Delusions of Grandeur

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Delusions of Grandeur
Spell information
Nickname dg
Guild Witches
Type Miscellaneous
Description Dub an item so that it might become a magical talisman.
GP cost 100
Mind space 50
Thaums 10
Components none
Crystal None

Delusions of Grandeur is a miscellaneous witch spell which allows an object to be dubbed with a special name, convincing the object that it might just be special. Once the object has been referred to by its new adjectives and/or aliases enough times over a long enough period of time, the delusion will permanently take hold, making the object a magical talisman.


This spell can be learned at 150 levels of magic.spells.misc. It is taught by Granny Weatherwax and Aunty Ogg-San.



Once this spell has been cast on an item, that item is ready to be 'dubbed' with its own name, via one of the following syntaxes:

dub <object> "<proper name>"

dub <object> my <adjective> <object>

The first syntax will eventually result in the object's short changing to the <proper name> specified. So, for example, dubbing a short sword "Harmless Stick" will change its appearance from

Bob is holding a short sword.


Bob is holding Harmless Stick.

The second syntax is used to gain the talisman benefit of this spell without visibly changing the object's name. It will add a line to the item's long description. For example, dubbing a short sword 'my shining sword' will add the line 'The short sword is a shining sword.' to the description.

  • At least one adjective must be added that the object does not already have. Failure will cause the dub command to be removed, requiring the spell to be cast on the object again. Fail message looks like: The <object short> wilts when it learns it isn't anything out of the ordinary after all.
  • Two adjectives can be used, and will be separated by 'and'. For example 'dub sword my shining sharp sword' will result in 'The short sword is a shining and sharp sword.' being added to the description.

An item may be dubbed by anyone, not just the caster witch. In order to dub an item, the dubber must be carrying it.

  • The dubbed name cannot exceed 20 characters, including spaces. Trying to dub an object with a longer name will cause the delude to break.
  • The dubbed name cannot be solely the name of a player or a banished name (finger <name>). However, it can include the name of any such.
  • Apostrophes are allowed, but hyphens are not.
  • Numeric characters (1, 2, 3, etc) may not be used anywhere in the dubbed name. One of the gold rings is not a number, it is a free ring!
  • While a dubbed name can be identical to the original item's name (e.g. "Black Backpack" for a black backpack), it will not be successfully pandered as such and will revert back to normal. However if you add a new word like "The Black Backpack" it can work.


Once this spell has been successfully cast and the item dubbed, the talisman and any name change effects do not take place immediately. In order for these to happen, the item must first go through a substantial amount of pandering.

This is a process by which the fledgeling ego of the item is stoked up, until it eventually gains enough sentience to 'turn' into a proper talisman. Pandering may be done by anyone; it is not required that the caster witch be the one to do this.

The pandering process requires:

  • Referring to the object by its new name. In the case of an object dubbed with a proper name, this is the new proper name. In the case of an object dubbed with the alternate syntax, this is "<adjective> <object>" as per the second dub syntax above. The object may be 'referred to' by:
    • Using any command with the new name.
    • Showing the item to people using the new name.
      • This is by far the fastest way to get to the final stage. You need a willing participant - you spam the show command and they spam the show accept command.
    • Speaking the item name in Morporkian
      • So far testing shows only the person holding it can pander it so troll children,other players don't help at all,also other languages don't help,tester's spoken.morporkian was ~60 and it still worked.
  • Time. No matter how fast you get it to octarine haze, it will still take some time, probably at least a day up to about three days.
    • The amount of time required is variable, and probably depends on the type of object or material or something else like length of short name (the length of name probably doesn't make a difference, see the research page) or description, weight or coverage of the item.
    • Casual observations about the time it takes to get to the octarine haze stage might (or might not) indicate the following :
      • Plants, jewellery, containers and furniture seem to be pretty fast.
      • Clothing and armour seem to vary based on what they cover and/or weight or something else.
      • Scabbards seem to take a while, maybe like weapons, possibly less.
      • Weapons seem to take a very long time, often about three days.

Note also that:

  • Showing an object is much more effective than just referring to it with less spammy commands.
  • The limiting factor on your item turning is almost certainly time, not the amount of referring.
  • If you already had the object nicknamed as the deluded name, you will need to unnickname it first--otherwise commands will not count as using the new name.

Delusion line

A magic user can observe an item to see how strongly it has been referred to; the following are the stages of this process:

  1. It has a faint octarine shadow about it that disappears if you look at it squarely.
  2. It has a faint octarine shadow about it.
  3. It has an octarine shadow about it that flickers occasionally out of the corner of your eye.
  4. It has a flickering octarine shadow about it.
  5. It has a flickering octarine haze about it.

Note that the final stage will appear to take much longer than the others. This is normal. Do not panic and start a frenzy of showing this item to everyone you meet. Once again, the pandering process requires time.

If you have the item in your inventory when it turns you can see the transformation:

The short leather miniskirt shudders suddenly and sharply.  It flashes an intense octarine for just a moment and the shuddering subsides.

Once an item has turned into a talisman, the delusion line will be:

  • It has the hazy octarine sparkle of a magical talisman.


If a dubbed item is left alone, it will very slowly lose its 'referral strength'. Eventually, this will cause it to leave its proto-talisman state and return to being an ordinary object.

Witches can accelerate this process greatly by mocking the object. The difficulty appears to be related to the stage the object is at, with higher stages requiring higher cursing or banishing or both. At higher stages multiple mocks may be necessary to shatter the delusion completely.


This spell costs 100 GP to cast, and requires 50 units of mind space. It may be cast on any non-living object that is not part of a continuous medium in the caster's inventory or environment.

Note that this spell cannot be successfully cast on items which are already magical talismans.


Focus tea results
100 130 160 190 220 250 280 310 340 370 400

The following skills are used in the stages of this spell


No components are required to cast this spell.

Casting Messages


Carefully, so as not to startle it, you let your mind settle into <object> and slowly fade into the foreground of its awareness, getting a feel for the terrain.
After sizing up what makes it tick, you begin to gather and direct the threads of your <object>'s thoughts towards things that have a certain innate power, like crowns, witches' broomsticks and kings' swords.
You subtly manipulate the <object>, enchanting it with visions of grandeur and priming it to believe it could be such a talisman, too, if only people would Believe.


Entranced, the <object> perks up and looks around for someone to Believe in its greatness.

Already deluded

The small handwritten sign nods eagerly at you and gives you two metaphorical thumbs up.

Already a talisman

The <talisman> glares imperiously at you as if to say, "Yes, yes, We are aware."
The <talisman> sniffs haughtily.

What others see

<caster> turns <object> over slowly, considering it from all angles, then massages it gently with her fingertips.
<caster> waggles her eyebrows at <object> then nods gravely at it, as if answering unspoken questions.


Uses standard spell failures.

See also

External links