View source for User:Umiven

[[User:Umiven|Umiven]] ([[Special:Contributions/Umiven|contributions]] | [https://discworldskills.com/Umiven/all skills] | [http://discworld.starturtle.net/lpc/secure/finger.c?player=umiven finger] | [http://discworld.starturtle.net/lpc/secure/achievements.c?player=Umiven achievements])
== Bio ==
{|class="wikitable mw-collapsible" style="width:100%;"
! width="800" | Umiven the [[witch]]
|-
| [[File:Umiven.jpg|250px|thumb|right|<center>[[User:Umiven|Umiven]] ready to skewer rude fools with her Seastick]]</center>
'''Name(s):''' Umiven Ultion
<br>'''Origins:''' Umiven was born in Ankh Morpork. 
<br>'''First Login:''' Tue Jan 19 10:31:20 2016
<br>'''Race & Gender:''' Human Female
<br>'''Club Memberships:''' 
<br>'''Armor:''' None, clothes look much better on her.  Besides, a witch should not get touched in the first place!
<br>'''Weapons & Tactics:''' Polearm & Parry.  Ripostes from her Seastick (darkened trident) means more punishment.
<br>'''Title:''' Kareen Umiven Ultion the Witch, Member of the Apex Club, Mental Minx of House Fang, Unmistakable, Unyielding, Uncobbled.

== Appearance ==
<pre>
You see Kareen Umiven Ultion the Witch, Member of the Apex Club, Mental Minx of House Fang, Unmistakable, Unyielding, Buxom Winch.
She is a foul figure of a woman, but a fine figure of a hag.
Why are you looking at a witch so lustfully?  You should be ashamed of yourself!  Didn't your mother teach you any manners?  Best avert your gaze before you loose more than just your nose.  What?  You really want to know?  Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you.  She has a pale and smooth face (apart from all the warts).  Her lips are tightly sealed, which you'd like to keep that way.  She has long, unkempt, roman silvery hair. Many branches and leaves are sticking out of her hair. You swear you just saw a hummingbird enter it... The back of her neck is full of scratch marks.  Better not to ask...  There are stretchmarks all over her stomach. Her arms are scrawny, yet can pack a punch with the right motivation. She has small, callused hands.  You feel like you should offer her any and all help.  Her legs are unshaven and full of small black hairs. Her feet have sharp, pointed nails. You realise you'd best steer clear of them. Her eyes? Ooh no, you wouldn't dare look straight into her eyes.
She is in good shape.
She is standing.
You can't help but notice thirty warts upon her face.
She has Guardian Imp floating around her.
There is a soft glow of beauty to her features.
Tiny violet stars seem to twinkle on her skin.
A red and green frog sits on her shoulder.
An ivory moon dragon is perched on her shoulder.
A plague of huge, shiny black elephant beetles is buzzing noisily around her.
</pre>
=== Tattoos ===
<pre>
Her forehead has "If you can read this, it's too late" tattooed on it.
Her head has occult symbols tattooed on it.
The skin around her left eye and the skin around her right eye have permanent octarine eye shadow tattooed on them.
Her left cheek and her right cheek have a mystical symbol tattooed on them.
Her neck has a spiderweb tattooed on it.
Her throat has a spider tattooed on it.
Her chest has Umiven’s family tree tattooed on it.
Her left breast has "Got Milk?" tattooed on it.
Her right breast has "Self Service" tattooed on it.
Her abdomen has a huge cabbage patch tattooed on it.
Her navel has a crystal ball tattooed on it.
Her left shoulder has various herbs and mushrooms tattooed on it.
Her right shoulder has a boiling cauldron tattooed on it.
Her back has the lyrics of the Hedgehog song tattooed on it.
Her lower back has a giant rose bush tattooed on it.
The small of her back has "Proudly sponsored by Harry King" tattooed on it.
Her left arm has various potion recipes tattooed on it.
Her right arm has many giant fruitbats tattooed on it.
Her left wrist has a kill count tattooed on it.
Her right wrist has a chain of caroc cards tattooed on it.
Her left hand has a miniature Disc map tattooed on it.
Her right hand has the Seamstresses' Guild emblem tattooed on it.
Her left palm has "KINDNESS" tattooed on it.
Her right palm has "LOVE" tattooed on it.
Her left knuckles have "STAY" tattooed on them.
Her right knuckles have "CALM" tattooed on them.
Her left hip has a list of services and prices tattooed on it.
Her right hip has Casanunda’s stamp of approval tattooed on it.
Her left buttock has a portrait of a wizard tattooed on it.
Her right buttock has the Morporkian code of law tattooed on it.
Her left thigh has "Place right ear here to smell the Ankh" tattooed on it.
Her right thigh has "putting the ‘itch’ in witch" tattooed on it.
Her left leg has an iron broom tattooed on it.
Her right leg has a darkened trident tattooed on it.
Her left kneecap and her right kneecap have sea serpent scales tattooed on them.
Her left ankle has a red and green frog tattooed on it.
Her right ankle has a black cat tattooed on it.
Her left foot and her right foot have a bunch of Nac Mac Feegles tattooed on them.
</pre>
|-
| <center><small>''“People think that stories are shaped by people. In fact, it's the other way around.”'' ― Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad</small></center>
|}

== Services ==
{|class="wikitable mw-collapsible" style="width:100%;"
! width="800" | Services
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|
<pre>
  .------------------------------------------------------------.
 /  .-.        ____ ____ ____ _  _ _ ____ ____ ____        .-.  \ 
|  /   \       [__  |___ |__/ |  | | |    |___ [__        /   \  |
| |\_.  |      ___] |___ |  \  \/  | |___ |___ ___]      |    /| |
|\|  | /|                                                |\  | |/|
\ `---' |------------------------------------------------| `---' /
 \     /              free for fellow witches             \     /
  `---' 50% discount for characters aged 3 days or younger `---'

- Amalgamating (up to 4): A$20/added badge
- Bonding: A$50/item
- Deliveries: "refer witch delivery service"
- Deluding: A$100/item
- Enchanting (Lvl 4): A$100/item
- Splinting: A$50/leg
- Teas {BWB 323}: price depends on the volume; for more info, ask me via a tell or read the board in the Illuminated Teapot
I might be able to enchant up to level 5 and amalgamate 5 badges.  Doing so will incur addition preparation time and an additional cost.

All prices are non-negotiable and can be payed in local equivalent.  I will retain each item until the requested service(s) has been paid for in full.  If you need any of these services, give me a tell, stand outside, and I'll fly to you as soon as possible.  If you are in a dangerous area, include that in your tell.
</pre>
|-
| <center><small>''“You know I’ve always wanted a paperless office—”'' ― Terry Pratchett, The Truth</small></center>
|}

== Quests & Goals ==
{|class="wikitable mw-collapsible" style="width:100%;"
! width="800" | Quests & Goals
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|
=== Quests ===
Abuser of Bugs, Azure, Barbarian Hero, Catchy Rescuer, Competent Banisher, Crypt Robber, Demon Squeezer, Djelian Warrior Champion, Hatched Out, Homarus Hugger, Maestro, Private Detective, Radiant Adventurer, Scraps Mender, Superior Sportsman, Tree Hugger, Veteran Explorer, Wielder of Klangs
<br>If you want to help me complete any of these quests, please give me a tell.

=== Goals ===
==== Completed ====
<pre>
[x] Brew every potion
[x] Get all primaries to 300
[x] Get all squints
[x] Mock properly
[x] Make tricks
[x] Plint legs
[x] Get all commands
[x] All languages to 90
</pre>

==== Uncompleted ====
<pre>
[ ] Complete hedgehog song
[ ] Figure out horses + get all related commands
[ ] Complete all quests
[ ] P-house
[ ] Iron broomstick
</pre>
|-
| <center><small>''“He put more effort into avoiding work than most people put into hard labor.”'' ― Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures</small></center>
|}

== Aliases & Nicknames ==
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[[User:Umiven/Aliases|My aliases]] | [[User:Umiven/Nicknames|My nicknames]]