View source for Quest:Western Morpork quests

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<onlyinclude>{{Questform|Accomplice|were an accomplice in a burglary|2|location=Western Morpork|
Items: 1 large satchel (shop on Ettercap Street, wandering AM wizards, wandering travellers on sto plains roads, bag shop in Djelibeybi)
In one of the houses on the western part of Elm Street there is a cat burglar busy stealing stuff but he needs a bigger bag to hold it. Give him the large satchel.
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{{Questform|Apprentice Campanologist|made the bells ring out over the city|3|location=Western Morpork|
Skills: 100-115 minimum adventuring.movement.climbing.rope bonus, 100-125 minimum adventuring.acrobatics.balancing bonus.
Items: Tin of rust remover (see HANDYMAN quest)
Go inside the bell tower north from Five-Ways (intersection) in southwest AM.  "climb rope" in one of the rooms to get onto the beam, then go northeast.  You might see Hugo there if he hasn't fallen off.  Go to the part of the beam with the bell and "repair bell with tin" then "ring bell".  You might lose your balance a few times, so just heal up and try again until you get lucky. I think you need the basic guild-taught levels in vaulting to get handhold on the rope, kept failing with ad.mo.cl.rope bonus way above 115 until i advanced it.
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{{Questform|Apprentice Journalist|defied authority and stepped up for freedom|2|location=Western Morpork|
Find Sacharissa wandering around AM.  Say 'help' to her and she will give you a report and tell you to bring it to William de Worde, who is in the AM Times building off the north end of Gleam Street. When you give it to him he will ask you to find a matching picture for it, and to give the picture and report to Mr. Goodmountain who will print an article for it. Go downstairs in the AM Times building, and "search iconographs". You need to find the iconograph which matches the report ("read report").  Once you have this, go back to Mr. Goodmountain and give the report and the iconograph to him. He will make a print out of it and give it to you. Give this print to William de Worde to get the quest. You also get A$20.
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{{Questform|Bush Whacker|beat around the bush|3|location=Western Morpork|
Skills: 125 (less may work) adventuring.movement.climing.rock bonus.
Go north as far as you can in the park off of Goose Gate Road in Ankh-Morpork. Then head east to enter the maze. From the frog, go E, SE, NE, S, NW, NE, SE, N, N, W, W, W, SE, W.  Climb the gate and you have completed the quest.
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{{Questform|Cat Reliever|relieved some felines from relieving|2|location=Western Morpork|
Items: wire cutters from the tool shop on Ettercap Street
Ironcrust's Bakery on Cable Street. Go into the back room east of the yard and search for the hidden east door. In here you will find cages full of cats. Use the wire cutters to "cut" wires, or "untwist" wires depending on which works for each wire.  You'll get a pet cat.
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{{Questform|Coin Collector|proved yours was the best|3|location=Western Morpork|
Items: tatty old magazine, mahogany display case; both bought at Coin Corner.
Go to the Coin Pitt on The Pitts Inside the Coin Pitt find Urotho who will tell you that he wants to buy rare coin collections. Reading the magazine obtained from Coin Corner you will find a list of coins which will satisfy his needs. Buy a display case for the coins (any type will do). The shop sells all needed coins but won't have them all in stock all the time. When you have a complete collection return to Urotho and give him the whole collection to claim the quest (Note: the names from the magazine will not always match the names in the shop exactly; for example, a "very old Omnian obol" is sold in the shop as "an ancient Omnian obol").
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{{Questform|Daddy's Little Helper|put an end to an old man's thirst|2|location=Western Morpork|
On the docks northeast of Cockbill Street and just west of Ankh Bridge, you'll find a pier with Pa Abigayle on it. He says he's thirsty. If you get him the drink he asks for, you'll get the quest.  Some of these are in the tented tavern a few rooms to the west.
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{{Questform|Electrick Marstar|made a meal of the electrick|6|location=Western Morpork|
Skills: 100 crafts.culinary.cooking bonus, 70 crafts.culinary.butchering bonus
Items: sausage (All Hours Cafe on Dimwell Street)
Items: ground garlic (in the garden of Temple of Small Gods, witch gardens, Scrogden garden, or terrains outside Djelibeybi - Grind in a grinder in a witch's house)
Items: scumble (from any tavern)
Items: shot/measure glass (any nearby tavern)
Items: 1 bottle of beer (any nearby tavern)
Items: lard (tub in Gimlet's back room)
Items: flour (bag in Gimlet's back room)
Items: 1 bottle of water (fill from the sink in Ironcrust's Bakery)

Go to Thomas Eddiesson's house on Cable Street and: 
  "say Hey Igor. What is the recipe for fatsup? How would you make it?"
  "say What sort of spirit based alcohol alcoholic bribe would you like, Igor?"
  "bribe" the Igor upstairs with the scumble.

He'll give you a recipe that involves the items listed above.  First you need to mix those, then fix the stove afterward, when you're ready to cook.  Here's a step by step guide to mixing:
  search dresser
  get pan
  fill shot glass from water bottle
  pour shot glass into pan
  fill shot glass from beer
  pour shot glass into pan

Basically the beer has to be in a 1:1 ratio to the water.  As far as the amount, keep adding water and beer in the above ratios until the pan is about half full.  But the net result should be that the pan only has "watery beer" in it.  If you have too much of one liquid, it will look like "watery beer and water", which means you should add a little more beer.

Next:
  put a lot of ground garlic in pan
  get garlic from pan
This works because excess solid ingredients can be removed from the pan, unlike liquids.  You should now have only "garlicky watery beer" in your pan.

Next:
  put a lot of flour in pan
  get flour from pan
You should now have "beer and garlic gravy".

Next:
  put a lot of lard in pan
  get lard from pan
You should now have "greasy beer and garlic gravy".

Next:
  put sausages in slicer
  slice all in slicer
  get all from slicer
  put all sausages in pan
  get sausages from pan
This should give you "uncooked fatsup".

''***TANGATHOR 03/28/11***''
(In addition to the above information, I found the solution for me included "Brandy" in a very minimal amount)
  I used-
9 Shot Glasses of Water
9 Shot Glasses of Beer
12 Drops of Brandy (1/32 of a Phial (Buy a brandy, then "Fill phial 1/32 from Brandy")
<add garlic, flour, and lard then remove>
3-4 sausages (depending on the number of slices you get from the slicer...i added then 1 at a time then checked the pan to ensure it was all turning to "Uncooked Fatsup"
as I was NOT able to remove sausage from the pan for some reason)

Next you need to fix the stove.
  "turn stove up" and it should indicate a faulty wire.
  "repair" that wire and keep trying until it's ready to cook.

Turn the stove up to 120 or so, and pay very close attention to messages indicating how fast the fatsup is cooking, and "check temp on stove".  If it's cooking too quickly, turn it down.  If it's cooking too slowly, turn it up.  You'll have to adjust the temperature at least a few times.

If you fail at the cooking, you'll get an icky mess and have to start over from the very beginning.

If you succeed in getting "congealed fatsup", give it to Thomas.  He'll give you a light bulb.
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{{Questform|Electrickally Marstered|put yourself through pain to brew the perfect cup|7|location=Western Morpork|
Skills: 190+ adventuring.movement.climbing.rock bonus
Skills: 161+ adventuring.movement.climbing.rope bonus 
Skills: 176+ adventuring.acrobatics.balancing bonus
(Note that you'll need much higher skills if you are too burdened.)

Items: copper stick (from the shelf in the Witch Cottage in Mad Stoat)
Time: Night (this allows the button to induce thunder and lightning)
Weather: medium cloud cover or more, gentle breeze was enough, no precipitations needed

Go to the clock tower north of the Five Ways intersection. "Look tubes" to make sure one hasn't burst recently from someone else doing the quest - if it is burst you have to wait until the room regens (30 minutes on average).

Go northeast, northwest, "move slab".  Go down and "push button" to make the weather nasty on the roof. This changes to weather in the pole room on the roof to be two levels more cloudy, more windy and cooler and torrential rain. This needs to be enough to make it a storm. See the [[weather]] and [[temperature]] pages for the levels.

Go back outside the tower and "climb up" twice, then "climb rope".  Go south and "climb up" again, then go north to the center of the roof.

With FULL HP "hold copper stick", "grasp pole", then "touch wire with stick".  If there's a thunderstorm on ("Peals of thunder and streaks of lightning rend the sky.") you will be struck by lightning, go flying off the roof and probably break a leg and end up with less than 5 hp.

Go back to the basement room, optionally set the dials and switches on the machine, and "pull lever". It should make some kind of coffee.
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{{Questform|Guide To The Undead|helped someone begin anew|2|location=Western Morpork|
There is a "human zombie" somewhere wandering around Ankh-Morpork. This is a specific zombie, not the ones wandering around obsessing about brains.

He's been spotted on the southeast end of Dock Street April 2008, on Dock Street, outside the jewellery shop along the docks in April 2010.

Say "follow" and lead him to the fresh start club alley in the eastern part of Elm Street or the nearest bar.
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{{Questform|Heart Of Gold|comforted someone far from home|2|location=Western Morpork|
Items: Snowball ("make snowball" in a room where it is snowing. The snowy area doesn't have to be Ankh-Morpork)
In a house in the middle-ish bit of Quarry Lane go north into a kitchen.  You may need to "move" or "search" the rug, and go down into the basement.  There should be a troll there: if so, give him the snowball.
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{{Questform|Kinky Shopper|purchased some interesting (Know what I mean? Eh?) underwear|1|location=Western Morpork|
Items: $7.50
Go to the Martial Aids store on Heroes Street and "nudge" then "wink" at Number One Son. Then say "know what i mean?" and he'll give you a key and lead you into the secret room.  Buy one of the kinky items stocked there.
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{{Questform|Master Potter|helped a craftsman deliver his wares|4|location=Western Morpork|
Skills: 80 crafts.pottery.forming.throwing bonus
Skills: 190 crafts.pottery.forming.shaping bonus
Skills: 101 crafts.pottery.glazing bonus
Skills: 107 crafts.pottery.firing bonus
Items: Maybe $10 if shaping skills are quite a bit higher than listed above, otherwise $50-100
After completing the POTTER'S FRIEND quest, make 5 plates and 5 bowls in the Potter's workshop on the north end of Cockbill Street.  Buy clay in the northern room, and the rest of the tools are available to use in the wheel room.  Steps:
1) "throw" the clay onto the wheel
2) unhold all
3) "mould" the clay into a plate or bowl
4) get the plate or bowl from the wheel
5) get and hold the brush
6) "glaze" the plate or bowl with the cochineal glaze
7) wait for the plate to dry (the glaze doesn't need to)
8) "fire" the plate or bowl (multiples can be done at the same time as well) in the kiln. The success message is "You select a shelf, carefully place a (item) in the kiln and adjust the air flow." and the failure message is "You put a (item) in the kiln.". If you get a failure message the item will explode, but you can get the item from the kiln while holding tongs and try to fire it again once it cools.
9) "check" items in the kiln until they're done.  There's no harm done leaving them in too long.
10) get and hold the tongs
11) get the items from the kiln and put them on the drying rack if you want them to cool faster
The plates have to be plain, pleasant, or fine for the potter to accept them.  The glaze can be as crappy as you like and the potter won't care.  Take the plates, some at a time or all at once, to the wandering potter and say "help" and then "assist".   Give him the plates and bowls and you'll get 1 shiny dollar for each.
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{{Questform|Matefinder|helped a pair in a gender non-specific way|3|location=Western Morpork|
Find Gritjaw Thighsplitter wandering in AM, usually in the section bordered to the north by Dock Street, to the west by Treacle Mine, to the south by Cheap Street, and to the east by Short Street and the Ankh River.  Say that you know his name is Graben, then say that Dia Shale sent you, then say that Dia said the marriage is approved.  You don't need to go to Creel Springs for this quest.
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{{Questform|Onna Rocks!|lose a few stone to stop some trolls moan|4|location=Western Morpork|
Skills: a major skill branch (faith, covert, fighting, magic) higher than level 75
Items: a few dollars
If your skill branch is high enough, go to Mr. Cheese in the Bucket Inn on the northeast end of Gleam Street.
First be sure you have at least two names set in your finger info.  He won't know if they're fake, but they should be different than your character name.  Say you want a job or offer to help.  When he asks about what you're good at, say the name of your highest major skill branch.  He'll tell you to bring him certain items:
sulphur (from Alchemists' Guild shop on Street of Alchemists)
gold (a gold ring will work)
silver (a silver ring will work or silver paint from Isle of Gods paint shop)
flint (bagel shop on Quarry Lane)
sandstone (Gimlet's on Cable Street)
cinnabar (red pebble from troll vendor rock shop on Quarry Lane)
iron ore (from Alchemists' Guild shop on Street of Alchemists)
lead ore (from Alchemists' Guild shop on Street of Alchemists)
copper ore (from Alchemists' Guild shop on Street of Alchemists)
micholite (purple mineral from Alchemists' Guild shop on Street of Alchemists)
quartz (rosy-quartz pink doughnut from Quarry Bagel Shop (rock bakery) on Quarry Lane)
granite (granite kebabs from Gimlet's on Cable Street)
slate (grey pebble from troll vendor or rock shop on Quarry Lane or slate grey paint from Isle of Gods paint shop)
ash (Filigree or Elm Street smithies, sweepable with a broom from Street of Small Gods smithy)
clay (potter shop on Cockbill Street)
lime (this is mineral lime - "grey pebble" from Mit-sin-bibh-khot's World of Rare Reagents, the shop in the IIL in DJB, works for this)
Bring them to Mr. Cheese and he'll give you an electrum link that can be rubbed.
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{{Questform|Potter's Friend|helped a craftsman continue his work|3|location=Western Morpork|
Skills: 109+ crafts.carpentry.furniture bonus 
Items: a hammer (any sort, the tool shop on Ettercap Street sells several)
Items: three nails (odds and ends shop on east end of Plaza of Broken Moons)
Go to the pottery shop on the north end of Cockbill Street, hold the hammer, and "fix" the wheel with the nails.
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{{Questform|Practical Joker|doused a souse|2|location=Western Morpork|
Go to the XXXX shop just north of the west end of Filigree Street and buy a tin of beer.  Leave the shop "shake" the tin four times, until it says whoever opens it will have a frothy surprise.  Go back inside the shop and give the tin to Wozza.
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{{Questform|Prolific Paster|accomplished a sticky endeavour|4|location=Western Morpork|
Go to the Dwarf Bread Museum and find Felicity.  Say "problem" and "I’ll put up the posters for you" and she'll then give you some posters and glue.  How many posters you need to put up depends on where you put them.  The lines at the end of the room descriptions are no indication (it's crowded here, etc).  What you need are rooms with lots of exits.  Five or even six exits are great, but if you're somewhere like the Plaza of Broken Moons or Sator Square, don't put them too close together.  To put up the posters, "apply" the glue to the poster and "paste" the poster in the room.  If you need more posters or glue, go back to Felicity and say you need them.  She might make you wait a bit.
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{{Questform|Punching Bag|carried around a carcass|1|location=Western Morpork|
Items: Side of beef (Butcher on God's Collar)
Items: Meat hook (Shop on Morpork Street)
Items: Hemp rope (Balboni's apartment)

Go to Stony Balboni's apartment near the eastern end of Pony Parts. The entrance is hidden and can be accessed using "climb staircase". 
Search the junk in his apartment for a hemp rope. Give him the rope, meat hook and side of beef.
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{{Questform|Rock Star|raked till you ached|3|location=Western Morpork|
Skills: 128 or more adventuring.movement.climbing.rock bonus (unhold all, no shoes, light burden)
Items: Rake (smithy on northeast side of Street of Small Gods)
Go to the Shonky Shop on Clay Lane and wander around until you get to the room with Brother Soon Shine Sun. Go through the hidden exit east here then continue east to a yard with a locked gate. "Climb" the wall and go west into the History Monks temple, then say "help" when Ludlakk is in the room. He'll give you a piece of paper with a grid design on it to be raked into the sand.  "rake" the grid based on the grid coordinates, to form the letters and symbols displayed. "syntax rake" is very helpful.  If you cross over a previously raked section, you'll have to rake it again. Before you start, look at the design on the paper and figure out you're path for going back and forth while avoiding the rocks.
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{{Questform|Short Changed|learned the true meaning of 'No pain, no gain'|4|location=Western Morpork|
Items: a few dollars (or tickets, if you have some from completing Prolific Paster), and possibly a friend depending on how you want to do it
When in the Dwarf museum, you need to get your tooth jolted out.  There are multiple ways to loosen it and finally knock it out:
*Eating the scone from the water dunking game. (The scone is not consumed.)
*Eating a tessera won from a game. (The tessera is not consumed.)
*Eating dwarf bread prizes bought with tessera. (Misfortune cookies are consumed, but others aren't.)
*Standing on the platform of the strength tester and having someone else play the game.

If you get messages about your tooth feeling a bit looser, etc., then it's working.  You may need to wait a little while in between eating the scone or tesserae (alternatively, you may not get a message every time it's loosened a bit).

At the entrance to the museum, search the walls to find the hidden room and unlock the door using the key that can be won from the lucky dip game. You could also pick the door, but a bonus of 327 in covert.lockpick.doors fail repeatedly. Place the tooth under the pillow, lie on the bed and then sleep... Repeat this until you get the quest and one dollar from the tooth fairy.
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{{Questform|Sympathetic|brought happiness through compassion|1|location=Western Morpork|
Find the wandering sad man near the intersection Attic Bee and Short street (sometimes in Brother David's) and "comfort" him.  There are other "sad men", but this one has a shorter description.
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{{Questform|Top Scorer|got kicked around by a bunch of playful trolls, repeatedly|3|location=Western Morpork|
Skills: up to 125 fighting.unarmed.striking bonus to score goals
Skills: fighting.defence.dodging to avoid being hit
Skills: ad.perception to avoid running into people (might TM during play)
Skills: fi.ra.thrown may also help with scoring, TMs during play if low
Items: obsidian boots OPTIONAL (bought from injured troll)
Go to the room with the injured troll on Quarry Lane and "join game" to play.  You can leave the game if you're getting too hurt. You can also use curing rituals during the game. Score 8 times to get the quest.   You may want to drop the trophies to avoid burdening while playing.  After each score, "join game" again to play more.
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{{Questform|Walleyed|freed a mason|4|location=Western Morpork|
Skills: 200+ adventuring.perception bonus (200 will succeed infrequently when measuring), 120+ people.culture.ankh-morporkian bonus
Items: measuring tape, chisel, and crowbar (tool shop on Ettercap Street)
Go to the west side of Ankh-Morpork, along Endless Street.  There's a wall you can look at in each room starting 5 rooms n/nw of Limping Gate and going to one south of Shambling Gate.  These are the only rooms the quest will be in.  In a random wall room, you can "search wall" to find a piece of paper.  Another random wall room will have the next step in the quest.  To find the room, start at one end of the wall and "measure wall" with the measuring tape until you see something about an odd stone and crumbling mortar. Measuring too many times within a given time period will cause your eyes to cross and you will have to wait several minutes for them to uncross to continue. Once you have found the correct wall room, "chip mortar" while holding the chisel until the mortar is gone, then "lever block" while holding the crowbar until the block comes out.
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{{Includequest3|Haunted Mansion quests}}</onlyinclude>

[[Category:Quest pages]]