Sophie Mortimer

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Sophie Mortimer is a shop owner in Mad Stoat that sells witch's hats and creates custom witches' hats on demand.

Sophie Mortimer
This young woman has a face like a sour crabapple.  For her age, there are many wrinkles, mostly in her forehead area.  Little beady eyes peek out from under a floppy fringe and her mouth seems to move even when she is silent.
She is in good shape.
She is standing.
Wearing : a pair of soft leather shoes, a sensible black cotton dress and a witch's pointy hat.


You say 'order' in morporkian to start the ordering process. You can say 'stop' to stop ordering.

At each step except the first, the options are not presented unless you say 'list' to have a written list in morporkian presented to you. You have to say what you choose.

Sophie claims that all her hats are houseproof and that they're all proper witches' hats but that Granny only recognizes the black ones as such.

The hats produced probably all weigh 2/9 lb, but only cotton and rubber have been confirmed.


There are two types of hats that Sophie makes, which slightly alter the description of the item.

Type Description
traditional Your traditional <colour> witches' hat will look like this:

This <length>, <colour> traditional witches' hat has been fashioned from <material>. It has been trimmed with some <sparkly bits> and the <brim qualifier> brim circling it makes it all the more impressive, positively demanding respect, playing on the fact it is made with the <style> style in mind.

The traditional <colour> witches' hat has one inside pocket.

modern Your modern <colour> witches' hat will look like this:

This <length>, <colour> modern witches' hat has been fashioned from <material>. It has been trimmed with some <sparkly bits> and is made with the <style> style in mind. The <brim qualifier> brim circling it enhances the stylish hat, and adds to the eye-catching item.

The modern <colour> witches' hat has one inside pocket.

Brim qualifier

You then choose an adjective to describe the type of brim:

uncompromising    immovable         crooked           flabby            rigid             squat
unbendable        billowing         sagging           narrow            fixed             loopy
inflexible        unbending         pressed           floppy            stiff             broad
unshakable        unshapely         bulging           droopy            tight             firm
unyielding        stubborn          fitting           medium            arced             flat
unswayable        battered          smooth            slack             thick             


You then choose an adjective to describe the length of the hat:

high-reaching  undersized     sky-high       compact        stubby         rangy          tall
pocket-sized   pint-sized     elevated       little         chunky         squat          tiny
altitudinous   beanstalk      dwarfed        skimpy         alpine         great          big
skyscraping    sawed-off      squatty        slight         dumpy          runty          low
abbreviated    towering       stunted        stocky         giant          small          wee
diminutive     thickset       soaring        petite         lofty          short          

Sparkly bits

You then choose some decorations to put on the hat or none.

occult designs    embroidery        feathers          flowers           sashes            bows
pickled fruit     fruitbats         baubles           sequins           veils             bats
gingerbread       filigree          tinsels           tassels           corks             none
black cats        fretwork          ribbons           dragons           beads             
spiderwebs        trinkets          buckles           frills            lace              


You then choose a colour of the hat.

pale primrose yellow  bright green          slate grey            ash grey              sienna
Brindisian orange     silvery blue          blue black            rose red              orange
soft Genuan blue      forest green          light pink            lavender              peach
blushed lavender      lemon yellow          aquamarine            ruby red              black
luxurious black       supple black          bright red            sky-blue              azure
cornflower blue       sable black           pearl grey            wine red              ivory
seamstress pink       raven black           true white            obsidian              ebony
dark turquoise        dark silver           pale green            burgundy              lilac
chestnut brown        shiny black           chartreuse            fuchsia               green
speedwell blue        Genuan blue           jet black             magenta               sepia
moonlight grey        sooty black           pale blue             peridot               white
charcoal black        pewter grey           dark grey             scarlet               cream
midnight black        deep purple           ivy green             indigo                brown
eggshell blue         olive green           dark blue             garnet                pink
twilight blue         apple white           ink black             yellow                grey
flamingo pink         dusty black           sin black             violet                onyx
dark lavender         cobalt blue           baby pink             purple                jade
raindrop grey         dusty rose            pale rose             silver                gold
marbled white         blackberry            sea green             bronze                blue
clouded grey          coal black            cerulean              tartan                plum
golden brown          dark green            dark red              copper                red


You then choose the material for the hat.

cotton twill   leather        rubber         cotton         straw          wool           lace
rabbit fur     velvet         canvas         suede          satin          silk           felt

The material selected wildly changes the price asked.


You can then choose a for the hat or none.

loose-fitting  iridescent     feathery       Ecksian        formal         suave          torn
overpowering   shimmering     crinkled       crinkly        classy         faded          sexy
Uberwaldean    Morporkian     sinister       Agatean        simple         small          damp
understated    colourful      starched       stylish        Omnian         puffy          none
aerodynamic    oversized      sensible       elegant        cursed         large          cute
ill-fitting    Klatchian      Ephebian       ruffled        Genuan         sleek          big
frightening    masculine      Tsortian       magical        lanky          roomy          
comfortable    homespun       patched        quilted        sheer          lacy           
Hunghungese    majestic       foolish        demure         saucy          soft           
Lancrastian    feminine       ominous        sporty         stiff          ugly           
impressive     innocent       Djelian        fluffy         shiny          dark           

See also