Witch Trials, 2004-09-26
The 2004 Lancre Witch Trials were held on 26 September 2004 at 11pm London time, officiated over by Wee Morticia Frump. Wee Alida offered a two-stage trick while Nanna Jehane von Bruxa competed with Wee Morticia Frump in the four-stage class.
You can read the full log here, as requested by some of the ladies on the witches talker channel.
Two-stage trick
Wee Alida's trick was maybe a wee bit too difficult, and Old Woman Pokeberry Clutterbuck eventually took over and cast it for her:
- Wee Alida's Hot Flashes
Old Woman Pokeberry Clutterbuck waves her arms about convoking all the surrounding heat to gather together in front of her. Old Woman Pokeberry Clutterbuck murmers a magical phrase, and sets fire to the air in front of her in a great flash of heat and light! Pokeberry looks a bit sheepish, what with her eyebrows missing. Nice tan though!
Four-stage tricks
The four-stage tricks were very hard to choose between:
- Aunty Eucalypta's Daring Drink (performed by Nanna Jehane von Bruxa)
Nanna Jehane von Bruxa says: I was flying over the disc, and suddenly saw a black circular spot with a radius of about 1 km. Thinking it was rather odd, I went to have a look at it. Right in the centre was a blackened large hagstone. Much research and coercing later, I was able to reconstruct what had happened. This is what I found in that stone: Aunty Eucalypta's Daring Drink.
Jehane von Bruxa gets some very strange herbs from her pouch and starts to brew a foul steaming broth with it. Jehane von Bruxa enchants the smoke that comes from the broth until it starts to glow in a fluorescent greenish colour. Jehane von Bruxa speaks the Words of Summoning and summons a horrendous smoke spirit in the greenish glow. Jehane von Bruxa luckily manages to bind the spirit and thus prevent the destruction of herself and her surroundings. Jehane orders the smoke spirit to put on a kettle and make her a cup of tea, with three lumps of sugar, mind you! The smoke spirit hurries to obey.
- Wee Morticia Frump's Elemental Apple Tree
Wee Morticia Frump says: My trick is called <b>Elemental Apple Tree</b>. It uses an apple seed. Wee Morticia Frump digs a small hole with her hand and plants an apple seed in the earth. Wee Morticia Frump mutters something mystical but incomprehensible. Wee Morticia Frump squints at a passing rain cloud. A brief cloudburst waters the freshly planted seed. Wee Morticia Frump continues to mutter mystical incantations. Wee Morticia Frump stamps her foot and the ground trembles as a young sapling shoots up into the air. You marvel as it grows into a mature apple tree in just seconds. Wee Morticia Frump hums softly and a delicate blossom appears and quickly ripens into a perfect fire red apple. As you reach for the delicious prize, the entire tree crumbles to dust before your eyes and is blown away on the wind. Morticia nods knowingly at you. At that moment you realise that all beauty and wisdom and wealth and power are but fleeting things, for one day you too will be nothing but dust.
Winners
The judging panel eventually decided that Nanna Jehane von Bruxa was the winner came in second place (behind Granny Weatherwax, of course).
Wee Morticia Frump triumphed in the fruitbat beauty contest, however:
This is Pubert, a fruitbat that Morticia Frump has summoned to do her bidding. Her eyelashes are long and black, her eyes are outlined in black, her nails are painted glossy black and her lips are a matte black. Wearing : a pair of jet black spider silk slippers, a pair of black lace wing cosies, a midnight black velvet gown and a moonlight coloured gossamer silk scarf.
