Quest:Morpork quests

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Contents

ACCOMPLICE, in which you were an accomplice in a burglary. (2 QP)

Items: 1 large satchel (shop on Ettercap Street, wandering AM wizards, wandering travellers on sto plains roads, bag shop in Djelibeybi)
In one of the houses on the western part of Elm Street there is a cat burglar busy stealing stuff but he needs a bigger bag to hold it. Give him the large satchel.

APPRENTICE BAKER, in which you helped a baker keep up with demand. (6 QP)

Skills: 100-103 crafts.culinary.baking bonus absolute minimum to ever succeed.
You need: 10+ dried frog powder (apothecary on Prouts just north of Apothecary Gardens)
Go to Argle's bakery on the south end of Baker Street and "apply" for a job. Wait until Argle lists two possible values for each of a couple ingredients, then go south into the kitchen. Write down those values he listed (usually 3 or 4 scoops flour, 1 or 2 pourings of water, 1 or 2 pinches of salt, variable amount of goo, and always just 1 pinch dried frog). The commands are:
scoop flour into oven
pour water into oven
pour goo into oven
place salt in oven
place frog in oven
pull lever on stove
Repeat each ingredient depending on how much of each you want in the recipe, using Argle's suggestions as a starting point. You can make this task easy for yourself by drawing up a table on paper of each of your tries and the results yes, be scientific. Take heed of what comes out of the oven because say if it "lacks bulk" you need more flour, if it's dry or brittle you need more water, if it has salt crystals you need less salt. If it has been "inexpertly baked" you failed the skill check so you need to try again with the same ingredients until you pass the skill check (it's a bit random). It is a good idea to bury the stuff that comes out of the stove as soon as you've examined it so you don't get confused. Keep going, doing a guess and check routine based on your table and when you get bread, go north and give it to the baker. You receive AM$8 when quest is complete.

APPRENTICE CAMPANOLOGIST, in which you made the bells ring out over the city. (3 QP)

Skills: 100-115 minimum other.movement.climbing.rope bonus, 100-125 minimum other.movement.acrobatics.balancing bonus.
Items: Tin of rust remover (see HANDYMAN quest)
Go inside the bell tower north from Five-Ways (intersection) in southwest AM. "climb rope" in one of the rooms to get onto the beam, then go northeast. You might see Hugo there if he hasn't fallen off. Go to the part of the beam with the bell and "repair bell with tin" then "ring bell". You might lose your balance a few times, so just heal up and try again til you get lucky.

APPRENTICE JOURNALIST, in which you defied authority and stepped up for freedom. (2 QP)

Find Sacharissa wandering around AM. Say 'help' to her and she will give you a report and tell you to bring it to William de Worde, who is in the AM Times building off the north end of Gleam Street. When you give it to him he will ask you to find a matching picture for it, and to give the picture and report to Mr. Goodmountain who will print an article for it. Go downstairs in the AM Times building, and "search iconographs". You need to find the iconograph which matches the report ("read report"). Once you have this, go back to Mr. Goodmountain and give the report and the iconograph to him. He will make a print out of it and give it to you. Give this print to William de Worde to get the quest. You also get A$20.

APPRENTICE TANNER, in which you kept an odd man from getting stuck. (1 QP)

Buy a thimble from the odds and ends shop on the eastern side of Plaza of Broken Moons and go to the tannery, on the northwest side of the Plaza. Give Griffith the thimble, and you might get a few levels of crafts.materials.tanning or .leatherwork. Griffith seems to get rid of his thimbles fairly often (either after each time the quest is done or after each room reset (30-60 minutes), so this quest is actually possible to do now.

AURIENTAL ARITHMETICIAN, in which you figured it out and wrote it down. (2 QP)

Skills: 60 other.language.agatean.spoken
Skills: other.language.agatean.written may need to be near max
Skills: 180+ bonus in crafts.arts.calligraphy.
Items: pieces of paper to write on (chapbook pages, odds and ends on east side of Plaza of Broken Moons).
Go to the Salt Shaker on the southeast end of Upper Broadway, near the Pepper Pot. In the ground level flat is a family of Agateans. While speaking Agatean, "sayto ichi one", "sayto ni two", "sayto san three", "sayto shi four". Shi should then ask you (in Agatean) to write his name. Write "four" (without quotes) in Agatean on a piece of paper using the calligraphy brush and inkwell from the bedroom to the north. If the calligraphy is neat ("simple", "neat", etc) enough, give the paper to Shi to get the quest. Failing the written or calligraphy skill check may both display the same failure message.

AXE DEALER, in which you returned a dwarf's family heirloom. (2 QP)

Items: weather-beaten key (see SEASONED EXPLORER quest) or lockpicking abilities, a light source
Go to the mansion on Short Street, just south of the intersection with Attic Bee. "press switch" in the first room to reveal a stairway leading down. Make sure your light source is lit, and go down. Go one more room, and get the axe from the corpse, or from the floor if the corpse has decayed. Don't go any further in the cellar: retrace your steps upstairs and back out to Short Street. Go to the flats immediately east of the mansion, then into the south apartment on the ground floor. Go north into the bedroom (you'll hit your head on a bar and get hurt a bit if you don't "crawl"). Give the axe to Stavic.

BAR BRAWL CHAMPION, in which you defeated Detritus in not so single combat. (2 QP)

Go to the Mended Drum on the north end of Short street and start fighting Detritus. If he dies while still in combat with you (even if you're not in the room), you'll get the quest. And possibly arrested at some point for assaulting a Watch officer.

BELT BUCKLER, in which you made a useful item of apparel. (1 QP)

Items: a leather strip from the odds and ends shop on the east side of Plaza of Broken Moons.
Items: a buckle of any value from Rendtnor's jewellery shop on the northeast end of the Plaza.
Skills: 100 bonus in crafts.materials.leatherworking.
"attach" the buckle to the strip to make a belt. That's it.

BETHAN'S BUDDY, in which you helped out a busy wife. (5 QP)

In the second house south on the west side of Vagabond Street you will find Bethan. Say that you will 'help' her. She'll tell you to bring her toilet paper, dentures, and hot water. The roll of toilet paper is in a nearby house on vagabond street. For the dentures, go to the dentists in the Flintwick Building. Wait around a while and the dentist will eventually come out. Say that 'cohen needs dentures' and he will give you a voucher. For the cup of water, go to the edible cottage in Skund Forest, north of the intersection going northeast to Hillshire and southeast to Pekan Ford. Give all three items to Bethan, either one at a time or all at once. The edible house is no longer in a dangerous area (no wolves).

BUSH WHACKER, in which you beat around the bush. (3 QP)

Skills: 125 or less other.movement.climing.rock bonus. Go north as far as you can in the park off of Goose Gate Road in Ankh-Morpork. Then head east to enter the maze. From the frog, go E, SE, NE, S, NW, NE, SE, N, N, W, W, W, SE, W. Climb the gate and you have completed the quest.

CADAVER CORRODER, in which you burned the life back in. (4 QP)

Items: lemons, a few at a time or pickle them (fruit shop on baker street, fruit stall in Djelibeybi bazaar, fruit store on Garlic Street in Djelibeybi)
Items: rat corpses (search streets, plenty on sold part of Ankh River, or kill a few at a time in Rattigan's house on Contact Walk)
The first thing to do is go to the Alchemists' Guild on Street of Alchemists. On the first floor above ground level is a classroom with Bradley Weiss in it. Say "regurgitator" to get instructions, then "search shelves" repeatedly, but don't go AFK or anything because cockroaches sometimes crawl out of the shelves and into your ears. Ugh. "shake" a few times and kill the roaches before they crawl back in. You also might get hit with spilled acid when you search, but you can dodge this with decent bonus. Keep searching until you basically have vials filled with acids that are at least 10 different colours. Store them in a useful pack or satchel, then go get a few lemons and rat corpses from a source listed above. For the first few attempts, Bradley will tell you to use specific acid colours, so do as he says. They won't succeed of course, but you have to go through the motions for this quest. The commands are: attach corpse to harness
attach lemon to apparatus
pour vial into dish
flick switch
After doing the acids Bradley lists, you'll need to do another five or so to get the quest. At some point in the process, a giant rat dog might appear, and either try to eat you or become your pet. Oookay.

CAT RELIEVER, in which you relieved some felines from relieving. (2 QP)

Items: wire cutters from the tool shop on Ettercap Street
Ironcrust's Bakery on Cable Street. Go into the back room east of the yard and search for the hidden east door. In here you will find cages full of cats. Use the wire cutters to "cut" wires, or "untwist" wires depending on which works for each wire. You'll get a pet cat.

CITY EXPLORER, in which you discovered ancient machinery under the city. (1 QP)

Outside of the Magic Emporium on the east side of Sator Square, "lift disc" then immediately go "down" before the lid comes crashing down. It might take a few tries. "leave" to get out again.

CORN POPPER, in which you helped a student ruin his future career. (4 QP)

Items: glass of milk (Mended Drum bar, or drink shop on Attic Bee - be sure to get it from the counter) Items: 2-3 cobs of corn (fruit shop on Baker street - scrape off the kernels) Items: vial or bottle of Better Butter Base (searching the shelves in Bradley's classroom) Go to the room in the Alchemists' Guild on Street of Alchemists that has a Buttery machine in it. "pour" the glass of milk into the buttery, "pour" the vial or bottle of butter base into the buttery, then "turn" the handle on the buttery. Get the butter from the butter. Put the butter and all of the corn kernels into the Banger, and CLOSE IT. "light" the fuse on the banger, then open it and get the grains from the banger. Find Neelie Awkside, usually on Street of Alchemists or nearby, and give him the banged grains. He requires a certain amount all at once, so be sure you're doing at least 2 cobs worth of corn, 3 if possible.

COURAGEOUS COURIER, in which you brought glory to the Ankh-Morpork Postal Service. (6 QP)

Go to the Post Office on Widdershins Broadway and go upstairs and say "help" or "details". Say "yes" when he asks if you're up for it, then say "hard" when he asks if you want the easy or hard parcel. Deliver it to three random locations that can be seen by "read"ing the parcel, all of which will be outside of Ankh-Morpork. You'll get $100.

COURTEOUS VISITOR, in which you received a reward for asking nicely. (1 QP)

Go to the Hall of Heroes in the Apex club on the south end of Esoteric Street and say "please, Miss Turrel, may I please have a ticket to the hall of heroes please" to get a free ticket.

CRYPT ROBBER, in which you broke into an ancient crypt. (1 QP)

Having completed the VETERAN EXPLORER quest below and killed the greater demon then head north once. In this room, you have to "open coffin". This is disguised as a stone table. Then you can "get all" from the coffin.

DADDY'S LITTLE HELPER, in which you put an end to an old man's thirst. (2 QP)

On the docks northeast of Cockbill Street and just west of Ankh Bridge, you'll find a pier with Pa Abigayle on it. He says he's thirsty. If you get him the drink he asks for, you'll get the quest. Some of these are in the tented tavern a few rooms to the west.

DISTANT EXHIBITIONIST, in which you went the distance of displaying feelings. (2 QP)

You have to have done the SENTIMENTALIST quest first. Go to the Temple of Small Gods, then go east from the fountain. All the way east, or maybe a room south or southwest, is Florette the rabbit. Go southwest from there and "gather carrot" until you get a carrot. Go back to Florette, "feed" her the carrot, "pet" her, and say "florette is a good girl!".

DOG GONE EMANCIPATOR, in which you found a shocking way to kill a foul torturer. (1 QP)

Skills: Decent combat and/or healing abilities (this poodle can kill n00bs)
Go the house south off of God Street with a poodle in the living room. Kill the poodle, take the corpse upstairs, and "give" the corpse to Bertha. I think the husband gives you some money after Bertha dies, so stick around a bit.

DOWN TO EARTH, in which you brought'em up to get'im down. (1 QP)

Items: a few beers
Go to the Salt Shaker on the southeast end of Upper Broadway, next door to the pepper pot. Go upstairs all the way, then "climb" or "enter" hole to get onto the roof. A simple "up" command also works even though this is not an obvious exit. Give the beers to the dwarf up there, one at a time, until he leaves.

ELECTRICK MARSTAR, in which you made a meal of the electrick. (6 QP)

Skills: 100 crafts.culinary.cooking bonus, 70 crafts.culinary.butchering bonus
Items: sausage (All Hours Cafe on Dimwell Street)
Items: ground garlic (in witch gardens, scrogden garden, or terrains outside Djb - Grind in a grinder in a witch's house)
Items: scumble (from any tavern)
Items: shot/measure glass (any nearby tavern)
Items: 1 bottle of beer (any nearby tavern)
Items: brandy (wine shop on Washer Way only)
Items: lard (tub in Gimlet's back room)
Items: flour (bag in Gimlet's back room)
Items: 1 bottle of water (fill from the sink in Ironcrust's Bakery)
Go to Thomas Eddiesson's house on Cable Street and:
"say Hey Igor. What is the recipe for fatsup? How would you make it?"
"say What sort of spirit based alcohol alcoholic bribe would you like, Igor?"
"bribe" the Igor upstairs with the scumble.
He'll give you a receipe that involves the items listed above. First you need to mix those, then fix the stove afterward, when you're ready to cook. Here's a step by step guide to mixing:
search dresser
get pan
fill shot glass from water bottle
pour shot glass into pan
fill shot glass from beer
pour shot glass into pan
Basically the beer has to be in a 1:1 ratio to the water. As far as the amount, keep adding water and beer in the above ratios until the pan is about half full. But the net result should be that the pan only has "watery beer" in it. If you have too much of one liquid, it will look like "watery beer and water", which means you should add a little more beer. Next:
put a lot of ground garlic in pan
get garlic from pan
This works because excess solid ingredients can be removed from the pan, unlike liquids. You should now have only "garlicky watery beer" in your pan. Next:
put a lot of flour in pan
get flour from pan
You should now have "beer and garlic gravy". Next:
put a lot of lard in pan
get lard from pan
You should now have "greasy beer and garlic gravy". Next:
fill shot glass 1/100 full from brandy
pour shot glass into pan
Repeat the brandy step 1 drop at a time until you only have only "alcoholic gravy" in the pan. Next: put sauages in slicer
slice all in slicer
get all from slicer
put all sausages in pan
get sausages from pan
This should give you "uncooked fatsup". Next you need to fix the stove. "turn stove up" and it should indicate a faulty wire. "repair" that wire and keep trying until it's ready to cook. Turn the stove up to 120 or so, and pay very close attention to messages indicating how fast the fatsup is cooking, and "check temp on stove". If it's cooking too quickly, turn it down. If it's cooking too slowly, turn it up. You'll have to adjust the temperature at least a few times. If you fail at the cooking, you'll get an icky mess and have to start over from the very beginning. If you succeed in getting cooked fatsup, give it to Thomas. He'll give you a light bulb.

ELECTRICKALLY MARSTERED, in which you put yourself through pain to brew the perfect cup. (5 QP)

Skills: 190+ other.movement.climbing.rock bonus
Skills: 161+ other.movement.climbing.rope bonus
Skills: 176+ other.movement.acrobatics.balancing bonus
Items: copper rod (from the shelf in the Witch Cottage in Mad Stoat)
Weather: Cloudy at least
Time: Night
Go to the clock tower north of the Five Ways intersection. Go northeast, northwest, "move slab". Go down and "push button" to make the weather nasty on the roof. "look tubes" to make sure one hasn't burst recently from someone else doing the quest - if it is burst you have to wait until the room regens (30 minutes on average). Go back outside the tower and "climb up" twice, then "climb rope". Go south and "climb up" again, then go north. With FULL HP "hold copper stick", "grasp pole", then "touch wire with stick". If there's a thunderstorm on ("Peals of thunder and streaks of lightning rend the sky.") you will be struck by lightning, go flying off the roof and probably break a leg and end up with less than 5 hp. Go back to the basement room and "pull lever".

EXPERT BALANCER, in which you discovered how to weigh things using powers of three. (4 QP)

Go to the Post Office on Widdershins Broadway. "figure" to start the quest, which will cause a coloured weight to be moved to the left pan. Here's my system:
1. move very large weight from middle pan to right pan
if right pan dips down: move very large weight to middle pan
2. move large weight to right pan
if right pan dips down: move large weight to middle pan
3. move medium weight to right pan
if right pan dips down: move medium weight to middle pan
4. move small weight to right pan
if right pan dips down: move small weight to middle pan
5. move very small weight to right pan
if right pan dips down: move very small weight to middle pan
However, at this point you might have several weights on the right pan, and the left pan is still hanging lower. Take note of the biggest weight you have on the right pan, and move the next bigger weight to the right pan as well. Take what is now your second-largest weight that's in the right pan and move it to the left pan. If the left pan tips lower, move that same weight to the middle pan. If the left pan is still lower, move it back to the right pan. Repeat with each next smaller weight, one a time, until you find out the weight. "figure" and balance two more times to get the quest.

FINDER NOT KEEPER, in which you was honest with others' property. (3 QP)

You need to find 10 items registered by another player with the Lost Property Shop on Street of Cunning Artificers, and turn them in at the Lost Property Shop. With the relaxed multiplaying rules, you can probably use an alt to help you out if you can't find a friend to do it.

FISH FINGERED, in which you gave a friend a fishy face. (3 QP)

Buy a LARGE fish from the fish shop on Street of Cunning Artificers. Find Carrot wandering around AM and "slap" him with the fish. You'll get some jail time.

FLOWER POWERED, in which you gained a botanical boost to social status. (2 QP)

Items: $31
Buy 31 flowers at Bernitas Flower Shop on Treacle Mine. You don't need to send them to anyone or add a note to them.

FUTURE DIVINER, in which you received a glimpse of future events. (1 QP)

Go to the pier on the south side of Zoo Park and "search". You should find a Caroc Card. Go to the south side of Unreal Estate and into a hut there. Go south until you're in the room with the fortune teller, and give her the card.

GATHERER OF FLUFF, in which you supplied a considerable quantity of fluffy material. (4 QP)

Put fluffy things on Gufnork's low altar on the Street of Small Gods. You need either a total weight of fluffy things or a total value of fluffy things. Probably weight. The fastest way to do this is with fluffy cloaks. Fluffy towels also work, and the priestess in the Gufnork temple usually has one or two fluffy items on her, and frequently gets killed by Kess so there might be stuff lying around the temple. If all else fails, find a friend with the "summon fluff" ritual.

GEMMY'S MATE, in which you fetched a simple tool for a nice old man. (1 QP)

Items: a shoe horn from the odds and ends store on the east side of Plaza of Broken Moons
Go to the shed on the south side of Widdershins Broadway, and wait for Codger to show up. Give him the shoe horn.

GREEN TONGUE, in which you broke a witch's spell. (2 QP)

Look for a wandering green frog in AM and kiss it. It's often near Dragon's Landing.

GUIDE TO THE UNDEAD, in which you helped someone begin anew. (2 QP)

There is a "human zombie" somewhere wandering around - I've seen on him the southeast end of Dock Street April 2008, so he's still around. Apparently he's usually on Dock Street but I almost never see him. Say "follow" and lead him to the fresh start club alley in the eastern part of Elm Street or the nearest bar. This is a specific zombie, not the ones wandering around obsessing about brains.

HANDYMAN, in which you gave a lady a new outlook. (2 QP)

On God street theres a large house with Sophie Stibbons upstairs. Go down, search the fireplace a room will be revealed and go west. In this room there’s a tin of rust removal, get it and go back to Stibbons. "repair" the taps, then "turn" them to get water and finally you must dampen the cloth you were given and clean the window 'clean window'. Rinse and repeat a few times until the window is clean.

HANDYPERSON, in which you disproved a long standing myth. (1 QP)

Items: oil can from odds and ends store on east side of Plaza of Broken Moons
Go just inside the Assassins' Guild courtyard and "oil" the hinges.

HEART OF GOLD, in which you comforted someone far from home. (2 QP)

Weather: Snowing
Items: Snowball ("make snowball" in a room where it is snowing)
In a house on Quarry Lane go north into a kitchen. You may need to "move" or "search" the rug, and go down into the basement. There should be a troll there: if so, give him the snowball.

HEARTS TENDERED, in which you journeyed to the heart of sacrifice. (4 QP)

Put 250 human hearts on the low altar in the southeast corner of the Sek Temple on Street of Small Gods. They decay rather quickly, so go back to the altar once they stop looking fresh. It doesn't matter if you do them one at a time or in groups.

KEEN OBSERVER, in which you saw something overlooked by most. (1 QP)

Search the desk in the prison area of the Dolly Sisters watch house to acquire a doorknob. Go upstairs to the room with Lance-Constable Cryolite and go east.

KINKY SHOPPER, in which you purchased some interesting (Know what I mean? Eh?) underwear. (1 QP)

Items: $7.50
Go to the Martial arts store on Heroes Street and "nudge" then "wink" at Number One Son. Then say "know what i mean?" and he'll give you a key and lead you into the secret room. Buy one of the kinky items stocked there.

KNOWLEDGE SEEKER, in which you joined a secret brotherhood. (1 QP)

Outside of Rendtnor's jewellery shop on the northeast side of Plaza of the Broken Moons, "search" until you find a shifty person (you don't need any skills to find her), who will give you a stone medallion. Wear the medallion and go inside the house on Bitwash Street and say "only when it hunts", then go south when the door unlocks. There's a scrying room you can use within for a small fee.

MAINTAINER OF THE BALANCE, in which you visited justice to the extremes. (4 QP)

Items: A light source
Skills: Decent fighting skills
Go to the centre of Sandelfon's Temple off the north end of Street of Small Gods. In the room with the high alter go "down" to enter the maze. Wander around for a while and keep an eye out for persons and similar creators. Kill them, and when they die they'll turn into a crystal. You'll need 5 crystals, of any colour. To get back out, always choose the last exit listed in the room until you get to the "up" exit, and go back up there. Go to the low altar in the Sandelfon Temple, and put the crystals on it. Putting the crystals on the altar -might- change your alignment.

MASTER OF CEREMONIES, in which you performed a mystic ceremony. (4 QP)

There are two ways to do this quest:
Items: 1 eagle feather per participant (from Bandit Camp eagle quest - a repeatable quest)
1) For wizards and witches: Between 11:30pm and 12:30am Disc time, walk diagnally (northwest/southeast) through the connected rooms at the bottom of the tower of Art until you are magically transported to a room in the clouds. Place the eagle feather on the statue.
2) For priests, assassins, warriors and thieves: This involves three players, once of which should be a priest. Read the book in the tower of the mansion near the intersection of Short Street with Attic Bee. First the priest should say "sulamore" and then "galimore". The other two should then say "duvanti".

MASTER POTTER, in which you helped a craftsman deliver his wares. (4 QP)

Skills: 80 crafts.pottery.forming.throwing bonus
Skills: 190 crafts.pottery.forming.shaping bonus
Skills: 101 crafts.pottery.glazing bonus
Skills: 107 crafts.pottery.firing bonus
Items: Maybe $10 if shaping skills are quite a bit higher than listed above, otherwise $50-100
After completing the POTTER'S FRIEND quest, make 5 plates and 5 bowls in the Potter's workshop on the north end of Cockbill Street. Buy clay in the northern room, and the rest of the tools are available to use in the wheel room. Steps:
1) "throw" the clay onto the wheel
2) unhold all
3) "mould" the clay into a plate or bowl
4) get the plate or bowl from the wheel
5) get and hold the brush
6) "glaze" the plate or bowl with the cochineal glaze
7) wait for the plate to dry (the glaze doesn't need to)
8) put the plate or bowl (multiples can be done at the same time as well) into the kiln
9) "check" items in the kiln until they're done. There's no harm done leaving them in too long.
10) get and hold the tongs
11) get the items from the kiln and put them on the drying rack if you want them to cool faster The plates have to be plain, pleasant, or fine for the potter to accept them. The glaze can be as crappy as you like and the potter won't care. Take the plates, some at a time or all at once, to the wandering potter and say "help" and then "assist". Give him the plates and bowls and you'll get 1 shiny dollar for each.

MATEFINDER, in which you helped a pair in a gender non-specific way. (3 QP)

Find Gritjaw Thighsplitter wandering in AM, usually in the section bordered to the north by Dock Street, to the west by Treacle Mine, to the south by Cheap Street, and to the east by Short Street and the Ankh River. Say Graben, then say Dia. You don't have to go to Creel Springs for this quest.

MEMENTO LOCATOR, in which you returned a loved one's gift to its rightful owner. (2 QP)

From Pa Abigale on the dock road, go down and "search dirt". Go south, then east, and enter shop. Give the scarf to Elsie.

MIDAS IN REVERSE, in which you turned gold into gold, more or less. (4 QP)

Items: AM$100-200
Look for Scrooge 2 floors above ground level in the Alchemists' Guild on the Street of Alchemists. Say "yes" and he'll tell you to fetch several ingredients:
1) chalk (white pebble - available in Alchemists Guild shop) slate (grey pebble), or cinnabar (red pebble), all available from the troll vendor on Quarry Lane. If it's too big to carry, use a hammer to chip it
2) an ore, available from the shop on the ground floor of the Alchemists' Guild
3) an acid, available from the shelves one floor down in Bradley's classroom. He won't say the acid colour, but call it by its proper name. So you need to go to the library nearby in the Guild and "research" until you find a scrap of paper that indicates the acid colour for that substance. If he asks for nitrate, you'll need bat guano from a pooping fruitbat, and batsup from the acid shelves. Then use the nitrolator in the Guild to form nitrate out of them.
4) a vial of something available by searching the storage closet nearby in the Guild
5) Various amounts of gold coins, from a money changer. This might be $100-$200 worth, taking exchange rates into account.
Give him each item as he asks for it, to get him to ask for the next. After giving him the gold, he'll turn it into more gold or platinum coins.


NATTY DRESSER, in which you paid fair and square for sartorial repairs. (4 QP)

Put damaged clothing on Gapp's low altar in his temple on Street of Small Gods. Getting the quest is probably based on the amount of GP you spend, not the number of items. A good way to get damaged clothing is by looting corpses or searching.

ONNA ROCKS!, in which you lose a few stone to stop some trolls moan. (4 QP)

Skills: a major skill branch (faith, covert, fighting, magic) higher than level 75
Items: a few dollars
If your skill branch is high enough, go to Mr. Cheese in the Bucket Inn on the northeast end of Cleam Street. First be sure you have at least two names set in your finger info. He won't know if they're fake, but they should be different than your character name. Say you want a job or offer to help. When he asks about what you're good at, say the name of your highest major skill branch. He'll tell you to bring him certain items:
sulphur (from Alchemists' Guild shop on Street of Alchemists)
gold (a gold ring will work)
silver (a silver ring will work or silver paint from Isle of Gods paint shop)
flint (bagel shop on Quarry Lane)
sandstone (Gimlet's on Cable Street)
cinnabar (red pebble from troll vendor rock shop on Quarry Lane)
iron ore (from Alchemists' Guild shop on Street of Alchemists)
micholite (purple mineral from Alchemists' Guild shop on Street of Alchemists)
quartz (pink doughnut from Gimlet's on Cable Street)
granite (granite kebabs from Gimlet's on Cable Street)
slate (grey pebble from troll vendor or rock shop on Quarry Lane or slate grey paint from Isle of Gods paint shop)
ash (Filigree or Elm Street smithies, sweepable with a broom from Street of Small Gods smithy)
clay (potter shop on Cockbill Street)
lime (fruit shop on Baker Street)
Bring them to Mr. Cheese and he'll give you an electrum link that can be rubbed.

PLUMBER'S MATE, in which you brought some ancient machinery back to life. (4 QP)

Items: #5 brush from Plumber's Guild on Pleader's Row
Items: oil can from odds and ends shop on the east end of the Plaza of Broken Moons
Items: orange tablet (Drayne Cleaner) from the Alchemists' Guild Shop on Street of Alchemists
Items: stuff that has weight (rocks are available outside the room)
Go into the hole on the east end of Sartor Square (see CITY EXPLORER quest) with the above items, and do the following:
1) "unclog" the holes in the trough
2) "charge" the trough with the oil
3) "clean" the counterweight with the orange tablet
4) put items on the pannier
There are two panniers, and looking at the machinery or some such should indicate how low they can dip before they empty. Look at the panniers frequently to see if either is getting to low. If it is, take some weight off of that pannier or put a weight on the other pannier. If you keep the panniers balanced well enough to fill the buckets quite a bit, when they empty they'll flush out some clog and you get the quest.

POTTER'S FRIEND, in which you helped a craftsman continue his work. (3 QP)

Skills: 123 crafts.carpentry.furniture bonus
Items: claw hammer (tool shop on Ettercap Street)
Items: nails (odds and ends shop on east end of Plaza of Broken Moons)
Go to the pottery shop on the north end of Cockbill Street, hold the hammer, and "repair" the wheel with the nails.

PRACTICAL JOKER, in which you doused a souse. (2 QP)

Go to the XXXX shop just north of the west end of Filigree Street and buy a tin of beer. Leave the shop "shake" the tin four times, until it says whoever opens it will have a frothy surprise. Go back inside the shop and give the tin to Wozza.

PROFICIENT HORTICULTURALIST, in which you grew a very special flower for a nameless man. (5 QP)

{{{1}}}

PROLIFIC PASTER, in which you accomplished a sticky endeavour. (4 QP)

Go to the Dwarf Bread Museum and find Felicity. Say "problem" and "I’ll put up the posters for you" and she'll then give you some posters and glue. How many posters you need to put up depends on where you put them. The lines at the end of the room descriptions are no indication (it's crowded here, etc). What you need are rooms with lots of exits. Five or even six exits are great, but if you're somewhere like the Plaza of Broken Moons or Sator Square, don't put them too close together. To put up the posters, "apply" the glue to the poster and "paste" the poster in the room. If you need more posters or glue, go back to Felicity and say you need them. She might make you wait a bit.

PUBLIC INFORMER, in which you found a way to get the message across. (2 QP)

Items: $50 Go to the town cryer's office on the southwest end of Turnwise Broadway and go into the next room. Spend $50 ordering messages.

ROCK STAR, in which you raked till you ached. (3 QP)

Skills: 175 or less other.movement.climbing.rock bonus (unhold all, no shoes, light burden)
Items: Rake (smithy on northeast side of Street of Small Gods)
Go to the shoe shop on Clay Lane and wander around until you can go east through a hidden exit. Go east until you can go no further, and "climb" the wall. Go west into the History Monks temple, and say "help" when Ludlakk is in the room. He'll give you a piece of paper with a grid design on it to be raked into the sand. "rake" the grid based on the grid coordinates, to form the letters and symbols displayed. "syntax rake" is very helpful. If you cross over a previously raked section, you'll have to rake it again. Before you start, look at the design on the paper and figure out you're path for going back and forth while avoiding the rocks.

SEASONED EXPLORER, in which you discovered a hidden dungeon. (? QP)

First go to the flats on Short Street just south of Street of Small Gods. Go all the way upstairs, and into the south flat. Go into the bedroom and go "up" then "search nest" to get the weather-beaten key. Take the key and go to the mansion across the street. Inside, "press switch" and go down. Don't wander around further unless you know what you're doing.

SENTIMENTALIST, in which you demonstrated a little control over expression. (1 QP)

Go to Roger on north side of the corridor inside the Patrician's Palace on Turnwise Broadway. When prompted, "lsay Quanti Canicula Ille In Fenestra", and "bing excitedly roger". This will give you the "emote" command.

SHORT CHANGED, in which you learned the true meaning of 'No pain no gain'. (4 QP)

Items: a friend
When in the Dwarf museum, you need to get a scone give ticket to the dwarf and eat it repeatedly until you get a message which says 'a good jolt will knock your tooth out'. You can get a scone from the water dunking game in the museum. Now this is the tricky part as you need your tooth. You have to go to the game, in which you have to knock a platform to the ceiling. The person who wants the tooth must stand on the platform and someone must knock the platform up to the roof. This knocks out your tooth but the person hitting the platform needs to have a strength stat. above level 22. The tooth should be placed under the pillow on the bed in the hidden room at the entrance to the museum, the key can be found inside a grain from the lucky dip or the door can be lpicked. Search walls. Lie on the bed, then sleep...repeat this until you get the quest and one dollar from the tooth fairy.

SKIPPY, in which you made them bounce. (3 QP)

Skills: 151 or less fighting.range.thrown bonus
Go down from Pa Abigail on the dock on Dock Street and search a while to find various rocks. "skip" the rocks until you get the quest.

SPRING ARTIFICER, in which you put a spring in your step. (4 QP)

Items: 1 swamp dragon (Dragon Shop on Morphic Street just off Dock Street - $50)
Items: coal (in the dish on the counter of the rock shop on Quarry Street Go to the house on Street of Cunning Artificers, at the intersection with Bitwash Street. "tug wood" then "enter window" to get inside. Get paper from waste bin in idea room, and get poker from hook in bedroom. "search mattress" for a spring in the bedroom as well.. In attic "search small box" twice for nuts and bolts. Also in the "pull" the crossbar off the bicycle, then "slide" the pole into the spring, and "bolt spring onto pole with bolt and nut". Feed the coal to your dragon, and it eats it, "weld" the crossbar to the pole with the dragon.

STYLISH ADVENTURER, in which you renovated a useful piece of armour. (4 QP)

Go to Carrot's bedroom upstairs in the watch house on the south side of Pseudopolis yard and "search bed" to find a tin of polish. Go to the odds and ends shop on the east side of Plaza of Broken Moons and buy a buffing cloth. Go to the dead end room at the southeast end of The Willows and "climb down". "search" again to find a hole in the boat and go down. Kill the croccodile, "search" once more time to find rusty chainmail, and polish it.

SYMPATHETIC, in which you brought happiness through compassion. (1 QP)

Find the wandering sad man near the intersection Attic Bee and Short street (sometimes in Brother David's) and "comfort" him. There are other "sad men", but this one has a shorter description.

TOP SCORER, in which you got kicked around by a bunch of playful trolls, repeatedly. (3 QP)

Skills: 50+ fighting.unarmed.striking bonus to score goals
Skills: fighting.defense.dodging to avoid being hit
fi.ra.thrown may also help with scoring, TMs during play if low Items: obsidian boots OPTIONAL (bought from injured troll)
Go to the room with the injured troll on Quarry Lane and "join game" to play. You can leave the game if you're getting too hurt. Score 8 times to get the quest. You may want to drop the trophies to avoid burdening while playing. After each score, "join game" again to play more.

TRUE ALCHEMIST, in which you went out with a bang. (6 QP)

{{{1}}}

UNCOBBLED, in which you shooed some obnoxious shoes. (1 QP)

As you wander around AM, an evil cobbler might pop out and put nasty shoes on you. "untie" the laces to get the quest.

UPBEAT ENFORCER, in which you gave a musician a good beat. (2 QP)

Go to Leonard Flood in Musician's Guild on Baker Street and say "help". Find Mesa Boogie wandering around AM, say you're an enforcer with the guild, and "shove" or "slap" him twice and pick up the $10 he drops in the room. Go back to Leonard Flood. DO NOT GIVE HIM MONEY. Say that you want to pay Mesa's fee.

VALUED CUSTOMER, in which you were a faithful customer of a jeweller's. (2 QP)

Items: $25-$30 Go to Rendtnor's jewellery shop on the northeast side of Plaza of Broken Moons and spend $25 or more on jewellery. I think you then get a discount when repairing jewellery there, but it isn't free any more.

VERY, VERY LUCKY, in which you had incredible luck and beat the odds. (3 QP)

Go to the Musician's Guild on Baker Street and into the room with the juke box. "search" the carpet every half hour or so until you find the purple plectrum with the yellow duck and feel very lucky. Give the plectrum to Loz Lipton, also in the Musician's Guild.

VETERAN EXPLORER, in which you discovered new areas in the hidden dungeon. (4 QP)

Skills: Unknown, some fighting.
To complete this quest, you will need first of all the amulet wind demon upstairs in the Old Mansion on Short Street. To get this go upstairs to the first level, go west into the room there and then "search". This will reveal a hidden exit to the north. Go north then go west into a hidden corridor. Go south into another room. You will need to disarm the trap in this room before going south. You will need to either lpick the door to the south or get the key from the dwarf corpse mentioned in the Axe Dealer quest. By either method, head south after disarming the trap and in this room is the wind demon. To get the demon to appear, you will need to open the box on the table with "open box". This can be done only once per reset. You will then need to kill the demon after which it drops the amulet or it will be on its corpse. Get it but do not wear it as it breaks in combat very readily. You will then need to go downstairs and enter the hidden cellar as per the Seasoned Explorer quest. Where the dwarf corpse is, there is a blade trap. You will need to disarm the trap, or get it disarmed for you. Then head east once. To head east again, you will need the key given to you by Stavic or be able to lpick the door to the east. Go east using either method. There are usually 3 demons there. You will need to kill them, or get help doing so. Once they are dead, go east again, where there is usually a banshee. To get rid of the banshee, you need the amulet taken from the wind demon. Use demon on banshee, or use amulet on banshee and it should disappear and the amulet will crumble. Then disarm the trap in this room gas trap. In the next room east is the greater demon. To kill this demon, you will need to have done the Master of Ceremonies quest or you can also get someone to kill it for you. Reaching this room will get you the Veteran Explorer Quest. Go on now to the Crypt Robber quest above. One of the above directions is wrong, and should involve going "up".

WALLEYED, in which you freed a mason. (4 QP)

Skills: 200 other.perception bonus, 100-115+ other.culture.ankh-morporkian bonus
Items: measuring tape, chisel, and crowbar (tool shop on Ettercap Street)
Go to the west side of Ankh-Morpork, along Endless Street. There's a wall you can look at in each room starting 5 rooms n/nw of Limping Gate and going to one south of Shambling Gate. These are the only rooms the quest will be in. In that first wall room closest to Limping Gate (the room mentions a violin), you can "search" wall to find a piece of paper. A random wall room will have the next step in the quest. To find the room, start at one end of the wall and "measure wall" with the measuring tape until you see something about an odd stone and crumbling mortar. "chip" at the mortar with the crowbar until the mortar is gone, then "lever" the block with your crowbar until the block comes out.

WARMING SAVIOR, in which you saved someone from an almost certain icy death. (2 QP)

Go to the Butchers' Guild off the Street of Alchemists opposite the Thieves Guild and enter the room with the locked door in the northwest wall. "Lift lever" and have the other guy go northwest into the freezer while you wait outside. When the latch falls after a bit, lift the lever to release the other guy. WARNING: the person in the freezer can die if left inside a long time.

WEIGHT WATCHER, in which you realised that sometimes you have to be kind to be cruel. (4 QP)

Items: 5 watermelons (fruit shop on Baker Street, or free outside Djelibeybi), and a knife
Find Louis Bingham as he wanders AM. Cut the watermelons and watermelon sections until you have a sixteenth, and give Bingham one sixteenth at a time. Wait until he's finished one before giving him the next. This is based on number of food items, not on weight or value, and you need to give him at least 50. Eventually he'll explode.

WINE CONNOISSEUR, in which you filled both pouch and bladder. (2 QP)

Go to the Flintwick building near the south end of Lobbin Clout and find Old Bob wandering around in the building. say "licence please" and he'll hand it over unless he gave it to someone else already. Now go to the wine warehouse on the east end of Prouts and give the licence to Benno. He'll tell you to taste four different barrels. See syntax "taste". Then say what you think about it. Don't quote the message you get when tasting, and I think it compares your answer to all previous answes, and disallows it if it's too similar to someone else's. Being totally random might help. When you finish, the alcohol will kick in and you'll get some money. Leave the building immediately so you don't fall down the stairs while stumbling around drunk.