Quest:Eastern Morpork quests
APPRENTICE BAKER, in which you helped a baker keep up with demand. (6 QP)
Skills: 100-103 crafts.culinary.baking bonus absolute minimum to ever succeed.
You need: 10+ dried frog powder (apothecary on Prouts just north of Apothecary Gardens)
Go to Argle's bakery on the south end of Baker Street and "apply" for a job. Wait until Argle lists two possible values for each of a couple ingredients, then go south into the kitchen. Write down those values he listed (usually 3 or 4 scoops flour, 1 or 2 pourings of water, 1 or 2 pinches of salt, variable amount of goo, and always just 1 pinch dried frog). The commands are:
scoop flour into oven
pour water into oven
pour goo into oven
place salt in oven
place frog in oven
pull lever on stove
Repeat each ingredient depending on how much of each you want in the recipe, using Argle's suggestions as a starting point. You can make this task easy for yourself by drawing up a table on paper of each of your tries and the results yes, be scientific. Take heed of what comes out of the oven because say if it "lacks bulk" you need more flour, if it's dry or brittle you need more water, if it has salt crystals you need less salt. If it has been "inexpertly baked" you failed the skill check so you need to try again with the same ingredients until you pass the skill check (it's a bit random). It is a good idea to bury the stuff that comes out of the stove as soon as you've examined it so you don't get confused. Keep going, doing a guess and check routine based on your table and when you get bread, go north and give it to the baker. You receive AM$8 when quest is complete.
APPRENTICE TANNER, in which you kept an odd man from getting stuck. (1 QP)
Buy a thimble from the odds and ends shop on the eastern side of Plaza of Broken Moons and go to the tannery, on the northwest side of the Plaza. Give Griffith the thimble, and you might get a few levels of crafts.materials.tanning or .leatherwork. Griffith seems to get rid of his thimbles fairly often (either after each time the quest is done or after each room resut (30-60 minutes), so this quest is actually possible to do now.
AURIENTAL ARITHMETICIAN, in which you figured it out and wrote it down. (2 QP)
Skills: 60 other.language.agatean.spoken
Skills: other.language.agatean.written may need to be near max
Skills: 180+ bonus in crafts.arts.calligraphy.
Items: pieces of paper to write on (chapbook pages, odds and ends on east side of Plaza of Broken Moons).
Go to the Salt Shaker on the southeast end of Upper Broadway, near the Pepper Pot. In the ground level flat is a family of Agateans. While speaking Agatean, "sayto ichi one", "sayto ni two", "sayto san three", "sayto shi four". Shi should then ask you (in Agatean) to write his name. Write "four" (without quotes) in Agatean on a piece of paper using the calligraphy brush and inkwell from the bedroom to the north. If the calligraphy is neat ("simple", "neat", etc) enough, give the paper to Shi to get the quest. Failing the written or calligraphy skill check may both display the same failure message.
AXE DEALER, in which you returned a dwarf's family heirloom. (2 QP)
Items: weather-beaten key (see SEASONED EXPLORER quest) or lockpicking abilities, a light source
Go to the mansion on Short Street, just south of the intersection with Attic Bee. "press switch" in the first room to reveal a stairway leading down. Make sure your light source is lit, and go down. Go one more room, and get the axe from the corpse, or from the floor if the corpse has decayed. Don't go any further in the cellar: retrace your steps upstairs and back out to Short Street. Go to the flats immediately east of the mansion, then into the south apartment on the ground floor. Go north into the bedroom (you'll hit your head on a bar and get hurt a bit if you don't "crawl"). Give the axe to Stavic.
BAR BRAWL CHAMPION, in which you defeated Detritus in not so single combat. (2 QP)
Go to the Mended Drum on the north end of Short street and start fighting Detritus. If he dies while still in combat with you (even if you're not in the room), you'll get the quest. And possibly arrested at some point for assaulting a Watch officer.
BELT BUCKLER, in which you made a useful item of apparel. (1 QP)
Items: a leather strip from the odds and ends shop on the east side of Plaza of Broken Moons, a buckle of any value from Rendtnor's jewellery shop on the northeast end of the Plaza.
"attach" the buckle to the strip to make a belt. That's it.
BETHAN'S BUDDY, in which you helped out a busy wife. (5 QP)
In the second house south on the west side of Vagabond Street you will find Bethan. Say that you will 'help' her. She'll tell you to bring her toilet paper, dentures, and hot water. The roll of toilet paper is in a nearby house on vagabond street. For the dentures, go to the dentists in the Flintwick Building. Wait around a while and the dentist will eventually come out. Say that 'cohen needs dentures' and he will give you a voucher. For the cup of water, go to the edible cottage in Skund Forest, north of the intersection going northeast to Hillshire and southeast to Pekan Ford. Give all three items to Bethan, either one at a time or all at once. The edible house is no longer in a dangerous area (no wolves).
CADAVER CORRODER, in which you burned the life back in. (4 QP)
Items: lemons, a few at a time or pickle them (fruit shop on baker street, fruit stall in Djelibeybi bazaar, fruit store on Garlic Street in Djelibeybi)
Items: rat corpses (search streets, plenty on sold part of Ankh River, or kill a few at a time in Rattigan's house on Contact Walk)
The first thing to do is go to the Alchemists' Guild on Street of Alchemists. On the first floor above ground level is a classroom with Bradley Weiss in it. Say "regurgitator" to get instructions, then "search shelves" repeatedly, but don't go AFK or anything because cockroaches sometimes crawl out of the shelves and into your ears. Ugh. "shake" a few times and kill the roaches before they crawl back in. You also might get hit with spilled acid when you search, but you can dodge this with decent bonus. Keep searching until you basically have vials filled with acids that are at least 10 different colours. Store them in a useful pack or satchel, then go get a few lemons and rat corpses from a source listed above. For the first few attempts, Bradley will tell you to use specific acid colours, so do as he says. They won't succeed of course, but you have to go through the motions for this quest. The commands are:
attach corpse to harness
attach lemon to apparatus
pour vial into dish
flick switch
After doing the acids Bradley lists, you'll need to do another five or so to get the quest. At some point in the process, a giant rat dog might appear, and either try to eat you or become your pet. Oookay.
CITY EXPLORER, in which you discovered ancient machinery under the city. (1 QP)
Outside of the Magic Emporium on the east side of Sator Square, "lift disc" then immediately go "down" before the lid comes crashing down. It might take a few tries. "leave" to get out again.
CORN POPPER, in which you helped a student ruin his future career. (4 QP)
Items: glass of milk (from the Mended Drum bar or drink shop on Attic Bee - be sure to get it from the counter)
Items: 2-3 cobs of corn (fruit shop on Baker street - scrape off the kernels)
Items: vial or bottle of Better Butter Base (searching the shelves in Bradley's classroom)
Go to the room in the Alchemists' Guild on Street of Alchemists that has a Buttery machine in it. "pour" the glass of milk into the buttery, "pour" the vial or bottle of butter base into the buttery, then "turn" the handle on the buttery. Get the butter from the butter. Put the butter and all of the corn kernels into the Banger, and CLOSE IT. "light" the fuse on the banger, then open it and get the grains from the banger. Find Neelie Awkside, usually on Street of Alchemists or nearby, and give him the banged grains. He requires a certain amount all at once, so be sure you're doing at least 2 cobs worth of corn, 3 if possible.
COURAGEOUS COURIER, in which you brought glory to the Ankh-Morpork Postal Service. (6 QP)
Go to the Post Office on Widdershins Broadway and go upstairs and say "help" or "details". Say "yes" when he asks if you're up for it, then say "hard" when he asks if you want the easy or hard parcel. Deliver it to three random locations that can be seen by "read"ing the parcel, all of which will be outside of Ankh-Morpork. You'll get $100.
COURTEOUS VISITOR, in which you received a reward for asking nicely. (1 QP)
Go to the Hall of Heroes in the Apex club on the south end of Esoteric Street and say "please, Miss Turrel, may I please have a ticket to the hall of heroes please" to get a free ticket.
DISTANT EXHIBITIONIST, in which you went the distance of displaying feelings. (2 QP)
Items: 1 carrot (from the fruit shop on Baker Street)
You have to have done the SENTIMENTALIST quest first. Go to the Temple of Small Gods, then go east from the fountain. All the way east, or maybe a room south or southwest, is Florette the rabbit. "feed" her the carrot, "pet" her, and say "florette is a good girl!".
DOG GONE EMANCIPATOR, in which you found a shocking way to kill a foul torturer. (1 QP)
Skills: Decent combat and/or healing abilities (this poodle can kill n00bs)
Go the house south off of God Street with a poodle in the living room. Kill the poodle, take the corpse upstairs, and "give" the corpse to Bertha. I think the husband gives you some money after Bertha dies, so stick around a bit.
DOWN TO EARTH, in which you brought'em up to get'im down. (1 QP)
Items: a few beers
Go to the Salt Shaker on the southeast end of Upper Broadway, next door to the pepper pot. Go upstairs all the way, the "climb" or "enter" hole to get onto the roof. Give the beers to the dwarf up there, on at a time, until he leaves.
EXPERT BALANCER, in which you discovered how to weigh things using powers of three. (4 QP)
Go to the Post Office on Widdershins Broadway. "figure" to start the quest, which will cause a coloured weight to be moved to the left pan. Here's my system:
1. move very large weight from middle pan to right pan
if right pan dips down: move very large weight to middle pan
2. move large weight to right pan
if right pan dips down: move large weight to middle pan
3. move medium weight to right pan
if right pan dips down: move medium weight to middle pan
4. move small weight to right pan
if right pan dips down: move small weight to middle pan
5. move very small weight to right pan
if right pan dips down: move very small weight to middle pan
However, at this point you might have several weights on the right pan, and the left pan is still hanging lower. Take note of the biggest weight you have on the right pan, and move the next bigger weight to the right pan as well. Take what is now your second-largest weight that's in the right pan and move it to the left pan. If the left pan tips lower, move that same weight to the middle pan. If the left pan is still lower, move it back to the right pan. Repeat with each next smaller weight, one a time, until you find out the weight. "figure" and balance two more times to get the quest.
FINDER NOT KEEPER, in which you was honest with others' property. (3 QP)
You need to find 10 items registered by another player with the Lost Property Shop on Street of Cunning Artificers, and turn them in at the Lost Property Shop. With the relaxed multiplaying rules, you can probably use an alt to help you out if you can't find a friend to do it.
FISH FINGERED, in which you gave a friend a fishy face. (3 QP)
Buy a LARGE fish from the fish shop on Street of Cunning Artificers. Find Carrot wandering around AM and "slap" him with the fish.
FLOWER POWERED, in which you gained a botanical boost to social status. (2 QP)
Items: $31
Buy 31 flowers at Bernitas Flower Shop on Treacle Mine. You don't need to send them to anyone or add a note to them.
FUTURE DIVINER, in which you received a glimpse of future events. (1 QP)
Go to the pier on the south side of Zoo Park and "search". You should find a Caroc Card. Go to the south side of Unreal Estate and into a hut there. Go south until you're in the room with the fortune teller, and give her the card.
GATHERER OF FLUFF, in which you supplied a considerable quantity of fluffy material. (4 QP)
Put fluffy things on Gufnork's low altar on the Street of Small Gods. You need either a total weight of fluffy things or a total value of fluffy things. Probably weight. The fastest way to do this is with fluffy cloaks. Fluffy towels also work, and the priestess in the Gufnork temple usually has one or two fluffy items on her, and frequently gets killed by Kess so there might be stuff lying around the temple. If all else fails, find a friend with the "summon fluff" ritual.
GEMMY'S MATE, in which you fetched a simple tool for a nice old man. (1 QP)
Items: a shoe horn from the odds and ends store on the east side of Plaza of Broken Moons
Go to the shed on the south side of Widdershins Broadway, and wait for Codger to show up. Give him the shoe horn.
GREEN TONGUE, in which you broke a witch's spell. (2 QP)
Look for a wandering green frog in AM and kiss it. It's often near Dragon's Landing.
HANDYMAN, in which you gave a lady a new outlook. (2 QP)
On God street theres a large house with Sophie Stibbons upstairs. Go down, search the fireplace a room will be revealed and go west. In this room there’s a tin of rust removal, get it and go back to Stibbons. "repair" the taps, then "turn" them to get water and finally you must dampen the cloth you were given and clean the window 'clean window'. Rinse and repeat a few times until the window is clean.
HANDYPERSON, in which you disproved a long standing myth. (1 QP)
Items: oil can from odds and ends store on east side of Plaza of Broken Moons
Go just inside the Assassins' Guild courtyard and "oil" the hinges.
HEARTS TENDERED, in which you journeyed to the heart of sacrifice. (4 QP)
Put 250 human hearts on the low altar in the southeast corner of the Sek Temple on Street of Small Gods. They decay rather quickly, so go back to the altar once they stop looking fresh. It doesn't matter if you do them one at a time or in groups.
KNOWLEDGE SEEKER, in which you joined a secret brotherhood. (1 QP)
Outside of Rendtnor's jewellery shop on the northeast side of Plaza of the Broken Moons, "search" until you find a woman (you don't need skills to find her), who will give you a stone medallion. Wear the medallion and go inside the house on Bitwash Street and say "only when it hunts", then go south when the door unlocks. There's a scrying room you can use within for a small fee.
MAINTAINER OF THE BALANCE, in which you visited justice to the extremes. (4 QP)
Items: A light source
Skills: Decent fighting skills
Go to the centre of Sandelfon's Temple off the north end of Street of Small Gods. In the room with the high alter go "down" to enter the maze. Wander around for a while and keep an eye out for persons and similar creators. Kill them, and when they die they'll turn into a crystal. You'll need 5 crystals, of any colour. To get back out, always choose the last exit listed in the room until you get to the "up" exit, and go back up there. Go to the low altar in the Sandelfon Temple, and put the crystals on it. Putting the crystals on the altar -might- change your alignment.
MIDAS IN REVERSE, in which you turned gold into gold, more or less. (4 QP)
Items: AM$100-200
Look for Scrooge 2 floors above ground level in the Alchemists' Guild on the Street of Alchemists. Say "yes" and he'll tell you to fetch several ingredients:
1) chalk (white pebble - available in Alchemists Guild shop) slate (grey pebble), or cinnabar (red pebble), all available from the troll vendor on Quarry Lane. If it's too big to carry, use a hammer to chip it
2) an ore, available from the shop on the ground floor of the Alchemists' Guild
3) an acid, available from the shelves one floor down in Bradley's classroom. He won't say the acid colour, but call it by its proper name. So you need to go to the library nearby in the Guild and "research" until you find a scrap of paper that indicates the acid colour for that substance. If he asks for nitrate, you'll need bat guano from a pooping fruitbat, and batsup from the acid shelves. Then use the nitrolator in the Guild to form nitrate out of them.
4) a vial of something available by searching the storage closet nearby in the Guild
5) Various amounts of gold coins, from a money changer. This might be $100-$200 worth, taking exchange rates into account.
Give him each item as he asks for it, to get him to ask for the next. After giving him the gold, he'll turn it into more gold or platinum coins.
NATTY DRESSER, in which you paid fair and square for sartorial repairs. (4 QP)
Put damaged clothing on Gapp's low altar in his temple on Street of Small Gods. Getting the quest is probably based on the amount of GP you spend, not the number of items. A good way to get damaged clothing is by looting corpses or searching.
PLUMBER'S MATE, in which you brought some ancient machinery back to life. (4 QP)
Items: #5 brush from Plumber's Guild on Pleader's Row
Items: oil can from odds and ends shop on the east end of the Plaza of Broken Moons
Items: orange tablet (Drayne Cleaner) from the Alchemists' Guild Shop on Street of Alchemists
Items: stuff that has weight (rocks are available outside the room)
Go into the hole on the east end of Sartor Square (see CITY EXPLORER quest) with the above items, and do the following:
1) "unclog" the holes in the trough
2) "charge" the trough with the oil
3) "clean" the counterweight with the orange tablet
4) put items on the pannier
There are two panniers, and looking at the machinery or some such should indicate how low they can dip before they empty. Look at the panniers frequently to see if either is getting to low. If it is, take some weight off of that pannier or put a weight on the other pannier. If you keep the panniers balanced well enough to fill the buckets quite a bit, when they empty they'll flush out some clog and you get the quest.
PROFICIENT HORTICULTURALIST, in which you grew a very special flower for a nameless man. (5 QP)
First you need to find the Rose Seller. This is easiest during the day time when he's at his house on the northwest end of Washer Way. At night he wanders around selling roses at taverns and restaurants. Say something about "special roses" and he'll give you some seeds. You may want to say it again to get more seeds now, instead of tracking him down later. Go to the greenhouse attached to his house and "search" the boxes repeatedly until it says there's no interesting packets left. Keep the packets in the room (don't bury). The colour of fertiliser you need depends on the fullness of the rose he wants:
very single = ochre
single = green
semi-double = yellow
double = grey
very double = brown
extremely double = black
The texture of the fertiliser determines how thorny (unarmed, somewhat thorny, quite thorny, thorny, armed, viciously thorny, etc), however which texture produces which thorns is random for each person doing the quest. "plant" the seed in a pot, then "fertilise" with the appropriate colour of fertiliser, then "fill" the watering can from the tap and "water" your rose. Look at your rose periodically and eventually it won't say that it's recently been watered, meaning it's time to water again, depending on the rose size you need. If it's got the wrong amount of thorns, pluck it and start again with a different fertiliser texture. Each watering will make the rose grow bigger. When it's the right size, "pluck" your rose and give it to the rose seller. It will probably take quite a few tries to find the right texture, hence the extra seeds will probably be needed. Keep searching intermittantly when you can.
PUBLIC INFORMER, in which you found a way to get the message across. (2 QP)
Items: $50
Go to the town cryer's office on the southwest end of Turnwise Broadway and go into the next room. Spend $50 ordering messages.
SENTIMENTALIST, in which you demonstrated a little control over expression. (1 QP)
Go to Roger on north side of the corridor inside the Patrician's Palace on Turnwise Broadway. When prompted, "lsay QVANTI CANICVLA ILLA IN FENSTRA", and "bing excitedly roger". This will give you the "emote" command.
SPRING ARTIFICER, in which you put a spring in your step. (4 QP)
Items: 1 swamp dragon (Dragon Shop on Morphic Street just off Dock Street - $50)
Items: coal (in the dish on the counter of the rock shop on Quarry Street
Go to the house on Street of Cunning Artificers, at the intersection with Bitwash Street. "tug wood" then "enter window" to get inside. Get paper from waste bin in idea room, and get poker from hook in bedroom. "search mattress" for a spring in the bedroom as well.. In attic "search small box" twice for nuts and bolts. Also in the "pull" the crossbar off the bicycle, then "slide" the pole into the spring, and "bolt spring onto pole with bolt and nut". Feed the coal to your dragon, and it eats it, "weld" the crossbar to the pole with the dragon.
STYLISH ADVENTURER, in which you renovated a useful piece of armour. (4 QP)
Go to Carrot's bedroom upstairs in the watch house on the south side of Pseudopolis yard and "search bed" to find a tin of polish. Go to the odds and ends shop on the east side of Plaza of Broken Moons and buy a buffing cloth. Go to the dead end room at the southeast end of The Willows and "climb down". "search" again to find a hole in the boat and go down. Kill the croccodile, "search" once more time to find rusty chainmail, and polish it.
TRUE ALCHEMIST, in which you went out with a bang. (6 QP)
Items: 10-50 hours free time (not all at once), extreme patience, no creators within maiming distance
Go to the room with with the Central Amalgamator upstairs in the Alchemists' Guild on the Street of Alchemists. Pull 6 levels (most of them should be different levers) and push the button. You'll turn blue, get gassed (leave til it clears), be knocked unconscious, set on fire, and generally have a miserable time for the duration. The current theory is that higher levers are more likely to produce an explosion. It is, however, totally random with every single pull. This means that players are NOT assigned a combination that works for them when they start the quest. Instead, each time you push the button there is an insanely small chance that the guild will explode, assuming you pulled levers 6 times and they were mostly different levers and maybe that they were higher levers as well. If you succeed, you'll go flying through the air and get broken legs, and possibly some gold and a diamond.
UNCOBBLED, in which you shooed some obnoxious shoes. (1 QP)
As you wander around AM, an evil cobbler might pop out and put nasty shoes on you. "untie" the laces to get the quest.
UPBEAT ENFORCER, in which you gave a musician a good beat. (2 QP)
Go to Leonard Flood in Musician's Guild on Baker Street and say "help". Find Mesa Boogie wandering around AM, say you're an enforcer with the guild, and "shove" him twice and pick up the $10 he drops in the room. Go back to Leonard Flood. DO NOT GIVE HIM MONEY. Say that you want to pay Mesa's fee.
VALUED CUSTOMER, in which you were a faithful customer of a jeweller's. (2 QP)
Items: $25-$30
Go to Rendtnor's jewellery shop on the northeast side of Plaza of Broken Moons and spend $25 or more on jewellery. I think you then get a discount when repairing jewellery there, but it isn't free no more.
VERY, VERY LUCKY, in which you had incredible luck and beat the odds. (3 QP)
Go to the Musician's Guild on Baker Street and into the room with the juke box. "search" the carpet every half hour or so until you find the purple plectrum with the yellow duck and feel very lucky. Give the plectrum to Loz Lipton, also in the Musician's Guild.
WARMING SAVIOR, in which you saved someone from an almost certain icy death. (2 QP)
Go to the Butchers' Guild off the Street of Alchemists opposite the Thieves Guild and enter the room with the locked door in the northwest wall. "Lift lever" and have the other guy go northwest into the freezer while you wait outside. When the latch falls after a bit, lift the lever to release the other guy. WARNING: the person in the freezer can die if left inside a long time.
WEIGHT WATCHER, in which you realised that sometimes you have to be kind to be cruel. (4 QP)
Items: 5 watermelons (fruit shop on Baker Street, or free outside Djelibeybi), and a knife
Find Louis Bingham as he wanders AM. Cut the watermelons and watermelon sections until you have a sixteenth, and give Bingham one sixteenth at a time. Wait until he's finished one before giving him the next. This is based on number of food items, not on weight or value, and you need to give him at least 50. Eventually he'll explode.
WINE CONNOISSEUR, in which you filled both pouch and bladder. (2 QP)
Go to the Flintwick building near the south end of Lobbin Clout and find Old Bob wandering around in the building. say "licence please" and he'll hand it over unless he gave it to someone else already. Now go to the wine warehouse on the east end of Prouts and give the licence to Benno. He'll tell you to taste four different barrels. See syntax "taste". Then say what you think about it. Don't quote the message you get when tasting, and I think it compares your answer to all previous answes, and disallows it if it's too similar to someone else's. Being totally random might help. When you finish, you'll be drunk and get some money. Leave the building immediately so you don't fall down the stairs while stumbling around drunk.