Difference between revisions of "User:Tabs"

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(New quota)
m (Sung: Clarify location of vase.)
 
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[http://discworld.atuin.net/lpc/secure/finger.c?player=tabs Me.]
+
[http://discworld.starturtle.net/lpc/secure/finger.c?player=tabs Me.]
  
 
Welcome to Tabs' extra-long page of bandwidth-consuming goodness.
 
Welcome to Tabs' extra-long page of bandwidth-consuming goodness.
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[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DiscworldMUD TV Tropes page.]
 
[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DiscworldMUD TV Tropes page.]
  
==New quota==
+
==Dangerous rooms (and not because of NPCs or weather)==
 +
*Northernmost part of Voodoo Lane in [[Genua]] has these... spirits. Or something. They are angry at you for some reason, and will periodically "claw at your chest" or the like, which does about 250 hp damage. But it happens pretty rarely, although random, so you'll probably heal before you're attacked again.
 +
*The western pier on Tuna Walk. The one with 3 rooms instead of 2. The last room is very unstable and may drop you into the ocean.
 +
 
 +
==New quota (researching)==
 
New quotas don't always automatically begin. Say, you checked your quota and read that you have 30 seconds left. Then you leave the computer to eat a snack, and when you return and read your license, you find that your quota has just begun. Aside from checking it after the last quota has ended, a new quota begins when:
 
New quotas don't always automatically begin. Say, you checked your quota and read that you have 30 seconds left. Then you leave the computer to eat a snack, and when you return and read your license, you find that your quota has just begun. Aside from checking it after the last quota has ended, a new quota begins when:
 
*You steal something
 
*You steal something
*You do ''something'' near the Thieves' Guild. Perhaps stand outside on the Street of Alchemists just as the new quota begins?
+
*You walk through the entrance of the Thieves' Guild
*You quit the game
+
*You quit the game (sometimes?)
 
*You advance
 
*You advance
 
*You enter the 8-way
 
*You enter the 8-way
 +
*You idle in the Shonky Shop
 +
Only use in desperation.
  
==Advice from a cat==
 
(good gods, it has a lot to say, this isn't all of it.)
 
 
Find any excuse to run up and down the stairs dementedly.
 
<br>Never take a nap in a parked car - you may wake up and find yourself being carried off to a faraway place.
 
<br>Stay out of open windows during thunderstorms.
 
<br>Stay out of car engines[1].
 
<br>Always clean between your toes.
 
<br>Let your emotions get the best of you sometimes.
 
<br>Don't be fooled by cat furniture - tiny beds, cramped baskets, etc. - sold in pet shops. Human furniture is always more plush and comfortable.
 
<br>Keep your tail away from stoves, candles, lit cigarettes, automatic dishwasher doors, children, rocking chairs and dogs. God only gave you one tail - take good care of it.
 
<br>Never chew on electrical cords or wires.[2]
 
<br>Surprise someone by hiding in the laundry basket.
 
<br>Never retract your claws completely, except with your very best friends.
 
<br>Be winsome.
 
<br>Never try to be something you're not.
 
<br>Avoid second-hand cigarette smoke.
 
<br>Never let anyone dye your hair a funny colour or give you a trendy haircut.
 
<br>Roll in the dirt once a week to maintain a healthy and beautiful coat.
 
<br>Refuse to tolerate being locked out of the bedroom for any reason whatsoever.
 
<br>Sleeping in the sunlight is often the best medicine for whatever ails you.
 
<br>Avoid chewing on pens or pencils; the ink and lead could poison you.
 
 
[1]Engine?
 
[2]And what is this electricity of which you speak?
 
 
==Barry the cornflake==
 
Woops, looks like someone else already logged it. http://pastie.org/222297.txt
 
  
 
==Kess of Sek says stuff==
 
==Kess of Sek says stuff==
Line 104: Line 82:
  
 
===Lynched Liam===
 
===Lynched Liam===
... Whatever!
+
(Two) Sokkard wisps: ... Whatever!
<br>I went down to Morpork and saw Dibbler
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: I went down to Morpork and saw Dibbler
<br>He was, like, Sausage, Guv?
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: He was, like, Sausage, Guv?
<br>And I was, like, Whatever!
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: And I was, like, Whatever!
<br>Then this troll comes up to me and she's all, like,
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Then this troll comes up to me and she's all, like,
<br>Hey, aren't you that Sokkard??
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Hey, aren't you that Sokkard??
<br>And I'm, like, Yeah, whatever!
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: And I'm, like, Yeah, whatever!
<br>So later I'm at the Mended Drum
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: So later I'm at the Mended Drum
<br>And this witch comes up
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: And this witch comes up
<br>And she's, like, Wotcher!
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: And she's, like, Wotcher!
<br>And I'm, like, Yeah, whatever!
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: And I'm, like, Yeah, whatever!
<br>'Cuz this is my
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: 'Cuz this is my
<br>Ankh-Mor-pork of Whatever!
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Ankh-Mor-pork of Whatever!
<br>And this is my
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: And this is my
<br>Ankh-Mor-pork of Whatever!
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Ankh-Mor-pork of Whatever!
<br>And this is my
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: And this is my
<br>Ankh-Mor-pork of Whatever!
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Ankh-Mor-pork of Whatever!
<br>And then it's three A.M.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: And then it's three A.M.
<br>And I'm in the Shades, wearing my leather
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: And I'm in the Shades, wearing my leather
<br>This 'sasswot comes up and he's, like, Hey, punk!
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: This 'sasswot comes up and he's, like, Hey, punk!
<br>I'm, like, Yeah, whatever!
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: I'm, like, Yeah, whatever!
<br>Then I'm spamming, on (two)
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Then I'm spamming, on (two)
<br>Captain Carrot comes up and is, like,
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Captain Carrot comes up and is, like,
<br>'Hey, I thought I told you...'
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: 'Hey, I thought I told you...'
<br>And I'm, like, Yeah, whatever!
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: And I'm, like, Yeah, whatever!
<br>And then up comes Ilik
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: And then up comes Ilik
<br>I'm, like, Yo, Ilik. What's up?
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: I'm, like, Yo, Ilik. What's up?
<br>He's, like, Nothin'
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: He's, like, Nothin'
<br>And I'm, like, That's cool.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: And I'm, like, That's cool.
<br>'Cuz this is my,
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: 'Cuz this is my,
<br>Ankh-Mor-pork of Whatever!
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Ankh-Mor-pork of Whatever!
<br>And this is my,
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: And this is my,
<br>Ankh-Mor-pork of Whatever!
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Ankh-Mor-pork of Whatever!
  
 
===Lappet Faced Worriers===
 
===Lappet Faced Worriers===
On the dark Lancre highway, Blue frogs in my hair
+
(Two) Sokkard wisps that he cheers wildly.
<br>One smell of the swamp gas, Drifting up through the air
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps that he gets a dusty guitar from who knows where...
<br>Up ahead in the gloomy, I saw a wibbily light
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps that he starts strumming a slow but catchy tune...
<br>My backpack heavy, and my rations slim
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: And now, Hotel CMOT Dibbler...
<br>I had to camp for the night
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: On the dark Lancre highway, Blue frogs in my hair
<br>There was Gran in the doorway, I heard our Nanny yell
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: One smell of the swamp gas, Drifting up through the air
<br>And I was thinking to myselves, This could be pizza but what is that smell?
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Up ahead in the gloomy, I saw a wibbily light
<br>Then she lit up a lantern, And she showed me the way
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: My backpack heavy, and my rations slim
<br>There were Wizards in the corridor
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: I had to camp for the night
<br>I thought I heard them say
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: There was Gran in the doorway, I heard our Nanny yell
<br>Welcome to the hotel C-mot-Dibb-ler
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: And I was thinking to myselves, This could be pizza but what is that smell?
<br>Such a lively place
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Then she lit up a lantern, And she showed me the way
<br>Such a lively place...
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: There were Wizards in the corridor
<br>Stare death in the face
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: I throught I heard them say
<br>Plenty of room at the hotel C-mot-Dibb-ler
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Welcome to the hotel C-mot-Dibb-ler
<br>All the food is dear
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Such a lively place
<br>All the food is dear...
+
<br>(Two) Ilik wisps: Such a lively place...
<br>You can buy tea here
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Stare death in the face
<br>Her brain is definitely hive mind, She's got the broomstick again
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Plenty of room at the hotel C-mot-Dibb-ler
<br>She's got a lot of very handy spells, And some witchy friends
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: All the food is dear
<br>Now the thieves in the plaza, Steal shiny treats
+
<br>(Two) Ilik wisps: All the food is dear...
<br>Some thieve for the quota, Some thieve to the beat
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: You can buy tea here
<br>So I talked with the Captain, Head of family Vimes
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Her brain is definitely hive mind, She's got the broomstick again
<br>He said..
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: She's got a lot of very handy spells, And some witchy friends
<br>We haven't used any logic here since, the beginning of time.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Now the thieves in the plaza, Steal shiny treats
<br>And still those Wizards are chanting from far away
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Some thieve for the quota, Some thieve to the beat
<br>Casting runes in the middle of the night
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: So I talked with the Captain, Head of family Vimes
<br>Just to hear me say
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: He said..
<br>Welcome to the hotel C-mot-Dibb-ler
+
<br>(Two) Ilik wisps: We haven't used any logic here since, the beginning of time.
<br>Such a lively place
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: And still those Wizards are chanting from far away
<br>Such a lively place...
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Casting runes in the middle of the night
<br>Stare death in the face
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Just to hear me say
<br>They're livin' it up at the Hotel C-mot-Dibb-ler
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Welcome to the hotel C-mot-Dibb-ler
<br>What a nice sunrise
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Such a lively place
<br>What a nice sunrise...
+
<br>(Two) Ilik wisps: Such a lively place...
<br>Watch the fireflies
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Stare death in the face
<br>Fruitbats on the ceiling, They drink scumble on ice
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: They're livin' it up at the Hotel C-mot-Dibb-ler
<br>And she said We are all just fictional beings
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: What a nice sunrise
<br>Of our own device, And in the bursar's chambers
+
<br>(Two) Ilik wisps: What a nice sunrise...
<br>They womble like a beast, They pragi with their victims eyes
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Watch the fireflies
<br>But they just can't cook the feast
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Fruitbats on the ceiling, They drink scumble on ice
<br>Last thing I remember
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: And she said We are all just fictional beings
<br>I was rolling on the floor
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Of our own device, And in the Bursar's chambers
<br>I had to find the portal back to the beer I drunk before
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: They womble like a beast, They pragi with their victims eyes
<br>Relax said the Sek priest, We are bursting to relieve
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: But they just can't cook the feast
<br>You eat here any time you like, And catch a bad disease!
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Last thing I remember, I was rolling on the floor
 +
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: I had to find the portal back to the beer I drunk before
 +
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Relax said the Sek priest, We are bursting to relieve
 +
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: You can eat here any time you like, And catch a bad disease!
  
 
===Patricienne===
 
===Patricienne===
Is this the real life?
+
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Is this the real life?
<br>Is this just fantasy?
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Is this just fantasy?
<br>Cori Celesti,
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Cori Celesti,
<br>Heading down to reality.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Heading down to reality.
<br>Wandering by,
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Wandering by,
<br>The Womble, she cried at me
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: The Womble, she cried at me
<br>I'm just a newbie, Plz will u group with me?
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: I'm just a newbie, Plz will u group with me?
<br>Because I'm without guild, without gold,
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Because I'm without guild, without gold,
<br>Unfulfilled, uncontrolled
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Unfulfilled, uncontrolled,
<br>Mind which way the wind blows,
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Mind which way the wind blows,
<br>I can smell Ankh-Morpork from here,
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: I can smell Ankh Morpork from here,
<br>From here.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: From here.
<br>Mummy, just killed a dog.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Mummy, just killed a dog.
<br>Found a dagger in the street.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Found a dagger in the street,
<br>Started fighting, now he's meat.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Started fighting, now he's meat.
<br>Mummy, I'd just left the Drum,
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Mummy, I'd just left the Drum,
<br>But stabbing things came naturally to me.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: But stabbing things came naturally to me.
<br>Mummy, ooooooooh,
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Mummy, ooooooooh,
<br>Didn't mean to make him die,
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Didn't mean to make him die,
<br>The poor thing won't be back again tomorrow.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: The poor thing won't be back again tomorrow.
<br>I'll be gone, I'll be gone.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: I'll be gone, I'll be gone.
<br>But it doesn't really matter.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: But it doesn't really matter.
<br>Too late, my time had come.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Too late, my time had come.
<br>Met a guy WHO TALKED LIKE THIS,
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Met a guy WHO TALKED LIKE THIS,
<br>Those old ladies didn't miss :(
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Those old ladies didn't miss :(
<br>Goodbye, everybody, I've got to go,
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Goodbye, everybody, I've got to go,
<br>Gotta POPPADOM with DEATH, and face the truth.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Gotta POPPADOM with DEATH, and face the truth.
<br>Mummy, oooooooooh,
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Mummy, ooooooooooh,
<br>I don't want to die
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: I don't want to die
<br>But I'm a ghost, my corpse is lost, oh noooooooo....
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: But I'm a ghost, my corpse is lost, oh noooooooo....
<br>I see a bunch of little manic grinning dwarfs
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: I see a bunch of little manic grinning dwarfs
<br>What is this? What is this?
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: What is this? What is this?
<br>Now they dance a fandango!
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: I was only fighting! Now they're really frightening me!
<br>I was only fighting! Now they're really frightening me!
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: (Get a Pishite!) Contact Harry! (Get a Pishite!) Contact Harry!
<br>(Get a Pishite!) Contact Harry! (Get a Pishite!) Contact Harry!
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Get a Pishite and a res! Magnifico!
<br>Get a Pishite and a res! Magnifico!
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: t pishite I'm just a poor ghost, I've got no body.
<br>t Pishite I'm just a poor ghost, I've got no body.
+
<br>(Two) Althea wisps: He's just a poor ghost, got by old ladies
<br>He's just a poor ghost, got by old ladies
+
<br>(Two) Althea wisps: Give him his life! Junction Short and Filigree
<br>Give him his life! Junction Short and Filigree
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Now alive, killed again, watchman saw me go,
<br>Now alive, killed again, watchman saw me go,
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Car-rot says:
<br>Car-rot says:
+
<br>(Two) Carrot wisps: NO! We will not let you go!
<br>NO! We will not let you go!
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Let me go!
<br>Let me go!
+
<br>(Two) Carrot wisps: We will not let you go!
<br>We will not let you go!
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Let me go!
<br>Let me go!
+
<br>(Two) Carrot wisps: To the yard we go!
<br>To the yard we go!
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Let me go!
<br>Let me go!
+
<br>(Two) Carrot wisps: To the yard we go!
<br>To the yard we go!
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Let me go, oh, oh, oh
<br>Let me go, oh, oh, oh
+
<br>(Two) Carrot wisps: No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
<br>No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Oh Captain Carrot, Captain Carrot
<br>Oh, Captain Carrot, Captain Carrot
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Captain Carrot, Let me go!
<br>Captain Carrot Let me go!
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: The Constable has my weapons put aside for me,
<br>The Constable has my weapons put aside for me,
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: For me, for me!
<br>For me, for me!
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps that he does a little dance
<br>So you think you can catch me and paddle my hide?
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: So you think you can catch me and paddle my hide?
<br>So you think you can jail me and leave me inside?
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: So you think you can jail me and leave me inside?
<br>Oh, maybe, just this once will you jail me,
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Oh, maybe, just this once will you jail me,
<br>Just gotta get out, just gotta get right out of here!
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Just gotta get out, just gotta get right out of here!
<br>Nothing really matters,
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Nothing really matters,
<br>Anyone can see,
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Anyone can see,
<br>Idle with the talker,
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Idle with the talker,
<br>One and two are everything to me.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: One and two are everything to me.
<br>Smell which way the Ankh flows...
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Smell which way the Ankh flows...
  
 
===Enim Rac===
 
===Enim Rac===
Healing tea's gone weak, I'm
+
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Healing tea's gone weak, I'm wondering why I got out my warhammer at all,
<br>wondering why I got out my warhammer at all,
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: The Autumn fog clouds up my window and I can't see at all,
<br>The Autumn fog clouds up my window and I can't see at all,
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: And even if I could it'd all be grey, but with your head nailed to my wall,
<br>And even if I could it'd be a ll grey, but with your head nailed to my wall,
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad.
<br>It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Dear Ilik, I backstabbed you but you still ain't fallin',
<br>Dear Ilik, I backstabbed you but you sill ain't fallin;
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: I kebabed you twice back in autumn,
<br>I kebabbed you twice in the back in autumn,
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: You cannot have missed 'em
<br>You cannot have missed 'em
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: But anyways, DUCK it, what's been up man, how's Dogbolt-R?
<br>But anyways, DUCK it, what's been up man, how's Dogbolt-R?
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: My creator's evil too, corrupted by the power.
<br>My creator's evil too, corrupted by the power.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Oh, about the way you walk straight into ambushes? That's just dense!
<br>Oh, about the way you walk straight into ambushes? That's just dense!
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: I read about your partner Clarence too, I'm not that sorry.
<br>I read about your partner Clarence too, I'm not that sorry.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: I tried to kill him too, although that's another story .
<br>I tried to kill him too, although that's another story.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: I know you probably hear this every day, but I want to kill you if I can.
<br>I know you probably hear this every day, but I want to kill you if I can.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: I got a vault full of you body parts, man.
<br>I got a vault full of your body parts, man.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: I hope you choke soon, just before Sokkard's chat.
<br>I hope you choke soon, just before Sokkard's chat.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: This is Enim, your worst fan.
<br>This is Enim, your worst fan.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Dear Ilik, you still ain't dropped or absconded, I hope you have the chance.
<br>Dear Ilik, you still ain't dropped or absconded, I hope you have the chance.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: I ain't mad, it just makes me think theres no justice on the disc.
<br>I ain't mad, it just makes me think there's no justice on the disc.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: If you didn't want to talk to me outside the T-shop you didn't have to.
<br>If you didn't want to talk to me outside the T-shop you didn't have to.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: but you could have not stolen my brand new Retribution, thats just daft.
<br>But you could not have stolen my brand new Retribution, that's just daft.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: It was my dream to own that weapon, I worked my fingers to the bone.
<br>It was my dream to own that weapon, I worked my fingers to the bone.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: I worked in the blistering cold for the cash for fifty days and ya just stole it!
<br>I worked in the blistering cold for the cash for fifty days and ya just stole it!
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: I ain't that mad, but I just don't like bein' stole from.
<br>I ain't that mad, but I just don't like bein' stole from.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: I've gone and framed you with Chyrophrase, the troll don.
<br>I've gone and framed you with Chryophrase, the troll don.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: You'd better watch yer back. See, I'm just like you in a way.
<br>you'd better watch your back. See I'm just like you in a way.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: I want to see yer dead.
<br>I want to see yer dead.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: I want to place a contract on yer head.
<br>I want to place a contract on yer head.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Cause I don't got much else to do.
<br>Cause I don't got much else to do.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: No-one hates you more than me, Ilik, no one does.
<br>No one hates you more than me, Ilik, no one does.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: They just dont know how annoying you've been while I was growing up.
<br>They just don't know how annoying you've been while I was growing up.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: I've gotta kill you man. I'll get so many fans, you be the only one to lose.
<br>I've gotta kill you man. I'll have so many fans, you be the only one to lose.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Sincerely yours, your worst fan. PS: I should kill Nadow too.
<br>Sincerely yours, your worst fan. PS: I should kill Nadow too.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Dear Mr. 'I'm too good to die',
<br>Dear Mr. 'I'm too good to die',
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: This'll be the last exploding package I ever send your sorry donkey.
<br>This'll be the last exploding package I ever send your sorry donkey.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: It's been six months and still no death. I don't deserve it?
<br>It's been six months and still no death. I don't deserve it?
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: I know you got my last two letterbombs, I fixed the fuses on 'em perfect.
<br>I know you got my last to letterbombs, I fixed the fuses on 'em perfect.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: So this is my iconoimp I'm sending you. I hope you hear it.
<br>So this is my iconoimp I'm sending you. I hope you hear it.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: I'm in the cart right now. I'm doing 50 on Upper Broadway.
<br>I'm in the cart right now. I'm doing 50 on Upper Broadway.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Hey Ilik, I drank a pint of scumble, ya dare me to drive?
<br>Hey Ilik, I drank a pint of scumble, ya dare me to drive?
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: You heard the rumour by Sokkard?
<br>You heard the rumor by Sokkard?
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: That some guy fitting yer description was seen?
<br>That some guy fitting yer description was seen?
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Putting a contract on me by the Lancre Queen?
<br>Putting a contract on me by the Lancre Queen?
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Thats just sick man, I spent 5000 dollars on snuffing out yer life.
<br>That's just sick man, I spent 5000 dollars on snuffing out yer life.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it.
<br>You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: See Ilik,
<br>See Ilik,
+
<br>(Two) Anarual wisps that he screams.
<br>Shut up you, I'm trying to talk.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Shut up you, I'm trying to talk.
<br>Hey, Ilik, that's Anarual screaming in the trunk.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Hey Ilik, that's Anarual screaming in the trunk.
<br>Well, gotta go, I'm almost at Brass Bridge now.
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Well, gotta go, I'm almost at Brass Bridge now.
<br>Poot, I forgot, how am I supposed to send this imp out?
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Poot, I forgot, how am I supposed to send this imp out?
<br><screeching wheels, crashing sounds, cart splashes into the water>
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: <screeching wheels, crashing sounds, cart splashes into the water>
<br>Dear My Worst Fan, I meant to steal from you sooner, but I've just been busy.
+
<br>(Two) Ilik wisps: Dear My Worst Fan, I meant to steal from you sooner, but I've just been busy.
<br>You said you put a message bomb for me now, how large would you say it is?
+
<br>(Two) Ilik wisps: You said you put a message bomb for me now, how large would you say it is?
<br>Look, I'm really flattered you would try to kill me like that.
+
<br>(Two) Ilik wisps: Look, I'm really flattered you would try to kill me like that.
<br>And here's a box of fuses for your parcels: I sent it in this cardboard box.
+
<br>(Two) Ilik wisps: And here's a box of fuses for your parcels: I sent it in this cardboard box.
<br>I'm not that sorry I stole your Ret, I almost missed you.
+
<br>(Two) Ilik wisps: I'm not that sorry I stole your Ret, I almost missed you.
<br>I was coded this way to teach players to keep their money safe,
+
<br>(Two) Ilik wisps: I was coded this way to teach players to keep their money safe,
<br>You have to admit it's worked, you don't see that many rich newbies over the place.
+
<br>(Two) Ilik wisps: You have to admit its worked, you dont see that many rich newbies over the place.
<br>You got some issues, Fan, I think you need to take up something more healthy,
+
<br>(Two) Ilik wisps: You got some issues, Fan, I think you need to take up something more healthy,  
<br>Try alligator dentistry or jumping off some belfrey.
+
<br>(Two) Ilik wisps: Try alligator dentistry or leaping off some belfrey.
<br>Why are you so mad? Try to understand, I want to steal from you too.
+
<br>(Two) Ilik wisps: Why are you so mad? Try to understand, I want to steal from you too.
<br>I want you to let me take your royals and your warhammer too.
+
<br>(Two) Ilik wisps: I want you to let me take your royals and your warhammer too.
<br>I read about someone in the Green Slab last week, it made me laugh.
+
<br>(Two) Ilik wisps: I read about someone in the Green Slab last week, it made me laugh.
<br>Some troll was drunk and drove his cart over a bridge
+
<br>(Two) Ilik wisps: Some troll was drunk and drove his cart over a bridge
<br>And in the cart they founda dictoimp and it said who it was to.
+
<br>(Two) Ilik wisps: And in the cart they found a dictoimp and it said who it was to.
<br>Come to think about it... the name was Enim... it was you. HAHAHA!
+
<br>(Two) Ilik wisps: Come to think about it...the name was Enim...it was you. HAHAHA!
  
 
===Mellow Yellow Wahooni Fruits===
 
===Mellow Yellow Wahooni Fruits===
Line 380: Line 361:
  
 
===Orphans Impovision Workshop===
 
===Orphans Impovision Workshop===
Do, do de do de do, Do, do de do de do,
+
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Do, do de do de do, Do, do de do de do,
<br>Sunny Day
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Sunny Day
<br>Farmin' the prey away
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Farmin' the prey away
<br>On my way to where the blood is sweet
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: On my way to where the blood is sweet
<br>Can you tell me how to get,
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Can you tell me how to get,
<br>How to get to Filigree Street
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: How to get to Filigree Street
<br>Come and slay
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Come and slay
<br>Everything A-OK
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Everything A-OK
<br>Un-friendly neighbors there
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Un-friendly neighbours there
<br>That's where theres meat
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: That's where theres meat
<br>Can you tell me how to get
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Can you tell me how to get
<br>How to get the Filigree Street
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: How to get to Filigree Street
<br>It's a magic carpet ride
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: It's a magic carpet ride
<br>Every door will lockpick wide
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Every door will lockpick wide
<br>To happy people like you--
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: To happy people like you--
<br>Happy people to
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Happy people to
<br>put a sword through
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: put a sword through
<br>Sunny Day
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Sunny Day
<br>Farmin' the prey away
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Farmin' the prey away
<br>On my way to where the blood is sweet
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: On my way to where the blood is sweet
<br>Can you tell me how to get,
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Can you tell me how to get,
<br>How to get to Filigree Street...
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: How to get to Filigree Street...
<br>How to get to Filigree Street
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: How to get to Filigree Street
<br>How to get to...
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: How to get to...
  
 
===Newbie King===
 
===Newbie King===
Line 464: Line 445:
  
 
===The Boggles===
 
===The Boggles===
I heard you telling stories back on channel (Two)
+
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I heard you telling stories back on channel <br>(Two)
<br>Listening on in dread, I hoped it wasn't true
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Listening on in dread, I hoped it wasn't true
<br>Even ignore could not stop you from coming through
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Even ignore could not stop you from coming through
<br>Oh a oh!
+
<br>(Two) Ilik wisps: Oh a oh!
<br>The hapless subjects of your tale cried bastardry
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: The hapless subjects of your tale cried bastardry
<br>Said it was lies and said that you should surely flee
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Said it was lies and said that you should surely flee
<br>And then you went and told them lies all about me
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: And then you went and told them lies all about me
<br>Oh a oh!
+
<br>(Two) Ilik wisps: Oh a oh!
<br>Why me, your victim?
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Why me, your victim?
<br>Oh a oh!
+
<br>(Two) Ilik wisps: Oh a oh!
<br>What is your problem?
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: What is your problem?
<br>Somebody killed the storyteller
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Somebody killed the storyteller
<br>Somebody killed the storyteller
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Somebody killed the storyteller
<br>Kicked him wide and kicked him far
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Kicked him wide and kicked him far
<br>Oh a oh oh oh!
+
<br>(Two) Ilik wisps: Oh a oh oh oh!
<br>No-one could scry you, so we all searched high and low
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: No-one could scry you, so we all searched high and low
<br>Then someone found you wandering up Pleaders' Row
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Then someone found you wandering up Pleaders' Row
<br>And then you cut out halfway through your tale of woe
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: And then you cut out halfway through your tale of woe
<br>Oh a oh!
+
<br>(Two) Ilik wisps: Oh a oh!
<br>You went all quiet!
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: You went all quiet!
<br>Oh a oh!
+
<br>(Two) Ilik wisps: Oh a oh!
<br>Perhaps you died?
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Perhaps you died?
<br>Somebody killed the storyteller
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Somebody killed the storyteller
<br>Somebody killed the storyteller
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Somebody killed the storyteller
<br>His untrue lies are in the past, yes Sokkard has been hushed at last
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: His untrue lies are in the past, yes Sokkard has been hushed at last
<br>Oh a oh oh oh!
+
<br>(Two) Ilik wisps: Oh a oh oh oh!
<br>Oh a oh oh oh!
+
<br>(Two) Ilik wisps: Oh a oh oh oh!
<br>Somebody killed the storyteller
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Somebody killed the storyteller
<br>Somebody killed the storyteller
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Somebody killed the storyteller
<br>He's gone now till the next regen, and then we'll kill him once again
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: He's gone now till the next regen, and then we'll kill him once again
<br>Why can he not just take a hint? And like the Slab, put lies in print?
+
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Why can he not just take a hint? And like the Slab, put lies in print?
  
 
===The Hamlet Persons===
 
===The Hamlet Persons===
Line 590: Line 571:
 
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Yo, we outta here, can't touch this!
 
<br>(Two) Sokkard wisps: Yo, we outta here, can't touch this!
  
==Spells kept after dying==
+
==Notes on BP missions==
===Death 1===
+
There are different kinds of missions to do. To receive a mission and chit, go to the library of your family's estate and ask for a mission. This means you must have at least 60 in spoken Agatean. You can only get a new mission every half hour of online time from when you completed or failed the last one. If you lose your chit, you can ask for a new one. For most of the missions, a 200 bonus or a little less in the relevant skills is enough to succeed. (Manipulating the safe takes a bit more.) In order to read what the chit asks of you, I suggest at least 85 in written Agatean, but you'll need more than that for a certain mission.
* Kamikaze Oryctolagus Flammula
+
<p>The different kinds of missions are as follows:
* Collatrap's Instant Pickling Stick
+
*Compose a message – The chit will tell you to go to a specific room in an enemy house and "compose" a message. (You don't actually have to think of something to write.) This takes crafts.arts.calligraphy, and you need a brush and an open tin of paint. You cannot compose your message while there are family NPCs in the room, even if you're hiding.
* Fyodor's Nimbus of Porterage
+
*Manipulate a safe – You will have to go to a room in the house (for me, it was usually the finance room) and "reveal" a safe and then "manipulate" it several times. Revealing requires adventuring.perception to find the safe, while you'll need covert.lockpick.safes to manipulate it. You'll have to manipulate the safe several times, which takes an increasingly higher skillcheck. Return the chit when you're done. This may be a thief-only mission.
* Master Woddeley's Luminescent Companion
+
*Kidnap a pet – You are given a wooden cage along with the chit and have to look around another estate for the family's pet. "Kidnap"ping the pet uses crafts.hunting.trapping, and it's probably a good idea to leave the pet alone when there are other NPCs around. When you're finished, deposit the cage in your family estate's library (the room you received your mission).
 +
*Escort someone – A friend of your family will be in an eatery near the estate. Your mission is to find them and escort them back. "Enquire discreetly" when you are in the correct room, and the NPC will come out. You can tell them to follow you (they move slowly) or stay if you want to scout ahead, since a lot of ninja want them dead. You'll need skills in combat and adventuring.perception. Knowing how to heal and provide arcane protection or defending helps. Unfortunately, I've never completed this sort of mission, so other than what I've said, you're on your own.
 +
*Intercept someone – An enemy NPC is heading from one location to another. You are to intercept them so they don't reach their destination. As you travel, your contacts, in yellow text, will reveal the room the NPC is in. It appears that if you idle somewhere for a while, you will fail the mission. You'll likely need combat skills to stop them (the chit suggests killing them) and adventuring.perception to see them. You may also use covert.hiding.person and covert.stealth to ambush your opponent, since when you leave the room you attacked them in, they usually stop fighting. Sometimes they don't and ambush/backstab you instead.
 +
*Drown a traitor – This traitor/enemy will appear a few seconds after you're given your mission. The NPC will follow you (even it it's clear you're trying to get them killed!). The chit suggests you drown them. I'm not sure if other methods of ridding them works, but combat is not the way. You'll need skills in adventuring.movement.swimming, and since the only way I know how to drown someone is planting stuff on them until they're too burdened to swim upwards, covert.manipulation.passing and a maybe 30-some pound burden are helpful to have.
 +
*Alter information – The mission requires you to go to the strategy room or something like that in an enemy estate and "alter information". You'll need 90 or more in written Agatean in order to even read the plans. Some missions require adventuring.direction to alter maps.
 +
*Investigate somewhere – You are to go to to a certain room in an enemy estate and "investigate here/room". You'll need some adventuring.perception to succeed. When you complete the task, return the chit.</ul>
 +
*Take an artifact – An enemy family is acting like a bunch of stuffed peacocks. Your mission is to acquire a certain object. There are rooms within a family's estate that contain an item, usually not in plain sight, that you have to take. Sometimes the item is hidden on an object in the room description (so look around), sometimes it's in or on an object on the ground (it's the last thing you see when you "look" in a room), and sometimes it <i>is</i> the object on the ground. The objects are always in a fixed place, but this mission could be time-consuming if you don't know where to look, and even more so if the family guards want you dead.
 +
<br>List of rooms and artifacts (incomplete)
 +
 
 +
===Fang===
 +
A shrine dedicated to Fang family ancestors; silver horn on tatami mat
 +
<br>Fang family trophy room; crown in case
 +
<br>Fang family war room; crystal Katana of Woo in case
 +
<br>Room full of sleeping and snoring servants; goblet on table
 +
 
 +
===Hong===
 +
Art gallery of the Hongs; Hong Lotus on pedestal
 +
<br>Hong family library; snowglobe on desk
 +
<br>Hong family trophy room; Tengu’s Codex on pedestal
 +
<br>Hong war strategy room; helm on floor
 +
<br>Room that the Hongs use to worship their ancestors; kimono on shrine
 +
<br>Writing room of the Hongs; notepad and brush on desk
 +
 
 +
===McSweeney===
 +
Attic; McSweeney silver spoon on floor
 +
<br>Birdhouse; McSweeney haggis on shelf
 +
<br>Distillery; glass praying mantis on shelf
 +
<br>Lord McSweeney's office and financial headquarters; dentures on desk
 +
<br>Main tea room; humble calligraphy brush on table
 +
<br>Men’s dojo; decorative mace on floor
 +
<br>Men’s tea room; silver bell on table
 +
 
 +
===Sung===
 +
Lord Sung’s bedroom; back scratcher on floor
 +
<br>Meditation room; statuette on altar
 +
<br>Quiet studio; antique tapestry on floor
 +
<br>Sung family library: ancient Sung vase on shelf
 +
 
 +
===Tang===
 +
Crumbling balcony overlooking Tang Bay; sphere on floor
 +
<br>Drawing room in the Tang estate; Fabled Walking Stick on floor
 +
<br>Guest room; statue on dresser
 +
<br>Hallway outside the dining room; armour on floor
 +
<br>Tang treasury; stuffed crane on floor
 +
Tang trophy room; helmet on floor

Latest revision as of 21:38, 22 March 2014

Me.

Welcome to Tabs' extra-long page of bandwidth-consuming goodness.

TV Tropes page.

Dangerous rooms (and not because of NPCs or weather)

  • Northernmost part of Voodoo Lane in Genua has these... spirits. Or something. They are angry at you for some reason, and will periodically "claw at your chest" or the like, which does about 250 hp damage. But it happens pretty rarely, although random, so you'll probably heal before you're attacked again.
  • The western pier on Tuna Walk. The one with 3 rooms instead of 2. The last room is very unstable and may drop you into the ocean.

New quota (researching)

New quotas don't always automatically begin. Say, you checked your quota and read that you have 30 seconds left. Then you leave the computer to eat a snack, and when you return and read your license, you find that your quota has just begun. Aside from checking it after the last quota has ended, a new quota begins when:

  • You steal something
  • You walk through the entrance of the Thieves' Guild
  • You quit the game (sometimes?)
  • You advance
  • You enter the 8-way
  • You idle in the Shonky Shop

Only use in desperation.


Kess of Sek says stuff

To adventurers

An adventurer! How cute! Have you considered joining a real guild yet?

To assassins

(Black Widow) I hear that when girls from Black Widow House go out, their housemistress gives them a whistle to blow so that they can call for a real assassin if they run into anyone more dangerous than a student wizard.
(Black Widow) What skill that you learned in school do you think is going to help you the most later on? I'm guessing kneeling down in front of your teachers.
(Black Widow) What skill that you learned in school do you think is going to help you the most later on? I'm guessing learning to listen when someone worthwhile is speaking.
(Black Widow) What skill that you learned in school do you think is going to help you the most later on? I'm guessing pillow-fighting.
(Black Widow) What skill that you learned in school do you think is going to help you the most later on? I'm guessing being a bright and pretty face who knows better than to chase the illusion away by speaking.
(Black Widow) Have you come to finally fill the contract that someone took out on me? Oh, wait. You're not a real assassin. Well, maybe your boyfriend will try.
(Black Widow) Maybe someday you'll start having proper classes in your school. "How to Wear Black With Silver Hilights and Still Pretend that You're not a Witch," instead of "Applications of a Conlegium Sicariorum Degree in a Career as a Housewife." Maybe, but by the looks of you, you took the second kind of class.
(Black Widow) Maybe someday you'll start having proper classes in your school. "How to Wear Black with Silver Hilights and Still Pretend that You're not a Witch," instead of "Teas, Infusions and Cookies, how to Prepare Snacks for the Real Assassins." Maybe, but by the looks of you, you took the second kind of class.
(Black Widow) The official uniform of Black Widow House: Leather miniskirt, lace brassiere, silk stockings and a willingness to do things for money that most girls wouldn't do for love.
(Black Widow) So, are you going to try and kill me, or are you going to do what Black Widow House taught you and wait for a real assassin to try?

To priests

(Pishe) You claim your goddess is all sweetness and love. Why'd she charge me fifty-five royals for my last life if she's so nice?
(Pishe) You know what goes well with slight showers? A blood-soaked white robe.
(Pishe) Have you seen your little Althea around? I've got a few scores that I'd like to settle with her.
(Pishe) When you get to your waterpark next, tell that instructor of yours that I'm still waiting to get paid for services rendered.
(Sandelfon) I hear that Asaram got engaged to a troll. Says a rock's the nearest thing to marrying a corridor.
(Sek) Something about choosing the right god
(Sek) And something to do with schisms

To thieves

If you were half the thief that Ilik is, I wouldn't be able to see you.
Is it true that your guild had to hire Nicolette Levaux because no legitimate seamstress would touch any of you?
Tell me, was it mummy or daddy who sold you to the thieves guild?
How do you make a thief? Take an assassin, give him a wizard's sense of style, a witch's grasp on the Morporkian language and the bathing habits of a Krullian hydrophobe, then teach him to run from every fight.
Couldn't pass the entrance exam to become an assassin?
Too pathetic to become a criminal, aren't you. Have to have a gulid backing you rather than making your own way.
I heard that the only reason to join your guild is because you're too scared that the Watch might catch you. I wasn't sure about it, but you'd be the type to quiver in your boots every time you saw [name of well-known officer], wouldn't you?
I hear that in the woods, there's a secret safe containing all the lost treasures of Sto Helit. All you've got to do is find it and crack it.

To warriors

How cute. You can almost walk and breathe at the same time. Warriors must be evolving a little.
Warriors. Like golems, only half as hard and half as bright.
Did you think that maybe... Oh, my bad. I'm using the "T" word to a warrior.
Aww. Wonder if you're the warrior who's holding the brain cell today.

To witches

When you became a witch, was it because you realised that you were a failure as a godmother?
When you became a witch, was it because you realised that you were a failure as a {sic} apple seller?
I suppose I can see why someone like you would become a witch. Never go hungry, just squeeze your fruitbat.
Oh! Can you sing the hedgehog song for me? I haven't heard it in years.
I kind of like witches. Not the simple-minded rural talk or the crystals or the lace. Mostly that fruitbat hearts taste of cherries and melons.

To wizards

(female) Oh, a female wizard, how novel. Let me guess: Too much flab to ride a broom?
Say eight. I dare you.
You look like a tent, covered in sigils, carrying a staff without a knob on the end.
Wizards. Fa. Witches without self-confidence.
Shouldn't you be going? Est sumiti almost time pro your octavus-a-um meal of the day. (danged Morporkian)
Why did the wizard cross the road? The chicken kebabs across the street looked tasty.

Reboot songs, working on getting the entire log

(Two) Sokkard wisps: Right! Now what shall I sing? Something from Areyem, M C Mallet, Newbie King, Lynched Liam, The Hamlet Persons, Orphans Impovision Workshop, The Boggles, Patricienne, Lappet Faced Worriers, Mellow Yellow Wahooni Fruits or Enim Rac?

Lynched Liam

(Two) Sokkard wisps: ... Whatever!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I went down to Morpork and saw Dibbler
(Two) Sokkard wisps: He was, like, Sausage, Guv?
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And I was, like, Whatever!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Then this troll comes up to me and she's all, like,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Hey, aren't you that Sokkard??
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And I'm, like, Yeah, whatever!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: So later I'm at the Mended Drum
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And this witch comes up
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And she's, like, Wotcher!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And I'm, like, Yeah, whatever!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: 'Cuz this is my
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Ankh-Mor-pork of Whatever!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And this is my
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Ankh-Mor-pork of Whatever!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And this is my
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Ankh-Mor-pork of Whatever!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And then it's three A.M.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And I'm in the Shades, wearing my leather
(Two) Sokkard wisps: This 'sasswot comes up and he's, like, Hey, punk!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I'm, like, Yeah, whatever!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Then I'm spamming, on (two)
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Captain Carrot comes up and is, like,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: 'Hey, I thought I told you...'
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And I'm, like, Yeah, whatever!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And then up comes Ilik
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I'm, like, Yo, Ilik. What's up?
(Two) Sokkard wisps: He's, like, Nothin'
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And I'm, like, That's cool.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: 'Cuz this is my,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Ankh-Mor-pork of Whatever!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And this is my,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Ankh-Mor-pork of Whatever!

Lappet Faced Worriers

(Two) Sokkard wisps that he cheers wildly.
(Two) Sokkard wisps that he gets a dusty guitar from who knows where...
(Two) Sokkard wisps that he starts strumming a slow but catchy tune...
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And now, Hotel CMOT Dibbler...
(Two) Sokkard wisps: On the dark Lancre highway, Blue frogs in my hair
(Two) Sokkard wisps: One smell of the swamp gas, Drifting up through the air
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Up ahead in the gloomy, I saw a wibbily light
(Two) Sokkard wisps: My backpack heavy, and my rations slim
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I had to camp for the night
(Two) Sokkard wisps: There was Gran in the doorway, I heard our Nanny yell
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And I was thinking to myselves, This could be pizza but what is that smell?
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Then she lit up a lantern, And she showed me the way
(Two) Sokkard wisps: There were Wizards in the corridor
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I throught I heard them say
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Welcome to the hotel C-mot-Dibb-ler
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Such a lively place
(Two) Ilik wisps: Such a lively place...
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Stare death in the face
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Plenty of room at the hotel C-mot-Dibb-ler
(Two) Sokkard wisps: All the food is dear
(Two) Ilik wisps: All the food is dear...
(Two) Sokkard wisps: You can buy tea here
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Her brain is definitely hive mind, She's got the broomstick again
(Two) Sokkard wisps: She's got a lot of very handy spells, And some witchy friends
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Now the thieves in the plaza, Steal shiny treats
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Some thieve for the quota, Some thieve to the beat
(Two) Sokkard wisps: So I talked with the Captain, Head of family Vimes
(Two) Sokkard wisps: He said..
(Two) Ilik wisps: We haven't used any logic here since, the beginning of time.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And still those Wizards are chanting from far away
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Casting runes in the middle of the night
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Just to hear me say
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Welcome to the hotel C-mot-Dibb-ler
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Such a lively place
(Two) Ilik wisps: Such a lively place...
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Stare death in the face
(Two) Sokkard wisps: They're livin' it up at the Hotel C-mot-Dibb-ler
(Two) Sokkard wisps: What a nice sunrise
(Two) Ilik wisps: What a nice sunrise...
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Watch the fireflies
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Fruitbats on the ceiling, They drink scumble on ice
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And she said We are all just fictional beings
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Of our own device, And in the Bursar's chambers
(Two) Sokkard wisps: They womble like a beast, They pragi with their victims eyes
(Two) Sokkard wisps: But they just can't cook the feast
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Last thing I remember, I was rolling on the floor
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I had to find the portal back to the beer I drunk before
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Relax said the Sek priest, We are bursting to relieve
(Two) Sokkard wisps: You can eat here any time you like, And catch a bad disease!

Patricienne

(Two) Sokkard wisps: Is this the real life?
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Is this just fantasy?
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Cori Celesti,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Heading down to reality.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Wandering by,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: The Womble, she cried at me
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I'm just a newbie, Plz will u group with me?
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Because I'm without guild, without gold,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Unfulfilled, uncontrolled,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Mind which way the wind blows,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I can smell Ankh Morpork from here,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: From here.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Mummy, just killed a dog.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Found a dagger in the street,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Started fighting, now he's meat.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Mummy, I'd just left the Drum,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: But stabbing things came naturally to me.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Mummy, ooooooooh,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Didn't mean to make him die,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: The poor thing won't be back again tomorrow.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I'll be gone, I'll be gone.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: But it doesn't really matter.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Too late, my time had come.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Met a guy WHO TALKED LIKE THIS,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Those old ladies didn't miss :(
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Goodbye, everybody, I've got to go,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Gotta POPPADOM with DEATH, and face the truth.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Mummy, ooooooooooh,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I don't want to die
(Two) Sokkard wisps: But I'm a ghost, my corpse is lost, oh noooooooo....
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I see a bunch of little manic grinning dwarfs
(Two) Sokkard wisps: What is this? What is this?
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I was only fighting! Now they're really frightening me!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: (Get a Pishite!) Contact Harry! (Get a Pishite!) Contact Harry!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Get a Pishite and a res! Magnifico!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: t pishite I'm just a poor ghost, I've got no body.
(Two) Althea wisps: He's just a poor ghost, got by old ladies
(Two) Althea wisps: Give him his life! Junction Short and Filigree
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Now alive, killed again, watchman saw me go,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Car-rot says:
(Two) Carrot wisps: NO! We will not let you go!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Let me go!
(Two) Carrot wisps: We will not let you go!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Let me go!
(Two) Carrot wisps: To the yard we go!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Let me go!
(Two) Carrot wisps: To the yard we go!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Let me go, oh, oh, oh
(Two) Carrot wisps: No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Oh Captain Carrot, Captain Carrot
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Captain Carrot, Let me go!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: The Constable has my weapons put aside for me,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: For me, for me!
(Two) Sokkard wisps that he does a little dance
(Two) Sokkard wisps: So you think you can catch me and paddle my hide?
(Two) Sokkard wisps: So you think you can jail me and leave me inside?
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Oh, maybe, just this once will you jail me,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Just gotta get out, just gotta get right out of here!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Nothing really matters,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Anyone can see,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Idle with the talker,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: One and two are everything to me.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Smell which way the Ankh flows...

Enim Rac

(Two) Sokkard wisps: Healing tea's gone weak, I'm wondering why I got out my warhammer at all,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: The Autumn fog clouds up my window and I can't see at all,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And even if I could it'd all be grey, but with your head nailed to my wall,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Dear Ilik, I backstabbed you but you still ain't fallin',
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I kebabed you twice back in autumn,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: You cannot have missed 'em
(Two) Sokkard wisps: But anyways, DUCK it, what's been up man, how's Dogbolt-R?
(Two) Sokkard wisps: My creator's evil too, corrupted by the power.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Oh, about the way you walk straight into ambushes? That's just dense!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I read about your partner Clarence too, I'm not that sorry.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I tried to kill him too, although that's another story .
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I know you probably hear this every day, but I want to kill you if I can.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I got a vault full of you body parts, man.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I hope you choke soon, just before Sokkard's chat.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: This is Enim, your worst fan.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Dear Ilik, you still ain't dropped or absconded, I hope you have the chance.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I ain't mad, it just makes me think theres no justice on the disc.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: If you didn't want to talk to me outside the T-shop you didn't have to.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: but you could have not stolen my brand new Retribution, thats just daft.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: It was my dream to own that weapon, I worked my fingers to the bone.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I worked in the blistering cold for the cash for fifty days and ya just stole it!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I ain't that mad, but I just don't like bein' stole from.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I've gone and framed you with Chyrophrase, the troll don.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: You'd better watch yer back. See, I'm just like you in a way.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I want to see yer dead.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I want to place a contract on yer head.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Cause I don't got much else to do.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: No-one hates you more than me, Ilik, no one does.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: They just dont know how annoying you've been while I was growing up.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I've gotta kill you man. I'll get so many fans, you be the only one to lose.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Sincerely yours, your worst fan. PS: I should kill Nadow too.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Dear Mr. 'I'm too good to die',
(Two) Sokkard wisps: This'll be the last exploding package I ever send your sorry donkey.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: It's been six months and still no death. I don't deserve it?
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I know you got my last two letterbombs, I fixed the fuses on 'em perfect.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: So this is my iconoimp I'm sending you. I hope you hear it.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I'm in the cart right now. I'm doing 50 on Upper Broadway.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Hey Ilik, I drank a pint of scumble, ya dare me to drive?
(Two) Sokkard wisps: You heard the rumour by Sokkard?
(Two) Sokkard wisps: That some guy fitting yer description was seen?
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Putting a contract on me by the Lancre Queen?
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Thats just sick man, I spent 5000 dollars on snuffing out yer life.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: See Ilik,
(Two) Anarual wisps that he screams.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Shut up you, I'm trying to talk.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Hey Ilik, that's Anarual screaming in the trunk.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Well, gotta go, I'm almost at Brass Bridge now.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Poot, I forgot, how am I supposed to send this imp out?
(Two) Sokkard wisps: <screeching wheels, crashing sounds, cart splashes into the water>
(Two) Ilik wisps: Dear My Worst Fan, I meant to steal from you sooner, but I've just been busy.
(Two) Ilik wisps: You said you put a message bomb for me now, how large would you say it is?
(Two) Ilik wisps: Look, I'm really flattered you would try to kill me like that.
(Two) Ilik wisps: And here's a box of fuses for your parcels: I sent it in this cardboard box.
(Two) Ilik wisps: I'm not that sorry I stole your Ret, I almost missed you.
(Two) Ilik wisps: I was coded this way to teach players to keep their money safe,
(Two) Ilik wisps: You have to admit its worked, you dont see that many rich newbies over the place.
(Two) Ilik wisps: You got some issues, Fan, I think you need to take up something more healthy,
(Two) Ilik wisps: Try alligator dentistry or leaping off some belfrey.
(Two) Ilik wisps: Why are you so mad? Try to understand, I want to steal from you too.
(Two) Ilik wisps: I want you to let me take your royals and your warhammer too.
(Two) Ilik wisps: I read about someone in the Green Slab last week, it made me laugh.
(Two) Ilik wisps: Some troll was drunk and drove his cart over a bridge
(Two) Ilik wisps: And in the cart they found a dictoimp and it said who it was to.
(Two) Ilik wisps: Come to think about it...the name was Enim...it was you. HAHAHA!

Mellow Yellow Wahooni Fruits

(Two) Sokkard wisps: Before I sing I'd like to apologise to any musicians who might be present.
(Two) Sokkard wisps that he pulls out a guitar and strums out a catchy, slightly melancholy tune...
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Civil servants from Agatea
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Struggling over haiku creation
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And little girls from Lancre
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Dream of silver screen flirtations.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And if you want these kind of dreams
(Two) Sokkard wisps: It's Two-times-fournication.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Its the edge of the world
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And all of Krullian civilization
(Two) Sokkard wisps: The sun may rise in the Hub
(Two) Sokkard wisps: At least it settles in the final location
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Its understood that Holywood
(Two) Sokkard wisps: sells Two-times-fournication.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Treat your good witch very well
(Two) Sokkard wisps: To break Aliss' spell of aging
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Cobwebs and things covering your kin
(Two) Sokkard wisps: The problem with bewitching.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: White dress has been torn
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Hard core, banged corn
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Dream of Two-times-fournication
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Dream of Two-times-fournication
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Marry me Magrat be godmother to the world
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Queen my very Lancre Nation
(Two) Sokkard wisps: A teenage troll with a pebble inside
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Getting high on slab tritrations
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And buy me a cart to Pseudopolis Yard
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Its Two-times-fournication
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Uberwald was the final frontier
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Now there're clacks over the nation
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Most Vampires sitting in the Biers
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Singing songs to ward off temptation
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And harmoniums are not far away
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Its Two-times-fournication...
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Plenty of lays for those who paid
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Sonky's control of population
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Most Morporkians have been there
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And those people on vacation
(Two) Sokkard wisps: White dress has been torn
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Hard core, banged corn
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Dream of Two-times-fournication
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Dream of Two-times-fournication
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Llamedos leads to a long road
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Which creates musical elation
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And earthquakes are to Buddy's guitar
(Two) Sokkard wisps: One of his many good vibrations
(Two) Sokkard wisps: But audio waves couldnt save the Disc
(Two) Sokkard wisps: From Two-times-fournication...
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Pay your Igor very well
(Two) Sokkard wisps: (The surgeon who is lisping)
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Victor and the rest
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Missed their wizardly' test
(Two) Sokkard wisps: But this is what you're craving
(Two) Sokkard wisps: White dress has been torn
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Hard core, banged corn
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Dream of Two-times-fournication...
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Dream of Two-times-fournication...


Orphans Impovision Workshop

(Two) Sokkard wisps: Do, do de do de do, Do, do de do de do,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Sunny Day
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Farmin' the prey away
(Two) Sokkard wisps: On my way to where the blood is sweet
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Can you tell me how to get,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: How to get to Filigree Street
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Come and slay
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Everything A-OK
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Un-friendly neighbours there
(Two) Sokkard wisps: That's where theres meat
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Can you tell me how to get
(Two) Sokkard wisps: How to get to Filigree Street
(Two) Sokkard wisps: It's a magic carpet ride
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Every door will lockpick wide
(Two) Sokkard wisps: To happy people like you--
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Happy people to
(Two) Sokkard wisps: put a sword through
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Sunny Day
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Farmin' the prey away
(Two) Sokkard wisps: On my way to where the blood is sweet
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Can you tell me how to get,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: How to get to Filigree Street...
(Two) Sokkard wisps: How to get to Filigree Street
(Two) Sokkard wisps: How to get to...

Newbie King

"Welcome to Discworld," she said to me, newbie soulling me.
Help me plz. Group with me. Take me to Djelibeybi...
I never lived the dreams of a number king.
I'm an advancement fiend, I like to think my primaries...
...will soon guildmax.
Must...not...sleep...
They love to tell you: Stay inside OC.
But XP's better over in BP.
I wanna run through the Halls of Sandelfon.
I wanna shout I JUST KILLED THE LAG!
I just found out there's no such thing as a TM.
Just a lie the newbies talk about...
So the good boys an' girls hunt the so-called Deep Shades,
Baby, I'm Hat - BOO! - tian.
At sanity's end.
I read all the books but I can't find 668 Elm St.
And all of the oldbies, they're getting older.
I wonder if they'd wish for a Grflx,
if they got another chance for a genie.
They love to tell you: Stay inside OC.
But XP's better over in BP.
I wanna run through the Halls of Sandelfon.
I wanna shout I JUST KILLED THE LAG!
I just found out there's no such thing as a TM.
Just a lie the newbies talk about...
So the good boys an' girls hunt the so-called Deep Shades,
Baby, I'm Hat - BOO! -tian.
At sanity's end.
I read all the books but I can't find 668 Elm St.
I'm invincible.
I'm invincible.
I'm invincible as long as I'm a tank.
I wanna run through the halls of Sandelfon.
I wanna shout I JUST KILLED THE LAG!
I just found out there's no such thing as a TM.
Just a lie the newbies talk about...
So the good boys an' girls hunt the so-called Deep Shades,
Baby, I'm Hat - BOO! - tian.
At sanity's end.
I read all the books but I can't find 668 Elm St.
And I just can't wait 'til Amsterda__ed.
I wanna drink out the local pub!
And when I stood on the table before you,
you will know my name is Gufnork.

Areyem

That's great, it starts with a Discquake, frogs and wombles, an assassin vain and Ilik is not afraid.
Dress of a wizard, listen to yourself chat - Disc serves its own needs, dummy serve your own needs. Warriors in an aux speak, grunt, no, strength.
Uh oh, overflow, population, common speak, but it'll do. Save yourself, serve yourself. Witches serve their own needs, listen to your heart bleed dummy with the rapture and the revered and the right, right.
You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, bright light, feeling pretty psyched. Offer me solutions, offer me alternatives and I decline.
It's the end of the Disc as we know it.
It's the end of the Disc as we know it.
It's the end of the Disc as we know it and I feel fine.
It's the end of the Disc as we know it.
It's the end of the Disc as we know it.
It's the end of the Disc as we know it and I feel fine.

The Boggles

(Two) Sokkard wisps: I heard you telling stories back on channel
(Two)
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Listening on in dread, I hoped it wasn't true
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Even ignore could not stop you from coming through
(Two) Ilik wisps: Oh a oh!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: The hapless subjects of your tale cried bastardry
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Said it was lies and said that you should surely flee
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And then you went and told them lies all about me
(Two) Ilik wisps: Oh a oh!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Why me, your victim?
(Two) Ilik wisps: Oh a oh!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: What is your problem?
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Somebody killed the storyteller
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Somebody killed the storyteller
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Kicked him wide and kicked him far
(Two) Ilik wisps: Oh a oh oh oh!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: No-one could scry you, so we all searched high and low
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Then someone found you wandering up Pleaders' Row
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And then you cut out halfway through your tale of woe
(Two) Ilik wisps: Oh a oh!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: You went all quiet!
(Two) Ilik wisps: Oh a oh!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Perhaps you died?
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Somebody killed the storyteller
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Somebody killed the storyteller
(Two) Sokkard wisps: His untrue lies are in the past, yes Sokkard has been hushed at last
(Two) Ilik wisps: Oh a oh oh oh!
(Two) Ilik wisps: Oh a oh oh oh!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Somebody killed the storyteller
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Somebody killed the storyteller
(Two) Sokkard wisps: He's gone now till the next regen, and then we'll kill him once again
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Why can he not just take a hint? And like the Slab, put lies in print?

The Hamlet Persons

Young man, there's no need to feel down
I said, young man, pick yourself off the ground
I said, young man, you're in Ankh-Morpork town
There's no need to be unhappy
Young man, there's a place you can go
I said, young man, when you're short on your dough
You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find
Many ways to have a good time.
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.R.C.I.G.B.S.A
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.R.C.I.G.B.S.A
They have everything For young men to enjoy.
You can hang out with all the big boys.
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.R.C.I.G.B.S.A
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.R.C.I.G.B.S.A
You can get yourself clean
You can have a good meal
You can do whoever you feel.
Young Man, I was once in your socks,
I said, I was down and out with the flocks
I felt, no man cared if I were around
But the sheep were all near the ground
That's when someone came up to me
and said young man bugger off to AM
There's a place there called the Y.M.R.C.I.G.B.S.A
Don't let the door slam on your way out.
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.R.C.I.G.B.S.A
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.R.C.I.G.B.S.A
They have everything For young men to enjoy.
You can hang out with the little boys.
(Y.M.R.C.I.G.B.S.A
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.R.C.I.G.B.S.A
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.R.C.I.G.B.S.A
Young man, Young man, there's no need to feel down
Young man, Young man, pick yourself off the ground
Y.M.R.C.I.G.B.S.A
just go to the Y.M.R.C.I.G.B.S.A
Young Man, Young Man, I was once in your socks,
Young Man, Young Man, I was out with the flocks
Y.M.R.C.I.G.B.S.A
Y.M.R.C.I.G.B.S.A

M C Mallet

(Two) Sokkard wisps: I'd like it to be known that my trousers are extra baggy for this number.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: The-the-the-the hammers hit me so hard
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Makes me say, 'Oh my gods, thank you for blessing me'
(Two) Sokkard wisps: With a mind to run and two quick feet.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: It feels good when you know you're sown
(Two) Sokkard wisps: An idiot homeboy from Lancre Town.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And I'm known as such
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And this is a beat you can't touch.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I told you Ilik: you can't touch this!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Yeah, that's how we livin' and you know: you can't touch this!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Breathe in my dust, man. You can't touch this.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Yo, let me bust the funky lyrics: you can't touch this!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Fresh new socks and pants.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: You got it like that now you know you wanna dance!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: So chase me down the street and get a hot friend and catch this beat
(Two) Sokkard wisps: While it's rolling, hold on.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Clean up that hammer and let 'em know it's going on!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Like that? Like that.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Lost while you're hunting so fall on back,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Let 'em know that I'm too much
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And this is a beat they can't touch.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Break it down!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: STOP!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Hammertime!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Search Ankh-Morpork! It is said
(Two) Sokkard wisps: That if you can't track me down then you're probably dead.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: So wave your hands in the air, bust a few moves,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Ram your hammers through my hair.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: This is it for a winter.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Chase me down an' you're gonna get thinner.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Move slide your rump.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Just for a minute, let's all do the bump
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Bump bump bump!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Yeah, you can't touch this!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Look man, you can't touch this!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: You better prepare, boy 'cause you know you can't, you can't touch this!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Ring the bell, hammers out!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Break it down!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Stop!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Hammertime!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: You can't touch this!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Every time you see me the Sokkard's just so hyped.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: My guts on the floor but I'm still on the mike.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Now why would I ever stop doing this?
(Two) Sokkard wisps: When you're all using weapons that just don't hit
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I've toured around the world from Lancre to the Bay.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: It's Sokkard! Go Sokkard! M.C. Sokkard! Yo Sokkard!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Only hammers hit the spot,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Can't touch this!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Yo, we outta here, can't touch this!

Notes on BP missions

There are different kinds of missions to do. To receive a mission and chit, go to the library of your family's estate and ask for a mission. This means you must have at least 60 in spoken Agatean. You can only get a new mission every half hour of online time from when you completed or failed the last one. If you lose your chit, you can ask for a new one. For most of the missions, a 200 bonus or a little less in the relevant skills is enough to succeed. (Manipulating the safe takes a bit more.) In order to read what the chit asks of you, I suggest at least 85 in written Agatean, but you'll need more than that for a certain mission.

The different kinds of missions are as follows:

  • Compose a message – The chit will tell you to go to a specific room in an enemy house and "compose" a message. (You don't actually have to think of something to write.) This takes crafts.arts.calligraphy, and you need a brush and an open tin of paint. You cannot compose your message while there are family NPCs in the room, even if you're hiding.
  • Manipulate a safe – You will have to go to a room in the house (for me, it was usually the finance room) and "reveal" a safe and then "manipulate" it several times. Revealing requires adventuring.perception to find the safe, while you'll need covert.lockpick.safes to manipulate it. You'll have to manipulate the safe several times, which takes an increasingly higher skillcheck. Return the chit when you're done. This may be a thief-only mission.
  • Kidnap a pet – You are given a wooden cage along with the chit and have to look around another estate for the family's pet. "Kidnap"ping the pet uses crafts.hunting.trapping, and it's probably a good idea to leave the pet alone when there are other NPCs around. When you're finished, deposit the cage in your family estate's library (the room you received your mission).
  • Escort someone – A friend of your family will be in an eatery near the estate. Your mission is to find them and escort them back. "Enquire discreetly" when you are in the correct room, and the NPC will come out. You can tell them to follow you (they move slowly) or stay if you want to scout ahead, since a lot of ninja want them dead. You'll need skills in combat and adventuring.perception. Knowing how to heal and provide arcane protection or defending helps. Unfortunately, I've never completed this sort of mission, so other than what I've said, you're on your own.
  • Intercept someone – An enemy NPC is heading from one location to another. You are to intercept them so they don't reach their destination. As you travel, your contacts, in yellow text, will reveal the room the NPC is in. It appears that if you idle somewhere for a while, you will fail the mission. You'll likely need combat skills to stop them (the chit suggests killing them) and adventuring.perception to see them. You may also use covert.hiding.person and covert.stealth to ambush your opponent, since when you leave the room you attacked them in, they usually stop fighting. Sometimes they don't and ambush/backstab you instead.
  • Drown a traitor – This traitor/enemy will appear a few seconds after you're given your mission. The NPC will follow you (even it it's clear you're trying to get them killed!). The chit suggests you drown them. I'm not sure if other methods of ridding them works, but combat is not the way. You'll need skills in adventuring.movement.swimming, and since the only way I know how to drown someone is planting stuff on them until they're too burdened to swim upwards, covert.manipulation.passing and a maybe 30-some pound burden are helpful to have.
  • Alter information – The mission requires you to go to the strategy room or something like that in an enemy estate and "alter information". You'll need 90 or more in written Agatean in order to even read the plans. Some missions require adventuring.direction to alter maps.
  • Investigate somewhere – You are to go to to a certain room in an enemy estate and "investigate here/room". You'll need some adventuring.perception to succeed. When you complete the task, return the chit.</ul>
  • Take an artifact – An enemy family is acting like a bunch of stuffed peacocks. Your mission is to acquire a certain object. There are rooms within a family's estate that contain an item, usually not in plain sight, that you have to take. Sometimes the item is hidden on an object in the room description (so look around), sometimes it's in or on an object on the ground (it's the last thing you see when you "look" in a room), and sometimes it is the object on the ground. The objects are always in a fixed place, but this mission could be time-consuming if you don't know where to look, and even more so if the family guards want you dead.

List of rooms and artifacts (incomplete)

Fang

A shrine dedicated to Fang family ancestors; silver horn on tatami mat
Fang family trophy room; crown in case
Fang family war room; crystal Katana of Woo in case
Room full of sleeping and snoring servants; goblet on table

Hong

Art gallery of the Hongs; Hong Lotus on pedestal
Hong family library; snowglobe on desk
Hong family trophy room; Tengu’s Codex on pedestal
Hong war strategy room; helm on floor
Room that the Hongs use to worship their ancestors; kimono on shrine
Writing room of the Hongs; notepad and brush on desk

McSweeney

Attic; McSweeney silver spoon on floor
Birdhouse; McSweeney haggis on shelf
Distillery; glass praying mantis on shelf
Lord McSweeney's office and financial headquarters; dentures on desk
Main tea room; humble calligraphy brush on table
Men’s dojo; decorative mace on floor
Men’s tea room; silver bell on table

Sung

Lord Sung’s bedroom; back scratcher on floor
Meditation room; statuette on altar
Quiet studio; antique tapestry on floor
Sung family library: ancient Sung vase on shelf

Tang

Crumbling balcony overlooking Tang Bay; sphere on floor
Drawing room in the Tang estate; Fabled Walking Stick on floor
Guest room; statue on dresser
Hallway outside the dining room; armour on floor
Tang treasury; stuffed crane on floor

Tang trophy room; helmet on floor