Long Gallery

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Western end

Caravati's "Three Large Pink Women and One Piece of Gauze"

This large painting takes up a good proportion of the south wall of the gallery. A masterpiece by Caravati, it features three naked women sitting by a large outdoor bath. Fortunately, a piece of gauze being held daintily by one of the women is doing a marvellous job of modestly covering all those bits that need to be covered. The positioning of rather plump legs and arms does well to hide those parts missed by the gauze.

Melderelda Archtorp's "Counting Sheep"

Gentle hills form the backdrop of this pastoral scene painted in watercolours. A meadow of grass and wild buttercups is spotted with fluffy white sheep with black faces. In the foreground, a shepherd is lying lazily in the grass, one leg crossed over the other and a straw hat over his eyes.

Miruq ad Dranoel's "Portrait of Havelock Vetinari"

This is a portrait of the Patrician of Ankh-Morpork. He is pictured sitting in his chair in the Oblong Office. The brushwork is quite exquisite and it almost seems as though Lord Vetinari is sitting here in the gallery. You can't shake the feeling that he is watching you appraisingly, even though he is clearly busy with some paperwork.

Three Fern Frond's "Panda (hiding)"

This ink painting was produced by the renowned Agatean artist Three Fern Frond. It is a delicate work which features a grove of bamboos in which a panda hides, not at all successfully.

"The Philosopher" by an unknown artist

This marble statue depicts a rather plump fellow with bare feet wearing just a simple chiton. He's missing a nose and an arm and the marble itself is deeply pitted. It looks as if someone had taken an axe to the sculpture and buried it for a few hundred years. Maybe it was something he said?

Middle section

Gustav Schlumbugger's "The High Tops"

Gustav truly braved the elements to capture the icy majesty of the Hublands here. The great icy peaks rise up against a pale blue sky. On close inspection, it's possible to just make out in the lower left corner the figure of a large Yeti waving.

Kenota Verard's "Wildride"

A pale nude female form sits atop a wildly charging brown stallion in this beautiful oil painting. She clutches the horse's neck tightly and is positioned such that her modesty is preserved, mostly. The scene appears to be a deserted beach near sunrise or sunset as the animal gallops through the very edge of the surf.

"Untitled" by an unknown artist

Little is known about this painting or the artist. It was found one day on the steps of the Art Museum and was deemed worthy of inclusion in the gallery. It shows the library of the Unseen University with books extending in all directions (some even on the ceiling). A student wizard, his head in a book, seems to be walking straight towards a strange distortion in the space in front of him.

Vincent Quentil the Third's "Knight in Shiny Armour"

A tall knight standing upright holding a lance is featured in this portrait. Even his next of kin would have problems identifying the figure as he is covered head to toe in shiny armour. A small emblem on the right side of his breastplate shows him to belong to Lord Mendar's Mounted Regiment and a plume of red feathers pokes out of the top of his helmet.

Nathaniel De Lore's "At the Docks"

This pretty watercolour shows the docks of the exotic city of Genua. A large trading ship is moored to a pier in the foreground and smaller fishing and transport boats can be seen either docked or floating in the background. The artist has really captured the hustle and bustle of the docks in this skilled watercolour.

Catherine Helmer's "Vase of Flowers"

A small oil painting showing a vase of flowers. The vase has a classically elegant shape and is blue. It is filled with roses, carnations and daisies.

Blitzt's "The Battle of Ar-Gash"

Known for being the painting that drove Blitzt insane, this immense piece depicts the ancient Klatchian city of Ar-Gash at the height of the battle and fire which consumed it. Piles of bleeding corpses lay strewn before the remains of the city walls, civilians visible amongst the dead soldiery. Behind the walls, the city is aflame; a glowing red fire that billows thick black smoke into the sky. Particularly impressive is the way in which the smoke, tinted from below by the fire's glow, transitions into deep purple-blue storm clouds towards the top of the painting. Beside a dramatically appropriate zigzag of lightning, five mounted figures are emerging from the clouds.

Eastern end

Martha Muddlewink's "Plains North of Skund"

On a soft watercolour landscape is a flat high-grass field and a low hanging sun off to the right hand side of the large canvas. In front of a tall dark wood stands a single lithe deer, head lifted and wary beneath the cloudless sky.

Helipodius's "Chariots of Fire"

This fine watercolour features a large two wheeled chariot, devoid of any horse-drawn power rolling quite quickly down a steep incline. The entire rear end of the vehicle is completely engulfed in bright orange flames, leaving a long smoke trail behind. A single stalwart figure stands upon the chariot clutching his hat worriedly. The artist has really captured the sense of speed of the thing and the finely detailed flames.

The Ankh-Morpork Ladies' Needlepoint Club's "Victory"

This is the sort of tapestry designed to hang in grand entrances of the nobility. It is so long that it could be used as an effective hall runner, but that would cause many a needlewoman to prick themselves in astonishment and despair. It has been hung in the stairwell of the gallery and only the bottom half can be seen fully here. It shows a bloody battle being waged between two armies. The detail is quite good and you can even make out individual soldiers in various stages of impalement.

Ronaldo Hyss's "Girls With Extra Columns"

Four women pose back to the viewer in this oil painting. Each is either peeking coyly over one shoulder or is involved in brushing their long locks. Their pale naked frames show off quite a lot of rear acreage for these appear to be hearty well-fed women. The background of the painting appears to be a veritable plethora of corniced columns, more than any sensible structure or building should ever need.

Eiso Russet's "A Boy and His Cock"

This small four foot iron statue features a small farm boy cradling a very plump rooster in his arms. This is one of the museum's finer pieces of confusing advertising and was the cause of a minor riot when it was added to the gallery several years ago.