Granny Weatherwax

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Granny Weatherwax is the most powerful witch of the ramtops, and the unofficial leader of the witches guild.

Granny Weatherwax isn't old (because old doesn't happen to witches) but she's definitely well preserved.  Too well, in her opinion, as she's arrived at the peak of her career with a rosy complexion and all her teeth, despite innumerable wart charms and vast quantities of sugar.  She is easily identified as a witch by the regulation pointy black hat which she has skewered in place with several bat wing hatpins.  She looks the sort who'll do what's right with grim determination whether or not anyone likes it.
She is in good shape.
She is standing.
You can't help but notice the fact that she has no warts upon her face.
Wearing : a pair of hobnailed boots, a plain black dress and a pointy black hat.

Also known as

Esmerelda Weatherwax is known by several names:

  • Esmerelda Weatherwax - her full name
  • Esme - short for Esmerelda
  • Granny - there's aren't any other Grannys as famous
  • Aaoograha hoa - (Trollish) 'She Who Must Be Avoided'
  • K'ez'rek d'b'duz - (Dwarfish) 'Go Around the Other Side of the Mountain'


Granny dresses plainly in sensible black clothing, and is never seen without the regulation pointed witches hat and cloak. Her looks could be called handsome, but only in a following wind and by the right light, by a good-natured liar. She is particularly renowned for her penetrating blue eyes, with which she can inflict a terrible stare.

Much to her eternal disappointment, Granny has never been able to affect the usual decay associated with the traditional old crone; she has a rosy complexion, all her teeth, and no warts.


Granny is always found inside her cottage in Bad Ass. She moves about within the cottage, and sometimes fades (out the other side).

When she is fading a lot of adventuring.perception is necessary to see her, around a 400 bonus.

Guild roles

Granny has various roles within the Witches Guild:


Trying to attack Granny is not a good idea.

Males you try to attack Granny will soon find their most valuables have been relocated to a little bag.

kill granny
You prepare to attack Granny Weatherwax.
You extinguish the lit torch as you put it down.
Granny Weatherwax laughs: Trying to kill me, eh Garg? Dear me, looks like you need to be taught some manners.

There is a FLASH of light!

Suddenly a look of puzzlement crosses your face. You tilt your head sideways and open your mouth, as if trying to come to terms with a new idea. You look down, scream in panic as you try to hang on to that which isn't there any more, and drop everything you're carrying as you take to your heels.

l me
Looking at yourself again? What a narcissist!
You see Garg.
It is a strapping young human.
It is in good shape.
It is standing.
Wearing : a colourful sash.
Carrying: a paper bag.

l bag
A small, brown paper bag (courtesy of Nanny Ogg). Judging by how it bulges it contains a set of essentials.
It is closed.

open bag
You start to open the paper bag to take a look at your essentials, but your stomach lurches violently and you decide that it's not such a good idea.

After a while the attacker returns to being a he (even if you lose the paper bag).

Females who try to attack Granny get warned and then DINGed.

kill esme
You prepare to attack Granny Weatherwax.
Granny Weatherwax exclaims: If you do that again, Yuwen, I will give you such a ding around the ear with the flat of my hand!

kill esme
You prepare to attack Granny Weatherwax.
With lightning speed and uncanny accuracy, Granny Weatherwax boxes your ear with a loud DING!, causing you to drop everything and clutch your head in agony.

This dealt 250 hp damage to a newbie alt and it can reduce you to a non-corporeal form and a discussion with Death if you are not careful.

See also