Dead letter office jobs

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Ankh-Morpork Post Office by Quow
This page is about a source of missions / jobs.

Dead letter office jobs will have you acting as an unofficial postal employee for the Ankh-Morpork Post Office, delivering letters to citizens near and far (at your discretion).

The Job

To see what the kind of letters there are, you can check pigeonholes for a brief list. One can also read pigeonholes for a verbose listing, though it provides no additional information.

You can pick a type of letter from those listed on the pigeonholes to offer to deliver <letter code>, ex. offer to deliver dlc

When the addressee is found, you can deliver letter to <npc>.

Inquiring

When you take on a mission to deliver a letter with a vague address, or only the city, you can inquire after addressee to find out more information. This is a skill check that uses the relevant people.culture skill for the area.

Mission Bonus for odds of success
Range ~ 0% ~ 50% Nearly always
Vague address ? 153 193
Only the city ? ? 239
  • Inquiring will tell you the type of npc (actor, monk, etc.) if the letter is not clear on that.
  • The appropriate npcs have the distinctive traits at the end of their description when you look at them.
  • The range to get bearing on the target is around 12-20 rooms away.
  • Most of the time the direction given will be (pure) south if you're not more than 2 east or west from the destination. It seems likely that rooms with opposite directions (say you need to go north and then later south to reach the target) cancel each other.
  • Paths to the target in a straight line with no intersections seem to extend the range somewhat.
  • The furthest range categories are often considerably shorter than the number of rooms in the table. This might be because of some kind of neighbourhood limits.
Message: that your target Meaning
isn't in the neighbourhood Beyond detection
was spotted in the <direction> a while back 12 to 16+ rooms away
was spotted in the <direction> not too long ago 9-15 rooms away
was spotted in the <direction> recently 3-8 rooms away
was spotted very close by not a moment ago 0-2 rooms away
met a brutal end Target dead
You find the language barrier to be insurmountable You need to speak <appropriate language> for the area

Vague address is easier in several ways:

  • An intersection is indicated.
  • If you are further away than ~17 rooms from the intersection inquire just says you are too far. (This might be fixed neighbourhood boundaries.)
  • The bonus needed is lower than for letters with only the city. (At least before the latest changes, need to confirm.)

Deciphering

The address of the letters with terrible handwriting has been quite obfuscated.

  • They can be deciphered with the command decipher handwriting on letter.
  • This is a skill check that uses crafts.arts.calligraphy and costs 40 GP.

Rewards

Method Abbreviation Mission XP reward Monetary reward Time given
Missing letters DLA Close by; smudged address 12800 XP &&&&&&&&&&&+2600 A$6.50 30 DW min / 9 RW min
Deciphering DLB Close by; terrible handwriting 25600 XP &&&&&&&&&&&+5200 A$13 30 DW min / 9 RW min
Inquiring DLC Close by; vague address 24128 XP &&&&&&&&&&&+4800 A$12 30 DW min / 9 RW min
Inquiring DLD Close by; only the city 47823 XP &&&&&&&&&&+10000 A$25 45 DW min / 13.5 RW min
Missing letters DLE Far away; smudged address 25600 XP &&&&&&&&&&&+4500 A$11.25 30 DW min / 9 RW min
Deciphering DLF Far away; terrible handwriting 27456 XP &&&&&&&&&&&+6000 A$15 &&&&&&&&&&&+5472 LC 3|2|- 30 DW min / 9 RW min
Inquiring DLG Far away; vague address 33440 XP &&&&&&&&&&&+7200 A$18 30 DW min / 9 RW min
Inquiring DLH Far away; only the city 50064 XP &&&&&&&&&&+10080 21Rh 45 DW min / 13.5 RW min
Surviving DLI Difficult customer varies varies 200 DW min - 3.33 DW hour / 1 RW hour (Thursday/Librarian)

Notes

Times listed with DW (Discworld) units above are in Roundworld minutes, times listed with RW (RoundWorld) units use earth conventional times.

The money you receive as payment is usually in the currency used in the location where the recipient happens to be when the letter is delivered.

If you lose the letter and would like to get another without waiting for the delivery time to expire, tell Frank that you would like to quit. You will still need to wait the ten Roundworld minutes before he will give you another one.

You cannot deliver while it is too dark for you to see the recipient.

Close-By

The npcs close-by for smudged address and terrible handwriting should be in the following table. If not please add them.

NPC Location
Ada Woonsocket Ankh-Morpork, Upper Broadway
Alfred Musqrat Ankh-Morpork, Sheer Street, Paint Shop
Anita Hurpley Ankh-Morpork, God's Collar, Battes Ande Cakes
Apold Blorkman Ankh-Morpork, West Ankh Ferry
Archemedies Ankh-Morpork, Artorollo Alley, Georgio's pizza place
Argule Wibbley Ankh-Morpork, Cockbill Street, Argule Wibbley's Pottery Shop
Arlof Eetmmot Ankh-Morpork, Plaza of Broken Moons, Arlof Eetmmot's Bakery
Barry Ankh-Morpork, Phedre Road, Jenn & Barry's Ice Cream Parlour
Benno Lacoste Ankh-Morpork, Prouts, Wine Warehouse
Bernita Ankh-Morpork, Treacle Street, Bernita's Flower Shop
Bertha Ankh-Morpork, God Street
Bligh Earcrusher Ankh-Morpork, Park Street, Bligh Earcrusher's exclusive shop
Brother David Ankh-Morpork, Short Street, The house of rest and safety
Cadmium Ankh-Morpork, Cable Street, Gimlet's Hole Food Delicatessen
Commander Samuel Vimes Ankh-Morpork, Pseudopolis Yard Watch House, Ankh-Morpork City Watch
Constable Dorfl Ankh-Morpork, Pseudopolis Yard Watch House, Ankh-Morpork City Watch
Constable Swires Ankh-Morpork, Pseudopolis Watch House, Ankh-Morpork City Watch
Constable Visit Ankh-Morpork, Pseudopolis Watch House, Ankh-Morpork City Watch
Count Notfarouto Ankh-Morpork, The Fresh Start Club, Elm Street. (Doesn't spawn there, might have to go at a meeting time)
Cubert Eiche Ankh-Morpork, Stuff for Fires, The Goose Gate
Cutta Ankh-Morpork, Cattle District, Pony Parts
Cynthia Potts Ankh-Morpork, Losing Street, Stop Losing Your Way
Dagmar Schmet Ankh-Morpork, The Street of Alchemists, Guild of Alchemists
Dame Sufferland Ankh-Morpork, The Salt Shaker, Upper Broadway
Danlin Ankh-Morpork, Flood Walk, The Groaning Platter Tavern
Darren Spangler Ankh-Morpork, Sator Square, Magical Emporium
David Wobbler Ankh-Morpork, Artorollo Alley
Del Trotter Ankh-Morpork, Caveat Emptorium, Trotters Lane
Derek Wadley Ankh-Morpork, Alguinna Alley, Cheese Shop
Dhraz Shaftrubble Ankh-Morpork, Iron Helmet
Dimitris Ankh-Morpork, Dimwell Street, Dimitris' Dummies
Doctor Bones Ankh-Morpork, Monk's Hospital, The Pitts
Dogbottler Ankh-Morpork, Short Street
Doss Chiderdoss Ankh-Morpork, Street of the Alchemists
Drakko Ankh-Morpork, Salt Shaker, Flat 2
Edward Scrooge Ankh-Morpork, The Street of Alchemists, Guild of Alchemists
Ella Montigue Ankh-Morpork, Shop on n-w corner of Dolly Sisters
Emmaline Lamb Ankh-Morpork, Pleaders Row, Emmaline Lamb's World of Baskets
Fat Sandra Ankh-Morpork, Squeezebelly Alley, Fat Sally's coffee house
Felicity Hopkinson Ankh-Morpork, Dwarf Bread Museum, Whirligig Alley
Flyn Skint Ankh-Morpork, The Waterfront, Flyn's Place
Fred Ankh-Morpork, Endless Street, Fred's Emporium and Clothing Shop
Fred Sylver Ankh-Morpork, Washer Way, Sylver's
Geoffrey Ankh-Morpork, God Street (in Bertha's House)
Georgio Artorollo Alley, Georgio's pizza place
Geremiah Codger Ankh-Morpork, Widdershins Broadway
Gerry Watkins Ankh-Morpork, Dimwell Street
Gimlet Ankh-Morpork, Cable Street, Gimlet's Hole Food Delicatessen
Gladys Ankh-Morpork, Bob's Fish Shoppe, Street of Cunning Artificers
Goran Ankh Bridge Imports, Ankh-Morpork
Gore Batchev Ankh-Morpork, Ankh Street, Batchev's World of Maps
Gunther Ankh-Morpork, Market Street, Costlee Coffee
Gwawr Clwyd Ankh-Morpork, Phedre Road, Tannery
Halley Toomer Ankh-Moprok, Scoone Avenue, Toomer Stationers
Ham Burgner Ankh-Morpork, The Maul, Burgner's Coffee on the Maul
Harmony Stardancer Ankh-Morpork, Treacle Street, Harmony Stardancer's Magical Shoppe
Harold Cobbler Ankh-Morpork, 1_ Elm Street (western end)
Henufi Icta Ankh-Morpork, The Soake, The Laughing Falafel
Hibiscus Dunelm Ankh-Morpork, The Mended Drum, Filigree Street
Hurple Ankh-Morpork, Cockbill Street, Hurple's towel shop
Hwel Ankh-Morpork, Isle of Gods, The Dysk
Igor Ankh-Morpork, The Forge, Cable Street (opposite Cutankle's, upstairs)
Inga Ankh-Morpork, The Pain in the Neck
Ixolite Ankh-Morpork, Fresh Start Club, Elm Street
Not always there - possibly appears in the room to the east of the club room.
Jabez Clamber Ankh-Morpork, Grunefair, antique jewellery shop
Jacinthe Bockxse Ankh-Morpork, Ankh Street, Batchev's World of Maps
Jack Banks Ankh-Morpork, God's Collar, Starbanks
John Tetzel Ankh-Morpork, The Street of Small Gods, Tetzel's Indulgences
Kenneth Ankh-Morpork, Market Street
Kernab Ankh-Morpork, Kernab's Weaponry Store, Treacle Street
Kodattai Ankh-Morpork, The Cattle District
Kurr Ency Ankh-Morpork, The Pitts, The Coin Corner
Lady Timatis Ankh-Morpork, God's Collar, Escort Agency reception (ask receptionist for appointment)
Lilith Z. Dharienne Ankh-Morpork, Body Street, Karma 'R' Us
Liona Keeble Ankh-Morpork, Cheap Street, Keeble's Job Shop
Little Jimmy Ankh-Morpork, Endless St, Souvenir Shop (by Least Gate)
Luciano Flabbarotti Ankh-Morpork, Pseudopolis Yard, The Stab in the Back
Madame Dawning Ankh-Morpork, Madame Dawning’s Palliaments, One Pseudopolis Yard
Madame Gumble Ankh-Morpork, Cockbill Street, Madame Gumble's Jewellery
Manuel Fawlty Ankh-Morpork, God Street, The Curry Gardens
Mardi Ankh-Morpork, Phedre Road, Craf__Co_r_, Masqueparade
Maria Ankh-Morpork, Phedre Road, Poster Shop
Marvin Ankh-Morpork, Marvin's Mantels, The Street of Cunning Artificers
Master Nimbledrit Ankh-Morpork, Master Nimbledrit's shop of Crafting Equipment, Ettercap Street
Maximiliam Dimlith Ankh-Morpork, Green Lumpy Bit, outside a plilosophical looking building
Miss Ha'penny Ankh-Morpork, Offices in the middle of Speedwell Street, first set s-w of Ankh Morpork Council building
Mo Astor Ankh-Morpork, Cattle District, Baron Street, Frenly Money Changerz
Monsieur Rosset Ankh-Morpork, Pseudopolis Yard, Monsieur Rosset's Hairdressing Salon
Mr Cranwell Ankh-Morpork, The street of Cunning Artificers, The Engravers
Mr Cropper Ankh-Morpork, The Print Shop, Pseudopolis Yard, Isle of the Gods
Mr Goatberger Ankh-Morpork, The Print Shop, Pseudopolis Yard, Isle of the Gods
Mr. Goodmountain Ankh-Morpork, Gleam Street, busy printing room
Mr Graves Ankh-Morpork, The premises of Grangrid, Graves, and Descendants, Chrononhotonthologos Street
Mr Lumiere Ankh-Morpork, Market Street
Mr. Manson Ankh-Morpork, Elm Street, Elm Street Mortuary
Mrs. Armitage Ankh-Morpork, Loom Alley, Embroidery Shop
Mrs. Confectionairre Ankh-Morpork, Salis Street, Confections De Confectionairre
Mr. Scoonwinkle Ankh-Morpork, Hopper Street, Scoonwinkle's Shoe Store
Mrs Corduroy Ankh-Morpork, Chrononhotonthologos Street, Mrs Corduroy's Stuffed Animals
Mrs Dimmles Ankh-Morpork, Mrs Dimmles' Open-All-Hours cafe, Dimwell Street
Mrs. Dodger Ankh-Morpork, Isle of Gods, Pseudopolis Yard Watch House
Mrs Green Ankh-Morpork, Zephire Street, Second Hand Shop
Mr. Stronginthearm Ankh-Morpork, Lower Broadway, Weaponsmith
Mrs Vera Johannes Ankh-Morpork, Spa Lane, Milords & Miladies
Mr Vitiolo Ankh-Morpork, Brookless Lane, Calligraphy shop
Ms Estible Ankh-Morpork, The Willows, The Head of the Table
Murgatroyd Listey Ankh-Morpork, Souvenir Shop, Humble Street
Nathan Ankh-Morpork, The Curio Shop, Artorollo Alley
Nese Stenzelle Ankh-Morpork, Phedre Road, Nese's Fine Decor
Old Bob Ankh-Morpork, The Flintwick Building
Old Crumble Ankh-Morpork, The Bucket
Olson Ankh-Morpork, Water Street, Olson's Iron Shop
Onna Hitokui Ankh-Morpork, Upper Broadway, The Salt Shaker
Patrice Le Clair Ankh-Morpork, The Goose Gate (market stall)
Pierre Grepe Ankh-Morpork, Vino pour la Femme et le Homme, God’s Collar
Placido Flamingo Ankh-Morpork, Pseudopolis Yard, The Stab in the Back
Ptom Psmith Ankh-Morpork, East Ankh Ferry
Rattigan Ankh-Morpork, God's Collar, rat infested house
Rebecca Palm Ankh-Morpork, Sator Square, Magical Supplies Emporium, Rebecca Palm's Clothing
Reg Shoe Ankh-Morpork, Mrs Cake's house, Elm Street (Fresh Start Club, Elm Street on Thursdays at midnight)
Renee Palm Ankh-Morpork, Scoone Avenue, Djinn's Famous Flying Carpets
Rinaldo Ankh-Morpork, The Mouldy Cellar, Chrononhotonthologos Street
Roffle Ankh-Morpork, Upper Broadway (wanders)
Roger Ankh-Morpork, Patrician's Palace, north of the Flame Board
Sandra Ankh-Morpork, Lower Broadway, Guild of Playwrights
Scheda Carte Ankh-Morpork, Attic Bee Street, Card Shop
Septa DeBlano Ankh-Morpork, Street of Small Gods, Temple of Small Gods
Sergeant Littlebottom Ankh-Morpork, Pseudopolis Yard Watch House
Sergeant Skyler Ankh-Morpork, Ankh-Morpork City Watch, Long Wall Watch House
Seymour Convecks Ankh-Morpork, Cheesemongers Yard, The Optometrist's
Shapaya Ankh-Morpork, Apartment on Grunefair
Shmata Ankh-Morpork, Misbegot Bridge
Sneed Finkman Ankh-Morpork, outside the Ankh-Morpork Post Office
Sol Ankh-Morpork, Thieves' Guild
Spanky Ankh-Morpork, God's Collar, Armourer
Starspirit Moonfire Ankh-Morpork, Krazzander's Magik Shoppe, Cockbill Street
Stren Withel Ankh-Morpork, Filigree Street, The Mended Drum
Thomas Eddiessonson Ankh-Morpork, Cable Street, The Forge
Thom Crooze Ankh-Morpork, Pseudopolis Yard, All Bar None
Time Wemple Ankh-Morpork, Body Street, Rainbow Homeopaths Incorporated
Too Bath Salts Ankh-Morpork, Little Agatea, "Bes Pelargic", Laundry House
Trioll Negurney Ankh-Morpork, Quality Victuals, Trioll Negurney's Cayke Shoppe
Turan Ankh-Morpork, Cattle District, Baron Street, Stylish Skullduggery
Urotho Ankh-Morpork, The Pitts, The Coin Pitt
Valerianne Ankh-Morpork, Elm Street, Valerianne's weapon and armour shop
Veebeel Ankh-Morpork, The Street of Cunning Artificers, Veebeel's fortune telling booth
Wiley Woonsocket Ankh-Morpork, Edgeway Road, Woonsocket's Delicatessen
William de Worde Ankh-Morpork, Printing Works, The Ankh-Morpork Times, Gleam Street
Wun Phul Ankh-Morpork, Little Agatea, Wun Phul Mouth's Hunghungese Restaurant
Yortuk Festrunk Ankh-Morpork, Prouts, Festrunk Brothers
Rimpog [An attendant] Sto Plains [Near Pekan Ford], Wizard Outpost [Raising Chamber]
Squinty Jeb Sto Plains, A Hut
Alberto Malich
* Albert
Death's Domain
Aloysius Habenpfeifer Hillshire, Tobacco Shop
Ruby Holy Wood, The Blue Lias
Director Holy Wood, Century of the Fruitbat Moving Pictures
Shopkeeper Nowhere
I don't know his name but he's pretty old and gnarled please find him
* gnarled old man
Nowhere
Sue Pekan Pekan Ford, Village Store
Tom Pekan Pekan Ford, Village Pub
Valentino Sheepridge, Valentino's Flower Stall
Findel Nordelsson Sto Lat, Heritage Hill, Souvenir Shop
Fleppo Sto Lat, Bathrobe shop, Royal Market
Gerard de Wendelle Sto Lat, Wall Street, Gerard de Wendelle's evening dress shop
Gerti Kotzbeck Sto Lat, Blueberry Lane, Gerti's Cake shop
Holly Cloverfield Sto Lat, Royal Market, The Rock-A-Rama jewellery shop
Isobel Kingdom Sto Lat, Academy of Artificers
Jack Straw Sto Lat, Garlic Grove
Madam Miliena Sto Lat, Garlic Grove, Olde Locket Shoppe
Master Gildworthy Sto Lat, Academy of Artificers
Miss Armitage Sto Lat, Queens Road
Miss Wylde Sto Lat, Queens Road, Wylde's Fashionable Ladies Wear
Mrs Willikins-Boydle Sto Lat, Queens Road
Mysteria della Noctis Sto Lat, Queen's Road, The Dragon Emporium
Nils Beerman Sto Lat, Cabbage Street, Nils Beerman's Light Store
Omar Amahl Sto Lat, Cabbage Street, Omar Amahl's Jewellery Shop
Oncle Hamash Sto Lat, Frozen Alley, Oncle Hamash Bookshop
Paul Zombo Sto Lat, King's Road, Guard Room
Peter Periwinkle Sto Lat, Hill Street, Pet Shop
Quinbury Soames Sto Lat, Quirm Street, Stationer's Shop
Ragman Sto Lat, Grave's Hope
The Proprietor
* blacksmith
Sto Lat, The Royal Market Smithy
Tony Robinson Sto Lat, Cabbage Street, Tony Robinson's Bar

DLA: Close by; smudged address

Some letters in the address are missing. See the npc table at the beginning of this section.

DLB: Close by; terrible handwriting

See #Deciphering. See the npc table at the beginning of this section.

DLC: Close by; vague address

See #Inquiring.

DLD: Close by; only the city

See #Inquiring.

Far Away

The npcs far away for smudged address and terrible handwriting should be in the following table. If not please add them.

NPC Location
Lobsang Private quarters of the abbot, Temple of the Listening Monks
David Leatherman Leatherworking stall, Genua
Abe Graveyard, Unnamed Town
Peggy Little Quilting shop, Slice
Gammer Nudity Mad Gammer Nudity's cottage, Razorback
Embezile Thatcher Lancre Town, Lancrastian Farmers' Cooperative Bank
Hanlo Shepston The Forge, Bad Ass
Honest Dachshund [Frank Doberman] Slippery Hollow
Ann Celeria Slippery Hollow Stationery Shop
Temple Guardian Temple of Soyin
Aggressive Pixie (Water Sprite) Near Razorback (Sprite Cavern)
Brittnee Brittnee's Message Tees, Genua
Trau Mirnicht Escrow (tent in fair)
Gerard de Wendelle Evening Dress Shop, Wall Street, Sto Lat
Cohen the Barbarian Barbarian Camp
Khip-en-dahl Queen Ptraci furniture shop, Djelibeybi
Pugh Alighieri Alcohol Shop, Djelibeybi

DLE: Far away; smudged address

Some letters in the address are missing. See the npc table at the beginning of this section.

DLF: Far away; terrible handwriting

See #Deciphering. See the npc table at the beginning of this section.

DLG: Far away; vague address

See #Inquiring.

DLH: Far away; only the city

See #Inquiring.

DLI: Difficult customer

Difficult customers generally attack on sight or are very hard to reach.

NPC Exp Coins Location
Triad Boss Bes Pelargic, Medina
The Grflx 48160 &&&&&&&&&&+10000 A$25.00 Skund Forest, Large cave
Vyrt 35280 &&&&&&&&&&&+7104 S37|0de Ephebe
Spawns at A seafood-scented edge of the Harbour Market [s,w,nw,se,sw].
Avalanche Preventore
(large metallic dragon)
96000 &&&&&&&&&&+20000 A$50.00 Endless Halls (say 'Endless Halls' to Hermal of Sandelfon)
The Librarian 60000 Starts in the Unseen University, wanders (in L-space)
Smuggler captain 48000 &&&&&&&&&&&+9600 1M|0de Ephebe underground
Queen Shelox 56784 &&&&&&&&&&+12000 A$30.00 Gloomy Forest
The Clown (Ha'pennywise) 111360 &&&&&&&&&&+22500 7,5,0Gf Genua Sewers
Ice giants 96320 &&&&&&&&&&+20000 A$50.00 The Hub
Also found in the icefields surrounding the hub - which is safer for wizards and easier to recover corpses from due to the lack of background thaums.
T-shop proprietor 64000 &&&&&&&&&&+14400 1M S25|0de The Travelling shop
Bug 68640 &&&&&&&&&&+13536 LC 7|10|- Ramtops
Thursday 102959 &&&&&&&&&&+20640 43Rh A Deserted Island (Thursday's Island)
Hotan Hwoar Ni 48160 &&&&&&&&&&+12040 25Rh 10s Bes Pelargic, Sum Bing, The Snail, Hotan Hwoar Ni's Rare Armours
"Be On Your Guard" : A bug that made it possible to slip past the guarding NPCs in the Snail has been fixed.
Security guards 21924 &&&&&&&&&&&+4380 9Rh 15s Bes Pelargic, First Imperial Bank

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