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Umiven (contributions | skills | finger | achievements)


Umiven the witch
Umiven ready to skewer rude fools with her Seastick

Name(s): Umiven Ultion
Soul name: Tullavorep
Origins: Umiven was born in Ankh Morpork.
First Login: Tue Jan 19 10:31:20 2016
Race & Gender: Human Female
Adress: 10b Cheesemongers Yard, Ankh-Morpork
Club Memberships: Apex Club, Benelux, HAGS, Tshop Spotters, QMA, Witch Life Fund
Citizenships:Ankh-Morpork, Ephebe, and the Agatean Empire
Armor: None, clothes look much better on her. Besides, a witch should not be touched in the first place!
Weapons & Tactics: Polearm & Parry. Ripostes from her Seastick (darkened trident) means more punishment.
Title: Kareen Umiven Ultion the Witch, Member of the Apex Club, Frenzied Jezebel of House Fang, Unmistakable, Unyielding, Uncobbled.


You see Kareen Umiven Ultion the Witch, Member of the Apex Club, Mental Minx of House Fang, Unmistakable, Unyielding, Uncobbled.
She is a foul figure of a woman, but a fine figure of a hag.
Why are you looking at a witch?  You should be ashamed of yourself!  Didn't your mother teach you any manners?  Best avert your gaze before you loose more than just your nose.  What?  You really want to know?  Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you.  She has a pale and smooth face (apart from all the warts).  Her lips are bright red and tightly sealed, which you'd like to keep that way.  She has long, unkempt, roman silvery hair.  Many branches and leafs are sticking out of her hair. You swear you just saw a hummingbird peak out for a second...  She has a sharp face with an even sharper chin.  Perhaps she uses them to sharpen her wit as well.  The back of her neck is full of scratch marks.  Better not to ask...  She has a clean scar going top to bottom of her sternum.  Could the rumours be true that she has no heart?  Her shoulder blades bulge strangely, as if devil's wings could sprout at any time.  There are strechmarks all over her stomach.  Her arms are scrawny, yet can pack a punch with the right motivation.  She has small, callused hands.  You feel like you should offer her any and all help.  Her legs are unshaven and full of small black hairs.  Her feet have sharp, pointed nails.  You realise you'd best steer clear of her, lest she steps on your feet and cuts you.  You wouldn't dare look straight into her eyes.
She is in good shape.
She is standing.
You can't help but notice thirty-two warts upon her face.
She has Guardian Imp floating around her.
There is a soft glow of beauty to her features.
Tiny violet stars seem to twinkle on her skin.
A red and green frog sits on her shoulder.
A blood red moon dragon is perched on her shoulder.
A plague of vicious-looking assassin bugs is slowly circling around her.
She looks rather warm.


Her forehead has "If you can read this, it's too late" tattooed on it.
Her head has occult symbols tattooed on it.
The skin around her left eye and the skin around her right eye have permanent octarine eye shadow tattooed on them.
Her left cheek and her right cheek have a mystical symbol tattooed on them.
Her neck has a spiderweb tattooed on it.
Her throat has a spider tattooed on it.
Her chest has Umiven’s family tree tattooed on it.
Her left breast has "Got Milk?" tattooed on it.
Her right breast has "Self Service" tattooed on it.
Her abdomen has a huge cabbage patch tattooed on it.
Her navel has a crystal ball tattooed on it.
Her left shoulder has various herbs and mushrooms tattooed on it.
Her right shoulder has a boiling cauldron tattooed on it.
Her back has the lyrics of the Hedgehog song tattooed on it.
Her lower back has a giant rose bush tattooed on it.
The small of her back has "Proudly sponsored by Harry King" tattooed on it.
Her left arm has various potion recipes tattooed on it.
Her right arm has many giant fruitbats tattooed on it.
Her left wrist has a kill count tattooed on it.
Her right wrist has a chain of caroc cards tattooed on it.
Her left hand has a miniature Disc map tattooed on it.
Her right hand has the Seamstresses' Guild emblem tattooed on it.
Her left palm has "KINDNESS" tattooed on it.
Her right palm has "LOVE" tattooed on it.
Her left knuckles have "STAY" tattooed on them.
Her right knuckles have "CALM" tattooed on them.
Her left hip has a list of services and prices tattooed on it.
Her right hip has Casanunda’s stamp of approval tattooed on it.
Her left buttock has a portrait of a wizard tattooed on it.
Her right buttock has the Morporkian code of law tattooed on it.
Her left thigh has "Place right ear here to smell the Ankh" tattooed on it.
Her right thigh has "putting the ‘itch’ in witch" tattooed on it.
Her left leg has an iron broom tattooed on it.
Her right leg has a darkened trident tattooed on it.
Her left kneecap and her right kneecap have sea serpent scales tattooed on them.
Her left ankle has a red and green frog tattooed on it.
Her right ankle has a black cat tattooed on it.
Her left foot and her right foot have a bunch of Nac Mac Feegles tattooed on them.
“People think that stories are shaped by people. In fact, it's the other way around.” ― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad


S     E     R   R V   V   I   CC    E     S    
    S E     R  R   V V    I   CC    E         S

free for fellow witches
50% discount for characters aged 3 days or younger

- Bonding: A50/item
- Deliveries: "refer witch delivery service"
- Deluding: A100/item
- Enchanting (Lvl 4): A100/item
- Splinting: A50/leg
- Teas {BWB 350}: price depends on the volume

All prices are non-negotiable and can be paid in local equivalent.  I will retain each item until the requested service(s) has been paid for in full.  If you need any of these services, give me a tell, stand outside somewhere safe, and I'll fly to you as soon as possible.
“You know I’ve always wanted a paperless office—” ― Terry Pratchett, The Truth

Quests & Goals

Quests & Goals



If you want to help me complete any of these quests, please give me a tell.



[x] Brew every potion
[x] Get all primaries to 300
[x] Get all squints
[x] Mock properly
[x] Make tricks
[x] Splint legs
[x] Get all commands
[x] All languages to 90
[x] Iron broomstick
[x] Complete hedgehog song
[x] P-house


[ ] Figure out horses + get all related commands
[ ] Complete all quests
[ ] Find ways to add more alliterations to my name
“He put more effort into avoiding work than most people put into hard labor.” ― Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures




These plugins were made for MUSHClient. They were made by me with the best of intentions. I want to share them with others so these might help them as well the same way they help me. I hope these do not violate any rules regarding scripting and automation.
If you experience issues, or have ideas for other functionality that could be incorporated in the plugin, please let me know.

Bank Tracker


Keeps track of the amount of money in every bank. To use this plugin, go to each bank and get the 'balance'.
You can recall every visited bank’s balance by using 'bank' or 'banks'. This will give you an overview of every bank, the amount in it and a total across all bank accounts.
You can also deposit half of your purse's contents by looking at your 'inventory' and then using 'deposithalf'. This can be useful when you want to split your money evenly between banks.
WARNING: The new version uses json to store the bank information instead a custom method. If you are upgrading from a previous version, make sure you use 'bankreset' to reset the already stored information. You will have to visit every bank again to get the balance.

Vault Tracker


Requires Cowbar to work
Keeps track of the all items in your vaults. To use this plugin, go to each vault and look at the items in each vault. The items will then be stored per vault.
'vault' or 'vaults': Displays an overview of vaults with the option to show its contents (if there is any stored).
'vault <item>' or 'vaults <item>' returns all vaults that contains the specified item.
'vaultall' or 'vaultsall' gives you a complete list of all items stored across all of your vaults.

Witch Helper


This plugin contains many triggers for witch related events such as:

  • Bugshield quantity changes
  • Enchantment levels
  • Delude stages
  • Fruitbat actions

It also includes an interactive version of the fly-to plugin. To use it, type "flyto" or "flyto <city name>"

“She was already learning that if you ignore the rules people will, half the time, quietly rewrite them so that they don't apply to you.” ― Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites



Below are some guides for the different roles during sailing missions based on my personal experiences and practices. These are meant to lower the bar of entry and to be a starting point for newer sailors.
If any of this information is out-of-date or plain wrong, feel free to let me know.

“The disc, being flat, has no real horizon. Any adventurous sailor who got funny ideas from staring at eggs and oranges for too long and set out for the antipodes soon learned that the reason why distant ships sometimes looked as though they were disappearing over the edge of the world was that they were disappearing over the edge of the world.” ― Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic

Aliases & Nicknames

My aliases | My nicknames


My research