed of you. And tell all your friends!

 You turn one page of the blue leather-bound book.
 You read page six of the blue leather-bound book:
 Written in black ink in Morporkian:
 MOTHERGOOSE
 This is a beautiful colour picture of MotherGoose.  It shows:
 You see Old MotherGoose the Witch.
 She is a strapping young human lass.
 MotherGoose is wearing reading glasses and a black pointy hat with a silver buckle. She is dressed all in black and carries a basket over one arm from which peeps a black and white checkered book. It almost seems as if she is wearing a costume or disguise. Though you can't help but notice an abundance of laugh wrinkles drawn upon her face, her heart shaped lips seems youthful, and her hazel eyes twinkle at you mischievously. Beneath her hat, her hair takes on a wild life of its own. The curls seem to bounce and frolic of their own accord. Her skin is tanned, though on close inspection you wonder if the tan is natural. Her hands are callused from working with hot bottles of potion. You would expect a witch like this to have heavy flat feet, but hers look delicate and swift.
 She is in good shape.
 She is huggin her new iron broom.
 You can't help but notice eighteen warts upon her face.
 She has a withered tiny somewhat thorny extreme double red rose neatly braided into her hair.
 Wearing : a pair of reading glasses, a black woollen dress, a black backpack, a dark bone leather duffel bag, a pointy black hat, a fake flower, a utility belt, a blackened canteen, a diamond stud earring, a small bronze button, a gold ring, an occult raven necklace, a gold watch, a ruby ring, a stone medallion, Goose Shaped Badge, an ivory penholder, Dragon Shaped Badge, Mothergoose's Keyz and an occult bat brooch.
 Carrying: an iron broomstick and a grotty old potato sack.
 In the background you can see a fallow field.
 
 And Mothergoose’s fruitbat, Sukey:
 This is a beautiful colour picture of Sukey the giant fruitbat.  It shows:
 This is Sukey, a fruitbat that MotherGoose has summoned to do her bidding.  She looks cute, in a way that only a two foot tall fruitbat carrying a small basket with its feet could.
 She is staying put.
 She is in good shape.
 She is flying.
 She looks well-fed.
 Carrying: two cured juicy melons, Wormhole, a deep red silk backpack, some dried yarrow and some honey.
 In the background you can see a path near Lancre Gorge.

 You turn one page of the blue leather-bound book.
 You read page seven of the open blue leather-bound book:
 Written in black ink in Morporkian:
 Mothergoose’s Tricks and Mocks:
 
 Themed Trick: Mothergoose’s Apple Dolly
 Old MotherGoose says with a Lancrastian accent: Yes.. my apple dolly trick
 Old MotherGoose says with a Lancrastian accent: You don't seem them much anymore.. but when I was a girl.. we used to make toys out of food
 Old MotherGoose says with a Lancrastian accent: sticking pins in potatoes.. and making dolls from corn husks
 Old MotherGoose says with a Lancrastian accent: and another thing we made were apple dolls
 Old MotherGoose says with a Lancrastian accent: you carved the face in an apple and put lemon juice and salt on it and let it shrink for a week and it would make a lovely wrinkled old face.
 Old MotherGoose says with a Lancrastian accent: Magic lets me speed up this process.. and a  little bit of .. life
 Old MotherGoose gets a Lancre Blackheart apple from a Hello Monkey! lunchbox between opening and closing it.
 Old MotherGoose gets a honeycomb from a pocket in a dark bone leather duffel bag.
 Old MotherGoose gets a fine cambric handkerchief from a pocket in a dark bone leather duffel bag.
 Old MotherGoose rubs her hands together
 Old MotherGoose channels her inner old woman and holds up an apple and examines it carefully. With a paring knife in hand, she peels the apple smoothly and then cuts a face into the apple. She peers at the apple face critically.
 The face of the apple begins to shrink and shrivel. Old MotherGoose wraps her handkerchief around the withered apple head so it looks like a charming old woman.
 Holding the apple doll, Old MotherGoose begins animating it like a puppet. She makes it bob and swing until... suddenly the doll leaps from her hand, does a quick little jig and then runs away.
 Is that the cackling of an old woman you hear in the distance or the delighted chortles of the old apple doll?
 Old MotherGoose says with a Lancrastian accent: another handkerchief gone
 
 Mothergoose’s Mock:
 Old MotherGoose says with a Lancrastian accent: so this is a mock I use from time to time but not many have seens it
 Old MotherGoose says with a Lancrastian accent: I use this when trying to remove a started delude from a weapon
 Old MotherGoose gets a steel shoto from a gleaming red saya inside a pocket in the black backpack.
 Old MotherGoose stares critically at the steel shoto
 Old MotherGoose loudly says with a Lancrastian accent: You call yerself a talisman, you silly little steel shoto?  You are not a sword! You are a spoon! You are dull and lifeless. Captain Carrot would bury you in Pseudopolis Yard if he could even be bothered. Detritus could use you as a toothpick. Kess would be happy to put you where the sun won't shine..and I do not mean in Slice! Maybe, I will give you to Florian over in Mad Wolf and he can feed you to his sheep. Maybe, Dia Shale could put you in the forge in Creel Springs and reform you into a cart wheel. I wonder if Rincewind would like to trade his left sneaker for you. Nah, you are not even worth a pinch of purple powder. My you are stubborn, arn't you. You look more like a melon than a sword anyway. I could probably toss you off Lover's Leap in Brass Neck and you would bounce back.

 You turn one page of the blue leather-bound book.
 You read page eight of the blue leather-bound book:
 Written in black ink in Morporkian:
 SORAE
 This is a beautiful colour picture of Sorae.  It shows:
 You see Young Sorae the Witch.
 She is a gangly, bird-like woman.
 She has pure white hair cut just below her chin, fanning out in a messy halo around her head. Jade green eyes are set above a beak-like nose and a small mouth, leading to a slender neck. Her skin is almost as pale as her hair, unblemished save for the warts.
 She is in good shape.
 She is standing.
 You can't help but notice thirty warts upon her face.
 She has a bouquet of sweet-smelling freesias neatly braided into her hair.
 Holding : a mother of pearl broomstick (left hand and right hand).
 Wearing : a pair of pearl silk high heels, a pearl-white cheongsam, a small canteen, a feathery white silk backpack, a modern white witches' hat, an ivory-faced watch, a jade green saya, a Sung family crest, a twisted vine ring, a jade daffodil bracelet and a delicate silver ring.
 Carrying: a pair of iron gauntlets and Fruit Basket.
 Her purse is fit to burst!
 In the background you can see a fallow field.
 
 And Sorae’s fruitbat, Ayris:
 This is a beautiful colour picture of Ayris the giant fruitbat.  It shows:
 This is Ayris, a fruitbat that Sorae has summoned to do her bidding.  She looks cute, in a way that only a two foot tall fruitbat carrying a small basket with its feet could.
 She is following Sorae.
 She is in good shape.
 She is flying.
 She looks well-fed.
 Wearing : a pair of jade green leather boots, a dark grey silk robe, a jade green flannel scarf and a jade green flannel bobble hat.
 Carrying: a snow white canvas duffel bag, a large peridot bottle, a large white towel, a black silk carryall, a hunter's pack and a hessian sack.
 In the background you can see a fallow field.

 You turn one page of the blue leather-bound book.
 You read page nine of the blue leather-bound book:
 Written in black ink in Morporkian:
 Sorae's Tricks:
 
 Freestyle 4+ stages: Sorae's Downy Blanket
 Young Sorae gets a heron body feather from a pocket in a feathery white silk backpack.
 Young Sorae traces a Mystical Sigil with a white plumed feather. Lines of shimmering white trail and dance behind the feather, almost blinding as the sigil is completed.
 Tossing the feather up in the air, Young Sorae points with a flourish and looks rather expectant at the sky.
 Numerous feathers are suddenly summoned from out of nowhere, covering Young Sorae in a pile of fluff and feather bits. Soon she is completely hidden from view.
 A fluff-covered humanoid flops onto the ground, the weight of the feathers making her topple over. Some of the feathers are dislodged during the fall to reveal Young Sorae's face as she curses.
 Batting at the feathers, Sorae mutters some choice words under her breath and the whole pile disappears. She stands and brushes herself off, managing to look unruffled as she picks up the original feather and stows it away.
 Young Sorae looks nonchalant as she walks off, a bit off fluff still clinging to her clothes
 
 Themed Trick:Sorae's Apple Transfiguration
 Young Sorae gets a Gammer Smith apple from Fruit Basket between opening and closing it.
 Young Sorae palms a rosy red apple, examining it carefully for bruises and blemishes. Looking satisfied, she sets it down on the earth before her.
 Young Sorae crouches down as she sprinkles a mixture of herbs and feathers over the apple, mumbling unintelligible words and waving her hands enchantingly.
 After a long pause, the apple begins to shrink and blacken as if being roasted over a fire. Young Sorae beams as the herbs and feathers dissipate like smoke, obscuring the view of the still-shrinking apple.
 As the smoke clears, Sorae picks up a smooth black egg from the ashes. She scrunches up her face and goes 'Bah!' Then discards the hundred year old egg.

 You turn one page of the blue leather-bound book.
 You read page ten of the blue leather-bound book:
 Written in black ink in Morporkian:
 SPIP
 This is a beautiful colour picture of Spip.  It shows:
 You see Wicked Spip the Witch.
 She is a strapping young human lass.
 She is in good shape.
 She is standing.
 You can't help but notice twenty-three warts upon her face.
 She has a bouquet of sweet-smelling freesias, a withered black orchid, a withered bunch of ultraviolet weeds, a withered purple violet and a withered black rose neatly braided into her hair.
 She has a glittery blood red broomstick floating around her.
 There is a soft glow of beauty to her features.
 Holding : a glittery midnight black broomstick (left hand and right hand).
 Wearing : a pair of hobnailed boots, Shroud Of Darkness, Spip's Black Crown, Tardis, Band Of Evil, Spip's Lethal Trap, Kordane's Trinket, a pair of dark sapphire earrings and a silver eyebrow barbell.
 Carrying: a lamp, Grave Grabbed Gear, Spip's Evil Flame and Smelly Bag.
 Her purse is tinkling with coins.
 In the background you can see a fallow field.
 
 
 (One) MrWolfie wisps: bah! why does money have to be so heavy!?

 You turn one page of the blue leather-bound book.
 You read page eleven of the blue leather-bound book:
 Written in black ink in Morporkian:
 Spip’s Tricks and Mocks:
 
 Freestyle 4+ Stages: Spip's Belated Party.
 Wicked Spip walks up to the stage with an air about her not unlike that of a witch who has turned up at the Witch Trials with no Trick to produce. She appears to be holding a large round stone.
 Wicked Spip appears to be channeling her will into the large round stone, and loudly suggests that it and she should become acquainted. Despite what common sense suggests, you feel it nodding to Wicked Spip quite vehemently.
 Wicked Spip whispers a name to the large round stone. You can't quite catch it, but she seems to be charming enough to convince the large round stone.
 Wicked Spip massages the large round stone while whispering a number into its ear. Or that's what you assume. Does a prehistoric lump of compacted earth even have ears?
 Wicked Spip spends a fair amount of time talking to the strange talisman about many strange things. You hardly catch a word here and there, mostly curses, but your mind still forms some fantastical story out of it.
 Suddenly, the large round stone explodes in the witch's face, covering the entire area in what can only be tiny bits of Spip and stone. When the smoke clears, Spip is standing there with a grin on her face and the stone in her hand.
 
 Spip’s Themed Trick: Spip's Rotten Apple
 Wicked Spip takes Unlucky Charlie down from his pole.
 Spip concentrates her piercing eyes on a point in mid air just in front of her. Slowly, tiny particles begin to aggregate until a tiny seed is formed. Spip extends her hand and the seed falls into it with a barely audible 'plop'.
 Spip digs the heel of her boot into the soil at her feet with considerable intent. She then places the seed inside the niche thus formed and gently covers it with earth.
 Spip mutters some words of power and spits on the spot where the seed is buried to water it. Almost immediately a stalk shoots up and keeps growing, rapidly turning into a large tree, ripe with fruit.
 Spip plucks the finest apple from the tree with a quick flick of her gnarly hand. She then focuses all the fire of her will on the unsuspecting fruit, which withers hopelessly to a rotten husk in a matter of seconds.
 Spip tempts Unlucky Charlie with the wasted fruit upon which the curse is laid, saying, 'Lawks! I am a frail old woman and a seller of rosy plump apples, and skinny besides. Lawks. Pray take and eat one, dearie.'
 Unlucky Charlie is so tempted by rotting ruin that once was an apple that he can't help but take it from Spip. Unlucky Charlie eats a piece of it and lets out a terrifying scream, fall$ing on his knees and melt$ing into a puddle of slimy goo.
 
 Spip’s Mock:
 
 Wicked Spip loudly exclaims: You call that brewing, Unlucky Charlie?  You call that brewing? I've seen little gals playing with mud and they got better results than you. That's not brewing, that's a disgrace! If Granny Weatherwax or Nanny Ogg ever hear about it, you'll be a wette henne until you're older than Old Mother Dismass, who can brew you a lovely tea with the leaves of the shrub she intends to plant next week. Now that's what I'd call brewing!

 You turn one page of the blue leather-bound book.
 You read page twelve of the blue leather-bound book:
 Written in black ink in Morporkian:
 SYNONYM
 This is a beautiful colour picture of Synonym.  It shows:
 You see Wee Synonym the Witch.
 She is a strapping young human lass.
 She is in good shape.
 She is standing.
 You can't help but notice ten warts upon her face.
 She has a rolling pin floating around her.
 She is soaked and doesn't look that well at all.
 Her breasts are pleasingly plump looking.
 She is surrounded by a yellow glow.
 Wearing : a pair of hobnailed boots, a pair of oven mitts, an old black cloak and a pointy black hat.
 In the background you can see a fallow field.

 You turn one page of the blue leather-bound book.
 You read page thirteen of the blue leather-bound book:
 Written in black ink in Morporkian:
 
 Synonym’s Tricks and Mocks:
 
 Freesyle 1-3 stages: Synonym's Dancing Shoes
 Wee Synonym stares enchantingly at Unlucky Charlie's shoes for a long moment, before clicking her fingers four times.
 Under Wee Synonym's influence, the shoes start to move of their own accord. They start tap dancing to some unheard jazz number!
 With a final flourish of razamatazz that's really impressive but quite undescribable, the shoes finish their routine, Synonym's power wanes and she releases control. Unlucky Charlie looks exhausted!
 
 Synonym’s Mock:
 
 Wee Synonym exclaims with a Lancrastian accent: Hiding? You call that hiding? You couldn't be more visible even if you were wearing a clown nose, a flaming red wig and white face paint! Goodie Whemper -maysherestinpeace- could hide from Death better than you can hide in this room, and she's DEAD! You'd better get yourself better hidden or else it's frog time for you, dearie. Lawks!

 You turn one page of the blue leather-bound book.
 You read page fourteen of the blue leather-bound book:
 Written in black ink in Morporkian:
 JACETH
 This is a beautiful black and white picture of Jaceth.  It shows:
 You see Biddy Jaceth the Witch.
 She is a strapping young human lass.
 She is in good shape.
 She is sitting.
 You can't help but notice thirty-five warts upon her face.
 A plague of huge, shiny black elephant beetles is buzzing noisily around her.
 Wearing : Lenses Of Levity, Ruby Stompers, a hooded black dress with crocheted lace handpieces, Fend, Trappings, Plunder, Stiffneck, Hardhat, Von Brassbridge, Prickly, Sesame, Stash, Quench, Peachpie and Now.
 In the background you can see a fallow field.

 You turn one page of the blue leather-bound book.
 You read page fifteen of the blue leather-bound book:
 Written in black ink in Morporkian:
 Jaceth’s Tricks:
 
 Freestyle 4+ Stages: Biddy Jaceth's Crotchety Cloud
 Biddy Jaceth approaches Unlucky Charlie, flexing her fingers and staring fixedly at the air above his head.
 Muttering direly, Biddy Jaceth makes an imperative summoning gesture and a small pale cloud condenses over Unlucky Charlie.
 Biddy Jaceth dances in a slow circle around Unlucky Charlie, never ceasing her baleful muttering.  The cloud grows larger, and darkens to a leaden grey.
 Coming to a halt in front of Unlucky Charlie, Biddy Jaceth claps her hands sharply and utters a pungent curse.  The cloud responds with a long rumble of thunder.
 A jagged finger of purple lightning flashes from the cloud and strikes Unlucky Charlie on his nose.  Unlucky Charlie wails pitiably, and the cloud melts away.
 
 Jaceth’s Themed Trick: Biddy Jaceth's Apple Appeal
 Biddy Jaceth holds the cup in both hands and chants softly: Lofty boughs, buried roots, wind in leaves, sun on fruits.
 Swaying from side to side, Biddy Jaceth continues her beguiling chant: Apples red, apples gold, cider sweet, scumble bold.
 In her most enchanting voice, Biddy Jaceth appeals: Apples sweet, apples tart, here's my cup, do your part.
 Biddy Jaceth holds the cup aloft.  The scent of apples perfumes the air, but the cup remains empty.
 The apple fragrance grows stronger, and the cup fills to the brim with scumble.  Biddy Jaceth beams happily and drains the cup in one long swallow.

 You turn one page of the blue leather-bound book.
 You read page sixteen of the blue leather-bound book:
 Written in black ink in Morporkian:
 AGGRATHA
 This is a beautiful colour picture of Aggratha.  It shows:
 You see Aggratha the Witch.
 She is a strapping young human lass.
 She is in good shape.
 She is standing.
 You can't help but notice sixteen warts upon her face.
 Holding : a midnight blue broomstick (left hand and right hand).
 Wearing : Purple Cryptkickers, a billowing witch's purple linen cloak, Antique Choker, a traditional black witches' hat, an occult cat earring and a wooden ring.
 Carrying: a leather lamellar halter and a small crystal.
 Her purse is bulging with coins.
 In the background you can see a fallow field.
 
 And Aggratha’s fruitbat, Brewswain:
 This is a beautiful black and white picture of Brewswain the giant fruitbat.  It shows:
 This is Brewswain, a fruitbat that Aggratha has summoned to do her bidding.  He looks cute, in a way that only a two foot tall fruitbat carrying a small basket with its feet could.
 He is following Aggratha.
 He is in good shape.
 He is flying.
 He looks well-fed.
 Wearing : a midnight blue spider silk waistcoat, a dark purple spider silk cravat, a plum coloured snakeskin fedora and a spring green silk mask.
 Carrying: a medium satchel, two cured rosy red apples, a crude string bag and a small canteen.
 In the background you can see a fallow field.
 

 You turn one page of the blue leather-bound book.
 You read page seventeen of the blue leather-bound book:
 Written in black ink in Morporkian:
 Aggratha’s Tricks: Freestyle 4+ Stages Aggrathas Stooge
 Aggratha dances daintily over to Unlucky Charlie and twirls him around with dizzying speed.
 Aggratha chants "From watching clicks it's in the rules, for good slapstick I need three fools"  A second and third version of Unlucky Charlie spin out of Unlucky Charlie!
 Singing "I warn you now I can't be whipp'd, I bind all three to follow the script!" Aggratha hands tattered manuscripts to Unlucky Charlie and his doppelgangers.
 The manuscripts glow as the monochrome magick of the clicks animate Unlucky Charlie and his duplicates. Aggratha shouts: ACTION!
 Unlucky Charlie slaps the second Unlucky Charlie in the head. The second Unlucky Charlie kicks the third Unlucky Charlie in the pants. The third Unlucky Charlie pokes the second Unlucky Charlie in the eyes. Both replicas sucker punch Unlucky Charlie and exit stage left. Unlucky Charlie falls on his rear baffled.
 
 Themed Trick: Aggratha's Original Sinning
 Unfortunately, Aggratha needed to leave before she could perform this trick, and it never made it to the Trials, but here it is for all of you to enjoy:
 
 Aggratha gets one cured apple seed from her utility belt.
 Muttering an ancient curse Aggratha throws an apple seed at the ground in front of Straightwire.
 Faster than Dibbler selling a sausage, an apple tree erupts from the ground.
 Evil Evie Delmonte steps from behind Straightwire, plucks a glowing green apple from the tree andwinks at Aggratha, evoking thoughts of age-old wrongdoings deep in your mind.
 Evil Evie Delmonte says: Lawks. I am but an Incarnation of Sin, and charmingly irresistible besides.  Pray take and eat the apple dearie. Aggratha cackles as Evil Evie rams the apple irresistibly in Straightwire's gaping mouth.
 Straightwire gulps the apple down and glows with knowledge... Until a thunderbolt strikes him
 suddenly and his clothes fall off in tatters. Straightwire blushes like a novice seamstress as a tiny fig leaf floats from above to cover his modesty.
 
 A thank you to Straightwire for catching Aggratha after the event and having the trick performed on him!

 You turn one page of the blue leather-bound book.
 You read page eighteen of the blue leather-bound book:
 Written in black ink in Morporkian:
 ==::The Judges::==
 This is a beautiful colour picture of Verdancy.  It shows:
 You see Ms Verdancy the Crafty Mistress Law Breaker.
 She is a strapping young human lass.
 She is in good shape.
 She is standing.
 Her hair has been plaited into two braids, which have then been coiled about the ears and subsequently decorated with small velvet cats.
 Wearing : a pair of mirrored sunglasses, a pair of dark grey boots, a malachite green silk cloak, an emerald ring, a diamond ring, a small electrum ring and a ruby ring.
 In the background you can see a fallow field.
 
 
 You see Ms Sapphyr deParfum the War Monger of the Ankh-Morpork Palace Guard.
 She is a strapping young human lass.
 She is a tall, voluptuous woman in her 30s. She stands about 5'11" and has smooth, olive skin, and thick, wavy, dark-brown hair that falls to just past her shoulders. Her almond-shaped, heavy-lidded, dark-brown eyes have a wicked glint of naughtiness in them but are keenly observant of her surroundings at all times. She is unashamedly curvaceous, her body built not just for love but for war as well. Although seemingly quite shy, she appears to personify the saying "it's always the quiet ones you have to watch out for". Cross her at your peril, however. Her sultry, cupid's bow lips are plump, smooth and kept natural and unadorned. They seem to be set in a constant, gentle, welcoming smile - or knowing smirk, depending on the situation.
 She is in good shape.
 She is standing.
 She has a small label stuck on her.
 Wearing : a pair of quilted satin boots, a pair of steel greaves, a pair of iron gauntlets, a pair of steel vambraces, a pair of leopard-print panties, a pair of seamstress pink stockings and suspenders, a Grflx scale, a 42 D-cup spiky iron breastplate, a black backpack, a Sarilak scabbard, a metal helm, two club badges, a red badge, a katana scabbard and a bloodstone anklet.
 Her purse is fit to burst!
 In the background you can see a fallow field.

 You turn one page of the blue leather-bound book.
 You read page nineteen of the blue leather-bound book:
 Written in black ink in Morporkian:
 This is a beautiful colour picture of Camelion Sinensis.  It shows:
 You see Lord Camelion Sinensis the Brown.
 He is a strapping young human lad.
 He is in good shape.
 He is standing.
 He has a withered small potted cactus neatly braided into his hair.
 His skin looks strangely mineral-like, although it seems weaker around the neck.
 Holding : an iron rowan walking stick (left hand) and Tea Leaf (right hand).
 Wearing : a pair of dwarfish goggles, a pair of Doc Martens, a pair of fingerless gloves, a comfortable old wanderer's robe, a wow-wow sauce brown wizard's pointy hat, a brushed leather penholder and a blackened canteen.
 Carrying: an imposing black leather-bound book.
 His purse is bulging with coins.
 In the background you can see a fallow field.
 
 
 This is a beautiful colour picture of Gwydion Kalashnikov.  It shows:
 You see Sultan Gwydion Kalashnikov the Consumed One of the Sekkite Militant.
 He is a strapping young human lad.
 He is in good shape.
 He is standing.
 Holding : a scythe (left hand) and a small klatchian steel tower shield (right hand).
 Wearing : a pair of luxurious black court shoes, a pair of iron gauntlets, a traditional blood red velvet chasuble, a twilight-coloured silk desert cloak and a Klatchian silver face covering.
 His purse is tinkling with coins.
 In the background you can see a fallow field.

 You turn one page of the blue leather-bound book.
 You read page twenty of the blue leather-bound book:
 Written in black ink in Morporkian:
 This is a beautiful colour picture of Sneeky MacKill.  It shows:
 You see Doctor Sneeky MacKill the Mythical Shadow of Cobra House, DAlSc, MA, MMAP, MPE.
 He is a strapping young human lad.
 He is not what you would call a handsome man, the signs of age are visable along with the scars. He has a thin frame and hands that look like they were carved from oak. Despite his age he moves with grace and speed, you get the the feeling you need to be somewhere else, in fact you need to be there very quickly.
 He is in good shape.
 He is standing.
 He is sooty all over, like a chimneysweep on extra duty.
 His skin looks as elastic as rubber, although it seems weaker around the stomach.
 Holding : Kindness (left hand) and Good Intentions (right hand).
 Wearing : a pair of black soft-soled boots, an old black cloak and an occult snake earring.
 In the background you can see a fallow field.
 
 This is a beautiful colour picture of pommes d'Parranoid.  It shows:
 You see pommes d'Parranoid the Witch.
 She is a strapping young human lass.
 She is in good shape.
 She is standing.
 You can't help but notice thirty-one warts upon her face.
 She has a buttercup neatly braided into her hair.
 Wearing : a pair of iron gauntlets, a bloodstained white clown suit, a staff harness, a knapsack, a tall black top hat, a blood red linen belt pack, a blackened canteen, a keyring necklace, two club badges and a utility belt.
 In the background you can see a fallow field.

 You turn one page of the blue leather-bound book.
 You read page twenty-one of the blue leather-bound book:
 Written in black ink in Morporkian:
 ==::The Results::==
 Freestyle 1-3 Stages:
 Winner: Granny Weatherwax
 1st runner up: Synonym
 
 Freestyle 4+ Stages:
 Winner: Granny Weatherwax
 1st runner up: Aggratha
 Also 1st runner up: Janeka
 2nd runner up: Jaceth
 
 Themed Trick:
 Winner: Granny Weatherwax
 1st runner up: Janeka
 2nd runner up: Mothergoose
 3rd runner up: Spip
 
 Mocks:
 Winner: Granny Weatherwax
 1st runner up: Spip
 2nd runner up: Synonym
 3rd runner up: Mothergoose
 
 Fruitbat competition:
 Winner: Granny Weatherwax’s fruit bat?
   In the end people wondered if the prize went instead to You the Cat.  Unfortunately, Granny refused to comment.
 1st runner up: Janeka (Melons)
 2nd runner up: Sorae (Ayris)
 3rd runner up: Mothergoose (Sukey)
 
 Aggratha was also a contestant in this category but needed to leave before Brewswain could be judged :(
 
 The People’s Choice Award
 1st place: Janeka
 Tied for 2nd: Jaceth and Synonym

 You turn one page of the blue leather-bound book.
 You read page twenty-two of the open blue leather-bound book:
 Written in black ink in Morporkian:
 ==::The Organizers::==
 QUOTID
 This is a beautiful colour picture of Quotid Obisnuit.  It shows:
 You see Mother Quotid Obisnuit the Witch.
 She is a strapping young human lass.
 She is an erstwhile flaxen haired, blue eyed beauty. Perhaps handsome would be more accurate. The assortment of healed puncture wounds and various scars lend credence to her origins. As seemingly unconcerned of her faint beard and chest hair as she is of her rather large feet, the lines on her face lend her an overall air of apparent authority. Her numerous warts are reminiscent of a game of 'Join The Dots'.  Thank the wossnames she has a great personality.
 She is in good shape.
 She is standing.
 You can't help but notice thirty-one warts upon her face.
 She has a buttercup neatly braided into her hair.
 She has First Defense floating around her.
 A plague of quietly chirping cicadas is circling around her.
 Wearing : a pair of leather plate boots, Quotidian Rarity, Cool Bananas, Silverlight, Dunkiewunkie, Withed, Land Of Oz, Dom, five twisted vine rings, Hot Spot, a club badge, Stamped, Nut Meg, Sliced, an AMCW badge and a Tang family crest.
 Carrying: a bronze helm and a large yellow bottle.
 In the background you can see a fallow field.
 
 And Quotid’s fruitbat, AwfulFalafel:
 This is a beautiful colour picture of AwfulFalafel the giant fruitbat.  It shows:
 This is AwfulFalafel, a fruitbat that Quotid Obisnuit has summoned to do her bidding.  She looks cute, in a way that only a two foot tall fruitbat carrying a small basket with its feet could.
 She is following Quotid Obisnuit.
 She is in good shape.
 She is flying.
 She looks well-fed.
 Carrying: a black backpack, a black denim backpack, First Aid, a flat cap, a broomstick, Quotid's Wallet, Storage Wars and Disclet.
 In the background you can see a fallow field.
 Written in black ink in Morporkian:
 Quotid’s Surprise Trick: 
 Mother Quotid Obisnuit says with an Uberwaldean accent: And while we wait for the popular voted to come in slowly, I will perform a themed trick I wrote for you all
 Mother Quotid Obisnuit says with an Uberwaldean accent: It is dedicated to Mr. Quotid and my Apfelstrudel.
 Mother Quotid Obisnuit exclaims with an Uberwaldean accent: I present Quotid's Great Uberwaldean Bake Off!
 Mother Quotid Obisnuit closes her eyes, deftly dicing a rosy red apple. She adds some spices and shrouds them in layers of gossamer strudel dough. The scent of cinnamon evokes memories of Dame Julie and curtain clothes (neither being Mother Quotid Obisnuit's favorite thing).
 Mother Quotid Obisnuit glares at the pastry pillow. A sheath of fire envelopes it and before your eyes the promising pastry is transformed into a scrumptious studel.
 Swiftly slicing a Gammer Smith apple, Mother Quotid Obisnuit fans it out into a dainty circle. She adds sugar and cardamom, the smell conjuring up vivid memories of journeys to distant lands. Your reverie ends abruptly as she covers it with pastry.
 Mother Quotid Obisnuit winks at the tarte de tatin and a gentle shimmer of flames, like the memory of a fire, caramelises the apple and browns the pastry. Inverting it Mother Quotid Obisnuit reveals a beautiful tarte de tatin.
 Reaching out, Mother Quotid Obisnuit snatches a banana out of thin air. Quickly cutting it in half, she sprinkles brown sugar over the halves and grills them under the fading flames.
 Mother Quotid Obisnuit pours a shot of scumble over the gooey mass and lights it. Flames erupt! Mother Quotid Obisnuit quickly douses them with a bit of water, with a drunkenly embaressed look on her face. The caramel banana flambe appears to have survived the ordeal.

 You turn one page of the blue leather-bound book.
 You read page twenty-three of the blue leather-bound book:
 Written in black ink in Morporkian:
 POMMES
 This is a beautiful colour picture of pommes d'Parranoid.  It shows:
 You see pommes d'Parranoid the Witch.
 She is a strapping young human lass.
 She is in good shape.
 She is standing.
 You can't help but notice thirty-one warts upon her face.
 She has a buttercup neatly braided into her hair.
 Wearing : a pair of iron gauntlets, a bloodstained white clown suit, a staff harness, a knapsack, a tall black top hat, a blood red linen belt pack, a blackened canteen, a keyring necklace, two club badges and a utility belt.
 In the background you can see a fallow field.
 
 AND ME!
 This is a beautiful colour picture of Mattias Brogher.  It shows:
 You see Ancient Mattias Brogher.
 He is a strapping young human lad.
 He is a tallish man, tanned from many years spent outdoors.  His hair is brown and scraggly, sweeping back from his face and ending in a tangle just above his shoulders.  He seems restless, wearing the slightly wild-eyed expression of someone wanting to do too many things at once.
 He is in good shape.
 He is looking harassed.
 His skin looks as elastic as rubber, although it seems weaker around the legs.
 He has razor sharp claws extending from his fingertips.
 Holding : a set of carved pine prayer beads (left hand).
 Wearing : a pair of black leather boots, Mighty Fists and a drab trench coat.
 In the background you can see a fallow field.

 You turn one page of the blue leather-bound book.
 You read page twenty-four of the blue leather-bound book:
 Written in black ink in Morporkian:
 ==::Group Pictures::==
 There were quite a few pictures taken during the event.  Unfortunately I cannot show them all, but here is one of them:
 
 This is a beautiful colour picture of a fallow field.  It shows:
 A lonely-looking scarecrow stands in the middle of a field that has been left fallow this year.  It is filled with wild grasses and clover.  The grasses are probably wild because of the crop circle in the middle of the field.  The south end of the field disappears into Lancre Gorge.
 There is an Old Mother Dismass shaped crater in the ground.
 Betta Recognize! is lying here, Janeka Summers is posing cutely, Kake and Jaceth are sitting here, Valerin von Brassbridge is sitting in the grass, Camelion Sinensis is talking to a hedge, Mattias Brogher is looking harassed, MotherGoose is holding up rabbit ears, five swarms of fireflies are buzzing around, a candy apple red cloud is floating in the air here and a scruffy matron, Quow, Cadayria, Quotid Obisnuit, Nyx, Leitho, Adorer, Sorae, Juppie, a wolf-like Ramtop wolfhound, Aggratha, Laetha, Verdancy, Rakah Jaeger, Sneeky MacKill, Gwydion Kalashnikov, pommes d'Parranoid, Synonym, Sapphyr deParfum, Egwene, Rostin and Unlucky Charlie are standing here.
 Old Mother Dismass' crystal ball is wedged into the bottom of a crater and a silver medallion, two silver rings, two silver necklaces and some Ankh-Morpork pence are on the ground.
 
 
 And just to the west of us was Quow, who kept the fruitbats fed and happy for most of the Trials:
 This is a beautiful colour picture of a path near Lancre Gorge.  It shows:
 You are on a path leading from Lancre Village, over some heather towards one of the fields surrounding the village.  This particular field seems have been left fallow this year and is growing a respectable crop of clover and various wild grasses.  The gorge is just behind the field to the east.
 An octogram on the ground glows in eldritch fashion.
 Ayris the giant fruitbat, Brewswain the giant fruitbat, Melons the giant fruitbat, Sukey the giant fruitbat and AwfulFalafel the giant fruitbat are flying, Quow is sat in a corner caring for bats, a candy apple red cloud is floating in the air here and Straightwire and a proud black duck are standing here.
 Nine handfuls of half rotten bat guano are on the ground, some fine white ash is on the ground and two large backpacks, a big wooden box, some Ankh-Morpork pence and an apple seed are on the ground.

 You turn one page of the blue leather-bound book.
 You read page twenty-five of the blue leather-bound book:
 Written in black ink in Morporkian:
 ===================================
 This is a beautiful colour picture of a fallow field.  It shows:
 A lonely-looking scarecrow stands in the middle of a field that has been left fallow this year.  It is filled with wild grasses and clover.  The grasses are probably wild because of the crop circle in the middle of the field.  The south end of the field disappears into Lancre Gorge.
 There is an Old Mother Dismass shaped crater in the ground.
 Valerin von Brassbridge is sitting in the grass, Kake and Jaceth are sitting here, Camelion Sinensis is consulting a hedge, Mattias Brogher is looking harassed, MotherGoose is watching the tricks, Quotid Obisnuit is sitting quietly at the back, four swarms of fireflies are buzzing around, Janeka Summers is spamming with all her might, Sapphyr deParfum is judging judgily, Straightwire, Egwene, Quow, Cadayria, Nyx, Leitho, Spip, Adorer, Sorae, Juppie, a wolf-like Ramtop wolfhound, Aggratha, Laetha, Verdancy, Betta Recognize!, Rakah Jaeger, Sneeky MacKill, Gwydion Kalashnikov, pommes d'Parranoid, Synonym, Rostin and Unlucky Charlie are standing here and a Sekkite red cloud and a candy apple red cloud are floating in the air here.
 Old Mother Dismass' crystal ball is wedged into the bottom of a crater and a silver medallion, two silver rings, two silver necklaces, some Ankh-Morpork pence and two iconographs are on the ground.
 ===================================

 You turn one page of the blue leather-bound book.
 You read page twenty-six of the blue leather-bound book:
 Written in black ink in Morporkian:
 ==::A final thank you::==
 Once again I have to thank everyone who helped make this event a success.  I had a blast during the Trials, and it would not have been possible without the following:
 
 For organizing with me:
 Quotid         pommes
 
 For putting themselves in the spotlight:
 Janeka        Jaceth
 Aggratha      Mothergoose
 Spip          Synonym
 Sorae
 
 For donating prizes:
 JinX            Juppie              Betta          Straightwire
 Dialapishe      Pterrific           Quow           Balrog
 Rakah              Ero                 The Shelox Hunters Club
 The Green Slab     The AM Daily        The AM Council
 
 For Judging:
 Verdancy           Camelion
 Gwydion            Sapphyr
 Sneeky              pommes
 
 For providing the pictures:
 Egwene      Straightwire
 
 For keeping the fruitbats happy:
 Valerin        Quow
 
 And for coming out to watch:
 Thank you!!

<p>[[#toc|^ Back to top]]</p>

[[Category:Events]]