Quest:Western Morpork quests

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ACCOMPLICE, in which you were an accomplice in a burglary. (2 QP)
Items: 1 large satchel (shop on Ettercap Street, wandering AM wizards, wandering travellers on sto plains roads, bag shop in Djelibeybi)
In one of the houses on the western part of Elm Street there is a cat burglar busy stealing stuff but he needs a bigger bag to hold it. Give him the large satchel.

APPRENTICE CAMPANOLOGIST, in which you made the bells ring out over the city. (3 QP)
Skills: 100-115 minimum other.movement.climbing.rope bonus, 100-125 minimum other.movement.acrobatics.balancing bonus.
Items: Tin of rust remover (see HANDYMAN quest)
Go inside the bell tower north from Five-Ways (intersection) in southwest AM. "climb rope" in one of the rooms to get onto the beam, then go northeast. You might see Hugo there if he hasn't fallen off. Go to the part of the beam with the bell and "repair bell with tin" then "ring bell". You might lose your balance a few times, so just heal up and try again til you get lucky.

APPRENTICE JOURNALIST, in which you defied authority and stepped up for freedom. (2 QP)
Find Sacharissa wandering around AM. Say 'help' to her and she will give you a report and tell you to bring it to William de Worde, who is in the AM Times building off the north end of Gleam Street. When you give it to him he will ask you to find a matching picture for it, and to give the picture and report to Mr. Goodmountain who will print an article for it. Go downstairs in the AM Times building, and "search iconographs". You need to find the iconograph which matches the report ("read report"). Once you have this, go back to Mr. Goodmountain and give the report and the iconograph to him. He will make a print out of it and give it to you. Give this print to William de Worde to get the quest. You also get A$20.

AXE DEALER, in which you returned a dwarf's family heirloom. (2 QP)
Items: weather-beaten key (see SEASONED EXPLORER quest) or lockpicking abilities, a light source
Go to the mansion on Short Street, just south of the intersection with Attic Bee. "press switch" in the first room to reveal a stairway leading down. Make sure your light source is lit, and go down. Go one more room, and get the axe from the corpse, or from the floor if the corpse has decayed. Don't go any further in the cellar: retrace your steps upstairs and back out to Short Street. Go to the flats immediately east of the mansion, then into the south apartment on the ground floor. Go north into the bedroom (you'll hit your head on a bar and get hurt a bit if you don't "crawl"). Give the axe to Stavic.

BAR BRAWL CHAMPION, in which you defeated Detritus in not so single combat. (2 QP)
Go to the Mended Drum on the north end of Short street and start fighting Detritus. If he dies while still in combat with you (even if you're not in the room), you'll get the quest. And possibly arrested at some point for assaulting a Watch officer.

BUSH WHACKER, in which you beat around the bush. (3 QP)
Skills: 125 or less other.movement.climing.rock bonus. Go north as far as you can in the park off of Goose Gate Road in Ankh-Morpork. Then head east to enter the maze. From the frog, go E, SE, NE, S, NW, NE, SE, N, N, W, W, W, SE, W. Climb the gate and you have completed the quest.

CAT RELIEVER, in which you relieved some felines from relieving. (2 QP)
Items: wire cutters from the tool shop on Ettercap Street
Ironcrust's Bakery on Cable Street. Go into the back room east of the yard and search for the hidden east door. In here you will find cages full of cats. Use the wire cutters to "cut" wires, or "untwist" wires depending on which works for each wire. You'll get a pet cat.

CRYPT ROBBER, in which you broke into an ancient crypt. (1 QP)
Having completed the VETERAN EXPLORER quest below and killed the greater demon then head north once. In this room, you have to "open coffin". This is disguised as a stone table. Then you can "get all" from the coffin.

DADDY'S LITTLE HELPER, in which you put an end to an old man's thirst. (2 QP)
On the docks northeast of Cockbill Street and just west of Ankh Bridge, you'll find a pier with Pa Abigayle on it. He says he's thirsty. If you get him the drink he asks for, you'll get the quest. Some of these are in the tented tavern a few rooms to the west.

ELECTRICK MARSTAR, in which you made a meal of the electrick. (6 QP)
Skills: 100 bonus, 70 crafts.culinary.butchering bonus
Items: sausage (All Hours Cafe on Dimwell Street)
Items: ground garlic (in witch gardens, scrogden garden, or terrains outside Djb - Grind in a grinder in a witch's house)
Items: scumble (from any tavern)
Items: shot/measure glass (any nearby tavern)
Items: 1 bottle of beer (any nearby tavern)
Items: brandy (wine shop on Washer Way only)
Items: lard (tub in Gimlet's back room)
Items: flour (bag in Gimlet's back room)
Go to Thomas Eddiesson's house on Cable Street and:
"say Hey Igor. What is the recipe for fatsup? How would you make it?"
"say What sort of spirit based alcohol alcoholic bribe would you like, Igor?"
"bribe" the Igor upstairs with the scumble.
He'll give you a receipe that involves the items listed above. First you need to mix those, then fix the stove afterward, when you're ready to cook. Here's a step by step guide to mixing:
search dresser
get pan
fill shot glass from water bottle
pour shot glass into pan
fill shot glass from beer
pour shot glass into pan
Basically the beer has to be in a 1:1 ratio to the water. As far as the amount, keep adding water and beer in the above ratios until the pan is about half full. But the net result should be that the pan only has "watery beer" in it. If you have too much of one liquid, it will look like "watery beer and water", which means you should add a little more beer. Next:
put a lot of ground garlic in pan
get garlic from pan
This works because excess solid ingredients can be removed from the pan, unlike liquids. You should now have only "garlicky watery beer" in your pan. Next:
put a lot of flour in pan
get flour from pan
You should now have "beer and garlic gravy". Next:
put a lot of lard in pan
get lard from pan
You should now have "greasy beer and garlic gravy". Next:
fill shot glass 1/100 full from brandy
pour shot glass into pan
Repeat the brandy step 1 drop at a time until you only have only "alcoholic gravy" in the pan. Next: put sauages in slicer
slice all in slicer
get all from slicer
put all sausages in pan
get sausages from pan
This should give you "uncooked fatsup". Next you need to fix the stove. "turn stove up" and it should indicate a faulty wire. "repair" that wire and keep trying until it's ready to cook. Turn the stove up to 120 or so, and pay very close attention to messages indicating how fast the fatsup is cooking, and "check temp on stove". If it's cooking too quickly, turn it down. If it's cooking too slowly, turn it up. You'll have to adjust the temperature at least a few times. If you fail at the cooking, you'll get an icky mess and have to start over from the very beginning. If you succeed in getting cooked fatsup, give it to Thomas. He'll give you a light bulb.

ELECTRICKALLY MARSTERED, in which you put yourself through pain to brew the perfect cup. (5 QP)
Skills: 190+ other.movement.climbing.rock bonus, 161+ other.movement.climbing.rope bonus, 176+ other.movement.acrobatics.balancing bonus
Items: copper rod (from the shelf in the Witch Cottage in Mad Stoat)
Weather: Thunderstorm
Go to the clock tower north of the Five Ways intersection. Go northeast, northwest, then search the slab and move it. Go down and talk to Igor. Go back outside the tower and "climb up" twice, then "climb rope". Go south and "climb up" again. "hold copper stick", "grasp pole", then "touch wire with stick". If there's a thunderstorm on presumably lightening strikes and something horrid happens. Go back down to Igor and start twisting dials and flipping switches, then pull the lever to see what coffee results.

GUIDE TO THE UNDEAD, in which you helped someone begin anew. (2 QP)
There is a "human zombie" somewhere wandering around - I've seen on him the southeast end of Dock Street April 2008, so he's still around. Apparently he's usually on Dock Street, but I rarely see him. Say "follow" and lead him to the fresh start club alley in the eastern part of Elm Street or the nearest bar. This is a specific zombie, not the ones wandering around obsessing about brains.

HEART OF GOLD, in which you comforted someone far from home. (2 QP)
Weather: Snowing
Items: Snowball ("make snowball" in a room where it is snowing)
In a house on Quarry Lane go north into a kitchen. You may need to "move" or "search" the rug, and go down into the basement. There should be a troll there: if so, give him the snowball.

KINKY SHOPPER, in which you purchased some interesting (Know what I mean? Eh?) underwear. (1 QP)
Items: $7.50
Go to the Martial arts store on Heroes Street and "nudge" then "wink" at Number One Son. Then say "know what i mean?" and he'll give you a key and lead you into the secret room. Buy one of the kinky items stocked there.

MASTER OF CEREMONIES, in which you performed a mystic ceremony. (4 QP)
There are two ways to do this quest:
Items: 1 eagle feather per participant (from Bandit Camp eagle quest - a repeatable quest)
1) For wizards and witches: Between 11:30pm and 12:30am Disc time, walk diagnally (northwest/southeast) through the connected rooms at the bottom of the tower of Art until you are magically transported to a room in the clouds. Place the eagle feather on the statue.
2) For priests, assassins, warriors and thieves: This involves three players, once of which should be a priest. Read the book in the tower of the mansion near the intersection of Short Street with Attick Bee. First the priest should say "sulamore" and then "galimore". The other two should then say "duvanti".

MASTER POTTER, in which you helped a craftsman deliver his wares. (4 QP)
Skills: 80 crafts.pottery.forming.throwing bonus
Skills: 190 crafts.pottery.forming.shaping bonus
Skills: 101 crafts.pottery.glazing bonus
Skills: 107 crafts.pottery.firing bonus
Items: Maybe $10 if shaping skills are quite a bit higher than listed above, otherwise $50-100
After completing the POTTER'S FRIEND quest, make 5 plates and 5 bowls in the Potter's workshop on the north end of Cockbill Street. Buy clay in the northern room, and the rest of the tools are available to use in the wheel room. Steps:
1) "throw" the clay onto the wheel
2) unhold all
3) "mould" the clay into a plate or bowl
4) get the plate or bowl from the wheel
5) get and hold the brush
6) "glaze" the plate or bowl with the cochineal glaze
7) wait for the plate to dry (the glaze doesn't need to)
8) put the plate or bowl (multiples can be done at the same time as well) into the kiln
9) "check" items in the kiln until they're done. There's no harm done leaving them in too long.
10) get and hold the tongs
11) get the items from the kiln and put them on the drying rack if you want them to cool faster The plates have to be plain, pleasant, or fine for the potter to accept them. The glaze can be as crappy as you like and the potter won't care. Take the plates, some at a time or all at once, to the wandering potter and say "help" and then "assist". Give him the plates and bowls and you'll get 1 shiny dollar for each.

MATEFINDER, in which you helped a pair in a gender non-specific way. (3 QP)
Find Gritjaw Thighsplitter wandering in AM, usually in the section bordered to the north by Dock Street, to the west by Treacle Mine, to the south by Cheap Street, and to the east by Short Street and the Ankh River. Say that you know his name is Graben, then ay that Dia Shale sent you, then say that Dia said the marriage is approved. You don't need to go to Creel Springs.

MEMENTO LOCATOR, in which you returned a loved one's gift to its rightful owner. (2 QP)
From Pa Abigale on the dock road, go down and "search dirt". Go south, then east, and enter shop. Give the scarf to Elsie.

ONNA ROCKS!, in which you lose a few stone to stop some trolls moan. (4 QP)
Skills: a major skill branch (faith, covert, fighting, magic) higher than level 75
Items: a few dollars
If your skill branch is high enough, go to Mr. Cheese in the Bucket Inn on the northeast end of Cleam Street. First be sure you have at least two names set in your finger info. He won't know if they're fake, but they should be different than your character name. Say you want a job or offer to help. When he asks about what you're good at, say the name of your highest major skill branch. He'll tell you to bring him certain items:
sulphur (from Alchemists' Guild shop on Street of Alchemists)
gold (a gold ring will work)
silver (a silver ring will work or silver paint from Isle of Gods paint shop)
flint (bagel shop on Quarry Lane)
sandstone (Gimlet's on Cable Street)
cinnabar (red pebble from troll vendor rock shop on Quarry Lane)
iron ore (from Alchemists' Guild shop on Street of Alchemists)
micholite (purple mineral from Alchemists' Guild shop on Street of Alchemists)
quartz (pink doughnut from Gimlet's on Cable Street)
granite (granite kebabs from Gimlet's on Cable Street)
slate (grey pebble from troll vendor or rock shop on Quarry Lane or slate grey paint from Isle of Gods paint shop)
ash (Filigree or Elm Street smithies, sweepable with a broom from Street of Small Gods smithy)
clay (potter shop on Cockbill Street)
lime (fruit shop on Baker Street)
Bring them to Mr. Cheese and he'll give you an electrum link that can be rubbed.

POTTER'S FRIEND, in which you helped a craftsman continue his work. (3 QP)
Skills: 123 bonus
Items: claw hammer (tool shop on Ettercap Street)
Items: nails (odds and ends shop on east end of Plaza of Broken Moons)
Go to the pottery shop on the north end of Cockbill Street, hold the hammer, and "repair" the wheel with the nails.

PRACTICAL JOKER, in which you doused a souse. (2 QP)
Go to the XXXX shop just north of the west end of Filigree Street and buy a tin of beer. Leave the shop "shake" the tin four times, until it says whoever opens it will have a frothy surprise. Go back inside the shop and give the tin to Wozza.

PROLIFIC PASTER, in which you accomplished a sticky endeavour. (4 QP)
Go to the Dwarf Bread Museum and find Felicity. Say "problem" and "I’ll put up the posters for you" and she'll then give you some posters and glue. How many posters you need to put up depends on where you put them. The lines at the end of the room descriptions are no indication (it's crowded here, etc). What you need are rooms with lots of exits. Five or even six exits are great, but if you're somewhere like the Plaza of Broken Moons or Sator Square, don't put them too close together. To put up the posters, "apply" the glue to the poster and "paste" the poster in the room. If you need more posters or glue, go back to Felicity and say you need them. She might make you wait a bit.

ROCK STAR, in which you raked till you ached. (3 QP)
Skills: 175 or less other.movement.climbing.rock bonus (unhold all, no shoes, light burden)
Items: Rake (smithy on northeast side of Street of Small Gods)
Go to the shoe shop on Clay Lane and wander around until you can go east through a hidden exit. Go east until you can go no further, and "climb" the wall. Go west into the History Monks temple, and say "help" when Ludlakk is in the room. He'll give you a piece of paper with a grid design on it to be raked into the sand. "rake" the grid based on the grid coordinates, to form the letters and symbols displayed. "syntax rake" is very helpful. If you cross over a previously raked section, you'll have to rake it again. Before you start, look at the design on the paper and figure out you're path for going back and forth while avoiding the rocks.

SEASONED EXPLORER, in which you discovered a hidden dungeon. (? QP)
First go to the flats on Short Street just south of Street of Small Gods. Go all the way upstairs, and into the south flat. Go into the bedroom and go "up" then "search nest" to get the weather-beaten key. Take the key and go to the mansion across the street. Inside, "press switch" and go down. Don't wander around further unless you know what you're doing.

SHORT CHANGED, in which you learned the true meaning of 'No pain no gain'. (4 QP)
Items: a friend
When in the Dwarf museum, you need to get a scone give ticket to the dwarf and eat it repeatedly until you get a message which says 'a good jolt will knock your tooth out'. You can get a scone from the water dunking game in the museum. Now this is the tricky part as you need your tooth. You have to go to the game, in which you have to knock a platform to the ceiling. The person who wants the tooth must stand on the platform and someone must knock the platform up to the roof. This knocks out your tooth but the person hitting the platform needs to have a strength stat. above level 22. The tooth should be placed under the pillow on the bed in the hidden room at the entrance to the museum, the key can be found inside a grain from the lucky dip or the door can be lpicked. Search walls. Lie on the bed, then sleep...repeat this until you get the quest and one dollar from the tooth fairy.

SKIPPY, in which you made them bounce. (3 QP)
Skills: 151 or less fighting.range.thrown bonus
Go down from Pa Abigail on the dock on Dock Street and search a while to find various rocks. "skip" the rocks until you get the quest.

SYMPATHETIC, in which you brought happiness through compassion. (1 QP)
Find the wandering sad man near the intersection Attic Bee and Short street (sometimes in Brother David's) and "comfort" him. There are other "sad men", but this one has a shorter description.

TOP SCORER, in which you got kicked around by a bunch of playful trolls, repeatedly. (3 QP)
Skills: 50+ fighting.unarmed.striking bonus to score goals
Skills: fighting.defense.dodging to avoid being hit
Items: obsidian boots OPTIONAL (bought from injured troll)
Go to the room with the injured troll on Quarry Lane and "join game" to play. You can leave the game if you're getting too hurt. Score 8 times to get the quest. You may want to drop the trophies to avoid burdening while playing. After each score, "join game" again to play more.

UNCOBBLED, in which you shooed some obnoxious shoes. (1 QP)
As you wander around AM, an evil cobbler might pop out and put nasty shoes on you. "untie" the laces to get the quest.

VETERAN EXPLORER, in which you discovered new areas in the hidden dungeon. (4 QP)
Skills: Unknown, some fighting.
To complete this quest, you will need first of all the amulet wind demon upstairs in the Old Mansion on Short Street. To get this go upstairs to the first level, go west into the room there and then "search". This will reveal a hidden exit to the north. Go north then go west into a hidden corridor. Go south into another room. You will need to disarm the trap in this room before going south. You will need to either lpick the door to the south or get the key from the dwarf corpse mentioned in the Axe Dealer quest. By either method, head south after disarming the trap and in this room is the wind demon. To get the demon to appear, you will need to open the box on the table with "open box". This can be done only once per reset. You will then need to kill the demon after which it drops the amulet or it will be on its corpse. Get it but do not wear it as it breaks in combat very readily. You will then need to go downstairs and enter the hidden cellar as per the Seasoned Explorer quest. Where the dwarf corpse is, there is a blade trap. You will need to disarm the trap, or get it disarmed for you. Then head east once. To head east again, you will need the key given to you by Stavic or be able to lpick the door to the east. Go east using either method. There are usually 3 demons there. You will need to kill them, or get help doing so. Once they are dead, go east again, where there is usually a banshee. To get rid of the banshee, you need the amulet taken from the wind demon. Use demon on banshee, or use amulet on banshee and it should disappear and the amulet will crumble. Then disarm the trap in this room gas trap. In the next room east is the greater demon. To kill this demon, you will need to have done the Master of Ceremonies quest or you can also get someone to kill it for you. Reaching this room will get you the Veteran Explorer Quest. Go on now to the Crypt Robber quest above. One of the above directions is wrong, and should involve going "up".

WALLEYED, in which you freed a mason. (4 QP)
Skills: 200 other.perception bonus, 100-115+ other.culture.ankh-morporkian bonus
Items: measuring tape, chisel, and crowbar (tool shop on Ettercap Street)
Go to the west side of Ankh-Morpork, along Endless Street. There's a wall you can look at in each room starting 5 rooms n/nw of Limping Gate and going to one south of Shambling Gate. These are the only rooms the quest will be in. In that first wall room closest to Limping Gate (the room mentions a violin), you can "search" wall to find a piece of paper. A random wall room will have the next step in the quest. To find the room, start at one end of the wall and "measure wall" with the measuring tape until you see something about an odd stone and crumbling mortar. "chip" at the mortar with the crowbar until the mortar is gone, then "lever" the block with your crowbar until the block comes out.

WEIGHT WATCHER, in which you realised that sometimes you have to be kind to be cruel. (4 QP)
Items: 5 watermelons (fruit shop on Baker Street, or free outside Djelibeybi), and a knife
Find Louis Bingham as he wanders AM. Cut the watermelons and watermelon sections until you have a sixteenth, and give Bingham one sixteenth at a time. Wait until he's finished one before giving him the next. This is based on number of food items, not on weight or value, and you need to give him at least 50. Eventually he'll explode.