Difference between revisions of "User:Tabs"

From Discworld MUD Wiki
Jump to: navigation, search
m (Lynched Liam)
Line 5: Line 5:
 
[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DiscworldMUD TV Tropes page.]
 
[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DiscworldMUD TV Tropes page.]
  
==New quota==
+
==New quota (researching)==
 
New quotas don't always automatically begin. Say, you checked your quota and read that you have 30 seconds left. Then you leave the computer to eat a snack, and when you return and read your license, you find that your quota has just begun. Aside from checking it after the last quota has ended, a new quota begins when:
 
New quotas don't always automatically begin. Say, you checked your quota and read that you have 30 seconds left. Then you leave the computer to eat a snack, and when you return and read your license, you find that your quota has just begun. Aside from checking it after the last quota has ended, a new quota begins when:
 
*You steal something
 
*You steal something
*You do ''something'' near the Thieves' Guild. Perhaps stand outside on the Street of Alchemists just as the new quota begins?
+
*You walk through the entrance of the Thieves' Guild
*You quit the game
+
*You quit the game (sometimes?)
 
*You advance
 
*You advance
 
*You enter the 8-way
 
*You enter the 8-way
 +
Only use in desperation.
  
 
==Advice from a cat==
 
==Advice from a cat==

Revision as of 04:37, 28 January 2011

Me.

Welcome to Tabs' extra-long page of bandwidth-consuming goodness.

TV Tropes page.

New quota (researching)

New quotas don't always automatically begin. Say, you checked your quota and read that you have 30 seconds left. Then you leave the computer to eat a snack, and when you return and read your license, you find that your quota has just begun. Aside from checking it after the last quota has ended, a new quota begins when:

  • You steal something
  • You walk through the entrance of the Thieves' Guild
  • You quit the game (sometimes?)
  • You advance
  • You enter the 8-way

Only use in desperation.

Advice from a cat

(good gods, it has a lot to say, this isn't all of it.)

Find any excuse to run up and down the stairs dementedly.
Never take a nap in a parked car - you may wake up and find yourself being carried off to a faraway place.
Stay out of open windows during thunderstorms.
Stay out of car engines[1].
Always clean between your toes.
Let your emotions get the best of you sometimes.
Don't be fooled by cat furniture - tiny beds, cramped baskets, etc. - sold in pet shops. Human furniture is always more plush and comfortable.
Keep your tail away from stoves, candles, lit cigarettes, automatic dishwasher doors, children, rocking chairs and dogs. God only gave you one tail - take good care of it.
Never chew on electrical cords or wires.[2]
Surprise someone by hiding in the laundry basket.
Never retract your claws completely, except with your very best friends.
Be winsome.
Never try to be something you're not.
Avoid second-hand cigarette smoke.
Never let anyone dye your hair a funny colour or give you a trendy haircut.
Roll in the dirt once a week to maintain a healthy and beautiful coat.
Refuse to tolerate being locked out of the bedroom for any reason whatsoever.
Sleeping in the sunlight is often the best medicine for whatever ails you.
Avoid chewing on pens or pencils; the ink and lead could poison you.

[1]Engine? [2]And what is this electricity of which you speak?

Barry the cornflake

Woops, looks like someone else already logged it. http://pastie.org/222297.txt

Kess of Sek says stuff

To adventurers

An adventurer! How cute! Have you considered joining a real guild yet?

To assassins

(Black Widow) I hear that when girls from Black Widow House go out, their housemistress gives them a whistle to blow so that they can call for a real assassin if they run into anyone more dangerous than a student wizard.
(Black Widow) What skill that you learned in school do you think is going to help you the most later on? I'm guessing kneeling down in front of your teachers.
(Black Widow) What skill that you learned in school do you think is going to help you the most later on? I'm guessing learning to listen when someone worthwhile is speaking.
(Black Widow) What skill that you learned in school do you think is going to help you the most later on? I'm guessing pillow-fighting.
(Black Widow) What skill that you learned in school do you think is going to help you the most later on? I'm guessing being a bright and pretty face who knows better than to chase the illusion away by speaking.
(Black Widow) Have you come to finally fill the contract that someone took out on me? Oh, wait. You're not a real assassin. Well, maybe your boyfriend will try.
(Black Widow) Maybe someday you'll start having proper classes in your school. "How to Wear Black With Silver Hilights and Still Pretend that You're not a Witch," instead of "Applications of a Conlegium Sicariorum Degree in a Career as a Housewife." Maybe, but by the looks of you, you took the second kind of class.
(Black Widow) Maybe someday you'll start having proper classes in your school. "How to Wear Black with Silver Hilights and Still Pretend that You're not a Witch," instead of "Teas, Infusions and Cookies, how to Prepare Snacks for the Real Assassins." Maybe, but by the looks of you, you took the second kind of class.
(Black Widow) The official uniform of Black Widow House: Leather miniskirt, lace brassiere, silk stockings and a willingness to do things for money that most girls wouldn't do for love.
(Black Widow) So, are you going to try and kill me, or are you going to do what Black Widow House taught you and wait for a real assassin to try?

To priests

(Pishe) You claim your goddess is all sweetness and love. Why'd she charge me fifty-five royals for my last life if she's so nice?
(Pishe) You know what goes well with slight showers? A blood-soaked white robe.
(Pishe) Have you seen your little Althea around? I've got a few scores that I'd like to settle with her.
(Pishe) When you get to your waterpark next, tell that instructor of yours that I'm still waiting to get paid for services rendered.
(Sandelfon) I hear that Asaram got engaged to a troll. Says a rock's the nearest thing to marrying a corridor.
(Sek) Something about choosing the right god
(Sek) And something to do with schisms

To thieves

If you were half the thief that Ilik is, I wouldn't be able to see you.
Is it true that your guild had to hire Nicolette Levaux because no legitimate seamstress would touch any of you?
Tell me, was it mummy or daddy who sold you to the thieves guild?
How do you make a thief? Take an assassin, give him a wizard's sense of style, a witch's grasp on the Morporkian language and the bathing habits of a Krullian hydrophobe, then teach him to run from every fight.
Couldn't pass the entrance exam to become an assassin?
Too pathetic to become a criminal, aren't you. Have to have a gulid backing you rather than making your own way.
I heard that the only reason to join your guild is because you're too scared that the Watch might catch you. I wasn't sure about it, but you'd be the type to quiver in your boots every time you saw [name of well-known officer], wouldn't you?
I hear that in the woods, there's a secret safe containing all the lost treasures of Sto Helit. All you've got to do is find it and crack it.

To warriors

How cute. You can almost walk and breathe at the same time. Warriors must be evolving a little.
Warriors. Like golems, only half as hard and half as bright.
Did you think that maybe... Oh, my bad. I'm using the "T" word to a warrior.
Aww. Wonder if you're the warrior who's holding the brain cell today.

To witches

When you became a witch, was it because you realised that you were a failure as a godmother?
When you became a witch, was it because you realised that you were a failure as a {sic} apple seller?
I suppose I can see why someone like you would become a witch. Never go hungry, just squeeze your fruitbat.
Oh! Can you sing the hedgehog song for me? I haven't heard it in years.
I kind of like witches. Not the simple-minded rural talk or the crystals or the lace. Mostly that fruitbat hearts taste of cherries and melons.

To wizards

(female) Oh, a female wizard, how novel. Let me guess: Too much flab to ride a broom?
Say eight. I dare you.
You look like a tent, covered in sigils, carrying a staff without a knob on the end.
Wizards. Fa. Witches without self-confidence.
Shouldn't you be going? Est sumiti almost time pro your octavus-a-um meal of the day. (danged Morporkian)
Why did the wizard cross the road? The chicken kebabs across the street looked tasty.

Reboot songs, working on getting the entire log

(Two) Sokkard wisps: Right! Now what shall I sing? Something from Areyem, M C Mallet, Newbie King, Lynched Liam, The Hamlet Persons, Orphans Impovision Workshop, The Boggles, Patricienne, Lappet Faced Worriers, Mellow Yellow Wahooni Fruits or Enim Rac?

Lynched Liam

(Two) Sokkard wisps: ... Whatever!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I went down to Morpork and saw Dibbler
(Two) Sokkard wisps: He was, like, Sausage, Guv?
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And I was, like, Whatever!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Then this troll comes up to me and she's all, like,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Hey, aren't you that Sokkard??
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And I'm, like, Yeah, whatever!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: So later I'm at the Mended Drum
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And this witch comes up
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And she's, like, Wotcher!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And I'm, like, Yeah, whatever!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: 'Cuz this is my
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Ankh-Mor-pork of Whatever!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And this is my
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Ankh-Mor-pork of Whatever!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And this is my
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Ankh-Mor-pork of Whatever!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And then it's three A.M.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And I'm in the Shades, wearing my leather
(Two) Sokkard wisps: This 'sasswot comes up and he's, like, Hey, punk!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I'm, like, Yeah, whatever!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Then I'm spamming, on (two)
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Captain Carrot comes up and is, like,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: 'Hey, I thought I told you...'
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And I'm, like, Yeah, whatever!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And then up comes Ilik
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I'm, like, Yo, Ilik. What's up?
(Two) Sokkard wisps: He's, like, Nothin'
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And I'm, like, That's cool.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: 'Cuz this is my,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Ankh-Mor-pork of Whatever!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And this is my,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Ankh-Mor-pork of Whatever!

Lappet Faced Worriers

(Two) Sokkard wisps that he cheers wildly.
(Two) Sokkard wisps that he gets a dusty guitar from who knows where...
(Two) Sokkard wisps that he starts strumming a slow but catchy tune...
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And now, Hotel CMOT Dibbler...
(Two) Sokkard wisps: On the dark Lancre highway, Blue frogs in my hair
(Two) Sokkard wisps: One smell of the swamp gas, Drifting up through the air
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Up ahead in the gloomy, I saw a wibbily light
(Two) Sokkard wisps: My backpack heavy, and my rations slim
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I had to camp for the night
(Two) Sokkard wisps: There was Gran in the doorway, I heard our Nanny yell
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And I was thinking to myselves, This could be pizza but what is that smell?
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Then she lit up a lantern, And she showed me the way
(Two) Sokkard wisps: There were Wizards in the corridor
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I throught I heard them say
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Welcome to the hotel C-mot-Dibb-ler
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Such a lively place
(Two) Ilik wisps: Such a lively place...
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Stare death in the face
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Plenty of room at the hotel C-mot-Dibb-ler
(Two) Sokkard wisps: All the food is dear
(Two) Ilik wisps: All the food is dear...
(Two) Sokkard wisps: You can buy tea here
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Her brain is definitely hive mind, She's got the broomstick again
(Two) Sokkard wisps: She's got a lot of very handy spells, And some witchy friends
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Now the thieves in the plaza, Steal shiny treats
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Some thieve for the quota, Some thieve to the beat
(Two) Sokkard wisps: So I talked with the Captain, Head of family Vimes
(Two) Sokkard wisps: He said..
(Two) Ilik wisps: We haven't used any logic here since, the beginning of time.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And still those Wizards are chanting from far away
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Casting runes in the middle of the night
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Just to hear me say
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Welcome to the hotel C-mot-Dibb-ler
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Such a lively place
(Two) Ilik wisps: Such a lively place...
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Stare death in the face
(Two) Sokkard wisps: They're livin' it up at the Hotel C-mot-Dibb-ler
(Two) Sokkard wisps: What a nice sunrise
(Two) Ilik wisps: What a nice sunrise...
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Watch the fireflies
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Fruitbats on the ceiling, They drink scumble on ice
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And she said We are all just fictional beings
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Of our own device, And in the Bursar's chambers
(Two) Sokkard wisps: They womble like a beast, They pragi with their victims eyes
(Two) Sokkard wisps: But they just can't cook the feast
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Last thing I remember, I was rolling on the floor
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I had to find the portal back to the beer I drunk before
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Relax said the Sek priest, We are bursting to relieve
(Two) Sokkard wisps: You can eat here any time you like, And catch a bad disease!

Patricienne

(Two) Sokkard wisps: Is this the real life?
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Is this just fantasy?
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Cori Celesti,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Heading down to reality.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Wandering by,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: The Womble, she cried at me
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I'm just a newbie, Plz will u group with me?
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Because I'm without guild, without gold,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Unfulfilled, uncontrolled,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Mind which way the wind blows,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I can smell Ankh Morpork from here,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: From here.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Mummy, just killed a dog.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Found a dagger in the street,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Started fighting, now he's meat.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Mummy, I'd just left the Drum,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: But stabbing things came naturally to me.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Mummy, ooooooooh,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Didn't mean to make him die,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: The poor thing won't be back again tomorrow.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I'll be gone, I'll be gone.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: But it doesn't really matter.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Too late, my time had come.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Met a guy WHO TALKED LIKE THIS,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Those old ladies didn't miss :(
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Goodbye, everybody, I've got to go,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Gotta POPPADOM with DEATH, and face the truth.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Mummy, ooooooooooh,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I don't want to die
(Two) Sokkard wisps: But I'm a ghost, my corpse is lost, oh noooooooo....
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I see a bunch of little manic grinning dwarfs
(Two) Sokkard wisps: What is this? What is this?
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I was only fighting! Now they're really frightening me!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: (Get a Pishite!) Contact Harry! (Get a Pishite!) Contact Harry!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Get a Pishite and a res! Magnifico!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: t pishite I'm just a poor ghost, I've got no body.
(Two) Althea wisps: He's just a poor ghost, got by old ladies
(Two) Althea wisps: Give him his life! Junction Short and Filigree
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Now alive, killed again, watchman saw me go,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Car-rot says:
(Two) Carrot wisps: NO! We will not let you go!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Let me go!
(Two) Carrot wisps: We will not let you go!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Let me go!
(Two) Carrot wisps: To the yard we go!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Let me go!
(Two) Carrot wisps: To the yard we go!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Let me go, oh, oh, oh
(Two) Carrot wisps: No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Oh Captain Carrot, Captain Carrot
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Captain Carrot, Let me go!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: The Constable has my weapons put aside for me,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: For me, for me!
(Two) Sokkard wisps that he does a little dance
(Two) Sokkard wisps: So you think you can catch me and paddle my hide?
(Two) Sokkard wisps: So you think you can jail me and leave me inside?
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Oh, maybe, just this once will you jail me,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Just gotta get out, just gotta get right out of here!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Nothing really matters,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Anyone can see,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Idle with the talker,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: One and two are everything to me.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Smell which way the Ankh flows...

Enim Rac

Healing tea's gone weak, I'm
wondering why I got out my warhammer at all,
The Autumn fog clouds up my window and I can't see at all,
And even if I could it'd be a ll grey, but with your head nailed to my wall,
It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad.
Dear Ilik, I backstabbed you but you sill ain't fallin;
I kebabbed you twice in the back in autumn,
You cannot have missed 'em
But anyways, DUCK it, what's been up man, how's Dogbolt-R?
My creator's evil too, corrupted by the power.
Oh, about the way you walk straight into ambushes? That's just dense!
I read about your partner Clarence too, I'm not that sorry.
I tried to kill him too, although that's another story.
I know you probably hear this every day, but I want to kill you if I can.
I got a vault full of your body parts, man.
I hope you choke soon, just before Sokkard's chat.
This is Enim, your worst fan.
Dear Ilik, you still ain't dropped or absconded, I hope you have the chance.
I ain't mad, it just makes me think there's no justice on the disc.
If you didn't want to talk to me outside the T-shop you didn't have to.
But you could not have stolen my brand new Retribution, that's just daft.
It was my dream to own that weapon, I worked my fingers to the bone.
I worked in the blistering cold for the cash for fifty days and ya just stole it!
I ain't that mad, but I just don't like bein' stole from.
I've gone and framed you with Chryophrase, the troll don.
you'd better watch your back. See I'm just like you in a way.
I want to see yer dead.
I want to place a contract on yer head.
Cause I don't got much else to do.
No one hates you more than me, Ilik, no one does.
They just don't know how annoying you've been while I was growing up.
I've gotta kill you man. I'll have so many fans, you be the only one to lose.
Sincerely yours, your worst fan. PS: I should kill Nadow too.
Dear Mr. 'I'm too good to die',
This'll be the last exploding package I ever send your sorry donkey.
It's been six months and still no death. I don't deserve it?
I know you got my last to letterbombs, I fixed the fuses on 'em perfect.
So this is my iconoimp I'm sending you. I hope you hear it.
I'm in the cart right now. I'm doing 50 on Upper Broadway.
Hey Ilik, I drank a pint of scumble, ya dare me to drive?
You heard the rumor by Sokkard?
That some guy fitting yer description was seen?
Putting a contract on me by the Lancre Queen?
That's just sick man, I spent 5000 dollars on snuffing out yer life.
You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it.
See Ilik,
Shut up you, I'm trying to talk.
Hey, Ilik, that's Anarual screaming in the trunk.
Well, gotta go, I'm almost at Brass Bridge now.
Poot, I forgot, how am I supposed to send this imp out?
<screeching wheels, crashing sounds, cart splashes into the water>
Dear My Worst Fan, I meant to steal from you sooner, but I've just been busy.
You said you put a message bomb for me now, how large would you say it is?
Look, I'm really flattered you would try to kill me like that.
And here's a box of fuses for your parcels: I sent it in this cardboard box.
I'm not that sorry I stole your Ret, I almost missed you.
I was coded this way to teach players to keep their money safe,
You have to admit it's worked, you don't see that many rich newbies over the place.
You got some issues, Fan, I think you need to take up something more healthy,
Try alligator dentistry or jumping off some belfrey.
Why are you so mad? Try to understand, I want to steal from you too.
I want you to let me take your royals and your warhammer too.
I read about someone in the Green Slab last week, it made me laugh.
Some troll was drunk and drove his cart over a bridge
And in the cart they founda dictoimp and it said who it was to.
Come to think about it... the name was Enim... it was you. HAHAHA!

Mellow Yellow Wahooni Fruits

(Two) Sokkard wisps: Before I sing I'd like to apologise to any musicians who might be present.
(Two) Sokkard wisps that he pulls out a guitar and strums out a catchy, slightly melancholy tune...
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Civil servants from Agatea
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Struggling over haiku creation
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And little girls from Lancre
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Dream of silver screen flirtations.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And if you want these kind of dreams
(Two) Sokkard wisps: It's Two-times-fournication.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Its the edge of the world
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And all of Krullian civilization
(Two) Sokkard wisps: The sun may rise in the Hub
(Two) Sokkard wisps: At least it settles in the final location
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Its understood that Holywood
(Two) Sokkard wisps: sells Two-times-fournication.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Treat your good witch very well
(Two) Sokkard wisps: To break Aliss' spell of aging
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Cobwebs and things covering your kin
(Two) Sokkard wisps: The problem with bewitching.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: White dress has been torn
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Hard core, banged corn
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Dream of Two-times-fournication
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Dream of Two-times-fournication
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Marry me Magrat be godmother to the world
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Queen my very Lancre Nation
(Two) Sokkard wisps: A teenage troll with a pebble inside
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Getting high on slab tritrations
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And buy me a cart to Pseudopolis Yard
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Its Two-times-fournication
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Uberwald was the final frontier
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Now there're clacks over the nation
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Most Vampires sitting in the Biers
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Singing songs to ward off temptation
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And harmoniums are not far away
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Its Two-times-fournication...
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Plenty of lays for those who paid
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Sonky's control of population
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Most Morporkians have been there
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And those people on vacation
(Two) Sokkard wisps: White dress has been torn
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Hard core, banged corn
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Dream of Two-times-fournication
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Dream of Two-times-fournication
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Llamedos leads to a long road
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Which creates musical elation
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And earthquakes are to Buddy's guitar
(Two) Sokkard wisps: One of his many good vibrations
(Two) Sokkard wisps: But audio waves couldnt save the Disc
(Two) Sokkard wisps: From Two-times-fournication...
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Pay your Igor very well
(Two) Sokkard wisps: (The surgeon who is lisping)
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Victor and the rest
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Missed their wizardly' test
(Two) Sokkard wisps: But this is what you're craving
(Two) Sokkard wisps: White dress has been torn
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Hard core, banged corn
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Dream of Two-times-fournication...
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Dream of Two-times-fournication...


Orphans Impovision Workshop

Do, do de do de do, Do, do de do de do,
Sunny Day
Farmin' the prey away
On my way to where the blood is sweet
Can you tell me how to get,
How to get to Filigree Street
Come and slay
Everything A-OK
Un-friendly neighbors there
That's where theres meat
Can you tell me how to get
How to get the Filigree Street
It's a magic carpet ride
Every door will lockpick wide
To happy people like you--
Happy people to
put a sword through
Sunny Day
Farmin' the prey away
On my way to where the blood is sweet
Can you tell me how to get,
How to get to Filigree Street...
How to get to Filigree Street
How to get to...

Newbie King

"Welcome to Discworld," she said to me, newbie soulling me.
Help me plz. Group with me. Take me to Djelibeybi...
I never lived the dreams of a number king.
I'm an advancement fiend, I like to think my primaries...
...will soon guildmax.
Must...not...sleep...
They love to tell you: Stay inside OC.
But XP's better over in BP.
I wanna run through the Halls of Sandelfon.
I wanna shout I JUST KILLED THE LAG!
I just found out there's no such thing as a TM.
Just a lie the newbies talk about...
So the good boys an' girls hunt the so-called Deep Shades,
Baby, I'm Hat - BOO! - tian.
At sanity's end.
I read all the books but I can't find 668 Elm St.
And all of the oldbies, they're getting older.
I wonder if they'd wish for a Grflx,
if they got another chance for a genie.
They love to tell you: Stay inside OC.
But XP's better over in BP.
I wanna run through the Halls of Sandelfon.
I wanna shout I JUST KILLED THE LAG!
I just found out there's no such thing as a TM.
Just a lie the newbies talk about...
So the good boys an' girls hunt the so-called Deep Shades,
Baby, I'm Hat - BOO! -tian.
At sanity's end.
I read all the books but I can't find 668 Elm St.
I'm invincible.
I'm invincible.
I'm invincible as long as I'm a tank.
I wanna run through the halls of Sandelfon.
I wanna shout I JUST KILLED THE LAG!
I just found out there's no such thing as a TM.
Just a lie the newbies talk about...
So the good boys an' girls hunt the so-called Deep Shades,
Baby, I'm Hat - BOO! - tian.
At sanity's end.
I read all the books but I can't find 668 Elm St.
And I just can't wait 'til Amsterda__ed.
I wanna drink out the local pub!
And when I stood on the table before you,
you will know my name is Gufnork.

Areyem

That's great, it starts with a Discquake, frogs and wombles, an assassin vain and Ilik is not afraid.
Dress of a wizard, listen to yourself chat - Disc serves its own needs, dummy serve your own needs. Warriors in an aux speak, grunt, no, strength.
Uh oh, overflow, population, common speak, but it'll do. Save yourself, serve yourself. Witches serve their own needs, listen to your heart bleed dummy with the rapture and the revered and the right, right.
You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, bright light, feeling pretty psyched. Offer me solutions, offer me alternatives and I decline.
It's the end of the Disc as we know it.
It's the end of the Disc as we know it.
It's the end of the Disc as we know it and I feel fine.
It's the end of the Disc as we know it.
It's the end of the Disc as we know it.
It's the end of the Disc as we know it and I feel fine.

The Boggles

I heard you telling stories back on channel (Two)
Listening on in dread, I hoped it wasn't true
Even ignore could not stop you from coming through
Oh a oh!
The hapless subjects of your tale cried bastardry
Said it was lies and said that you should surely flee
And then you went and told them lies all about me
Oh a oh!
Why me, your victim?
Oh a oh!
What is your problem?
Somebody killed the storyteller
Somebody killed the storyteller
Kicked him wide and kicked him far
Oh a oh oh oh!
No-one could scry you, so we all searched high and low
Then someone found you wandering up Pleaders' Row
And then you cut out halfway through your tale of woe
Oh a oh!
You went all quiet!
Oh a oh!
Perhaps you died?
Somebody killed the storyteller
Somebody killed the storyteller
His untrue lies are in the past, yes Sokkard has been hushed at last
Oh a oh oh oh!
Oh a oh oh oh!
Somebody killed the storyteller
Somebody killed the storyteller
He's gone now till the next regen, and then we'll kill him once again
Why can he not just take a hint? And like the Slab, put lies in print?

The Hamlet Persons

Young man, there's no need to feel down
I said, young man, pick yourself off the ground
I said, young man, you're in Ankh-Morpork town
There's no need to be unhappy
Young man, there's a place you can go
I said, young man, when you're short on your dough
You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find
Many ways to have a good time.
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.R.C.I.G.B.S.A
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.R.C.I.G.B.S.A
They have everything For young men to enjoy.
You can hang out with all the big boys.
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.R.C.I.G.B.S.A
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.R.C.I.G.B.S.A
You can get yourself clean
You can have a good meal
You can do whoever you feel.
Young Man, I was once in your socks,
I said, I was down and out with the flocks
I felt, no man cared if I were around
But the sheep were all near the ground
That's when someone came up to me
and said young man bugger off to AM
There's a place there called the Y.M.R.C.I.G.B.S.A
Don't let the door slam on your way out.
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.R.C.I.G.B.S.A
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.R.C.I.G.B.S.A
They have everything For young men to enjoy.
You can hang out with the little boys.
(Y.M.R.C.I.G.B.S.A
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.R.C.I.G.B.S.A
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.R.C.I.G.B.S.A
Young man, Young man, there's no need to feel down
Young man, Young man, pick yourself off the ground
Y.M.R.C.I.G.B.S.A
just go to the Y.M.R.C.I.G.B.S.A
Young Man, Young Man, I was once in your socks,
Young Man, Young Man, I was out with the flocks
Y.M.R.C.I.G.B.S.A
Y.M.R.C.I.G.B.S.A

M C Mallet

(Two) Sokkard wisps: I'd like it to be known that my trousers are extra baggy for this number.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: The-the-the-the hammers hit me so hard
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Makes me say, 'Oh my gods, thank you for blessing me'
(Two) Sokkard wisps: With a mind to run and two quick feet.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: It feels good when you know you're sown
(Two) Sokkard wisps: An idiot homeboy from Lancre Town.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And I'm known as such
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And this is a beat you can't touch.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I told you Ilik: you can't touch this!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Yeah, that's how we livin' and you know: you can't touch this!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Breathe in my dust, man. You can't touch this.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Yo, let me bust the funky lyrics: you can't touch this!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Fresh new socks and pants.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: You got it like that now you know you wanna dance!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: So chase me down the street and get a hot friend and catch this beat
(Two) Sokkard wisps: While it's rolling, hold on.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Clean up that hammer and let 'em know it's going on!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Like that? Like that.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Lost while you're hunting so fall on back,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Let 'em know that I'm too much
(Two) Sokkard wisps: And this is a beat they can't touch.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Break it down!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: STOP!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Hammertime!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Search Ankh-Morpork! It is said
(Two) Sokkard wisps: That if you can't track me down then you're probably dead.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: So wave your hands in the air, bust a few moves,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Ram your hammers through my hair.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: This is it for a winter.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Chase me down an' you're gonna get thinner.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Move slide your rump.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Just for a minute, let's all do the bump
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Bump bump bump!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Yeah, you can't touch this!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Look man, you can't touch this!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: You better prepare, boy 'cause you know you can't, you can't touch this!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Ring the bell, hammers out!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Break it down!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Stop!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Hammertime!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: You can't touch this!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Every time you see me the Sokkard's just so hyped.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: My guts on the floor but I'm still on the mike.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Now why would I ever stop doing this?
(Two) Sokkard wisps: When you're all using weapons that just don't hit
(Two) Sokkard wisps: I've toured around the world from Lancre to the Bay.
(Two) Sokkard wisps: It's Sokkard! Go Sokkard! M.C. Sokkard! Yo Sokkard!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Only hammers hit the spot,
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Can't touch this!
(Two) Sokkard wisps: Yo, we outta here, can't touch this!

Spells kept after dying

Death 1

  • Kamikaze Oryctolagus Flammula
  • Collatrap's Instant Pickling Stick
  • Fyodor's Nimbus of Porterage
  • Master Woddeley's Luminescent Companion